Tag: donald-trump

The Winning Continues, Jim Acosta is Gone, & Trump is Re-Naming Everything! (posted 1/29/25)

Okay, I’m not saying that all of this winning has to stop. But it’s got to slow down a little bit.  Because I am getting nothing done!

It’s been 8 days since the inauguration.  Regular readers know that I’m a working dog, not a show dog, so typically, I get more done in 8 days than 10 men of normal powers do in a month. 

For example, in that time, I would usually be saying my prayers; playing with Cassie the Wonder Dog; mansplaining a bunch of stuff to my wife (which she always appreciates); nodding along and pretending to understand some astrophysics thing that my smarty pants daughter is trying to explain to me; maintaining my rental properties; doing good deeds; setting a good example; reading some good books; helping old ladies across the street; rescuing cats from trees and toddlers from house fires; explaining to young women who are getting a little handsy that I’m both married and way too old for them; laughing at my own jokes in my columns as I’m writing them…   

(For example, that “handsy young women” thing just cracked me up.  Because as they say, “It’s funny because it’s true.”)

…and just generally being a ray of sunshine in the lives of everyone I meet.

But not these last 8 days.  Because since the 20th I have been on the computer from dawn to dusk, just getting hammered by one wave of good news after another.  Ooh, Trump has signed a boatload of executive orders: illegals out of America, dudes out of women’s sports, and women’s jails, and women’s bathrooms. 

Wait, he just yanked security clearances for the 51 Russian laptop hoaxers!

Hey, he just fired a bunch of dead-weight bureaucrats from the “resistance” movement.

Ooh, he just canceled the bald-eagle-slaughtering, heavily subsidized windmills – including the whale-killing ones off the coast.  And he re-instated all of the soldiers who’d been bullied out of the service because they wouldn’t take an experimental shot to prevent a virus – which never would have killed them – from killing them.

Wait, let me get my head above wa—

Uh oh, more executive orders: no more racist DEI crap throughout our government; the life sentences for taking selfies in the capitol on January 6th are reversed; no more funding for the United Nations’ pro-Hamas “Jewish toddler-killing munitions” program.

And the personnel upgrades!  Won’t somebody think of the personnel upgrades!

Lyin’ “Lex Luthor” Mayorkas is gone, replaced by Tom “Yippee-Ki-Yay, Mfers!” Homan, who was just on tv, frog-marching another long chain gang of illegal, face-tattooed gang members out of my country.  We just traded corrupt and oily Merrick Garland for honest, disciplined Pam Bondi (giggity). 

Look there, in the White House briefing room!  It’s hyper-competent, smart and perky new press secretary Karoline Leavitt, replacing the ginger Circle-Back Lady, and the sapphic Kewpie Doll who could only answer questions by reading verbatim from her Lying for Dummies Briefing Book™

We just upgraded from Mayor Pete – whose only qualifications for Sec Transportation (I almost said, “SecTrans,” but that’s not a thing any more!) was being gay and liking choo-choo trains as a kid, to Sean Duffy, who just got confirmed with 77 votes.

I’ll be honest: I have no idea who Sean Duffy is.  But since he didn’t bring up his sexual preference in his confirmation hearings, and he’s never overseen a disastrous, toxic train derailment, and he’s never taken weeks of maternity leave time off to recover from giving birth to an adopted baby that he obviously didn’t give birth to, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that he’s going to do a better job than Mayor Pete did.   

Pete Hegseth will be a better SecDef than Lloyd “AWOL” Austin.  Mario Rubio will be a better SecState than a potted plant, which would have been a better SecState than Tony Blinken.  

And corrupt MSM leftist-bubble-dwellers are dropping like Bill Clinton’s pants in a sorority house!

Even TDS-suffering narcissist Jim Acosta is leaving!  (As Ben Shapiro used to say, “Ladies, find yourself a man who loves you as much as Jim Acosta loves him some Jim Acosta.”)  Acosta apparently lost half his audience in a car wreck shortly before Trump’s inauguration.  (All four of them were in a Prius that got stuck on train tracks when a train was coming.) 

