My Birthday, and More Dems Behaving Badly (posted 5/28/25)

Before I left on the cousins’ trip, I’d made some notes on a few “lefties behaving badly” stories.  Even though those examples are now two weeks old, and there have been hundreds more similar stories since then, I like to think that these stories are evergreen.  So I will share them with you now.

But first, I have to acknowledge a painful reality.  Today is my birthday, and I am 63 years old.  Some of you who have seen my most recent video – in which I was rocking my gray, poison-ivy beard – are probably saying to yourselves, “No way, Martacus!  You don’t look a day over 61 and a half.”

But sadly, that’s not the case.  I can verify for you youngsters that all of those cliches about life going by too fast are true.  I remember the 1980s like they were yesterday.  Even when I’m feeling my age, I like to think of myself as middle-aged. 

Which I am… assuming I live to be 126.  (And on that day – mark it on your calendars: May 28th, 2085 – I’ll STILL be more fit to be president than Joe Biden was.)

I didn’t tell you this just to get a bunch of gratifying “happy birthday” wishes.  (Although, considering how little time I have left on earth, a rousing round of “happy birthday to you” wouldn’t hoit.  Just be sure to sing into my good ear.)  I’m also telling you because of an embarrassing error I made many years ago.

When I created a personal Facebook page – which I neglect for months at a time, so if I haven’t responded to your post there, please don’t take it personally – my tech incompetence and short attention span quickly raised its ugly head.  I lost interest shortly after starting to complete the various “profile” information fields, and thus left the default setting for date of birth, which was January 1st.

So over the years, I’ve received some very sweet “happy birthday” messages from people… on New Year’s Day.  Please forgive me for my sloth.  My only social media activity takes place on this wonderful CO site and my own WordPress page, so I apologize for my inattention elsewhere.

But enough about me behaving badly.  Let’s move on to lefties doing so…

You may remember when a handful of Democrat elected officials led a mob of low-IQ protestors and tried to force their way into a NJ ICE facility back on May 9th.  That story continues to unfold hilariously, with congresswoman LaMonica McIver having since been arrested and charged with assault.

She made a classic blunder: when you’re going to participate in an unruly mob and assault a government official while cameras are recording, try not to be an obnoxiously loud, plus-sized person wearing a bright red coat. 

I think Sun Tzu said that.

But the Red Menace was not the only one arrested that day.  She was joined by Ras Baraka. 

Despite having the name of a Klingon warlord, or possibly a Jamaican reggae band, Baraka is actually the mayor of Newark New Jersey.  He’s done such a bang-up job with Newark – as everyone knows, when you think of stellar governance, you think of Newark – that he’s now planning to run for NJ governor.

And what could be a better way to launch a gubernatorial bid than to get some national attention by being arrested in a high-profile incident?  Unfortunately for Ras, he is apparently taking his PR cues from Cory “Spartacus” Booker, because in a press conference after his arrest, he compared himself to David.

I don’t mean David Hasselhoff (although the mayor’s clarity of thought suggests that he too may have a problem with the bottle), or David Schwimmer (though the mayor would be well advised to PIVOT from his recent strategy). 

I mean the Biblical David. 

Because we all remember the story of how King David overcame Goliath by yelling incoherently until the Philistines freed a bunch of foreign criminal gangbangers, don’t we?  Good grief!

Speaking of famous Davids, do you know what’s funnier than the Dems picking Lil’ Davy Hogg for their DNC co-chair?  Giving him the boot less than three months later! 

I can’t wait to see who they replace him with, since their fig-leaf reason for dumping him – as opposed to the real one: he’s a narcissistic zygote with no life experience whose first decision was to spend $20 mil trying to primary a bunch of old Dems – was that the committee who elected him wasn’t “diverse” enough!

Man, I’m hoping that they roll out a previously unknown niece of Que Mala!  Or maybe Joy Reid?  I hear she’s looking for a gig.

Anyway, have you noticed how quickly the Dems dropped the main talking point that they’d been beating into the ground for the last year?  No, I’m not talking about “Trans women are women!”  That was second place.

First place by a mile was, “We have to defend democracy!  Our precious, sacred, inviolate democracy.  Oh, won’t someone please think of the democracy!”

And then Trump won the electoral college, and all seven battleground states, and the popular vote.  And all of a sudden, they’re not so excited about democracy anymore.  So how can we be surprised when they elected Davy Hogg – fair and square, and oh so democratically! – and as soon as he turns out to be the petulant child he obviously was when they elected him… they un-elect him!   

That’s the Democrats, people.  Gaslighters gotta gaslight, and they are the gold standard of gaslighting.  If they’re not trying to convince us that Tampon Tim Walz is a man, they’re trying to convince us that Michelle Obama is a woman, or that Joe Biden was in tip-top shape all through his presidency.

It’s been great fun lately to watch all of the top Dems scrambling for cover when asked about their scandalous cover-up of Biden’s obvious dementia.  Someone obviously came up with a lame talking point, which was shortly spouted by Schumer and Hakeem Jeffries, and a dozen others: “We’re not looking back, we’re looking forward.”

That’s comically inept.  Can you imagine it working with any kind of scandal?  Could Letitia James get away with saying, “All of my fraudulent mortgages are in the past. Let’s look forward!”

Or could Bill Clinton have had a much more tranquil 1998 by saying, “Oh, come on!  Who can even remember who was taking Chicom cash from Charlie Trie, or banging cocktail waitresses two at a time so that customers couldn’t even get a drink at the White House bar?  That’s all past stuff.  I’m looking forward now.” 

Still, I guess we can be grateful that no Democrat will tell any more tired lies about January 6th, or refer to Trump’s 34 bogus convictions, since those are both in the past, right? 

But my favorite example of Democrat self-beclowning from the first half of May came from smelly Eric Swalwell.  During congressional questioning of Kristi Noem about whether proven MS-13 member Kilmar Garcia is an MS13 member, Swalwell took the obviously wrong position, and bragged that he was correct because of his very accurate “bullsh*t detector.”

Hey Eric, it’s probably not a good idea to brag about how you are incapable of being fooled.  Because we all remember that time when a Chinese spy sidled up to you, batted her eyes, and whispered, “Me love you long time.” And you didn’t think, “Wait a minute, that’s a line from the Vietnamese hooker in Full Metal Jacket, and I’m a 4 at best, and that’s before taking my low IQ and flatulence into account.  And she’s a lot younger, and a 7 or 8.”

But no.  Your bullsh*t detector must have been on the fritz.  And it stayed that way for several years, until the FBI came to you and said, “You know that Chicom cutie who pretended to fall for you, even though she would never fall for someone who looks and smells like you in a million years?  Yeah, she’s a spy.”

Well done, Eric!  You keep doing you, and we’ll keep laughing at you.

Hamas delenda est!

The Cousins’ Trip, Part 2 – Flight 93 Memorial, and the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (posted 5/27/25)

From Gettysburg we drove north in a steady rain for the rest of Wednesday. I had hoped to visit Pittsburgh on this trip, and we would have done so on our original itinerary, which had us passing through Pittsburgh earlier, when the weather was still good.  But between the rain and our lack of time, we had to leave a visit to Pittsburgh for a future trip.

We did make a serendipitous stop though.  As we were on the PA turnpike, we saw a sign for the Flight 93 Memorial near Shanksville.  According to Waze we were 21 minutes from the site, which would close in 25 minutes.  Both of my cousins had seen it before and were moved by it, and said that it was well worth seeing if we’d had more time.  

But because I’m an Ameri-can and not an Ameri-can’t, I said, “Let’s drive dangerously fast in the rain and try to make it there before closing.”  Which we did.

In what felt like an omen, the rain got heavier as we got closer.  When we entered the road to the memorial site, a layer of thick fog descended over the road, and just as we’d driven what felt like a long way on that curving road and arrived at the parking lot beside the site, the rain went from “steady” to “downpour.” 

One cousin and I ran across the parking lot and into the Visitor Center, fighting against the flow of a busload of school kids who were exiting as the center prepared to close.  My cousin said that the best thing to do in just a few minutes was to pick up an earpiece on a display wall close to the entrance, and listen to three phone messages left on loved ones’ answering machines by three different women who were on the flight, and knew they were about to die. 

It’s a good thing I’m a stoic Midwesterner who is as tough as a two-dollar steak, or I would have been reduced to a crying mess.

As it was, I made it through two-and-a-half of the phone calls before a Center employee appeared and announced that the Center was closed.  We walked back outside into fog, a chilly wind and a slightly easing rain. 

The park site features several tall concrete walls, through which a black granite walkway goes from the parking lot to your right down to a gate made of hemlock beams to your left.  That black stone traces the final flight path of the doomed plane.  From the hemlock gate, the fog was so thick that I couldn’t see the field beyond it, into which the plane crashed. 

The names of the 40 innocents killed in the crash are carved on 40 individual white granite wall panels.  Two of the panels are poignantly different from the others.  On one, Toshiya Kuge’s name appears in the same black letters in which the names of the other dead are carved.  But his name also appears in four Japanese characters, in a barely visible white carving, in his mother’s handwriting.

The other unusual panel features the name of Lauren Catuzzi Grandcolas in black, followed by three heartbreaking words in ephemeral, barely visible, unpainted letters: “and unborn child.”

(We don’t hate those terrorists enough.  If I were to make one change to the site, it would be to place a few flat stones on the edge of the field, away from the rest of the site.  On those stones would be carved the names of the terrorist hijackers, identifying them as hateful cowards, and inviting visitors to spit or urinate upon them, as the spirit moves them.) 

One other inspired feature at the site is a 93-foot Tower of Voices, which consists of a concrete frame holding 40 aluminum, tubular wind chimes, one for each of the passengers and crew.  When winds at the site exceed 12 miles per hour, the chimes make music. 

Unfortunately, the fog was so thick that I could just barely make out the structure as we passed it, and the wind wasn’t quite strong enough to coax music from the chimes.

Just as with our earlier time at Gettysburg, the grim weather seemed commensurate with the somber event being commemorated.  And in a strange way, our rushed visit seemed to hammer home the tragic brevity of life.  I wasn’t even able to make it through the short, brave, tortured phone calls before the experience came to a premature end.   

After that, we continued driving north, arriving after dark on the outskirts of Cleveland.  The next morning we went to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  The cold rain was once again so strong that we could barely make out Lake Erie.

