Today I’ve got two quick stories for you, both from my hometown. The first offers a case study in how to respond to law-breaking campus protestors, and the second one fits in two of my regular column categories: “Stupid Criminals” stories, and “You Don’t Hate the Media Enough” stories.
One of the many reasons that it’s great to be a Florida Gator is that our governing officials don’t suffer from CCRIS (Congenital Cranial-Rectal Inversion Syndrome), a condition tragically affecting many university administrations across the country.
(For your generous gift of only $10 per month, our team of dedicated, caring surgeons can give Claudine Gay and other Ivy League college administrators the desperately needed operations to remove their heads from their arses, before it’s too late. Won’t you please think of the children? The gullible, low-IQ, Jew-hating children? Our operators are standing by.)
In recent weeks, as many universities spiraled into paroxysms of pro-Hamas idiocy, UF issued clear guidelines delineating free speech on the one hand, and various forms of unacceptable and illegal a-holery on the other.
Among the latter, they identified “protests inside buildings… blocking egress, camping, building structures,” and they warned that student violators would face “a 3-year trespass and suspension,” and that non-compliant employees “will be trespassed and separated from employment.”
When 9 knuckleheads tested those rules a few days ago, they were all quickly arrested. You can see pictures of them online, and they are exactly what you’d expect. The breakdown: 3 males and 6 females; 5 are UF students; 2 have multiple hair colors not found in nature, and all 9 are absolutely un-“friend”-able, if you get my meaning.
All are charged with multiple misdemeanors, and one – Allen Frasheri – got an additional battery-on-an-officer charge for spitting on a cop. (Rumors that he has been tested for rabies so that the officer doesn’t have to go through a preventative series of painful shots have not been confirmed.) And surprise! He was the president of a student chapter of the Young Democratic Socialists of America in 2022.
So I’d advise that officer to take the shots, just to be on the safe side.
My favorite part of the info about the protestors is that the UF students are listed as “expecting to graduate” in 2025 or 2026. But given the three-year suspension mentioned above, I wouldn’t count on that now, kiddos!
After the arrests, UF spokesman Steve Orlando put out a statement that should be carved into a stone tablet and placed in front of the statues of the three UF Heisman trophy winners (Spurrier, Wuerffel and Tebow), so that parents who care about the important things in life can bring their children there, and train them well.
The statement began, “This is not complicated: The University of Florida is not a daycare, and we do not treat protesters like children — they knew the rules, they broke the rules, and they’ll face the consequences.”
Sweetness and light!
Unlike at USC and many other schools, UF’s graduation is going to go on this Saturday, as scheduled. NOT unexpectedly!
My second local story is very different. It involves the death of four black males between the ages of 14 and 16 in a terrible car crash two days ago.
Most media reports had headlines that varied only slightly from this one: “Four Teenage Boys Dead after High-Speed Chase with Florida Highway Patrol, Who Performed Pit Maneuver to Stop Them.”
Most of the stories concentrated on how young the boys were, and the fact that one was a football star at a local high school, before providing a few details. A cop had initially pulled them over, but then they sped away, reaching speeds of over 100 mph, before a trooper intervened. It’s not clear how fast they were going when he pitted them (i.e. bumped the rear of their car to one side, in order to make it spin out). But the car ran into a cement pole, killing everyone inside.
If I were one to trust MSM crime stories, I would have been intrigued. At first I might think that maybe they were speeding because they were late for Bible Study. (I hate it when you get in there late, and you missed the first prayer and the reading of the Gospel text!) But a few paragraphs in, the story mentioned that the SUV they were in had been reported stolen.
So okay, they weren’t making great choices. But still, I’m sure that at the tender age of 16, these were just dumb kids, out for a harmless joyride.
Because who amongst us hasn’t driven a little too fast, and possibly slid our dad’s 1972 Gran Torino (white with a blue stripe, and that super-cool hood scoop on it) into a ditch off of a gravel road about half a mile north of El Paso, Illinois?
I mean, just speaking hypothetically, and not at all from personal experience.
Anyway, I’m sure these high-spirited rascals were just—
What’s that? Two of the four of them were wearing ankle monitors? And at least some of them were wearing ski masks? In Florida, on a 72-degree night, as one does?
Well, maybe they’ve got one of those really strict youth pastors, who makes you wear an ankle monitor if you’ve showed up late to at least two Bible Study sessions in the past. Those guys can get pretty Old Testament with—
What? Three of the four of them had active warrants? C’mon, man!
What do you have to do to have active warrants and an ankle monitor when you’re 14 or 16 years old?! And if someone in law enforcement is actually monitoring the ankle monitors, did they not find it strange that two of their ankle monitors were flying through east Gainesville at 110 miles per hour?
It’s obviously a tragic story, if only because the kids were so young, and may have had the chance to overcome their CCRIS if they’d survived their stupidity for a little longer.
And even though I’ve never had a warrant – active or otherwise – and never needed an ankle monitor, I do know that a 1972 Torino’s speedometer goes up to 120 mph, and what it feels like to bury the needle on a two-lane Illinois country road.
Nothing but the grace of God can explain why most of us males are still here at all.
And I wish those boys would have had fathers who put the fear of God in them before they ever got to the ankle-monitor and fleeing-in-a-stolen-car stage.
Hamas delenda est!
Martin Simpson 