This story is a couple of weeks old – which feels like years, in this media environment – but it contains too much hilarity and valuable lessons to not comment on it before it disappears from our memory completely.
This spring, an American organization called the Gaza Humanitarian Fund (GHF) was formed, and it soon got the backing of the Trump administration and the Israeli government to start trucking food into Gaza and distributing it to the Palestinians. Before then, the food distribution had been handled primarily by the UN, and through its usual honesty and competence…most of that food ended up in the hands of Hamas thugs, who then sold it at inflated prices to the Gazans.
The GHF quickly became much more successful, getting the food to the people it was intended for, while cutting out the Hamas creeps who had been preying on them. Hamas’s response had the maximum Hamas-ness: they started beating and shooting people to keep them from getting the food, especially when the people had started to openly applaud and say, “Thank you, America.”
The MSM jumped right on the story, reporting that the scenes of grateful Gazans were AI deep fakes, and that the IDF had been shooting, and causing the recipients to panic and trample each other. Because of course they did.
When the AI story and the smears of the IDF were debunked, the MSM quickly melted away and started lying elsewhere. Because: ditto.
Anyway, GHF’s performance demonstrated what a legitimate charitable food distribution plan looks like.
Meanwhile, a boat was sailing from Sicily (and where were the mafia pirates when you needed them?) toward Gaza on a mission to provide an instructive counter-example of what a fraudulent, virtue-signaling PR circle jerk looks like. And boy, did it!
The most prominent celebrity passenger on The Mental Minnow was Greta Thunberg, of “The climate will kill us all!” fame. She’s known by many names: The Doom Pixie. Sweden’s Shame. Lil’ Miss “How Dare You!” But she wanted the world to know that she’s moved on to another noble cause: Jew hating.
Greta and the other merry moronic mariners made videos to document their brave journey to, as she put it, “attempt to break the siege and open up the humanitarian corridor by delivering aid like food and medical supplies.” She waxed eloquent about the “systematic starvation of 2 million people” and “a live-streamed genocide.”
Of course, that Israeli genocide does not exist anywhere outside of her unnervingly square head. But the Self-important Scandinavian was not going to be deterred by little things like facts and reality.
“Hey Martin,” you are probably saying, “did she record those videos while dressed in the traditional garments of her people, i.e. the Sverigedräkten, or Swedish national dress?”
Yes, and no. (And by the way, nice umlaut you’ve got there.) She did wear the traditional garment of her people, but her real people aren’t the Swedes, but the anti-Semites. And their traditional garment is the terrorist tablecloth, i.e. the keffiyeh.
And yes, she was all keffiyeh-ed up!
Naturally, the Israelis intercepted the boat, which gave the maritime martyrs the chance to preen and posture. Greta recorded a video saying that she was being kidnapped, and appealing to the government of Sweden to use diplomatic pressure to get her released, so that she could complete her mission of taking what turned out to be a small cooler of assorted sandwiches and unpronounceable Swedish snacks to the Gazans.
The Swedes, not usually noted for their sense of humor, managed to have a perfect, deadpan reaction. As the Mail Online put it, “Sweden has rejected Greta’s plea for help.” The Swedish Minister of Foreign Affairs, Maria Malmer Stenergard (she sounds hot, but strict) said, “A great responsibility rests on those who choose to travel contrary to the advice given to a place.”
Then she pursed her lips and gave a curt nod – which my Norwegian wife informs me is the Scandinavian equivalent of an Italian guy spitting on the ground and giving you both middle fingers – and walked back into Umlaut Hall, or whatever the Swedes call their White House.
The Jews, on the other hand, are quite famous for their sense of humor. (Which you would know if you’ve ever seen the Three Stooges, Albert Brooks, Jerry Seinfeld, or Bernie Sanders.) And they gave Greta the business in their press release, which I am not making up:
“The ‘selfie yacht’ is safely making its way to the shores of Israel. The passengers…were provided with sandwiches and water, and are expected to return to their home countries. The tiny amount of aid that wasn’t consumed by the ‘celebrities’ will be transferred to Gaza through real humanitarian channels.”