I’d never been to Cleveland, but I’ve always had a grudging admiration for it, and for the tough and unpretentious Midwesterners who live there.  It was famously nicknamed “The Mistake on the Lake,” and I like Randy Newman’s droll, elegiac song “Burn On,” about the polluted Cuyahoga River catching fire in 1969.  (“The Lord can make you tumble, the Lord can make you turn, the Lord can make you overflow… (but) the Lord can’t make you burn.”)

Cleveland has an NFL team…but it’s the Browns, a team that has often played tough, but never made it to the Super Bowl.  I’m not sure what the team owner was thinking by naming the team after their first coach, Paul Brown – who was a solid coach, with an uninspiring name.  To add insult to injury, brown isn’t even an inspiring color, and offers no logical mascot.

The NFL is full of admirable animal mascots (Bears, Jaguars, Lions), birds of prey (Falcons, Ravens, Eagles) and professions or groups of admirable people (Steelers, Patriots, Saints).  NFL helmets and uniforms are adorned with pirate flags, Viking horns, and lightning bolts.

But the Browns are… the browns.  Their helmets are a featureless brown.  As are their jerseys.  They used to play in a badly designed stadium called… Cleveland Municipal Stadium, and now they play in… Huntington Bank Field.  (Woohoo!)  We drove around the stadium in the rain, and saw the two statues of their greatest players:  Jim Brown (of course!), and Otto Graham (who, as you may have guessed from the name “Otto,” played 75 years ago). 

(Not to brag, but I live in a smaller town than Cleveland, with a college football team rather than a pro one.  But that team has the cool name of “Gators,” with an iconic Gator mascot.  We play in a stadium known as The Swamp.  And we have inspiring statues of three great Heisman winners, all of whom are still alive, and none of whom is named “Otto.”)

Despite all that, Cleveland is a gritty, underdog kind of city, and I like it.  Especially since we had a good time at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. 

We saw a lot of artifacts from the usual musical suspects: Elvis, the Beatles, the Stones, Johnny Cash.  But there was also a lot of respect paid to the R&B, country and Gospel roots of rock, as well as to some of my favorites, including the great John Prine.  Of course you can always quibble about who got too much attention (Cher, Bon Jovi and various rappers) and who got too little (nothing from Tom Waites, only one small picture of Cheap Trick, and very little on David Bowie, a particular favorite of my youngest daughter).

I liked that the museum had a “garage” section, composed of smaller rooms with instruments that visitors could play around with, and where some good musicians played several live sets throughout the day.                     

The last thing we did there was watch a short movie – in a theatre equipped with lights and shaking seats – of musical highlights from past HOF induction performances.  The song that got the most time came at the end, and was the great version of George Harrison’s “While My Guitar Gently Weeps,” performed by an all-star band. 

Harrison’s son played – looking like a clone of his dad – and the highlights for me were Tom Petty’s singing and freaky little weirdo Prince’s amazing shredding on guitar. 

Midway through our seven-hour drive back to Illinois, the sun finally came out, making for a mellow ending to our trip.  After the grim sites of the last two days – bloody battlefields scarred by the fight to end slavery, and the lonely field in Pennsylvania scarred by a plane brought down by evil, microphallused jihadis – a celebration of raucous American music was a nice, palate-cleansing dessert.

Tomorrow, I’ll return to my usual political mockery.    

Until then, as always…

Hamas delenda est!

The Cousins’ Trip, Part 1 – Shenandoah, Harper’s Ferry, Antietam, Gettysburg (posted 5/26/25)

After 10 days of traveling, I’m glad to be back home.  I had intended to write a few columns during this cousins’ trip as I had in the past, but I was only able to take some notes along the way.  So this column is about the first part of our trip, which fits the occasion of Memorial Day, and I’ll post a column tomorrow about the rest of the trip. 

I was glad to be able to visit with my mom, sister and brother-in-law in Tennessee at the beginning and end of the cousins’ trip.  Mom is hanging in there, and my sister is doing a great job of watching over her.  Mom’s spirits are still good, and the whole family has gotten some much appreciated help from a woman who has been coming in to help two days a week. 

I was also able to spend a day in Illinois having meals and visits with an aunt and uncle, as well as a few cousins who weren’t going to be traveling with the three of us. 

Our trip this time was for five days, and the weather forecast changed our plans a bit.  We had three sunny, cool days to start, and two rainy days at the end, so we opted to take my cousin’s relatively new Ford Explorer, rather than the ’76 Caddy convertible that we’d taken on our previous trips. 

Regular readers may remember that that beautiful old car is less than completely water-proof, and its wipers less than efficient.  Shakespeare was right when he said that “Conscience makes cowards of us all.”  But if he were taking a long road trip in the rain in May of 2025, he might have had a few things to say about comfort and convenience, as well as conscience.

Anyway, we looked at the forecast, and then at the Caddy, and then at the forecast again.  And then “our native hue of resolution was sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought.”  So the Explorer it was.

The rain also changed the order of our trip.  We’d originally planned to head east first, and then south to the Shenandoah National Park and Harper’s Ferry area.  But the promise of some sunny days for our outdoor activities meant that we headed southeast and drove longer than planned on our first day.

Fittingly for this trip shortly before Memorial Day, we went to four battlefields.  Tippecanoe (in Indiana) was first, the site of a much smaller battle in a war with Indians associated with Tecumseh.  Though that battle was much more important to Liz Warren (#wemustneverstopmockingher), the three Civil War sites to follow dwarfed it, in scale and casualties.

We made it down to Clarksburg, WV late that night, and the next morning we visited the Shenandoah National Park, which was as beautiful as advertised.  From there we made our way to Staunton, VA, a small town surrounded by wooded hills that punches above its weight, with a charming downtown and blocks of well-preserved old buildings.  After lunch we went to the Woodrow Wilson Presidential Library and Museum.  That’s a modest place with pretty grounds, and a garage exhibit featuring a sweet Pierce-Arrow limousine billed as “The Chariot of the President.”

We didn’t tour the museum and house, partly because of time, but mostly because Wilson was a racist leftist president whose bossy wife was the defacto president when he was debilitated during his last year in office. 

And I’ve already had my fill of that, and don’t want to support it any more!

That evening we made it to Harper’s Ferry, which made a strong, if strange impression on me.  The site is lovely, with the old town occupying three or floor blocks along a hillside where the Potomac and Shenandoah Rivers meet.  There is a train station on the low ground closest to the Potomac, and a few inns and restaurants, but most of the old town is a national historic park, and basically shuts down at night. 

Of course the town is best known for John Brown’s famous raid in 1859.  Meant to start a slave rebellion, the raid failed, and most of the raiders were killed during the skirmish or executed afterwards.  Because of its proximity to DC and strategic location on two rivers and a major railroad line, the town was fought over throughout the Civil War.    

We stayed in an 1840 inn, and took the opportunity to wander around the town and watch the last commuter train of the day arrive from DC, before we ate a late supper.  The next morning we were up early, before many people were out, and walked the mostly empty streets. The morning air was cool and refreshing, and smelled like honeysuckle.  We made our way up to Jefferson Rock, an outcropping on which the great man sat in October of 1783, and pronounced the view one of the most beautiful he’d ever seen.

After coffee and breakfast, we crossed a pedestrian walkway attached to a railroad bridge over the Potomac, and climbed on a forested path, up a steep hillside to where a battery of guns had been stationed during the war.  As we climbed, we were treated to intermittent views out over the valley and the town below, which confirmed Jefferson’s opinion of the scenery.  The timber was full of birds, and the honeysuckle scent was even stronger there.  On our way back downhill we began to see more people, but that morning felt like a tranquil break from normal life.

On the other hand, I kept thinking about something that was never far from my mind as we visited two more battlefields over the next 24 hours: What must it have been like to fight the battles that happened in those places?  After a half hour of walking on a cleared, wide pathway up to where the gun emplacement had been, I couldn’t imagine hauling cannon up that hill, when there was no path and tons of obstacles, and only manpower and horsepower to accomplish the feat.

From Harper’s Ferry we drove the 18 miles or so to Antietam, site of the bloodiest one-day battle of the war.  The visitor’s center had some interesting exhibits, and we watched a film recounting the course of the battle, before walking the nearest portion of the battlefield, and then taking a guided driving tour around a series of spots that followed the various stages of the battle. 

I’d read a lot about the Civil War years ago, and watched Ken Burns’ excellent 10-part documentary on the war, so most of the key positions were familiar to me: Burnside’s bridge over Antietam creek, the Dunker Church, the Cornfield, etc.  But it’s a different thing to see the actual site, with the monuments identifying which units were at which spots, and the gently rolling land on which so many men died.

I remembered reading about the Sunken Road (soon to be known as Bloody Lane) from which confederates were first able to ambush federal troops who marched right up to it without knowing it was there.  But even as we drove into the small parking lot that the audio tour identified as the Sunken Road, we still didn’t see it until we’d left the car and were right on top of it.  And then we could instantly understand how it turned into a death trap, once the union troops knew it was there, and could fire down into it. 

The beauty and peacefulness of the day when we visited Antietam contrasted with the horrific battle that had taken place there. 

But that was not the case when we arrived at Gettysburg, in a cold rain, the next morning.

The museum there was excellent, with many exhibits of weapons and uniforms, and a moving film that proved an old adage: you can’t go wrong with Morgan Freeman narrating.  After watching the film, we went upstairs into the Gettysburg Cyclorama, a large round room, with a raised, rounded platform in the middle, surrounded by a gigantic, 360-degree oil painting of the battle.  Between the platform and the walls, there is a hillside – complete with artifacts (cannon, wagons, rifles) and vegetation – that slopes away from the platform, and blends into the painting beyond. 

After that we went out into a chilly, foggy rain, and took another driving and audio tour of the large battlefield.  The low skies and grim weather seemed to perfectly match the somber events of the three-day battle, and once again I was surrounded by famous places I’d read about since childhood: Little Round Top, the Devil’s Den, the Wheatfield, Cemetery Hill. 

Overall, Harper’s Ferry was too quaint and the landscape too charming to feel like a battlefield to me, and Antietam was too bucolic and the day too pretty.  But experiencing Gettysburg under slate-gray skies and a cold rain was appropriately somber, and felt fitting, considering the bloody struggle that unfolded over three terrible days there.

On this Memorial Day, I’m in a Gettysburg state of mind, and I feel the kind of gratitude that it took the pen of Lincoln to express, when he wrote about our military men who “gave the last full measure of devotion” in the service of our country. 

God bless them, and their memory.

Hamas delenda est!

