Month: March 2026

Everybody’s an Expert on Iran Now (posted 3/20/26)

After another week of dealing with the painful pinched nerve – my MRI showed that it wasn’t a bulged disc and I have my first PT session scheduled on Monday – I’ve been keeping up with the news, if only in a distracted way.

It’s been fascinating to watch the polarized reactions to the war in Iran. First because on all sides the talking heads are doing what they always do when a big international story happens: pretending that they are experts on an area that they couldn’t have found on a map a week ago.

It happened during Iraq and Afghanistan – when blow-dried morons who didn’t know Sunnis from sushi, and couldn’t tell the Taliban from either – lectured us on how popular Saddam was because of all of the giant murals of himself all over Baghdad. It happened again in Ukraine when everybody started plastering blue and yellow flags on their social media to show how dedicated they were to a country they knew nothing about.

And now it’s Iran’s turn. Democrats who have screamed for years that the Ayatollah must be deposed and Iran kept from gaining nukes are suddenly bemoaning a “forever war” (which they declared on Day 3!) and raving that Trump has no plan to deal with the IRGC. Or is it the RICG? Or possibly the GRIC?

I‘m no better than most. I knew what the Strait of Hormuz was, but if pressed I‘d have guessed that Kharg Island was the capital city of the Klingon Empire. But I can’t get too down on myself after watching Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar criticizing Trump’s military strategy, when you know that those crones don’t know the Strait of Hormuz from the Gay of Juarez. (Who could be the most popular rent boy south of the border, for all they know.)

Even I know enough to know that the critics who are wailing that we’re losing the war are full of it. We took out forty of their top leadership in the opening minutes of the action, and then blew up another three or four dozen of the “Council of Experts” several days later, when they were in the act of the choosing the next ayatollah, who was atomized before he could take the oath of office.

We took out their air force last year, we sank their navy in 10 days, and about 90% of their missiles and drones have been used or blown up. The IDF lit up their top three remaining military leaders in the last several days. Can you imagine how far down the depth chart they have to be right now?

Well, you don’t have to. Because some guy who was in The Teheran School of Cosmetology a month ago is now writing threatening press releases claiming to be from the newest Ayatollah, who – I Schiff you not – is made out of cardboard. Literally.

How am I supposed to write satire when the Supreme Leader of Iran is indistinguishable from something out of a South Park episode?

I don’t want us to end up in a drawn-out war in Iran either, but I think that even with all of his flaws, Trump is not going to let that happen. After his foreign policy successes – taking out Soleimani and al-Baghdadi; ending a half-dozen wars and getting the Israeli hostages released; taking out Iran’s nuke sites in an evening; snatching Maduro out of Venezuela in two hours; getting Rosie O’Donnell to leave the country – I think he’s earned enough trust for us to let him cook.

If this war lasts for over 4-5 weeks, we can always get our dresses over our heads and run around shrieking like hysterical Democrats then.

One bit of good news that the MSM didn’t cover – unexpectedly! — was that lots of everyday Iranians are calling in the locations of IRCG road blocks and gatherings, which then get a quick drone strike. The story suggested that the calls were to some Israelis, which sounds like just the kind of thing those bad-asses are known to handle well.

In that same vein were reports that some Iranian Kurds were positioning themselves just over the border, ready to go in and start killing some Ayatollah fans. The Kurds have always been known as tough fighters; I think of them as the Rooftop Koreans of the Middle East.

Would the subsequent movie about the adventures of the Kurds wreaking havoc behind Iranian lines be called “Inglorious Bas-Kurds?” It will if I can get the financing together.

I do hope that we have a plan to get lots of small arms to a lot of motivated Persians who would happily use them to secure their own freedom the good old-fashioned Second Amendment way.

Our military is doing such a great job devastating the regime and destroying their ability to project power outside of their own borders, but we don’t want to get stuck trying to install a new regime or get involved in their internal politics. (Other than teaching them the one indispensable rule that we have already taught them: don’t follow in the footsteps of the ayatollahs and make us come back in and level your whole government again.)

The best way to avoid that seems to be to give the Persian non-jihadist majority the ability to win their freedom and establish their own non-genocidal government.

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Good News & Bad News Stories (posted 3/16/26)

It’s Monday, so let’s get through the Bad News first:

You may have noticed that last Friday was bland tending toward grim, since I didn’t write a column that day.

Though I am loath to mention this – since it goes against my stoic disposition and my “tough as a two-dollar steak” nature – I am still plagued by the pinched nerve that has affected the left side of my neck and my left shoulder, and rendered my left arm largely useless, except that it is setting me up to never again take a functioning and pain-free left arm for granted again, once I get past this.

