Reasons to Live in Florida, & Biden is Ineducable (posted 5/2/22)

I’m still awaiting two very important numbers in the continuing saga of whether we’ll be able to restore our beautiful Victorian rental house, Rosewood, which was burned on April 13th.  Those numbers are a bid for the restoration costs, and the amount of insurance money we’ll receive. 

I hope to know more within the next week or so, but in the meantime, I’ve posted another picture from the house, this time of the second downstairs rosewood fireplace mantel.  I think the wood in this one is prettier than the first, except that it doesn’t have the lion’s head tiles lining the firebox. 

If you’re interested, you can see the new pic at Martinsimpsonwriting.com. 

I’ve got a couple of stories to discuss today, and I’d like to start with a local one that I’d file under, “Reasons to Live in Florida.”  It features one of my new favorite public officials, Santa Rosa County Sheriff Bob Johnson.

A few weeks ago, Johnson reported on a 32-year-old recidivist criminal called Brandon Harris, who was apprehended after going on a burglary spree in the small town of Pace, FL. 

Harris, who recently took second place in a “Stupidest Harris in America” competition – the winner was Que Mala – was out plying his trade, breaking into multiple houses.  (In fact, he may have pulled off a two-fer, since he is also the second stupidest Brandon in America!)

Several homeowners objected, and called the cops, who responded with about 20 officers and some great police dogs.  At least one homeowner took a shot at Harris – tragically, he missed – but the cops and the dogs finally caught up to him in a house on – I kid you not – Tom Sawyer Lane.

All that is a pretty typical crime story.  You can imagine how it would be covered in a big blue city anywhere in the country: poor, disenfranchised victim of society forced into petty theft to feed his family, then cruelly set upon by fascist police.

Inconveniently, Harris is white, so the local media would not be announcing a campaign to build a statue of him in the town square.  But he would still get a lot of sympathy, and the evil guy who shot at him would be looking at some serious jail time.

But not in Santa Rosa County, and not on Bob Johnson’s watch! 

Johnson put up a picture of Harris – dull-witted, shaved head, half a goatee, surly expression – and narrated the day’s events masterfully.  He reported that Harris is a “frequent flyer,” having been first arrested at 13, and then 16 more times before his latest burglary spree.  “We sent him to prison for 6 and a half years for home invasion, and he just can’t seem to get the picture that crime doesn’t pay.” 

So I already like the cut of this guy’s jib.

But then – in what might be the finest paragraph written since Jefferson penned the first paragraph of the Preamble to the Declaration of Independence — Johnson addressed the fact that the identity of the homeowner who shot at Brandon Harris was not known: 

“I guess they think they did something wrong, which they did not.  If someone’s breaking into your house, you’re more than welcome to shoot them in Santa Rosa County.  We prefer that you do, actually.  Whoever that was, you’re not in trouble, come see us.  We have a gun safety class we put on every other Saturday.  If you take that, you’ll shoot a lot better, and hopefully you’ll save the taxpayers money.”     

Good lord!  Let’s bask in those glorious words: If a criminal breaks into your house, you are more than welcome to shoot him!  We prefer it!!  And we’ll help make you a better shot, so you can save the taxpayers some money!!! 

If mere words could give physical pleasure, I’d be the Meg Ryan character at the diner in When Harry Met Sally right now.  Only I wouldn’t be faking it.

God bless you, Bob Johnson! And if I might suggest a counter-part to the satiric closing lines of most of my columns… DeSantis/Johnson 2024!

In other news, I continue to be heartened by Joey Gaffes’ inability to learn from his mistakes, and the corresponding devastation that awaits him and his party in November. 

Recent Exhibit A: Several weeks ago, a judge struck down the federal airplane mask mandate, and immediately videos began appearing of normal people celebrating: cheers, songs, people twirling their masks over their heads like strippers about to toss garments into a crowd of horndogs.

It looked like a scaled down version of VJ Day, and everybody was a sailor looking for a nurse to smooch, or a nurse looking for a sailor. 

Except for the tiny remnant of paranoiac lefty true believers, whom you could recognize by their double-masks, their face shields and their sour expressions.  They sneered at their ebullient fellow citizens as if they were Ilhan Omar at a bar mitzvah, and couldn’t even ululate in outrage.

