I’ll start today with a story that combines three of my pet peeves – white supremacists, lying leftist media, and sleazy smears of Ron DeSantis — into one Schiff-sandwich of a non-troversy.
Regular readers may remember that when my oldest daughter was a 2-and-a-half-year-old bundle of cuteness and smarts, I had already taught her to memorize three key things.
The first was the prayer I’d say with her when tucking her into bed. (“Now I lay Kate down to sleep/ I pray thee Lord her soul to keep/ Thy love guard her through the night/ and wake her up in the morning light.”)
(I have to admit that I’ve got a soft spot for the Old Testament/Germanic darkness of the OG version I was taught, with the line, “If I should die before I wake/I pray thee Lord my soul to take.” Even as a child, after mom would recite that one with me and then turn off the light, I remember thinking, “What’s the over/under on me dying before I wake? Good lord!”)
The second was the old “Which is your favorite one of Aristotle’s logical fallacies?” (If you want the backstory to that one, you can read my amazing wedding speech for her, from last July, on my website Martinsimpsonwriting.com)
But the third one never failed to crack me up. Whenever Katie was playing quietly in the room, or maybe just toddling through, and something happened on tv that I didn’t like – a ref blowing an easy call, a stock market dip, a bad weather forecast, etc. – I’d call out, “Who do we blame for this?”
And my adorable little offspring would sing out lustily, “The Democrats!”
I don’t care who you are: that’s just good parenting.
But grown-up leftists do that same thing, and not as a hilarious parenting trick. They’re serious. If you doubt me, the next time a couple of lefties are walking by, call out, “Oh crap! What do we blame for this?”
And they’ll stop and ask if it involves the weather or not. If you say it does, they’ll say, “Climate change!” If you say it doesn’t, they’ll say, “White supremacy!”
Unfortunately for the left, their demand for white supremacists far outstrips the actual supply. Of course white supremacists do exist. But just like asexual, Marxist, Biden-admiring furries, they are a repugnant affront to the senses, and there are very, VERY few of them.
You may remember Charlottesville, where to hear the MSM tell it, hordes of white supremacists came from the far corners of the globe to engage in a veritable gotterdammerung of racist violence.
Translation: after a 6-month propaganda blitz by the most prominent supremacists calling on all racists to come to their gathering, only a few hundred trolls and homunculi (out of a nation of 330 million people) showed up. They marched around with torches and chanted slogans as ignorant as those of antifa and BLM, and one idiot hit and killed a woman with his car.
And yet our execrable MSM still evokes the horrors of Charlottesville (or January 6th, for that matter) in the same trembling tones once reserved for a dirigible explosion.
In this context, the left loves nothing more than when a handful of morons creep out of their mommies’ basements in their home-made uniforms and hand-drawn swastikas and puts on a pathetic demonstration. (Because a guy who ran a socialist workers’ party in Germany was a typical right-winger. Got it?)
So when around 35 such losers marched in Altamonte Springs, FL last Saturday, the MSM was all over it. A few local Dems laughably claimed the cosplay Nazis (aka the German national socialist workers’ party) represented the ominous and growing rightwing threat to Florida posed by… members of a socialist workers’ party.
But Rolling Stone – which believe it or not, used to be a magazine that covered popular music, before it became a left-wing rag dedicated to shaving IQ points off of its dwindling number of readers – out-smeared the local Dems.
The Stoners wrote a hit piece and pimped out a quick tweet claiming, “’We’re all DeSantis supporters!’ one marcher shouted.”
But they were stupid enough to link to the video of the marcher saying those words. And unfortunately for them, the video clearly showed that the words were a sarcastic response to a question trying to link them to DeSantis.
Another subtle clue: moments later the same marcher yelled, “F*** Ron DeSantis!” while others cheered. They later called DeSantis “a joke.”
In fact, one of the supposed leaders of the dopes – at least he was willing to show his face, and he gave his name as Christopher Pohlhaus – blew up the Dems’ narrative. (Spoiler alert: Rolling Stone didn’t report this part.) Pohlhaus ranted about “capitalism” and “billionaires” (is he a Bernie bro?), in addition to attacking Jews. (Ok, maybe not.) (Then again, considering Bernie’s trendy secular-left anti-Israel position, maybe so.)
When asked about the presidential race and whether he would vote in 2024 – you know the young lefty with the microphone was holding his breath, praying to hear DeSantis’ name – Pohlhaus said, “My vote is useless. I think Biden is better than Trump, because he sends rockets to Ukraine.”
Cue the sad trombone, and turn off the microphone and the camera crew’s lights.
Speaking of evil race hoaxes, I have a story from America’s politically dysfunctional top hat.
