Andy Ngo Wins a Suit Against Antifa, Suspicious Russian “Plane Crash,” & Customer Shoots Thief Without Spilling his Beer (posted 8/25/23)

The state of the 2024 race is so depressing that I’m not going to go into this weekend dwelling on it.  Instead, I’ve looked for other, more uplifting stories to write about:

My first good-news story comes from, of all places, Portland!  Four years ago, a violent leftist mob of (mostly peaceful) antifa scumbags – in the middle of several years of attacks and destruction – attacked Andy Ngo.  (He is a small Vietnamese-American gay journalist with the heart of a lion.) They threw projectiles at him, beat him with wooden signs and their fists, and threw noxious liquids on him, causing him severe injuries, including a brain injury. 

Tragically, none of them were beaten and imprisoned for many years.  But this week, in a Portland court-room (!), Ngo won a settlement from one of his attackers, and a judgment of $300K against three others.

His lawyer is conservative hoss Harmeet Dhillon (we could have had her as our RNC head, instead of RINO Ronna Romney-McDaniel!), and they both admit that they’ll have a hard time collecting the $300K, given the thugs’ “history of evasion.”

Not to mention their utter unemployability!  Look at a pic of one of the three, a pathetic dude named Joseph Evans who wears blue eye shadow and lipstick, and now identifies himself as a woman named “Sammich Overkill Schott-Deputy.”  (And no one has ever hollered at this delusional goon, “Make me a sammich!”) 

Right now his only chance to get hired anywhere is with the Biden administration’s nuke department, which has an opening since the bald, lipstick-wearing luggage-thief Sam Brinton is in the can.    

The next story proves that protesters in big Dem-run hell-hole cities like NYC CAN be arrested… but only if they are protesting their corrupt local government forcing illegal migrants into their neighborhoods. 

Several hundred citizens protested Democrats’ latest plan to create a 1000-bed tent facility on the grounds of what had been a nursing home (for elderly American citizens) in Queens.  Some protestors said inflammatory and outrageous things such as, “I don’t mind people coming here, but they’re coming here illegally, and then we have to support them.”

A dozen people practicing civil disobedience were arrested.  And this comes just a few months after the city agreed to pay $21,500 each to 320 leftist George Floyd protestors who had been “arrested, detained or subjected to force” by cops.  Great job!

Hey New Yorker taxpayers, aren’t you glad you get to pay off leftist protestors, and pay for the arrest of non-violent non-leftist protestors, and pay for many thousands of illegals who are costing you millions and further degrading your already diminished quality of life?

How’s that century-plus of voting Democrat working out for you?

But even NY Dems could have it worse.  They could be formerly living person Yevgeny Prigozhin, the Wagner Group leader who clashed with Putin in the summer, and then coincidentally died this week in a totally coincidental plane crash.  

At this point the Putin News Network is about as trustworthy as CNN, MSNBC or the rest of our MSM.  So I have a few doubts about the veracity of Moscow’s account of Prigozhin’s death.  

Exhibit A: Prigozhin supposedly died along with 9 other people who were on a plane with him.  But that can’t be right, because you couldn’t find 9 people in Russia who would recognize that they were getting on a plane with the guy who screwed with Putin without all 9 of them doing whatever it took to get off that plane before it took off.

They’d be tumbling down that mobile airplane staircase like Biden tumbling up one!

Exhibit B:  This transcript of an interview between a Pravda Hack (let’s call him Jake Tappervich) and a dead-eyed Putin apparatchik that was leaked to me personally by one of my Kremlin insider sources:

Tappervich:  So you’re saying that Prigozhin died in a plane crash?

Putin Apparatchik (PA): Exactly.

Tappervich: Can we see the body?

PA: No.  Is very messy. When firing squad gets done with someone, you don’t want to show that on tv.

Tappervich:  Firing squad?  I thought you said it was a plane crash?

PA: Da, da.  Plane crash.

Tappervich: But you said, “firing squad.”

PA: Da.  Is Russian slang phrase for plane crash.  You know, like on 9/11, all the Russians were saying, “Can you believe both of those firing squads in NYC?” or “That Captain Sully, he successfully managed that firing squad in the Hudson River after hitting those geese.”

Tappervich: I speak Russian, and I’ve never heard that phrase before.

PA (squinting menacingly at Tappervich): Are you saying that President Putin is not fluent in Russian slang phrases?

