It’s been interesting to watch the reactions to Trump’s bombing of Iran, especially since there are very few things that we agree on as a nation. Our recent election results have all been within a handful of points of 50/50, and the job approval ceiling for the last several presidents appears to be right around 50%.
In that context, you’d think the 12 Day War in Iran – assuming that the fighting is now over –would seem to be an extreme outlier, since there has rarely been such a one-sided modern battle.
Israel’s all-time record victory in the Six-Day War in 1967 will likely never be topped. (One of my all-time favorite t-shirts is a white one with the blue Star of David on it, and the words, “Six Days, B*tch.”) And even the first Gulf War took a little over a month.
So the speed of this victory, along with the moral lopsidedness of the combatants – no one but Iran’s ruling theocratic dictatorship and their terrorist clients could side with them – is also unusual in most conflicts among states. You would have to be a totally deranged lunatic to side with the mullahs over Israel and us. (Ladies and gentlemen, I give you… Keith Olbermann.)
I wrote in a previous column about Israel’s stunning successes against Iran before this war, and then during the lightning-strikes and coordinated strategic destruction of military targets, along with decapitating the cream of the Iranian military commanders and nuclear scientists. It’s amazing to think about how much they’ve accomplished in a year!
They decimated Hezbollah with the brilliant pager plot, along with targeted strikes on all of their top leaders, and did the same to Hamas with their relentless attacks on the terror forces of October 7th. They contributed to the weakening of the Assad regime in Syria by eliminating much of their navy and air force, and when Assad fled, Israel wisely flew strikes that took out most of their remaining ships, planes, missiles and chemical weapons, so they wouldn’t fall into the hands of Assad’s successors.
They also took out much of Iran’s air force over the last year, and in the early hours of their attacks this month, they took out the rest, along with the leaders who would have organized a military response and possible counter strikes. Their successes meant that our bombing run against Iran’s nuke sites posed fewer risks than it otherwise would have.
All of this put the Democrats in a very tough position, partly because too many elite Dems and their activist base really dislike America, and partly because successes of one party always make for bad politics for their competitors. I mean, if Biden’s program – allowing millions of illegals into the country, spending like a meth addict with a trust fund, forcing dudes into girls’ sports and lockerrooms, imposing draconian covid mandates and lockdowns on healthy people – had succeeded, our election prospects last year would have been dismal.
Having said all that, it was so entertaining to watch all of the hysterical reactions from Never Trumpers and the left during the lead up to our bombing. Particular favorites in a crowded field were the articles and speeches of David Frum and Chuck-you Schumer, which aged like milk left out in the summer sun.
Frum published an article in the Atlantic (motto: Wrong About Everything Since 1857) entitled, “What Iran Knows About Trump: The Mullahs of Iran Join the Bet that Trump Always Chickens Out.” I’m going to see if I can get the Atlantic to publish my companion piece to Frum’s. I’m calling it, “What David Frum Knows About Trump… Could Fit in a Thimble.” Frum also tweeted that, “’Two Weeks’ is what Trump says when he’s backing away from a commitment he did not mean.”
What makes those even funnier? They both appeared on June 21st, the very day that Trump was rocking the Iranian Casbah (sing it with me, “Khameni don’t like it…”) instead of chickening out, as Frum-py knew he would.
Schumer got in earlier, but just as stupidly. He put out a video a few weeks ago warning that Trump was going to fold to the mullahs, and make a secret deal. “If Taco Trump is already folding, the American public should know about it,” he croaked.
He sneered that Trump was “gonna sound tough in public and then negotiate a side deal that lets Iran get away with everything.” And give him credit, because he was half right: Trump did sound tough in public.
But then he dropped the Massive Ordnance Penetrator, or MOP.
And before you can ask, I looked it up, and that is NOT gay slang, no matter how much it sounds like it. (Still, the next time my wife asks me to get the mop, I’m going to chuckle and give her my Grouch Marx eyebrow wiggle, even though she won’t get it.) (I mean the comedic reference, not the… Ahem. Perhaps I’ve said too much.)
By the way, I assume that everyone has noticed Schumer’s obvious physical decline. He was briefly taken to the hospital a day ago for a breathing scare, but he was losing it long before that. He’s getting more and more hunched-over every time I see him; right now he’s got the posture of a jumbo shrimp, or possibly the letter “c,” and that gives him a creepy Nosferatu-ian vibe when he crouches over a podium and hollers at us while glaring from over the top of his glasses.
Do any politicians ever just retire anymore?
Unfortunately, Tucker Carlson has continued his precipitous slide from being a smart and insightful guy into either a dumb hack, or a dishonest one. Shortly before Trump gave the mullahs the MOP (stop snickering), Tucker was on Steve Bannon’s podcast raving about the apocalyptic consequences if Trump did anything to Iran.
He said it would signal “the end of the American Empire” and of Trump’s presidency, and predicted that we’d lose thousands of soldiers in another Iraq situation. And he mocked the idea that the argument isn’t between those who want to use quick strikes to prevent Iran from getting nukes, and those who want to rely on drawn-out negotiations (which, spoiler alert have been tried and failed miserably for the last several decades).
Nope. For Tucker, “The real divide is between those who casually encourage violence and those who seek to prevent it – between warmongers and peacemakers.” That sounds like something that could have been written by Bernie Sanders, AOC, or the ghost of Howard Zinn.
Speaking of AOC (she of the juicy booty, according to her), she and half the Democrats in Congress ran to microphones or X and immediately started calling for the impeachment of Trump (again!) and decrying his horrific, unconstitutional act of bombing without getting congress’ permission first.
Apparently no one has told them that every president since HW Bush has done that, or that Obama dropped thousands of bombs without congress’ permission in just the last several months of his reign of terro—I mean, administration.
But I didn’t need to study for years about geopolitics to support the bombing of Iran’s nuke sites. Because I informed myself by reading an article on Twitchy about 20 actual laws in Iran, and that was enough.
A small sampling of illegal activities in Iran: apostasy (leaving Islam), blasphemy, homosexuality and adultery can all get you the death penalty. You can’t criticize the chief Weird Beard, or drink alcohol, or dissent online. Women can’t sing or dance in public or go to stadiums, and they have to wear pup tents or beekeeper outfits.
You can get up to 74 lashes for holding hands or kissing in public, and any same-sex relationships – even if, and I am quoting, they are “non-penetrative” – will get you “lashes, prison or worse.” (I’m no relationship-ologist, but if your sexual relationships are non-penetrative, I’m pretty sure you’re doing something wrong.) (But hey, you do you.)
However, I didn’t even need to read about any of those laws, because they had me at # 19: Dog ownership is banned, because dogs are “unclean.” (Cassie the Wonder Dog is beside my desk as I write this, so I’m typing very quietly.) Which is truly offensive, not to mention ridiculous.
I’ve seen those mullahs’ lice-y looking beards, and I’ve read about their goat brides – not to mention the goat chlamydia outbreaks that routinely sweep through the Iranian leadership – so I don’t think they should be throwing any stones about cleanliness from inside their glass mosques.
Am I saying that the Iranians deserved a devastating bombing campaign because of the way they treat dogs?
I’m saying we should have that conversation.
And I’m also saying yes.
Hamas delenda est
Martin Simpson 