Martin Simpson

Three Instructive Tales (posted 5/11/26)

This will be a column of random observations that I’ve gathered over the last week or so, in between various distractions, including learning that my body is engaged in absorbing a broken-off piece of my own spine. (That sentence will make more sense if you read my short column from yesterday.)

These observations fall under the umbrella of “a lot of mainstream Democrats have apparently lost their minds lately.” Exhibit A would be the way they’ve gotten behind Graham Platner in the Maine race. Sure, he loves Hamas, hates Jews, and is a far-lefty. But that’s par for the course, and is not a problem for too many Dem voters.

The detail about Platner that surprised even me is the extent to which his having a Nazi tattoo has not been a problem for him! After years of falsely claiming that every conservative voter is a Nazi — and getting hysterical about that totally non-existent issue – the Dems chose a guy who actually branded himself as a Nazi. Permanently. On his skin!

And I’m not talking about a Nazi tattoo like the tattoos on Pete Hegseth, which the Left pretended were Nazi tattoos. (Spoiler alert: they were both traditional Christian tattoos, and had as much to do with Nazism as Liz Warren has to do with American Indians.) (#wemustneverstopmockingher)

No, Platner’s death’s head ink is a specific, famous iconic image worn by the SS (the elite group of Nazi fighters in World War Eleven). And while many of his supporters desperately accepted his weak claim that he had no idea of his tat’s origin, that lie fell apart when several witnesses reported that Platner had proudly invited them to see his “totenkopf,” which is the actual German name for the SS “death’s head” image.

It also didn’t help that Platner kept the tattoo for many years…right up until he decided to run for high office. Which is not something that someone who sincerely regretted getting a tattoo many years ago would do.

The Democrats don’t care. If he could win a Senate seat for their side, they wouldn’t mind if he had “Heil Hitler” tattooed on his neck, like Dewey Crowe on Justified. (Best tv series ever!) They’d just have a PR team remind him to wear button-up collars when he’s on camera.

Whenever I see Platner, I think of the end of Tarantino’s Inglorious Basterds. After the murderous Nazi Hans Landa has made a deal to betray the Germans in exchange for a kind of witness protection in America, Brad Pitt’s character Aldo Raine takes him into custody.

In Raine’s famous final speech,he makes clear that he “can’t abide” the fact that Landa will take off his Nazi uniform and escape consequences for his past. So Raine says, “I’m gonna give you something that you can’t take off,” and carves a swastika into his forehead.

Am I saying that Platner should have a swastika carved into his forehead? In the words of Que Mala, “We should have that conversation.”

Okay, just kidding. But I also can’t abide that the Dems’ self-serving venality might allow him to escape the consequences of his creepy past.

Can we at least force him to wear an SS cap during debates and public appearances, just so that even the most checked-out voters can be reminded of who he is?

Speaking of creepy Aryan leftists, I loved seeing Liz Warren humiliate herself over the sudden bankruptcy announcement by Spirit Airlines. Of course, she blamed the bankruptcy on Trump.

Unexpectedly!

Higher fuel prices caused by the Iran war certainly didn’t help Spirit. But as usual, history and facts are not Lizzie’s friends. Because Spirit had been on the verge of bankruptcy twice in recent years, before Trump won his first game of Whack-a-Mullah.

Most importantly, Spirit was about to merge with Jet Blue two years ago in a move that could have saved them, when the Biden administration stepped in and stopped the deal. Grandma Squanto was one of the prime cheerleaders for the interference. She called the government’s intervention “a Biden win for flyers,” since the merger “would have led to fewer flights and higher fares.”

Whitey Wampanoag truly speaks with forked tongue. Because you know what REALLY leads to fewer flights? (Kinison filter begin) AN AIRLINE THAT GOES OUT OF BUSINESS! OH!! OHHHHHH!! (Kinison filter end)

But still Warren finds a way to blame Trump for Biden’s decision, which she celebrated.

She’s so shameless, her fake Indian name should be “Running Bare.”

Finally, as regular readers might know, I am a Midwesterner by birth, and I still have a fondness for that part of the country. Most Midwesterners are sensible people; most are conservatives, and blessedly free from the political manias that afflict both coasts. There are still a lot of Democrats there, but they tend to be the old-school types: they might like unions, and they vote blue because their parents and grandparents did. But they don’t think boys can become girls, or that communism is a good thing, or that America is a racist, bigoted hell hole.

Unfortunately, there are exceptions. Plenty of corrupt, crime-ridden blue cities mar the plains (I’m looking at you, Chicago), and plenty of Dem pols still make a living off of exploiting the gullible and dim (I’m looking at you, JumBo Pritzker). And there are some far-left, hate-driven whackos, too.

Because: fallen human nature.

Which brings me to Minocqua Brewing Company, of Minocqua, Wisconsin. It is owned by a malicious leftist named Kirk Bangstad, whose TDS is such that he has posted a long-standing promise to serve free beer on the day that President Trump dies.

The day after yet another violent leftist tried to kill the president at the WH correspondents’ dinner, Bangstad doubled down on evil, posting, “Well, we almost got #freebeerday.” After bemoaning the idea that a member of the “Resistance needs to work on their marksmanship,” he was also open to another explanation common to the mouth-breathing conspiracy theorists, i.e. that Trump had faked an assassination attempt to get positive press coverage.

But either way, he’s not the type given to any moral self-reflection. “Regardless, we stand at the ready to pour free beer the day it happens.”

I don’t think there’s much to say about such a person, other than I hope that all good people shun his execrable business, so that it goes belly-up as soon as possible. And then that he has a dark night of the soul that leads to his remorse and repentance.

Already, though, one useful moral lesson has been taught by the Minocqua Moron. Because a man named Brian Kellar took a new job as a senior vice president for an upper-Midwest health system at the end of March. He apparently found Bangstad’s political wickedness attractive, because he bought one of their “FDT” t-shirts touting the pro-assassination beer giveaway.

And then – because nothing says “senior management material” like moving to an area where most people voted for a president and then proudly publicizing your desire that that president be murdered – he posted pictures of himself wearing it on his social media and Bangstad’s hateful homepage.

Annnnnddddd… Kellar got canned from his new, high-profile job, before he could even get settled in to his fancy office. Thus proving the ancient maxim, “When first thou FA, then shalt thou FO.”

Here endeth today’s lesson.

Que Mala/Crockett, 2028!

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Personal Update (posted 5/10/26)

I’ll post a regular column tomorrow, but I’ve got a short personal post today.

Regular readers will remember that I’ve had a really painful pinched nerve in my neck that I’ve been trying to get figured out over the last two months. After a bunch of tests and physical therapy, I was finally able to get a clean MRI, and then see a surgeon on Friday.

He told me that a substantial piece of one of my spinal discs has broken off – the one between C6 and C7, for those spinal anatomy fans out there – and was lying against the nerve that travels across the back and down my left arm. He described the surgical option for removing it, and it was not the worst-case scenario, which would have involved going in from the front through the neck, and fusing two vertebrae. He said that this chunk could be accessed from the back of my neck, and if the surgery goes well, I wouldn’t need a fusion.

Because he mentioned surgery as an option, I asked him what the other option would be. He said that because I’ve made a lot of progress with PT – my pain is much less intense and constant than it was in March, and I’ve been able to sleep much better – I could just continue that. Then he said, “Of course, absorption would continue, and you might be able to avoid surgery.”

My wife and I looked at each other, and I said, “Come again? Absorption?”

And he explained that my body will break down and absorb the broken-off piece of disc. As if that’s something that everybody knows. Like, your blood circulates, your pupils dilate in light, and YOUR BODY CAN EAT YOUR OWN BROKEN SPINE PARTS! OH! OHHHHHH!!

Sorry. I can’t help slipping into Sam Kinison mode when I hear something like that.