How weak is my left arm right now? So weak that I’m not sure I could win a fist fight with Imhotep Pelosi, if she was disciplined, and kept jabbing and moving to my left. (Not that I’m not willing to try it, if anybody happens to known her trainer, and would like to set-up a pay-per-view. I have the feeling that if I could catch her with just one right jab, she’d go down like a laundry basket full of burial wrappings. And even if she managed to catch me with a shot to my jaw, I think there’s an even chance that her desiccated mummy fist might crumble into powder. Then it wouldn’t be long until the announcer called out, “Down goes Botox! Down goes Botox!”)

Whenever anyone gets sick for more than a few days, time seems to slow down. Right now, it feels to me like that last time I was pain-free, both of my girls were toddling around the house being adorable little prodigies, and Cassie the Wonder Dog was still Cassie the Wonder Pup. But who’s counting?

Okay, I am. And today is day 18 with not much relief. But the good news is that I’ve got an MRI scheduled this afternoon. I’ve already had an x-ray and CT scan, but we just need to confirm that it’s not a bulged disc, and then I’ll start getting PT that will hopefully do the trick.

In the meantime, I’ve been juggling steroids, muscle relaxants, Gabapentin, tylenol, lydocaine patches and Oxycodone. I’ve been careful to use as little as possible of the latter, since I have a healthy fear of addiction. Because my nightmare scenario would be to start down the slippery slope that ends in me becoming a noxious Hunter Biden figure, using the fortune I gain from crooked deals with Chicom corrupticrats to buy duffle bags full of coke which I would then sniff off of the bare behinds of Eastern European hookers.

And I’ve checked, and my smokeshow wife is pretty strongly opposed to me doing that. So…yeah.

Anyway, while I’ve been struggling through a personal situation that would kill a lesser man, our country has also been going through some rough spots, too.

For example, while it’s still early, it still looks like the GOP will almost certainly lose the House in November. We shouldn’t give up, but by the same token, we should be moving forward with urgency on every front, to get as much done in the next 10 months as is humanly possible.

So far the GOP isn’t acting as urgently as it should. After a lot of pressure, Jon Thune is apparently going to put the SAVE Act up for a vote, which I was hollering about in my last column.

Unfortunately, he seems to be doing so half-heartedly, and he’s not going to use the so called “talking filibuster,” i.e. forcing the Dems to stand up and blab on the Senate floor, which would force them into terrible optics, and produce the raw material for many GOP ads at the least.

Also, I’m frustrated that we’re getting ourselves into a familiar situation with weaker than necessary candidates, this time in Texas. John Cornyn has been too much of a RINO, but instead of a disciplined conservative candidate, Texas voters have chosen Ken Paxton to go into an expensive run-off with Cornyn.

I’m not a Texan and don’t know Paxton well. From what I’ve read, he talks a good game and is something of a Trumpy figure, but I’ve also read that he’s been embroiled in several scandals that will hurt him in a general election. I’m hoping that the MSM may have exaggerated those scandals. Maybe any readers here who are from Texas can enlighten the rest of us re: Paxton?

Turning to good news, whichever GOP candidate wins the Texas primary will be facing James Tallerico, who – hard though this may be to believe – might be a worse candidate than Jazzy Crockett! He’s apparently created hours of great videos that expound his idiosyncratic theology. (How’s that for a polite adjective?)

He believes that God is non-binary, that Jesus is a big fan of abortion, and that we should leave our borders wide open to any and all illegals. I can’t see that playing very well in 2026, especially in Texas. Also, he’s got a SFPI (Simpson Face Punchability Index) of 96, and the more he talks, the higher his SFPI goes.

In other good news, I’m optimistic that our destruction of Iran’s mullahcracy is going to end pretty well, and pretty soon. While even a shortish conflict this close to a mid-term muddies the political waters, I think we’ve struck when the opportunity was there to decapitate Iranian leadership and then destroy their ability to keep the Mideast destabilized and on the verge of war.

It’s been great to see our military work in tandem with the Israelis, and to see our enemies make all the wrong moves. By striking every other country in the Middle East, the Iranian jihadist loons have invited a united front against them, and by having their proxies in Hezbollah get involved and attack Israel, they’ve invited the Hebrew hammer that is now pounding the already weakened Hezbies in their own territory.

This feels like the time to go all in, and take out an evil force that has worked against us and against a stable Middle East for almost 50 years. I’m hoping this ends similarly to the first Godfather, when Michael confronts Carlo: “Barzini’s dead. So is Phillip Tattaglia. Moe Green. Stracci. Cuneo. Today I settle all family business.”

