Tag: donald-trump

Thoughts on LA, SCOTUS, and Joe Biden’s Autopen (posted 6/9/25)

Well, LA’s on fire.  Again. 

And this time, as in the past, the Woke Avengers team assembled.  Led by Gavin the Haircut and Karen “Absentee Woman” Bass – plus an assortment of anonymous, mediocre DEI hires who have never done an honest day’s work in their lives – they leapt into action. 

Annnddd… did nothing for 36 hours, at least.

Well, that’s not fair to the Big Mouth Bass, because she released an outraged statement saying, “We will not stand for this!” 

Unfortunately, by “this” she didn’t mean hordes of violent thugs rioting and attacking ICE agents enforcing our laws.  No, the “this” for which she won’t stand is…wait for it…ICE agents enforcing our laws.      

I’m not making that up.  Even though Bass tried to walk that idiotic statement back within about 12 hours, the damage had already been done. The Bass had taken the bait, and been hooked on her own stupidity.  And like another fish-faced far-left mayor (I’m looking at you, Lori Lightfoot…and that’s not easy), this might finally cause her to be reeled in.  Because she appears to have just been flipped to her dorsal side, and prepared for a political grilling that she probably won’t survive. 

But hey, it’s LA.  So maybe she’ll get a “catch and release” parole.   Angelenos sure seem to like doing that with violent illegals.

(They said, “Hey Martin, I bet you can’t come up with 8 juvenile fish-related insults in a story on riots in a Democrat city.” And I said, “Hold my bourbon and watch this.”)

Two bits of good news can come out of this debacle.  First, the pro-illegal-immigrant Left is showing who they are (again!), and that belies nearly everything they’ve said about illegal immigration for the last several decades.  It’s hard to make the case that the vast majority of illegals love America and just want to assimilate and contribute when thousands of them are attacking American law enforcement, burning American flags, and flying the Mexican flag.    

Second, Trump has learned from his past mistakes.  In 2020 he allowed antifa and BLM leftist mobs – and a school of a-political scavenging looters swimming in their wake (bonus fish reference!) – to run roughshod in dozens of leftist cities around the country.  He didn’t call out the National Guard, maybe because he figured that if leftist mayors and governors were content to let their cities burn and would fight any help he tried to give, they could reap what they’ve sown. 

But Trump 2.0 means bidness.  He’s firing as many swamp creatures as he can, blasting away at Ivy League Jew-haters like a truckload of explosive de-groining pagers, and hammering the left with EOs like Sonny Corleone tuning up Carlo with that garbage-can lid.  (If you haven’t watched the Godfather frequently enough to get that reference, begone!)

And this time around, the TWA (Triumvirate of Whoop Ass) – Trump, Hegseth and Hulk Homan™ (plus their chick sidekick in too much makeup and a too-tight costume, Kristi Noem, God bless her) – are going to make the violent radicals WISH the worst thing they had to deal with was some Rooftop Koreans!

Let the mass arrests begin, and the mass deportations accelerate!

Hey, speaking of fish out of water (boom!), I’ve got to give the most unexpected shout-out ever to – prepare to deploy your smelling salts – the three leftist SCOTUS justices!  Each of them wrote a clear and logical (i.e. conservative) UNANIMOUS ruling last Thursday, and I couldn’t be more shocked if I’d been flipping through the channels and came across AOC cogently explaining the Theory of Relativity!

Kagan wrote Smith & Wesson vs. Mexico, finding that of course S&W can’t be held responsible for what violent scumbags do with their product, so mind your business – along with your cartels and fentanyl – Mexico! 

Sotomayor wrote Catholic Charities vs. Wisconsin, finding that of course you can’t discriminate against a religious charity just because you’re a Christophobic bigot.

And perhaps most surprising of all, Ketanji Jeanne-Pierre (HA!) wrote Ames v. Ohio Youth Services, finding that of course discrimination is unconstitutional, even if it’s “reverse” discrimination against whitey or straight people. 

I’m flabbergasted, and don’t know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt.  But just in case this is a sign of the End of Days – and how could it not be? – please get yourself right with Jesus, pronto!

Finally, going from the most unexpected story ever, to perhaps the most expected story ever, I give you the latest in the Joe Biden auto-pen controversy. 

Last week Biden refuted the contention that others had signed many official documents for him without his knowledge, due to his well-documented descent from low IQ hack to confused, to dementia-ridden, to full-blown, stage 4, cuckoo-fried-chicken status.

When his forthcoming statement was announced, many observers watched with bated breath, wondering whether his voice would be steady, his posture upright, and his delivery graceful.

Annnnddddd… he released a written statement instead.

Because obviously the best possible way to refute an accusation that you are too far gone to make a clear statement, so someone else had to produce writing on your behalf, is to…produce a statement written by someone else on your behalf.

Brilliant! 

How do I know for certain that Joe Biden didn’t write “his” statement? 

Because I am a professional student of the written word, with a mind like a steel trap and keen insight into all matters linguistic.

If you don’t believe me – and to quote St. Greta the Self-Righteous, “How dare you?!  You have stolen my dreams with your empty words!” – here is Biden’s laughably phony statement:   

“Let me be clear: I made the decisions during my presidency.  I made the decisions about the pardons, executive orders, legislation, and proclamations. Any suggestion that I didn’t is ridiculous and false.”

And now, here is how that statement would have appeared, IF Brandon had actually written it himself:

“Let me be Claire.  I made the incisions in my presh-dentsy.  I made declensions about pardons, execrable borders, luhsshlation and presti… prestidigi…  Come on man!  Any digestion that I didn’t is raddish and face.  I mean…rhombus and pulse.  You know, you know the thing.   Ummm… uhhh……………………………………………………… We finally beat Medicare.”

And, scene.

Hamas delenda est!

Three Biden Cover-Up Stories (posted 5/30/25)

Today I need to start by thanking you for all the very nice birthday wishes and funny, warm comments.  I love this online family that CO created, and for nine birthdays now, you all have made it much more fun to fight my creeping senescence.  I haven’t been this happy since I saw Ras Baraka open for Bob Marley at Reggae-Fest ’79!

Unless it was when I saw Creeping Senescence open for Metallica at the Rosemont Horizon in ’86.  I’ve still got a little tinnitus from that one.

Anyway, one of the pleasures of a road trip is being cut off from most of the news of the day, and I feel like I should enjoy that more often. But by the same token, one of the satisfactions of being back home is that you can catch up on what you missed when you were gone.  (And realizing how much you are happy to have missed!)  

I’ve been able to zip through 10 days’ worth of podcasts on high speed this week, and it sounds like some of the biggest stories were a trifecta of revelations about Joe Biden: the audio tapes of Hur’s Biden interview were released, Biden’s prostate cancer diagnosis was revealed, and Jake Tapper’s book came out, outlining the shocking discovery that Biden was out of his gourd for his entire presidency.

Unexpectedly!    

I’ve read a bunch of excerpts of the book and listened to Megyn Kelly’s solid interview of Tapper and his co-author, and it’s both fascinating and ridiculous.

The behind-the-scene details were the fascinating parts: Biden’s staff planned to put him in a wheelchair after he won re-election, but had to keep him tottering around in those waffle-stomper shoes until then.  During debate prep, ol’ Joe would just get up and wander out and sit by the pool.  He once waved around an ice cream cone to show Joe Scarborough the sword fighting moves he used to defeat Corn Pop in a duel.

Okay, I made that last one up.  But it was still believable, right?

Everything else about the book is ridiculous.  A bunch of professional politicians, media figures and “journalists” sat for interviews in which they beclowned themselves by either pretending that they had no idea that Biden was cuckoo fried chicken, or admitting that they gaslighted everyone about his dementia. 

Sam Harris, a famous atheist with an undeserved reputation for being super smart, managed to combine the worst of both gambits on a recent podcast. 

He started by playing dumb: “[Biden] clearly understands the issue as well as he ever did.  He’s just not a fluid speaker, and less and less fluid by the hour.  Right.  That is what I assumed was true.  Because of how effective this cover up was, I no longer believe that to have been true.  I think it’s quite possible that he was just checked out to a degree that I did not suspect at the time.” 

Got that?  Sherlock Harris is just now beginning to suspect what all of the millions of us PWFE (People With Functioning Eyes) knew in 2019, if not before. 

We assembled such data points as: shook hands with a ghost; mixed up his wife and sister; tripped over a sandbag; mangled the “all men are created equal” quote; tripped over a sandwich; went straight from hollering Grandpa Simpson to Creepy Whispering Guy; tripped over a grain of sand; pooped on the Pope. 

And we connected those dots. And they formed a flat line on an EEG.   Which Sam Harris could not decode.

But a few minutes later he gave the game away by admitting that he would prefer a diminished Biden if the alternative was Trump.  Or as the Breitbart headlined summed up his argument, “Harris: Would Rather Have Biden ‘In a Coma’ than ‘Evil’ Trump.”

Well, we got four years of Biden in a coma, and that was more than enough, Sammy.

The story of Biden’s metastatic prostate cancer diagnosis only adds more incriminating evidence to the Biden cover-up scandal.  At first the MSM tried to act like this was a surprising new development, but many cancer doctors almost immediately came forward to say that it takes at least 5 years – and more likely 7 to 10 – for slow-growing prostate cancer to spread to the bones.

Then some poor hack suggested that many men are no longer screened for prostate cancer after they turn 75, since they’re more likely to die of other causes before their prostate kills them.  So Biden probably wasn’t even aware he had it. 

Annnnddddd… then PWFBs (People With Functioning Brains) all pointed out that sure, maybe Gus, the retiree on the local HOA board, might not get PSA tests after 75.  But you know who Gus isn’t?

<engage Kinison filter> THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES AND THE LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD!! OH!! OHHHH!!!!  <end Kinison filter>       

Nobody is going to believe that Biden has had cancer since at least age 74, and that he “served” as “president” from age 78 to 82, and nobody on the White House medical staff knew it.  Especially after it came out that the most prominent side effects of the drug commonly used to treat prostate cancer are problems with balance/heightened risk of falling, and mental fogginess.  