I also slipped into a little Forrest Gump, too. I asked the doctor, “Do you mean I have a magic body?!” And my wife elbowed me in the ribs, and the doctor patiently explained that that’s something that all human bodies can do.

Okay, it didn’t happen exactly like that. And I did chastise the doc that maybe he might want to lead with the news that my body can absorb dysfunctional parts of itself. But that was the gist of it.

So I’ve got another appointment six weeks from now with the surgeon. In the meantime, I’m continuing PT and hopefully continuing my progress, and if all goes well, my magic body will rid me of this troublesome broken spinal disc over the next 6 months or so. And I won’t have to undergo a spinal surgery that I had not been looking forward to!

Thanks everybody, for your prayers and questions about how I’ve been doing. And as long as I’m making a personal post, I should mention that today is my wife’s birthday, on Mother’s Day.

I met her almost 40 years ago, when she was a 21-year-old slip of a girl, and now she looks like she’s 29 or so. She’s been a great mom and an excellent wife, and she gave birth to two great daughters, which is an amazing magic trick on par with absorbing one’s own defective spine.

I mean, it’s not a competition or anything. But I think she’s winning.

As am I!

So happy Mother’s Day to all of you mothers who are reading this, and happy birthday to my Scandinavian Smokeshow!

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More Great News on Other Fronts (posted 5/4/26)

On Friday I wrote about all the good things that have been happening in our courts lately. But several other groups of feel-good stories are happening, the first of which revolve around bad people doing bad things, and reaping what they sow.

For example, three members of an ultra-creepy, bullying family in Minneapolis were behaving like thuggish creeps at an anti-ICE coven meeting — er, protest — last month. Turning Point USA reporter Savanah Hernandez was reporting on the Satanic goings on, so the unholy trio – dad Christopher Ostroushko, mom Deyanna and daughter Paige – attacked her.

The daughter blasted away with a whistle inches from Hernandez’s ears, while a mob began shoving and hitting her, knocking her to the ground and screaming obscenities. Conveniently, video showed all three Ostroushkos at the front of the pack, doing the assaulting.

Or, as the left calls it, “peacefully protesting.”

In past years, these kind of crimes happened in great numbers in lawless blue cities and states – you may remember the months of antifa riots, BLM riots, Michael Brown riots, George Floyd riots, etc. – and the perpetrators were generally given slaps on the wrist, in the rare case that they faced any consequences at all.

But this time, the FBI opened an investigation within hours of the videos surfacing, and last Wednesday a grand jury handed down indictments against all three on a variety of charges. And their reactions were textbook violent lefty cry-bully: they lied their arses off, and whined that they are the real victims.

Dad – a bald guy with a permanent sneer which makes him look like a large, angry thumb — said that he was only defending his wife and daughter, and claimed that Hernandez was the aggressive one that day. You know, the way that a lone, petite woman will often become very aggressive when surrounded by a frothing mob of dozens of screaming leftists. It’s a tale as old as time.

He said, with a straight thumb-face, “We are absolutely not violent people. In fact, we tend to shy away from it.”

Unfortunately for him, the video showed the opposite. So now dad is complaining about the “non-stop backlash” his family has experience since being smeared by that lying video; they’ve gotten hundreds of calls, texts and social media messages every day, and they’ve lost their jobs.

It’s gotten so bad that he says, “It’s a little overwhelming and makes me second-guess even living in this country, to be honest with you.”

To which the only compassionate response has to be, “HA! HA HA! HAHAHAHAHA!!”

I hope his family will stay in this country…for long enough to serve a federal sentence. After which they should definitely get the hell out.

Speaking of terrible people unexpectedly facing accountability, six thugs who were peacefully protesting in LA last year – by trapping cops in a patrol car under an overpass and homicidally raining rocks and bricks down on it – just pled guilty to a raft of federal charges.

They had the stunned and stupid looks on their faces that you’d expect to see on the faces of stupid people who had been watching hundreds of thousands of leftist co-religionists get away with similar crimes for years, and are only now realizing that the Cadaver in Chief has been replaced by the Orange Man.

And Orange-y don’t play.

I imagine the same realization started sinking in for many in the Somali community as a series of coordinated raids were carried out on the Learing Center and dozens of other pirate-adjacent fraud centers throughout Minnesota last week. And for hundreds of others in LA, where dozens of phony hospice-care, Medicaid-draining scams were apparently operating out of every strip mall, store-front, outhouse and dog house within a 50-mile radius.

After years of watching a soul-crushing parade of open, systematic flouting of the law in blue cities from coast to coast, it is SO refreshing to see a wave of accountability starting to sweep across the Augean Stables of corruption that Democrats – and corrupt Republicans too – have set up, and profited from!

The final group of stories that I hope will cheer you up this Monday morning revolve around the theme of dysfunctional, wrong-headed leftist policies collapsing in hugely satisfying ways.

Where better to start than in NYC, where Mamdani is 100 days in, and already his socialist promises are blowing up in his face on a daily basis? First the “warmth of collectivism” resulted in a bunch of homeless people (whom Mamdani had promised to allow to remain on the streets) freezing to death. Then the free buses had to be put on hold, because: duh! Then he announced the first “free” government grocery story will take three years to build, and will cost 10 times what a comparable Whole Foods or other grocery store would cost.

Then he made the creepy ad for tax day – the one where he walked up to the camera, tapped the glass and smirked, saying, “We’re taxing the rich!” and then announced a new tax on rich guys with unoccupied luxury apartments. He specifically called out billionaire investor Ken Griffin, whose apartment he stood in front of, so that the mobs with pitchforks will know where to meet for the lynching.

Annnnddddd… Griffin announced that he might not go ahead with a planned $6 billion NYC building project.

It’s all so stupid! During his time in New York, Griffin has paid the city around $3 billion ($2.3 billion in taxes, and $700 million in charitable giving), with all of the new jobs and downstream spending and tax revenue that goes along with that kind of economic activity. And Griffin had already moved himself and his company to Florida from another failing blue city (Chicago) in 2022.

All of which makes the optics of Mamdani’s gleeful stunt so perversely self-defeating. It’s telling that the smug leftist mantra is, “Tax the rich!” rather than, “Help the poor!” Because they are motivated by envy, and are clearly willing to hurt the poor, if doing so will allow them to hurt the rich.

Ironically, their policies only succeed at the former. Because Griffin – and many other financially successful people – clearly don’t need greedy leftist cities as much as those cities need them. As we can see from the capital and population flight from CA, NY and IL to red states in recent years.

Which brings us to Mamdani’s humiliating press conference last week, where he announced that NYC is in a catastrophic financial crisis. Unexpectedly!

NYC has a 3.88% income tax (added to NY state’s top income tax rate of 10.9%), and a 8.8% sales tax. The city’s budget for 2026 is $119.7 billion – more than the entire state budget of Florida! – and it is STILL not enough. Mamdani’s socialist schemes are going to require billions more from the state – a demand which even Kathy “Wicked Witch of Albany” Hochul is smart enough to greet with, “How about NO!” – as well as billions more in taxes from the richest New Yorkers.

When those people leave – in about 5…4…3… — that money is going to be gouged out of the middle class saps, many of whom voted for Mamdani, thus buying a ticket for FO-ville.

In other words, New York has a metastatic spending problem, which they’ve idiotically misdiagnosed as a revenue problem.

And that condition is similarly afflicting Seattle and their far-left, professional useless person mayor. Katie Wilson speaks like a teenage girl (multiple “likes” riddle every paragraph), and was still being financially supported by her parents when she was elected last November at age 43. She supports government-run grocery stores, and she recently walked picket lines with Starbucks workers and urged people to boycott the company. Coincidentally, Starbucks has been closing stores and shrinking their presence in Seattle, while they just announced a $200 million investment (and 2000 new jobs) in Tennessee.