I envision Trump sitting down with the 17th Ayatollah in line. “Khamenei’s dead. So are his top 47 commanders. The Council of Experts. Khamenei’s half-wit son. Today I settle all American business. I’ve got a plane ticket to Russia right here. You can fly up there, and Putin will set you up in your own dacha, with all of the goat-mistresses you want. But don’t tell me you don’t know where the rest of your drone factories and missile batteries are.”

Then, five minutes later, as the top weird beard is driven toward the airport, a special forces guy in the back seat loops a garrotte around his neck and he kicks the windshield out during his death throes.

And some anti-jihadi Persian guy becomes interim leader, knowing that the Americans will be back if he ever starts getting an itchy nuclear trigger finger.

Plus, how can you not love the ridiculousness of the cardboard Ayatollah?! We basically had the same thing with Biden, so it’s nice to see an enemy have to suffer what we’ve already gone through.

Perhaps the best news of the last few days was the conviction of 9 violent antifa criminals for their attack on an ICE installation and shooting of a cop last July in Texas. They were all found guilty on a raft of terrorism-related charges. The leader of the group will get a minimum of 20 years to life in prison, and the rest of them will serve a minimum of 10 years, and a maximum of 60 years.

Another 16 or so defendants are facing charges in Texas, and this is great news. I’ve already seen a video montage of Democrat politicians and media talking heads insisting that antifa doesn’t exist, or that it’s just a bunch of disorganized, well-intentioned protestors. By the fall, we should have a lot more convictions to tout, and those mid-term ads will write themselves.

Another silver lining is the way the corrupt legacy media has been providing tons of new examples of their own dishonesty. Of course, they barely gave 10 seconds of coverage to the big, organized antifa convictions in Texas, and they’ve also continued their fine tradition of pretending to not understand what is behind the recent attacks on the Old Dominion ROTC class, or the attack on the synagogue in Michigan.

Happily, both attackers were quickly killed. In Virginia, an ROTC cadet rushed the murderer and stabbed him to death. (Yes, an ROTC stud can get away with bringing a knife to a gunfight, and win!) In Michigan, the jihadi creep rammed his truck into the building, then jumped out with a gun, ready to commit mass murder, when a security guard shot him immediately.

As both stories of attackers screaming, “Allahu Akbar!” unfolded – and also in NYC, when two jihadis threw IEDs at people protesting Mamdani — the MSM went with their usual playbook, with the old, “We don’t know, and may never know, the motive in this attack.”

Sure, Jan. It’s yet one more attack on a synagogue, or on anti-Muslim protesters. How can we ever guess who the perp is?

I know that one of the principles of real journalism – as distinguished from the dishonest propagandistic narrative creation of the MSM – is to not report anything before you can verify it.

But since they don’t do that, I’ll bet that I – a humble, hilarious genius with no journalistic training – could out-scoop/guess them on a regular basis. I will modestly estimate that about 92% of the time, my initial reports would be more accurate than any big, expensively funded legacy media source staffed to the gills with the cream of the crop of our leftist J-schools.

Because they guess in one direction without any supporting facts – “Who knows who could have motivated this attack on a Jewish school, or a pro-choice pregnancy center, or an ICE facility? We suspect white supremacists in all cases.”

Whereas my guesses in the aforementioned examples would be, “hateful jihadists in alliance with violent leftists; hateful pro-abortion leftists; and hateful leftist antifa members, with a dusting of gender dysmorphic trantifa-ists, respectively.”

In fact, before the first details of crimes in the latter two categories came out, I could posit a predicted demographic categorical breakdown of the law-breakers that you could safely bet your mortgage on:


Gender: 67 % AWFLs; 23% low-T beta males; 10% trans-adjacent.

Sexual preference: Who Cares/Not Interested 97%; Your Guess is as Good as Mine 3%

“F”-able breakdown: Totally Un-F-able, 90%; “F”able only after 5 drinks, 3%; “F”able only after 5 drinks and hallucinogens 7%

Ethnicity: 85% white; 2% super-duper Liz Warren white (#wemustneverstopmockingher); 5% black (with an over-representation of Somalis); 7% Hispanic (85% of which are here illegally) and 1% Canadian (which fall between white and super-duper white, racially speaking)

Hair color: blonde 7%; dirty-blonde 16%; brunette 31%; color not found in nature 46%

College degree holders: 87%

Percentage of those degrees in social work, education, nursing, psychology or grievance studies: 98%

Facial piercings over/under: 3.5

IQ: under 80 IQ, 82%; 81-100 IQ, 16%; above 100 IQ, 2%.

