Month: November 2025

Update on the (Temporary?) Suspension of the Cautious Optimism FB page (posted 11/26/25)

Hello All,

I’m feeling a little down as I write this, because as those of you have faithfully followed the Cautious Optimism Facebook page already know, Facebook suspended the CO site last Friday evening, 11/21/25. 

In this post, I’ll update you on that situation, and ask all of you to follow/subscribe to this site – which will continue to be free, as always.  If you do so, you’ll get an automatic notice every time I post a new column or update. 

Since I think most of you originally came here from the Cautious Optimism FB page, clicking “follow” here is the best way to stay in touch and get updates on where the CO site is going to migrate to, if we can keep it going. 

So thanks in advance for doing that!

I talked to the great and powerful CO over the weekend, and he told me that he’s been repeatedly contacting Facebook and trying to get answers from them, but so far with no luck.  They haven’t told us why the site was suspended, or whether it was only taken down permanently, or only temporarily.  He had hoped that the suspension might only be for 72 hours, but that would have ended on Monday evening, and that obviously has not happened. 

So we’re not sure what the next step is going to be.  CO would like to keep the site going, and since it had recently grown to more than 34,000 followers, I think many people feel the same way.  I have really loved writing for the site for the last nine years, and have made many friends there, and would hate to see that end!

CO and I discussed several options, if FB doesn’t relent and un-suspend the site.  One option would be to re-start the dormant, old Cautious Optimism site, but we’re not sure that that can happen.  One advantage of re-starting that would be the continuity; followers of the newer site could move over to the old site with the same name, assuming we can find a way to let them know that that one is back.  The downside of re-starting that site is that if FB won’t even tell us why they suspended the new site, who knows whether they might do the same to the old one, if we break some mysterious rule that they won’t even identify!

Another option might be to start a new site on a different platform, but neither CO nor I are tech savvy in the ways to do that.  In fact, if any of you out there who have followed and enjoyed the Cautious Optimism page and who have the skill set to consider setting up and maybe even helping to manage a new one, let me know that, and I think CO might be willing to negotiate a deal with you to make that happen. 

One regret that CO and I have is that neither of us thought to create some kind of an email list of CO site followers, so that we could reach all of them with updates about where the site might migrate to, in case something like this happened. 

And now something like this has happened, and we have no way to contact the CO family!

The good news is that I have this WordPress site, and you’re here, and I’ll still be able to communicate with all of you who have been coming here regularly.  The arrangement I had with CO was to post every new column on the CO site first, and then when I wrote a new one to post there, I’d post the former one here.  So I am going to continue to write columns and post them here, as always. 

I’ll post my next new column shortly, but in the meantime, please do hit “follow” on this page, so I can let you know what the plan is, as soon as we get one.  And if you know some of the other regulars from the Cautious Optimism site who don’t know about this site, please send them here and ask them to subscribe, too. 

And while you’re at it, I’d love to get some comments and feedback from you:  How many of you would be willing (or even eager?) to follow us to a new home, if we can find a way to re-create the site elsewhere?  I’m assuming that the lion’s share of you found this page because you found the CO Facebook page first, but if that’s not the case for you, please let me know how you found me.

Also, if you’re at all tech savvy and have any suggestions for where we could locate a new site, we’d love to hear that, too!

I’ll be back to update you soon, and thanks!

Martin

I’ve Got 3 Women on my Mind (posted 11/19/25)

In today’s column I’m going to focus on three women, one of whom I admire, and two of whom I don’t.  In honor of a classic Clint Eastwood movie – which I just picked up from our library for a re-watch after many years – I’ll call this column the Good, the Bad, and… well… Michelle Obama.

First up is the Good, in the form of Tiffany Fong.  I’d never heard of her before today, and after more research, she might turn out to be a weirdo.  But for today at least, I’m a fan, because she had a great response to smelly Eric Swalwell. 

Lately Swalwell has started doing these cringey short videos in which he pretends to be walking in public when he’s surprised by someone coming up and asking a political question.  Then he gives an answer that shows the kind of brainpower that you might expect from someone who fell for a Chicom honeytrap. 

In this case, his off-camera stooge asked him why Trump has now called on congress to release all of the Epstein files.  Swalwell claims that Trump could have forcibly released the files on his own at any time, and then says, “Checkmate.” 

He might as well have said “Coffee Mate” or “Ahoy, mate,” because that makes no sense.  And of course it ignores the giant inconvenient fact that all Dems have been ignoring as they try to turn Epstein into a Trump problem: every day during the four years of the Biden nightmare, the Dems could have released the files in their entirety.

And now, because Trump hadn’t yet done what they never did, he’s an existential threat to democracy.  Or something.

Enter Tiffany Fong, who I’m told is an attractive 20-something Asian-American gal.  I can’t confirm that, because as regular readers know, ever since I first laid eyes on my smokeshow wife almost 40 years, all other women have become invisible to me.  (Which reminds me: all of you who have been sending me all of those nude pics might as well cut it out.  Though I do appreciate the thought.)

Fong’s response to Swalwell made me laugh out loud: “I feel like I could get you to some release some files.” 

Yes!  Fong played the Fang-Fang card.  Well done!

I took a quick look at Fong’s X posts and found that she has an irreverent sense of humor.  For example, “If your boyfriend is at a ‘No Kings” rally, that’s your girlfriend.” 

She posted a pic of Grandpa Simpson storytelling in front of Bart and some kids, under the words, “Back in my day women had vaginas.”

She posted a Trump-esque troll-y painting of herself wearing vaguely colonial garb, only tighter.  Behind her is a soft-focus American flag, she’s straddling a gatling gun, and a scowling, bad-ass eagle is perched on her left hand.  The painting reads, “What the f*ck is a kilometer?”

After she posted that she’d voted for Trump, some hateful lefty group sarcastically awarded her “Chink of the Month,” and she responded snarkily: “Yay! I bring honor to my famiry!”

I like this gal.

Now onto the Bad, played today by Jasmine Crockett.  (Unexpectedly!)

Everybody who knows anything about Crockett knows that she’s as phony as Liz Warren’s Cherokee heritage.  (#wemustneverstopmockingher)  She’s a spoiled rich kid who went to fancy private schools and used to speak grammatically correct English, but now she pretends to be a hood rat who can’t conjugate the verb “to be” correctly.

Don’t axe her why.

This week she was interviewed by a weirdo who calls himself “Larry the Fairy.”  (Which rhymes, just like “nomen est omen.”) And he asks her, “So many MAGA women receive gender-affirming care such as lip fillers, breast augmentation, etc.  Why do you think they are so against gender affirming care for trans people?”

She starts laughing, and literally stomping her hoof like that’s the funniest thing she’s ever heard.

Sorry, “foot.”  That should be “stomping her foot.” 

Or should it? 

As she is whinnying, the camera pans back, and we see that standing on the other side of her is a super-stable-looking drag queen dude – over 6 foot, giant pink wig and ridiculous caked-on makeup, wearing a dress that is struggling manfully to contain some serious flab-alanche-risk fat rolls.  He’s probably there to make Jasmine look slim by comparison. 

And he almost pulls it off. 

So Jasmine waxes eloquent on the appearance of conservative women thusly: “So I have this thing where like, you know a MAGA woman, when you see one, they all have a look, right?  Like they lips be like (gestures to her mouth), anyway, that’s a whole other issue.” 

Yes.  “They lips be all like this,” says the woman whose parents blew a quarter-million dollars on her education. 

