The theme for today’s column is that the chickens are coming home to roost for many leftists. And these aren’t just regular chickens, which are flightless, sometimes good at tic-tac-toe, and always delicious.
No, these are a hellish hybrid – developed in Chinese labs with funding from Tony Fauci – formed by cross breeding chickens, vultures, and rabid weasels, in ungodly experiments intended to bring out the worst in all three creatures’ DNA.
We’re talking about chickens that will peck your eyes out with no provocation, and overly aggressive vultures who will circle and try to feed on those who aren’t quite dead yet. (Like Joe Biden, or Imhotep Pelosi, or Jimmy Kimmel’s career.) And weasels that have rabies, and a maniacal taste for human flesh.
Experts are still debating what to name the resulting Faucen-steinian creatures. “We-chick-tures” and “chick-vult-sels” have been suggested, but I’m leaning toward “chick-wea-tures.”
But no matter what you call them, they can fly, peck and bite, and their saliva is so full of rabies that you might mistake it for the saliva of Jasmine Crockett. (Rumors that these benighted creatures also cannot conjugate the verb “to be,” despite having gone to expensive private prep schools, have not been confirmed.)
And the sky is now dark with them! Fortunately for us, they only feed on their leftist creators. So if you see a flock of these things descending on a clot of antifa protestors or a herd of grievance study majors, or circling a vegan café or Mamdani rally, my advice is to open some popcorn, and enjoy the carnage.
Okay, I’ll admit it. Rather than my usual judicious sipping, I gave myself a heavy pour of the Knob Creek 9 before I started writing this evening. Still, I stand behind that weird opening.
Anyway, the first wave of roosting chick-wea-tures have landed on the many hateful leftists celebrating Charlie Kirk’s murder who have lost their jobs as a result. You almost have to feel sorry for them – I said “almost” – because they obviously had no idea that posting videos of their evil celebrations would come back to bite them.
And why should they? They’d been freely spouting the most vile hatred for years, with no repercussions. So now they’re posting weepy Tiktok videos whining that hypocritical conservatives are supposed to disapprove of “cancel culture.”
First, if they were at all self-aware, they’d realize that such a claim cuts both ways. They were happy to perpetrate cancel culture against us for years, so they have no grounds to object because they’re getting their own back.
And it’s not like we’ve changed our position; we aren’t now pushing cancel culture – only consequence culture. We’re not trying to get people fired for a tweet they posted in high school, or to get them banned from social media or de-banked because they were right about covid, or said that chromosomes don’t exist and people can change their sex.
We’re just publicizing their repulsive tweets and videos, and as a result, normal, decent people are repulsed by their behavior, and don’t want to employ them, or work with or for them, or get medical care from them, or trust them to teach our children.
Another wave of chick-wea-tures roosting on their creators has involved numbskulls posting transparently false tweets, and instantly getting ratioed into next week. On Monday I mentioned “JoJo from Jerz” who posted that conservatives would NEVER vote for a resolution to honor slain MN Dem Melissa Hortman… only to have thousands of readers post the unanimous GOP vote for that exact resolution in June.
The same pattern has happened with every political murderer they’ve wrongly said was a Trumpster, from Paul Pelosi’s hammer attacker (a schizophrenic hippie) to Hortman’s killer (a crazy who says he killed to help Jazz-Hands Wolz), to Charlie’s murderer, of course.
As soon as that assassination happened, thousands of lefties launched thousands of chick-wea-tures into the air, urging them to attack Turning Point and the Trump administration. They touted the killer’s religious, conservative family and white skin as proof that he was a Christian nationalist MAGA-head.
When word leaked about what was on the bullet casings, the flock turned and began to circle the lefty ghouls, who started to sweat. When reports that the killer was living with a boyfriend pretending to be a girlfriend pretending to be a raccoon, one desperate leftist influencer actually posted a short video of the “roommate” snowboarding, claiming that the video proved that he obviously was NOT trans.
Now I’m not up on the athletic proclivities of eccentric sexual subcultures, but even so, I think I would have heard of some transitive property whereby 100% of the members of such a group either do or do not engage in a specific sporting activity.
To show you how clueless I was, until recently, I naively thought it was possible that 100% of soccer players are gay. Boy was my face red when I learned that it was only 92%! (HA! I kid because I love.)
Anyway, did that lefty goofball really expect us to accept a snowboarding video as dispositive proof that the killer’s “roommate” was only a roommate? If the great film Apocalypse Now has taught me anything – and it has – it’s that Charlie don’t surf! But now I’m supposed to believe that Tranny don’t snowboard? Come on, man!