You may remember that several years ago, Canada was full of lurid stories that the Catholic Church had carried out “tens of thousands” of murders and burials of indigenous children at residential schools during the 19th and early 20th centuries.
For the Christophobic and whitey-hating left, this story was too good to check. Every lefty pol from Justin “blackface” Trudeau on down started fanning the flames of racial and religious hatred, as is their wont. When a few people used ground-penetrating radar to locate “anomalies” which they said were mass graves, the government started calling for millions in reparations.
They also began a campaign of harassment of Christians and other non-sufferers of CRIS (cranial-rectal inversion syndrome), in some instances hounding them out of their jobs. (You may remember a similar recent phenomenon in this country, when those with the temerity to suggest that a new virus might not kill 98% of the human population, and that maybe lockdowns, masks and vaccines didn’t work, were also shouted down and driven from polite society.)
Worse, many people naïve enough to trust the Canadian MSM were inspired to show off their virtue by vandalizing and/or burning between 60 – 85 Canadian churches.
Fast forward to today, and many recent excavations have been undertaken at the suspected “mass burial” sites. And apparently “anomalies” is Latin for “something other than dead indigenous kids.” Because searchers have found not tens of thousands of corpses, or even thousands of corpses or dozens of corpses.
The number of bodies found to date? Zero.
Does that mean that no indigenous people were killed in Canada in the last century and a half? No.
Some certainly were killed, possibly by evil white folks, but also possibly by other indigenous tribes, such as the one led by Lizzie Warren’s great-great-grandsquaw “Howling Wench,” who reportedly had a temper as prominent as her cheekbones. (#wemustneverstopmocking her).
C’mon Canadians. We used to make fun of you for being blandly nice, but lately you’ve turned into a bunch of totalitarian jerks, and we already have enough of those, north of Richmond.
Finally, I’ve got to discuss the most horrific week endured by a leftist bonehead this year. And that’s counting Biden’s debacle in Hawaii!
Philip Bump is a political hack who writes analysis for the Washington Post. If you’ve never heard of him, you’re lucky, because he’s the kind of guy who puts the “anal” in “political analyst.” And yesterday he stepped on another rhetorical rake.
When foundations created in the names of 13 former presidents released a generic letter saying, “We reaffirm our commitment to the principles of democracy undergirding this great nation,” Bump put out a tweet claiming, “Fourteen presidents indirectly called out Trump’s threat to democracy today. Thirteen former presidents signed a letter. The current one released an ad.”
Bump was immediately mercilessly mocked, since there are only 6 presidents alive today – and that’s if you count Biden as “alive.” If you go back 13 presidents, you get to Eisenhower. And he’s no more capable of signing a letter – or putting out an ad – than Biden is.
But that wasn’t even close to the most mock-worthy mistake that Bump made this week. Because he went on a podcast with a comedian named Noam Dworman who had asked for someone to defend Biden on the issue of corruption.
Over the course of an hour – after first flattering Bump about how his name had come up as one of the smartest guys writing on that kind of political issue – Dworman dismantled one Bump claim after another. But still, Bump kept grinding on. (HA!)
After Bump had repeated the risible talking point that while Hunter might be bent, there is NO evidence that Joey Gaffes did anything corrupt, Dworman went for the jugular with the simplest, most common sense question: “What do you take from Hunter’s text message to his adult daughter, ‘I have to give 50% of my income to pop?”
You have to watch and listen to what follows to really appreciate Bump’s self-immolation. He talks faster and faster, and his voice takes on a whiny tone suggestive of what would happen if Joy Behar and Beta O’Rourke had a baby. (Sorry for that mental image.)
But here’s a partial transcript:
Bump: “I have NO idea what that means. I don’t. I have no idea what that means.” [Sidebar: None of the words in Hunter’s quote are longer than two syllables, and the meaning of his statement is obvious to even the dullest of dullards, such as AOC or Que Mala.]
Dworman: But what could it mean?
Bump: I have no idea. I don’t know.
By the end, as Dworman presses the most obvious question, Bump says that he feels like Dworman is trying to get him to leave. Finally Dworman has had enough, saying, “Is this the way the WaPo handles people who disagree with them?”
And Bump starts to melt into the floor like the wicked Hillary of the West, saying, “Yeah, when I agree to be on for 45 minutes and then I get on for an hour and 15…”
Dworman shakes his head in disgust and says, “Go, go.”
And the poor schmuck pulls off his headset in relief. And Bump goes into the night. (HA!)
You really need to watch that video to get the full, cringy schadenfreude of it all.
You know it’s bad when even Jeffrey Toobin was like, “Dude, that is one humiliating piece of video!”
Biden delenda est!
“Dr.” Jill Biden/Philip “speed” Bump, 2024!
Martin Simpson 