That’s one of the Democrats’ bright lights in the House, people.  A black woman wearing a culturally-appropriating wig of straight hair, the fake fingernail talons of a Disney villainess, and fake eyelashes as thick as her skull, standing between Larry the Fairy and a drag version of Dick Butkus if he’d really let himself go.

And she wants to tell you about how conservative women look weird. 

Sorry.  I meant, “… about how MAGA women, they be lookin’ all weird and sh*t.”      

Speaking of which, let’s turn to Michelle Obama, who has to be one of the most privileged and least happy people in the country.  She famously said that she’d never been proud of the country until it elected her husband, and she’s spent most of her post-White House years complaining about the immense burden of being her. 

This March she started a podcast with her brother; it’s called IMO (In My Opinion), but it should have been called “Festivus,” because it’s all about the airing of the grievances. 

She complains about being in the fishbowl at the White House, the racism of America, and especially, about her husband.  She didn’t want him to run for president, he’s always late for everything, she can’t stand the way he chews with his mouth open, and on and on.  

Her podcast debuted with 338,000 views – not stellar numbers, considering her high profile and the big media promotional push it got – but then quickly dropped off to 66,000 within a month.  As of September, it reportedly has only around 17,000 subscribers. 

And now she’s come out with a book of pictures of herself, called The Look.  The podcast and her book reveal Obama’s unfortunate combination of narcissism and racism. In an interview she said that she had to “conform to a white environment of appropriateness.”

“Let me explain something to white people!  Our hair comes out of our head naturally in a curly pattern, so when we’re straightening it to follow your beauty standards, we are trapped by straightness.”  (Rumors that her husband has not been “trapped by straightness” have not been confirmed.)  She even complains that blacks don’t swim or go to the gym “because we’re trying to keep our hair straight for y’all.  It is exhausting, and it’s so expensive, and it takes up so much time.” 

There’s a lot wrong with that paragraph, starting with the fact that there’s no such thing as one universally accepted beauty standard, let alone a racially coded one.  And contrary to Michelle’s self-martyrdom, most women aren’t thrilled with their natural hair, and tend to spend a ton of time on it, trying to get it to do what it doesn’t naturally want to. 

Many women with straight hair want it curly, and those with naturally curly hair want it straight.  Women with short hair want to grow it out, and women with long hair cut it short and then don’t like how it looks.  Blondes darken their hair, brunettes lighten theirs, and leftist women dye it fluorescent colors to repel normal people. 

When I was a young man, women would spray and tease their hair to within an inch of its life.  Some white women got perms (resulting in a simulated Afro), and Bo Derek once got corn-rows, even though most men didn’t notice, because their eyes never made it up to her head. 

And when Michelle whines about spending half of her waking life “trying to keep her hair straight” for us whiteys, I wish she would have asked me, because I could have told her that we couldn’t care less about how her hair looked.  In fact, to the extent that I ever noticed her looks at all, it was because I was unnerved by her constant scowl, or freaked out because she’s built like a pass-rushing outside linebacker for TCU.   

During her most recent interview for the book, Michelle incorporated three fundamental errors into one paragraph: “We have to start educating people about all kinds of beauty.  And our beauty is so powerful and so unique that it is worthy of a conversation, and worthy of demanding the respect that we’re owed for who we are, and what we offer to the world.”

The first error is her belief that people can be “educated” to regard something as beautiful.  That’s not how beauty works.  When a beautiful woman walks into a room, the straight men there all recognize her beauty.  (Even the gay guys notice.  But they just say, “Meh.”)

Over the last half-dozen years, fashion magazines spent tons of money trying to “educate” men into seeing “transgender” dudes as beautiful women, and morbid obesity as attractive, and they convinced zero men.

The second error is that it’s demeaning to reduce someone’s value to their appearance, or to suggest that beauty is all they “offer to the world.” Has no one ever told her that beauty is only skin deep?

(I’m guessing she never had a dad like mine, who told me that I needed to look for a girl who, the more I got to know her, the prettier she got.)     

The third error is that narcissism is ugly.  There are few bigger turnoffs than someone insisting “my beauty is powerful, and unique, and worthy of a conversation.  I demand the respect that I’m owed!” 

If that’s your attitude, you’re going to get all the respect you are owed. 

Which is to say, zero respect.   

Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!

4 Patterns Suggesting that the Dems are Lying (posted 11/17/25)

As usual, lately I’ve been paying close attention to how our political opponents have been acting.  I’ve had my ear to the ground, my nose to the grindstone, and my head on a swivel.  Maybe that’s why I feel like I slept weird last night.

Anyway, I’ve noticed a pattern in recent Democrat behavior, and wonder if you’ve noticed it too.

Example 1: I’ve mentioned this one before, but do you remember when our lefties were gnashing their teeth and rending their garments for several years because of the ongoing “genocide” against “Palestinians?”   Never mind what actually happened.  But to hear them tell it, this was the worst injustice ever, and it involved the IDF doing everything they could to kill Gazan children, while doing their best to avoid accidentally shooting any of the filthy terrorists who were hiding behind those children.

And yet when Trump engineered the end of that terrible carnage, they pouted, and sulked, and stamped their little feet.    

Of course, they didn’t give Trump or Netanyahu any credit for bringing that happy resolution about.  (Unexpectedly!)  But you’d think they’d at least celebrate the end of “genocide,” wouldn’t you?  Hell, even the “Palestinians” were celebrating in the streets as their vicious terrorist brethren who had been rightly held in Israeli jails were returned to them. 

But no.  For our MSM, elected Dems and campus left, Trump was the Grinch who Stole the Genocide, and they were very displeased.

Example 2: As soon as the peace began and the IDF pulled back from Gaza, the Hamas cowards crept back out of their holes and immediately started slaughtering their fellow “Palestinians” who happened to be from rival clans.  Those Gazans might have been expected to assume positions of leadership if the peace continued as scheduled, and Hamas were disarmed and removed from power.  And Hamas couldn’t have that. 

You may have seen the footage of some of the many reprisal killings, which often featured the rival Gazans bound, hooded and helpless, while the peace-loving Hamas terrorists bravely shot them in the backs of their heads.    

You may also remember, like me, how every Gazan killed between 10/7/23 and the beginning of the Trump truce on 10/13/25 was a totally innocent victim and a saint, a veritable Mohammad Luther King Jr.  And the world media covered all of those dead Gazans exhaustively.

Right up until the truce started and Hamas started slaughtering their co-religionists. 

And then each of THOSE killings was…a mystery.  The formerly voracious media closed their notebooks, and turned off their cameras.  Al Jazeera and other jihad-friendly Middle Eastern reporters closed out the word processing programs on their laptops, and returned to the goat porn sites that make up the remainder of their internet usage. 

The MSM has gone radio silent, despite what has to have been at least hundreds of Hamas-on-Gazan murders.  Because I am nothing if not a tireless researcher – you’re welcome, CO nation – I searched for a death toll since 10/13/25.  But I was unable to find anything. 

My first search yielded dozens of articles about all the Gazans killed since Israel responded to the Hamas attack on innocent Jews, but stopped counting in late summer or early fall of this year.  But the death count before that was high, believe them!

Many MSM sources reported between 40,000 – 60,000 “Palestinians” killed by the IDF.   Something called Middle East Monitor came out with a shock headline in late June pegging the deaths at 84,000. 

I’m sure CAIR and the pro-jihadi factions on American campuses – Students for Justice in “Palestine,” the groups claiming to be Jewish but who are fronted by trans, heavily-pierced and heavyset scary gals (I call them the “Jewish as a Ham Sandwich Consortium”), and the faculties of Columbia, Harvard and Yale – have set the number at eleventy-billion.

