Biden’s most recent campaign ad came out, and it’s about what you’d expect – a gravitas-laden voice-over, a little bile directed at Trump, and a lot of fairy-tale praise for Old Joe’s amazing yet fictional accomplishments during his storied career. But the best part is the tone-deaf way that the Biden political team decided to name the ad. It’s called, and I am not making this up, “Bones.” The first lines are, “We know in our bones this election is different.”
Now I’m not a paid political consultant, or even a small-town country lawyer. I’m just a humble, salt-of-the-earth snark-master who just so happens to personally know a guy who urinated in Hitler’s bathtub.
But even I know that you don’t want to reinforce your candidate’s vulnerabilities in your own damn ads! And what is Biden’s greatest vulnerability?
I can hear all of CO nation right now, simultaneously shouting out many different answers: “His stupidity!”/”He helped his crooked son line his pockets!”/“Too white!”/”Super creepy.”/”Gaffe machine!”/ “Flip flopper!”/”Fondler of campaign aids.”/”Can’t find his butt with both hands and a topographical map.”
And you would all be wrong.
Well, you’d all be right, because those are all Biden weaknesses. But his main weakness is that he’s a doddering old man. Bernie Sanders looks like a spry, mentally engaged 70-year-old next to Biden.
So what does the Biden brain trust start their ad with? BONES?! And the words, “we know in our bones…”
You mean the way a really, really, old, frail person can tell when a storm is coming in his bones? You mean the way an octogenarian’s doctor asks her if she’s getting enough calcium to support her bird-like, fragile bones? Good lord!
It’s like Nancy Pelosi starting a campaign with an ad called, “Ancient Egyptian Burial Wrappings.” Or Skateboarding Doofus O’Rourke starting a campaign with an ad called, “Alpha Male.” Or Bill Clinton starting a campaign with an ad called, “Fidelity.” (Come to think of it, “Bones” would not be a good theme for a Slick Willie ad, either.) (“We all know in our bones – and we can’t stress enough that there is no “r” in that word – when a president is fit to lead our nation…”)
Or Elizabeth Warren starting a campaign with an ad called, “The Trail of Tears.” (#wemustneverstopmockingher)
Nice job, Joe Biden. You have gotten your walker off the starting line very, very smoothly.
In other news, my skills with language are being challenged by the fact that two more Dem candidates have dropped out of the race. Because nothing challenges language skills like needing to write cogently on the subject of when a nonentity does something inconsequential. But here goes.
Jay Innslee has dropped out of the presidential race, and the sound you hear is an entire nation of 300+ million people not noticing.
Innslee, picturesque Austrian mountain town and site of the 1976 Winter Olympics, announced… No, wait. That’s “Innsbruck.”
Let me google “Innslee.”
Oooookay, first off, only one “n” in his name. Also, “Jay” is his first name, and not an initial that stands for something cool and interesting, like “Jocko” or “Jehoshaphat.”
According to his Wikipedia entry photo, he is “Generic White Guy from the 1991 Sears Catalog Menswear Section.” Apparently he is also a climate change activist – the hell you say! – and had been in the first two Dem debates, though his only notable contribution was to call Trump a white nationalist. So, no points for either originality or accuracy.
He officially withdrew on Wednesday night, when he said “it’s become clear” that he didn’t have a shot at winning the primary.
Typical climate change alarmist: he’s absolutely certain of what the exact temperature is going to be 93 years from this coming Tuesday at 4 o’clock Eastern time, but he just now noticed that he doesn’t have a snowball’s chance at winning the Democrat primary. At least he has a job to go back to: he’s the governor of Washington state.
Which I’ve got to believe has to come as quite a shock to the citizens of Washington state. Where, Wikipedia tells me, he signed a document calling Washington a sanctuary state.
Of course he did. Beat it, Innsbruck.
Seth Moulton is a different story. First, he never qualified for either of the first two Dem debates.
Which begs the question: how the hell does someone get outpolled by Jeremiah Inslee and Marianne Williamson?!
Then I read his bio, and the answer became clear. Moulton earned a physics degree from Harvard, then joined the Marines, and saw combat in Iraq. He challenged Nancy Pelosi, focused his campaign on national security and caring for our veterans, and warned Democrats about “veering too far left.”
I don’t want to make him sound too good. After all, he got elected as a Democrat from Massachusetts, so there’s got to be problems in there somewhere.
But he’s a straight, white, Marine veteran who talks common sense and might actually love his country. So of course he had absolutely NO chance in today’s Democrat party primaries. More’s the pity for him, and for us.
Goodbye, Seth Moulton – you were too good for the company you were trying to keep.
I found my favorite under-covered story of the last week on Don Surber’s fine blog on Thursday. Just from his title – “Reporter wastes 2 days trying to show how easy it is to buy a gun.” – I knew it would be my kind of story.
The reporter in question is Business Insider senior correspondent Hayley Peterson. After the shooting in an El Paso Wal-Mart, Peterson decided to go and buy a gun at a local Wal-Mart, to illustrate the grave danger of easily available handguns to our nation.
What followed was the opposite of what she expected. She ended up going through a DMV-like experience, during which her attempts to buy a gun at Wal-Mart were thwarted at every turn.
First, it was difficult to find a Wal-Mart near her in Virginia that sold guns. After “hours of googling and calling,” she finally found one. When she got there, she found that Wal-Mart had a lot smaller selection than local gun stores, that they no longer sell handguns, and that they have stricter requirements than the law requires. They also have security cameras, and extra training for the handful of employees who are allowed to sell guns.
Having no luck that day, she returned a few days later, only to be faced with a ton of paperwork, insisted on by competent employees. When they discovered that Peterson’s address and the address on her driver’s license didn’t match, that ended her attempt to buy a gun at Wal-Mart.
To her credit, Peterson wrote the story, and Business Insider published it, even though it clearly didn’t match their preconceptions. Do I wish that she had ended a little more emphatically, hammering home the moral of the story: guns are not legally easy to get, and people who jump through hoops to buy a gun legally are not the problem? Sure.
But supporters of the Second Amendment are constantly vexed by outrageously biased media coverage, and fact-less slurs from hack activists, as well as the opposition of well-meaning but uninformed people. Our leftist pols have not helped, to put it mildly. One of Obama’s most ridiculous pronouncements – out of a crowded field – was his 2016 statement that, ““it is easier for a teenager to buy a Glock than get his hands on a computer or even a book.”
Hayley Peterson’s story just demonstrated – again – what a crock of Schumer that always was. For that, I thank her.