So naturally, when Wilson was asked last month to respond to the flight of successful people from her city, her answer was AOC-esque: “I think the claims that millionaires are going to leave our state are, like, super overblown. And if – the ones that leave, like, bye.”

Yes. Two “likes” and one “super” in that deep answer, which was given (to cheers and laughter) at a local university. Because of course it was.

Overall, we have reason to be optimistic. In addition to the short-term edification to be gained from watching these leftist experiments work themselves out – if by “work themselves out” I mean “unravel” (which I do) – longer-term gains should follow.

Whether they’re in New York, LA, Chicago, Seattle or Portland, leftist economic plans don’t work. And they’re not going to start working now…so conservative alternatives should become more attractive as leftist failures compound.

Now if we can just manage to hold onto the House in the mid-terms…

Que Mala/Crockett, 2028!

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Great News on Many Fronts! (posted 5/1/26)

The last 48 hours have been full of more good political news than I know what to do with. In fact, so many good things are happening that I’m going to divide them into different categories, just to try to keep them all straight. I already know that I won’t be able to cover them all in this column, so I’m going to have more good news stories again on Monday.

My three categories are good judicial rulings, bad people reaping the consequences of their bad actions, and foolish leftist policies crashing and burning in hilariously entertaining ways.

*Today I’ll focus on the good judicial rulings.

Most of the solid rulings involve gerrymandering, as you might guess. I wrote a column on gerrymandering last week, and if you haven’t seen that one, please check it out. In it, I mentioned that gerrymandering is open to abuse, that both sides do it, and that while it always looks a little fishy, it might be the least unfair way to deal with delineating congressional districts.

Natural population shifts require that House district borders be re-drawn after every census, and the task of adjusting those borders has traditionally been controlled by the party that holds a majority in a state legislature. Asking that any party draw completely neutral borders – and in so doing, give up their legitimate advantage by virtue of their having won a majority –

“elections have consequences” has to be one of the oldest truisms in politics – is unrealistic, to say the least.

I proposed that a rough way to assess how close a party comes to a fair redistricting is to compare the percentage of the presidential vote the minority party got, compared to the percentage of the House seats they hold. I chose 5 red states and 5 blue states to compare, and showed that in the blue states the Dems gave themselves an average advantage of 22%, while in the average red states the GOP gave themselves an average advantage of 11%.

So while both parties give themselves an advantage when they control redistricting, the Dems are twice as bad about that as the GOP. Unexpectedly!

Which is why the Virginia redistricting vote two weeks ago was so obnoxious. About four years ago, purple-state Virginia voters had set up a largely non-partisan body to take redistricting out of one party’s hands, and the result was one of the fairest House district border maps in the country. The state went for Que Mala by about 5%, and their holding 6 out of 11 House seats mirrored that percentage.

Then, of course, after campaigning on a promise not to gerrymander, creepy Abigail Spanberger immediately proposed a ballot measure to gerrymander, and produced a very biased change to 10 Dem House seats to only 1 GOP seat. And then she and Hakeem “Dollar-Store Obama” Jeffries and many other House Dems gloated and taunted the GOP about their underhanded victory.

Annnnndddd…the first great judicial move of the week was made by a VA state judge, who declared the ballot issue unconstitutional. The Democrat VA state Supreme Court immediately took up the case, and in their questioning of the lawyers, seemed to indicate that they will likely reject the new, gerrymandered VA House map.

Sure, it was an obvious and easy call. There were two obvious legal requirements that the Dems violated, involving the timing and the method by which they rammed the matter through. But how many times have we seen partisan leftist judges and courts blatantly disregard the law in order to achieve their desired political outcome?

(Off the top of my head, in Roe v Wade SCOTUS “discovered” a constitutional right to abortion that nobody had seen in the previous 200 hundred years, and did the same thing re: gay marriage in Obergefell. Not to mention the 100 Obama or Biden judges who have ruled that Trump isn’t allowed to make executive decisions just because he’s the Chief Executive, and that

Biden could reverse all of Trump’s previous executive orders, but that Trump can’t reverse any of Biden’s or Obama’s executive orders, etc.)

So if the VA Supreme Court does reject the illegal Democrat gerrymander, they will have proved that a Democrat court can follow the law, even when it goes against the wishes of Democrat politicians. But even better, they will have set the table for Spanberger, Jeffries and the Dems to receive an epic, hilarious, karmic arse-whipping.

Because Ron DeSantis responded by LEGALLY achieving an equally lopsided gerrymander in Florida. But since he’s been the best damn governor in these United States, and has turned Florida from purple to deep red, he had already set the table with GOP majorities dominant enough that he could move quickly to put forward a redestricting bill, have it debated and passed by both houses, and then sign it into law himself.

All completely by the book, and in the span of four days!

Man, I hope that we can someday have that guy as our President!

But wait. There’s more! On Wednesday, SCOTUS handed down a long-awaited judgment on a case involving the Dems’ long-standing perversion of one aspect of the Voting Rights Act of 1965.

Sidebar: I think my view of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Voting Rights Act of 1965 are typical of most conservatives’ views: they were good and necessary pieces of legislation. (They were passed with a higher percentage of GOP votes (80ish percent) than Dem votes (70ish), and only after the GOP could break a 70+ day filibuster by Democrats, by the way.) They ended the racist legal schemes of the Democrats’ Jim Crow laws.

Annndddd…then they were transformed by those same Democrats into an anti-white and anti-Asian discriminatory racial spoils system that inflamed racial tensions, and resulted in Dems winning more House seats than they legitimately would have, had that racial grift not been in place for the last 60 years.

And SCOTUS ended all of that on Wednesday! By ruling that two racially gerrymandered House districts in Louisiana had violated the non-discrimination rules in the Constitution, SCOTUS opened the door to other red states redrawing non-racist district borders. Initial analyses suggests that this ruling could possibly result in the GOP picking up 10-12 House seats.

It’s important to note that these gains would come NOT from the GOP reversing the anti-white racism of the Dems and beating them at their own racist game. The gains would arise from our finally stopping the Dems from cheating, and would thus require that all candidates more fairly and effectively appeal to all voters, regardless of race, if they want to win elections. Which is as it should be.

So of course the shameless Dems who were gloating about their gains from gerrymandering just one week ago, are now protesting about their losses from gerrymandering. Hilariously enough, they have fewer House seats to gain from their own

additional gerrymandering attempts, since they had already drastically gerrymandered CA, IL and other blue states years ago. Sweet, sweet irony!

In other good news, SCOTUS also slapped down a power-abusing Dem state official in deep-blue New Jersey for having illegitimately gone after prolife centers. NJ Attorney General Matthew Platkin had issued subpoenas in 2023 to pregnancy centers, trying to force them to turn over to the state all information about everybody who had ever donated to or supported their efforts – a clear attempt to bully those groups and intimidate and prevent citizens from supporting them.

Shockingly enough, that was too much even for the three leftist SCOTUS justices, and the court unanimously rejected Platkin’s heavy handed tactics!

In purple Pennsylvania, their own state Supreme Court has ruled that devious Dem election officials have to make voting records public.

Observant readers may have noticed that the elite left has been doing everything possible to enable voting fraud, and hinder attempts to uncover it, stop it. and punish those responsible. Whether its through ballot harvesting, massive mail-in voting or fighting all attempts to mandate voter ID, the left loves itself some shady voting practices.

So it should be no surprise that for five years, Democrat officials have been resisting efforts by election integrity groups to get access to the records that document the votes cast in the 2020 election. (You may remember that election as The Most Honest and Legitimate Election in the History of Elections Ever™.)

In Pennsylvania, the state system retains Cast Vote Records (CVR), which are basically the receipts of votes cast at each election location and voting machine. These records would allow citizens to verify the legitimacy of elections. So the PA Democrat machine would prefer that citizens be prevented from seeing those records.

Unexpectedly!