(If you look up “heightened risk of falling” and “mental fogginess” in a dictionary, you’ll find Joe Biden’s picture beside both entries.)

Finally, where does Robert Hur go to get his reputation back?   After he interviewed Biden as part of the investigation of Biden’s illegally keeping classified documents, he got flak from all sides, because his conclusion – Biden was guilty, but a jury wouldn’t convict him because he was an elderly man with a bad memory – satisfied no one.

The GOP rightly said that if Biden was too mentally incompetent to stand trial, he was too mentally incompetent to be president.  But that logical point was drowned out in an epic Schiff-storm of Democrats and MSM empty heads screaming that Hur was dishonest, incompetent and corrupt.  

They said that it was gratuitous and unprofessional to even bring up Biden’s memory, ignoring what everybody knew: Biden had kept records that he never had any right to take, and he kept them in at least three different locations, one of which is a super-safe and secure location.  I.e. in a limp cardboard box partially closed with duct tape, beside a Corvette in an unlocked garage through which Hunter’s parades of hookers would regularly wobble, on precariously high heels.

So if Hur couldn’t give a reason why he wasn’t going to prosecute Brandon, he would have had to prosecute Brandon. 

But last week, after over a year of the Democrats smearing Hur, the recordings of the Biden interview were released, and they were even worse than Biden’s debate performance.  Among other revelations, it turns out that Biden DID forget when his son Beau died – a fact he repeatedly denied.

Biden had also ranted to the press about Hur bringing up Beau, barking, “Who the hell does he think he is?!”  But the tapes show that it was not Hur but Biden who brought up Beau, in a vain attempt to figure out when he had taken some of the documents.

In other words, it was a “they said/Hur said” situation, and they were lying.  (Unexpectedly!)

If the Republicans are smart, they will investigate and archive all the details of the outrageous, gaslighting coverup the Dems orchestrated.  Because when any Dems who were anywhere around Biden try to run in 2028, the ads will write themselves:

Cut from the Dem in question praising Biden (“Behind the scenes he’s sharp as a tack.  He’s the best Biden ever!”) to any random video of Biden slurring, falling up stairs, or losing his train of thought.  Then cut from a clip of that Dem attacking Hur’s report for lying that Biden is too old or has a bad memory, to a painful excerpt of his halting fumbling for an answer.

Then fade to black, and the Voice-Over tag line:

“They lied to you then.  They’re lying to you now.”         

Hamas delenda est!

On Lawfare, Rule of Law, and SCOTUS, Part 1 (posted 5/7/25)

If you missed my column on Monday, I mentioned that I’d be posting parts of a debate I’ve been having with a good old friend of mine who is a committed lefty.  I value his friendship – and that of a handful of other long-time leftist friends – in part because knowing him reminds me that everybody on the other side isn’t like the morally bankrupt dullards who make up the elite left, and run the national Democrat party!

There are good Democrats out there, and we shouldn’t be enemies, or let our differences end friendships.  (Unless they make that choice by demanding our agreement with, or submission to, their ideas.)  Their arguments can clarify issues, sharpen our thinking, and sometimes change our minds. 

And while life is too short to get upset over politics, a spirited debate with a good-faith interlocutor who is open to reasonable argument is one of the pleasures of a well-rounded life.  So I thought I’d post some excerpts in the hopes that at least some in CO nation will find this discussion interesting.

I’ve done some editing to remove some personal information and summarize some context, and my friend’s framing of the issues.  (So this won’t really be a debate, as much as my half of it, responding to the topics he raises.)    

This discussion started with him advancing the idea that Trump has repeatedly acted lawlessly, citing the many court cases against him in 2023-24, his conviction on so many counts in the Stormy Daniels case, and especially his defiance of SCOTUS and resistance to giving due process to many deportees, and especially Kilmar Garcia.  And he ended his email to me with a rhetorical challenge as to whether I think everyone should follow “the rule of law.”

I discussed the many flaws in the lawfare cases against Trump, but I agreed with him that Trump would have been better served just bringing Kilmar back – but only to a detention center, where he would get a quickie hearing confirming the original two judges’ decision that he was here illegally, and associated with MS-13.  Then he could be immediately re-deported, but just not to the CECOT prison.

What follows are my thoughts on the “rule of law” as national Democrats are using it, and then on the way Biden and Obama adhered (or didn’t) to the rule of law:   

“Moving on to something that I think we might only mostly agree on, but you can tell me: yes, we should abide by the rule of law.  But as a blanket statement, that hides several types of complications that I’m sure neither one of us would agree to.  To take the most glaring type of examples: If you and I were alive in 1858, the law of the land included the Fugitive Slave Act (1850) and the Dred Scott decision (1857), which meant that blacks could never be citizens, and if an escaped slave made it to your farmhouse, you’d be required to hold him at gunpoint and give him back to his master.  A century later, we’d both have to accept segregated schools, because “separate but equal” was the law of the land until Brown v Board of Education changed it.  And Lincoln famously suspended one of the central legal concepts in our system, habeas corpus (for years, and in contravention of multiple specific rulings from the Taney SCOTUS that he had no authority to do so), when the alternative was to make it harder to fight the South.

So neither of us would accept “submit to the rule of law” as a universal statement.  I’m obviously not comparing any action of Trump or any of our courts now to Dred or Brown.  I’m just pointing out that the rhetorical question, “do you believe in rule of law or not?” creates a false binary that you would not accept 100% any more than I would.

But let me get to a relevant, real-world application of the rule of law idea.  Over 100 legal cases have been filed, and district court judges’ TRO’s have been put on practically every action Trump has taken (from hiring and firing in the executive branch, to enforcing our immigration laws, to stopping Harvard from allowing bullies to violate our civil rights laws in their attacks on Jews, to stopping biological males from going into women’s sports, showers and bathrooms) which is unprecedented.

By comparison, I think I remember that the first TRO ever filed by a district court judge in US history was in the mid-1960s, and the total injunctions against all presidents before this year is around 100.  (As I understand it, before then, nobody ever thought that a local judge – one of 677 nationwide – had the authority to dictate legal and political action in the entire country.  I’m not sure how or why that understanding, which seems like commonsense to me, has morphed into our current situation, in which we now have 677 unelected, de facto shadow presidents who can dictate nationwide policy and paralyze the executive branch, potentially for months or years on end.)  In other words, more have been filed in Trump’s first 90 days than were filed in all of prior US history.

The right-wing commentariat sees that as proof that the left is engaging in a defiant, lawless wave of “lawfare” and an assault on democracy, since it is meant to deny a legitimately elected president whom they hate the ability to carry out the constitutionally prescribed duties of the chief executive.

The left-wing commentariat sees that as proof of Trump’s lawlessness.  “Look at all of that smoke – there has to be a fire there!  These judges are only taking their constitutionally sanctioned jobs seriously, and checking an executive whom they believe is ignoring the rule of law.”  In fact, most of the legacy media lefties are treating the amount of judges ruling (temporarily) against Trump as prima facie evidence that he’s in the wrong.

I think that’s a fair summary of the two sides’ positions, and there are two ways to decide who is closer to right.  The one that we should all do as citizens is to look at the cases and the arguments, and use our God-given reason to evaluate the evidence to come to a conclusion.  (I expect that you and I will do a lot of this in the coming weeks or months, and I look forward to it!)

But the one way that matters most in the real world is obviously what happens when all of these cases are settled, either at the appellate level or the SCOTUS level. If the lawyers you cited a couple months ago are right, and Trump loses the vast majority of these cases on appeal or at SCOTUS, and he then defies those rulings, you’ll be able to say that he’s violating the rule of law, possibly even as much as Biden did.  (More on that below.) 

If, on the other hand, I’m right, and Trump wins the majority of these cases – either because an appellate court found for him and SCOTUS didn’t take it up on appeal, or because lower courts found against him and SCOTUS reversed them – will you then agree that “the rule of law” dictates that you and all of the progressives in the nation cannot legally prevent Trump from carrying out Obama-style deportations, streamlining executive agencies, protecting women from biological males in sports and bathrooms, forcing the Ivy League to either comply with federal civil rights laws or lose federal funds, etc.? 

I’m going to guess that’s a hard NO! 😊 If so, will you then be a proud conscientious objector to “the rule of law?”  And if that’s the case, are you sure that you’re as devoted to the rule of law as you’ve thought you were?  I’m not trying to irritate you, but I think that’s worth contemplating.

0-0-0

Finally, I share some of your concerns about the role of SCOTUS, but I’d like to save that for my next email.  Instead, I’d like to end with 4 examples (not counting Biden’s systematic breaking of our immigration laws) of issues on which Biden and the Dems have openly violated and flouted SCOTUS rulings, and see how many of them you agree with me on.  I’m not bringing them up to make a tu quoque argument, but to explore your ideas about rule of law.

The four issues are: illegal student loan “forgiveness,” forced covid vaccine use, illegal eviction moratoria, and sanctuary city/state violations of the supremacy clause.  I’ve summarized them, but if you already know them well, you can just skim to the bottom.

1. The student loan “forgiveness” program.  This was obviously popular with a couple of groups who are (unexpectedly!) a big part of the Democrat support base: students who had school loans, and universities who would profit greatly from more students attending in the belief they would be able to stick the taxpayers with the bill.

If Biden wanted to do this legitimately, he could have tried to get a bill passed through congress and then sign it.  But he knew that he couldn’t do that, because the majority of Americans hated the idea. (That pesky democracy again!) So he acted unilaterally, and simply declared that many billions of dollars of school debt was no longer the responsibility of those who had borrowed it and benefited from it, but of the taxpayers.  He first attempted to do it in August of 2022, and even NPR admitted that “its warm reception by younger voters may have contributed to Democrats’ better than expected showing in the midterms.”

Of course Biden didn’t care that this cynical, illegal vote-buying scheme was clearly unconstitutional – it helped him stop a GOP “red wave.”  And by the time SCOTUS shot it down (duh!) in June of 2023, he’d unethically gotten the result he wanted.  But Biden still didn’t abide by the rule of law; instead, he pushed the work-around SAVE act, which tried to do the same thing, except by instituting an income-based repayment plan, with a shortened time until the remaining balance would be forgiven.  (The result was the same: billions of debt transferred from those who owed it to those who didn’t!)  