Those are my predictions, and I’ll stake my crystal brain against the legacy media’s J-school crystal ball any day.

And now… on to my MRI!

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Strategic RINO-ism vs. Satanic RINO-ism, & the SAVE Act (posted 3/11/26)

Sadly, all conservatives are familiar with RINOs – those Republicans in Name Only who pretend to be conservatives when they’re running, only to betray their conservative voting base by voting like (and with) leftists.

I actually prefer the term CINOs – Conservatives in Name Only – since the GOP has often been a home for mushy centrist and center-left pols. That being the case, a liberal Republican can’t fairly be called a RINO, since the “in name only” part suggests that a left-leaning Republican is necessarily an oxymoron. Which, tragically, it is not.

But I’ll use “RINO” in the commonly accepted meaning, since I can’t change our language single-handedly. (If I could, I’d start with the phrases “my truth” and “sex assigned at birth,” the use of which would be capital offenses in an Edenic world in which I was King Martin the First.)

(And what a glorious world that would be!)

Though RINOs are often the bane of our existence, I’ve argued elsewhere that in our political system, they are sometimes necessary. If, for example, a Republican candidate tries to get elected in a purple or even blue state, he or she will necessarily have to run and govern as a moderate or centrist – i.e. a RINO. The kind of rock-ribbed conservatives that I prefer would have no chance of getting elected in a purple or blue-leaning state.

So our real-world choice is usually between a frustratingly centrist RINO type – a Susan Collins in Maine or Mitt Romney in Massachusetts – and a far-left loon. And if a Collins or Romney would vote with us more often than not, they are a better option than the leftist alternative we’d get if we ran a ruby-red conservative who was sure to be defeated there.

As the famous dictum of William F. Buckley (Peace Be Upon Him) says, we should vote for the most conservative electable candidate in every race.

What I’ve been describing so far is strategic RINOism, i.e. the pragmatic decision to support mushy moderates with an R beside their name in districts where such candidates are the least bad options, given an electorate that runs the gamut from deep blue to faintly red.

By Satanic RINOism – and I’ll grant you that the adjective may be a tad harsh – I mean mushy candidates pretending to be conservative when running in a deep red district. In such districts, there is no reason for a conservative base to settle for anything less than a consistently conservative candidate; thus, any stealth RINOs in such areas should be run out of town on a rail, forthwith.

Mitt Romney might be the archetypal example. He was a great GOP choice for MA governor, since he was competent, and the most conservative governor anyone could hope to get in that benighted, midnight-blue state. But he was a terrible choice for Utah senator, where he was a Satanic RINO, i.e. a faux conservative who could have governed extremely conservatively, and yet he governed like a strategic RINO centrist, unnecessarily.

Which brings me to the most infuriating current example of an issue on which Satanic RINOs seem to be hell-bound and determined to torture me, personally: the SAVE Act.

This act is a tailor-made, perfect-for-a-mid-year-election issue. By calling for the most common sense, unobjectionable method to preserve the integrity of our sacred democracy – requiring proof of citizenship and proof of identity to vote – it creates the ultimate trap for dishonest, leftist hacks. There are no legitimate grounds on which to oppose it, which is why the pathetic Democrat arguments against it are so transparently corrupt and false.

Their real argument is that the SAVE Act would drastically reduce the amount of fraudulent votes that could be cast. Because the Democrat party depends on those votes – either from illegals, or from imaginary or dead voters – they need to preserve the fraud at all costs. But they can’t say that out loud.

So they are reduced to bald faced lying (the native language of the Left) – “Nobody ever votes illegally in this country!” – or racist and sexist smears against their own voting base – “You can’t expect women and minorities, with their tiny brains and their pathetic ineptitude, to be able to secure a photo ID just like grown-up, intelligent white guys can do!”

Both of those strategies are ballot box poison, as the aggregate of all polling indicates. Overall, Americans favor the SAVE Act by approximately 84-16%! As many as 70% of Democrats are for it, and the numbers among Independents and Republicans are much higher.

This is not a controversial issue like abortion, or a complicated and potentially confusing issue like health care or tax rate policy. It’s simple, easy-to-explain and understand, and a lopsided winner for conservatives. As such, even the most basic, Politics 101 level of competence makes the proper response obvious:

Run on this! Make it the front-and-center, number one issue in your public campaigning. If you’ve got a majority, force votes on this early and often. Use the filibuster – the real one, where you force your opponents to get up and talk for hours and hours – to publicize the debate. Force them to make their ridiculous arguments in public, which will get them on the record, and provide you with hours of invaluable material for honest, devastating future ads.