Once again, the court ruling against the Democrats and for transparency (but I repeat myself) was unanimous!

Finally, and at the risk of counting my chickens before they are hatched, there are yet more encouraging signs coming out of SCOTUS, this time during their questioning of lawyers in a group of cases involving leftist lower court judges’ rulings that Trump shouldn’t be allowed to end Temporary Protected Status (TPS) for Haitians and Syrians.

Theoretically, in such cases a president grants many thousands of foreigners the right to stay in America temporarily, because some natural disaster or dire event in their home countries makes it unsafe for them to remain there. In reality, in such cases a (usually Democrat) president grants many thousands of foreigners who would likely vote Democrat the right to come here “temporarily,” and then repeatedly extends the deadline for them to leave, until they are eventually granted citizenship and become a part of a permanent Democrat voting majority.

And America as we know it ends, with both a bang and a whimper.

In the current cases, Obama granted Haitians TPS in 2010 due to an earthquake, and he granted Syrians TPS in 2012, due to a civil war in Syria. The Haitians were supposed to go back home in 18 months, and the Syrians in a year. If you’ll check your calendar, you’ll find that it is now 2026, and they’re all still here. And a bunch of Democrat lawyers and judges are arguing that it would be a crime against humanity for Trump to end their TPS and force them to do what Obama promised he’d force them to do over a decade ago.

Look, I don’t blame anybody for wanting to come to America, which is the greatest country in the world. (Though I don’t understand why any leftists would want to allow that, since they constantly insist that America is a corrupt and evil fascist state, full of racist and sexist theocratic homophobes and transphobes. How could they subject the poor Haitians and Syrians to that kind of nightmare?!)

But saying that you’re giving someone the chance to stay here temporarily when everybody knows that you intend for them to stay here permanently is a lie. (See: The 10 Commandments.)

Speaking of lies, it’s obvious what the Democratic politicians and judges are doing here. They say that it’s perfectly fine for Obama to unilaterally – without any legislation, or approval from the Congress or the people – grant millions of people “temporary” status with the stroke of a pen. But it would be an unconstitutional crime against our sacred democracy for Trump to revoke that “temporary” status with an identical stroke of his pen.

Those judges and politicians are hypocrites, and it will be another great result if SCOTUS hands them yet one more humiliating defeat.

Have a great weekend, and brace yourself for even more good news on Monday.

Que Mala/Crockett, 2028!

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Get the Popcorn: The Southern Poverty Law Center is Going Down Like the Hindenburg! (posted 4/29/26)

Before yet another assassination attempt on the president, I had been planning to write about the Southern Poverty Law Center scandal, which is a gift that I had already thought was going to keep on giving for quite some time. But as more details have come out about the latest would-be assassin, it looks like he is yet one more example of a leftist who chose violence after believing the kind of creepy poison put out by the SPLC and its dishonest brethren.

The SPLC is a great example of how deeply corrupt and infuriatingly influential the leftist propaganda ecosystem has become in America. It’s a travesty that such a such a transparently abusive and dishonest operation should have maintained its undeserved “credibility” for as long as it did. Billing itself as a sort of moral and political fact-checker, the SPLC claimed to investigate and identify dangerously hateful groups and individuals.

But somehow, those dangerous groups always seemed to be associated with right-wing conservatism. (Or, as nearly every Dem and MSM talking head calls it, “right-wing extremism.”)

Unexpectedly!

For decades, their lists of dangerous hate mongers have routinely included mainstream, non-violent and non-hateful conservatives groups and individuals – Dr. Ben Carson, various Christian and pro-life groups, respected center-right and conservative media figures, etc. At the same time, they have bent over backwards to studiously ignore and NOT list much more extreme leftist radicals like antifa, pro-trans or anti-white groups.

A record like that is self-refuting on its face. Yet even now, if you use the most common search engines, while you’ll find admissions that the overwhelming majority of SPLC targets are right wing, you’ll also be given the most ridiculous claims to justify that bias.

For example, “This [political imbalance] reflects SPLC’s focus on hate‑based ideologies, which in the U.S. are predominantly right‑wing.” After you do a spit-take from that factoid, you’ll read that, “Hate‑based ideologies in the U.S. historically emerge from white supremacist, nativist, and religious‑nationalist movements—each right‑aligned.” Before you can say, “What about antifa or BLM?” you’ll be lectured that, “Left‑wing movements in the U.S. rarely organize around racial or religious hatred, which is SPLC’s primary criterion for inclusion.”

All of which is obviously a toxic mix of Adam Schiff, horse Schiff and bull Schiff. BLM is chock full of vicious whitey haters, and the jihadi-adjacent members of the Squad and many of the Muslim politicos in Dearborn, Minneapolis and elsewhere hate Jews as much as BLM hates whites and La Raza hates gringos.

And in spite of Marxism/socialism/communism’s nominal atheism, that ideology clearly functions as a religion for those without a traditional religion. So the claim that leftist hate groups don’t “organize around racial or religious hatred” is as baseless as the rest of the SPLC’s silly assertions.

But what the evil grifters at SPLC lack in truth, logic and integrity, they more than make up for in political cunning. Because they’ve always known that the institutional left didn’t want an accurate taxonomy of political hate in our nation. They wanted a biased fact-checker whose phony “reports” they could hide behind and use as justification for stigmatizing and censoring conservatives.

And that’s what they’ve clearly been doing, for decades. Much of the big tech censorship of conservative voices was based on such dishonest reports. Search engines and social media shadow-banned conservative podcasts and news outlets, and stories that were harmful to the left – that the Steele report was a Dem-funded fraud cooked up to hamper Trump’s first term; that the Muller report was going to be full of damning findings that would land Trump in prison; that Hunter Biden’s laptop was a Russian hoax, etc.

As an optimist, I see a huge silver lining in the fact that the SPLC had to manufacture and/or pay for supposed right-wing hate groups and their activities. The left needs cartoon villains on the right, both to justify their own hatreds, and to agitate and fund raise off of their supporters. And because there isn’t enough actual hate and racism in the country to justify their wild claims, they had to make up or exaggerate most of the reported racism.

Recidivist criminals who died in the process of committing multiple crimes — like Michael Brown and George Floyd — had to be reinvented as martyrs to racial injustice. Trayvon Martin had to be re-written from a violent, petty criminal who was bashing a man’s head into concrete when he was justifiably shot, into a saintly figure; his Hispanic would-be victim had to be transformed into a “white-Hispanic” “attacker.” Normal, mainstream conservatives had to be turned into raving fascists, so that the thuggish cosplayers in antifa could valorize their own fascist violence.

In fact, the two most significant attempts in the last decade to re-write history — through a combination of exaggerations, omissions and outright lying – were Charlottesville and January 6^th. And the former – deliciously! — turns out to have been largely a creation of the SPLC, and its perverse funding of the KKK in a phony attempt to pretend that a tiny band of fringe whackos was actually a gigantic gathering of an ominous, racist conservative force.

How hilarious is it to consider that a leftist propaganda boiler-room operation named a faux grass-roots gathering “Unite the Right!?” Especially when it featured the Klan – which was always a creation of (and wholly owned subsidiary of) the Democrat left from its inception – and which was funded by the leftists at the SPLC.

Again, when I’ve argued with lefty friends over Charlottesville – they generally bought the SPLC hype about an earth-shaking attack on America by the “greatest threat to democracy” (i.e. “white supremacists”) ever – I’ve pointed out that even after many months of nationwide white nationalist hyping of what was billed as the largest gathering of right-wing bigots in decades, they were only able to draw a few hundred sad sacks.

In a nation of around a third of a billion people!

And that’s before accounting for the fact that at least half of that tiny band was only there because they were being secretly paid to attend by the SPLC!