So I narrowed my search, and made it consecutively more specific.  I went from, “How many Gazans were killed by Hamas since the truce started?” to “How many Gazans were killed by Hamas since 10/13/25?” to “For the love of God, how many Gazans were killed by Hamas in the last 34 days?”

But the response was always the same: pages and pages of articles detailing the quintillion Gazans murdered after Hamas attacked Israel – all of them pediatric nurses and special needs infants and elderly amputees with spina bifida, and brave journalists – but beginning on 10/13/25…nothing.

It’s a Ramadan miracle.  The “Palestinians” have all come down with a simultaneous case of immortality: no one is dying in Gaza anymore, since the evil Jews stopped killing them for no reason at all.

Example 3:  And now I jump ahead to last week, when the second worst crisis of this century – ranked just beneath the “genocide” in Gaza and just above  9/11 – i.e. the Great SNAP Holomodor of the government shutdown ended.  Mysteriously.

Because even though the Dems had absolutely nothing to do with the shutdown starting – it was the Trump shutdown, don’t you know – they somehow figured out a way that they could end it.  By…voting for the deal that had been on the table since the pre-Holomodor/shutdown started. 

And which they’d voted against, 15 times.

Once that vote had passed, was their response, “Thank God that the tragedy has ended, and we can begin the grim work of beginning to bury the bodies of the millions of SNAP recipients who starved to death, and who were totally not mostly morbidly obese, despite what your untrustworthy, functioning eyes might have been telling you.” ?

It was not.  Instead, they ran to every camera and microphone and podcast studio and began venting their rage, and caterwauling that their fellow Dems had wrongly allowed the horrific shutdown – which they’d been screaming for 42 days must end – to end.

My final example takes us to Berkeley, where self-congratulatory leftists will tell you that they bravely started the Free Speech Movement 61 years ago.  And ever since, they’ve been stalwart defenders of the rights of everyone to express unpopular views, free from obstruction, interference or violence. 

Except for, I wanna say, the last 60ish years or so.  Because every conservative who tries to give a speech on campus is harassed and shouted down at best, or violently attacked at worst.  (Rest in Peace, Charlie.) 

Which takes us to last Monday, when the last speech in a series put on by Turning Point USA was scheduled to be given at that cradle of the vaunted free speech movement, Berzerkely.   Annnnndddd… out came the freaks.  

They formed a mob and employed all the old fascist tactics so beloved by the self-proclaimed “anti-fascists.”  They screamed, blew whistles and used bullhorns.  They chanted obscenities and super-peaceful messages like, “F**k your dead homie!”  They scuffled with police and engaged in a lot of vandalism (overturning barriers, throwing objects, spray painting, etc.) 

The most viral video from that night revealed two people fist fighting, one in a “Freedom” shirt, and the other one who stole his cross necklace and assaulted him. (Guess which one was on which side?) 

Despite the freedom shirt guy being all bloody, the cops initially detained him.  Because: Berkeley.  Fortunately, a ton of video was available that showed who started the fight, so the good guy was released and the bad guy charged with robber and battery resulting in injury.

The perfect detail that completed the story?  The leftist aggressor’s name was… wait for it… and I swear I’m not making this up… Jihad Dphrepaulezz.  (I’m guessing that that last name is pronounced just like it’s spelled?) 

Jihad! 

How does that Latin phrase go?  “Nomen est omen.”  (The name is a sign.)  

And I can’t think of a worse omen for how your kid is going to end up than you naming him “Jihad.”  

Though I guess if his full name was “Jihad Child-Killer McScimitar,” he might be a little more screwed than a more typical “Jihad Jones,” or whatever. 

But still.  Don’t name your kid “Jihad.” 

(Cue the NBC musical sting, “The more you know!”)

Just to reinforce that point, regular readers might remember the cheerful tale from a month ago in England (you can find it in my column from October 4th at Martinsimpsonwriting.com) involving a Religion of Peace™ follower named Jihad al-Shamie.  After he stabbed a few unarmed civilians, cops arrived, and it turned out that he’d brought his knife skills to a gun fight.

And as usual in a rousing round of rock-paper-gun-knife, the gun really cleaned up against the competition.  

Anyway, to recap:

When the terrible genocide in Gaza the leftists had been wailing about ended, instead of celebrating, they slunk away and pouted.

And when Hamas started murdering Gazans in large numbers – the same Gazans that right up to 10/13 had been the salt of the earth, and each of their deaths a crime against humanity – the lefties just turned away, sucking on a kale smoothie so they wouldn’t have to make a statement.

And when the Democrats finally ended the government shutdown – which the lefties had said was entirely Trump’s doing, and was a horror that must end – the lefties were furious, and immediately began mourning that the shutdown is over.

And when some conservatives came to the birthplace of the free speech movement to communicate their thoughts, the leftists did everything they could to keep them from speaking freely.

My conclusion?

If I didn’t know any better, it’s almost like they are totally full of Schiff, and wouldn’t know the truth if it was packed into a pager and blown up, right before their eyes.

Or into their eyes.  And into their hands.  And into their non-binary groins.  

Am I saying that’s what should happen to them?  Of course not. 

To quote a vacuous, cackling ex-VP, I’m just saying we should have that conversation.   

Hamas (and Trantifa) delenda est!

The Future of NYC — Lessons from 2 Classic British Authors (posted 11/14/25)

If you’ve never read anything by G.K. Chesterton or Rudyard Kipling, you are missing out.  Both British writers were at the height of their powers toward the end of the Victorian period, and both are out of fashion in academia today.  Which is one in a long list of indictments of academia today, if you ask me.  

And you should always ask me.

Chesterton (1874-1936) was an essayist and fiction writer; he wrote the Father Brown detective stories, as well as essays on various topics, and Christian apologetics (he was Catholic).  His writing is consistently witty and profound, but also easily approachable – a rare combination.

Kipling (1865-1936) is more famous, having been widely read and anthologized, and having turned down an offered knighthood and position as Poet Laureate.  Among his most famous poems are “If,” “Gunga Din,” and “The Power of the Dog.”  The latter poem is one that I sadly know I’ll be referencing in a future column, as Cassie the Wonder Dog seems to be becoming more deaf and unsteady by the week.  (The last line of every stanza of that poem is a variation on “giving your heart to a dog to tear.”) 

So what do these great writers have to do with the fate of NYC? 

They both communicated the traditional – one might even say conservative – wisdom that New York voters rejected last Tuesday.   

A common principle among conservatives is giving respect and deference to tradition and ideas that have stood the test of time.  That doesn’t mean resisting all change – the geniuses who wrote our constitution built into it the means of amending it over time, for example – but it does mean having the humility to learn from the wisdom of our forebears.  And it cautions us about the arrogance of assuming that we know more than anyone ever, and can thus overturn existing systems and build a perfect new world, or political system, with no unintended consequences. 

Chesterton summarized these two mindsets in a parable that has come to be called “Chesterton’s fence.”  It describes a foolish person walking through the woods and coming across a fence at the edge of a meadow.  He doesn’t know why it’s there, and since it impedes his progress, he wants to tear it down. 

Chesterton suggests that if you don’t understand why the fence is there, you shouldn’t tear it down until you do understand.  The implication is that once the fence is down, you’ll find out why it was there, to your regret.  For example, the horses or the bull that the fence had enclosed might show up, and either trample or gore you, and then escape.

In 2025, this concept can be paraphrased as “FAFO.”  And I think New Yorkers just voted to tear down Chesterton’s fence – the FA phase – and they’re soon going to find out.