By August of 2024, that plan too had been stopped by appellate courts, and SCOTUS finally killed it on the same grounds as before: a president isn’t a king who can unilaterally stick a bunch of poor and working-class people with the debts voluntarily taken out by generally richer college graduates. 

And rather than accepting that the courts had gone against him, Biden demonized the GOP and the courts, accusing them of “literally snatching from the hands of millions of Americans thousands of dollars of student debt relief that was about to change their lives.  These Republican officials just couldn’t bear the thought of providing relief for working class and middle class Americans.”

Ugh!  You can’t get more dishonest than telling people that the GOP wouldn’t let him “forgive their student debt,” when he knew damn well that he couldn’t legally do that.   If that wasn’t bad enough, he then bragged about defying the rule of law: “The Supreme Court blocked us.  But that didn’t stop us.  We continued to find ways to reduce student payments.”

2.  Biden and the Dems did the same thing with the covid vaccine mandates.  In 2022 – over a year after we knew for certain that the vax did not prevent you from getting it or spreading it, and after a lot of evidence of the danger of sometimes deadly and often lifetime-injury-causing heart damage (myocarditis and pericarditis) in young people, especially males – Biden rammed through a requirement forcing federal employees to take the experimental shot or lose their jobs.  (No more spouting off about “my body, my choice!”)  He also tried to force large private employers to coerce their employees to take the shot.  Even as he was doing that, he admitted that SCOTUS might say that it was unconstitutional…but he did it anyway.  Eventually SCOTUS slapped down those policies, but not until millions of healthy people had been strong-armed into submitting.

3. When he first came into office, Biden pushed a moratorium on tenants having to pay rent for a few months, and then he extended it for 3 more months.  At least he tried to use congress to pay for this, though he only secured $25 billion in aid, which was already $80 billion short of what was needed to cover the rent that tenants had stopped paying by late spring.  A responsible pol would have either gone back for more cash, or else told the public the free rent had to stop.  Instead, Biden extended his federal eviction moratorium that Congress had NOT authorized (and which was clearly unconstitutional on its face) and that he knew wouldn’t be paid for, forcing landlords to allow their tenants to squat in their properties for the foreseeable future.

As you can imagine, that was personal for me, since it threatened to bankrupt me.  I know some lefties loved the idea of poorer tenants getting to stick it to “rich” landlords, except that many small landlords like me rely on rents being paid to survive.  (Not to mention the fact that stealing is wrong, even if you empathize with the thief and hate his victim!)  And of course the Dems didn’t force the REALLY rich –  huge corporations like Deutsche Bank, Chase, Bank of America, etc. – to take it in the shorts.  Only guys like me.

So my tenants could tell me to suck it, and sit in my houses without paying.  But I didn’t get a “mortgage moratorium” – if I had stopped paying my mortgages to Chase for six months, they’d have taken my houses from me. 

SCOTUS finally ruled the obvious way in June of 2021, ordering the Dems to stop boning landlords.  So what did the “Rule of Law” party do?  (Can you tell this example gets me especially pissed? 😊)  They told SCOTUS to stick it, and kept screwing landlords for three more months, forcing them to apply for emergency relief, which SCOTUS finally gave them in a pointed opinion at the end of August, after 8 months of Biden-caused losses.  

(I didn’t have any losses, because I live in a state with a great governor who declared that squatting wasn’t going to work in Florida.  And because I’ve got good tenants.  And because any tenants who tried to stiff me would have seen the murder in my eyes, as well as the likelihood that I’d burn my own property down before I’d let some deadbeat squat in it.  Because: Appalachia!)

4. The sanctuary city/state policies that many progressive local governments have are also clearly illegal as well.  But when some GOP governors and pols (and now Trump) started talking about withholding federal funds to get compliance, the progressives said that the GOP was the law violator.  Because sanctuary cities should be able to break federal laws at will, while still being entitled to full funding from the government whose laws they are breaking, I guess?

This despite a lot of precedent from the 1970s and 80s, in which multiple SCOTUS rulings said that the federal government could withhold federal highway funds (for one example) to coerce states into following federal wishes (not even laws, but just things the feds wanted!), e.g. changing speed limits or drinking ages to ones the feds approved of. 

In all of the above cases, when SCOTUS – not a partisan lower court judge, but the highest court – ruled against lefty wishes, Biden and Dems showed no respect for the rule of law.  He defied one ruling after another, demonized SCOTUS on student loan “forgiveness,” said that the vax ruling was “a mistake,” and also smeared the obviously correct affirmative action/racial discrimination ruling against Harvard as evidence that “this is not a normal court.” 

And I don’t remember Chris Van Hollen or any other national Democrat excoriating Biden for flouting the rule of law! (In fact, Chuck Schumer directly threatened SCOTUS judges whose rulings he didn’t like: “You’ll never know what hit you, Gorsuch and Kavanaugh, you’ll reap the whirlwind…”)”

Okay, this hasn’t been my usual snark-fest of a column, but I’m curious to hear CO nation’s thoughts. 

For those who are willing to persevere, I’ll post more tomorrow, this time on the likelihood of an actual “constitutional crisis” if this lawfare persists…

Hamas delenda est!

Tim Walz Thinks He Can Talk to Regular Guys, & a Greek Lady Blows Herself Up (Posted 5/5/25)

I’ve got a hodge podge of stories for you this Monday, starting with the results from Friday’s semi-final round of the April Moron of the Month competition.  This vote was the closest so far, with Chris Van Halen edging out the broke baristas and Grandma Squanto to move on from the southern division.

So the competition has come down to four finalists, in reverse chronological order: 

Chris Van Hollen in his role as a dim-witted Juliet with a school-girl crush on brooding, gang-banging wife-beater Kilmar “Romeo” Garcia

Michelle Obama for her performance as a narcissist, and also a bitter, angry, black woman upset by the stereotype of black women as angry and bitter  

Elie Mystal, a racist, public “intellectual” who apparently thinks the constitution was written after 1965, and

Jasmine “Lashes” Crockett, another thick-as-a-whale-omelette racist who thought she was taking the moral high ground by arguing that we should allow illegals to stay here because… wait for it… we need them to be our slaves! 

If you need to refresh your memory on the finalists, you can see their nominating write-ups in four of my April columns, available at Martinsimpsonwriting.com.  Get your votes in this week, and I’ll announce the winner on Friday.  

Among the many worthy contestants I could have written about as April MOM contestants was former VP candidate Tim Walz, who recently gave a speech at Harvard (because of course he did) that touched on why Que Mala chose him as her VP pick. 

You’ve all heard his explanation: “I could code talk to white guys watching football, fixing their truck, doing that, that I could put them at ease.  I was the permission structure to say, ‘Look, you can… vote for this.”

Or maybe we can’t.

I don’t claim to be King of the White Guys with pickup trucks who like football – though I am a member of the Ruling Council – but phony phrases like “code talking” are just the kind of idiotic language that we laugh at during our Council meetings. 

The word “code” implies some mysterious language, shared by a small in-group that is opaque to the larger world.  It calls to mind secret writing in invisible ink, Enigma machines, or Navajo code-talkers who outfoxed our enemies in WWII by using their obscure dialect that no outsiders could understand.

But men are almost half of the population, and we’re not particularly mysterious.  A thousand hack comics have done a thousand cliched bits about the limited set of interests – in addition to the aforementioned football and pickup trucks – that most men have: ancient Rome, World War II, action movies, women with a .7 waist-to-hip ratio and who like men, and 2-3 items from the following list: fishing, hunting, MMA, booze, cigars, and guns. 

Even when it comes to politics, we’re pretty predictable.  Give us lower taxes, law and order, free speech, merit-based rules, men kept out of women’s sports and spaces, and the right to shoot criminals who try to victimize us, and we’re good. 

Did you notice some of the stuff NOT on that list?

Jazz hands, crazy wives, tampons in men’s bathrooms, struggling to load a shotgun as if you’d never seen a shotgun before, and abandoning your National Guard unit right before you’re supposed to deploy with them to a war zone.  

Oh, and you know what NO pick-up driving, football-watching white guy would EVER seek from a theatre-kid, Temu Midwestern guy weirdo in a million years? 

“Permission” to vote the way we want to.

Which leaves only one thing we agree with Tim Walz about: he’s a knucklehead.

From Greece comes a new entry in the “Stupid Criminals” category:  

I have not kept up on a lot of current events in Greece, but apparently they’ve got a problem with crime, just like everywhere else.  Some of that problem comes from radical leftist groups who think that using violence to achieve their political ends is justified. 

Unexpectedly!

One such group calling itself Revolutionary Class Struggle – I hereby subtract 10 points for lack of originality – has recently decided to start bombing public buildings such as train stations.  One of their suspected members, a 38-year-old woman with a criminal record, carried out another bombing last Saturday morning.  

Her target was a bank building’s ATM.  She was apparently a firm believer in the old Greek saying, “Αν θέλετε κάτι να γίνει σωστά, κάντε το μόνοι σας.”  (“If you want something done right, do it yourself.”)

Because she took the bomb to the bank herself.  Unfortunately for her, just when she got to the site, she experienced the heartbreak of premature detonation.  She was carrying the bomb in her hands when it went off, and was so badly wounded that she was rushed to a nearby ancient amphitheater, where she died dramatically on stage.

Just kidding.  She was taken to a hospital and died there.  

No security video from the ATM has been released, but I’m guessing it sounded something like this:

“iii laos, enomenos, den mporei pote na ittithei – mpoum!”

Translation: “The people, united, can never be defeat—Boom!”

Followed by: “och!  ta car mou!  metaniono amesos gia tis apophases mou!”

Translation: “Ouch!  My hands!  I immediately regret my decisions!”

You may be wondering, “Martin, do you think your old Greek professor would be proud of you using English-to-Greek translation software to make fun of a leftist Greek terrorist getting blown up by her own bomb, instead of translating Aristotle, or the New Testament?”

