We have gathered here, first, to mark what looks like the death of Biden’s campaign.
Watching the left’s reactions to his debate self-immolation has been as entertaining as you’d expect. Just a few months ago, Joe Scarborough bloviated that, “This version of Biden – intellectually, analytically – is the best Biden ever!” (And “F” you if you don’t agree!)
On Friday morning Scarborough looked like he had just watched the litter of cats that he’d raised and bottle-fed from birth get run over by a giant riding mower in front of his wife and children. All he could do was mutter about how surprised he was by Biden’s performance, and how he needs to go.
Lefty actor Michael Ian Black (Who?) from that one show you never saw, had this great quote: “What sucks is, if you listen to Biden’s WORDS, they’re great. But there’s not enough breath left in him for the words to reach your ears.”
Yeah, that’s the ticket! His words were GREAT! Words like “mumphlpanditurgg,” “shughelfup,” “zzzzz,” and “six handicap!”
Good lord!
The transcript of everything he said at the debate would read like a movie scene we’ve all watched: The fourth male lead – stricken by dengue fever, German shrapnel, or an arrow shot by Liz Warren’s war party (#neverstopmocking) – writhes in a medium close-up and rambles incoherently as a nurse wipes a wet cloth over his brow, until he suddenly stiffens, opens his eyes wide and says, “Pa! Is that you, Pa? I did my best! I did… my… gurgrlelelughhhhhhhh.”
And yes, Joe Biden actually said that last word, at minute 24, shortly after muttering that no soldiers died on his watch.
A few days before the debate, one MSM empty head said, “So Biden can’t walk so well. Neither could FDR.” Which is a good comparison… if you’re a thoroughly corrupt liar. Say what you will about FDR, but at least he could conduct fireside chats until late in his presidency.
The closest Biden could come would be a fireside shat! (Boom! Low-brow poop joke when you least expect it!)
One of the funniest news bites I came across was that Rob “Meathead” Reiner co-hosted a Hollywood “watch party” for the debate. Then, after two days of what the Breitbart story called “conspicuous silence” – HA! – he finally tweeted about the debate, admitting that it had been “a disaster” for Biden.
But he still stuck to his guns – and yes, his guns are less reliable than the one Alec Baldwin used on that movie set, and no, it’s not “too soon” for that joke (Because: Alec Baldwin) – calling Biden “a good, decent man.” Then he said a bunch of stuff about how Trump is orange Hitler and the world is coming to an end and blah blah blah.
I’ll admit that I wasn’t paying attention anymore, because I was savoring the image of Meathead and a bunch of rich Hollywood leftists – and no, they weren’t necessarily ALL addicts, trust-fund kids or pederasts; probably just a majority of them – sitting around a glitzy fundraiser, and slowly deflating as they watched their hero decomposing on stage.
I picture Babs Streisand, DeNiro and Meathead, with party hats on their heads and noisemakers in their mouths, all hyped up for the big event. And then Brandon staggers out and mumbles his way through his first several servings of word salad. Cut back to the celebs, their jaws dropping in horror, and their noisemakers falling onto their laps.
The schadenfreude cherry on top of that exploding poison sundae is that the “party” was supposed to be a Biden fundraiser! Rumors that after “Dr.” Jill helped Joe painfully down the longest three stairs you’ve ever seen in your life at the end of the debacle, the Hollywood elite raised 4 dollars and an expired Blockbuster rental coupon, have not been confirmed.
The general tone of the MSM aftermath was half Monty Python (“This president is no more. He’s ceased to be. He’s gone on to meet his Maker. THIS… is a late president!”) and half Shakespeare (We come not to praise Joe Biden, but to bury him.) And wholly delicious.
By the way, I just re-watched that classic Python dead parrot sketch, and saw a detail that I’d forgotten, and which ties it in perfectly with the Biden debacle. As the scene opens, John Cleese (carrying the dead parrot in a cage) calls the clearly male store clerk “Miss.”
When the guy says, “What do you mean, Miss?” Cleese looks at him in momentary confusion, and then says, “Oh I’m sorry, I have a cold.”
And just like that, a benevolent God has given me another moment of bliss. Because I must have seen that clip a hundred times, but the experience of watching it today included two more tie-ins to our present, bizarre moment: gender confusion, and somebody making a blatant mistake and blaming it on a cold!
If only Joey Gaffes had thought of that.
Oh wait…
At some level, I do feel bad for Biden’s self-humiliation. On the other hand, think how bad it would be for him if he had lived to see it!
But for the corrupt national Dems and the MSM stooges who have been foisting Biden on us like a bunch of mad-scientist taxidermists for four years, I have no pity. You built this Frankenstein’s monster, you shot him full of amphetamines and kept re-starting his heart with the crash pads, and now you own him.
However, I think we all need to do our part to try to keep Joe in the race. In fact, I’m urging all of you to stop avoiding pollsters like the plague. (The natural reaction of all conservatives, and of most smart people generally.) If anyone calls you or emails with a request to give political feedback, take the opportunity.
Tell them that you love what Biden’s doing, and you’re offended by those who would suggest that our great Democrat standard bearer should step down. You’re behind him 100%, and he needs to keep fighting until he wins in November!
Then hang up quickly, before you either burst out laughing, or begin audibly retching.
My second requiem is for Biden’s Gaza Pier. As I wrote last month, the pier was built – for only a third of a billion dollars! – to get desperately needed food into Hamas-istan. It was open for about a week before moderate seas damaged it. It was towed to Israel, fixed, then deployed again.