At the risk of sounding like the lefties who have never heard a Nazi-to-GOP comparison they didn’t love, I did actually think of one authentic National Socialist connection when I first heard that the SLPC had been paying some sad little “Grand Wizard” Klan leaders to rally in Charlottesville.

If you’re not really into World War Eleven history (HA! That Ilhan Omar is a genius, isn’t she?), you might not be familiar with this story. But as a straight white guy over 40, I am contractually obligated to think about WWII – along with the Roman Empire and college and pro football – at least once per day. So I learned about this incident years ago:

On September 1^st, 1939, the Nazis officially kicked off WWII by invading Poland. But they didn’t want to look like they were just aggressors invading Poland. So on the last night of August, they fabricated a precipitating cause.

At around two dozen spots along Poland’s border with Germany, small teams of SS operatives “assaulted” small German outposts including a radio station, a forestry station and a customs house. They dressed the bodies of concentration camp victims in Polish uniforms, and left them at the attack sites.

Then, the next morning, German troops rolled across the border, as the official German press announced that they were only responding to the grave threat posed by the Polish aggressors.

Sound familiar?

Hopefully, as the dishonest conniving of the SPLC is brought to light in coming months, many well-intentioned lefties will reluctantly begin to contemplate the same question confronted by some good Germans, as WWII gained momentum:

“Is it possible that we’re the baddies?”

Spoiler alert: YEP!

Am I betting that this will, at long last, cause most lefties to see the light? Sadly, no.

But hope springs eternal, in the breast of a cautious optimist!

And in the meantime, we’ll all get some sweet schadenfreude from watching SPLC con artists squirming through a trial in which they have to explain why they steered their donors’ cash to the Grand Kleagle of the KKK, Local 231.

Que Mala/Crockett, 2028!

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The Democrat Elite Hate Democracy (posted 4/24/26)

If you’re like me – and what a great world this would be if everybody was – you were very irritated throughout 2024 by two constantly repeated talking points from Democrats and media talking heads (but I repeat myself): “no one is above the law,” and “we are fighting for democracy!”

Both phrases, of course, were false. Because: elite Democrat talking points.

By “no one is above the law,” Dems meant, “No Republicans – and especially Trump — are above the law.” And by “the law” they meant, “whatever we can falsely claim that the law is.”

On the other hand, the Dems created an immense scaffolding of double standards to exempt themselves and their minions from being subject to our laws. They’ve shamefully done everything possible to ensure that EVERYONE on their side is above the law.

Did Hunter Biden film himself breaking many laws against the use of drugs and prostitutes? Did he also launder millions of dollars from the Chicoms and corrupt Ukranian oligarchs – not to mention from “selling” those execrable paintings of his – in violation of various laws? Did “president” Biden accept at least 10% of those illegal funds? Did various Biden family +

members also illegally profit from their political connections to the Cadaver in Chief?

Obviously, in all cases. And rather than insisting that any of those lawbreakers face legal consequences, Joey Gaffes gave them all pardons on his way out the door. Just to be doubly sure that all of them remained above the law.

Of course the most glaring examples of this creepy double standard is the 15-20 million illegals whom the Biden administration illegally welcomed in! All Dem elites constantly argue that illegals should be above the law. They shouldn’t be held responsible for the crime of sneaking in, of working illegally, of driving illegally, of receiving all forms of welfare (except emergency medical services) illegally, or of committing additional violent crimes.

ALL of them should be above the law, and you’re a xenophobic racist if you disagree.

For a long time, “no one is above the law” was the most infuriating Democrat lie to me. But in recent weeks, the “we are the defenders of democracy” has taken top honors. Or, I guess, top dishonors.

The Democrats are obviously doing their best to routinely thwart the democratically expressed will of the people. How could they not, when they’ve consistently taken the “20” end of so many 80-20 issues?

The vast majority of Americans want biological males to be kept out of female bathrooms and locker rooms, and prevented from competing against females in sports. Similarly large majorities want to require voter IDs in elections, and for our border to be closed, and for all violent illegals to be deported. In all of those cases, though, the Dems have done everything possible to oppose the democratic process.

For decades, the Dems have happily used the courts to give them by judicial dictat what they could not win at the ballot box, from school busing to gay marriage to over-regulation to governmentally-approved racial discrimination against Asians and whites. They’re doing the same thing now, cheering every partisan local judge who tries to stop Trump from carrying out the duties of the executive, on whatever flimsy legal reasoning those hacks can find.

Trump’s stunning second election should have given the Dems pause. He won a lopsided victory in the electoral college, and even won the popular vote. If the left actually revered “democracy,” they wouldn’t have immediately tried to delegitimize his victory and oppose every single Trump action. Yet that is exactly what they’ve done.

But the most outrageously dishonest example of recent Democrat hypocrisy has come from the way they’ve handled the issue of gerrymandering congressional voting districts.

To grant the obvious point, gerrymandering is not illegal, and the practice has been around for centuries. Part of the reward of holding an electoral majority when reapportionment happens is to be able to draw borders that will help your party’s prospects in future elections. But that power is obviously open to abuse, and in our messy democratic system, there has usually been an unwritten, gentleman’s agreement that both parties will not abuse the system completely, giving themselves electoral advantages far out of proportion to the partisan breakdown of their state’s citizenry.

But you may have noticed that there are few gentlemen – or gentle-ladies, or gentle-he-shes – left in congress these days. And thus we find the Democrats in blue states doing everything they can to corruptly gerrymander the GOP voters’ voices out of existence.

Before any lefties in the audience can argue that both parties do it, I’ll point you to some actual facts. I’ve chosen 5 of the most prominent Democrat states, and 5 of the most prominent GOP states (some because they are contemplating gerrymandering now).

Here are the GOP states:

Texas – went for Trump over Harris in 2024 by 64%-34%; House seat percentages are 66% GOP to 34% Dem

Tennessee – went for Trump over Harris in 2024 by 64%-34%; House seat percentages are 89% GOP to 11% Dem (8 of 9)

Ohio – went for Trump over Harris in 2024 by 55%-44%; House seat percentages are 66% GOP to 33% Dem

Missouri – went for Trump over Harris in 2024 by 59%-40%; House seat percentages are 75% GOP to 25% Dem

Florida – went for Trump over Harris in 2024 by 56%-43%; House seat percentages are 71% GOP to 29% Dem

You can detect the bias toward the party in power by considering how much their opponents’ House seat percentage under-represents the opposition party’s share of the presidential vote. 40% of Missouri voters were Democrats, yet Dems only held 25% of Missouri House seats, a deficit of 15%. In Florida, 43% of voters were Dems, but only 29% of the House seats, a deficit of 14%. Ohio was closer, with a 11% Dem deficit (44% of the voters, but only 33% of the House seats). TN is trickier, because with only 1 of 9 House seats going to Dems, the deficit is 23% (34% of the vote to just 11% of House seats). Texas had actually zero bias, as 34% of both the vote and House seats belonging to Dems.

Here are the Dem states:

NY – went for Harris over Trump in 2024 by 54%-43%; House seat percentages are 73% Dem to 27% GOP

IL – went for Harris over Trump in 2024 by 55%-43%; House seat percentages are 82% Dem to 18% GOP

CA — went for Harris over Trump in 2024 by 62%-38%; House seat percentages are 74% Dem to 26% GOP

MA — went for Harris over Trump in 2024 by 61%-36%; House seat percentages are 100% Dem to 0% GOP (9 of 9)

NJ — went for Harris over Trump in 2024 by 52%-46%; House seat percentages are 75% Dem to 25% GOP

Of these 5 Dem states, MA repeats the TN anomaly: with only 9 House seats, the 100% Dem seats creates a 36% GOP deficit. The other four states produce GOP deficits of 16% (NY); 12% (CA); 21% (NJ), and, with the worst bias (25%), Illinois.