Response to Last Week’s Posts About Debating Lefties, + My Dark Secret (posted 5/15/25)

By the time you read this, I’ll be on the road up to Tennessee, and then on to Illinois.  I think I’ll be posting a column tomorrow on the Dems’ entertaining, continuing implosion, and I’ll do my best to post at least one or two columns next week from the road.

Last week I posted a slightly edited version of an email exchange I recently had with an old friend of mine who is a committed lefty, on the subject of the rule of law, and the potential for a “constitutional crisis” that may arise if SCOTUS doesn’t shut down the dozens of district court judges who are filing frivolous lawfare TROs against every move he makes.   

Many of you asked how he responded to the points I made, and many said that they have stopped even trying to discuss politics with the lefties in their lives. 

I haven’t heard back from my friend about my last two responses yet.  He received the first one the night before he was leaving on a two-week trip, and said that he’d need time to go through it and think about it, and I sent him the second one while he was on the road, and said we could talk about it when he gets back.

But over many years of such exchanges, I think that each of us has changed the other’s mind on individual points, but not on any of our larger beliefs.  (E.g. I think I’ve been able to prove to him that individual lefties have been corrupt and that some conservatives have governed better than some lefties, but not that leftism itself is based on false premises and doesn’t work in the real world.)  He’s one of four leftist friends of mine, and I think that statement applies to all four of them.    

Since none of them are the deranged, extremist, “you’re cancelled if you don’t agree with me” types, I’ve still been able to discuss politics with them, to varying degrees.   And I appreciate that, for a couple of reasons.  As I’ve mentioned before, I enjoy clarifying and testing my arguments in good-faith debates.  (Teaching argumentative and persuasive writing was a good fit for me!)

I also think that my friends and I have served a very useful moral purpose for each other: reminding all of us that the other side is not made up entirely of malevolent idiots and worse.  It’s very easy to watch bad-faith hypocrites and liars like Biden, Schumer, Grandma Squanto et al and start thinking of all Democrats as irredeemable creeps.  (And there are plenty of GOP morons who can make regular conservatives look like idiots!)  But knowing my friends reminds me – and I hope that knowing me reminds them – that that’s not the case.

In a way, this point dovetails nicely with my Christian faith.  We’re supposed to be as aware of our own flaws as we are of others’ flaws, and it’s good to be reminded of other people’s foibles in a way that doesn’t lead us to demonize them.  People make ridiculous choices in many areas of their lives, not just in politics.

Some people willingly drink ouzo.  Some are vegans.  Some root for FSU.  Some like soccer.  Some don’t like dogs. And some vote down-the-line Democrat.  What are we going to do?  Uncle Jesus tells me I’m supposed to love them anyway, and reminds me that I might have made a few stupid choices along the way myself.

I mean, you wouldn’t know it by looking at me, with my smoke show wife, my great kids, and my Wonder Dog, living my best life in the Free State of Florida.  But even I have had some dark chapters in my life. 

What I’m about to share with you needs to stay between us, and if you repeat it, I’ll deny it.  Like Joy Reid when her homophobic posts came out, I’ll just claim that my email was hacked.  (Joy Reid is this angry racist lady who used to be on tv.  Or on MSNBC.  Which is kind of like tv, except without the viewers.)

So if others are in the room or reading this over your shoulder who can’t be trusted to keep their mouths shut, please go somewhere else, or ask them to leave. 

Okay.  Here it goes. 

I was basically a Democrat until I was in my late 20s.

I know. I just threw up in my mouth a little, too.  And Cassie just looked at me with her head turned sideways, because I forgot that she can read.  Annnndddd… now she’s trotting out of the room, giving me a withering look back over her shoulder. 

Please, let me explain! 

I was pretty a-political as a teen and young adult.  I was one of those weird young men who was preoccupied with sports and girls, with an added layer of voracious-reader book nerd. 

Then I went to grad school for seven years (the PhD took me an extra year because I wrote a novel instead of my dissertation in my fourth year), where I was surrounded by lefty professors and students.

The pressure to conform was pretty strong.  If taking a lefty position in class was more likely to get me the 4.0 that I was looking for, okay.   If pretending to have read Das Kapital and Noam Chomsky’s latest drivel increased the chances that a female classmate would overlook my pedestrian appearance and thrust herself upon me, I’m in.  (If not like Flynn, at least like a young, proto-Martacus.) (100-year-old movie references for $100, Alex.) 

Whew, this is tough to write.  In the years since, my shame has driven me to confession about this multiple times.   And I’m not even Catholic!  I’d just randomly stop in a Catholic church and step into the shame booth.  (Have I mentioned that I’m not Catholic?)  But even then, I’d be tempted to falsely confess to murder or robbing a nun, just to avoid saying the words, “I once voted for Jimmy Carter.”

In my defense, I’d never paid enough attention to politics to be a down-the-line lefty.  I’d always had enough common sense to know that affirmative action was just reverse racism, and that abortion was wrong, for example.  And as I was forced to read leftist literary criticism – anti-Americanism and CRT were already making themselves felt, even in the Midwest, in the 1980s – I started to feel more and more repulsed.

By the time I finished my PhD, I had resolved never to read Lacan, Derrida, Marcuse or any of those weirdos again.  In fact, I started to read a lot of history, and then military history.  And then I came across Thomas Sowell, and Milton Friedman, and eventually VDH. 

Within two years of getting out, I was a confirmed conservative.

My transformation was completed a few years later, when I realized that the vow of poverty that I’d taken when I became an English professor was not a joke.  I started researching ways to buy fixer-upper real estate so that I might be able to retire before age 90. 

Some real-world experience with entrepreneurial risk-taking quickly cured me of the last vestiges of my youthful dalliance with liberalism, and I started down the road to becoming the conservative stalwart you know and admire today.      

Thus I became the old political cliché: a soft-hearted, naïve liberal at 20, but a reality-appreciating conservative by 30. 

My example does give me hope, though: sometimes it seems as if everybody is in their own bubbles, and people cling so stubbornly to their own priors.  But I made the change, both through reading ideas from the other side, and from life experience.  My guess is that the latter changes a lot more minds – the old “a conservative is a liberal who has been mugged” idea. 

But as a bookish type with a taste for logic and argument, my conversion began and moved pretty far along purely because of reading and thinking, before I staked my meager life savings on several real estate investments, and thus sealed the deal.

So while it often seems that our politics are so polarized in recent years, I still retain some cautious optimism that at least some liberals are persuadable.  In fact, their own party’s insane race to the far left is pushing some of them toward our side by default.  

I think many of these types now feel – or soon will – like Reagan did when he said that he didn’t leave the Democrats, the Democrats left him.  Elon certainly does.  A year or two ago he posted a cartoon showing him standing in the same place, but the leftists running so far to the extreme left that his unchanged position – which was once a little left of center – is now firmly on the right. 

A similar process happened for RFK Jr., Tulsi, Dave Rubin, Joe Rogan, Adam Carolla, and many more.

So I enjoy debating my lefty friends, even though I don’t expect that any of them will necessarily undergo the conversion that I did. 

But even if they only become more aware of and turned off by the extremists on the far left, they will be doing themselves and the nation some good.

Our country would be better off with a sane, center-left liberal party, and a much more marginalized and impotent far-left fringe (rather than the radicals who are steering the Democrats today). 

Such a centrist party could mitigate the damage done when the Dems next have power, and could even be cooperative partners with some conservatives on a small range of issues where we have some common ground. 

If I’m being honest, I can’t say that I see that happening anytime very soon.  But we’re cautious optimists around here, and I’m trying to keep that hope alive!

Hamas delenda est!

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A Good Mother’s Day, and Other Assorted Good News (posted 5/12/25)

I hope you all had a great Mother’s Day!  We certainly did.  Because my wife’s birthday is the 10th, we had a combination birthday-Mother’s Day celebration for her on Saturday.  Her two brothers and their wives came over, and we all went to a large animal sanctuary a few miles north of town.

It’s called the Carson Springs Wildlife Conservation Foundation, and they really do things right.  They’ve got all the proper certifications and designations, and during our two-hour walking tour, we could see that they love those animals, and give them the kind of care they deserve.  Their living areas are spacious, with appropriately sturdy fencing in a natural setting.  (There are no concrete floors and jail-cell ambience here.)  They’ve got lots of big cats, plus hyenas, lemurs, and a lot more.

I know that many people can go and see lions, tigers and cheetahs and still go through life as atheists or agnostics.  But I don’t get it.  I can’t look at an adult male lion without thinking of C.S. Lewis’ Aslan, or Biblical lion imagery (the Lion of Judah, roaring like a lion, the boldness of a lion, even the adversary, “prowling around like a lion, seeking someone to devour”).

And the story of “Daniel in the Weasels’ Den” would work for no one.

On the other hand, I can see how a materialist could still appreciate these animals, just for their ingenious fitness for their environment.  The jaguar is so perfectly camouflaged.  The cheetah can go from 0-60 in 3 seconds, and he looks like it, even when he’s standing still. 

The hyenas aren’t as handsome, but are fascinating to watch.  Our tour guide pointed out that their back legs are shorter than their front legs, which allows them to sprint backwards while keeping their eyes and teeth facing a pursuer. 

In the SEC, we call that “a shutdown corner.”

Because: God and football, two essential parts of life. 

That night I caught the SNL monologue – only because one of my favorite actors Walton Goggins was the host – and saw his very touching tribute to his mom.  She was in the audience, and when he called her up on stage to dance with him, it was enough to make even a flinty stoic like myself get a little misty eyed.

(Goggins is in The White Lotus, which is too weird for me to watch.  But he was in Justified, which is arguably the best series this century: amazing actors; characters and writing from the great Elmore Leonard; and fantastic Kentucky-ness everywhere you look.)  

On Sunday I called my world-class mom.  Regular readers know that she is beset with Alzheimers, but is still soldiering on.  For the sake of new readers, I’ll re-tell the story that best sums up my mom.

She lives with my sister and her husband in Tennesee, and after she had a mild stroke two years ago, she was unsteady on her feet for a few days after she came home.  My sister told her that she was going to sleep in her bed with her the first night or two, so that she could help steady her if she had to get up in the night. 

When they had been in bed for about 15 minutes, mom rolled over and saw Rhonda there.  Seeing that mom was confused – in fact, she’d forgotten the mild stroke already – Rhonda said, “Remember?  I’m going to sleep with you tonight.”

Mom said, “Oh, okay.”  Then after a moment, she said, “Did you have a bad dream?”  THAT’s a mom: 86 years old, and still taking care of the kids!

