After my Wednesday column on good news stories, I’m afraid that today’s theme has to be “things that are wrong with the world.”
First up, the Olympics.
The kind of international athletic competition that goes on in the Olympics is a fine idea, as are competitive sports in general. And the Olympics have given us Hitler being humiliated when Jesse Owens won in 1936, and the US hockey team whipping the Soviets in the Miracle on Ice in 1980. And don’t forget the anti-Semitic Muslim jerk who beat an Israeli in judo last weekend, then refused to shake hands and gave him the “finger of Tawheed,” only to get his arm dislocated in a humiliating loss to his next opponent.
I look forward to that bigot watching the next Olympics on tv, as he sells hummus in an Allahu Snackbar food cart in Tajikistan.
But these Olympics continue to disappoint. Everybody knows by now about the drag queens and their mocking of DaVinci’s portrayal of the Last Supper. Leave it to a bunch of far-left Christophobes who think of themselves as avant-garde heroes to come up with something as tired and dumb as this lame attempt at blasphemy.
These people are the reason why the French came up with the word “douche.”
We also know about the foolishness of trying to have swimming events in the Seine river, which is turns out is as clean as a rapper’s lyrics, and as toxic as a racist Joy Reid monologue.
But the nadir of this Olympics so far is the authorities allowing a male to box against women. Though there’s apparently some controversy over whether Algerian boxer Imane Khelif is really a man, he “failed a gender test” and was banned from an international boxing tournament in 2023, and reportedly has a Y chromosome.
So as Austin Powers might put it, “He’s a MAN, baby!”
He pummeled his actual female opponent, breaking her nose and forcing her to give up her Olympic dream by quitting after 46 seconds, before she suffered any life-altering injuries.
Unexpectedly!
If there are any women on the committee who decided to let males box against females, they should be forced to fist fight a random male their size. And then pay for their own nose jobs. And any men on the committee should be forced to fist fight a random male about three weight classes bigger than them. After which Khelif should be forced to fight in the same weight class against a male Olympian.
Then he can share an ambulance with the one-armed Jew-hating judo star from Tajikistan.
Next up, this week’s much-deserved killing of Hamas bigshot Ismail Haniyeh was great news, and the method the Israelis used to pull it off is even better: they planted some kind of explosive in the apartment where he was staying several months ago, and then detonated it remotely. Which sounds like the work of one bad-ass Hebrew secret agent. (“The name is Bond. Schlomo Bond.”)
I love the idea that every terrorist in Tehran, Beirut and Gaza is now completely paranoid, slowly and tentatively opening every drawer, sitting down on every couch, and lifting every toilet lid, with a wincing expression and a racing heartbeat, wondering if the Mossad has left a surprise for them in whatever “safe” house they’re in.
But from the “We Don’t Hate the Media Enough” file comes more evidence of why we can’t have nice things. Because an authentic CNN report, which I swear I am not making up, by real-life CNN reporter Nic (“rhymes with…”) Robertson actually said that the killing of Ismail “means that his moderate voice is off the table.”
Moderate voice!
He was one of the leaders of terrorist Hamas. There is video showing him celebrating the news of the October 7th massacres of Jewish civilians, and he was such a psychopath that in video of the moment when he was told that his three sons and four grandkids were killed in an airstrike, he responded with complete indifference.
THAT guy is a “moderate,” CNN?
Well, at least CNN got one thing right. That moderate is off the table.
But on the walls, and the ceiling, and on the floor, and smeared down the hallway…
However, the one event this week that most clearly demonstrated everything that is wrong in the world was Que Mala’s disgusting “rally” in Atlanta.
Of course the political speech she gave was 99% dishonest – the 1% true part was when she said she wants abortion right up until the 23rd trimester, when the “threat to women’s health care” gets on the bus for the first day of kindergarten.
But that wasn’t the worst part. Which is saying something.
As many observers noticed, Kamala went full Cankles McPantsuit on Atlantans, falling into a Southern accent so over-the-top fake that it would make Foghorn Leghorn blush. (“Hello Atlanta! Ah say, ah say, hello out dere! Greetin’s and salutations, boy!”)
And the Hillary comparisons fell upon the crowd like gentle, acid rain.