The math is clear: the 5 Dem states were around twice as biased against the GOP (averaging 22%) than the GOP states were against the Dems (12%). And that doesn’t count the recent, corrupt CA gerrymander, which added a double-digit increase in the existing GOP representational deficit in CA.

To top that off, the Dems’ ridiculous lies about evil White Witch Spanberger’s gerrymander proposal for Virginia are even clearer, given these numbers. When confronted about the transparent corruption in VA, Dems claimed that they were only redrawing their districts because Texas did their gerrymander – which they called “an illegitimate, partisan power-grab” –first.

But consider the numbers. Before the recent gerrymanders, both Texas and VA had basically evenly matched House seats and presidential vote parity. But when Texas’ gerrymander was done, the TX GOP was expected to gain 2 House seats, for a 5% advantage over the Dems. By contrast, the VA Dems were set to cut the 5 GOP House seats to only 1, creating a 36% advantage over the GOP.

So if gerrymandering for partisan advantage is corrupt, the Virginia Democrats are 7 times as corrupt as the Texas GOP, just as the 5 Dem states are twice as corrupt as the GOP.

The Dems may not get away with their attempted disenfranchising of Virginia voters, since a state judge declared it unconstitutional, citing several illegal aspects of that stunt. Hopefully a few judges in VA will be more honest than the national Democrats are.

But regardless, the gerrymandering debate shows that the Democrats are lying about their respect for democracy as much as they were lying when they pretended to believe that “no one is above the law.”

And it reinforces another constant in Democrat politics:

Whenever Dems are accusing the GOP of some form of corruption, you can bet your last dollar that they are actually more guilty of it themselves.

Que Mala/Crockett, 2028!

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Don’t Trust Behar or Tucker for Your Theology (posted 4/20/26)

There are some moments in each election cycle when I wonder if I’m not dreaming — or hallucinating – the things that are going on in our country.

One of those moments came the first time I heard that a national political figure was claiming that men could become women. And before I could check whether that was a hilarious Babylon Bee story, hundreds and then thousands of such insane claims were being mainstreamed all over the place.

Male politicians were wearing dresses and demanding to be called “Ma’am” and “Miss” and “Tina Louise.” Lightly closeted Minnesota Jazz-Hands Enthusiasts were putting female hygiene products in boys’ bathrooms. Major corporations were spending (and losing!) millions of dollars on PR campaigns lying about basic biology. Formerly respectable scientist Neil deGrasse Tyson was claiming that sex was “assigned at birth,” like a social security number (except that nobody was stupid enough to claim that you could change your social security number).

Another such moment was when half of our political elite – including the President, VP and head of Homeland Security – were insisting that the border was closed and secure, when hundreds of thousands of people were flooding across the border every month. This went on for years, with powerful elites making these absurd claims while ON A SPLIT-SCREEN TV SHOT with caravans of illegals approaching and then crossing the border!

And who could forget being reassured that the late Joe Biden was a paragon of mental and physical health, while we watched him falling up mobile airport staircases and down over sandbags and off of bicycles, while talking to dead people, and then staring blankly into space, and then pooping on the Pope. (He finally beat Medicaid, people!)

But even after all of those surreal moments, I did not have “we’ll be getting our theological exegesis from Trump, Joy Behar and Tucker Carlson” on my 2026 bingo card.

By now you’ve all seen the “Trump-as-Jesus” meme, and sure, it’s fun to watch people pretend that they’ve never heard of or seen Donald Trump before, and so are shocked – shocked! — that he’d post offensively self-aggrandizing images. But I also understand that people of faith can argue in very good faith that Trump comparing himself favorably to Lincoln or Washington is different than comparing himself to Christ.

And if you accept Trump’s claim that he thought the painting was comparing him to a doctor rather than Jesus, you might have whatever is the opposite of TDS. (Hint: Doctors wear white lab coats rather than robes, and don’t have a halo effect behind them, and heal people with surgical tools and medicine, rather than an angelic light emanating from their hands.)

I don’t have any problem criticizing the Pope when he makes political statements. When he’s implicitly argued against

enforcing our immigration laws, or criticized relatively small numbers of people being unintentionally killed in legitimate military actions but remained silent when the people we’re fighting slaughter tens of thousands of their own people, for example, he’s opened himself to political criticism, IMHO.

Which is not to say that I’ll be going to any Bible studies led by the president.

On the other hand, do you know who makes Trump look like Thomas Aquinas by comparison? The Reverend doctors Joy Behar and Tucker Carlson.

Behar has always been one dim bulb in an extremely dim candelabra at the View. Though she was raised Catholic, Behar now calls herself an agnostic. But don’t worry: she is still happy to share her theological wisdom with you. For example, last week she proclaimed that, “Jesus did not run around calling himself the Messiah.”

This was too much, even for the Mensa members on the View, several of whom immediately jumped in to say that of course He did. Joy’s response made everyone watching dumber: “No he did not! Jesus was not narcissistic like [Trump.]”

Let that sink in for a moment. That’s not some obscure theological claim. It’s kind of important that in the religion that is based on the idea that Christ is God, Christ taught that he was God. (Duh!)

But Joy was not to be deterred, even after Sara Haines pointed out the obvious: “When you’re the Messiah, it’s not narcissism to claim to say it.” Joy stuck to her incredibly stupid guns, pouting, “Yes it is.”

(Shhhhh. Don’t anybody tell her that He also said, “Before Abraham was, I am.”)

Of course Joy was just following in a long tradition of leftist non-Christians simultaneously mocking Christian for their simple-minded religious beliefs, and also lecturing them about how Jesus (and His great teachings) totally contradicts their political beliefs.

But Tucker Carlson, upon hearing the joyless one expounding on religion, said, “Hold my tall, frosty mug of anti-Semitism and watch this.” And he excreted a novel theological theory: Muslims are actually better Christians than conservative Christians!

(Take it from the guy who favors Hitler over Churchill, Putin over Ukrainians, and jihadis over Israel!)

Tucker’s main take-away quote was that “The people in charge don’t want you to know that Muslims love Jesus.” He went on to explain that Islamic teaching “regards Jesus as a major prophet who performed miracles and is expected to return in the future.”

The smarmy, conspiracy-theory tone here is (sadly) typical of Tucker in recent years. You’ll never guess who the perfidious “people in charge” are! Hint: They’re the ones who control the weather, and worldwide banking, and they’ve got space lasers and wear funny hats. And don’t tell Joy Behar, but Jesus is one of them!

Even though those people are known to be super clever, their work was not exactly cut out for them, in terms of how they could keep us Christians from realizing how much Muslims really love us. Because that idea already seems a little far-fetched to us, just because of a few niggling details.

Details like the last 1400 years of Muslim history, during which Islam has been spread by the sword, and wherever Christians have been unable to defend themselves by force of arms, they’ve been preyed upon and killed in great numbers, with the survivors being subjugated or fleeing for their lives. And details like the Islamic present, wherein every country in which Muslims have achieved a governing majority has oppressed Christians (and Jews) like second-class citizens, at best!

Tucker also doesn’t mention that while Muslims might give lip service to Jesus as a prophet, they don’t believe He was the Christ, or that He was resurrected, or that His future return will bring about peace on earth. To the contrary, they teach that He will reject Christianity and usher in a world-wide Islamic caliphate. In that sense, Muslims agree with Joy Behar – never a comforting position to be in! – because they also don’t believe that He ever called Himself the Messiah.

Why, it’s almost like Tucker is wallowing in a Beharian level of ignorance, dishonesty and bad faith.

In conclusion, as is usually the case, I would rather be on our side, with our team – politically, economically, and even theologically – than on theirs.

Politically, I’ll take Lincoln, Coolidge, and Reagan over Wilson, FDR, and Obama. (And Trump over Hillary, Biden and Que Mala!) Economically, I’ll take Adam Smith, Milton Friedman and Thomas Sowell over Marx, Malthus and Keynes.) And theologically, I’ll take Aquinas, Lewis and Billy Graham over Bin Laden, Hasan Piker and Joy Behar.

