Well, it’s only 10 days until this madness ends, and the comic buffoonery just keeps coming at us.
Grandma Squanto, for example, is riding scout on some of Trump’s cabinet nominees, especially Pete Hegseth. She got out front with a 33-page letter detailing all of her many objections to him. For example, she’s really freaked out by his scary Christian tattoo, taking her cue from some nitwit who associated the tat with “right-wing extremism.” Which, I’m pretty sure, is just another word for “Christian” in her mind.
She wrote, “We cannot have a [SecDef] whose fellow servicemembers feel concerned enough about to report as a potential insider threat.” Got that? One quivering, low-T military desk-rider got his/her gender non-binary onesie over its head because of Pete’s icky tattoo, and now he can’t be in the defense department.
I’ve heard of a “heckler’s veto” before, but this is the first time I’ve seen a “hysteric’s veto.” That’s not the way you run a military, Liz.
I get it, though. The defense department is very triggering for her. (Or I guess in her case, very “bow-stringing”?) (#wemustneverstopmockingher) After all, her ancestral people have a pretty lousy win-loss record against the US military.
I mean sure, they won at the Little Big Horn, but other than that…
Warren also has her deerskin panties in a bunch (#neverstop) because of Hegseth’s criticism of DEI idiocy in the military. “I think we all know that the Founding Fathers wanted above all that we should judge each other by the color of our skin. Which, as you can clearly see in my case, is a glorious, deep red.” (#nevernevernever)
Okay, I made that quote up. But I think I accurately conveyed the gist of her ridiculous argument.
Meanwhile, the used-to-be-funny Jon Stewart has tacitly admitted what terrible candidates Brandon and Que Mala were, but he still felt obligated to praise how virtuous she was when she presided over the Ceremonial Stating of the Obvious, i.e. the certification of Trump’s victory.
Steward couldn’t resist taking a shot at Trump in the process, saying how smoothly democracy can work when “you don’t act like a little bitch when you lose.”
Um, Hillary Clinton and Stacy Abrams are probably watching, Jon. As well as the dozens of Democrat congresscreeps who protested and came out against certifying that Trump had won in 2016. Have a little empathy for crying bitches everywhere, why don’t you?
On the anny-tray front (I’m still not sure that the FB “fact-checkers” have really been disbanded), I’ve got two stories, one from California and one from Florida. And the ending of these stories tells you a lot about why people have been moving from the former to the latter.
California first. The firefighting policies and personnel in LA have received a lot of attention this week, since the city appears to be burning to the ground. You’ve probably already heard about the head of the LAFD – a sapphic gal named Kristen Crowley – on account of the glowing press she received for becoming the first LGBTQ person to hold her position. You won’t be shocked to learn that she’s a big fan of DEI.
Naturally, she hired an Assistant Fire Chief (and, I’m not making this up, head of the DEI Bureau) who is a rotund African-American woman named Kristine Larson. In a recent video, she stated one of the common, patronizing tropes of DEI enthusiasts: that when people call for a firefighter (or cop, or presidential candidate), they “want someone that looks like you.”
Does anyone really believe that? What if you’re a wheelchair-bound Indonesian octogenarian lady and your house is burning down? Are you hoping to see a wrinkly firefighter roll up and over your threshold in her wheelchair, completely out of breath, so that you can both have a nice chat about pronouns while you burn to death in your wheelchairs together?
I know what you’re thinking. “Martin, she could not possibly say anything stupider than that!”
Au contraire, mon frere. Because Larson then said, “Hold my nasal cannula, and watch this.”
And she raised the obvious objection that any sentient mammal would have when faced with someone advocating choosing firefighters not because they are physically capable of fighting fires, but because of the color of their skin and the nature of their genitalia.
She imagines a citizen saying, “Is she strong enough to do this, or you couldn’t carry my husband out of a fire?” In a sane world, she’d pause for a minute, then began to sweat and blush, and say, “Holy crap. That’s a great question! My position on this has been embarrassingly stupid. I hereby resign from my job.”
But this isn’t a sane world. It’s Los Angeles. So what Kristine Larson really said was, “To which my response is, ‘He got himself in the wrong place if I have to carry him out of a fire.’”
That’s a real thing that she said. If people are trapped in fires, the Assistant Fire Chief thinks that they’ve gotten themselves into the wrong place. And she’s very disappointed in them.
I have no words. Except, “Idiot!” And, “Moron!”
And, “Great job, Democrat voters of LA and California!”
So LA has hired and given power to this woman, and her similarly wokified boss, and who knows how many others like her. And LA is now the World’s Biggest Dumpster Fire™.
UNEXPECTEDLY!
Meanwhile, in Florida, an equally gender confused oddball posted an obnoxiously creepy celebratory video about how he had tricked the evil state of Florida into giving him a driver’s license that listed his sex as female. He explains that he “lost” his driver’s license, and then took in his passport that identifies him as a woman, thus forcing them to give a replacement license that says he’s a woman.
Just from watching the video, you know the kind of rich fantasy life this guy has, because he also becomes giddy at the thought that Ron DeSantis must be running around in a rage and defecating on himself because his will has been thwarted by this stalwart gender warrior.
First, that’s Joe Biden you’re thinking of, and he’s going to be gone in 10 days!
Second, the state of Florida’s reaction was 24-karat gold! When some people in Florida’s DMV saw this guy’s video, they quickly sent him a letter thanking him for bringing to their attention the loophole he had exploited, and notifying him that his incorrect license had been invalidated. They pointed out that they are now investigating other such cases, and will ensure that nobody else is able to follow his example. The letter also hinted that he might be looking at charges, since falsely claiming that you’ve lost your license in order to get a fraudulently altered replacement would be considered a felony.
The envelope also contained his new, valid driver’s license, which correctly identifies him as a male. To which any compassionate person can only have one reaction. Which is… HA! HAHA! HAHAHAHA!
Actually, since it’s a new year, and one of my resolutions is to become a kinder and gentler Martin, I will honestly say that we should pray for confused people like this guy. If he’s got actual gender dysmorphia, that’s got to be a horrible illness, and we should hope that he gets the treatment that he needs.
Even if he’s just following some kind of social contagion, he still has to be deeply unhappy, as anyone who dedicates his life to fighting against reality is bound to be. His obnoxious and disturbing behavior aside, it’s pitiable that he’s placed so much emphasis on getting official documents that wrongly label him, as if that has any effect on the reality of who he is.
Really. Can you imagine getting giddy with childish excitement when you temporarily trick some state agency into confirming your dishonest statement about yourself on a document? That would be like a childless man ordering a “World’s Greatest Dad” mug from Amazon, and then shrieking and running around like he just won the lottery when he unwrapped it beside his mailbox.
So as much as I might initially enjoy watching his celebratory video, followed quickly by learning his getting a karmic beat-down, I feel bad for the poor, deluded guy. Because I’ve got news for him: getting bitch-slapped by conservative reality doesn’t make you a woman.
Just ask Tim Walz, Jon Stewart, Robert DeNiro, Michael Moore, Rob Reiner, or Justin Trudeau.
Okay. Justin Trudeau might be the exception that proves the rule.
10 days left, people!
Martin Simpson 