Today marks the one month anniversary of the election, which seems as good a time as any for an installment of the “Best and Worst of the Month” awards:
Best Symbolism: The jeep carrying the late progressive mass murderer Fidel Castro’s ashes breaks down on the way to the cemetery. Perfect! In an island prison where El Jefe died with a $900 million net worth, nothing worked. You know that they rounded up the best jeep in all of Cuba for the high honor of carrying his remains to the big breadline in the sky. Which means that the best jeep in all of Cuba… could not even carry a bag of ashes and half-burnt pubic-hair-like beard to a graveyard. Well done, socialism!
Best Sports story: On December 4th, America-hating multimillionaire 3rd string quarterback Colin Kapernick starts against the lowly Chicago Bears, and throws for less yards (4) than the number of sacks that he suffers (5). For comparison, in case you’re not a football fan: my 14 year old daughter threw for only 4 less yards than Kapernick, and the Bears didn’t manage to sack her even once! And she has less hand-eye coordination than my other daughter. Who also avoided getting sacked in that game. And both of them have enough sense to stand up when the national anthem is played!
Worst sports-related cliche: “Kapernick is entitled to express his opinions, because Free Speech!” Yes. Obviously. Just like the rest of us are entitled to point out that his opinion is idiotic. And that Superfly is calling on a big, 1970s rotary phone, asking for his Afro back. Because Free Speech.
Worst economic prediction: At a little past midnight on election night, when it was clear that Trump had won, Paul Krugman – who inexplicably once won a Nobel Prize for Economics – said this: “It really does now look like President Donald J. Trump, and markets are plunging. When might we expect them to recover? …a first pass answer is never.” Quick cut to noon, the next day: the market has recovered. A month later, we’ve had a dozen record high market closings in a row.
Which reminds me: What was the least-deserved Nobel Prize ever given?
- Barack Obama’s Peace Prize, awarded 20 minutes after he was sworn in, for not being George W. Bush.
- Rigoberta Menchu’s (look her up) prize for Literature, for an autobiography that she didn’t write, filled with details that never happened.
- Yassar Arafat’s Peace Prize, which I am not making up.
- Paul Krugman’s for Economics.
- All of the above, in a 4-way tie.
All of a sudden that Literature prize for Bob Dylan, for rhyming “complete unknown” with “rolling stone” and “femur bone” and “traffic cone” – that’s what I think I heard, anyway – is looking pretty damned impressive.
Best financial decision: This one goes to Jill Stein and Hillary Clinton, for collecting $6 million to spend on a recount that netted Hillary an extra 23 votes. As economic genius Paul Krugman could tell you, that comes out to more than $1000 per vote. Why would that be the best financial decision, you ask? Simple: it took $6 million dollars out of the hands of gullible Democrat contributors. You just know that before they heard about the recall effort, they were torn between bidding on a first edition Rigoberta Menchu book, and a used Cuban jeep. So, yeah.
Worst Trump decision: Runner-up: meeting with Al Gore in Trump Tower. (There is no reason a self-respecting person should ever meet with Al Gore. Unless it’s at a Global Warming conference being held in a snow storm, in which case you should hit him in the face with a snowball, and laugh and laugh.)
Winner: The Carrier Deal. I like the results, but as a free marketer, I don’t like a president either bullying a company or getting snookered by a company into giving special favors to keep jobs here. Just cut tax rates and 71% of the regulations for all American companies, and then lie down with your ear to the ground, to hear the massive rumbling of new jobs being created.
Best Karmic Come-uppance: Three years ago, Harry Reid and arrogant Dems gut the filibuster rule, to ensure that the Senate (which Democrats will always control) can easily force through any nominee, regardless of the minority party’s objections. Three years later, the six remaining Dem senators watch as Trump parades through their midst in a toga with a laurel wreath on his big dopey orange head, accompanied by a harem of Ivanas and Ivankas, followed by a procession of Scalia clones dressed like professional wrestlers, holding copies of the constitution over their heads like they were gaudy championship belts as they mount the steps to the Supreme Court.
Worst post-election self-flattering delusion, Republican: “Trump has a historic mandate!” (You lost the popular vote, and only won in the battleground states by 100,000 votes or so. Be bold, but don’t get cocky.)
Worse post-election self-flattering delusion, Democrat: “We only lost because the Trump voters are racist neo-Nazi Klansmen!” (You could fit all of the neo-Nazis and klansmen in the country into a mid-sized community college gym. Trump got 60 million votes. Even Paul Krugman could do that math.)
Martin Simpson 