And I’ll happily give them the points, and still like our odds!

Que Mala/Crockett, 2028!

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Swalwell Falls, Mamdani Stumbles, & There are Still Some Bright Spots in our Culture Worth Celebrating (posted 4/17/26)

I enjoyed reading about the successful Artemis II moon mission, partly because it reminded me of one of the most daunting and impressive aspects of past space flights: the incredible precision needed to re-enter the atmosphere at precisely the right angle. A little too shallow, and the craft will careen back out into space, and everyone dies. But a little too steep, and the heat and violence of re-entry reaches catastrophic levels, and everyone dies.

When the Artemis II Orion capsule re-entered Earth’s atmosphere, it was falling toward earth at 25,000 miles per hour.

To give you an idea of how fast that is…it was only 10 mph slower than Eric Swalwell’s descent into ignominy over last weekend! And just like that, his political career has died.

I know: that was a convoluted path to arrive at getting a rib kick in on Mr. Fang-Fang. But at this point, there is almost no length to which I would not go to take well-deserved shots at that creepy leftist hypocrite!

His implosion really was impressive in both its speed and devastation. On Thursday he was in a safe House seat and was a leading candidate for California Governor. The news hit on Friday, and he tried to resist the original story…and then apologized and withdrew from the Governor’s race…and then agreed to resign from his House seat at the end of the term…and then resigned immediately…and now is facing potential criminal charges.

You know that you’ve got a really screwed up political career and sexual history when the most wholesome relationship you’ve ever had might be that time you fell for a scandalous honeytrap sexual dalliance with a Chicom spy!

If anything could produce more schadenfreude than watching the fall of Swalwell – remember that time when he assailed Kavanaugh during the transparently bogus attacks on him during his SCOTUS hearings, because if there’s one thing Swalwell can’t stand, it’s men having skeevy sexual relationships with women! – it’s watching the corrupt Democrats falling all over themselves insisting that they had no idea about Swalwell’s sexual exploitation of every woman within groping distance.

Imhotep Pelosi is shocked – shocked, I tells ya! – that Swalwell turns out to be a recidivist sex pest. Ruben Gallego was Swalwell’s best friend and chaired his short-lived 2020 presidential campaign, and he was clueless too. In fact no high-profile Dems ever said a peep about the issue.

All of which might be more convincing if the entire world hadn’t known that Swalwell was banging Fang Fang, and the Dems STILL kept him on the intelligence committee.

Make your own jokes about “intelligence” and “Swalwell” – that’s a slow pitch over the middle of the plate for sure. But intelligence is the committee most involved with foreign relations and security, and it took the GOP winning the House to forcibly pry Swalwell’s groping hands off that committee.

And the Dems in congress thought that was horrible. All of the most egregious Dems – including Hakeem Jeffries, Schiff and Ilhan Omar – protested the injustice of removing such a fine, upstanding fellow as Swalwell.

So they can all suck it, Trebek.

Speaking of entertainingly disastrous leftist efforts plummeting to earth at great speed, have you been following the opening months of Commie Mamdani’s NYC mayoralty? His latest entirely predictable face-plant involves the first of his promised government grocery stores.

And no, these won’t be anything like the Soviet or Cuban or Nicaraguan government grocery stores, which typically offered many square feet of filthy, poorly lit empty shelves, containing a total inventory of 2 brown, wilted heads of lettuce dating to the reign of Queen Victoria, a package of horse sausage that was more mold than either horse or sausage, and a pair of mismatched, clunky brown shoes, for some reason.

No! These government grocery stores will be crammed full of every food product known to humanity, all of it fresh, and basically free!

Annnndddd…the first store location and plan has been announced. It is going to be a small bodega, which is expected to cost $30 million taxpayer dollars, and to be completed in 2029.

Which means that it will actually cost $97 million, and will open in 2038.

But let’s look at the bright side. If it is completed in 2029 (it won’t be), think of the great appetite that all of the leftist dopes who believe in socialism and free lunches will have built up by then! I’ll bet that some moldy horse sausage and slimy brown lettuce will look pret-ty good to those emaciated morons.

Say what you will about Mamdani. (That he’s an arrogant nepo baby imbecile, for example. Or that he’s a communist and a Jew-hating jihadi.) But he has certainly put the “bone” in “bon appetite.”

Let me send you off into the weekend with a couple of feel-good cultural recommendations.

If you haven’t seen Ted Lasso yet, please give that a watch. I never watched it when it came out, because the subject matter did not sound alluring to me: American football coach goes to England to coach a soccer team. (Nope!)

But one of my old friends recommended it to me, and said that I reminded him of the title character. Which turned out to be one of the nicest compliments I’ve ever gotten, once I started watching the show. It’s a really sweet, well-written and funny show, and I now understand what the fuss was all about when it first came out.

In a similarly heartening and wholesome vein, I just stumbled across a YouTube channel called Jack Aynsley Travel. It features a young, married British couple who travel all over America for about six months, recording the encounters they have with normal, everyday Americans.

In his introduction, the host mentions that the press often presents a negative picture of America and Americans, but he finds the opposite. At the beginning of the first episode he references “an America you never see in the headlines. A kind of warmth and pride and honesty that you just can’t fake.”

The only episode I’ve watched covers the south, and everyone everywhere is really generous with the couple, glad to see them, and happy to show them the local food and sites. They are treated to some skeet shooting, and are invited to ride in boats, on ATVs and on horses. They tailgate in Tuscaloosa and watch an Alabama football game (sure, it’s not a Gator game, but still pretty cool), and sample amazing food and drinks and hospitality along the way.

It’s nice to be reminded that the internet isn’t all porn and conspiracies and lowest-common-denominator bad behavior.

So if you’re feeling a little down, as if the whole country is full of sleazy politicians, violent lefty protesters, Somali scammers and unhinged Tucker Carlsons, check out Jack Aynsley Travel, and tell me what you think.

Que Mala/Crockett, 2028!

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What’s Wrong with Formerly Conservative Podcasters, & How Tim Miller Hilariously Beclowned Himself (posted 4/13/26)

After two consecutive columns full of good news, I’ve got a mix of good and bad today. And as always, I prefer taking the medicine before the honey.

I’ve spoken disparagingly (and frequently) of RINOs and other spineless GOP congress-weasels in the past, but it pains me to see the way some formerly conservative commentators and podcasters have left the reservation, and gravitated toward a combination of leftism, anti-American sentiment, and anti-Semitism.

And yes, a Venn Diagram of those three issues (settle down, Que Mala) would contain a lot of overlap.

I’m thinking of figures ranging from Nick Fuentes – who is about as conservative as Bernie Sanders, and so hasn’t ever really fit in the mainstream right– to Candace Owens (ditto), to Tucker Carlson, whom I used to really like, but who has taken up permanent intellectual residence on Bat Guano Crazy Island. (If somebody gives you A-B choices about who was/is the good guy in the following pairings – Hitler vs. Churchill; Putin vs. Netanyahu; the Iranian Ayatollahs and Hezbollah and Hamas terrorists vs. the Israelis – and you not only hesitate, but pick the wrong one in each case, you should not be taken seriously.)

Saddest of all, for me, has been Megyn Kelly. She is still very good on a lot of issues, but she’s gone past legitimate questions (IMHO) about the Iran war and Israel and into reflexive bias that has driven out her usual common sense and fairness.

She says that when she made even slight criticisms of Israel since Charlie’s murder, many Jewish lobbyists from AIPAC and elsewhere started slamming her as anti-Semitic. That has clearly made her furious, and she now paints the Iran war as 100% unjustified and illegitimate. In recent weeks she has railed about how the wily Israelis manipulated Trump into going to war, how they want to extend the war out of bloodlust, and how they have become the main obstacle to peace because of how they are “carpet bombing” Lebanon.