Any normal politician in Biden’s position would look at that situation and thank God that he’d been given an election-year off-ramp.  Normal people everywhere are sick of the mask-wearing, but Biden’s far-left loony fringe are committed to the face-burka, and would be furious if he bowed to common sense.

And now here is manna from heaven: he can drop the unpopular mandate, and blame it on that judge.  It’s a win-win.

But not Brandon.  He looks at that free helping of delicious chicken salad and says to himself, “I wonder if I can turn this into chicken Schumer?”  And he appeals the judge’s ruling!

This can only end in two ways for him: bad, and worse. 

Bad would be for a ruling to come down several months from now (closer to the election!) upholding the judge, which would only remind everyone that Biden wants to force them into masks, and that he’s on such a losing streak that he couldn’t even accomplish that.

Worse would be for the judge to reinstate the mask mandate, and remind everyone that this fresh hell is brought to you by Joe Biden and the Democrat party.

Recent Exhibit B:  Because the Dems don’t realize that Orwell’s novel 1984 is about them, they decided to create an ominously titled “Disinformation Governance Board,” which evokes echoes of the Ministry of Truth, only even creepier.  Because governing through disinformation is their modus operandi.

Coming on the heels of their “the censors have no clothes” hysteria over Elon Musk buying Twitter and promising to use it to promote freedom of speech, the optics are terrible. 

But there’s one way to make the optics even more terrible: appoint a biased AOC clone – not overly smart, with equally crazy eyes, and less attractive – to run the damn thing. 

Nina Jankowicz has a long backstory full of disqualifying evidence, from wacky singing videos to serious condemnation of true stories (Hunter’s laptop is a Russian false flag!) as disinformation, and lauding of disinformation (Steele’s dossier is accurate!) as true.

Sure, you might say, “Who better to police disinformation than someone who has expertise in creating and disseminating disinformation?”

But then you would stop yourself – because you’re not insane – and say, “Anybody! Anybody would be better.  Also, this is not an office or a position that should exist in a free republic.”

Biden is absolutely ineducable, and all he can do is keep doubling down on the terrible mistakes he’s already made.  He’s a textbook example of the old saying, “Dead men learn no lessons.”

No, wait.  That’s not it.  I think it’s, “Jeffrey Epstein tells no tales.”  Or was that Mary Jo Kopeckne?

You know… you know the thing!

Avenatti/ “Let’s go Brandon” Harris 2024!

One Sad Story, and One Happy One (posted 4/29/22)

As is becoming a pattern, I’ll start with a brief update on our burned Victorian house, called Rosewood. 

I’m not trying to get ahead of myself, but we’ve met with a contractor, and had multiple talks with our insurer, and it’s looking more likely that the house is going to survive, and maybe that we’ll be able to hold on to it through the necessary, extensive renovations. I’ll write more about this soon, as I know more.

In the meantime, I’ve posted another picture to my site (Martinsimpsonwriting.com), this one of the double front doors, with stained glass inserts.  We had these windows removed, repaired, and re-installed when we bought the house, and the doors are lightly damaged, but will definitely be saved.  I took this pic from inside the house, and the pinkish-looking glass is actually a darker red color.

A reader mentioned that she went to my site and could see my columns, but no pictures. 

First, the columns should be reason enough to go there. 😊 Second, I tried on my phone and got the same problem.  The only thing I can conclude is that you need to use a computer to access my site, if you want to see the pictures.  I’ll be making some upgrades to the site soon, and see if I can fix that.

Turning to the larger world, I’ve been thinking about two stories over the last 10 days, one tragic and one delightful.

The first is the grim Chicom crackdown on their own population in Shanghai over the latest covid outbreak.  Reports suggest that tens of millions of people have been virtually imprisoned in their apartments on the pretext of preventing the spread of a virus – which is still spreading – that had at the beginning of these new lockdowns resulted in 3 deaths. 

I see one small bright side to this horrific story, and one huge one. 

The small one applies to the Biden administration, which has to be grateful that they can finally point to a government whose reaction to covid is even worse and less competent than theirs!

The huge one is the added wake-up call – as if, at this late date, we still needed one – to rational Americans everywhere about the danger of allowing a power-hungry government to exploit a public health “emergency” to increase their own control over their people.  

The most chilling details I’ve seen come from video shot early this month, of high rises in which thousands of people had gone out onto their balconies and screamed, protested and sang to cope with their suffering.