So CNN offered him a show at midnight, opposite reruns of “Welcome Back, Kotter,” hour-long ads for My Pillow, and Korean-language broadcasts of Korean triple-A soccer games.  (Go, Busan Bandits!)

Acosta responded by telling CNN management that if they tried to shove him to midnight, they would just have to do without the services of one Abilio James Acosta!  

Annnnnddddd… he’s gone.

By the way, that’s his real name.  Since I’m a working dog – as I may have mentioned earlier – I did my research, and discovered that his parents named him “Abilio.”  Which, strangely enough, is Spanish for “a-hole.”  True story. 

I can even use it in a sentence: “Let’s put that abilio on at midnight, and dare him to quit!” 

I can hear many of you asking, as I write this, “Martin, did your extensive research turn up any more fun A-hole Acosta facts?”  And the answer is yes.  Yes, it did. 

For example, he is reportedly of mixed ancestry, a combination of English, Irish, Czech and Cuban.  But for the record, the embassies of England, Ireland and the Czech Republic have all  released official statements saying that they’re pretty sure he’s just Cuban. 

A phone call to the Cuban embassy was answered by a guy who wouldn’t give his name.  When asked about Jim Acosta allegedly being Cuban, he would only say, “Never heard of that abilio,” before hanging up.  

Trump offered Acosta a much-deserved verbal beat-down on his way out the door, in a tweet that (I swear I’m not making this up) featured the words, “one of the worst and most dishonest reporters…major sleazebag…BAD RATINGS… [and] no talent.” 

And that was the NICE part, which came before the hard sac-tap of an ending: “Jim is a major loser who will fail no matter where he ends up.  Good luck Jim!”  

Which, if my high-school Spanish hasn’t failed me, could be translated as, “No dejes que la puerta te golpee en el culo al salir.”  (But since it’s past January 20th and we don’t have to “Press 1 for English” anymore, I’ll re-translate: “Don’t let the door hit you in the abilio on your way out.”)

Even Trump’s sillier-seeming moves actually have substance behind them.  Changing the name of a mountain from Denali back to McKinley, and renaming the Gulf of Mexico to Gulf of America are good examples.

I think it’s natural to laugh the first time you hear “Gulf of America.”  It feels cartoonishly patriotic.  I first thought of the short-lived fad of replacing “French” with “freedom” back when France was reverting to their “cheese-eating surrender monkey” form. 

It was funny to say, “For breakfast I’m having freedom toast, and for lunch my sides will be freedom fries and freedom onion soup.  And tonight, I’ll be plying my wife with freedom wine, after which I hope to be freedom kissing her as she slips off her freedom lingerie.”

But once you get past the initial reaction, you can see a more serious philosophical point beneath it.  Because naming things is a powerful expression of what a culture values.  Many American settlers named their cities and states after their original homes, which they still loved (New Amsterdam/New York, New Jersey, New England; Athens, GA; Paris, TX), or people they honored (the Carolinas, the Virginias, Williamsburg, Pittsburg, Cincinnati).

They named some towns after religious virtues (Hope, Temperance, Providence), or after religious figures (St. Paul, St. Augustine, Saints Francis and Monica – San Francisco and Santa Monica) or even “body of Christ” (Corpus Christi).  They named their colleges Holy Cross or Our Lady (Notre Dame). 

And later, when we’d produced our own civic heroes, we named towns and schools after them.  There are towns named Washington, Jefferson and Lincoln scattered across the land.  (I went to McKinley school for a few grades, and Lincoln grade school for a few more.)  We named a mountain after McKinley.

We also named many places after the Indian tribes or leaders whom – contrary to racist leftists’ slanders – we admired, and wanted to pay tribute to.  So there are counties or towns named Black Hawk, Sauk and Cherokee, and states named Illinois, Oklahoma and Minnesota, not to mention one primary Dakota, and another auxiliary Dakota.

But this trend is not just something conservatives do, as some angry lefties now suggest, as they rail against renaming mountains or gulfs.  You may have noticed that the Left has been on a name-changing spree in recent years, too. 