“Why are rents so high?” they say. 

“Because of one-party Democrat rule!” we shout. But they can’t hear us.  (Maybe because the Muslim call to prayer is drowning us out?)   So in comes Mamdani, and if he does freeze the rent…the housing stock will deteriorate and rent will become even more unaffordable.  (Unexpectedly!)

“Why should we have to pay to ride the bus?” they say.  Annndddd…the buses are soon rolling flophouses for the deranged and the addicted and the shiftless, shooting up and treating the bus like a bear treats the woods.

“Let’s jack up the taxes on the evil 1% who already pay literally half the taxes in the city!” they say.

Annnndddd… they’re gone.  And the city revenues collapse, and the quality-of-life spiral tips more steeply downward, into a death spiral. 

Kipling saw all this coming in his poem, “The Gods of the Copybook Headings,” written one hundred and six years ago last month.   

In the 19th century, copybooks were used in education, as models for students to practice their penmanship.  On the top of each page would be written a sentence or two which the students would repeatedly copy below.  And because teachers back then weren’t insane or depraved, and didn’t focus primarily on new ways to get drag queens and porn into the curricula, most of the sentences to be copied contained a bit of wisdom or moral teaching.

Common sources for copybook headings were maxims from wisdom literature, the Bible, and great thinkers.  The idea was that students would get a win-win: better handwriting, with some moral instruction too.

Kipling’s poem contrasts The Gods of the Copybook Headings (i.e. traditional, conservative, common-sense/wisdom) with The Gods of the Marketplace (i.e. trendy, faddish, foolishness).  I like to call the latter “the Democratic National Platform, circa 1980 – present.” 

Which is why I’m no poet.

The poem has 10 stanzas, but I’ll share just four of them with you. 

Stanza 5 sums up the wisdom of peace through strength, and the second amendment:

“When the Cambrian measures were forming, They promised perpetual peace.

They swore, if we gave them our weapons, that the wars of the tribes would cease.

But when we disarmed They sold us and delivered us bound to our foe,

And the Gods of the Copybook Headings said: ‘Stick to the Devil you know.’

Stanza 6 describes the results of leftist “free love” and gender feminism:

“On the first Feminian Sandstones we were promised the Fuller Life

(Which started by loving our neighbor and ended by loving his wife)

Till our women had no more children and the men lost reason and faith,

And the Gods of the Copybook Headings said: ‘The Wages of Sin is Death.’”

Stanza 7 handles socialist economics:

“In the Carboniferous Epoch we were promised abundance for all,

By robbing selected Peter to pay for collective Paul;

But though we had plenty of money, there was nothing our money could buy,

And the Gods of the Copybook Headings said: ‘If you don’t work you die.’”

The final stanza predicts the fate of Mamdani’s New York City, and our country, if the socialists take over:

“And that after this is accomplished, and the brave new world begins

When all men are paid for existing and no man must pay for his sins,

As surely as Water will wet us, as surely as Fire will burn,

The Gods of the Copybook Headings with terror and slaughter return!”

I’m sometimes called a hilarious genius – and who am I to fly in the face of public opinion? – but I’ve clearly got nothing on Chesterton and Kipling!  In fact, I tried to write a new stanza for Kipling’s poem, but this was the best I could do:

“If the Democrats manage to beat us, we’ll all be neck-deep in a fight,

And forget what was once common knowledge, along with the good and the right.

Like there is no such thing as a free lunch, and a mad dog like Crockett will bite,

And Schiff’s got a neck like a pencil, and Liz Warren’s incredibly white.”

#wemustneverstopmockingher

I know: I’m no Rudyard! (But can you believe that he never used a single hashtag in all of his writings?  I’ve got him there, at least.)

A few critical souls – okay, many critical souls – have pointed out that I can be a little wordy, and I can’t deny that.  Which is even more reason to tip my hat to Kipling, because the man summed up the fatal flaw at the heart of the welfare state AND the leftist soft-on-crime legal philosophy in ONE line: “When all men are paid for existing and no man must pay for his sins.”  

And Kipling rightly foresees the inevitable result, only two lines later: Chicago, Detroit, Baltimore, NYC, and every other big blue city.

Or as he puts it, “terror and slaughter return!”

We should all pray for New Yorkers, because they’re about to receive what they voted for, good and hard.  And I hope we can all use what’s going to happen there as a lesson and a cautionary tale for the rest of the country. 

In the meantime, read yourself some Chesterton and Kipling.  You’ll thank me later.

Hamas (and Trantifa) delenda est!

History Corner: Why We aren’t Nazis, and Trump isn’t Hitler (posted 11/12/25)

I hope you all had a meaningful and contemplative Veteran’s Day, and that you’re getting into a Thanksgiving mood.  Here in north Florida it has dropped below 40 degrees, so many locals have broken out the parkas, and are still shivering anyway. 

I’ve been paying at least minimal attention to the current kerfuffles in Washington, and am glad that this pointless shutdown is finally ending.  And it’s fun to watch the blue-on-blue sniping over that, with the most extreme lefties raging at the Senate Dems who voted to break the filibuster and end the shutdown, while those lefties try in vain to reason with Those Who Can’t Be Reasoned With. 

Note to self: Pick up another bag of popcorn at Publix tomorrow, because you’re out.

Amidst all that, I saw a few new stories of more violent attacks on ICE agents doing their jobs, and yet another rash of Dems comparing them to the Gestapo.  And this on the heels of a lefty friend of mine asking what I think of “the Right’s Nazi problem.” 

If it was anybody but him, I would have let my sarcastic freak flag fly – I keep it in my temperature-controlled flag wardrobe, along with my Stars and Stripes, my Gadsden “Don’t Tread on Me” flag, and my Gator flag (the latter will remain in storage until we can find a coach who can distinguish between his fundament and a hole in the ground). 

But because I love that guy, I didn’t say, “Do you mean the problem we have with the left calling us Nazis all the time for no rational reason?”

Instead, I wrote a thoughtful reply pointing out that with the exception of a handful of whackos who have no mainstream support in conservative circles, American conservatives have no connection to Nazis whatsoever.  Because we hate Nazis as much as we hate communists.

But that got me thinking that perhaps some of you would like a quick primer to summarize why the Nazi-GOP and Hitler-Trump comparisons are ridiculous, which you can share with any lefty relatives or acquaintances who raise the subject.  (Because if you just punch them in the face, then YOU’LL be the bad guy.)

So, before you can say, “We don’t deserve you, Martin!” here it is: 

First, for most leftists, “Nazi” has become an almost meaningless term of utter derision, to be applied to nearly every conservative they disagree with.  In that way, Nazi is just like “fascist” – it basically means very, very bad, and has been divorced from all historical meaning and context.

It is taken as axiomatic in academia and the mainstream left that Naziism and fascism are both right-wing ideologies.  But as with so much that is axiomatic in academia, that is at best a distortion, and at worst just false.  Because there is plenty of evidence that Naziism and fascism are more leftist than rightist ideologies.

A great book on the subject is Jonah Goldberg’s “Liberal Fascism: The Secret History of the American Left, from Mussolini to the Politics of Meaning” (2008).  Even though Jonah has sadly contracted a severe case of TDS, he’s a very good writer, and he lays out the ideological and historical connections in great detail.    

Mussolini was a committed socialist for years, and started the fascist party only when the mainstream socialists rejected Italian nationalism.  But he didn’t reject socialism/leftism, as much as combine it with nationalism. He named his party after the “fasces” – a Latin word for a bundle of bound wooden rods/sticks that the Romans had used as a symbol of authority. 