Then a government drone appeared, broadcasting their communist overlords’ propaganda.  I don’t speak Chinese – although if anyone who does will send me a phonetic pronunciation of “Let’s Go, Brandon” in either Mandarin or Cantonese, I will do my best to learn – the translation provided is eerie:

“Please comply with covid restrictions.  Control your soul’s desire for freedom.  Do not open the window or sing.”  

If this isn’t a perfect encapsulation of our leftist elites’ message to the American people over the last two years, I don’t know what is! 

Comply with our restrictions (even though the scientific basis for them has been disastrously overblown and/or absolutely disproven). 

“Control your soul’s desire for freedom.” Wow.  That’s a lot of admissions against the totalitarians’ interest in a very few words:  Yes, people have souls.  And yes, those souls have an innate desire for freedom. 

And yes, your leftist betters are hell-bent (literally, IMHO) on suppressing and thwarting that desire for freedom. 

Also, trying to engage in the outside world, and singing, are strictly forbidden. 

Well done, Chicom murderers.  You’ve given the American Dem elite a perfect slogan for their 2022 and 2024 campaigns!

Speaking of the lefty elite, it has been a schadenfreude-tastic experience to watch them getting progressively (HA!) more hysterical as Elon Musk has run circles around them.

I was never a fan of Jack “Boots” Dorsey.  (Anybody who grows a beard like that – not because he’s been thrown into solitary confinement in Alcatraz or a Super-Max somewhere, but voluntarily – is not to be trusted!) 

But his successor as Twitter CEO is a smarmy little creep whose name I refuse to learn how to spell, because life is too short.  Conveniently, it’s very close to an anagram for “pagan narwhal.”  So I’ve got that going for me.

Mr. Narwhal and his board of arrogant and pinch-faced censors initially panicked when Musk announced that he’d bought around 10% of the company stock.  They tried a ju-jitsu counter-move by playing nice and putting him on the board, which would have kept him on a leash and without any real power to force substantive changes.

Musk turned them down, and teased the idea of offering to buy huge blocks of Twitter stock from shareholders.  The board responded with a “poison pill,” deflating the value of their shareholders’ stock in a desperate move to thwart Musk. 

He pointed out that this would be screwing their shareholders, and triggering a tsunami of lawsuits that would tie them up in court for years, and devastate the company.   Then, while they were still reeling, he announced a financing package that allowed him to buy the company right out from under them.   

You’ve heard of one person playing chess while a less intelligent person plays checkers?

Well this was Musk playing 4-D chess while the Twitter board was playing “Pull Your Dress Over Your Head and Soil Yourself While Stomping Around in a Room Full of Rakes.”

(And yes, for you history buffs, that is the very same sport which recently inducted Joey Gaffes and Que Mala into its Hall of Fame.)  

The predictable Schumer-storm of hypocritical outrage, projection and tantrum-throwing has been a wonder to behold. 

Hollywood celebrities, leftist pols and MSM talking heads unwittingly revealed their bone-deep dishonesty and bad faith when they raged against the prospect of transparency and free speech taking hold at Twitter.

A columnist from the Washington Post – owned by partisan leftist billionaire Jeff Bezos – warned against the dire consequences of… wait for it… allowing a partisan billionaire to control a media outlet!

Many others cluelessly panicked over the prospect that Twitter might be used to stifle the reach of people who disagreed with its owner, or even that it might affect election outcomes by suppressing negative information about opponents while covering up the scandals of its own side.

The hell you say!       

I don’t think that Musk is a conservative, but in the context of, “the enemy of my enemy is my friend,” I am cheering him on.  If he sticks to his promise to transform Twitter into a platform that fosters and welcomes the free marketplace of ideas and speech, he’ll have done a great service to our country.  

Meanwhile, internal leaks and message boards are full of overwrought Twitter employees rending their garments and gnashing their teeth over their new boss’ hideous promises of freedom. 

Terrible, terrible freedom!

If I were ever to feel any sympathy for those malevolent, emotionally stunted children trapped in gender-fluid adult bodies — so far, nope! – I guess I’d give them the same advice they’ve sneered to the many conservatives they’ve been censoring over the last 6 years:

Stop whining, and build your own Twitter!  

Avenatti and Pagan Narwhal, 2024: Control your Soul’s Desire for Freedom!