When I called her yesterday, she said she’s doing great, because that’s her standard response.  I thanked her for being a great mom most of the time – there is some controversy in the family as to whether she spoiled my sister too much 😊 – and she thanked me for being a great son all of the time.

Thus proving that her mind and memory are still strong!

Later this week, I’ll be going up to see her and my sister, on my way to Illinois and another traditional May trip with two of my cousins.   (New readers can go to “Road Trips” on my website and read about our trip on Route 66 from Chicago to Santa Monica in a ’76 Caddy Eldorado several years back, followed by our “Lap the Lake” trip around Lake Michigan.)

(You can also see a 6-year-old picture of my mom and I there, in stylish headgear.  She’s the one in the birthday hat; I’m the one in the turkey chapeau.)  

This year we’re going to Harper’s Ferry, with stops along the way in Cleveland (for the Rock-and-Roll Hall of Fame), Pittsburgh, Gettysburg, Antietam and the Shenandoah National Park, along with anywhere else that we stumble across along the way.          

All of that being said, I don’t have time to comment on all the good things that have happened in the world over the last couple of days.  But ticking off even a short list should make us grateful. 

India and Pakistan seem to have pulled back from a nuclear war.  The Catholics have a new pope.  There are positive signs on the tariff front.  Letitia James is so panicked about the karmic arse-whipping she’s about to get that she has painted herself bronze and is trying to hide in plain sight on top of a pedestal in Times Square. 

Trump has intimidated Hamas into releasing their last American hostage. (Though if they don’t immediately release the rest of their hostages, I hope Israel descends on them like the Lion of Judah, if the Lion of Judah had exploding pagers and groin-seeking missiles and whatever other weapons it takes to wipe every Hamas terrorist off the map).  

By the way, you may remember that American hostage’s name from all the time the Dems spent wailing about his illegal captivit—

Oh no, wait.  They haven’t mentioned his name, because they’ve been too busy rending their garments over wife-beating, human-trafficking, gang-banging illegal thugs like Kil-Mar.

Speaking of which, Democrat politicians never fail to keep failing, as four of them did when they tried to illegally force their way into an ICE facility in New Jersey last Friday.  A Dem mayor got arrested, and more arrests are likely coming, as DHS reviews video of the incident.  Which was exactly like The Great Escape (1963), except that instead of brave POWs trying to break out of a Nazi camp, it was a clot of bumbling, deranged commies trying to release a bunch of violent thugs into America.   

Because: self-detonators gotta self-detonate!

Finally, I have to mention Maine high school teacher JoAnna St. Germain, who appears to be a miraculous agglomeration of the DNA of Jasmine Crockett, Ilhan Omar, AOC, and Lil’ Davy Hogg, all rolled up in one.  

This “educator” took to Facebook to call on the Secret Service to “take out” the president and “every sycophant he has surrounded himself with.”  She later clarified that she’s “not talking about assassinating a president.”

But wait.  Didn’t she just— Oh, read the next sentence: “A president is a person duly elected by the American people.” 

Get it?  That thing in November wasn’t a legitimate election, because any election in which the Left doesn’t get what it wants is by definition illegitimate.  Thus, Trump is a fascist dictator, and should be murdered.

She seems nice.   

She’s got social media pics and posts that check ALL the boxes:

Crazy eyes?  (You betcha.)

Odd hair?  (Several variations, the most recent of which appears to be a shaved/very short ‘do.  If she is undergoing cancer treatment, I sincerely apologize for the mockery.  But… NOPE.)

Pics from protests featuring badly-made, hand-written signs?  (Oh yeah.)

Do those signs have way too many words, heading off in multiple, incoherent directions?  (Need you even ask?)

How about vulgarity?  (If a big “F” bomb counts, then yes.)

Any pics of the rainbow flag?  (Obviously.)

Does it have the big, ugly, triangular thing on it, indicating that just 5 or 6 made-up genders aren’t nearly wacky enough?  (That’s a bingo.)

The Secret Service confirmed that they are aware St. Germain’s creepy posts, but no charges have been filed against her yet.  On the bright side, she is probably now one of the leading Democrat candidates for 2028. 

And “Crockett/St. Germain” has a nice “JD-Vance-walking-in-accompanied-by-‘Hail to the Chief’” vibe to it, don’t you think?

Have a good week!  If you haven’t seen it yet, do yourself a favor and watch Justified, and if you’ve got a little donation money lying around and want to support some of God’s creatures, Carson Springs is a 501-C-3 non-profit, and can be found at http://www.carsonspringswildlife.org.

And don’t forget…

Hamas delenda est!

Another Self-Detonating Hero, and You’ll Never Guess Why the Dems Are Worried about Fetterman (posted 5/9/25)

After two over-long columns on the serious subjects of lawfare and the courts, today I’m returning to the kind of material that is right in my usual wheelhouse: a quick rundown of recent stories requiring juvenile mockery. 

But I appreciate the many thoughtful comments that you all posted on my last two columns.  I’m going to share a little more next week to answer your questions about how my buddy responded to my emails, and also about my conversion from being a liberal in my callow youth, to the wise old conservative you know and love today.  

First up, we have a new candidate for the leftists’ “Self-Detonating Hero” designation, so get ready for a fusillade of “unexpectedly”s:

He is a pro-Hamas, anti-Semite Columbia student (unexpectedly!) from “Palestine” (unexpectedly!), here on a green card (unexpectedly!) named Mohsen Mahdawi. 

Mahdawi was taken into custody by ICE, but has been temporarily released on bond on the order of a US District court judge in Vermont.  (Unexpectedly!)  Of course that judge was appointed by Ronald Reagan.

HA! I kid because I love.  He’s an Obama appointee.

Unexpectedly!  

And the Dems are already beginning to transfer their schoolgirl crushes from Kilmar to Mohsen, like a 13-year-old girl replacing her Donnie Osmond poster with a Shaun Cassidy one.  (I’ll take “Timely late 1970s pop culture references” for $100, Alex.)

Mohsen looks like an Arab Luigi Mangione, and he’s got the soft-spoken peace-loving protestor routine down pat.  CBS and the NY Times have already given him tongue-bath interviews. (Unexpectedly!)  So start your countdown clocks, because you know he’s going to blow up in their faces soon.

I just came across a group called Canary Mission, who documents and publicizes people and organizations who promote hatred of the US, Israel and Jews, and they’ve put together a great two-minute video of Mohsen spouting some soothing talking points about how his activism “is centered in the energy of love.” 

Hilariously, the video intersperses Mohsen’s assertions with video clips and pics that belie his words.  He says, “Antisemitism has no place in our movement.”  Cut to him holding a microphone wearing a keffiyeh, in the middle of three other people, under the chyron, “Mohsen surrounded by anti-Semites.”

He says, “My compassion is also for the Jewish people.”  Cut to him standing on campus, using a bullhorn to drown out a small group of students calling on Hamas to release the red-headed Bibas babies, whom they eventually murdered, along with their mother.  (In that clip, Mohsen has a hateful smirk on his face that made me wish the IDF had placed one of their pager charges in his bullhorn.)     

My favorite part of the video is when Mohsen mournfully accuses the IDF of killing six of his cousins and his uncle.  Cut to a photo lineup of scowling “Palestinian” terrorists, one of them holding an AK-47, identifying them as his cousins and uncle. 

It reminded me of a mafia movie scene in which an old gangster looks through wedding pictures.  “There’s Sammy the Bull, Fat Tony Salerno, Frankie the Blade Lucchese,  Big Paulie and Little Paulie Genovese.  All of them upstanding Italian Americans, unjustly harassed by the police!” 

I hope the Dems go all-in on dreamy peacenik Mohsen as their newest poster boy.  Then, pics of him in a suicide vest, proudly holding up a copy of Mein Kampf can show up in 3… 2… 1…

While the Dems are hot and bothered over Mohsen, they’re very worried about another one of their own, Lurch Fetterman.  Last week New York Magazine ran an alarmist story about his health, with the tagline, “John Fetterman’s Struggle:  The senator insists he is in good health.  But staffers past and present say they no longer recognize the man they once knew.” 

If you didn’t know what a left-wing rag NY Mag is, you might think that Fetterman has had another stroke, or a heart attack, or is possibly collapsing on a regular basis and bleeding from the eyes.

But if you were a certain hilarious genius with a fully functional wizard hat, you might guess that Fetterman is continuing to make more sense, which his leftist handlers regard with alarm.  And you’d be 100% right.

Expectedly!

The story actually has various members of his staff hysterically getting their dresses – or in some cases their gender non-binary onesies – over their heads because Fetterman has demonstrated such ominous signs of dementia as… wait for it… disbelieving that the IDF is bombing “Palestinian” “refugee” camps full of “innocent civilians,” and… wait for it again… considering not voting against Pete Hegseth’s nomination for SecDef! 

One of his key advisors who quit last year captures the tone of the article: “I hope Senator Fetterman gets the help he needs.”

The story is unintentionally funny, and it perfectly sums up the elite left in a nutshell: When Fetterman shuffled around like a stuttering, lobotomized mental patient who would vote for whatever they put in front of him, they praised him to the skies!  But now that he’s occasionally making sense, they think he’s lost his mind.  Perfect!  

Speaking of losing one’s mind, did you catch the CNN interview with a Sinaloa cartel member?  They put him in a disguise and altered his voice, and the interviewer talked to him as if he was an aggrieved victim of unfair accusations.  She said, “According to the Trump administration, you are a terrorist.  What do you make of that?”

The guy answered, “Well, the situation is ugly, but we have to eat.” 

Of course you do.  And of course the CNN dope didn’t push back at all.  Because who among us hasn’t been in that poor criminal’s situation?

I remember my junior year in high school, when I’d smuggled some fentanyl into study hall, shot two of my rivals execution-style, and sex trafficked several of my female classmates for cash, and I got caught.  Boy, was my dad mad when he got called down to the principal’s office with me!

But I said, “Dad, if I didn’t sell drugs, pimp out my girlfriends and assassinate my competitors, what would I do for lunch money?” 

And everyone agreed that I’d made a compelling case.  So I spent a year in juvie and missed my graduation, but four short years later I got a job as a reporter at CNN.  True story.

Anyway, I can’t believe that even CNN can be this stupid.  They hate Trump and would do anything to discredit him, but do they really believe that a violent cartel thug giving him a thumb’s down is going to help the Dems and hurt Trump?!

You keep doing you, CNN!

Hamas delenda est!

