This first story happens in Indiana, a Midwestern state that is basically the Illinois I grew up in, before the Dems in Chicago and Springfield lost their minds and began committing a decades-long, first-degree wokicide on my much-loved home state.
The scene was a Subway sandwich shop on March 22nd.
The players:
Daniel Saunders, 31, a bully and a crappy human (I’m judging by video of the incident).
Un-named short, Hispanic-looking lady behind the counter.
Gabriel Pitzulo, a twenty-something former wrestler with dreamy blue eyes.
(I’m just sayin’, ladies. CO and I are taken, but if you’re single and looking for a good man, you might want to head to Indy and look up Gabriel P.)
As Gabriel came in to the shop, Saunders was screaming at the little Hispanic lady and throwing stuff at her from over the counter. Then he turned and started to stalk out, with a cocky bounce to his step. Because as everyone knows, the best proof that a guy is a real bad-arse is his ability to menace and intimidate a small Latina.
Gabriel tackled Saunders, spinning his body to slam him onto the floor, and then pinning him and holding him until the cops arrived. Saunders tried to fight back and free himself, but because Gabriel isn’t a diminutive lady and Saunders is a cowardly douche, that mostly meant whining and kicking his little feet.
So if you’re scoring at home, Saunders was 1-0 against a tiny lady, and 0-1 against someone his own size and gender.
Because this happened in Indiana – and not in NYC, CA, Chicago or any other Dem-run big city – Saunders was charged with some pretty nifty crimes, including battery, battery resulting in bodily injury, and a new favorite to me: “disorderly conduct-fighting/tumultuous conduct.”
I for one have not been able to work “tumultuous” into everyday conversations often enough, but from now on I’m going to try.
The best part of this story is to read or listen to Gabriel’s account of the incident, and imagine a couple of leftists hearing it. I picture soy lattes being dropped in horror, and man-buns spontaneously unraveling themselves in outrage.
In fact, allow me to present a dramatization of that scene, using Gabriel’s actual words:
Gabriel: “[When I came in, Saunders was] assaulting [the employee]… and throwing stuff. I believe I saw him spit at her. And how I was raised, man, you don’t do that stuff. It was kind of ‘go time’ from there.”
Man-bun #1: “I know, right? ‘Go time’ meaning ‘time to go to my safe space and call my therapist!’”
Gabriel: “She didn’t seem like she could defend herself.”
Man-bun #2: “What? Is he saying that a woman is different than a man?!”
Man-bun#1: “And how did he even know that she’s a woman? What if she doesn’t identify as a woman?”
Man-bun #2: “Yeah! He could be guilty of mis-gendering they!”
Gabriel: “I did combat sports for a while, so I was completely controlling [him].”
Man-bun #1: “Eek! Toxic masculinity!”
Man-bun #2 (with one hand over his eyes, peeking between his fingers in terror): “Hey, the other guy is a person of color! This is a hate crime!”
Gabriel: “He was trying to bite me, and I didn’t want to punch him or anything. I didn’t want to hurt him too bad.”
Man-bun #1: “’Too bad?!’ Why were you hurting him at all?”
Man-bun #2: “He’s literally trying to keep a black man down! Racist colonizer!”
Gabriel (after being called a hero by the store’s owner): “All glory to God, man. He’s always protected me and put me in situations…that I can handle.”
Man-bun #1 (shocked silence):
Man-bun #2 (wide-eyed horror): “Did he…?”
Man-bun #1 (more shocked silence):
Man-bun #2 (in a high-pitched squeal): “He’s a white Christian nationalist Christo-fascist!”
Man-bun #1 (vomiting on his Birkenstocks): “Blluuuu-ugh!”
And, scene.
From that story – and I must warn you that this transition may give you the bends – I take you to the tale of Jack Petocz, a gay narcissist who grew up in Florida and spent his high school years during Ron DeSantis’ first term as governor, and yet learned nothing from that enlightened time.
Jack was a young activist, starting when – at 15 – he was “irritated by a local school board member who was, in his opinion, ‘recklessly tweeting COVID misinformation.” Because of course he was.