The small park in DC where the dozen protestors put up a guillotine on inauguration day is officially known as Meridian Hill Park, but the commie protestors renamed it “Malcolm X Park.”  As they renamed an intersection in Minnesota “George Floyd Square,” after one of their recidivist criminal heroes.  They’ve renamed many schools and parks, tossing presidents’ or generals’ names in favor of Cesar Chavez, Malcolm X, MLK and many more.

Most people approve of many of these changes, which again, reflect social changes.  While most people would balk at naming places after communists, or black criminals like Angela Davis or George Floyd, pretty much everyone is okay with various MLK sites.  And, with some caveats, most Americans are probably not too upset over removing Confederate names from various things.  (You won’t see a ton of Go-Fund-Mes with the theme, “Let’s keep the name of Nathan Bedford Forrest High School!”)

The point is that everyone changes names to reflect their own values. And if I had to pick a side, it’s an easy call to choose the one changing names to Gulf of America, Reagan National Airport or Mount McKinley, over those changing to George Floyd Square, Saul Alinsky Street, or Joy Reid Avenue. 

In this one rare instance, I agree with Tony Soprano’s instincts.  In one episode his son AJ came home from school spouting a bunch of leftist nonsense after reading Howard Zinn’s “A People’s History of the United States,” and touting his teacher’s preference for “Indigenous Peoples’ Day,” because of Columbus’ supposed villainy.

Tony was flabbergasted.  “Your teacher said that?”

AJ said, “It’s not just my teacher, it’s the truth.  It’s in my history book!” 

After wryly observing, “So you finally read a book, and it’s bullsh*t,” Tony laid down the law.  “He [Columbus] was a brave Italian explorer.  And in this house, Christopher Columbus is a hero!  End of story.”

Well in my house, we watch the Redskins play football and the Cleveland Indians play baseball.   We hope to one day climb Mount McKinley, and in the summer we like to read some Thomas Sowell at the beach, with our feet in the warm waters of the Gulf of America. 

End of story!

Opie, Pritzker, and the Leaders of Colombia & Planned Parenthood Get Whacked When Trump Settles All Family Business (posted 1/27/25)

Well, it feels like a year’s worth of action has been packed into the last seven days.  This might have to be another three-column week for me, since I can barely stay on my feet against the pressure of the firehose of good news coming out of the White House!  

But I’m going to try, so let’s start in Hollywood.

In another example of lefty artists making it hard to appreciate their art once they’ve opened their mouths to share their deep political thoughts, Ron Howard has “pulled a DeNiro.”  (I love DeNiro’s acting, Bruce Springsteen’s music, and many of Stephen King’s books, but they’ve all revealed themselves to be malevolent morons when it comes to politics, thus making it tougher to watch, listen to or read them.)

Howard was an adorable child actor, and directed a lot of good movies as an adult.  But this weekend he tweeted out a suggestion that if Trump wants to improve the Fed’s disaster responses, he should pick Chef Jose Andres to head up those efforts. 

I didn’t know much about Andres – a Venn diagram of hungry hillbilly Simpsons and a chef who serves dinners-for-two in the $1000 range would be two separate circles, a mile away from each other – but Howard notes that the chef is “not a supporter” of Trump’s.

A quick search shows that Andres was much angrier when some Palestinians were accidentally killed by Israel strikes than he was at the genocidal Hamas terrorists who intentionally murdered  Israelis.  Also, he is a hero among Democrats.  (Unexpectedly!) And he took a smiling picture with the whack job who tried to assassinate Trump at the golf course. 

To be fair to Andres, I’m assuming he took that pic before the whack job tried to murder Trump.  On the other hand, one should be able to spot that loon from a mile away, because he’s got “whack job” written all over him.

Anyway, Howard’s suggestion has all the earmarks of low-IQ Hollywood celebrity ideas: after four years of extreme-left Trump haters screwing up everything they touch, Trump really should consider appointing an extreme-left Trump hater to continue that tradition.

