What a day, CO nation! Trump won the electoral college, and he won the popular vote. He even won white suburban women. And more blacks and Hispanics than any other GOP candidate in history!
We’ve got the Senate, and most hopefully the House too, if only by a bit. It’s going to be a great Thanksgiving, and a happy Christmas. Our long national nightmare is just about over!
I slept about 3 hours last night, and I’m still feeling a little bit hungover, but not in a bad way. I’d say the issue is about 10% bourbon, 50% relief, and 40% schadenfreude. And now that I’m retired and don’t have to go into work, I’m going to try to keep nursing all three of those into and through this coming weekend, at least!
Here’s my soundtrack for the last 16 hours: “Here Comes the Sun” (because you have to have some Beatles) Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah (from when Disney was Disney), “I Should Have Known It” (Because: Tom Petty. Also, that guitar lick, the bald brother on drums, and the message to the Dems: “It’s over now you see? It’s the last time you’re gonna hurt me!”).
And Ray Charles and the Voices of Jubilation Singers doing “Oh Happy Day.” Because: Ray Charles in a leisure suit/tux, a Yamaha keyboard, and a crowd of dashikis backing him up. As a Christian, the lines, “Oh happy day, oh happy day, when Jesus washed my sins away,” are always going to resonate with me.
Also, is it a coincidence that “when Jesus washed the Dems away” also fits the rhyme scheme there?
It is not.
At the beginning of the night, I was so nervous that I took Cassie the Wonder Dog for her evening walk earlier than usual. Then, when some of the early returns were not looking so great, I took another long walk.
Then I walked the floors a lot while I was on the phone and/or texting with a cousin, an old buddy from grad school, and even the great and powerful CO himself. (My favorite line of his was when he described the atmosphere on MSNBC as “Shakespearean despondency filtered through a membrane of bitterness!”)
So I managed to get my 6000 daily steps in. And then 14,000 more!
And sometime around 11 o’clock, when it was clear that things were going our way, I began to relax, and started with the celebratory bourbon. Around 2:00 a.m., after Pennsylvania was called and Trump had won, I took another long walk, during which I prayed and whistled and smelled some very nice, late-flowering night-blooming jasmine in the neighborhood.
I walked past some of the Harris/Walz and “We love abortion!” yard signs in the surrounding blocks. I stopped next to them, in case Cassie needed to relieve herself. But because she’s too classy for that – and also a female – she declined to raise a leg on them.
I considered doing that myself, but because I am too classy for that – and also because I’d gone before I left the house – I refrained.
And now I’ve spent the whole day flipping back and forth between news channels and making the rounds of my favorite websites, soaking in the good news, and savoring the defeat of those bad actors who sorely needed defeating.
There’s so much news out there that we’ll all be digesting it in the coming days, so I thought I’d just do a little freestyle rambling about what has caught my attention so far…
I love that the Obamas have been smacked down and thwarted! Some black commentators on the lefty channels criticized Barack for scolding black males for not coming out for the Empty Pantsuit. His creepy invocation of the “fine people on both sides” lie on the eve of the election richly merited the comeuppance he got. And Michelle’s angry closing speech repulsed everyone who wasn’t already in her camp.
But Barack’s a dishonest racial arsonist, and liars gonna lie. And the Scowling Wookie’s gonna scowl! And it availed them nothing! HA!
Even though the popular vote is electorally irrelevant, I’m really glad that Trump won it. The Dems made a big deal in 2016 about the “unfairness” of him winning the election despite Hillary getting more votes than him. And for low-info voters who don’t understand the electoral college, I can understand their frustration.
But with Trump winning the popular vote, they can’t lie about how they “really won,” or his victory wasn’t legitimate. (Even though many of them still will.)
Their white-hot hatred of Trump makes their defeat even sweeter! They’ve been calling him a Nazi moron and a misogynist half-wit fascist, not to mention a Satanically evil yet cartoonishly incompetent buffoon, while at the same time a grave threat to democracy. They say he’s a rapist and a convicted felon, and the worst president in our country’s history.