On Lawfare, Rule of Law and SCOTUS, Part 2 (posted 5/8/25)

I appreciate the many thoughtful comments on the first part of my debate responses to my lefty friend.  Here’s the second (and final part), though I’ve got a few thoughts to post on Friday, asking what many of you asked yesterday: Have any lefty acquaintances of yours ever become conservatives, and if so, did debates with conservatives influence their decision?

“I hadn’t really thought about this until the last 6 or 7 years or so, but there is only one part of our entire federal government which has no explicit checks on it, and that is SCOTUS.   

The legislative checks the executive, by passing legislation and over-riding presidential vetoes.  The executive checks the legislative through the veto, and the president controls foreign policy and the executive branch (though dozens of partisan leftist judges have said that that’s over now, if they have their way). 

The judicial branch checks the legislative and executive branches, and appellate courts check district courts, and SCOTUS can check appellate courts.  But as it stands, there is no means by which anybody – not the legislative, the executive, or lower courts – can check SCOTUS.  It is the highest court, and by definition it dictates what “the rule of law” means, based solely on how it interprets the constitution.  

That was not always the case.  In fact, SCOTUS first introduced that idea (by inference from the constitution) giving themselves that power in 1803 (in Marbury v Madison), and since the executive and legislative didn’t object or stop them, that never-voted-on arrangement hardened into the law of the land.  

Theoretically, the legislative can check SCOTUS by passing constitutional amendments.  But since post-Marbury, SCOTUS is the final authority on the constitution, in reality, it could just declare that a recent, legitimately passed amendment is actually unconstitutional, thus nullifying it.  (That’s basically what SCOTUS does every time it overturns a precedent.)

But in the real world, we know that that’s not completely true.  Because if it were, any 5 SCOTUS judges would be de facto dictators over us all.  I’ll give you two quick examples to illustrate the concept through absurd analogies.  Say you’ve got a SCOTUS with 5 far-right justices, and they say that by proposing a unitary executive, the constitution meant that the president has all the powers of a dictator.  So Trump IS a dictator from this day forward, and can declare himself president for life, abolish the right of leftists to vote, etc.

(I know: that’s actually very close to what some on the far-left believe right now, in their TDS fever dreams!)

Or consider the opposite: a SCOTUS with 5 far-left judges declares that hidden in the “emanations and penumbras” of the constitution is the never-heretofore-detected entitlement of all Americans to a utopian socialist scheme of free food, shelter, health care and education from the cradle to the grave.   (That’s actually pretty much how we got abortion as a “constitutional right.”  The Warren court “discovered” a right to privacy in 1965 in Griswold, and then eight years later, the Burger court piggy-backed – citing only “emanations and penumbra” – on that ruling to “discover” a right to abortion in Roe that no Founder or American citizen had ever found in two centuries of reading the constitution.) 

And since those entitlements would require a quasi- or fully totalitarian government to declare farmers, construction workers, doctors etc. to be indentured servants, and coerce them into growing the crops, building the housing and giving the medical care that those new “entitlements” demand – which is what happened in every socialist/communist state to a greater or lesser degree – SCOTUS could declare that we are henceforth a communist country, and personal freedom has been abolished.

What those absurd examples tell us is that the only real check on SCOTUS’s power is the large-scale consent of the voters.  Because while SCOTUS has no theoretical checks on its power, it also has no enforcement mechanisms for its rulings.  The executive and legislative have police, courts and military power to enforce their laws on people, and they do so regularly.  SCOTUS has nothing, unless the executive and legislative voluntarily subject themselves to its rulings, and then force them on the people.

This has happened multiple times, the most famous being when Lincoln suspended habeas corpus for four years during the Civil War.  The Taney court said he couldn’t legally do that, and told him to stop it. And he said, “I’m a Republican president, and I’m going to defeat the Democrats and free their slaves, and I’m not going to let your rulings stop me, so suck it, Trebek.”  Or words to that effect.

The concept underlying this idea was probably best stated by Andrew Jackson, when he forced the movement of Indians on the Trail of Tears, despite the Marshall SCOTUS ruling that that action was unconstitutional.  Jackson allegedly (and it appears, likely apocryphally) said, “John Marshall has made his decision, now let him enforce it.”  Whether Jackson actually said that or not, those words did capture his attitude – and what actually happened – when nobody enforced the SCOTUS ruling, and the Indians got screwed. 

Many commentators on both sides regularly accuse presidents on the other side of blatantly defying the court.  Many conservatives and independents said that Obama’s DACA and DAPA actions, for example – unilaterally changing immigration law without legitimate legislation from congress – were blatantly unconstitutional.  And Obama agreed, admitting dozens of times in public that he couldn’t legally do that without action from congress…right up until he did it!  (I don’t like that guy!)  SCOTUS eventually allowed a 5th circuit ruling saying DACA and DAPA were both unconstitutional to stand – which again, Obama and everybody else knew had always been the case.

But Obama – and Biden after him, on all the examples I gave you in my last email – both defiantly said, “The constitution says X, but let somebody enforce it.”  In all those cases, SCOTUS eventually did slap them down, and they only then stopped defying the law.  But by then, they’d gotten what they’d wanted, and nobody was able to reverse their illegally gotten gains: Biden won the midterms (in part) by illegally pushing student debt transfer to the taxpayers, and he forced millions to take an experimental vaccine against their will, and he forced landlords to take losses and give free rent to tenants for 8 months before he belatedly stopped.  And over a decade since Obama knowingly defied the constitution to keep illegals here through DACA and DAPA, many millions of them are STILL here.

And like psycho kids who kill their parents and then ask for mercy from the court because they are now orphans (!), the Democrats are now insisting that the DACA and DAPA illegals must be allowed to stay, since they’ve been here so long, and have now established roots in America.  (That takes some balls!) 

Which brings us to today, and the hundred-plus legal actions against Trump, and the troubling possible outcomes of them.  The lefties are saying that every action that Trump takes is creating a “constitutional crisis.”  Conservatives and some independents are saying that the lawfare being waged against every presidential action is essentially giving 677 local judges the power to totally paralyze the executive branch – a result that has never happened before, and was never contemplated in the constitution – and is what’s causing a “constitutional crisis.”

I think there’s a chance that these will become self-fulfilling prophecies.  I’m hoping that SCOTUS rules correctly, and allows Trump to do what all presidents before him have done: control budget and personnel in the executive branch; enforce immigration and civil rights laws as written, etc. 

But if SCOTUS doesn’t do that, I think Trump – or most presidents, really – could possibly follow the examples of Lincoln and Andrew Jackson, and say, “Roberts has made his ruling, now let him enforce it.”  And then that would REALLY be a constitutional crisis. 

The reason I think that could happen is the crucial difference between now and the earlier examples: Trump would have the consent of the majority of the governed.   It’s true that Biden and Obama both eventually did submit to the SCOTUS rulings.  But they only violated the law in the first place because they knew that they couldn’t have gotten what they wanted legitimately, because the majority of the public was against what they wanted to do.  And they only belatedly submitted in the end because they’d gotten what they wanted, and because public outrage would have produced the crisis that their continuing lawlessness would have justly brought down on them.

Trump, on the other hand – and I know you hate his guts, and think he’s wrong about everything – is doing everything he ran on, and that the majority of the voters want.  (In fact, even though he’s always been a divisive figure personally – because of his tendency toward assholery! – achieving personal approval ratings of 50/50ish at best, his major campaign promises all received majority polling approval.) 

During the campaign, he clearly laid out the agenda that the dozens of leftist mini-president judges are now thwarting.  He said he would close the border and build a wall; deport the illegals, fight DEI, etc.

I’m not saying that popular approval means everything, and that the majority should get everything it wants.  (At one time, majorities in the south wanted slavery, majorities approved of mistreating Indians, and of FDR penning up Japanese Americans, etc.)

But I think the far left of the Democrat party – and their partisan judges – are effectively arguing that majority will means NOTHING, if it goes against their own political preferences.  The people may have voted to enforce the border, protect women, cut bureaucracy, and all the rest, but they can pound sand, because a few dozen local judges know better. 

And that’s NOT the way our system is supposed to work, or has ever worked!

It’s not about Trump, man!  It’s about us, and what we voted for.  (And by we, I don’t mean just conservatives, but also the independents who won him the election, and the higher number of blacks, Hispanics, married women, and young people than any Republican president has won in over 40 years!)  Those of us who loathed Biden – and those who gave him a chance, but quickly soured on his nasty, incompetent governing and obvious mental deficiencies – weren’t happy, but we didn’t riot for months like antifa and BLM, and we didn’t try to assassinate him.  Most of us thought the election had been rigged, but we couldn’t prove that it had been stolen, so that’s the way it goes.  He won a narrow victory, so he got to set the agenda, and we had to live to fight another day. 

Well, now it’s another day, and we played by the rules, and we won.  Convincingly, if narrowly in the popular vote.  But now we’re told that we can’t get what he ran on, because it makes the other side mad?   To quote Dr. Evil, “How about NO!” 

I think that defying the will of the majority of the people in that way is dangerous, and I think that what Schumer illegally threatened to do to judges who defied his will could eventually happen to the far left: they’re sowing the wind, and they might end up reaping the whirlwind. 

I REALLY don’t want that to happen, and because I’m fundamentally an optimist, I don’t think that it will.  But the Boasberg-types on the district courts are playing with fire.

To wrap up (finally! 😊), I think a healthy fear of the kinds of tensions I’ve just summarized is part of what underlies the conservative/originalist view of the constitution and SCOTUS: judges should be humble, and do their best to rule based on what the constitution says, regardless of their own political preferences.   (Thus conservative judges often vote against their own politics, as when Scalia upheld flag burning, even though he repeatedly said that he’d love to see it outlawed, etc.) 

The progressive judicial view, on the other hand, is “the living constitution” theory, which holds that since society is always evolving, SCOTUS should be willing to change our laws to reflect that evolution.  (Sarcastic jerks like me call this the “just make shit up” approach. 😊) And they don’t mean to do that through constitutional amendments, the way the mostly conservative, genius Founders set things up – which is very difficult to do, b/c it involves that pesky “respecting democracy” stuff — but through fiat, by the diktat of 5 legislators in robes.

Two quick examples of that: Before Roe, the entire nation was working through the issue of abortion on a traditional, consent-of-the-governed, federalist basis: conservative states were passing laws to make abortions harder to get, and liberal ones were making them easier.  But then SCOTUS stepped in and short-circuited the democratic process, and dictated a poorly reasoned and controversial new “law of the land,” forcing it down on all 50 states.