Fine.  You got me.  I’m a complicated man, and though I love Greek philosophy and the New Testament, I’m also not above enjoying a little Three-Stooges-style illustration of the “you reap what you sow” verses.   

Especially when it comes at the expense of a would-be terrorist who apparently knew as little about bombs as Tim Walz knows about shotguns.

And just like the citizens of California, and New York, and Illinois, and other blue states and cities all over the world, that Greek gal learned a valuable, universal lesson: leftist plans tend to blow up in your face!

Okay, that’s it for my Monday column. 

Over the next several days, I’m going to post a few columns that are unusual for me.  I’ve been corresponding with several lefty friends, and one of them challenged me on the question of rule of law, and what I think of Trump’s defying SCOTUS in getting Kilmar back from El Salvador.  I gave him my thoughts, but also pointed out the many ways that Biden (and Obama) have defied the rule of law and the courts.

I then got to thinking about the nature of SCOTUS, and the ways in which its past and recent actions could potentially lead to an actual “constitutional crisis” – unlike the faux ones that the left imagines every time Trump does something they don’t like.

The result is several columns’ worth of my more-sober-than-usual thoughts on the courts.  I’ll be interested in seeing what many in CO nation think of those, and especially what any lawyers here may add, in terms of corrections and explanations…

Hamas delenda est!

The Final April Moron of the Month Nominees (posted 5/2/25)

Now that May is here, it’s time to complete the April Moron of the Month nominations.  For this final round, we have three nominees from the southern division.  Next week I’ll put the four “winners” from all divisions up to a full vote of CO Nation.

Our first nominee today arose during the raging debate about whether Trump should be allowed to do what all presidents before him were allowed to do – i.e. deport people who came here illegally.  In their zeal to jump on a political grenade, and thus cling like grim death to the 5% side of a 95-5 political issue, the Dems scoured the countryside to find what I’ve called “a self-detonating hero.”

First they picked Mahmoud Khalil, the pro-Hamas activist at Columbia.  But since he was here on a student visa, he wasn’t a good pawn for the Dems who were trying to scare Americans that American citizens could be deported next.  So they went looking for an innocent, sympathetic American citizen whom Trump’s Gestapo illegally deported…annnnnndddd… they couldn’t find one. 

Because they’re lying, and Trump isn’t deporting squeaky clean seminarians who are also American citizens. 

So they eventually landed on Kilmar Abrego Garcia and said, “Close enough.  He’s married to an American citizen and has a couple of citizen kids, so we’ll call him a ‘Maryland father’ and lean in on the pathos.”

This struck many elected Dems as a great idea, and one of them elbowed his way to the front of that low-IQ pack.  This man, and today’s first nominee, is Senator Chris Van Hollen, a man so bland that even a political junkie like me could not have recognized his face or his name a month ago.  (And I remember that Senator Flat-Top from Montana who just lost was named Jon Tester.)

If you had put a gun to my head in March and said, “Tell me who Chris Van Hollen is or I’ll blow your head off!” I would have immediately started flop-sweating and guessing. 

“Um, the black guy who’s reasonable about 10% of the time?” (No, that’s Van Jones.)

“Uh, the great Irish singer?” (That’s Van Morrison.)

“Okay… that space thing?” (You mean the Van Allen Belt?)

“The classical pianist?” (That’s Van Cliburn.)

“Just shoot me already!”

And, scene.

Anyway, this mediocre man took one look at Kilmar the tattooed wife beater (allegedly) (but c’mon!), and saw his big chance.  He ran in front of the cameras and began to pontificate.  “Donald Trump’s midnight kidnapping and subsequent illegal deportation of my constituent Kilmar cannot be allowed to stand!  I am going to go to El Salvador myself, and demand to see him!”

And the reporters all looked at each other.  Then one said, “And you are?”

And Van Hollen drew himself up to his full height – probably 5’5”, though I haven’t checked – and said, “Senator Chris Van Hollen!”

After a long moment of blank stares, one reporter pointed to him and said, “Ooh!  Were you the drummer, when Eddie was shredding on the guitar and Roth was the front man?!”

“Um, no.  That was Alex Van Halen.  I’m Chris Van Hollen.”

And the reporters gave a disappointed groan.  “Awwww.”

But they soon realized that they might be able to use what’s-his-name to hurt Trump, if it turned out that Kilmar had been tortured in El Salvador.  So they encouraged his delusions of relevance, and followed him south. 

You know the rest.  Van Hollen flew to El Salvador, bloviated for the cameras, and eventually got to go on a dream date with everyone’s favorite Maryland man.  

They stared deep into each other’s eyes, while Van Hollen stroked Kilmar’s hand — although that may have been to try to cover up the gang tattoos – while Kilmar whispered in a throaty Spanish accent, “My turn-ons are long walks on the beach, giving my wife a pop when she gets a little mouthy, and human trafficking.  My turn-offs are the rule of law and Hulk Homan™.”

It was a PR disaster.  (Unexpectedly!)

Within two weeks, Van Hollen went from total unknown, to vaguely recognizable opportunist, to political poison.  When several elected Dems with ten-cent heads followed in his footsteps and flew to El Salvador a few days later, the party leaders had a fit.  Hakeem Jeffries had to make a humiliating public statement: No more going to El Salvador, you morons.  

Our second nominee is an old favorite: the Pale Pawnee, the Translucent Tonkawa, the Land o’ Lakes Butter Maiden come to life… Grandma Squanto Warren!  (#wemustneverstopmockingher)

She might have qualified based on one tweet alone, from April 21st.  She was responding to Trump’s announcement that student loan repayment was going to re-start, after 5 years of using covid as an excuse for embracing dead-beat borrower status. 

This was one of Trump’s most popular actions, and a smart politician would have kept her powder dry on this one.  Or I guess in her case, her arrows quivered?

But not “Ghost Dances with Entitlement.”  She fired off this tweet: “This decision is all about punishing student loan borrowers.  Instead of lowering costs, Trump wants to take money out of your grandma’s Social Security check.”

What can you even say about that?  Other than, “Shameless!” and “Feh!”  Insisting that borrowers pay what they owe is “punishing them?”  And why drag grandma and her social security check into this?

But that wasn’t Warren’s low-light of the month.  Because that came in the podcast interview she did with a guy named Sam Fragoso — and if you haven’t seen it, you should. 

Fragoso comes across as a non-threatening presence – he’s got the vibe of somebody who might be halfway through a transition, and I’m not sure which direction he’s going in.  But he has enough integrity to at least push back when Warren is obviously lying.

The topic was Biden’s mental condition, and when Fragoso asked if she regretted saying that “Biden had a mental acuity” and “a sharpness to him,” Lizzie tried.  After an awkward pause, she said, “I said what I believed to be true.”

When Fragoso gently followed up, “Do you think he was as sharp as you?” it caught her by surprise.  She let the mask slip for a moment, and almost laughed at that absurd idea, before salvaging a careful, “I…said that… I had not seen a decline.”

A few seconds later, she gave it the old war-path try: “The thing is… he… Look. He was sharp, he was on his feet, I saw him, live event—”

Fragoso once again showed more integrity than the MSM hacks she is used to dealing with, because he interrupted her with a little sarcasm: “Senator, ‘on his feet’ is not praise!  He can speak in sentences is not praise.”

And Liz visibly crumbled, shaking her head and grimacing guiltily.  “All right.  Fair enough, fair enough.” 

Her surrender couldn’t have been more clear if she had recited the last lines of her ancestor, Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce’s famous surrender speech: “Hear me, my chiefs; my heart is sick and sad.  From where the sun now stands, I will fight no more forever.”

Of course, she’s a phony politician, and her interviewer is sympathetic to the leftist cause.  So when she followed with the lamest rhetorical escape attempt – saying, “The question is… what are we going to do now?” Fragoso said okay, and let her move on to talking about how the Dems are going to resist Trump. 

But for that brief, shining moment, she looked as dumb as she had when she proudly announced that her DNA test proved that she was Native American

.0000023 % Native American!

My final nominee is a departure, in that it is not an individual, but a group: the baristas who work at a small, upscale chain of Minnesota coffee shops called Café Ceres. 

Last fall, the coffee-slingers at all four locations voted to unionize, and then started a six-month negotiation.  Though they ended up earning in the range of $25-30 an hour with tips, plus 80% coverage of their insurance premiums, that was not enough.  They also demanded “a role in managing the business” including deciding where the chain sourced its milk, and the right to wear pro-Hamas pins at work. 

Annnnddddd…the owners said screw it, and closed the business.  (Unexpectedly!)

To which the only reasonable response is one firm blast from the sad trombone (Wah, wahhhh!), followed by a chorus of, “Ha! HA! HA HA!  HA HA HA!”

The denouement of this episode of “FAFO Comes to Breakfast” was a hilariously tone-deaf and delusional press release from the entitled workers, after they discovered that the real minimum wage is zero:

“We bargained with the company for 6 months, fighting them each step of the way to include immigration protections, fair wages, healthcare, and to secure DEI values…. We’re devastated…. We’re now faced with the harsh reality of finding new work and making last minute plans to stay secure.” 

You mean that your employer wasn’t eager to put up with your stupid DEI values, just for the privilege of trying to manage a group of surly employees who “fight them every step of the way?”   The hell you say!

They’ve got one thing right, though: they are now facing harsh reality. 

And if they can actually look in a mirror, and learn from this experience – throwing the pro-Hamas pin in the trash would also be a good move – it might not be too late for some of them to avoid that particular circle of Dante’s Inferno that they had been heading for.

I’m speaking, of course, of the Circle of the Bitter, Entitled, Leftist Cat Ladies.

Because as their former employers and boyfriends who dodged that bullet warn anyone willing to listen, “Abandon all hope, ye who enter there!”

Okay CO nation, place your votes…

…and Hamas delenda est!

My Report Card on Trump’s First 100 Days (posted 4/30/25)

Though I got too busy to respond to the comments on Monday’s column, it’s clear that Michelle Obama has advanced out of the semi-finals in the Moron of the Month competition.  And let me thank you all for your votes, and your kind comments.

