Update: I’ve posted a second monthly video (which you can find at “Videos” on my site, Martinsimpsonwriting.com), this one about my thoughts on the Canadian school that removed all books written before 2008 from their library. (Spoiler alert: I’m agin’ it!) Let me know what you think.
October always puts me in a good mood, but this month should be especially good.
My daughter is coming in from Denver for a visit this week, and it will be great to see her. (She’s a social butterfly type, with almost too many friends, and even though she’s been in what seems like half a dozen weddings in the last year, she’s going to be in another one this weekend.)
Our Victorian house is also near completion after it partially burned last year, and is officially going to be re-rented this month. I’m going to post some pics of it on my site, for those of you who are interested.
I also hope to travel up north and see some family and some changing leaves this month.
In the meantime, I’m trying to cut down on the negativity in my life, which means that I’m getting more selective about what media I’m consuming.
So if you tell me that Trump has denigrated pro-lifers and thinks fetal-heartbeat bans are terrible, I won’t know what you’re talking about. And if you try to engage me in conversation about how GOP senators and congressmen are fighting about continuing resolutions or mutinies within the party, I will just give you a blank stare.
And if you ask me anything about the Chicago Bears’ or Florida Gators’ football seasons, I will put my fingers in my ears and sing Tom Petty’s “Listen to Her Heart” at the top of my lungs (“You think you’re gonna take her away, with your money and your cocaine!”) until you go away.
On the other hand, the stupidity and misfortune of leftists is that which gives me joy. (If any of you got that obscure and tenuous reference to Robert DeNiro as Al Capone in the baseball bat scene in the Untouchables, you are officially all right in my book.) So let’s take a quick whip-round of the latest in leftist ignominy from the past week.
First up, it looks like slimy Dem Senator Bob Menendez (D-whatta you lookin’ at?) is as corrupt as EWFE (Everyone With Functioning Eyes) always knew he was. But when he was finally charged with a Hunter-esque boatload of felonies this week, all of the national Dems were shocked – Shocked, I tells ya! – to learn that the guy with ten large in every pocket of every monogrammed smoking jacket in his closet was a crook.
How were they to know that a guy who drives a Mercedes given to him by a bunch of guys who look like they came from a casting call from The Sopranos and a documentary about the Egyptian Muslim Brotherhood, and who paid for his wife’s designer clothes with gold bars might not be tickety-boo, ethics-wise?
Now all the shady Dems are pressuring Bent Bob to resign, so that they won’t have to worry about him potentially losing a Dem senate seat next year.
But I stand with you, Bob Menendez! You are the archetypal representative of the Democrat party, and the perfect embodiment of Bidenomics. You’re better than those shameless hacks who are trying to shame you into stepping down, so keep fighting the good fight!
Speaking of corrupt leftists who are about to get what’s coming to them, you should all know the name Scott Ziegler, but because of the malicious and biased hacks in our MSM, few people do.
Ziegler was the Loudon County Public Schools Superintendent, and he was a key figure in educrat bullying of parents and covering up the high-profile trans-rapes that helped Glenn Youngkin win the VA governor’s race. In January Ziegler is going to be tried for falsely denying in a school board meeting that there had been any sexual assaults in school bathrooms.
But last week he was convicted on several charges that stemmed from a different crime, this one his retaliatory firing of teacher Erin Brooks, a special ed teacher of the year who testified to a grand jury about “an unrelated mishandling of sexual assault by school administrators.”
You can find the details at the Daily Wire, but I’ll just mention a few that jumped out at me. Ziegler accused Brooks of giving private (but true) information to a conservative activist (which it turns out she didn’t do), and of giving private information to a grand jury. But since she’d been subpoenaed to testify to the grand jury, it was obviously illegal for Ziegler to fire her for truthfully doing so.
Brooks had reported a mentally-disabled student who was routinely grabbing Brooks’ and her female TA’s genitals during class. The administrators’ response – and I couldn’t make this up if I wanted to – was “to give [the women] a piece of cardboard called ‘no-no hands’” that they were to hold in front of their groins.
I know what you’re thinking: problem solved!
But not so fast, because the educrat brain trust also offered a Plan B, in the form of dog groomer aprons to wear to – again, not making this up! – “slow down penetration.”