That branding combined his love of Italy and the Roman Empire, authoritarianism, and his leftist devotion to collectivism.  (The explicit symbolism was that the weak individual sticks become unbreakable when combined into a collective.) 

A common definition of fascism starts by calling it “far right” (because of course it does), but then says that it is characterized by, “a dictatorial leader, centralized autocracy, militarism, forcible suppression of opposition, belief in a natural social hierarchy, subordination of individual interests for the perceived interest of the nation or race, and strong regimentation of society and the economy.”

Look at that the description, and tell me what parts do NOT also apply to communism or the various “socialist republics” (USSR, Cuba, Cambodia, Vietnam, every nation behind the Iron Curtain, etc.).

“Ultranationalist” doesn’t apply, because good commies are internationalists (workers of THE WORLD unite, and all that), and possibly “natural social hierarchy” (though that is the defacto situation in communist countries, where party members are always an elite class above the peasants).

But all the rest of that definition applies 100% to communist governments.  1. Dictatorial leader (Stalin, Mao, Pol Pot, Castro, Ceausescu et al)  2. Centralized autocracy (check) 3. Militarism (yep) 4. Forcible suppression of opposition (yep)  5. Subordination of individual interests for the nation/collective (yep).  6. Strong regimentation of society and the economy (hell yeah!)

Hitler and the Nazis, on the other hand, were such eccentric weirdos that their political DNA is tough to fit as neatly into a left/right spectrum. The Jew hatred was apolitical, and made them almost unique, in that they were fanatically devoted to winning the war…but simultaneously crippled their own war effort by devoting tons of badly needed resources – men and materiel – to killing Jews.  And Hitler’s personal pathologies and enthusiasms made his government’s policies volatile and erratic. 

Just like Mussolini, Hitler was a nationalist, and didn’t reject socialism – just international socialism.  That’s why he named his party the National Socialist German Workers’ Party. (If the Nazis truly were wholly right-wing, they would be the first and only rightist party in the history of the world with “socialist” and “workers” in its name!)  But since nationalism is (correctly) usually associated with the right, and because Hitler’s most hated enemy (after the Jews) was the communists, it became easy to see the Germany/Russia conflict as right vs. left, rather than the fratricidal battle among socialists (national vs. international) that it was. 

That’s not to say that Naziism was purely a leftist ideology.   Only that it was a weird goulash of multiple, sometimes contradictory influences: right-wing nationalism; virulent anti-Semitism; Master Race/perverted Darwinist racism; and authoritarian leftism. 

What has always aggravated me is that our country (and the West writ large) has rightly come to terms with and utterly rejected Naziism, but we’ve never done the same with socialism/communism.  (I join those because Marx and most of his orthodox descendants see them as inexorably joined: socialism is the interim step in which the workers take control of the means of production, and communism is the second step in which the State withers away.  Step 2 has never happened, of course, because the theory is fatally flawed and disregards human nature.)       

It’s socially acceptable (and even chic) for college kids to wear Che Guevara t-shirts and commie iconography (hammer and sickle jewelry or pins, etc.) in a way it would never be for them to wear a Himmler or Hitler t-shirt or swastika pins. In colleges, whole fields can call themselves “Marxist” without any stigma, and I’ll bet that only a tiny minority of college kids know that Stalin almost certainly killed more people than Hitler, and Mao slaughtered more than the two of them combined, or that communism/socialism killed well over 100 million people in only a little more than a century.

I think that that’s what makes communism/socialism so dangerous: it has never been held to account and rejected, the way Naziism (rightly!) has been.  Too many people still attribute good motivations to the commies/socialists – they supposedly wanted a more egalitarian and economically fair society (some surely did, but many clearly didn’t!) – and completely gloss over the fact that that system inevitably descended into dictatorship, oppression, poverty, environmental degradation and mass murder. 

This terrible, dishonest distortion – Hitler’s crimes and 15-20 million killed are the epitome of human evil, but the gulags and 100+ million communist murders are just well-intentioned tragedies along the path paved by collectivized farming, 5-year plans and the Great Leap Forward, etc.  You can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, as Lenin said – is in large part the result of the dishonest and inaccurate way history is taught in America.

Finally we come to the idiotic Trump = Hitler comparison.

Hitler took power at the end of January, 1933.  Within his first SIX MONTHS, he banned other political parties and labor unions, pushed through the Enabling Act which allowed him to make laws without even consulting the Reichstag (congress), and in 18 months he’d executed over 150 leaders of a rival element in the Nazi party in the Night of the Long Knives, and taken total control of the judiciary.  Within his first 5 years, he’d invaded and subsumed another country, forced all young boys to join the Hitler Youth, murdered an estimated 70K-100,000 disabled or gay Germans, and started throwing dissidents into proto-concentration camps.

By comparison, Trump has been in office for a little less than 5 years over his two terms, and unlike Hitler in his first 5 years, he has not tried to ban the Democrat party or unions. (In fact, a near or actual majority of private sector union members likely voted for him last year).  He has not tried to abolish congress, and they’ve hampered him at every turn, tying him up in hoax investigations that took years before he was vindicated.  The oppositional judiciary has buried him in a blizzard of bogus TROs, which he’s appealed but abided by.   

He hasn’t murdered a single Republican (not even the RINOs!), Democrat, gay guy or anybody else.  He’s got Jewish grandchildren and has appointed many Jews to his administration, and he’s a national hero in Israel, after having spearheaded a peace treaty and the release of Jewish hostages. 

You know, just like Hitler did, with the Jews putting an honorary kippah on his head and carrying him out of the Reichstag on their shoulders, chanting, “Hit-ler! Hit-ler!” and “We love you, Adolf!”  

So remember: If some leftist asks you why conservatives love Nazis so much, don’t punch him.  Instead, print out this column and give him a copy.  Then say, “Good day, sir,” and turn on your heel.

If he tries to speak again, say, “I said GOOD DAY!” 

If he insists on continuing to bother you after that… commence to punching.   

Hamas (and Trantifa) delenda est!

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Causes for Celebration and Regret (posted 11/10/25)

Tomorrow is Veterans’ Day, and since I won’t have a column tomorrow, I’ll say thank you to all veterans a day early.  Of course we should all be thanking veterans every day, but we’re humans and fallen, and we often take veterans, like many good things – good health, forgiveness, living in a great country in a good time – for granted.   

But as someone who never served, I’ve always been a little in awe of those who have.  So thanks, all of you.

I also want to give a quick shout-out to Frederick Beal Jr., who is an exemplary American.  And not just because he has been hitting my Tip Jar regularly and hard.  Thanks!

It’s especially good to remind ourselves of some of the best among us, when much of the political news tends toward the depressing, even among those of us who are wired for optimism, whether cautious or otherwise.   

Trump’s re-election and first 9 months back in office have been invigorating.  But how can you not be given pause by Tuesday’s results, with people like bloodthirsty Jay Jones, flat-affect Spanberger, and Comrade Mamdani winning with ease?

In fact, I also may have spoken too soon about Jacob “Low-T” Frey being the lesser of two evils after he won the Minneapolis mayor race over Somali Omar Fateh.  Because when Frey gave his acceptance speech, he opened by speaking Somali for almost a minute.

On the one hand, it’s impressive to learn a foreign language.  On the other hand, for those of us who like the traditional “e pluribus unum” American ideal, pandering to every immigrant group in ways that ultimately encourage fragmented tribal identities over assimilation to an American identity is troubling.

If by “troubling” I mean “a terrible step in the wrong direction.”  Which I do.