The Obergefell decision in 2015 did the same thing with gay marriage.  Laws on that issue were being proposed, debated and voted on in many states. (And, infuriatingly to progressives, usually being voted down, even in deep-blue CA.)  Then SCOTUS stepped in, “discovered” that the Founders and the constitution had always wanted gay marriage everywhere, and forced that decision on all 50 states. 

Interestingly, I think the intervening years have proven that even though both of those decisions were arrived at in an unconstitutional and wrong way, one of them has the democratic approval of the voters, and the other does not.  Obergefell is the former: society was evolving toward more tolerance of gay marriage, and many if not most states would likely have approved it by now anyway.

(In fact, even in 2015, a reasonable, democratic compromise was being worked out.  “Civil union” laws were being passed that stopped discrimination against gays in relationships – not recognizing their marital rights in divorce or inheritance, or their right to ‘next of kin/spousal privileges’ in health care situations, etc. – without coercing the majority into calling that “marriage,” when marriage had never meant that before.  That seems like a reasonable, compassionate way to work out some differences without screwing with people you disagree with.  And it was interrupted by an arrogant court who acted like a legislature – a fundamental breach of our Founding and constitutional law – and created a new law.)

How do I know that Obergefell has democratic approval, despite the legally illegitimate way it was forced on us?  Because even though it’s only 10 years old, and many millions of Americans still don’t accept the validity of calling gay unions “marriage,” there have been no serious challenges or widespread social unrest over it.  The country has accepted it and moved on.

The Roe court did the same thing – legislating from the bench in a way that invalidated the many state legislative debates about abortion that were going on, and dictating to the entire nation by making up a new, foundational law that had never existed before.  But the reaction was the opposite of that to Obergefell: that law was fought over and challenged constantly for 50 years, with no signs of passions diminishing.  Every January, millions of Americans protested in frigid temps in DC in the March for Life, which mourned the anniversary of the Roe decision.  And finally, after half a century, a quasi-originalist/conservative court undid the Roe mistake (IMHO), in Dobbs.

I know that most progressives are still outraged because they think that Dobbs “banned abortion.”  But of course it did nothing of the sort!  It just sent abortion back to the states, where it belonged.  And the enthusiasm for abortion rights in most blue states has given Dems a lot of electoral victories over the GOP in the last 3 years, and by some counts, there are more abortions happening now that there were before Dobbs.  (Which I find depressing, as democratic outcomes often are.)

The result of Dobbs can best be summarized in a political cartoon I saw in its aftermath: an  angry pro-choice crowd is confronting the SCOTUS justices.  Their screams are in a speech bubble: “5 judges should not be allowed to dictate abortion law!”  And a thought bubble over the 5 quasi-originalist judges says, “That’s exactly what we just said!” 

So I think Dobbs resulted in a just outcome: conservative states in which voters believe that abortion after viability – or 15 weeks, or 6 weeks, or whatever the voters decide – is infanticide-adjacent have banned later term abortions, with the big 3 exceptions.  Progressive states, in which voters believe that a baby is part of the mother’s body rather than a separate entity, or at least that a mother’s choice supersedes those of a fetus/zygote/tissue mass/baby (?), have passed laws that allow abortion – in 9 states plus DC, right up until the moment of birth!  (I almost can’t believe that that is true, but in AK, OR, CO, NM, MN, MI, MD, NJ and VT, if a doctor can get a scalpel into a baby’s skull before it crowns out of the birth canal, that killing is totally legal!)

As a conservative, and a sinful, flawed follower of Uncle Jesus, I appreciate our federalist system, which allows me to not violate my conscience on this issue.  I am free to (and will) never live in a blue state that would force me to tolerate (and pay for) abortions after viability, which I believe is murder. 

Similarly, progressives are free to never live in a red state governed by laws passed by troglodyte, evil, patriarchal fascists like me (in their view 😊) who would prevent them from aborting their babies at will.

In this fallen world, I think that is the best possible outcome we’re likely to ever get.  Especially when the alternative is to allow arrogant judges to force everyone to violate their consciences based on those judges’ whims, and/or whoever controls the White House and congress on any given day.” 

On Lawfare, Rule of Law, and SCOTUS, Part 1 (posted 5/7/25)

If you missed my column on Monday, I mentioned that I’d be posting parts of a debate I’ve been having with a good old friend of mine who is a committed lefty.  I value his friendship – and that of a handful of other long-time leftist friends – in part because knowing him reminds me that everybody on the other side isn’t like the morally bankrupt dullards who make up the elite left, and run the national Democrat party!

There are good Democrats out there, and we shouldn’t be enemies, or let our differences end friendships.  (Unless they make that choice by demanding our agreement with, or submission to, their ideas.)  Their arguments can clarify issues, sharpen our thinking, and sometimes change our minds. 

And while life is too short to get upset over politics, a spirited debate with a good-faith interlocutor who is open to reasonable argument is one of the pleasures of a well-rounded life.  So I thought I’d post some excerpts in the hopes that at least some in CO nation will find this discussion interesting.

I’ve done some editing to remove some personal information and summarize some context, and my friend’s framing of the issues.  (So this won’t really be a debate, as much as my half of it, responding to the topics he raises.)    

This discussion started with him advancing the idea that Trump has repeatedly acted lawlessly, citing the many court cases against him in 2023-24, his conviction on so many counts in the Stormy Daniels case, and especially his defiance of SCOTUS and resistance to giving due process to many deportees, and especially Kilmar Garcia.  And he ended his email to me with a rhetorical challenge as to whether I think everyone should follow “the rule of law.”

I discussed the many flaws in the lawfare cases against Trump, but I agreed with him that Trump would have been better served just bringing Kilmar back – but only to a detention center, where he would get a quickie hearing confirming the original two judges’ decision that he was here illegally, and associated with MS-13.  Then he could be immediately re-deported, but just not to the CECOT prison.

What follows are my thoughts on the “rule of law” as national Democrats are using it, and then on the way Biden and Obama adhered (or didn’t) to the rule of law:   

“Moving on to something that I think we might only mostly agree on, but you can tell me: yes, we should abide by the rule of law.  But as a blanket statement, that hides several types of complications that I’m sure neither one of us would agree to.  To take the most glaring type of examples: If you and I were alive in 1858, the law of the land included the Fugitive Slave Act (1850) and the Dred Scott decision (1857), which meant that blacks could never be citizens, and if an escaped slave made it to your farmhouse, you’d be required to hold him at gunpoint and give him back to his master.  A century later, we’d both have to accept segregated schools, because “separate but equal” was the law of the land until Brown v Board of Education changed it.  And Lincoln famously suspended one of the central legal concepts in our system, habeas corpus (for years, and in contravention of multiple specific rulings from the Taney SCOTUS that he had no authority to do so), when the alternative was to make it harder to fight the South.

So neither of us would accept “submit to the rule of law” as a universal statement.  I’m obviously not comparing any action of Trump or any of our courts now to Dred or Brown.  I’m just pointing out that the rhetorical question, “do you believe in rule of law or not?” creates a false binary that you would not accept 100% any more than I would.

But let me get to a relevant, real-world application of the rule of law idea.  Over 100 legal cases have been filed, and district court judges’ TRO’s have been put on practically every action Trump has taken (from hiring and firing in the executive branch, to enforcing our immigration laws, to stopping Harvard from allowing bullies to violate our civil rights laws in their attacks on Jews, to stopping biological males from going into women’s sports, showers and bathrooms) which is unprecedented.

By comparison, I think I remember that the first TRO ever filed by a district court judge in US history was in the mid-1960s, and the total injunctions against all presidents before this year is around 100.  (As I understand it, before then, nobody ever thought that a local judge – one of 677 nationwide – had the authority to dictate legal and political action in the entire country.  I’m not sure how or why that understanding, which seems like commonsense to me, has morphed into our current situation, in which we now have 677 unelected, de facto shadow presidents who can dictate nationwide policy and paralyze the executive branch, potentially for months or years on end.)  In other words, more have been filed in Trump’s first 90 days than were filed in all of prior US history.

The right-wing commentariat sees that as proof that the left is engaging in a defiant, lawless wave of “lawfare” and an assault on democracy, since it is meant to deny a legitimately elected president whom they hate the ability to carry out the constitutionally prescribed duties of the chief executive.

The left-wing commentariat sees that as proof of Trump’s lawlessness.  “Look at all of that smoke – there has to be a fire there!  These judges are only taking their constitutionally sanctioned jobs seriously, and checking an executive whom they believe is ignoring the rule of law.”  In fact, most of the legacy media lefties are treating the amount of judges ruling (temporarily) against Trump as prima facie evidence that he’s in the wrong.

I think that’s a fair summary of the two sides’ positions, and there are two ways to decide who is closer to right.  The one that we should all do as citizens is to look at the cases and the arguments, and use our God-given reason to evaluate the evidence to come to a conclusion.  (I expect that you and I will do a lot of this in the coming weeks or months, and I look forward to it!)

But the one way that matters most in the real world is obviously what happens when all of these cases are settled, either at the appellate level or the SCOTUS level. If the lawyers you cited a couple months ago are right, and Trump loses the vast majority of these cases on appeal or at SCOTUS, and he then defies those rulings, you’ll be able to say that he’s violating the rule of law, possibly even as much as Biden did.  (More on that below.) 

If, on the other hand, I’m right, and Trump wins the majority of these cases – either because an appellate court found for him and SCOTUS didn’t take it up on appeal, or because lower courts found against him and SCOTUS reversed them – will you then agree that “the rule of law” dictates that you and all of the progressives in the nation cannot legally prevent Trump from carrying out Obama-style deportations, streamlining executive agencies, protecting women from biological males in sports and bathrooms, forcing the Ivy League to either comply with federal civil rights laws or lose federal funds, etc.? 

I’m going to guess that’s a hard NO! 😊 If so, will you then be a proud conscientious objector to “the rule of law?”  And if that’s the case, are you sure that you’re as devoted to the rule of law as you’ve thought you were?  I’m not trying to irritate you, but I think that’s worth contemplating.

0-0-0

Finally, I share some of your concerns about the role of SCOTUS, but I’d like to save that for my next email.  Instead, I’d like to end with 4 examples (not counting Biden’s systematic breaking of our immigration laws) of issues on which Biden and the Dems have openly violated and flouted SCOTUS rulings, and see how many of them you agree with me on.  I’m not bringing them up to make a tu quoque argument, but to explore your ideas about rule of law.

The four issues are: illegal student loan “forgiveness,” forced covid vaccine use, illegal eviction moratoria, and sanctuary city/state violations of the supremacy clause.  I’ve summarized them, but if you already know them well, you can just skim to the bottom.