One other weird detail: the story said that Ziegler didn’t testify at his trial (Duh!), but did note that in court he wore earrings and nail polish. (Which might possibly provide a tiny clue as to why he was so enthusiastic about allowing sexually confused males into female bathrooms where they could rape grade schoolers.)
Tragically, Ziegler is only facing up to 12 months in jail and a $2500 fine for his cartoonishly villainous actions. (Meanwhile, Midwestern grandparents with no criminal records who were invited by police to walk through the Capitol building for 10 minutes on January 6th are doing years of hard time.)
If I know our justice system, Ziegler won’t do much prison time, but I sure hope that he does at least some. And I hope that when he goes in, he’s wearing earrings and lipstick. And I will happily start a Gofundme to buy him a dog groomer apron.
Hell, I’ll even throw in a cardboard “no-no hands” to help him out.
Finally, last Thursday night as I was writing a column with a joke about Dianne Feinstein making Joe Biden look energetic and almost lifelike in comparison, she had actually just died. So, too soon, I guess. But also, that joke holds up.
Anyway, it fell to Ken-Doll Newsom to appoint her temporary replacement, and he had quite a field of crapulent leftist candidates from which to choose. Katie Porter is thoroughly unlikeable and creepy, but so is congenital liar Adam Schiff (D-bag), and aging racial arsonist Barbara Lee. Newsom had already promised to choose a woman of color if the seat came open.
(Don’t get excited Liz Warren, because “translucent” isn’t technically a color, and you’re already a terrible senator.) (#wemustneverstopmockingher).
And by the way, don’t you love it when leftist pols are transparent with their affirmative action identity-hire intentions? Stating that that’s what they’re doing necessarily means that they aren’t searching for the best possible candidate.
Take a hypothetical example: DeSantis is our next president (I can still dream for a little while longer!) and a SCOTUS seat comes open. He announces that he hasn’t looked at any candidates yet, but he’s going to fill it with a middle-aged straight white male Appalachian-American hilarious genius with excellent taste in literature and music, a smoke-show wife, two top-shelf daughters, a Wonder Dog, and sexual charisma that just won’t quit.
Obviously the entire country would have to hold its breath and pray that Martin Simpson knows something about constitutional law. And that’s no way to choose someone.
But when Ken Doll is doing the choosing, he compounds the problem because his political preferences are wrong-headed in the extreme. By saying that his choice is going to be a black woman he follows in the stumbling footsteps of the late Joe Biden when he said he would consider only black female candidates for SCOTUS. (Hence we get two of the most historically banal and poorly-thought-out opinions in just the first year of Ketanji Brown-Jackson’s time on the high court.)
But Newsom outdid himself with his choice of Laphonza Butler. Because despite her goofy name – she’s the opposite of the Fonz, who as everybody knows, was very cool – she has the kind of nightmarish resume that suggests she may have been built in a lab dedicated to producing the perfect far-left candidate.
Like the Wuhan Virology Lab, only far more destructive.
Butler checks the required identity boxes; not only is she black and female, she’s also a lesbian! So if a crucial bill involving BLM and women’s softball coaches hits the Senate floor, she’ll be the go-to subject matter expert. (And no, I haven’t forgotten about Karine Jean-Pierre. She’s also a horribly incompetent identity-hire three-fer, but she’s not in the Senate.)
Butler also used to be a union leader in the SEIU, but when that proved to not be soul-sucking enough, she moved on to become the leader of Emily’s List, an extreme pro-abortion fund-raising collective. But even with those terrible jobs, she was a bit of a “Laphonza of all Trades,” because she still found time to be – and I am not making this up – “a Democratic strategist and adviser to Kamala Harris’ 2020 presidential campaign.”
Ah yes, the sterling campaign that ended up in Que Mala not even making it to the California primary, having spectacularly crashed and burned early on, leaving nothing but a charred political bomb-crater filled with broken Venn diagrams, smoking yellow school buses and a slurry of word salad that had to be disposed of by workers in Hazmat suits.
Great job, you Patrick-Bateman-looking empty haircut of a CA governor!
Biden delenda est!
“Dr.” Jill Biden/ “Bullion Bob” Menendez, 2024!
Martin Simpson 