I’m back from Maine, just in time for a horrible election showing.
I’m speaking, of course, of my incomprehensible loss – again! – in yet another People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive competition. This time I was runner-up to some British actor nobody’s ever heard of, in another instance of “always the bridesmaid, never the bride.”
Or in my case, “always the People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive Runner-Up, never People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive.” And I’m getting pretty darn sick of it.
Sure, it’s some consolation that my smokeshow wife tells me that even as an elderly gentleman, I still have the kind of smoldering good looks that, when I’m out in public and make momentary eye contact with a member of the fairer sex, swooning and an arousal-based loss of consciousness regularly ensues.
Okay, she’s never said that in so many words.
Or in any words even approaching those.
But after many decades of marriage, I can read her thoughts flawlessly at all times. (Because you know husbands are GREAT at that.) And I’m pretty sure that that’s what she thinks.
Anyway, by now the main point here is clear: the sexiest man jury at People magazine is composed solely of members of the LGBTQ+ community and those with late-stage macular degeneration. So don’t bother nominating me again next year, because I’m out!
Okay, enough tomfoolery. This election really sucked.
Not because blue candidates won in blue states. Like the Good Book says, “As a dog returns to his vomit, so a blue-state voter returns to his folly.” So despite our hopes that it would be otherwise, this isn’t a surprise.
But the depressing part is who won, and by how much.
Spanberger is a cowardly, robotic husk who couldn’t even look Winsome Earle-Sears in the eye when called to give a defense for her terrible policies. Jay Jones fantasized about murdering his political opponent, and about watching that man’s children die in their mother’s arms. And Mamdani is a nepo baby neophyte who combines the most deadly ideologies of the last century, communism and jihad. Mikie Sherrill lied about her bad behavior in the service, and is lying about it still.
Plus she’s a woman called “Mikie,” for which there is no excuse.
And yet they all won, going away. Jones, at least, was supposed to be in some trouble, as you might expect for a bloodthirsty scumbag running in an election less than 2 months after his similarly violence-loving political co-religionist murdered Charlie Kirk. But it looks like Jones still won by 4 or 5 points.
To make things worse, three Dem judges in purple PA were up for retention votes, and the voters kept all three, even though that same electorate voted for Trump last year. And in California – see the dogs and their vomit reference above – went through with Ken-Doll Newsom’s crooked gerrymandering scheme.
Unexpectedly!
I haven’t had time to think through much of this, having just been traveling, but my initial thoughts are:
1. I hope Democrat voters get what they are asking for – good, hard, and sans lubrication.
2. I wish the damage they’re about to do – especially in NYC – could be contained to themselves. But as always, there will be a lot of collateral damage, including the fact that Florida is about to get more crowded.
3. We need to make Mamdani the face of the Democrat party. Because thanks to a benevolent God, the rest of America isn’t New York City, politically speaking. And we should hang that smirking, incompetent, anti-Semitic commie around the DNC’s neck, as the city descends into an ever-more dysfunctional, Dinkins-ian morass of filth, crime and red ink.
4. We need to gerrymander every red state in the country, ASAP. The Dems have mastered that strategy, and we need to fight fire with fire, or surrender the midterms before they’ve even begun.
I’ll be back with a regular column in the next day or two. In the meantime, and as always…
Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!
Martin Simpson 