Exhibit A in that trend would be to represent a city that is 80-90% native-born American and English-speaking, and to engage in a significant political address in a foreign tongue that none of those citizens understands.    

The same debilitating trend can be seen in many blue cities – where the push for mass migration, illegal and legal – is clearly intended to import a voting base that will keep leftists in power forever.  Bo-Zo(hran) Mamdani got around 32% of the votes from those born in New York, but over 60% of those born outside of America, and Democrat politicians in NYC brag that their public schools teach students in over 100 different languages.

That’s not something to brag about!  Because it’s not xenophobic to say that the language of the United States is English.  You can speak another language as a second language – my wife and I are working on Norwegian and German right now, respectively – but a country can’t function if its citizens can’t speak with and understand each other.

And a city’s politics can’t be healthy when its elected officials engage in clan-based appeals that most of its citizens literally cannot understand! 

Add that to the “List of Things I Never Thought Anyone Would Ever Have to Say Out Loud,” right below, “Men and Women are Different,” and just above, “You Shouldn’t Cheer When Someone You Agree With Murders Someone For Disagreeing With Him.”   

Turning to more positive news, Nancy Pelosi announced that she’s retiring from Congress (finally!) next year, even though she’s only 2149 years young. 

The only questions now are: 1. How many mummy and/or mummy-adjacent jokes can I cram into this column before she trails her burial wrappings out the door?  and 2. Now who will represent the Nile River Valley in 2026?

One good bet: Just like Nancy, the winning candidate next time will probably put out half of his/her campaign ads in hieroglyphs.  (I don’t have a “hieroglyph” button in my software, so I’ll have to translate the winning message: “Bird. Sun. Two guys with coyote heads.  Cat. Tut head. Baboon. Two women with gold headdresses facing each other.  2026!”)

In other good news – I guess – it looks like as I write this that the government shutdown might be over.  And while I wouldn’t bet on it, I hope that this 40-day detour to Pointless-ville will get some Republicans to focus on three issues the shutdown brought to the fore:

1. Why on earth are over 40 million people in America on SNAP?  There has been no multi-year drought or natural disaster, and clouds of locusts have not ravaged all of our crops. However, a plague has struck our land that is worse than either of those: big government leftists have descended upon us with an idea to help the poorest among us, which then ballooned out of control.

FDR started food stamps in 1939 but it ended four years later, when WWII had done what FDR couldn’t do: ended the Great Depression.  And immediately, bodies of the starved dead piled up like cordwood all over the continent.

HA! I kid.  Actually, Americans sailed along for 20 years without food stamps OR mass starvation.  Unexpectedly!

Until another leftist genius, LBJ, got into office and said, “Our food supply isn’t broken. Let me spend a few trillion dollars to fix it, thereby creating armies of morbidly obese dependents who will have to vote for us, because they will literally die if we’re not there to pour Count Chocula down their gullets 24/7.” 

Or words to that effect.

And 60 years later, we have managed to NOT learn the lesson that everyone who lives in heavily wooded bear country already knows: if you continually feed the bears, they’ll lose the ability to feed themselves.  And then they’ll tear hell out of your community.

I know what you’re thinking.  “Martin, I can’t believe you got screwed out of People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive award AGAIN!  You were robbed!  Also, don’t you think it’s very demeaning to compare human beings to big dumb animals like bears?”

First, I was as shocked as you are, and I don’t want to talk about People Magazine ever again. 

Second, before you say that it’s not fair to compare people to bears, did you see any of the MSM propaganda “news” stories highlighting vulnerable SNAP recipients?

They featured one sad character after another, complaining that they won’t have anything to eat starting on November first, and how will they survive without SNAP?  You know that the media were trying to depict a life-threatening crisis by putting on the most sympathetic, tear-jerking “victims” of SNAPlessness they could find.

And yet.  I hesitate to criticize people’s appearance, so how can I put this? 

Those stories were full of people from light heavyweight to cruiserweight to heavyweight… and then grizzly, and Kodiak.  These folks could burn their foodstamps for heat and then go into a cave and hibernate, and when they came out in April, they would be in the best shape of their lives.

And we’d have saved $50 billion.   

But seriously, the “S” in “SNAP” stands for “supplemental.”  And the program began as an attempt to provide a few essentials – bread, beans, rice, milk, butter, potatoes, meat – to a few people who really needed it.  And like every other federal program, it metastasized into a corrupt, harmful cluster-chuck (schumer).

The GOP should carry out a common-sense campaign to reign in SNAP spending: limit it to essential food only (no more junk food or expensive stuff); root out the fraud and abuse (prosecute re-sellers of SNAP benefits/vouchers); stop it from going to any illegals (feed them all, right until they’re put on a plane, boat or bus back to their home countries).

2. All of the Dem screaming about necessary health insurance subsidies only prove that Obamacare is a total disaster.  The GOP needs to broadcast that message everywhere and constantly: the Dems promised you a solution in their ironically and cruelly named “Affordable Health Care  Act.”  Conservatives told you that it would only make healthcare more expensive, and it absolutely has. 

Now the GOP needs to highlight its worst failings – many of the subsidies are going to people making between 100% to 400% of the federal poverty level, and there are readily available charts and graphs that show the steep increase in healthcare costs following the passage of Obamacare.  Get those out there!

It’s going to be tough to fix that broken program with everything else on our plate – thanks, Democrats! – but we need to highlight the nature of the problem, and propose an alternative that undoes what Obamacare screwed up. 

3. One common theme in both the SNAP and Obamacare debacles also helps shore up the necessity for continued deportation of illegals: even if many of them are otherwise not criminals or bad people, millions of them are using resources (SNAP and “free” health care among them) that are intended for American citizens. 

We should be using the left’s inflammatory, angry rhetoric against them.  Every time they hold a press conference or release a TikTok or stage a virtue-signaling protest about how poor and working-class Americans are suffering, we need to fire right back:

Yes! Because you’re giving the resources that should be going to them – billions in food, housing, education and health care — to illegal immigrants!  

We need to shout that into every microphone, camera and social media post we can.

And for God’s sake, don’t shout it in Somali!

Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!

I Want to Shake the Dust of this Election off my Feet! (posted 11/7/25)

After a few days to digest Tuesday’s bad election results, I’ve got no dramatic new insights to offer, other than that the turn back toward normalcy and common sense represented by the 2024 elections apparently did not involve the blue states.  Because those folks have just covered the field in front of them with thousands of rakes, and now they can’t wait to get stompin’!

You know an election was bad when it involved a frozen zombie like Spanberger, and Jay Jones – now the top law enforcer in Virginia, despite his openly expressed opinion that the children of his political opponent are “little fascists” and his dreaming of literally murdering them and their dad – and neither of them was the worst winning candidate.

That “honor” has to go to commie Mamdani, whose closing pitch was even worse than the rest of his execrable campaign.  If you didn’t see it, he invented an Aunt out of whole cloth (I was going to say “out of Kente cloth,” but I don’t know if that comes from Uganda, and didn’t think that reference was worth the time to look it up), and then pretended to fight off tears as he told a story about his pretend Aunt. 

It turns out that Aunt Zabunga (or whatever – if he can make up her existence, I can make up her name) was one of the real victims of 9/11, because after peaceful adherents of the Religion of Peace™ peacefully attacked our country and destroyed the WTC – peacefully – good ol’ Auntie Quango could no longer take the subway out of concern that some New Yorkers might see her hijab and give her the stink eye. 

Let that sink in.  You might have thought that more sympathy should be given to another 3000 New Yorkers who had to stop taking the subway – not because they were self-conscious about their foreign outfits, but because they’d been gruesomely murdered by hateful jihadi freaks.