The ads write themselves. Show Senator X talking to the point of exhaustion in a transparent attempt to block this popular legislation.

Even if you can’t break the filibuster – and everything I’ve read about this issue suggests that we can – you can still get your opponents on the record as voting against this great legislation over and over again. (The ad Voice-Over: “Senator Jackass took 135 votes in the last 3 months. 14 of those votes were to name bridges after himself; 5 were to support Hamas fans in our colleges; 3 were to dedicate post offices. The other 113 were to ensure that illegals and fraudsters can continue to vote in our elections!”)

The issue will even be useful against the treacherous RINOs in your own party, too. Force the spineless wimps representing red states and districts to either vote as conservatively as they’d promised to, or to betray their base, and thus ensure that they’ll be primaried and forced out at the first opportunity. And you’ll also get the ancillary benefit of providing a useful lesson to everyone else in the party: don’t even think about betraying conservatives or you’ll be dispatched just like Thom Tillis or Liz Cheney!

So what is the GOP doing with this golden, election year opportunity? They’re only tepidly supporting it, like feckless weasels.

Unexpectedly!

John Thune is the Senate Majority Leader, representing deep red South Dakota, which last voted Democrat in a presidential election 62 years ago! He’s not up for re-election until 2028. He’s voted mostly conservative – over 90% with Trump during his first term – but not as conservative as he could or should have – voting around 30% with Biden during his posthumous term.

Even given those RINO-esque tendencies, it should be a no-brainer for him to support and push the SAVE Act. But he’s making idiotic excuses not to. He says he doesn’t have the votes to defeat a filibuster, or to pass it in the Senate.

Again, that kind of wussiness might make sense in an election year if it were a controversial issue – a hard-line anti-abortion bill, or a necessary-but-unpopular budget austerity measure. But this is a 90-10 issue with your base, so even if it did actually fail to beat the filibuster, it would then become a great election issue to beat your opponents with!

Even if Thune were just a craven self-preservationist, it would STILL make sense for him to force a vote. Because that would take the pressure off of him (“You can’t blame me, because I supported it and got it to a vote!”) and put it on the posers in his own party and the dishonest creeps in the opposition. Force them to take a stand on it, and then face the consequences if they vote it down.

I wouldn’t be surprised if the week-kneed GOPers — who are whispering that it can’t pass and hoping that they don’t have to vote on it – actually voted for it, if push came to shove.

And dammit, this is one time that push should definitely come to shove!

Even if it means – correction: ESPECIALLY if it means – that some Satanic RINOs are shoved right out of congress if they won’t do the right thing.

Everybody, call your House members and senators about this!

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NYC Leftists Lie About Jihadi Would-Be Bombers (posted 3/9/26)

Here’s a few questions you’ll never have to ask me, because you already know the answers:

Should we ever stop mocking Elizabeth Warren for launching her academic and political careers by being a pretendian?

Isn’t the fact that billions of people worldwide love soccer proof that it’s a great sport?

Do we hate the media enough?

(For any thinking- impaired folks who have somehow stumbled upon this column, the answers are, “No. NO! And AW HELL no!”)

Because Lizzie is obviously as white as a curling competition in Helsinki in a snowstorm. And no “sport” where grown men who allegedly identify as men throw themselves on the ground and feign injury from the slightest physical contact, and half the games end in a scoreless tie, can be considered “great.”

And for yet another example of how we don’t hate the media enough, one need go no further than this past weekend’s coverage of two Muslim jihadists trying to murder dozens of innocent spectators with IEDs in the caliphate of New York City.

What actually happened is that a small group of citizens gathered outside Gracie mansion (where communist jihadi mayor Zohran Mamdani lives) exercised their First Amendment rights to free speech to protest. Their protest was called, “Stop the Islamic Takeover of New York City.” Leftists organized their own counter protest, called “Run the Nazis out of New York City.”

Sane observers might notice that there is actually an ongoing Islamic effort to take over NYC, whereas there are no Nazis in NYC trying to do the same. Despite having reality on their side, the protesters were outnumbered by the counter-protesters by around 5-to-1.

Because: big, blue Sanctuary City!

The anti-jihadi protesters were actually peaceful. The pro-jihadi protesters, not so much. Two of them – Emir Balat and Ibrahim Kayumi – brought IEDs to their peaceful protest (as one does). They lit the devices, which were filled with nuts, bolts and screws, and threw them at the conservative protesters, screaming “Allahu Akbar!”

Fortunately, the jihadists’ brains are apparently as tiny and dysfunctional as their phalli, and their improvised bombs failed to detonate.

