Our first candidate is far-left PA representative Summer Lee (D-ullard) who for some reason is the ranking member of the House Oversight Subcommittee on Gathering Taxpayer Money Into a Giant Pile and Then Lighting it on Fire.
Sorry, my crack research team tells me that she was actually heading up the subcommittee on “health.” (I’m going to guess from what happened that it wasn’t mental health.)
Anyway, one of the speakers in front of that ridiculous committee was Riley Gaines, the excellent collegiate swimmer who was cheated out of several wins by a narcissistic, hulking dude who calls himself Princess Petunia, or something equally absurd.
So Summer Lee spouted a bunch of nonsense about how being able to dominate women in sports would raise the self-esteem and decrease the stress of males who can’t make it in male sports. Then she called Riley Gaines “transphobic.” When Gaines had the chance to respond, she said that forcing women to get whipped by mentally ill males (my paraphrase) is “misogynist.”
Lee then got mad, and moved to have Gaines’ words taken down, on the grounds that “[Gaines] is engaging in personalities.” (Whatever that means.) After consulting off-mike with several minions, she was visibly angry, but just as visibly defeated, and she finally turned her mike back on and snipped, “I move to withdraw the point of order.”
I’m no lip-reader, but when I put my conical purple wizard hat on and watched again, I think I detected that one of the helpers she consulted said, “Gaines just said something obviously true and you called her a ‘transphobe,’ so you can’t accuse her of ‘engaging in personalities’ when she rightly beeyotch-slapped you back, you ignorant wench.”
That’s entertainment!
Our second candidate is a similarly awful Democrat congresswoman who stepped on a different political rake on Saturday, receiving a similarly hilarious metaphorical rake handle across her big, stupid face. This was Sheila Jackson Lee, who has been plaguing Texas voters during her 30 years (!) in congress, until she decided to run for Houston mayor this year.
No, she didn’t leave congress to do it. I guess she figured that she could be a terrible congresswoman AND a terrible mayoral candidate at the same time. And boy, did she pull that off!
On Saturday she got stomped by bland white-guy Democrat John Whitmire by 30 points! Since Lee is black, you know why she thinks she lost, don’t you?
Bidenomics!
No, sorry about that. I meant…
Racism!
The best part of her loss wasn’t that it was such a blow-out. Or that she was endorsed by Cankles (CAW CAW!) Clinton and Imhotep Pelosi.
The best part was the comedy gold revealed in leaked recordings of her verbally abusing staffers during the campaign.
Among other things, she told one, “I want you to have a [friending] brain! Nobody knows a [GD] thing in my office!” Of another staffer she said, “He only sit up there (sic) like a fat ass, just an idiot, talkin’ bout what the [friend] he doesn’t know… stupid [motherfrienders]… two [GD] big-ass children, [friendin’] idiots, serve no [GD] purpose!”
She seems nice, doesn’t she?
On the other hand, if she’s talking about human beings who willingly went to work to advance the candidacy of Sheila Jackson Lee, then “sitting there like an idiot serving no damn purpose” probably deserves a big ol’ “fact check: true.”
Still, hearing SJL calling somebody ELSE a worthless idiot seems like the pot calling the kettle… um… African-American, I guess?
By the way, after losing her mayor’s race by a mile, she turned around and announced that she’s officially running for re-election to her House seat in November. Because of course she is.
You told her once, Texas voters. Looks like you’re going to have to tell her again.
But move over Summer Lee and Sheila Jackson Lee, because a different Dem politician edged you out for most hilarious self-own of the month! I give you the so-called “Porn-Dem.”
And it’s a sad commentary on the times that when I read “Porn-Dem” in a headline, I guessed a dozen people that it could be referring to. (Hunter Biden? Anthony Weiner? Slick Willie Clinton? Jeffrey Tubin? Jeffrey Epstein? Harvey Weinstein? Etc. and etc.)
But no, this time it’s Susanna Gibson, the brainiac who narrowly lost a Virginia House seat race last month after webcam sex videos that she had distributed to paying customers came to light.
Here are the facts: Gibson live-streamed videos of herself having sex, and received “tips” from anonymous viewers who watched. No one knows who alerted the media to those videos, but my money is on disgruntled leftists, who were offended because the sex was heterosexual, and with her husband. (So gross!)
Now that she lost, she is upset. In an interview with lefty Politico, she complained about “the embarrassment” she felt when the clips were “leaked,” and how devastated she was to find out “that there are sexually explicit videos of [me] online.”
If I can just take a moment to engage my Sam Kinison filter…
“You RECORDED them! OH! OHHH! THEY WEREN’T LEAKED! YOU SET UP A COMPUTER AND A CAMERA, AND TURNED THEM ON, AND THEN YOU BANGED YOUR BETA O’ROURKE-LOOKING HUSBAND WHILE PERVS WATCHED!! OH! OHHH!!!”
The best part is that she’s REALLY mad that the stories about her videos, “implied that I performed sex acts online with my husband for money.”
“YOU DID!! YOU TOOK TIPS!! OHHH!!”
Sorry. Let me just turn that filter off…
She really said that: just because she took money from viewers, that doesn’t mean she did it for money. And she really feels like her “privacy has been violated” – I’m not making that up – and she never imagined that anybody watching her sex videos would record them and spread them around.
Because if there’s one thing that anonymous weirdos watching your sex videos one-handed are known for, it’s their principled, deep and abiding respect for copyright and privacy laws.
Considering the way this woman was able to get caught with her hand in the cookie jar – and that’s not a sexual euphemism, so get your mind out of the gutter – and still act morally outraged and lie about it with a straight face?
She probably has a bright future in politics after all.
Hamas delenda est!
Martin Simpson 