To quote Dr. Evil, “How about NO!”  And Ron, how about you focus on skipping rocks on a pond in Mayberry, and on making a good movie?  Because as soon as you turn to politics, you inevitably go from Opie to Dopey. 

Also, I find the first sentence of Howard’s tweet to be ironic: “Here’s a thought.”

Nope.  Here is most definitely NOT a thought.

Speaking of people for whom clear thinking is not a strong suit, how about Illinois governor J.B. “you can’t spell ‘Jumbo’ without ‘J.B.’” Pritzker, D-irigible?

His mouth is proportionately large enough for the rest of him (too bad about the brain, though), and he’s been regularly shooting it off on the subject of how he’s not going to cooperate with Trump’s enforcement of our immigration laws.  However, even he has started to tone it down a bit, now that Trump is in office.

He announced on Sunday that he has no problem with Trump deporting violent criminals, going so far as to say, “We hope they do get deported.” Which is rich, coming from him.  He’s done nothing to protect Illinois citizens from those scumbags for four years, and he’s not pledging to take action himself.  But now he’s “hoping” that the Deportation Fairy will come during the night and flit away with the predators, I guess.

But he’s not on board with deporting regular ol’ salt-of-the-earth illegal immigrants.  And this is where the Left’s mastery of dishonest language does some heavy lifting.

Because he tells sour Dana Bash that he finds it “quite disturbing” that Trump is also “going after people who are law-abiding, who are holding down jobs….”  A reasonable person might be aware that legitimate jobs require that the employee either has citizenship or legal working status (a green card or working visa).  

If the left can convince people to think of illegals as “undocumented,” their lying becomes easier to get away with.

But if we insist on using accurate language, Pritzker (#putdownthatcomicallyoversizedturkeyleg) is actually saying that we should not interfere with “law-abiding people who are here illegally and working illegally.”

Even someone with a weak and misfiring, Grandma-Squanto-level brain (#wemustneverstopmockingher) can tell that that sounds a little off. 

My favorite story of the weekend is probably yours too: the hilarious tale of the Colombia two-step. 

Since the election, I’ve been having a friendly disagreement with an extended family member about Trump’s use of tariffs.  He is afraid they will be rigid impositions that will severely damage our economy, while I am one of those nutty conservatives who thinks they are negotiating tools that Trump will use to get various foreign miscalculators’ minds right.

After Sunday, I hate to say, “I told you so.”  But how can I not?  When Colombia’s president Gustavo Petro forgot that Biden is not in office anymore, he talked tough about not taking his criminals back.  So Trump responded with immediate retaliatory tariffs, travel restrictions, and the like.

Of course, many lefties jumped on the story in a bunch of posts that aged like milk, immediately beclowning themselves in the most ridiculous ways. 

Ana Navarro panicked, “We won’t have any flowers for Valentines Day!” (To paraphrase Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, “I’ve never seen so many people worried that they won’t be able to receive roses on a romantic holiday for purely hypothetical purposes.”) 

AOC got her juicy booty (her words, not mine) spanked for shrieking that, “Trump is about to make every American pay even more for coffee,” and that, “WE pay the tariffs, not Colombia.”

These were variations on the usual Dem argument against deporting otherwise “law-abiding” illegals, because without them, we’ll have to clean our own buildings and toilets, and do our own landscaping, and pay more for strawberries. 

Because, “I don’t care if my country gets invaded, and crime increases, and our schools and emergency rooms and jails are filled with foreign criminals, and I get hit by unlicensed and uninsured foreign drivers, and my daughters get raped and killed like Laken Riley or Jocelyn Nungaray, as long as I get indentured servants to mow my lawn and feed me cheaper strawberries.”

SAID. NOBODY. EVER!

But as the Sponge Bob transition goes,

One… hour… lay-tair…

Petro said, “Oh, you were talking about THOSE criminals?  Sure, I’ll take them back.”  And then Trump silently gave him the “mug shot look” for an uncomfortably long minute.  And Petro began sweating, and said, “Um… and… I- I- I’ll pick them up… i- i- in my own presidential plane!”