However, when I mentioned that I am not going to succumb to the requests to post nude selfies on my website in a desperate attempt to boost my subscriber count, some of you – a hurtful number, to be honest – insisted that you wouldn’t want that anyway.

Jennifer England Land was typical, posting, “Here for the words not the nudes.”

Nice try, Jennifer, but I know all about reverse psychology, and I’m not going to fall for your sneaky ploy.  I’ve spoken with your husband, and we both agree that you need to take a cold shower and focus on the political humor. 

Now if I can just repeatedly snap my fingers and remind everyone in CO nation that my eyes are up here, I’ll continue with my report card on Trump’s First 100 Days.   

To celebrate the fact that the Cubs have not yet been mathematically eliminated from this year’s playoff race, I’m going to say that I think Trump is batting around .750 right now, which is the best since Reagan by a long shot, and roughly .749 better than Biden.   

(It’s hard to assess a comparable batting average for Reagan, because the political game was so different in the 1980s.  We weren’t the brokest nation in history, owing $36 trillion; there were only two genders, and a “tranny” was in your car, rather than in a library reading books to toddlers; and the national Democrats hadn’t completely taken leave of their senses.) 

I’ll break down the good Trump and the bad Trump, starting with the bad, in the spirit of following a little medicine with a whole lot of sugar.  If any of you are always-Trumpers, you might want to skip the next few paragraphs.  Or better yet, you might want to read them, and get some constructive criticism from an ally who really wants to see him succeed.  

I think that Trump has only made three wrong moves of any consequence so far.  The most important is his flawed tariff roll-out, because it has potentially the biggest impact, since perceptions of the economy tend to bleed over into overall perceptions of an administration.

In the past Trump has used the element of surprise to his benefit before, especially in a military context.   “Is he going to take out Soleimani, or the top guy in Iran, or Putin?  Who knows?  But maybe.  So they better mind their business.”  But economic unpredictability doesn’t work as well, and needlessly screws with the kind of free-market investors and businesses whose lives conservatives should be making easier rather than harder.  

It’s unsettling that Trump seems to regard trade deficits and non-reciprocal tariffs as equivalent –they aren’t – and that he has unnecessarily treated our allies as harshly as he has our enemies, by hitting everyone with tariffs, including those who have little or no tariffs against us.

Having said all that, I think he’ll adjust course, and we’ll end up with at least marginally better deals with almost all nations within a year or so.  But when we need to get so much done in a very short time, our speed and efficiency is hampered, and everything is made harder when markets are roiled and the public is more sour about the overall economy than they had to be.

I think his second mistake was his handling of Ukraine, though I see that as a quasi-push.  He’s way better than Biden, and we needed to put Zelensky in time out and stop shoveling mountains of cash into Ukraine with no accountability.  But saying that Ukraine started the war is a lie, and a dumb one. 

Zelensky has a lot of flaws, and the Ukraine is corrupt and flawed too.  But Putin is an evil, mass-murdering KGB thug, and he started the war.  Going softer on him than you do on Ukraine hurts the chances for peace.  And going from promising, “I’ll end the war on day 1,” to “If Putin doesn’t come to the table, we’re walking,” is not a good look – and it’s what Putin wants anyway!

Trump’s third mistake is a result of his first: he contributed to the election loss of the solid conservative Pierre Poilievre in the Canadian election on Monday.  I’ve seen some conservatives blast claims that Trump is responsible, but they are only partially right.  Ultimately, of course, Canadian voters are to blame if they reject a good conservative for a lousy leftist one.

But several months ago, Poilievre was up by 20 in the polls, and an almost certain winner.  Trudeau and the liberals had been in power for 10 years, and had produced terrible results.  (Unexpectedly!) Trump or no Trump, the liberals’ chances of victory were improved by Trudeau’s resignation, and the fact that Mark Carney came in and did the two things most likely to produce a leftist victory: he reversed an unpopular leftist policy (axing a “green” gas tax) and shamelessly lied about his agenda.

But it wasn’t just Trump’s tariff battle that hurt Poilievre; his bluster about making another country our 51st state would arouse a sense of patriotism and resentment in the citizens of any nation, and it did here.

I love having Milei in Argentina and Bukele in El Salvador, and it would have been great to have a third strong conservative running a country in this hemisphere, especially in the closest country to us, geographically and financially.   And while this will hurt Canada worse than us, it’s still a senselessly missed opportunity. 

Okay, assuming the always-Trump contingent of CO nation has restrained themselves from burning me in effigy… I don’t just LIKE everything else Trump has been doing – I LOVE it!

Closing the border and deporting Biden’s 10 million illegals was the most serious challenge facing him, and Trump has been knocking both of those out of the park.  Hulk Homan™ is a superhero, and Stephen Miller is a dead-eyed killer of would-be troll journalists.  And the Democrats are earning their record low ratings by spooning with the worst tattooed gangbanging thugs they can find. 

Government waste and corruption had come to seem like an inevitable fact of life, but DOGE is making great progress, and will hopefully continue to apply to it the most powerful antidote of all: public exposure.

As an academic, I’ve been tortured for years by the blatant bias and arrogance of the smug left that has dominated our universities since before I was born.  But in just a few short months, Trump has fired volley after volley at the Ivory Towers, and now he is rolling the most ominous of his siege engines into place: federal dollars and the tax exemptions without which the anti-Semitic and anti-American narcissists inside cannot hold out for long!

Trump’s biggest weakness in his first term was inexperience, especially when it came to picking good personnel, and understanding how deeply embedded the human ticks of the deep state were in every government agency.  Now he knows so much more about both, and has upped his game immeasurably.

Just about every cabinet member and appointee has been a clear improvement over those in his first term, and he’s made innovative use of the weapons that the Dems left for him.  Rather than having to create something like DOGE from scratch, he repurposed Obama’s “Department of Governmental Efficiency.”  What had been a lie and distraction in Obama’s hands is now a battle axe in Trump’s, and he’s been cleaving dead weight from the bureaucracy like Arnold in a Conan movie.  

He similarly repurposed Biden’s CBP One app, which was formerly used to facilitate illegal entry into our country, and is now being used to warn and encourage those illegals to self-deport.  He also transformed the forgotten Roosevelt Reservation – a narrow strip of land along our southern border from the Pacific to Texas, established by TR in 1907 – into a “national defense area.”   This had two fantastic effects: it allowed the use of our military to supplement civilian border control forces, and it added enhanced criminal penalties for those who cross it illegally.    

The good news is coming in so many areas that it’s hard to keep up with.  Bobby Kennedy’s MAHA is off to a good start; the pulling back on counter-productive solar and wind farms and the ramping up of oil, natural gas, nuclear power and even cleaner coal is all great.  Getting rid of DEI and corrupt NGOs won’t just save us money, it will prevent the damage that that money was doing. 

On so many fronts, the “FA” phase is over, and the glorious “FO” phase has begun!

I’m still frustrated by how many delays are being caused by the illegitimate lawfare going on all over the country. But as the Dems and their arrogant, far-left judges keep going farther and farther, they are (hopefully!) only speeding up the day when a maddeningly reluctant SCOTUS is forced to move.  And since I’m an optimist, I have to believe that we’re going to win most of the battles ahead of us: the president has to be the one in charge of the executive branch, and the supremacy clause has to mean that federal enforcement is going to trump illegal sanctuary city efforts, and civil rights and Title IX rules have to trump the Jew haters on campus and women haters in women’s sports and spaces.

During the 47 years of the Biden administration, I constantly had to limit my exposure to current events, because it was so depressing to see the damage the left was doing to my country.  But now I can’t wait to get to the computer in the morning, and start scrolling through the mostly good news of the day, and good omens for the future.

Because I really do expect that as we head into mid-summer or so, the good news stories are going to start cascading.  The first trade deals are going to start to be signed, which will settle and then encourage the markets.  New manufacturing will either ramp up or start – chip-making in AZ, car-making in IN, power plants to replace failing solar and wind and to meet demand everywhere.

The court rulings are also going to start to come out, and those should have an excellent snowball effect.  There are probably a dozen TROs stopping Trump from cutting spending and firing unnecessary employees in multiple executive departments, and another dozen saying he can’t withhold federal funds to enforce federal laws, and many dozens saying he can’t deport illegals without years-long trials-of-the-century for each illegal.   If and when SCOTUS finally rules correctly on one case in each area, each precedent will cause many lawfare dominoes to tumble. 

The principle of “pour encourager les autres” – for the encouragement of others – will magnify each win, and create more momentum.  The two radical judges now facing charges after committing pro-illegal felonies, the various morons who have gotten caught vandalizing Teslas, the jihadi-enthusiasts on student visas who have now been kicked out – all of those are cautionary tales to all but the dumbest of the troublemakers.

Perhaps most importantly, when millions of illegals see the NGOs and sanctuary programs that used to support them ramping down, and ICE ramping up, and their countrymen getting caught and deported, they’ll start to self-deport. 

If we can settle some of the tariff uncertainty and continue the progress in so many areas, I think that although our House and Senate majorities are very thin, there’s even a decent chance we can avoid the historic pattern of a president losing the House and/or Senate in the midterms! 

If all of that happens, plus our wandering CO returns to us, our future will be bright indeed!

I leave you with two last thoughts:

No means no, Jennifer.

…and…

Hamas delenda est!

“Self-Detonating Heroes” are Plaguing the Dems (posted 4/21/25)

I hope everybody had a great Easter, or Passover, or regular spring weekend.

My theme today is the addition of a new category of stories for this and future columns: The “Democrats’ Backing the Wrong Horse” stories.  In some of these, the elite left chooses as “villains” those who are later vindicated or otherwise come out on top.  Examples would include Kyle Rittenhouse, Daniel Penny and the Covington school kids, as well as Trump himself, who overcame lawfare, the Russian hoax and two assassination attempts to win a second non-consecutive term.

But there’s another sub-category that is on my mind today – probably because I’ve spent much of this last week contemplating an actual Sinless Victim (He is risen! Best. Happy. Ending. Ever!) – and that’s the faux victim.  I’m calling these guys the Democrats’ “Self-Detonating Heroes.”  