An honest journalist’s headline for this story would be something like, “Islamists demonstrate how peaceful Islam is by trying to murder unarmed protesters with bombs.”

The NBC news headline? “Multiple arrests made after ‘suspicious devices’ found outside Gracie Mansion, home of Mayor Zohran Mamdani, during anti-Islam rally and counterprotest.”

Anyone dumb and gullible enough to be getting their news from NBC would think that those evil conservative anti-Islam protestors had tried to kill peaceful Islamists.

And Mayor Jihadi did his best to reinforce that lie, putting out the following statement: “Yesterday, white supremacist Jake Lang organized a protest outside Gracie Mansion rooted in bigotry and racism. Such hate has no place in New York City. It is an affront to our city’s values and the unity that defines who we are.What followed was even more disturbing. Violence at a protest is never acceptable. The attempt to use an explosive device and hurt others is not only criminal, it is reprehensible and the antithesis of who we are.”

Not content to be out-lied by Mamdani, a NY congressional candidate named Brad Lander (from guess which party?) doubled down on the smear: “Happy to know that our Mayor and First Lady are safe, but horrified that there was such a disturbing threat of violence outside their residence. Vile displays of Islamophobia will never be tolerated in our city.”

Ugh. It’s the same story, time and time again: Violent Islamists try to murder peaceful protesters. The leftist media lie about it, and leftist politicians repeat the lie and amplify it, until the “heroic victims” become the violent Islamists, and the real evil is Islamophobia.

We don’t hate them enough, people.

In happier news, a violent leftist in Portland reaped what he sowed this weekend, and hilarity ensued.

You might have figured that after so many months of futile protests against ICE in Portland, the surly insurrectionists have probably given up, and gone back to their jobs. (HA! Get it?) But no, they’re still at it. This weekend, one of those geniuses tried to light an American flag on fire.

Because of course he did.

Annnndddd… he ended up temporarily in flames.

Sadly, he was able to dislodge himself from the burning flag before he suffered more than superficial burns. Someone recording the incompetent arsonist narrated the action by saying, “What an idiot!”

Ouch! When even other antifa mouth-breathers are calling you an idiot, that’s got to sting.

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Fighting Through the Pain Meds to Laugh at Lefties (posted 3/6/26)

Since my last column four days ago, I’ve spent 3 months suffering from this pinched nerve thing.

Apparently there is a nerve that goes from the base of your skull, down your neck, across your left shoulder and down into your left hand, and if something goes wrong with it, you experience a pain cocktail made up of equal parts deep, throbbing ache, and sudden, stabbing agony.

Also nausea, and a left arm so numb it could be confused with the skull of AOC.

My wife has been great, driving me to a meeting with my primary care doc and to a CT scan, while I was laid out across the back seat biting down hard on a leather belt. Because that’s the way they did it in old Westerns when some gunfighter dug a bullet out of your side with a bowie knife that had been heated up over an open flame.

I helpfully explained to her that the pain was just like what she felt when giving birth to our daughters, only a hundred times worse. It seemed like she almost lost a little bit of respect for me for a minute there, but that was probably just the Oxycodone playing tricks on me.

Oh yeah, did I mention that I’m taking Oxycodone? Along with muscle relaxers, steroids, and that stuff they tranquilize horses with?

Before you ask, yes I realize that it’s not good to combine booze with a fistful of narcotics, so I haven’t touched any Knob Creek 9 since this affliction befell me.

Because it sounds way better to say, “I’ve given up bourbon for lent,” than to say, “I’ve taken up Oxy for lent.”

Anyway, enough about me, and the soul-testing trials that I am too stoic to yammer on about. Here are a few comments about events in the news that I’ve observed, between trips to urgent care and the pharmacy:

So far the much-deserved and long-delayed beating we’re giving to the Iranian mullahcracy seems to be proceeding nicely. Trump clearly has no interest in long, drawn-out foreign adventures in nation building, and we should all be wishing him godspeed in Iran.

Of course, the first Democrat shrieking about a “forever war” and a “quagmire” has already started. And that was on Monday!

Remember how Obama started a bombing campaign in Libya without asking for permission from congress, Reverend Wright or Michelle, and it went on for 7 months, and no Democrat so much as muttered, “no war for oil” in a wee, small voice?

But when there’s a GOP president, “forever war” equals “three-day weekend.”

After the IDF took out the Ayatollah and 40 of his best friends at the breakfast bar last Saturday, I thought it would be very hard to top that achievement. But then on Monday, the second string gathered together to elect the new top dog. (Which is a huge insult to dogs, obviously.)