But that wasn’t the worst part either. Which is REALLY saying something.
Because her “warm up the crowd” opening act was “Megan thee Stallion.” (Rumors that she got her rap name from the fact that her hindquarters look like something that should be carrying a fully-armored medieval knight into combat are unconfirmed. But the smart money does NOT say “naaaaay.”)
She performed a “song” called “Ode to Joy,” accompanied by some background twerkers. The lyrics were oddly truncated, with her chanting a line, then staying silent for a few seconds, before chanting out the next line.
Oh wait. When I researched the song, I found that it wasn’t actually titled “Ode to Joy.” It’s called “Body,” and it may have been chosen because that is one of the few titles of her “songs” that can be printed without many asterisks. (Sample lyrics: “Body ody ody ody ody ody ody ody ody ody ody ody ody ody ody.” Then repeat. Then “mwah!” And that was the best part!)
Because I constantly sacrifice for CO nation, I looked up the video for that “song” and watched it. And I can’t stress this enough: don’t do that yourself! I took one for the team by doing so, and I swear that I am now a slightly less hilarious genius than beforehand, because that thing is an IQ-point-shaving-off train wreck.
Fun fact I learned, though: You may have thought that nobody can use the “n” word in public anymore without receiving harsh condemnation, but you don’t know how wrong you are. Because if the person machine-gunning through a filthy, racist screed is a dysfunctional personality who can set it to a thundering bass line, it is a ticket to becoming a multi-millionaire, feted by the low-IQ left who pretend to dislike racism.
But I did confirm what I expected: all of the silent spots in her “performance” were deletions of lyrics too filthy for a public event of any type, let alone a political rally for a major party candidate who wants to lead our m****r ****ing nation, y’all!
Ugh! You see what I’ve done? I think I might have sustained some serious frontal-lobe damage, just from watching that video. Pardon me as I stop writing this column to spend four straight hours listening to Mozart, Bach and Johnny Cash, in a desperate attempt to re-establish some neural connections before the impact becomes irreversible.
Okay, I’m back. I’m still a little woozy, as if I ain’t seen the sunshine since I don’t know when. But I feel a little better. Except that I can’t unsee that horrific Kamala Harris speech. And that’s what tortures me.
Seriously though. There is something badly wrong with a quasi-black female candidate who would willingly appear after a “performance” by someone presenting such a vulgar, sexualized and racially offensive depiction of black women. If the KKK (an organization born and run by Democrats who were angry that we’d whipped them and freed their slaves) tried to come up with a super-demeaning depiction of black people, they couldn’t do a better job of it than Megan Thee Stallion just did.
And it makes staying optimistic tougher when I think that young black people who could be reading Thomas Sowell, watching Denzel Washington, and looking up to Ayaan Hirsi Ali or Clarence Thomas are instead spending their money and time on a debased vulgarian whose primary appeal is having a derriere as large as the great outdoors. Yikes.
Okay. I can’t send you off into the weekend with that grim image. So here’s a last little feel-good story about a purported Al Jazeera “Palestinian” “journalist who did an amazing Ismail Haniyeh impression on Wednesday. That is to say he got hit by an IDF airstrike, and thus joined all of the other “moderate voices” who are now “off the table.”
CAIR and other terror-supporting organizations immediately began caterwauling about how the evil Jews are killing innocent journalists! What could ever justify this kind of barbarity?!
Then… “three hours lay-tair” …evidence comes out that, just like many “journalists” before him, this guy was a long-time Hamas propagandist and terror participant. He reportedly participated in the October 7th attacks, and continually produced “journalism” comparing Israel to a disease. On 10/7 he was so excited that he posted “our children will play with their heads.”
What a sweetheart.
My favorite part of this story – other than him being “off the table” – is his name.
I don’t know his pronouns, but I know that his verbs are now “was” and “were,” and that his first name was “Ismail.” And it was a tough week for Jew-haters named “Ismail” over there.
His last name – you can’t make this up – was “al-Ghoul.”
Perfect!
Have a good weekend everybody, and remember…
Hamas delenda est!
Martin Simpson 
Perfect, Mr. Simpson. Thanks for starting my week off with a few chuckles.
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