And Trump gave him a small smile, and held out his hand to allow Petro to kiss his ring and swear fealty.   

I didn’t think that Trump would win so quickly, but I knew that he would win eventually.  Because common sense tells me that a small country needs trade with America a lot more than America needs that trade. 

I don’t think that means we should therefore bully small countries, just because we can.  But when they are trying to bully US?  Get out of here with that.

Even though I thought that the tariffs on Colombia would take much longer to work, I was still a fan, because of the message it would send to other nations, i.e. “pour encourager les autres” (for the encouragement of others). 

The phrase is Voltaire’s, and French, but it has a Sicilian feel to me.  And I’m here for it!      

Finally, on a more somber note, I never thought of God as a kind of Michael Corleone figure, working on a, “Today we settle all family business” kind of agenda.   And yet, it wasn’t tough to see some of those overtones on inauguration day.  (For starters, “God” is right there in “Godfather,” so how didn’t I see that coming?) 

Trump stood in the secular/civil version of a sacred space (the Capitol Rotunda) taking his vows, just like Michael took his in a church at a christening.  And while the vows were being recited, treacherous DEI bureaucrats and deep state saboteurs were getting whacked all over the countryside.  Executive orders were dropping like shotgun pellets blasting into elevators, and bullets into Moe Green’s glasses.

And on that very day, Cecile Richards – the ghoul who proudly oversaw 4 million lives cut short through her network of Planned Parenthood abortuaries – died. 

Normally, death is an event worth mourning, and one week is way too soon to discuss any silver lining in somebody’s passing.  But I think we owe it to Richards to take her worldview seriously, and assess her death in terms that someone in her line of work would wholeheartedly endorse. And none of her co-religionists who are enthusiastically carrying on her bloody work should be offended if we use their language to commemorate the event.  Therefore… 

“On January 20th, 2025, during their 271st trimester, the clump of cells known as Cecile Richards received a final act of women’s reproductive healthcare, which converted them into medical waste.  Anyone saddened by this news is probably a theocratic fascist, and certainly a misogynist, and should mind their own business.” 

Now if you’ll excuse him, Trump has to talk to Merrick Garland, whom he calls “Carlo,” for some reason. 

“You have to answer for Daniel Penny, Carlo….  Milley is out. So is Jack Smith.  Liz Cheney.  Kinzinger.  Today I settle all DOJ business.”  Garland’s lip starts quivering.  Trump puts his hand on his shoulder. 

“Don’t be afraid. (gestures over Garland’s shoulder) J.D., get him a drink.”  J.D. does, and Garland drinks it down.  Trump says, “Come on, I’m not going to make the wife of an ex-AG a widow.  No, your punishment is you never get to be on the Supreme Court.   But don’t tell me you’re innocent!”

Meanwhile, a car sits and idles outside the White House, with Tom Homan sitting in the back, behind the empty, passenger-side front seat.

And, scene.   

Trump Sprints Out of the Blocks, & the Philly Mayor Can’t Spell “Eagles”(posted 1/24/25)

It’s the first weekend of the new Trump era, and I’m in the mood to start out in Schadenfreude corner.

Tom Homan has been in charge of ICE for 4 days, and has already arrested 1400 illegals.  The vast majority of those had committed other crimes or else had had asylum requests rejected, and the remainder of them were “collateral arrests,” i.e. just plain illegals who were hanging around with the worst of the illegals when the hammer dropped.

Lefties call unintentionally catching those folks collateral damage, but normal people call it collateral benefits. 

You’ve probably seen the video of the handcuffed Haitian gang member with 17 prior convictions screaming out of a cop car, “F— Trump!  Biden forever, bro!  Thank Obama for everything he’s done for me!” 

He seems nice.

Man, if Trump was still running, he could slap an, “I’m Donald Trump, and I approve this message,” on the end of that and he’d have another world-class campaign ad. 