1. The student loan “forgiveness” program.  This was obviously popular with a couple of groups who are (unexpectedly!) a big part of the Democrat support base: students who had school loans, and universities who would profit greatly from more students attending in the belief they would be able to stick the taxpayers with the bill.

If Biden wanted to do this legitimately, he could have tried to get a bill passed through congress and then sign it.  But he knew that he couldn’t do that, because the majority of Americans hated the idea. (That pesky democracy again!) So he acted unilaterally, and simply declared that many billions of dollars of school debt was no longer the responsibility of those who had borrowed it and benefited from it, but of the taxpayers.  He first attempted to do it in August of 2022, and even NPR admitted that “its warm reception by younger voters may have contributed to Democrats’ better than expected showing in the midterms.”

Of course Biden didn’t care that this cynical, illegal vote-buying scheme was clearly unconstitutional – it helped him stop a GOP “red wave.”  And by the time SCOTUS shot it down (duh!) in June of 2023, he’d unethically gotten the result he wanted.  But Biden still didn’t abide by the rule of law; instead, he pushed the work-around SAVE act, which tried to do the same thing, except by instituting an income-based repayment plan, with a shortened time until the remaining balance would be forgiven.  (The result was the same: billions of debt transferred from those who owed it to those who didn’t!)  

By August of 2024, that plan too had been stopped by appellate courts, and SCOTUS finally killed it on the same grounds as before: a president isn’t a king who can unilaterally stick a bunch of poor and working-class people with the debts voluntarily taken out by generally richer college graduates. 

And rather than accepting that the courts had gone against him, Biden demonized the GOP and the courts, accusing them of “literally snatching from the hands of millions of Americans thousands of dollars of student debt relief that was about to change their lives.  These Republican officials just couldn’t bear the thought of providing relief for working class and middle class Americans.”

Ugh!  You can’t get more dishonest than telling people that the GOP wouldn’t let him “forgive their student debt,” when he knew damn well that he couldn’t legally do that.   If that wasn’t bad enough, he then bragged about defying the rule of law: “The Supreme Court blocked us.  But that didn’t stop us.  We continued to find ways to reduce student payments.”

2.  Biden and the Dems did the same thing with the covid vaccine mandates.  In 2022 – over a year after we knew for certain that the vax did not prevent you from getting it or spreading it, and after a lot of evidence of the danger of sometimes deadly and often lifetime-injury-causing heart damage (myocarditis and pericarditis) in young people, especially males – Biden rammed through a requirement forcing federal employees to take the experimental shot or lose their jobs.  (No more spouting off about “my body, my choice!”)  He also tried to force large private employers to coerce their employees to take the shot.  Even as he was doing that, he admitted that SCOTUS might say that it was unconstitutional…but he did it anyway.  Eventually SCOTUS slapped down those policies, but not until millions of healthy people had been strong-armed into submitting.

3. When he first came into office, Biden pushed a moratorium on tenants having to pay rent for a few months, and then he extended it for 3 more months.  At least he tried to use congress to pay for this, though he only secured $25 billion in aid, which was already $80 billion short of what was needed to cover the rent that tenants had stopped paying by late spring.  A responsible pol would have either gone back for more cash, or else told the public the free rent had to stop.  Instead, Biden extended his federal eviction moratorium that Congress had NOT authorized (and which was clearly unconstitutional on its face) and that he knew wouldn’t be paid for, forcing landlords to allow their tenants to squat in their properties for the foreseeable future.

As you can imagine, that was personal for me, since it threatened to bankrupt me.  I know some lefties loved the idea of poorer tenants getting to stick it to “rich” landlords, except that many small landlords like me rely on rents being paid to survive.  (Not to mention the fact that stealing is wrong, even if you empathize with the thief and hate his victim!)  And of course the Dems didn’t force the REALLY rich –  huge corporations like Deutsche Bank, Chase, Bank of America, etc. – to take it in the shorts.  Only guys like me.

So my tenants could tell me to suck it, and sit in my houses without paying.  But I didn’t get a “mortgage moratorium” – if I had stopped paying my mortgages to Chase for six months, they’d have taken my houses from me. 

SCOTUS finally ruled the obvious way in June of 2021, ordering the Dems to stop boning landlords.  So what did the “Rule of Law” party do?  (Can you tell this example gets me especially pissed? 😊)  They told SCOTUS to stick it, and kept screwing landlords for three more months, forcing them to apply for emergency relief, which SCOTUS finally gave them in a pointed opinion at the end of August, after 8 months of Biden-caused losses.  

(I didn’t have any losses, because I live in a state with a great governor who declared that squatting wasn’t going to work in Florida.  And because I’ve got good tenants.  And because any tenants who tried to stiff me would have seen the murder in my eyes, as well as the likelihood that I’d burn my own property down before I’d let some deadbeat squat in it.  Because: Appalachia!)

4. The sanctuary city/state policies that many progressive local governments have are also clearly illegal as well.  But when some GOP governors and pols (and now Trump) started talking about withholding federal funds to get compliance, the progressives said that the GOP was the law violator.  Because sanctuary cities should be able to break federal laws at will, while still being entitled to full funding from the government whose laws they are breaking, I guess?

This despite a lot of precedent from the 1970s and 80s, in which multiple SCOTUS rulings said that the federal government could withhold federal highway funds (for one example) to coerce states into following federal wishes (not even laws, but just things the feds wanted!), e.g. changing speed limits or drinking ages to ones the feds approved of. 

In all of the above cases, when SCOTUS – not a partisan lower court judge, but the highest court – ruled against lefty wishes, Biden and Dems showed no respect for the rule of law.  He defied one ruling after another, demonized SCOTUS on student loan “forgiveness,” said that the vax ruling was “a mistake,” and also smeared the obviously correct affirmative action/racial discrimination ruling against Harvard as evidence that “this is not a normal court.” 

And I don’t remember Chris Van Hollen or any other national Democrat excoriating Biden for flouting the rule of law! (In fact, Chuck Schumer directly threatened SCOTUS judges whose rulings he didn’t like: “You’ll never know what hit you, Gorsuch and Kavanaugh, you’ll reap the whirlwind…”)”

Okay, this hasn’t been my usual snark-fest of a column, but I’m curious to hear CO nation’s thoughts. 

For those who are willing to persevere, I’ll post more tomorrow, this time on the likelihood of an actual “constitutional crisis” if this lawfare persists…

Hamas delenda est!

Tim Walz Thinks He Can Talk to Regular Guys, & a Greek Lady Blows Herself Up (Posted 5/5/25)

I’ve got a hodge podge of stories for you this Monday, starting with the results from Friday’s semi-final round of the April Moron of the Month competition.  This vote was the closest so far, with Chris Van Halen edging out the broke baristas and Grandma Squanto to move on from the southern division.

So the competition has come down to four finalists, in reverse chronological order: 

Chris Van Hollen in his role as a dim-witted Juliet with a school-girl crush on brooding, gang-banging wife-beater Kilmar “Romeo” Garcia

Michelle Obama for her performance as a narcissist, and also a bitter, angry, black woman upset by the stereotype of black women as angry and bitter  

Elie Mystal, a racist, public “intellectual” who apparently thinks the constitution was written after 1965, and

Jasmine “Lashes” Crockett, another thick-as-a-whale-omelette racist who thought she was taking the moral high ground by arguing that we should allow illegals to stay here because… wait for it… we need them to be our slaves! 

If you need to refresh your memory on the finalists, you can see their nominating write-ups in four of my April columns, available at Martinsimpsonwriting.com.  Get your votes in this week, and I’ll announce the winner on Friday.  

Among the many worthy contestants I could have written about as April MOM contestants was former VP candidate Tim Walz, who recently gave a speech at Harvard (because of course he did) that touched on why Que Mala chose him as her VP pick. 

You’ve all heard his explanation: “I could code talk to white guys watching football, fixing their truck, doing that, that I could put them at ease.  I was the permission structure to say, ‘Look, you can… vote for this.”

Or maybe we can’t.

I don’t claim to be King of the White Guys with pickup trucks who like football – though I am a member of the Ruling Council – but phony phrases like “code talking” are just the kind of idiotic language that we laugh at during our Council meetings. 

The word “code” implies some mysterious language, shared by a small in-group that is opaque to the larger world.  It calls to mind secret writing in invisible ink, Enigma machines, or Navajo code-talkers who outfoxed our enemies in WWII by using their obscure dialect that no outsiders could understand.

But men are almost half of the population, and we’re not particularly mysterious.  A thousand hack comics have done a thousand cliched bits about the limited set of interests – in addition to the aforementioned football and pickup trucks – that most men have: ancient Rome, World War II, action movies, women with a .7 waist-to-hip ratio and who like men, and 2-3 items from the following list: fishing, hunting, MMA, booze, cigars, and guns. 

Even when it comes to politics, we’re pretty predictable.  Give us lower taxes, law and order, free speech, merit-based rules, men kept out of women’s sports and spaces, and the right to shoot criminals who try to victimize us, and we’re good. 

Did you notice some of the stuff NOT on that list?

Jazz hands, crazy wives, tampons in men’s bathrooms, struggling to load a shotgun as if you’d never seen a shotgun before, and abandoning your National Guard unit right before you’re supposed to deploy with them to a war zone.  

Oh, and you know what NO pick-up driving, football-watching white guy would EVER seek from a theatre-kid, Temu Midwestern guy weirdo in a million years? 

“Permission” to vote the way we want to.

Which leaves only one thing we agree with Tim Walz about: he’s a knucklehead.

From Greece comes a new entry in the “Stupid Criminals” category:  

I have not kept up on a lot of current events in Greece, but apparently they’ve got a problem with crime, just like everywhere else.  Some of that problem comes from radical leftist groups who think that using violence to achieve their political ends is justified. 

Unexpectedly!

One such group calling itself Revolutionary Class Struggle – I hereby subtract 10 points for lack of originality – has recently decided to start bombing public buildings such as train stations.  One of their suspected members, a 38-year-old woman with a criminal record, carried out another bombing last Saturday morning.  

Her target was a bank building’s ATM.  She was apparently a firm believer in the old Greek saying, “Αν θέλετε κάτι να γίνει σωστά, κάντε το μόνοι σας.”  (“If you want something done right, do it yourself.”)

Because she took the bomb to the bank herself.  Unfortunately for her, just when she got to the site, she experienced the heartbreak of premature detonation.  She was carrying the bomb in her hands when it went off, and was so badly wounded that she was rushed to a nearby ancient amphitheater, where she died dramatically on stage.

