First up today is Schadenfreude Corner:
You might remember the leftist sports site Deadspin because of its senior writer Carron “Karen” Phillips. He’s a lovely little whitey-hater who managed to work race into many of his stories over the years, culminating five months ago when he smeared a 9-year-old Kansas City Chiefs fan as a racist for wearing “black face” at a game.
Of course the kid wasn’t wearing black face; he was wearing the team colors, both red and black. He was also wearing an Indian headdress, which allowed Phillips to go for the vaunted “racial arsonist two-fer,” accusing the kid of “[finding] a way to hate black people and Native Americans at the same time.”
You don’t have to search Phillips’ entire oeuvre to see if he has ever expressed outrage at a certain albino-adjacent Massachusetts Senator who has parlayed the actual use of “red face” into a lucrative academic and then political career. (#wemustneverstopmockingher)
Because of course he hasn’t. Besides, he doesn’t think that kid was “hating” Indians any more than he was “hating” blacks.
The idiotic leftist fixation about Indian sports mascots has always driven me crazy. Everybody knows that you pick sports mascots because of their positive qualities.
That’s why teams with animal mascots pick animals admired for their strength or ferociousness; you’ll see tons of lions, tigers and bears, but no weasels or skunks. Bird mascots include eagles, hawks and ravens, but no pigeons or vultures.
And the same goes for human mascots, obviously. Minnesota didn’t pick the Vikings because they hate big, blond white guys. Towns didn’t pick Oilers, Packers or Steelers because they despise working stiffs. And the “Pittsburgh Pedophiles” didn’t narrowly edge out “steelers” in a naming competition!
So the many Braves, Chiefs and Indians in sports are compliments, not insults. And even though I can see that “Redskins” may have been a little much, I think Washington screwed up by not just re-naming the team the Warriors. They already had an iconic helmet with a big “W” on it, for crying out loud.
Where was I? Oh yeah. Carron/Karen Phillips is a racist jerk, and Deadspin is a woke enough outfit that they hired and supported a jerk like Phillips.
Aaannnndddd… this week Deadspin was sold, and every staff member there was immediately fired.
HA! I can only hope that there is a factory that makes racist dog whistles and is looking to hire a tester, because Carron/Karen would love that job.
Except that he’d get fired within a week, since every single sound he ever hears sounds like racism to him.
So learn to code, Carron!
In the “Stupid Criminals” category, I bring you the tale of New Yorker Sheldon Johnson, a career criminal and drug dealer who was sentenced 25 years ago to 50 years in prison, for what news reports coyly describe as “attempted murder and assorted other offenses.”
Because Johnson committed his crimes in New York, where the Democrats in charge spend most of their crime-fighting energy on trying to send Republican presidential candidates to the electric chair for taking out giant real estate loans and then paying them back with interest, he appealed to Alvin Bragg and Governor Hochul for clemency.
In his letter to Bragg, his first paragraph demonstrated how he has taken full responsibility for his crimes: “I am a product of systemic racism; intergenerational incarceration. A product of trauma, the school-to-prison pipeline and crack-era Reaganomics.”
Got that? His grandpa went to Alcatraz in the 1930s, and then when Johnson was a freshman he took a left out of the cafeteria and instead of heading to Biology he got into the prison pipeline, plus Reagan got elected. So what chance did poor, young Sheldon have?
Naturally, Hochul gave him clemency and let him out last May. He got a job as a counselor for at-risk teens in the Queens public defender’s office, and received fawning attention from the usual leftist suspects, who touted him as a great success story.
Aaannnnndddd… a week ago police responded to a wellness check call at the Bronx apartment of Collin Small. The cops found Johnson in Small’s apartment. They also found Small’s torso and feet in a garbage bin, and his legs, arms and head in the freezer.
They took Small to a hospital, where he’s listed in stable condition.
HA! I kid. He’s dead.
The cops arrested Johnson and started an investigation that found, and I quote, “Smalls and Johnson were in Sing Sing prison at the same time, and it is believed that there was animosity between them.”
Good lord, I hope so! Because if Johnson murdered and dismembered Small and they were besties, I don’t want to know what Johnson would do to someone he felt animosity for!
“Okay, Martin,” you may be saying to yourself, “you’ve established that Johnson is a criminal. But is he a truly stupid criminal, as your entertaining new column feature suggests?”
Oh ye of little faith. I hadn’t gotten to the part about how Johnson got caught yet:
First, Johnson killed Smalls in an apartment building, with a gun. And no, the gun was not equipped with a silencer.
In fact, several neighbors reported hearing two gun shots, followed by a man saying, “Please don’t, I have a family!” followed by several more shots.
The building superintendent then checked security camera footage and saw a man walking in and out of the apartment multiple times, and changing clothes each time. For one trip he wore a plaid golf cap and pushed a plastic, wheeled storage bin.
For the next trip he wore a different jacket and a fisherman’s hat – because nothing is more common than a guy in the Bronx following his golf outing with a fishing trip – and carrying two bags. (News reports don’t specifically describe them as “foot-sized bags,” but I think we know.) (And ditto on the “torso-sized storage bin.”)
On the third trip he wore a puffy coat, sunglasses and a blonde wig. (I hope Bragg has added a second-degree cultural appropriation charge for that wig!)
Yet even though he’s a master of disguise, the superintendent somehow figured out that something was up, and called the cops.
So great job, New York Democrats! If you’d kept Johnson inside, Small would be alive today.
I mean, unless he was foolish enough to take the subway, in which case he probably would have been shoved onto the tracks by a violent psychopath and dismembered anyway.
So just never mind.
Finally, I have two entries for my “Celebrating Excellence” category:
Two weeks ago, a Senate Bill signed by Ron DeSantis last year went into effect at my alma mater, and UF ended all contracts with DEI vendors, closed its DEI department and fired all staffers who were employed in DEI positions.
As a liberal arts professor for 30 years, I cannot tell you how difficult that is to believe. As far as I know, it’s the first time a university DEI department has been shut down anywhere in the country.
I know that many schools will continue to fight this, especially after DeSantis is out of office, and he is certainly hated by many academics all over the state right now. But if you can judge a man’s character by the nature of his enemies, DeSantis has given conservatives one more reason to admire him.
Man, I hope we can have that guy as our president some day!
But we don’t just find excellence in humans like the best governor in the nation. We also find it in our animal friends. And no, I’m not referring to Cassie the Wonder Dog and her much-deserved place in the Canine Hall of Fame.
I’m referring to the site of a Scottish shepherd, “Seanthesheepman,” which I recommend you all check out. Regular readers will remember that one of the highlights of our trip to Scotland last summer was a highlands visit with a shepherd and his amazing border collies. Sean is not the same guy we saw, but his site is great.
It features his great Scottish accent, lovely highlands scenery, and a lot of cool Scottish sheep. But the stars are the collies, and they are gorgeous and brilliant. Some of my favorite videos feature a dog-cam – a camera mounted on the dog’s shoulder to give a dog’s eye view as he trots and sprints around the countryside.
If I ever need a quick pick-me-up, there are several videos that will always do the trick. There’s the edited coverage showing Hillary supporters going from ecstasy to agony on election night in 2016, and videos of great music, and ones showing servicemen and women homecomings, and surprise twin birth announcements.
But there’s nothing quite like watching a dedicated dog sitting stock-still on an ATV seat one second, and then on a signal, leaping off and tearing across a field in a graceful blur. They’re obviously doing what God made them for and men trained them for, and I’m convinced that watching them is good for your spirit and your blood pressure.
Have a great weekend everybody!
Hamas delenda est!
Martin Simpson 
Awesome Martin, just Awesome!😂
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