And yet, when the American public looked at him, and then at Kamala, they said, “We’ll take felon, rapist, Satan-Hitler, please.”
There hasn’t been a popular democratic choice so humiliating since the 15th century, when Romanians – faced with the choice of living under the rule of Ottoman Muslims or local prince Vlad the Impaler, model for Bram Stoker’s Count Dracula – chose Vlad!
Got that, Democrats? We’d rather elect Orange “Don the Impaler” Dracula than the Cackler and the Knucklehead!
Also, how great is it that in a year when the entire Democrat party pinned their hopes on a titanic uprising among women voters – whom they assured us were super-motivated to retain the right to kill their children up until their second trimester in kindergarten – Donald Trump became the president who defeated BOTH of the “first female president” candidates?
I haven’t seen anyone beat two women that badly since that tranny Algerian guy in the Olympics! (Which the leftist commentariat supported by the way, so spare me the “we care about women!” talking point.)
Ooh, that reminds me of a story about that guy, which I swear I am not making up. A French hospital released a report on Monday claiming that he’s got XY chromosomes, internal testicles and a “micro-penis.”
Now that I’ve written that, I can’t give you the pop quiz question I thought of last night after my second bourbon:
Who reportedly has internal testes and a micro-penis?
A. Algerian “female” boxer dude
B. Tim Walz (when Minnesota still hadn’t been called by 11:00 p.m.)
C. Doug Emhoff (when Que Mala found out about the nanny)
D. Poor Adam Kinzinger
Answer: Yes.
One other activity I’m enjoying today is revisiting all those who predicted that Kamala would win this election. Even some members of CO nation – you know who you are! – seemed confidently pessimistic that Orange Man was no match for the tag team of Empty Woman and the Meretricious Media.
Wrong celebrities are even more fun. Old Snakehead Carville promised that Kamala would whip Trump. Whoopi Goldberg – I loved her in Ghost (“Molly, you in danger, girl!”) and when she was the Predator in that Schwarzenegger movie – introduced Kamala for her fateful interview on The View as “the next President of the United States!”
But the most entertaining errors come from the pollsters who botch their predictions. Kamala fans got a confidence boost from Ann Selzer’s poll for the Des Moines Register on Sunday that showed Trump losing Iowa by 3 points. That pollster and poll are “the gold standard,” we were told.
And then… Trump wins Iowa by 13. So close!
I could throw a dart at a board, even after three bourbons, and land on a number closer to the real vote total than that! I mean sure, I might miss the dartboard the first time or two. But that third throw would come closer than 16 points off!
But my favorite inaccurate pollster story this time involves academic nerd Allan Lichtman, the very confident inventor of what he calls the “’13 Keys’ System.” His keys don’t relate directly to a specific candidate, but to general election conditions, such as whether the incumbent party candidate is the sitting president, or there is a strong short-term economy.
He claimed that his keys have predicted the election winner in 9 of the last 10 presidential elections, and he confidently predicted a Kamala win on 11/5. He argued with Nate Silver, who saw a tied contest but said his “gut” told him Trump would win.
Lichtman had me worried, so after Trump won I looked back at his system more closely, and identified my mistake. It turns out that three of his keys were actually keys of coke.
So I guess that one’s on me.
Finally, I love the long odds that Trump overcame to win this.
After the bitterness of 2020, and earning the anger of many of us for his undisciplined pique that cost us control over the Senate with the two Georgia losses in January of 2021, Trump launched the most unbelievable comeback in American political history. He had already persisted through sham investigations and two sham impeachments, and then he shouldered through a wave of lawfare cases and ridiculous verdicts that would have doomed a normal candidate, followed by surviving two assassination attempts, and then out-working his opponents at an age when most of us are retired or dead.
I mean, the guy was driving a garbage route ten days ago, and now he’s the incoming leader of the free world! Only in America!
Hamas delenda est!
Martin Simpson 