These are typically chosen for their credentials as righteous sufferers at the hands of the left’s preferred bad guys (cops, conservatives, white people, Americans, etc.), and their stories usually fit the pattern known in journalism as “too good to check.” 

You’ll recognize the common tropes: honor student gunned down by cops for no reason.  Palestinian social worker blown up by genocidal IDF for no reason.  Peaceful protestor arrested for no reason.  Noble immigrant deported for no reason.

A very small number of these stories are valid, but those are the rare exceptions.  When most people hear the initial report, they’ve learned to start an internal countdown to the moment when the story blows up.

The honor student shot by cops… (3…2…1…)… had gotten out of jail (again!) 14 hours ago, was driving a stolen car, and fired at cops with a stolen gun.

The “Palestinian social worker”… (3…2…1…)…was a Hamas member who had murdered several Jewish hippie girls at a music festival, and was wearing a suicide vest.

The “peaceful protestor” … (3…2…1…) … recorded himself setting fire to a police station.

The “noble immigrant” … (3…2…1…) … had been deported twice before and was carrying a duffel bag full of fentanyl and burner phones.

The beauty of these stories is watching the whole rotten scheme blow up in the Dems’ faces, over and over again, without them learning the lesson.  No matter how unlikely the tale, and how often similar tales have left them with gunpowder-blackened faces and burnt-off eyebrows before, they take the bait again.

“Hey, a disgruntled black activist at a super-liberal university says someone spray painted the N word on her dorm room door?  Stop the presses!   Or refresh the website, or whatever.”

Annndddd… she sprayed the slur on her own door.

“Wow, some rednecks hung a noose on a black NASCAR driver’s garage?  Swarm!”

Annnddd… it’s a looped rope used to pull down a garage door.

“Listen to this: some evil nerd hacked into Joy Reid’s computer and posted a bunch of homophobic slurs to frame her!  Alert the FBI!”

Annnddd… Joy Reid posted a bunch of homophobic slurs, because she’s an evil, lying moron.

Perhaps the archetypal example of a leftist Self-Detonating Hero story is happening right now, and stars “Maryland father” Kilmar Abrego Garcia.

As usual, the Dems should have had their heads on a swivel with this guy.  But once again the bait was too tempting, and when the Trump administration admitted that he’d been “wrongly deported” to the Salvadoran Super Max prison, the left was all over the story like white on Liz Warren. 

(#wemustneverstopmockingher)

The first red flag should have been Kilmar’s name.  There’s an old Latin phrase – “nomen est omen” – which roughly means that a name can be a sign.  (Famous examples abound, e.g.  once you’ve heard “Anthony Weiner” and “Charles Blow” you know everything you need to know about those dudes.)

Sound out “Kilmar” and you’ve got “kill” and “mar” (meaning “to spoil, harm or injure something or someone.”)  So, yeah.  His best friends were probably “Stab-lacerate Gonzalez” and “Punch-injure Herrera.”

If I didn’t know any better, I’d suspect that some devious spy in Trump-world must have searched the records of thousands of illegal gangbangers, and then chose Kilmar as their trap for the Dems.  They looked over his bio, and then hustled him onto the plane to El Salvador, then disregarded President Boasberg’s direct order to turn the plane around.  They did all this knowing the left’s penchant for a sympathetic, underdog David figure, especially when he’s facing off against the orange Goliath!  

So the Dems ran to the cameras and bet big on their new Salvadoran thoroughbred.  “Kilmar is a loving husband to an American citizen, and a father to two American kids, and probably a devout Catholic, as far as you know.  And sure, he’s got a couple of tattoos, but one of them is probably Christ on the cross (it’s very blurry in pictures, so we’re not 100% sure about that).  And he had a judge’s order that he NOT be deported!”

“Ooh, look, his broken-hearted wife is stepping up to the microphone.  Listen as she speaks in a wavering voice about the saintly man whom the Trumpian stormtroopers kidnapped off the street and then sent to Auschwitz II, trampling all of the constitutional rights that he definitely has as practically an almost American citizen!  Oh, now she’s crying!  Are you proud of yourselves, conservative bullies who ripped this loving family man away from his family?  He has kids.  American citizen kids!  Won’t somebody think of the children?!”

And then the Mar-a-Lago Mata Hari (old timey spy reference for $100, Alex) began to release successive tranches of details about Kilmar… 

And now, I will put on my conical, purple wizard hat and magically take you into the conference room where the Democrat brain trust was gathered to discuss strategy in the middle of last week.  I’ll keep their identities secret, and refer to them only as Democrat Operatives (DO) 1-6.

DO 1: This is going great!  The walls are closing in on Trump now!  American voters are suckers for a clean-cut immigrant like Kilmar.  By the way, get somebody at MSNBC to double-check his name.  All of those Hispanics have a crazy long chain of names, and a lot of them have a “Jesus” somewhere in there. 

DO 2: Ooh, that would be great!  We could put the word out that all of our reporters should start calling him “Jesus” between now and Easter.  The Catholics would eat that stuff up!

DO 1: Good idea.  And somebody line up some soft-focus photo shoots and interviews with his American wife and kids.    

DO 3: I don’t know, Hakeem.  I’ve heard a story that he had some suspected gang affiliations in the past.  Maybe we shouldn’t over-play our hand on this.

DO 1: Come on.  “Suspected” means nothing. Just more anti-Hispanic racism from the right-wing fascists.  I mean, he hasn’t had any due process at all!  I’m sure that if they had any evidence, they would have put it before a court and-  (He sees DO 4 with his hand up.)  What?

DO 4: Actually, he had an immigration court hearing, and the judge found evidence that he was associated with MS-13.

DO 1: SCHIFF! 

DO 5: What?

DO 1: I’m not talking to you.  It’s just an expression.  Look, it was probably a crooked Trump judge, lying about Kilmar’s gang ties.  We need to insist that the case be appealed to another judge, so—

DO 6:  Actually, it was appealed to a different court.

DO 1 (pause): And?

DO 6: The appeals court agreed.

DO 1: SCHIFF!

DO 5:  Are you using my name as a swear word?

DO 2:  Get over it, Pencil-Neck.  The adults are talking.

DO 5: Adults?  Shouldn’t you be at the kid’s table, Hogg!

DO 1: Shut up.  Let’s not get hung up on those alleged gang ties.  The main thing is that another judge wrote an order saying that he can’t be deported.  So Trump broke the law.

DO 3: Actually, that order in 2019 said that he CAN be deported, but just not to El Salvador.

DO 1 (rubbing his temples): Fine.  But he was deported to El Salvador.  We’ll emphasize that. 

DO 6:  Yes!  He got that deportation hold in 2019.  I’m sure he’s kept his nose clean for the last 6 years, because the Feds would have deported him to somewhere else if he’d gotten in trouble.

DO 3:  Actually, he was stopped in 2022 for speeding and driving without a license.

DO 1: SCHIFF!  Did they take him to jail and tow the car?

DO 3: No. The cop gave him a warning for the expired DL.

DO 2:  Wow.  He must have been one of ours.

DO 1: Anyway, the main point is that he obviously didn’t have anything suspicious in the car with him.  Why don’t we just say he was profiled for “Driving While Brown?”  (He notices DO 3 making a face.)  What now?

DO 3:  He had 8 other guys in the car with him, and they’d been driving for three days, from Texas to Maryland.  And…they didn’t have any luggage.

DO 5: SCHIFF!  (Everyone looks at him.) Now you’ve got me doing it!

DO 1: Okay, let’s not panic.  Lots of poor people don’t have luggage.  They were probably going up north to rejoin their families, or maybe meet some church sponsors who vouched for them. 

DO 3 (looking down):  They all gave Kilmar’s address as their own.  And DOJ just announced that he was picked up for questioning at Home Depot with other MS-13 members.  And Trump just showed a picture of his hands, and he’s got…

DO 1: Don’t say tattoos!

DO 3 (hesitates):  Tattoos.   

DO 2 and 4: SCHIFF!

DO 1: Tell me that they’re at least of his kid’s birthdays, or his wife or his mom’s names.

DO 3: They’re MS-13 tattoos.

DO 1,2,4 and 6: SCHIFF!

DO 2: Okay, forget all that.  We’ve still got his wife.  She’s crying her eyes out on tv.  And since she says that he’s a good man and husband, and since we must believe all women, he has to be a good man and husband. That’s the transitive property, I think.

DO 5: No, the transitive property is when a dude decides that he wants to be a woman, so he spins around and clicks the heels of his ruby slippers together, and says, I’m really a woman, I’m really a woman.

DO 2:  No, that’s the trans property.  I’m talking about the math thing, the transitive property.  It’s from algebra, I think, and –

DO 5: Who are you trying to kid, Davy?  You look like you’re still taking algebra!

DO 2: Pencil neck!

DO 5: Toddler!

DO 1: Everybody shut up!  (He notices an aid come in and hand a piece of paper to DO 3, then step back out.)  We’ve got the loyal, crying wife, and she’s vouching for him.  Our women voters will eat that up, and… (Noticing DO 3 looking extra pale.)  What is it, Liz?

DO 3: DOJ just released a domestic abuse claim the wife filed against Kilmar in 2021.

DO 1, 2, 4, 5 and 6: SCHIFF!

DO 1:  Okay, anybody can have a bad day.  They had an argument, things got a little heated.  We’ve all been there.  But they talked it through and worked it out, and it never happened agai—

DO 3: She filed again six months later.

DOs (all): SCHIFF! 

DO 1 puts his head on the table in front of him.

DO 1 (after a long pause): So we’ve got a bad-driving, human-smuggling, wife-beating, gang-banging illegal alien.  Is that about it?  (Nobody will meet his eyes.)  Okay, so we’ve got to say that it’s not about Kilmar, it’s about due process, or something.

DO 2:  So we shouldn’t call him “Jesus” now?

DO 1: Shut up, Hogg.  Nancy, get Van Hollen on the line.  We’ve gotta stop him from flying down there and making us all look like idiots. 

DO 3: He’s already there.

DO 1 (too defeated to even swear):  Can we at least stop him from meeting with Kilmar?  He’ll be giving Trump a photo-op to hang around our necks for the mid-terms.

