Well, the Dems continue to compete in a hilarious triathlon of political ineptitude. They start by jumping on bikes and ramming into one pothole after another, then dismount and vigorously run for 100 meters through a lane full of rakes, then shoulder an Olympics-approved rifle and begin firing into their own feet.
But before I get to that, how fun was it to watch Elon’s son X bouncing excitedly alongside Trump as they walked to the Marine One helicopter together the other day?
It was so cute that even the most hard-hearted MSM hack had to almost say, “Awww,” before furiously catching herself. “NO! That’s Hitler and Lil’ Hitler! Must…not…feel…authentic…emotion.”
Of course the beauty of that moment came partly from the question of contrast that instinctively struck anyone watching: “Can you imagine letting your kid into Biden’s custody to walk him over to a helicopter?”
The question answers itself. [Cue Doctor Evil, humming up in his gliding chair and then pausing dramatically. “How about NO?!”]
Biden managed to make walking across a butter-soft lawn – in his specially-designed, codger-friendly, waffle-stomper shoes – look like hold-your-breath-while-Wallenda-tightropes-over-an-active-volcano high drama.
And the idea of Biden lifting a kid to put him onto a set of aircraft stairs?! Just trying to navigate the stairs by himself turned into something that looked like a montage of out-takes from the Eiger Sanction and a frontal assault on El Capitan.
Hey, here’s a question for you: How do we know that Gavin Newsom is smarter than a Hezbollah terrorist who STILL answers calls from unknown numbers on his Samsung De-Crotch-ulator 3000 pager? (Yell-o? Allahu akb-OUCH!)
It’s a trick question, of course, because we don’t. In fact, the only credible evidence that can be asserted in defense of that hypothesis is that he was at least smart enough to apparently agree in an interview with Charlie Kirk that allowing males to stomp women in sports obviously unfair.
But how do we know that Gavin Newsom is smarter than LA Mayor Karen “rhymes with” Bass?
First, because just about every sentient being is smarter than Karen Bass. (Although I wouldn’t bet a single lonely dollar on an IQ-off among Bass, Que Mala, AOC and any patient chosen by random lottery from a head trauma ward at a major metropolitan hospital of your choice. So, yeah.)
Second, because Bass managed to be in Ghana – which my crack team of mapologists tells me is pretty far away from Los Angeles – when the fires very predictably broke out, but then parlayed that idiotic move into a series of ever worsening idiocies.
Despite a boatload of public records laws requiring that she preserve all governmentally significant communications for at least 2 years, she…wait for it… “set her phone NOT to save text messages” during the crisis.
“Martin, who does that?” you might ask.
Until you think for a nano-second, and the question answers itself:
1. Bill Clinton on a “Welcome to the White House, New Interns” group chat. 2. Hunter Biden conducting a shady, “How much am I offered for this crude finger-painting?” group auction on a “Go-Corrupt-Me” fundraiser with a dozen dirty foreign officials and oligarchs.
And 3. The mayor of a horribly run blue city on a private plane in international airspace as she flop-sweats through an inauthentic dashiki while her city is burning to the ground.
Duh.
Then, back on the ground but air-headed as ever, she gave a press conference amidst wisps of acrid, blowing smoke on what looked like the Gone With the Wind movie set showing the aftermath of Sherman burning Atlanta:
Bass: “I’m demanding a complete investigation into the mayor’s actions during this crisis.”
Reporter: “Isn’t that you?”
Bass: “What now?”
Reporter: “You’re the mayor.”
Bass: “Um, yes. And I’m going to leave no stone unturned to get to the bottom of my actions.”
Reporter: “Couldn’t you just tell us that, now?
Bass: “Well, there are a lot of records to go through, and I want to be super-thorough.”
Reporter: “So you’ll be releasing all your texts, emails and phone calls?”
Bass: “Um, yeah. About that…”
Ugh. Remember that Hezbollah dullard I mentioned earlier? He’s sitting in a hospital in Lebanon, wrapped in gauze from neck to ankles, his face blackened by smoke and his eyebrows singed off, trying to explain what happened to his family members gathered around the bed.
“These telemarketers are driving me crazy! I’ve gotten three calls today, and now I’ve got one eye, one testicle and three fingers left!” (There’s a ring-tone of “Hava Nagila” from his bedside table.) “Oh wait a second, I’ve got to take this.”
And his uncle grabs the pager, and rolls his eyes at the other family members, who are all face-palming themselves. “Hey, at least he’s still smarter than Karen Bass.”
But now Ken Doll Newsom has been asked for his emails covering the same period, and Mr. Featureless Plastic Crotch is not dumb enough to try the ol’ “the dog ate my text messages” defense. Instead, he’s going with a claim that “they’re exempt from disclosure under the California Public Records Act.”
Apparently, his lawyers are suggesting that if you read the fine print closely, you’ll find that under the California Public Records Act, public records in California may be hidden from the public, at the whim of any Dem corrupticrat who might be revealed as a nice haircut on top of an empty head in an empty suit, if his public records were to be revealed. In public.
Newsom isn’t even trying to meet the bare requirements of the law by designating which records he’d like to hide and for what reason. This despite the fact that the CA constitution was amended in 2004 by Proposition 59, which asserted that “the people have the right of access to information concerning the conduct of the people’s business” as a foundational principle. This proposition was known as the “Sunshine” amendment.
But Veneer Boy’s lawyers have an answer for this too, as you’ll see in this quote that I am totally making up, yet which still communicates their meaning perfectly: “We are fully abiding by the Sunshine amendment, which we interpret as enshrining any Democrat Governor’s inalienable right to cloak his public records in an impenetrable, Stygian darkness. Hail Satan.”
That guy is the current front-runner for your party’s nomination for President in 2028, Democrats. And may God have mercy on your souls.
Oh, did I mention that it’s been revealed that Newsom secretly funded a $97,000 bust of himself that was recently placed in the San Francisco City Hall?
Because of course he did.
David Hogg/Gavin Newsom ’28!
Also, Hamas delenda est!
Martin Simpson 