I’m happy to have another good news column today.
Although I expect the remainder of the survivers in Iran’s evil regime to do everything they can to cause more chaos in the near-future, I’m feeling optimistic that we’ll have a positive resolution of the war soon.
The fruit-fly lifespan of the most trouble-causing Iranians continues to be a bright spot. At this point it looks like their one-legged, comatose, cardboard Ayatollah might be the healthiest among them, and our most challenging task may be finding whichever of their fourth-stringers is able to speak for their skeleton-crew government.
One other sign that this story might not be the magic bullet the Dems are hoping will bring down Trump? When the shaky cease fire was announced this week, the oil price dropped from $115 per barrel to $95 overnight, and the stock market recovered a big chunk of the drop since the war started. I don’t know why that kind of recovery shouldn’t be expected, once a more stable cease fire is in place and oil once again flows through the Strait of Hormuz.
The successful Artemis II space trip to the moon and back – along with our soon-to-be-a-major-motion-picture rescue of our downed airman in Iran – also signals a change in the zeitgeist from the recent failure-riffic bumblings we suffered under the Cadaver and the Cackler.
Even in the small things, we’re seeing positive signs. This week Trump’s EPA announced the end of Obama’s 2008 incentive to automakers to install the automatic engine turn-off feature that has been annoying us all for no good reason. I know: it was supposed to save some tiny bit of gasoline by shutting off our engines when we’re stopped in traffic or at a red light.
But even though I’m no gear-head, I can’t believe that that tiny bit of gas savings was worth it, since firing up an engine burns a bit more gas than leaving it at a low idle for a very short time, not to mention the extra wear and tear on a car involved in thousands of more cycles of killing and then restarting an engine.
Besides, as a guy from a blue-collar background, an engine that dies in traffic gives me PTSD flashbacks to all of the dicey, old cars my family and I used to drive! Even now, I’ve only had one new car in my life, and that was technically my wife’s car, bless her smoking-hotness. Our regular pattern in recent decades has been to buy newer used cars.
And I’m very happy to still be driving my 2003 pick-up truck! It’s got a stick, and crank windows, and no lane assist or engine-shut-offs or any other newfangled, added-cost “fixes” of things that aren’t broken. (Get off my lawn!)
On a more substantive topic, I actually saw a positive anti-crime story this week coming out of – and I am not making this up – California! (Quick, check and see if the current residence of the last several ayatollahs has frozen over!)
Of course, in California no crime story can be all good news. This story unfolded Thursday in Tulare County, where 59-year-old deadbeat David Morales was set to be evicted. When deputies showed up to take care of business, Morales opened fire on them, killing Detective Randy Hoppert, 35. A stand-off ensued, and I’m sure Morales figured that he’d end up going to court with a Democrat judge, and getting sentenced to a few months in the can, followed by a toothless probation period.
Because: California.
But before Morales could find that pathetic, soft-headed judge, he had to get through Sheriff Mike Boudreaux first. And through some sort of cosmic mix-up, Boudreaux wasn’t in Florida, where he belonged, but in godless California.
After cowardly Morales killed the detective with a rifle and hid in the house he had been squatting in, he eventually snuck out a window and began firing at cops from a different hiding place. But Sheriff Boudreaux had a heavily armored BearCat vehicle, and the event turned into a gun-vs-BearCat situation. And somehow, in all of the confusion, the murderer found himself in the path of the BearCat and got squashed.
But something tells me that that was not an accident. And that something is the statement that Sheriff Boudreaux made to the press.
To wit: “We intentionally ran him over. Don’t shoot at cops. If you shoot a cop, we are going to run you over. He got run over; he got what he deserved.”
Morales is reportedly in serious condition, with a variety of squash-related injuries.
HA! Just kidding. He’s dead.
Which makes me think three things:
1. The aforementioned, “HA!” followed by “HA HA HA!” and “Next time don’t bring a gun to a squash fight!”
2. If a LEO in California can speak as sanely and openly as that, there may be hope for California yet.
3. But probably not. So if Sheriff Boudreaux gets disciplined or fired because of his excellent deployment of the latest in SFT (Scumbag-Flattening Technology), I’m sure Governor DeSantis will gladly hire him here in the Free State of Florida.
Finally, no matter how feckless the GOP is – and most of them are utterly lacking in feck – the Democrat contenders for office in 2026 and 2028 are way worse.
Jasmine Crockett will soon be out of congress, and – if we’re lucky – running for POTUS or VP. (That’s not new news. I just like to remind myself of it.)
Eric Swallwell is watching his campaign for CA Governor implode under the weight of a bunch of female staffers now coming forward to accuse him of repeated sexual harrassment and worse. (Who would have thought that banging a Chicom spy would turn out to be the most wholesome relationship he’s ever been in?)
Abigail Spanberger’s approval ratings have plummeted in record time, and it looks like the sleazy gerrymander she’s pushing in VA (which she promised last November she would not do) might be collapsing, too.
And as of right now, the runner-up in the Dem presidential polling for ‘28 is Ken-Doll Newsom, in the mid 20 percentiles.
And edging him out by a point or two is…wait for it… Que Mala Harris!
Am I saying that as bad as things get on our side, I would not want to trade places with them?
That’s EXACTLY what I’m saying.
Que Mala/Crockett, ‘28!
0-0-0
If you enjoyed this column, please share it, and click Subscribe (on the bottom of your phone screen, or the right side of your computer screen) to receive a notice when new columns post.
Martin Simpson 