Perfect! But after that squirt of seltzer in the eyes and pie in the face, the Israelis also caught Greta’s Groupies with a little Schindler’s List surprise, taking her and her companions into a room where they began to screen the horrific film of the October 7th massacre. According to Israel’s Defense Minister Israel Katz – and I couldn’t make that name up if I tried – “when they saw what [the film] was about, they refused to continue watching.”
Because of course they did.
And within 24 hours, Israel deported the whole rotten lot of them.
Many people cheered Greta’s failure, but not me. Because I think she got what she wanted, which was to cosplay as a brave, compassionate do-gooder whose noble mission was thwarted by the dastardly Jews.
I wish that the Israelis had wrong-footed her by waving her through at the border into the hands of Hamas. With the help of my conical purple wizard hat, I know exactly how that would have gone:
IDF guy: Here you go, you morally superior Europeans. Welcome to Gaza.
Greta (nervously): W-w-what? Aren’t you going to arrest me, to stop me from bringing aid and sustenance to my Muslim fellow-sufferers under the Zionist jackboot?
IDF guy: No, no. You can go right on in. You see those angry-looking men standing with their arms crossed and sneering? Those are your Hamas “handlers.”
Greta: Were those verbal quotation marks around “handlers?” What do you mean by “handlers?”
IDF: Oh nothing. Just that they’re going to handle you.
Hamasnik 1 (H1): Who is that infidel harlot? She looks familiar.
Hamasnik 2 (H2): I’ve never seen her before. She has a very square head.
H1: What?
H2: Her head is strange. Very distinctive shape. If I had ever seen her before, I would remember that head.
Achmed (just joining them): What is going on?
H1: The Jews are letting those infidels come in.
Achmed: Why? And what’s with that woman’s head? It’s perfectly square.
H2 (to H1): I told you! And her eyes are small and beady.
Achmed (snapping his fingers): I know! That’s Greta Thunberg. That obnoxious infidel harlot who lectures everybody all the time.
H1: That’s it! I knew I recognized her. (doing an impression in a high-pitched voice) “How dare you?”
Achmed (in a similar voice): “You have stolen my dreams with your empty words!”
H2: I’ve never heard of her.
H1: You’re lucky. She is terrible. She screamed at the infidel men, and no one even flogged her! I can’t imagine having to listen to her.
Achmed: She needs a ball gag to shut her up.
H1 and H2 (looking at each other, then at Achmed): A what?
Achmed: A ball gag. (looks at them) You know, like in the movies, when a woman is… making noise, and… Perhaps I’ve said too much.
H1: Perhaps you have, Achmed!
Achmed (changing the subject): Anyway, how about that head? She’s the reason Allah made burkas, and told us to cover women with them.
H2: I’m not sure you could get a burka over that head!
H1: If you did, it would look like you put a burka on a box!
Achmed: And you’d still have to look at those weird beady eyes through the eye slot.
The three laughed, while Greta watched them, nervously.
H1: I don’t know how those infidel men do it.
H2: Truly, they are very foolish.
After a long moment of them staring, and Greta fidgeting…
H3: Still, she can be my third wife.
H1: Isn’t your goat your third wife?
H3 (shrugging): Then she can be my fourth wife.
Greta (turning, dropping to the ground and grabbing the IDF guy’s legs): Don’t leave me here. Let me go back into Israel!
IDF guy: You want to come back into the nation of genocidal evildoers?
Greta: Yes, please.
IDF guy: What about the poor, oppressed Palestinians?
H3 (calling and waving): Hello, infidel harlot? Bring your square head over here, so I can smite you with the cane of instruction!
Greta (to H3): No thank you. But good luck with your intifada! (quietly, to the IDF guy, out of the corner of her mouth): Get…me…out of here.
And scene.
Hamas delenda est!
Martin Simpson 