I believe her about Jewish groups recklessly and aggressively hammering her, despite her previous track record for supporting Israel. But I think that those personal attacks have elicited a similarly personal and increasingly embittered reaction from her, which you can see in the uncharacteristically illogical and thinly supported arguments she’s been making against Israel and the war.

Last week she repeatedly and sarcastically sniped at “our great, close allies the Israelis,” as when she blamed them for tricking Trump into the war. She’s ignoring the widely known truth about Trump, which she has herself often acknowledged: he is a stubborn alpha – for good and ill – who often slaps around his allies, both foreign and domestic. (For example, he famously snapped that both the Israelis and the Iranians “don’t know what the f**k they’re doing” when they continued to exchange missile strikes after the 12-day war last year.) So when she claims that the Israelis manipulated Trump into war, she’s besmirching both the “wily Jews” and Trump.

She also blamed Israel for “carpet bombing” Lebanon, when they’ve done nothing of the sort. As is their consistent modus operandi, they’ve taken great pains to make targeted strikes on terrorist fighters and infrastructure, while minimizing civilian deaths, unlike their jihadist enemies. Megyn never mentions that in the six weeks of the Iran war, Hezbollah has fired between 3000-5000 rockets, missiles and drones into Israel, killing around a dozen soldiers and a handful of civilians, along with many more wounded and many buildings damaged.

So as per usual, Hezbollah (and their sponsor Iran) have continually attacked Israel, and Israel has continued to retaliate, as every nation has a right to do in that situation. But in Megyn’s telling, Israel continues to hammer Hezbollah for no good reason, other than Netanyahu’s desire to kill, and the Jews’ desire to thwart Trump’s attempt to end the war.

She even signed on to the ridiculous Iranian lie that the Trump administration had agreed with Iran’s demand that Israel stop any hostilities with Hezbollah in Lebanon as one of their 10 pre-conditions for peace talks. As a former lawyer and an experienced observer of politics, Megyn knows that countries normally exchange a list of their goals as a starting point for negotiations. In this case, Trump gave a 15-point wishlist (Iran gives up a nuclear weapons program, stops interfering with oil shipments through the Straits of Hormuz, etc.), and the Iranians gave their 10-point wishlist, which was a fantasy, considering how badly they’ve been stomped since the war started.

They want to retain the right to pursue nukes, for example, as well as the right to control and tax ship traffic through the Straits, and to get reparations from the US for attacking Iran (after 47 years of Iranian attacks on us and our allies!) And, of course, they want Israel to be forced to stop striking Hezbollah in Lebanon. Which, as I noted above, really means that Israel must stand by and allow continuing Hezbollah attacks to kill and wound their citizens without responding.

There is no logical reason we should expect Israel to agree to that. If we were in their position – if, say, an ally of ours wanted to negotiate a treaty with Mexico, while Mexico was simultaneously firing missiles into our country – we wouldn’t tolerate another nation telling us we couldn’t retaliate against Mexico.

Besides, Lebanon is nowhere near the theatre of war in Iran; it is 1300 miles away! If Iran had not armed Hezbollah and doesn’t want them to continue attacking Israel, they have no reason to object when Israel gives Hezbollah some of their own medicine. And if Iran HAS armed Hezbollah and DOES want them to continue attacking Israel – which is obviously the case – we should rightly tell them to stick their demands up their impotent, comatose ayatollah’s cardboard backside!

The whole thing is ridiculous, and the Trump administration (from JD on down) has denied agreeing to such unrealistic Iranians demands. But on Wednesday, Megyn openly said that we’re lying about that, and the Iranian butchers are telling the truth!

I don’t have any faith in Candace or Tucker, but I’m hoping that Megyn will be able to get over her antipathy against Netanyahu and Israel, and come back to us from the dark side.

Having said all that, I’d like to celebrate a sweet serving of schadenfreude that Tim Miller brought down on his own head last week.

Miller is a former GOP political operative and current host of the TDS-suffused podcast The Bulwark. In the past, Miller worked on the campaigns of John McCain, Jon Huntsman, Mitt Romney, and Jeb! Bush.

Because of course he did.

I recently had the pleasure of re-watching a video compilation of the Bulwark’s coverage of election night in 2024, and I recommend it as a pick-me-up if you’ve been watching too much depressing nonsense from Tucker or Megyn. Miller and his companions started the evening smug, gloating over Trump’s Orange Hitlerness and Que Mala’s inevitable victory. And then, over 8 hours they descended through the five stages of grief, except that instead of “acceptance,” they finally landed on “insulting American voters for daring to prefer Trump to the Cackler.”

Good times!

Anyway, last week Miller got offended by Melania’s press conference. And because he is a small man, he decided to insult her intelligence, rather than addressing the substance of her speech.

Because of course he did.

Miller tweeted, “Why can’t the first lady speak english? It’s been 10 years since her husband ran for president consider getting a tutor.”

Let me count the ways in which this small-minded tweet is a hilarious self-own:

1. Melania can speak English, as is obvious from her many interviews and speeches, and the press conference that Miller is referring to. She speaks accented but clearly understandable English; you don’t need subtitles when listening to her. And for the record, her accent is freaking adorable! (Her Slovenian accent – “give,” “it,” and “him” become “geev,” “eet” and “heem,” and her “w”s have a Germanic “v” pronunciation – makes her sound a little like a somehow sexy Lady Dracula.)

2. Miller is falsely claiming that she can’t speak English to imply that she is stupid. But Melania speaks at least two languages (Slovenian and English), and is reportedly conversational in three more (French, German and Italian). Meanwhile, as far as I can tell, Miller only speaks English. Which, if his implication that speaking more languages makes one smarter is true, that would make Melania at least twice as smart as Miller, and possibly five times as smart. Which still sounds a little low to me.

3. But even though English is Miller’s one and only language, and even though he writes in that language for a living, he doesn’t appear to be very good at it. Because in a two-sentence tweet, he makes five grammar errors! In this context, “first lady” and “english” are both proper nouns, and should be capitalized. And his second sentence is actually a run-on. There should be a period after “president,” and the imperative last sentence should start with a capital letter.

4. In addition, Miller’s own leftist catechism teaches that only a xenophobic bigot would criticize any immigrant for failing to learn English, let alone for speaking it with a slight accent. So not only is Miller a condescending xenophobe, he’s also a colossal hypocrite. Because you know that if you dared to criticize a gang-banging human smuggler who has been here illegally for 20 years and yet is still illiterate in English, Timmy would shake his tiny fist in outrage.

When Miller’s clueless, self-beclowning tweet got ratioed by many people pointing out his errors, he stupidly returned to Twitter and compounded his mistake with yet another flawed effort: “Strong move to refocus on Epstein in order to distract from the Straight of Hormuz disaster.”

Never mind the fact that Miller’s claim doesn’t make sense. (If Trump’s non-existent illicit tie to Epstein has been falsely used by Miller’s leftist co-religionists to hurt Trump, he would never try to draw attention to it as a distraction from the non-disastrous Hormuz “disaster.”) Because once again, this time in a one-sentence tweet (!), Miller makes a howler of an error.

Even though Miller only speaks English, and even though the words “straights” and “straits” are both English words, he manages to mix them up.

Now I don’t know what’s in Tim Miller’s head. (Other than tumbleweeds and the sound of a lonely, whistling wind, probably.) But he is definitely gay. (Which likely contributes to his immunity to Melania’s supermodel looks and alluring Slovenian accent.)

So you don’t need to be Sigmund Freud to guess why a dishonest, small-minded dullard like Tim Miller might subconsciously associate “straights” with “disaster.”

In the words of FLOTUS hottus, “Geev me a break, Meester Meeler. You sound like an eediot.”

Que Mala/Crockett, 2028!

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