Annnnddddd… apparently the Israelis had been following those weirdos on Linked in, and knew where and when the meeting would be taking place. Because just as the votes were being tallied, some warheads arrived and dropped the entire building onto the assembled Ayatolli in the first ever celebration of a new Jewish holiday I’m calling… wait for it… Squash Hashanah.

You’re welcome. I’m here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waitress.

My second favorite detail of that story – after squash hashanah – is that those dopes called themselves the “Council of Experts,” which sounds like something a third-rate screenwriter would come up with when the coke has just run out and the studio is demanding a completed draft by tomorrow morning.

Apparently “Council of Incompetents” and “Council of the Clueless” were already taken.

It’s getting so you can’t tell the leadership in Iran without a scorecard, and every score card looks like everybody’s March Madness brackets after a couple of 16 seeds somehow make it into the Final Four. Most of the first string was taken out in the 12 Days War. Then the Ayatollah and most of the second string was taken out last Saturday.

Then the third string learned a lesson about voting: The good news is that at least they didn’t have to deal with any hanging chads when examining the ballots. The bad news?

Exploding chads.

So then I’m scrolling through my feed last night, and I see a story about how many of the IRCG and Iranian police aren’t showing up for work.

Unexpectedly!

One other feel-good story was that we’ve apparently sunk most of the Iranian navy already. We sent the most recent frigate to the bottom via a torpedo from a submarine. The story about that mentioned that it was the first such sinking since WWII, which doesn’t really make sense to me.

I know that we mostly use subs as a means of launching missiles nowadays, but what’s wrong with an old-school torpedo? I mean, our subs are obviously still carrying them right? So torpedoes aren’t broken.

I might be just an old softie, but I’d like to think that some day in the near future I’ll open my laptop and read about how our navy has taken out a Somali pirate ship with a good, old-fashioned torpedo.

Am I saying that I hope it turns out that that pirate ship will have been carrying Ilhan Omar and her brother-cousin-husband, and the entire faculty of the Somali Learing Center?


I’m not NOT saying that.

In other news, Kristi Noem is out and Markwayne Mullin is in at DHS, and I think that is for the best. Trump’s staffing picks have definitely been stronger in his second term than they had been in his first term. His only weak picks this time around have been Bondi and Noem, and Bondi has been more inconsistent than terrible.

And to be fair to them, they were each at least three standard deviations better than Biden’s choices of Mayor Pete, Que Mala, Alejandro “The Border is Secure” Mayorakas, or his two confused cross dressing appointees, to name just a few. (You know things are bad when the best defense of Richard/Rachel Levine is, “Sure, he is a disordered gender-dysmorphia-sufferer, but at least he’s not a recidivist luggage thief, too.”)

From all I’ve seen, Mullin looks great: serious, focused and disciplined. The only strike against him is the way that he violates Simpson’s Rule of Eccentric Names. “Mark” and “Wayne” are both fine names, but putting them together gives famous three-name killer echoes (John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, John Wayne Gacey). And you can’t just jam two names together to make one first name.

Finally, in Texas, Jasmine Crockett got stomped in her Dem primary, and you’d have to have a heart of stone not to laugh at that. Someone needs to put together a video montage of her lowlights, and it needs to end with her reaction on election night, when she made her pouty little concession snarl.

Sorry, I meant “concession speech.”

Or did I?

Her tone-deafness was perfect. After literally years of her party throwing tantrums and insisting that anyone who questioned the integrity of elections was an insurrectionist threat to democracy, Crockett questioned the integrity of her election.

Because of course she did.

She somehow managed to blame her loss in a Democrat primary – where the voters were 100% Democrats – on… Republicans! (You thought I was going to say “racism,” didn’t you?)

She claimed that the GOP made sure that the voting hours were the previously scheduled voting hours. So that the Democrats voting for her opponent were able to vote, but her voters were prevented from voting for her.

Because: voting hours?

“Unfortunately, this is what Republicans like to do,” Crockett said. (And by “this,” she meant, “tricking Democrats into voting for Democrat candidates during the previously scheduled voting hours.”) (I just read that last sentence out loud, and now Cassie the Wonder Dog is staring at me with her head comically cocked at a 38-degree angle to one side.)

“And, so,” continued the race-baiting, low-IQ gal whom we won’t have to kick around any more, “they specifically targeted Dallas County, and I think we all know why. I can tell you now that people have been disenfranchised.”

We’re going to miss you, Jazzy.

Or, to put it in words I know you’ll understand, “Don’t axe for whom the bell tolls. That b***h be tollin’ for ya’ll, girl!”

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Pain Meds, the SOTU, and Operation Epic Fury (posted 3/2/26)

I’ve missed writing this last week, since running into some health problems last Wednesday, but I’m on the mend, and hope to return to form in a couple of days.