Annnnddddd… some breezy conditions and a bad weather forecast forced its removal. When it was finally deployed again, another bad weather forecast meant that more American resources were spent on dismantling it. Again!
News reports now suggest that it will likely not be put back in place. Because it proved to be a stupid, stupid, stupid idea. (I’m reading between the lines on that last part.)
On the bright side, during the few days when it was in place, it did allow delivery of a few tons of food…which was immediately stolen by Hamas, then sold to desperate Gazans to raise money for more Jew-killing stuff.
To recap: Biden spent almost $300 million – money which could have purchased huge packs of desperately needed flamethrowing robot dogs to release on the Democrat convention in Chicago! – on a boondoggle that lasted six weeks, and provided zero supplies to the alleged civilians it was intended to serve.
So let’s lower the Stars and Stripes to half staff for the passing of yet another brilliant Democrat foreign policy boondoggle. Pointless pier, we hardly knew ye!
Finally, I’d be remiss if I didn’t also mark the political passing of Jamaal Bowman, who got gloriously hammered in a Dem primary in the Bronx just last week. You may remember Bowman as the token male member of the Squad, or as the rabid Jew-hater who denied the gang rapes that Hamas thugs recorded themselves committing, or as the moron who thinks you pull a fire alarm to open a door.
But he’s so much more than that! In fact, if he’s not everything that’s wrong with the Democrat party, he’s emblematic of most of it: fraudulent credentials, racial arsonist, unimpressive and unserious and dishonest right down to the bone.
He holds an Ed Doctorate – the same degree that notorious elder-abuser “Dr.” Jill Biden has. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather share a degree with Dr. Kevorkian or Dr. Mengele than with those two. (Okay, that was a bit much. I retract the analogy. But just barely.)
He put his degree (in his case, his “duh-gree”) to work by founding the Cornerstone Academy for Social Action, where he curated a “Wall of Honor” that featured black people he thought students should look up to. People like Clarence Thomas, Thomas Sowell, Glenn Loury and Tim Scott.
HA! I kid! Bowman’s ideas of praiseworthy black people included loony anti-Semite congresswoman Cynthia McKinney (so dumb she lost her seat to Hank “Guam is capsizing!” Johnson), and the husband-and-wife team of radical murderers Mutulu and Assata Shakur (parents of Tupac, who died young of terrible parenting).
Bowman was also a leading advocate against standardized testing. When I looked into the quality of Bowman’s Cornerstone Academy, I found out that it was a mess.
UNEXPECTEDLY!
Out of all New York schools – which are totally controlled by Dems, and thus pretty lousy – Bowman’s school ranked in the bottom 13%. His students would likely be pretty dissatisfied with that. Except that only 24% of them scored as minimally proficient in math, so they have no idea what that means.
So it’s great to watch Bowman go. But it was even better to watch the way he went out, with a hilariously cringy (and futile) get-out-the-vote rally featuring AOC, who bounced on stage to a vulgar Cardi B song, waving her fists and hollering like a hype man at a rap concert.
Okay, I couldn’t decipher the lyrics of the Cardi B song – I’m not her target demographic, being an old Caucasian guy with great musical taste – but since all of her songs are vulgar, I’m sure this one was too.
Unfortunately for AOC, she chose to speak rather than twerk the whole time. Because her juicy booty (her words, not mine) is her strong suit (yes, I’m too classy to say “her best asset”), and speaking logically is decidedly NOT, she missed that opportunity.
Then Bowman took the stage, and tried to out-stupid AOC, which is no mean feat. But he might have succeeded, dancing around and screaming out some “F” bombs. At one point he picked up a stool and shook it over his head for some reason, swearing and ranting like a black “Nature Boy” Ric Flair, only with less dignity. (You’re welcome for the timely pro wrestling reference from 30 years ago.)
Then “professional useless person” Bernie Sanders (hat tip to Ben Shapiro) wandered up and did his commie schtick.
It was telling that their big rally – with three “top draws” among the Democratic left (talk about damning with faint praise!) – in their deep-blue Bronx home, drew a pathetically small crowd. The MSM feeds were cropped just to show the first few rows of people in front of the stage… because a wider angle would have shown a lot of empty grass.
When AOC first jumped on stage, she did the ol’ “cup your hand behind your ear” routine to get the crowd to roar, saying, “I can’t hear you!” To which someone nearby could have said conversationally (because there was no reason to shout), “That’s because there are very few of us here.”
The optics raised painful comparisons to Trump’s giant rally in the Bronx just a few weeks back. Yes, that ultimately doesn’t mean much in the Bronx, which hasn’t voted Red since Imhotep Pelosi was a young girl in the Valley of the Kings.
Except that Trump shouldn’t be able to draw thousands of excited people in the Bronx, and AOC should be able to bring out at least a thousand, just from those who want to hear her brand of socialist crazy and get a glimpse of her juicy booty in person. (Do I have to keep saying it? “Her words, not mine.”)
To those who say it doesn’t matter that one Dem instead of another gets that seat, I offer a version of WF Buckley’s dictum: if there can only be a Dem representing a deep blue district, it should be the least insane Dem available.
Or as the Babylon Bee said, in the Bronx, “Hamas lost a House seat to the Dems.”
Hamas delenda est!
Martin Simpson 