But according to failed rapper and soon to be failed mayor Mamdani, you’d have been wrong.  Because what about made-up Auntie Dukele, who came here all the way from Wakanda, just to be given the side-eye by bigoted New Yorkers whose loved ones were freshly dead downtown? 

(By the way, Tucker Carlson just defended Zohran from criticism that he is antisemitic, calling it “propaganda.”  Ugh!  First Tucker rhetorically fellated Putin in an obsequious Moscow interview, during which he pretended to accept a Potemkin subway station and grocery story as real.  Then he nodded along as a “historian” explained that Churchill was really the villain in WWII, and that the Nazis have gotten a bad rap.  Then he gave a softball interview to slimy bigot Nick Fuentes.  And now he claims that despite refusing to call for Hamas to lay down their weapons, or to condemn his old favorite phrase of “globalize the intifada,” Zohran is actually a huge fan of the Hebrews.

That’s it.  Tucker is officially dead to me.  I won’t say that you have to agree with me… but if you don’t, I may have to give you the kind of look that I’d give Auntie Bombiki if she wore her hijab to a 9/11 remembrance service.)

Anyway, it looks like NYC may be lost.  And since Trump has gotten a handle on the southern border – I read today that this was the 6th straight month with zero illegals released into the country! – I say we get to building a wall around New York City.

Just before it’s done, we’ll take a convoy of heavily armored SUVs on a quick rescue run through the city, laying down covering fire as we pick up Jamie Galioto and any other COers who are trapped in the Bid (Red) Apple, before racing back out and dropping the portcullis behind us. 

Then we come back in two years, bury all the dead, and start over. 

The closest thing I could find to good news in this election was that at least the horrible leftist who won the mayor’s race in Minneapolis wasn’t quite as horrible as the horrible leftist he defeated. 

The contenders were the incumbent Jacob Frey, and his challenger Omar Fateh (D) – Somalia.  You may remember Frey – or as I call him, Wussy McPussington – as the leftist beta boy who groveled and surrendered when the mostly peaceful mob sacked his city after George Floyd – Patron Saint of Recidivism and Junkies – died as a result of crime-us interruptus.

In the other corner was Omar, the guy who held Tom Hanks hostage in Captain Phillips, and who promised to bring to the Twin Cities the sound, efficient government and cultural thriving that we all associate with… Somalia.  It may have been a red flag that many of his campaign ads were in – I’m not making this up – Somali. 

Because nothing says “successful assimilation” like a Minnesota campaign ad composed of a series of clicks and whistles, ending in “November 4th!”       

If I were his campaign manager, I’d make all of his ads with him just staring at the camera, pointing at his eyes, and saying, “Look at me, Minneapolis.  I’m the captain now.”  Just to see how many Minnesotans would get the Captain Phillips reference.

If I were Pussington’s campaign manager, I’d first treat him like the Godfather treated Johnny Fontane. (I’d slap him and shake him, and say, “You can act like a man!  What’s the matter with you, crying like a woman?”) Then I’d put out two ads. 

The first would feature Frey saying, “Sure, I’ve got less testosterone than a pillow fight between Sydney Sweeney and Margot Robbie, and I hid behind a couch crying as BLM thugs trashed our city.  But at least I’m not the creepy guy from the country where the main occupation is “pirate,” and I won’t make you listen to that caterwauling call to prayer 5 times a day. For now.” 

The second one would feature a black screen with white lettering saying “Just say ‘Feh’ to Feteh” while the Minnesota Vikings’ lame fight song played in the background.

Then I’d grab my bag of Frey’s cash, take off my wig and fake beard, and hop the first freight train out of town.  Because I’d be ashamed to be associated with any of the leftist governance in Minnesota.

It’s a sad state of affairs when the best you can say is that at least the town will remain Minneapolis-St. Paul for a few more years, before it inevitably becomes Mogadishu-St. Paul. 

Good luck with all of that, Democrats.    

Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!

I’ve Returned, With a Few Election Thoughts (posted 11/5/25)

I’m back from Maine, just in time for a horrible election showing.

I’m speaking, of course, of my incomprehensible loss – again! – in yet another People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive competition.  This time I was runner-up to some British actor nobody’s ever heard of, in another instance of “always the bridesmaid, never the bride.” 

Or in my case, “always the People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive Runner-Up, never People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive.”  And I’m getting pretty darn sick of it.

Sure, it’s some consolation that my smokeshow wife tells me that even as an elderly gentleman, I still have the kind of smoldering good looks that, when I’m out in public and make momentary eye contact with a member of the fairer sex, swooning and an arousal-based loss of consciousness regularly ensues.

Okay, she’s never said that in so many words. 

Or in any words even approaching those. 

But after many decades of marriage, I can read her thoughts flawlessly at all times.  (Because you know husbands are GREAT at that.) And I’m pretty sure that that’s what she thinks.

Anyway, by now the main point here is clear: the sexiest man jury at People magazine is composed solely of members of the LGBTQ+ community and those with late-stage macular degeneration.  So don’t bother nominating me again next year, because I’m out!

Okay, enough tomfoolery.  This election really sucked.

Not because blue candidates won in blue states.  Like the Good Book says, “As a dog returns to his vomit, so a blue-state voter returns to his folly.”  So despite our hopes that it would be otherwise, this isn’t a surprise.

But the depressing part is who won, and by how much. 

Spanberger is a cowardly, robotic husk who couldn’t even look Winsome Earle-Sears in the eye when called to give a defense for her terrible policies.  Jay Jones fantasized about murdering his political opponent, and about watching that man’s children die in their mother’s arms.  And Mamdani is a nepo baby neophyte who combines the most deadly ideologies of the last century, communism and jihad.  Mikie Sherrill lied about her bad behavior in the service, and is lying about it still.

Plus she’s a woman called “Mikie,” for which there is no excuse. 

And yet they all won, going away.  Jones, at least, was supposed to be in some trouble, as you might expect for a bloodthirsty scumbag running in an election less than 2 months after his similarly violence-loving political co-religionist murdered Charlie Kirk.  But it looks like Jones still won by 4 or 5 points. 

To make things worse, three Dem judges in purple PA were up for retention votes, and the voters kept all three, even though that same electorate voted for Trump last year.  And in California – see the dogs and their vomit reference above – went through with Ken-Doll Newsom’s  crooked gerrymandering scheme.

Unexpectedly!

I haven’t had time to think through much of this, having just been traveling, but my initial thoughts are:

1. I hope Democrat voters get what they are asking for – good, hard, and sans lubrication.

2. I wish the damage they’re about to do – especially in NYC – could be contained to themselves.  But as always, there will be a lot of collateral damage, including the fact that Florida is about to get more crowded.

3. We need to make Mamdani the face of the Democrat party.  Because thanks to a benevolent God, the rest of America isn’t New York City, politically speaking.  And we should hang that smirking, incompetent, anti-Semitic commie around the DNC’s neck, as the city descends into an ever-more dysfunctional, Dinkins-ian morass of filth, crime and red ink.

4. We need to gerrymander every red state in the country, ASAP.  The Dems have mastered that strategy, and we need to fight fire with fire, or surrender the midterms before they’ve even begun. 

I’ll be back with a regular column in the next day or two.  In the meantime, and as always…

Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!

I’ve Detected an Imbalance of Stupid and Smart Ideas in Our Politics (posted 10/29/25)

As you read this I’ll be on another trip, this time to Maine to see an old friend.  So I won’t have a column on Friday or possibly Monday, but after that I plan to hit the ground running, and power through to Thanksgiving with the wealth of mock-worthy material I trust that the Dems will be giving all of us.