I started having some bad pain in the left side of my neck and upper back, which then moved down my left shoulder and arm, creating alternating numbness and strangely migrating pain, and tingling in my fingers. Then came four urgent-care and ER visits, and yada yada yada, I’ve got a pinched nerve situation that a doc described as having “sciatia in the neck.” (It’s affecting the C6 neural pathway, for any medical nerds in the audience.)

Since nothing is more boring than hearing the details of someone else’s medical travails, I’ll just touch lightly on the high points:

I’d describe the pain as being forced to listen to Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib caterwauling their way through a SOTU for four days.

So yes, it likely would have killed a lesser man.

But I have the strength of 10 men, because my heart is pure. And between that and the support of my smokeshow wife and empathetic Wonder Dog — and anti-inflammatory and pain-killing drugs (sweet, sweet, pain-killing drugs!) — I hope to get past this pretty quickly.

In the meantime, I have a few random thoughts, which I’ll try to jot down before my fingertips go completely numb or the Percocet makes me goofier than AOC on her best day.

The SOTU clearly demonstrated the difference between the parties. Trump was at his Trumpiest, and gave his supporters many reasons to cheer, and his detractors many reasons to detract.

Highlights were the multiple traps Trump laid before the Dems, by taking the 90 side of various 90-10 issues, and having their most obnoxious Rashida Tlaib-types enthusiastically jump onto the “10” side. (And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the only time you’ll ever see “Rashida Tlaib” and “10” mentioned in the same sentence.)

The Dems really showed why their approval ratings are in the toilet, even as they are still probably favored to flip the House in November. Half of them didn’t show up, and the half who did made everybody wish they hadn’t.

It was only a few presidential cycles ago when, in the middle of an Obama SOTU speech, a GOP House member pointed out that he was lying by calling out, “You lie!” That violation of protocol was the subject of breathless MSM Jeremiads about the end of democracy for weeks.

Flash forward to the last few years, and you’ve got Imhotep Pelosi dramatically tearing up Trump’s speech right behind him; MTG and Boebert yelling at Biden in ways that might really have affected his concentration, if he hadn’t already died in the late spring of 2019; and last year’s army of identically dressed Dems carrying ping pong paddles with moronic slogans printed on them.

This time Omar and Tlaib heckled and gibbered through half the speech, while Al Green got himself kicked out. Again! This time while carrying a sign making the confusing argument that black people aren’t apes.

I say confusing because nobody was arguing that point in the first place. Plus, it was disorienting to see someone making a reference to other animals, when he so clearly resembles a werewolf halfway through the transformation, and you can’t tell which direction. (I’m guessing that he’s heading from man to wolf, but the reverse could just as likely be true.)

The other big news of the week is obviously the strikes on Iran, which quickly made the SOTU seem like very old news. (Or that could just be me, feeling the effects of a couple of sleepless nights and cursing of the C6 neural pathway that separated the SOTU from the BOTWB.) (Blasting of the Weird Beards. Duh.)

So far I’m impressed by the intelligence and coordination that allowed us and the IDF to hit so many of the top Iranians at a breakfast meeting, repeating the success last year in simultaneous strikes on the top of military and political chains of command.

When I saw an article listing the guys taken out at the waffle station by the kosher kaboom on Saturday, I noticed that their resumes had one thing in common. Most of them had assumed their current position around six months ago, right after their predecessors suffered a highly contagious bout of SOMD. (“Sudden-Onset Molecular Disassembly” Duh.)

I also appreciate a good name for a military operation. “Operation Midnight Hammer” last year was pretty sweet, but it’s tough to top “Operation Epic Fury.”

(Especially when you try to imagine the names that Dems would come up with for their feckless military bungles, such as pointless strikes on empty desert, or botched abandonment of Afghanistan. “Operation Futile Gesture?” “Operation Dyspeptic Half-Measure?”)

In the immediate aftermath, the Dems — and Tucker…sigh… — managed to jump onto what I hope will continue to be the 10 side of yet another 90-10 issue. While jubilant Iranians celebrated in the streets in Iran and around the world, the Dems were outraged at the fall of another tyrant, and at the Orange Menace who keeps knocking them off.

I’m praying for our and our allies’ militaries, and for those people in Iran who were never willing parts of the mullahcracy that has caused so much damage all over the Middle East.

Finally, because some of you have been asking, I recently spoke with CO, and I am cautiously optimistic that we’ll be re-launching a new Facebook page in the near future. I appreciate your patience, and will update you about that as soon as I can.

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