DO 3: He’s already met with Kilmar.

DO 1 (mumbling): Of course he has.

DO 2:  Wait, this might still work.  Kilmar is going to look haggard and starved from being in that concentration camp prison.  Maybe he’ll even have some bruises or broken bones! 

DO 1 (perking up):  Yeah!  We can have Spielberg make an ad for us, interspersing shots of Kilmar with shots from Schindler’s List.

DO 2 (excited):  And we can CGI Trump’s head onto that Nazi commander, shooting at Jews down in the camp below him!  We can call the ad, “CECOT’s List.”

DO 1 (seeing DO 3 looking at her phone, and shaking her head): What is it?

DO 3 (holding her phone out so everyone else can see it): Trump just released this video of Van Hollen and Kilmar.  It looks like they’re meeting on a gay speed-date at a high-end hotel. 

DO 1 (moaning): Kilmar looks great!  He looks like he’s gained 5 pounds.

Everybody in the room: SCHIFF!!!

And, scene.

Tune in next week, when Hulk Homan™ releases documents proving that Kilmar helped plan 9/11, before driving across country to shoot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

Hamas delenda est!

Thoughts on Immigration, Pt. 1 (posted 4/2/25)

Since the Trumpkrieg™ started on January 20th, the Democrats have taken the short end of one 80/20 issue after another, but none more important than the issue of illegal immigration. They’ve made so many illogical, specious arguments on the topic that I’ve found myself muttering to myself about this issue more than any others. 

And regular readers know that it’s never a very big jump from “muttering to myself” to “sharing with CO nation.”  So here goes.

The two most annoying leftist immigration fallacies are: acting as if there is no difference between legal and illegal immigration, and acting as if immigrating to America in the 18th century was just like immigrating here recently, or today.

The first point is too obvious to require much debunking.  To equate immigrating legally to doing so illegally is as stupid as equating having a loving relationship with your spouse to rape.  And yet if you were to watch 8 hours of MSNBC or CNN each day – God help you – you would see dozens of boneheads saying, “Except for Native Americans, all Americans are descendants of immigrants!”

Yes, Rachel Maddow.  But you can also say, “Thousands of people go into banks every week, and they leave with money.” 

But most of them go in with a photo ID, and leave with money from their own accounts.  And some of them go in with pistols and ski masks, and leave with other people’s money. 

That’s different!

The second point relies on the listener being ignorant of history.  Which – conveniently for the leftists – most people who went to leftist-run public schools are.

But just like illegal immigration is very different from the legal kind, immigrating to the US before around 1850 was very different than coming in the last hundred years or so.    

That earlier period was marked by a largely empty continent offering immigrants more danger and challenges than tempting opportunities. 

Yes, I said “a largely empty continent.”  And before you can bring up the native Lizzie Warrens living here then – #wemustneverstopmockingher – estimates are that around 4-7 million Indians lived in all of today’s US and Canada around 1492.  That comes out to between 2 and 4 humans per square mile.  And that’s before epidemics thinned that number considerably by the time Europeans got a toehold on the eastern seaboard. 

Back then, there was very little government and absolutely no social safety net.  Nor even any literal safety nets, for that matter.  (Nor seat belts, nor “no smoking” signs, nor labels on the top of a ladder warning that you shouldn’t use it as a step.)  The fledgling nation needed all of the hearty pioneers with grit, ambition and work ethic that it could get.  So it largely welcomed all comers.

And when many of them suffered gruesome deaths – from scalping-involved Warren-cide (#neverstop), being thrown from seatbelt-less saddles in multi-horse collisions, or neck-breaking falls from the top steps of ladders – the rest of the citizenry just went about their business.

Because immigrating wasn’t for whiny wusses.

By the 20th century, and especially with the growth of governmental and other financial support, the situation was very different.  The country could still benefit from hard-working immigrants, but with many areas getting more crowded and the number of would-be immigrants exploding – not to mention the powerful draw of ever-more-generous welfare programs, and newcomers who no longer wanted to assimilate – the risk-reward ratio of large-scale immigration shifted toward more caution, limits and careful vetting. 

You can discern the nation’s developing thinking about immigration by tracking the amount of legislation on the topic during the 19th century.  The Steerage Act of 1819 required that arriving boats have a manifest of immigrants on board, and that those aliens be inspected and given a medical exam before even preliminarily being allowed entry.  Multiple acts in the 1870s and 1880s banned entry to forced laborers, prostitutes and Chinese people.

The two major laws regulating immigration in that century – the Immigration Acts of 1882 and 1891, respectively – enacted increasingly more stringent restrictions on would-be immigrants.

Consider the first paragraph of the Immigration Act of 1891: 

“The following classes of aliens shall be excluded from admission into the United States, in according with the existing acts regulating immigration other than those concerning Chinese laborers: All idiots, insane persons, paupers or persons likely to become a public charge, persons suffering from a loathsome or a dangerous contagious disease, persons who have been convicted of a felony or other infamous crime or misdemeanor involving moral turpitude, polygamists, and also any person whose ticket or passages if paid for with money of another or who is assisted by others to come.”

Let’s break that down.  The list starts and ends with what I think are less relevant points.  I can only guess that the concern about Chinese laborers arose from fear that they would make the rest of us look lazy in comparison, and possibly that they would screw up the grading curve in all of our classes?

The part at the end about immigrants whose passage is paid for by others seems to depend on the context.  If they had family members or solid citizens paying their way in, we should probably consider them.  But if they were funded by some shadowy character – likely named “Soros” – send them packing.

But consider the middle of that passage, which is so relevant that it could have been ripped from today’s headlines.  It lists 5 groups of people – with old-fashioned descriptions that can be easily translated to their modern equivalents – who should not be allowed into the US:

1. Stupid people – “Idiot” later had a specific, IQ-defined meaning, but the modern “stupid” is a suitable umbrella term. 

Fun fact: Psychologists once classified those with an IQ between 0-25 as “idiots,” those between 26-50 as “imbeciles,” and those between 51-70 as “morons.” 

Those groupings are still relevant today, especially if you are trying to analyze members of congress, or answer questions such as, “Is Hank Johnson a low-range or mid-range idiot?” or  “Is AOC capable of achieving imbecility?” or “Have Jasmine Crockett’s remarks about the Texas governor dropped her from moron status all the way to idiocy, or just to imbecility with a dusting of sociopathy?”

2. The mentally ill.  (See: sufferers of gender dysmorphia or auto-gynophilia; watchers of CNN, or The View; Robert DeNiro) 

3. Welfare recipients and those willing to go on the dole.  “Pauper” can just mean “broke” – a temporary state that many (even certain hilarious geniuses) of us have experienced.  And a broke person may even take welfare for a very short time.  But “a public charge” is someone who can’t or won’t support himself, and “likely to become a public charge” is a common fixture in modern America: a habitual and/or multi-generational welfare recipient.  

4. Health risks.   Remember when covid was so threatening that American citizens couldn’t leave their houses…but millions of unvetted third-worlders with hacking coughs were waved through the border like leftist celebrities being welcomed to Pedo Island by Jeffrey Epstein?  And who can read “loathsome, contagious disease” and not think of the plague, TB or the woke mind virus?  

5. Criminals.  These are commonplace, today as in the past.  If you aren’t familiar with “moral turpitude,” think “Hunter Biden.”  And we don’t have many polygamists (i.e. married to more than one person at a time) anymore, having replaced them with never-married baby mommas and dead-beat dads.

Look at that list one more time, and apply it to a sane immigration policy going forward.

Denying entry to group 4 (the health risks) should be uncontroversial to even the far-leftists among us.  If you’re still wearing a covid mask in 2025 and looking forward to your 13th covid booster… zip it, Karen!

Groups 1 and 2 – the stupid and the insane – make up at least a large plurality if not an outright majority of our current Congress.  Annnnddd… we definitely don’t need any more of those. 

And groups 3 and 5 – welfare recipients and criminals – make up the lion’s share of the Democratic base.  So that’s a hard pass. 

Coming Friday: Part 2, in which I apply the lessons above to our current deportation debates.

Hamas delenda est!

The Dems Can’t Help Themselves, Especially Gavin Newsom (posted 3/18/25)

Well, the Dems continue to compete in a hilarious triathlon of political ineptitude.  They start by jumping on bikes and ramming into one pothole after another, then dismount and vigorously run for 100 meters through a lane full of rakes, then shoulder an Olympics-approved rifle and begin firing into their own feet.

But before I get to that, how fun was it to watch Elon’s son X bouncing excitedly alongside Trump as they walked to the Marine One helicopter together the other day? 

It was so cute that even the most hard-hearted MSM hack had to almost say, “Awww,” before furiously catching herself.   “NO!  That’s Hitler and Lil’ Hitler! Must…not…feel…authentic…emotion.”

Of course the beauty of that moment came partly from the question of contrast that instinctively struck anyone watching: “Can you imagine letting your kid into Biden’s custody to walk him over to a helicopter?” 

The question answers itself.  [Cue Doctor Evil, humming up in his gliding chair and then pausing dramatically.  “How about NO?!”]

Biden managed to make walking across a butter-soft lawn – in his specially-designed, codger-friendly, waffle-stomper shoes – look like hold-your-breath-while-Wallenda-tightropes-over-an-active-volcano high drama. 

And the idea of Biden lifting a kid to put him onto a set of aircraft stairs?!  Just trying to navigate the stairs by himself turned into something that looked like a montage of out-takes from the Eiger Sanction and a frontal assault on El Capitan.

Hey, here’s a question for you: How do we know that Gavin Newsom is smarter than a Hezbollah terrorist who STILL answers calls from unknown numbers on his Samsung De-Crotch-ulator 3000 pager?  (Yell-o?  Allahu akb-OUCH!)

It’s a trick question, of course, because we don’t.  In fact, the only credible evidence that can be asserted in defense of that hypothesis is that he was at least smart enough to apparently agree in an interview with Charlie Kirk that allowing males to stomp women in sports obviously unfair.     

But how do we know that Gavin Newsom is smarter than LA Mayor Karen “rhymes with” Bass? 