Then, two days ago, a sniper shot several illegal detainees at an ICE facility, and the usual lefties had their flocks in the air immediately. “See? Another violent right-winger, gunning down innocent undocumented victims! Attica! Attica!”
Annndddd… it turned out that the sniper intended to kill ICE agents, except that he was as bad at sniping as he was at thinking.
The first clue was that he left a bullet casing engraved with “ANTI ICE.” The second was that he left a handwritten note saying that he hoped that his attack “will give ICE agents real terror.”
Annndddd…Gavin Newsom, AOC and a thousand other elite lefties who have been calling ICE the “gestapo” and urging people to attack them were suddenly running in circles, slapping at the beaks and claws and tiny sharp teeth of their unholy creations assaulting their heads and upper bodies.
And the hilarious, satisfying news just keeps coming. Fani Willis’ career is in tatters, Letitia James is facing fraud allegations, and James Comey has just been indicted for obstruction and lying to congress. Sauron Soros is under investigation for using corrupt NGOs to fund terrorist groups and, and Antifa itself is in the same boat, after years of organized violence and criminality on a massive scale.
Abigail Spanberger, Dem candidate for VA governor, is now being hoist on her own petard (where the chick-wea-tures can feed on her flailing stupidity) because of her earlier support for allowing disordered males into women’s locker rooms and bathrooms. Inconveniently for her, a “trans woman” who is also a registered sex offender (Unexpectedly!) and was recently caught nude and pleasuring himself in a high school girls’ locker room (Unexpectedly!) is now on trial in Arlington.
His case is getting a lot of attention, partly because his legal strategy has included petulantly requesting that the judge force the prosecutor to stop “misgendering” him. By calling him “him.”
In another case of “you can definitely judge a book by its cover,” his mug shot looks exactly like you’d expect it to look. Also, the name of this super-creepy sex offender who insists that he’s not male is – and as God is my witness, I am not making this up – “Richard Cox.”
If this were a South Park episode or a bit on Gutfeld, they would not dare name a male pervert who thinks he’s a pervertress “Dick Cox.” (And if any of you even thought of a joke involving the chances of the VA jury allowing Dick Cox to get off in this trial, or of his getting his comeuppance, I am VERY disappointed in you.)
How would you like to be Spanberger about now? With the election less than two months away, and Virginia still being a blue state, Richard Cox has now reared his ugly head (stop it!), to make the polls closer than they should be. (And if the VA GOP isn’t busily printing “Spanberger/Dick Cox ’25!” bumper stickers right now, they’re leaving money on the table!)
Finally, no column about self-inflicted leftist wounds would be complete without mentioning the latest tale of Trump recommending – based on multiple respectable medical studies – that pregnant women not take Tylenol, because of the potential risk of neurological damage, including autism, to their babies.
So, of course, a bunch of TDS-suffering pregnant liberal women take to TikTok, posting videos of themselves guzzling Tylenol, just to spite Trump. Good lord! If it wasn’t so sad that their unborn children might pay the price for their idiocy, it would be hilarious.
Some high-minded conservatives have suggested that Trump use the power that these numbskulls have given him over their behavior for their own good, but putting out a Truth Social proclaiming that he wants all leftist women to get abortions immediately.
Within three months, Planned Parenthood would go out of business!
But I am much more juvenile than many of my fellow conservatives. (You probably haven’t noticed.) So I found myself thinking that Trump should release the following video:
“I want to speak directly to the liberal lunatic ladies out there. I’ve heard rumors that many of you are thinking about defying me and my fantastically successful agenda – so fantastic! – by getting face tattoos that say either “MAGA” or “TRUMP ’28!” Frankly, that is a terrible idea, and I’m appointing Tom Homan and Matt Gaetz to head up a task force to find ways to make it illegal. I’m going to sign an Executive Order tomorrow afternoon, and I will then fast-track that to SCOTUS. I’m calling it “The Trump Forces Ugly Liberal Women to Maintain Tattoo-free Faces Act.”
In conclusion, as your favorite president – and frankly, your daddy – I explicitly forbid you to get a Trump face tattoo. Thank you for your attention to this matter.”
Within a month, our blue cities and states would be lousy with blue-haired, dim-witted, snarling mini-Mike Tysons. And young men who are looking to find a good woman to marry and start a family with would be able to spot the blue-haired red flags a mile away.
You’re welcome, America. And have a good weekend.
Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!