(By the way, I’m betting that the offensive “misinformation” included wacky ideas like COVID starting in a Chicom lab, partially funded by Tony Fauxci, and that wearing masks and getting multiple pokes of a magic elixir would render you both immune and immortal.)
He started organizing protests for every bad cause he could find. He held rallies protesting some schools’ attempts to keep child porn out of school libraries, and organized a state-wide school walk-out to protest RDS’ so-called “Don’t Say Gay” bill (which, ironically, never mentioned the word “gay”).
On the day of that protest, despite having been told by the school principal to not distribute 200 gay pride flags, little Jacky… distributed 200 gay pride flags. And then was suspended from school.
Unexpectedly!
This bit of ass-hattery got him an interview on NBC news, where he said, “Waaahh! Bigotry! Sniffle. Homophobia! My feelings are hurt! How dare you? Waaahh!” (I’m paraphrasing slightly.)
He was also given some sort of virtue-signaling narcissism award from Teen Vogue, and parlayed that into a visit to DC, where he took selfies with Chuck Schumer and Imhotep Pelosi, and also one sandwiched in between Joe Biden and Que Mala Harris.
By the way, if you go to the Breitbart story on this, you’ll see those pictures. And as you look at his self-satisfied smirk – he looks like a less masculine Greta Thunberg – you will be seeing a SFPI (Simpson Face Punchability Index) score of 98. So you’ve been warned.
Fast forward to late March, and Petocz is now a student at Vanderbilt. (Because of course he is.) And he helped lead the pro-Hamas protest that involving a bunch of brats pushing their way into the chancellor’s office and conducting an obnoxious “sit-in.” (Because of course he did.)
If you watched the entire video of that preening cosplay production, you’ve got a stronger gag reflex than I do. But even watching a few minutes of it provided a perfect synopsis of everything that’s wrong with entitled adolescent social justice warriors.
A bunch of liberal white kids whose mommies and daddies are paying almost six figures per year for their “education” barge into a campus building, record themselves reading statements about how they are bravely standing up for the innocent Hamas freedom fighters. They lecture a black security guard about how he doesn’t understand racism and oppression. They demand that Vanderbilt makes them all queens for a day, and that Hamas be given more ammunition and permanent access to all future Israeli music festivals. (I’m paraphrasing slightly.)
They also demand food and water, because they apparently had not considered how peckish you can get when you are saving the entire world through your courageous activism. One female even demanded that one of her fellow protestors be allowed to leave and return after changing a tampon, which could otherwise cause toxic shock syndrome.
I am not making that up. (Full disclosure though: Rumors that the fresh-tampon-deprived fellow protestor was Jack Petocz have not been confirmed.)
Shockingly enough, Vanderbilt authorities actually terminated the protest by arresting 4 students (including Petocz!), and forcibly removing more than 20 others. Two weeks later, Vandy announced the disciplinary consequences: they expelled 3 students (including Petocz!), suspended 1, and put 22 others on probation.
And Jack’s wailing posts about this existential injustice were chef’s-kiss perfect!
“I’m Jack Petocz, a 19 y/o activist that’s been fighting for marginalized people for years. Yesterday, I was expelled from Vanderbilt for peacefully protesting the genocide in Palestine.”
He called himself a “passionate organizer.” He bemoaned Vandy’s horrible oppression of “students rallying together in compassion and love for those outside Vanderbilt’s ivory towers.”
He said, “I came to Vanderbilt with the dream of escaping the rampant bigotry and institutional repression I experienced in the Deep South. That dream has soured.”
What can you say to that?
Other than, “Come down off that cross, Jack, we can use the wood.”
Ugh.
There is only one greater gulf in our culture than the one between alpha-male Gabriel Pitzulo going all tumultuous on Daniel Saunders’ sorry arse and Jack Petocz pouting and whining like Ilhan Omar at a bar-mitzvah.
And that’s the gulf between actual Native Americans and Liz Warren. (Boom! Unexpected #wemustneverstopmockingher reference!)
Hamas delenda est!
Martin Simpson 