First, because just about every sentient being is smarter than Karen Bass.  (Although I wouldn’t bet a single lonely dollar on an IQ-off among Bass, Que Mala, AOC and any patient chosen by random lottery from a head trauma ward at a major metropolitan hospital of your choice.  So, yeah.)

Second, because Bass managed to be in Ghana – which my crack team of mapologists tells me is pretty far away from Los Angeles – when the fires very predictably broke out, but then parlayed that idiotic move into a series of ever worsening idiocies.  

Despite a boatload of public records laws requiring that she preserve all governmentally significant communications for at least 2 years, she…wait for it… “set her phone NOT to save text messages” during the crisis. 

“Martin, who does that?” you might ask. 

Until you think for a nano-second, and the question answers itself: 

1. Bill Clinton on a “Welcome to the White House, New Interns” group chat.  2. Hunter Biden conducting a shady, “How much am I offered for this crude finger-painting?” group auction on a “Go-Corrupt-Me” fundraiser with a dozen dirty foreign officials and oligarchs.   

And 3. The mayor of a horribly run blue city on a private plane in international airspace as she flop-sweats through an inauthentic dashiki while her city is burning to the ground.

Duh.   

Then, back on the ground but air-headed as ever, she gave a press conference amidst wisps of acrid, blowing smoke on what looked like the Gone With the Wind movie set showing the aftermath of Sherman burning Atlanta:

Bass: “I’m demanding a complete investigation into the mayor’s actions during this crisis.”

Reporter: “Isn’t that you?”

Bass: “What now?”
Reporter: “You’re the mayor.”

Bass: “Um, yes.  And I’m going to leave no stone unturned to get to the bottom of my actions.”

Reporter: “Couldn’t you just tell us that, now?

Bass: “Well, there are a lot of records to go through, and I want to be super-thorough.”

Reporter: “So you’ll be releasing all your texts, emails and phone calls?”

Bass: “Um, yeah.  About that…”

Ugh.  Remember that Hezbollah dullard I mentioned earlier?  He’s sitting in a hospital in Lebanon, wrapped in gauze from neck to ankles, his face blackened by smoke and his eyebrows singed off, trying to explain what happened to his family members gathered around the bed.

“These telemarketers are driving me crazy!  I’ve gotten three calls today, and now I’ve got one eye, one testicle and three fingers left!”  (There’s a ring-tone of “Hava Nagila” from his bedside table.) “Oh wait a second, I’ve got to take this.”

And his uncle grabs the pager, and rolls his eyes at the other family members, who are all face-palming themselves.  “Hey, at least he’s still smarter than Karen Bass.”

But now Ken Doll Newsom has been asked for his emails covering the same period, and Mr. Featureless Plastic Crotch is not dumb enough to try the ol’ “the dog ate my text messages” defense.  Instead, he’s going with a claim that “they’re exempt from disclosure under the California Public Records Act.” 

Apparently, his lawyers are suggesting that if you read the fine print closely, you’ll find that under the California Public Records Act, public records in California may be hidden from the public, at the whim of any Dem corrupticrat who might be revealed as a nice haircut on top of an empty head in an empty suit, if his public records were to be revealed.  In public.

Newsom isn’t even trying to meet the bare requirements of the law by designating which records he’d like to hide and for what reason.  This despite the fact that the CA constitution was amended in 2004 by Proposition 59, which asserted that “the people have the right of access to information concerning the conduct of the people’s business” as a foundational principle.  This proposition was known as the “Sunshine” amendment.

But Veneer Boy’s lawyers have an answer for this too, as you’ll see in this quote that I am totally making up, yet which still communicates their meaning perfectly: “We are fully abiding by the Sunshine amendment, which we interpret as enshrining any Democrat Governor’s inalienable right to cloak his public records in an impenetrable, Stygian darkness.  Hail Satan.” 

That guy is the current front-runner for your party’s nomination for President in 2028, Democrats.  And may God have mercy on your souls.

Oh, did I mention that it’s been revealed that Newsom secretly funded a $97,000 bust of himself that was recently placed in the San Francisco City Hall?

Because of course he did. 

David Hogg/Gavin Newsom ’28!

Also, Hamas delenda est!

Reaction to Trump’s Quasi-SOTU Speech (posted 3/5/25)

I had a couple of topics to write about this morning, but they will have to wait until Friday, because I can’t not comment on last night’s State of the Union-adjacent speech.

I’ve written before about how I generally don’t like these things.  All of the rote jumping up and down in applause by the party in power, and the concomitant studied silence by the other party, the using of people in the crowd as props to put a human face on various political issues, etc.  

Because I’m a grumpy old man about this stuff, I prefer the way the early Founders handled SOTUs: they sent a letter that was read out in congress, and that was it.  

I’d like to return to that.  Just a handful of paragraphs hitting the highlights: “Our navy has whipped the Barbary Pirates, our cavalry has kept the raiding parties from the savage Warrens at bay on our western frontier (#wemustneverstopmockingher), and the sorghum crop this year is abundant.  Thank ye, and God bless America.”

But having said that, if you’re going to do a modern SOTU, this was the way to do it.  Though it was too long (they all are), there were a lot of strong lines. (My favorite was about the border:   “[The Dems] said that they needed a new law to secure the border, but all we needed was a new president.”)  

And Trump demonstrated his flair for the dramatic, with one feel-good announcement after another.  A key terrorist from the Abbey Gate attack has been captured and is on his way to face American justice; the young black kid who had brain cancer getting made an honorary agent; the high school kid being told he’s been accepted at West Point; Jocelyn Nungaray’s mom being told that a wildlife sanctuary has been renamed for her daughter; reading the letter from Zelensky saying that the minerals deal is back on, etc.

But perhaps the best news for the country to come out of the speech was the Democrats’ stunning demonstration that they are incapable of reading either a nation, a moment, or a room.  Because they are ineducable.  Bone-deep, weapons-grade stupid.

I’ll admit that it’s always a tough gig to be the out-of-power party at a SOTU.  You have to sit on your hands most of the night while the opposition is standing and applauding, and it’s not easy to do that without looking petulant.

But you know what’s an even worse look?  Heckling like children, and applauding only ONE THING in the entire speech, and choosing the worst possible thing for that one moment of applause.

They started the night off on the wrong foot, heckling and yelling out immediately.  You may  remember when one GOP congressman, after listening to Obama lie for half an hour straight in one of his SOTUs, yelled, “You lie!”  The entire MSM nearly melted down, and the hyperventilating lasted for days.  “This is unprecedented!  The most inappropriate violation we’ve ever seen!  Would he ever have yelled like that at a white president?  Racist!!”

But double standard, thy name is Democrat.   

The first and the worst offender was Al Green.  You might remember Al Green as a talented soul singer, but now his fine name has been besmirched by one of the worst Democrats in congress.  And that’s really saying something, considering that Melting Face Maxine Waters, Ilhan “Allahu Akbar!” Omar, and Juicy Booty AOC (her words, not mine) are all in the congress. 

The Democrat (bad) Al Green is tough to look at, and tougher to listen to.  Luckily, in the first few minutes of the speech he started to scream incoherently, and the GOP was ready for him, sending the Sergeant at Arms to escort him out.

Which brings up several questions for me:

1. What’s the point of having the title “Sergeant at Arms” if you aren’t armed?

2. If you are armed, why didn’t you let bad Al Green ride the lightning?  Are tasers broken? 

3. Since when are disordered lunatics allowed to carry a cane with a big metal head on it into the presence of the President? 

Obviously, the Sergeant at Arms missed a golden opportunity, because as soon as the bad Al Green started hollering and raised his cane, Sarge could have yelled, “CANE!  Swarm! SWARM!” and initiated a violent pile-on.

And if, once the agents had picked Green’s body up and carried him out, it turned out that his cane had been accidentally shoved into a position that required a doctor to remove it, that’s the chance you take when you bring a cylindrical object into a SOTU and act like a fool.

I would also have accepted a third option for dealing with Green, which regular readers may remember from a few earlier columns of mine.  I’m speaking, of course, of the Robot Flamethrower Dog!

Sure, some might object to deploying a RFD in the confined space of a SOTU.  But since bad Al Green was sitting amidst the other Democrats, what’s the worst that could happen?  Maybe a few facial burns – which in many cases would be a lateral move at worst, appearance-wise – and a few of those idiotic paddles being scorched. 

You say, “collateral damage,” I say, “collateral hilarity.”

And speaking of those paddles, what grade are those people in?!   Unless you’re going to a ping pong tournament, an auction, or a sick kink party at the Biden-era NSA, you should not be carrying a paddle around in public.

And the idiotic lines printed on the paddles reinforced the Dems’ terrible judgment in two ways: they were pre-printed, which meant that this bonehead stunt was premediated, and the printed phrases were such banal imbecilities.

“Musk Steals,” “False,” and “Save Medicaid.”  I’ve seen smarter messages on a Magic 8 Ball when I was a kid.

“Are these Democrats really going through with this childish stunt?”

“Signs point to yes.” 

“Is there a greater concentration of low-IQ numbskulls anywhere on earth right now?”

“My sources say no.” 

And Trump cannily set them up for the bad optics, with his riff on, “There is nothing I could say to make them happy, or to make them smile or applaud, even if I cured a terrible disease.” 

The Dems immediately proved him right.  They wouldn’t applaud for a black kid with brain cancer, or for terrorists being brought to justice, or for a 95-year-old mom getting her son back from a Russian prison.

So what was the one thing they were willing to celebrate? 

I’m not making this up.  When Trump challenged them, asking, “Do you want to keep this war [in Ukraine] going for another 5 years?” the morons started clapping.  Trump saw one of them, and took the personal shot, saying, “Pocahontas says yes.” 

And when the camera panned to the Powhatan Pale-Face herself, she doubled down on dumb, and applauded more vigorously.

She really is that out of touch!  This dowager with none of her (extremely white) skin in the game actually clapped for five more years of war.  “Yay!  Let’s fight to the last Ukrainian!”  

And that is why… say it with me again, people… 

#wemustneverstopmockingher!