Today my thoughts have turned to the amount of stupid points that lefties routinely argue for, vs the number of smart points that conservatives routinely argue for. 

By saying this I do NOT mean that GOPers or conservatives are necessarily smart.  (I could point to literally thousands of examples of the opposite, each one of them a tiny, irritating thorn in my side, politically speaking.)  Nor that leftists are necessarily stupid.  (I could point to literally a dozen examples of the opposite.  Or at least a handful, since Harry Truman and Daniel Patrick Moynihan are dead, and Dave Rubin is now a conservative.  But I know a few guys personally, and Fetterman’s healing brain has moved him some distance from the Home Plate of Stupid that the rest of nationally elected Dems are clinging to like grim death.) 

By “stupid points” I just mean nonsensical claims that an orthodox leftist has had to argue for and defend during this century.  A few examples will suffice: 

Men can become women, and vice versa.  (I’m not sure exactly how that’s supposed to work.  But I think turning slowly in a circle while clicking your heels together three times and repeating, “I’m a real boy, Geppetto!” is involved.) 

Taking guns away from law-abiding citizens will decrease crime.

Putting career criminals back on the street with a stern talking-to will convert them to quasi-Amish, non-violent gentlemen.

Discriminating on the basis of race today and in the future on is the fairest way to respond to racial discrimination that happened before you were born.

Electing a socialist, jihad-enthusiast mayor of NYC will make NYC a heaven on earth.

Confiscating money from people who work hard and giving it to people who don’t work will make hard workers work harder, and non-workers become self-supporting hard workers.  (And no productive person will ever move out of your greedy blue state.  The end.) 

Whenever I find myself being frustrated by problems in my life, I remind myself that as a conservative, I can walk out of my house every morning knowing that my path is made easier because I have the bracing wind of reality at my back, rather than blowing in my face and impeding my progress.

My leftist friends, on the other hand, have to face each day knowing that as soon as they step out of their house, they will be greeted with a brisk groin-kick from reality.  Then – as they are writhing on the ground, wishing that they could instantly change their gender to female because that would relieve the aching in their battered cojones – the real world will begin administering a volley of rib kicks and face slaps, followed by a rear naked choke.

(Which as I understand it has nothing to do with sexual innuendo, but rather is a forceful wrestling hold.  But either way, it doesn’t sound pleasant.)

Okay.  This bizarre column opening brought to you by Knob Creek 9 Bourbon.  Because this nation didn’t run on Kentucky coal mined by stone-cold sober people.  Knob Creek 9.  (Drink responsibly.) 

(Yes, I’m trolling to try to get a sponsor for this column.  Because my daughter’s tuition at Exeter isn’t going to pay itself, people.)

Where was I?  Oh yeah.  Stupid points and smart points.

Consider the dilemma of leftists who have tried to argue that people on their side are the good guys, and conservatives are Satan’s minions. 

They’ve got to argue that violent right wingers shot Joe Biden in the ear, and tried to shoot him again on a golf course (which means that he’d have to be capable of walking upright around a golf course).  And that a violent right winger shot up a congressional Democrats’ softball practice, and that a violent right winger murdered the leftist equivalent of Charlie Kirk. 

They also have to argue that Antifa doesn’t exist.

Seriously.  That’s a real thing that has happened.  Just do a quick search, and you can find many prominent leftists repeating the robotic talking point: “Antifa doesn’t even exist.  It’s just an idea.  Or maybe not even that.  Antifa is just a figment of your imagination. Like a smart Jasmine Crockett, or a Native American Lizzie Warren (#neverstopmocking), or an Adam Schiff with a normal-sized, human neck.”

They have to argue ridiculous premises such as that the great “Libs of TikTok” is a dishonest, right wing propaganda site…when its content is just showing videos voluntarily posted to the web by lefties.  No AI; no distorted, out of context, second-hand quotes.  Just pure, 180-proof, leftist c-r-a-z-y.

(And that stuff is nothing like the smooth taste of Knob Creek 9 Kentucky bourbon.  Available in small or large batch.   Warning: Don’t drink Knob Creek 9 when watching Libs of TikTok, lest you involuntarily waste some of that sweet brown liquor in a reflexive spit-take when some multiply-pierced gender-indistinct person in a furry suit tells you that his/her/its pronouns are zippity/zoo/zam… and also that JD Vance is weird.)

My two recent favorite, self-induced stupid points were earned by Governor Goodyear Pritzker’s performance in his interview with Bret Baier last week, and Abigail Spanberger in her debate performance against Winsome Earle-Sears a few days earlier. 

Pritzker brazenly claimed that Chicago is a super-safe, crime-free city, despite bodies hitting the ground there faster than picked-clean comically-oversized turkey legs at a catered poker game featuring Pritzker, Jerry Nadler, Michael Moore and Rosie O’Donnell.

Saith the (D)irigible, “We are not in the top 30 [cities] in terms of our murder rate…Our murder rate has been cut in half over the last four years, and every year it’s gone down by double digits.” 

Then Baier put up a map with a graphic showing the top 10 cities for per-capita murder rate, proving that Chicago is the deadliest.  Unexpectedly!  (Also: D’oh!)

Spanberger did even worse, putting in the strangest debate performance I’ve ever seen.  Her opponent is Winsome Earle-Sears, who confronted her about Spanberger’s support for allowing gender-addled males in females’ bathrooms and locker rooms. Which is a position with a huge stupid quotient: no sane people are for it, but the far-left Dem base demands it. 

So Spanberger didn’t know whether to pull a fire alarm and escape in the confusion, or dramatically throw down a smoke bomb and disappear before the air cleared.

Instead, she just stood there expressionless – staring straight ahead with a frozen, tight-lipped half grin – while Sears repeatedly asked her whether she’d allow a disordered male into her own daughters’ bathrooms.  “Would you do that, Abigail?  Abigail?  Helloooo?”

It was bizarre!  Spanberger looked like a catatonic mental patient, or maybe a psychopathic villain in a Super Max prison, ignoring the outside world while she plotted an elaborate escape plan that would culminate in setting off a string of dirty bombs in every large city in the Western hemisphere.

Or possibly getting Commie Mamdani elected mayor of New York. 

You wouldn’t have thought it could get any worse for her…but then a holder of a Black Belt in Stupid tried to ride to her rescue. 

On Morning Joe, Mika Zherbivore-izhinszki (I’m not wasting 10 seconds to look up the spelling of her ridiculous name) jumped all over the mention of the Dems having lost with two women candidates in recent presidential elections.

Because Mika knows sexism when she sees it.  “Other countries have no problem electing women!” The clear implication being that backward Americans won’t tolerate no gyno-American politicians, no-how!      

Except that – and here I have a huge advantage over Ketanji Jackson, since I know what a woman is – Winsome Sears is female!  So Mika’s point is that whoever votes for a conservative woman against a liberal woman is a sexist. 

Not only that, but Sears is a black woman, while Spanberger is pigment-challenged enough that she could be a sibling of the subject of the late 1960’s Procol Harum hit, “Whiter Shade of Pale,” i.e. Liz Warren (#wemustneverstopmockingher)  

And if leftist racial identity politics has taught us anything, it’s that blackness is just as powerful a qualification for high office as femaleness.

Except if you’re a conservative, apparently.  In which case your conservatism cancels out both your gender and your race.

Because: Science!

Have a good Halloween, everybody, and don’t forget…    

Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!