Tappervich: No, no, of course not.  (nervously tugging at his necktie) So… has an official cause of death been announced.

PA: Da.  Many bullet wounds.

Tappervich (swallowing hard): Did you say, “bullet wounds?”

PA: Da.  As in, “when plane hits ground, it results in many bullet wounds.”

Tappervich:  So… that’s another Russian slang phrase?

PA. Da.  Like when we say, “President Putin’s last 8 rivals died after ‘falling out of high window.’”  Which of course is Russian phrase meaning “heart attack.”

And… scene.

Finally, let’s go to the“F— around and Find Out” file, to read the story of recidivist criminal and ineducable bonehead Cordelius Anthony Martin, who recently entered a convenience store in Cassopolis, Michigan, pulled a mask over his face, and announced a robbery. 

Sidebar: “Cassopolis” is a fantastic name for a small town. It’s got the great Greek ending of “polis” (meaning “city”), and the great first syllable of “Cass,” which is short for Cassie, who (as all well-informed people know) is my Wonder Dog. 

So Cassopolis, properly translated, is “Cassie City.”

As you might guess, Cassie City is one of those types of small towns referenced in the recent Jason Aldean song, “Try That in a Small Town.” 

And just as in that song, the lowlife Biden voter in this story did just that.  So feel free to pause here, pull up the video of that song, and play it softly in the background as you read the following account.  I’ll wait…

Okay, Cordelius – I’m assuming that if he had any friends (which I’m assuming he doesn’t), they’d call him “Cordy” – had armed himself with a box cutter.

Unfortunately for the Cord-ster, he was met not by a box – which would have been perfect for a crook carrying a boxcutter! – but by a clerk and a customer.  Judging by the clerk’s headgear, I think he was a Sikh.  And you know what that often means:

Stick fight! 

Usually in a stick vs. knife fight, the odds are pretty even.  The stick gives you longer reach and a chance to stay out of knife range and pummel the bad guy, if you are nimble, and have been well trained in the ancient Sikh arts of Stick Fu and Jui-stick-su.

On the other hand, a stick can’t easily open a carotid artery and wash the store in arterial spray.  So the knife guy has that going for him.

Unfortunately, the Sikh in question didn’t produce a stick.  Instead, he started to give up the cash to Cordelius.  (And at his home dojo, his Sikh sensei face-palmed himself in disgust.) 

Fortunately, all heroes don’t wear capes.  Sometimes they carry six-packs of light beer.  And that’s what the customer that night was carrying. 

But he was also carrying.  Because he had a concealed carry permit, and a pistol to go with it.   So it turns out that Cord-o had brought a boxcutter to a gunfight. 

Guess how that went?

Spoiler alert:  blam, blam, blam, blam, blam, blam, BLAM!

That’s right, the customer fired 7 shots.  And as I watched the store video, I heard the late Howard Cosell’s voice in my head: “Down goes Cordy!  Down goes Cordy!”

Tragically, one innocent liquor bottle was hit by one of the shots.  But three of the shots struck home, hitting Cordelius in the arm, back and face.  He dropped to the floor and tried to crawl away – as one does after being shot three times – but the gunman held him there until the police arrived.

The greatest detail in this story?  The armed citizen – whose name has not been released – never put down the beer! 

Most Americans in this situation would be expected to say something like, “Hold my beer, and watch me shoot this criminal.”  But not this man.  This amazing, admirable, anonymous man.  He said to himself, “I’m going to hold my own beer, and STILL shoot this criminal.”

Now some persnickety types might point out that firearms trainers would teach you to adopt a comfortable and stable shooting stance, use your dominant eye to aim while keeping the front and back sights of your pistol aligned, and hold the gun in both hands.  

But if they’re so smart, why don’t they advise you to shift your six pack from your dominant, shooting hand to your non-dominant hand before you draw and shoot a criminal? 

And do they even take into account how freaking cool you look, holding a six-pack in one hand and perforating a criminal with the other?

Admittedly, Cordelius survived the shooting, and sure, only three shots hit him.  But again: a lot of blood was spilled, but not one drop of beer.

So let’s focus on the big picture: No beer harmed.  The armed hero citizen is not being charged.  And since Cordelius was already a thrice-convicted felon, he’s now eligible for life in prison.  We call that a win-win-win. 

If only our national political life were going as well as things in Cassie City!

Biden delenda est!

“Dr.” Jill Biden/ Sammich Overkill Biden-Voter, 2024!