Just kidding.  She was taken to a hospital and died there.  

No security video from the ATM has been released, but I’m guessing it sounded something like this:

“iii laos, enomenos, den mporei pote na ittithei – mpoum!”

Translation: “The people, united, can never be defeat—Boom!”

Followed by: “och!  ta car mou!  metaniono amesos gia tis apophases mou!”

Translation: “Ouch!  My hands!  I immediately regret my decisions!”

You may be wondering, “Martin, do you think your old Greek professor would be proud of you using English-to-Greek translation software to make fun of a leftist Greek terrorist getting blown up by her own bomb, instead of translating Aristotle, or the New Testament?”

Fine.  You got me.  I’m a complicated man, and though I love Greek philosophy and the New Testament, I’m also not above enjoying a little Three-Stooges-style illustration of the “you reap what you sow” verses.   

Especially when it comes at the expense of a would-be terrorist who apparently knew as little about bombs as Tim Walz knows about shotguns.

And just like the citizens of California, and New York, and Illinois, and other blue states and cities all over the world, that Greek gal learned a valuable, universal lesson: leftist plans tend to blow up in your face!

Okay, that’s it for my Monday column. 

Over the next several days, I’m going to post a few columns that are unusual for me.  I’ve been corresponding with several lefty friends, and one of them challenged me on the question of rule of law, and what I think of Trump’s defying SCOTUS in getting Kilmar back from El Salvador.  I gave him my thoughts, but also pointed out the many ways that Biden (and Obama) have defied the rule of law and the courts.

I then got to thinking about the nature of SCOTUS, and the ways in which its past and recent actions could potentially lead to an actual “constitutional crisis” – unlike the faux ones that the left imagines every time Trump does something they don’t like.

The result is several columns’ worth of my more-sober-than-usual thoughts on the courts.  I’ll be interested in seeing what many in CO nation think of those, and especially what any lawyers here may add, in terms of corrections and explanations…

Hamas delenda est!

The Final April Moron of the Month Nominees (posted 5/2/25)

Now that May is here, it’s time to complete the April Moron of the Month nominations.  For this final round, we have three nominees from the southern division.  Next week I’ll put the four “winners” from all divisions up to a full vote of CO Nation.

Our first nominee today arose during the raging debate about whether Trump should be allowed to do what all presidents before him were allowed to do – i.e. deport people who came here illegally.  In their zeal to jump on a political grenade, and thus cling like grim death to the 5% side of a 95-5 political issue, the Dems scoured the countryside to find what I’ve called “a self-detonating hero.”

First they picked Mahmoud Khalil, the pro-Hamas activist at Columbia.  But since he was here on a student visa, he wasn’t a good pawn for the Dems who were trying to scare Americans that American citizens could be deported next.  So they went looking for an innocent, sympathetic American citizen whom Trump’s Gestapo illegally deported…annnnnndddd… they couldn’t find one. 

Because they’re lying, and Trump isn’t deporting squeaky clean seminarians who are also American citizens. 

So they eventually landed on Kilmar Abrego Garcia and said, “Close enough.  He’s married to an American citizen and has a couple of citizen kids, so we’ll call him a ‘Maryland father’ and lean in on the pathos.”

This struck many elected Dems as a great idea, and one of them elbowed his way to the front of that low-IQ pack.  This man, and today’s first nominee, is Senator Chris Van Hollen, a man so bland that even a political junkie like me could not have recognized his face or his name a month ago.  (And I remember that Senator Flat-Top from Montana who just lost was named Jon Tester.)

If you had put a gun to my head in March and said, “Tell me who Chris Van Hollen is or I’ll blow your head off!” I would have immediately started flop-sweating and guessing. 

“Um, the black guy who’s reasonable about 10% of the time?” (No, that’s Van Jones.)

“Uh, the great Irish singer?” (That’s Van Morrison.)

“Okay… that space thing?” (You mean the Van Allen Belt?)

“The classical pianist?” (That’s Van Cliburn.)

“Just shoot me already!”

And, scene.

Anyway, this mediocre man took one look at Kilmar the tattooed wife beater (allegedly) (but c’mon!), and saw his big chance.  He ran in front of the cameras and began to pontificate.  “Donald Trump’s midnight kidnapping and subsequent illegal deportation of my constituent Kilmar cannot be allowed to stand!  I am going to go to El Salvador myself, and demand to see him!”

And the reporters all looked at each other.  Then one said, “And you are?”

And Van Hollen drew himself up to his full height – probably 5’5”, though I haven’t checked – and said, “Senator Chris Van Hollen!”

After a long moment of blank stares, one reporter pointed to him and said, “Ooh!  Were you the drummer, when Eddie was shredding on the guitar and Roth was the front man?!”

“Um, no.  That was Alex Van Halen.  I’m Chris Van Hollen.”

And the reporters gave a disappointed groan.  “Awwww.”

But they soon realized that they might be able to use what’s-his-name to hurt Trump, if it turned out that Kilmar had been tortured in El Salvador.  So they encouraged his delusions of relevance, and followed him south. 

You know the rest.  Van Hollen flew to El Salvador, bloviated for the cameras, and eventually got to go on a dream date with everyone’s favorite Maryland man.  

They stared deep into each other’s eyes, while Van Hollen stroked Kilmar’s hand — although that may have been to try to cover up the gang tattoos – while Kilmar whispered in a throaty Spanish accent, “My turn-ons are long walks on the beach, giving my wife a pop when she gets a little mouthy, and human trafficking.  My turn-offs are the rule of law and Hulk Homan™.”

It was a PR disaster.  (Unexpectedly!)

Within two weeks, Van Hollen went from total unknown, to vaguely recognizable opportunist, to political poison.  When several elected Dems with ten-cent heads followed in his footsteps and flew to El Salvador a few days later, the party leaders had a fit.  Hakeem Jeffries had to make a humiliating public statement: No more going to El Salvador, you morons.  

Our second nominee is an old favorite: the Pale Pawnee, the Translucent Tonkawa, the Land o’ Lakes Butter Maiden come to life… Grandma Squanto Warren!  (#wemustneverstopmockingher)

She might have qualified based on one tweet alone, from April 21st.  She was responding to Trump’s announcement that student loan repayment was going to re-start, after 5 years of using covid as an excuse for embracing dead-beat borrower status. 

This was one of Trump’s most popular actions, and a smart politician would have kept her powder dry on this one.  Or I guess in her case, her arrows quivered?

But not “Ghost Dances with Entitlement.”  She fired off this tweet: “This decision is all about punishing student loan borrowers.  Instead of lowering costs, Trump wants to take money out of your grandma’s Social Security check.”

What can you even say about that?  Other than, “Shameless!” and “Feh!”  Insisting that borrowers pay what they owe is “punishing them?”  And why drag grandma and her social security check into this?

But that wasn’t Warren’s low-light of the month.  Because that came in the podcast interview she did with a guy named Sam Fragoso — and if you haven’t seen it, you should. 

Fragoso comes across as a non-threatening presence – he’s got the vibe of somebody who might be halfway through a transition, and I’m not sure which direction he’s going in.  But he has enough integrity to at least push back when Warren is obviously lying.

The topic was Biden’s mental condition, and when Fragoso asked if she regretted saying that “Biden had a mental acuity” and “a sharpness to him,” Lizzie tried.  After an awkward pause, she said, “I said what I believed to be true.”

When Fragoso gently followed up, “Do you think he was as sharp as you?” it caught her by surprise.  She let the mask slip for a moment, and almost laughed at that absurd idea, before salvaging a careful, “I…said that… I had not seen a decline.”

A few seconds later, she gave it the old war-path try: “The thing is… he… Look. He was sharp, he was on his feet, I saw him, live event—”

Fragoso once again showed more integrity than the MSM hacks she is used to dealing with, because he interrupted her with a little sarcasm: “Senator, ‘on his feet’ is not praise!  He can speak in sentences is not praise.”

And Liz visibly crumbled, shaking her head and grimacing guiltily.  “All right.  Fair enough, fair enough.” 

Her surrender couldn’t have been more clear if she had recited the last lines of her ancestor, Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce’s famous surrender speech: “Hear me, my chiefs; my heart is sick and sad.  From where the sun now stands, I will fight no more forever.”

Of course, she’s a phony politician, and her interviewer is sympathetic to the leftist cause.  So when she followed with the lamest rhetorical escape attempt – saying, “The question is… what are we going to do now?” Fragoso said okay, and let her move on to talking about how the Dems are going to resist Trump. 

But for that brief, shining moment, she looked as dumb as she had when she proudly announced that her DNA test proved that she was Native American

.0000023 % Native American!

My final nominee is a departure, in that it is not an individual, but a group: the baristas who work at a small, upscale chain of Minnesota coffee shops called Café Ceres. 

Last fall, the coffee-slingers at all four locations voted to unionize, and then started a six-month negotiation.  Though they ended up earning in the range of $25-30 an hour with tips, plus 80% coverage of their insurance premiums, that was not enough.  They also demanded “a role in managing the business” including deciding where the chain sourced its milk, and the right to wear pro-Hamas pins at work. 

Annnnddddd…the owners said screw it, and closed the business.  (Unexpectedly!)

To which the only reasonable response is one firm blast from the sad trombone (Wah, wahhhh!), followed by a chorus of, “Ha! HA! HA HA!  HA HA HA!”

The denouement of this episode of “FAFO Comes to Breakfast” was a hilariously tone-deaf and delusional press release from the entitled workers, after they discovered that the real minimum wage is zero:

“We bargained with the company for 6 months, fighting them each step of the way to include immigration protections, fair wages, healthcare, and to secure DEI values…. We’re devastated…. We’re now faced with the harsh reality of finding new work and making last minute plans to stay secure.” 

You mean that your employer wasn’t eager to put up with your stupid DEI values, just for the privilege of trying to manage a group of surly employees who “fight them every step of the way?”   The hell you say!

They’ve got one thing right, though: they are now facing harsh reality. 

And if they can actually look in a mirror, and learn from this experience – throwing the pro-Hamas pin in the trash would also be a good move – it might not be too late for some of them to avoid that particular circle of Dante’s Inferno that they had been heading for.

I’m speaking, of course, of the Circle of the Bitter, Entitled, Leftist Cat Ladies.

Because as their former employers and boyfriends who dodged that bullet warn anyone willing to listen, “Abandon all hope, ye who enter there!”

Okay CO nation, place your votes…

…and Hamas delenda est!