When asked about that criminal yelling, “I’m not going back to Haiti,” Homan said, “Well, he’s wrong.  He’s going back to Haiti.”  He also said that now that Trump’s in office, ICE agents have had the handcuffs taken off of them, and put onto the bad guys.

In an unrelated story, I spent the last hour looking at satellite photos of Mt. Rushmore, and I think I’ve found a good spot to begin blasting, to make room for adding Tom Homan’s big ol’ head up there. 

By the way, remember when Imhotep Pelosi – right after she tossed Biden’s desiccated corpse under the bus – said that she thought Joey Gaffes belonged on Mt. Rushmore?  HA!

Meanwhile, Scott Jennings continues to go through leftist CNN talking heads like Sherman through Georgia, leaving a scorched moonscape of ridiculous talking points and grievously wounded low IQ narcissists in his wake.

I know CNN brought him on in a desperate attempt to have at least one conservative voice on their failing network.  But I think the bubble they are in prevented them from appreciating what a bloodbath would ensue.  They probably thought, “Hey, he’ll be in a 5-against-1 situation on every segment, so how bad could it be?”

To which I would reply, “Do you know why nobody ever entered Mike Tyson at the height of his powers into a boxing tournament against an entire class of kindergartners?  Because it wouldn’t matter if there were 20 of them!  That would just increase the number of knocked-out baby teeth rattling across the floor like chiclets, you idiots!” 

Sorry for the graphic image.  But seriously.  Watch Scott Jennings taking on a panel of beta-males and sapphic scowlers, and try to keep the smile off of your face.  It can’t be done.

Speaking of CNN, you may remember their pollster, Harry Enten, who throughout the fall used lots of polls – and circled many numbers on many screens – to argue that Que Mala was likely to win in November.  He also polled Californians in the wake of the LA fires, and seemed shocked to find that the amount of computer searches for “wildfires” had soared something like 2400%, while searches for “climate change” had barely budged.

He really did that.  While Los Angelenos were surrounded by empty reservoirs, century-old power lines that were actively casting off sparks, and armies of homeless people making campfires in the midst of environmentally protected Dry Brush Sanctuaries (thanks, Gavin!), Enten couldn’t figure out why everybody wasn’t jumping on the “climate change caused the fires” bandwagon. 

Because you can’t spell “Einstein” without “Enten.” 

Well now, Harry is breathlessly reporting the shocking finding that there has been a “massive shift” among Americans in support for deporting illegals.  The bottom line is that 4 big polls found that between 55% and 64% of Americans want illegals forcibly vamoosed. 

While Harry is struggling to understand exactly why so many Americans believe that illegals contributed to climate change, I’ve got to say that those numbers seem too low.  I’ve seen a lot of polls in the last several years suggesting that over 70% of Americans want less LEGAL immigration.  If that’s true (and it seems logical), then these poll numbers today suggest that there’s less resistance to illegal immigration than there is to legal immigration!

Regardless, it’s a little surprising that even the mouth-breathers at CNN would be shocked and confused by these polls.  Regular people don’t approve of millions of people breaking our laws. DUH!

In other news, the lefties running The Daily Show might be feeling the consequences of their TDS-induced failures of late.  But instead of hiring Scott Jennings to serially pants their unfunny correspondents, they recently sent Triumph the Insult Comic Dog to mock the poor dead-enders attending the “People’s March” in Washington on Inauguration Day. 

If you haven’t seen it, you should, because it was very funny.  Highlights were when Triumph suggested that the left needs more conspiracy theories, and suggested a good one: “Jimmy Carter was doing just fine until Trump was re-elected.  Coincidence?”  Then he handed out hand-drawn “No Carter Killers!” signs.   He even came up with a chant: “GOP, stop the lies!  How did Jimmy Carter die?”

Most of the insults were silly, but a few of the shots hit closer to home.  As when he noted that nobody in this crowd was going to be breaking any windows at the capital, because “that would require upper body strength.”  And, “Looking around here, I’ve never seen so many people worried about losing the right to contraceptives for purely hypothetical reasons.”

I found the bit strangely heartening, because many of the leftists played along and laughed at the jokes at their expense.  And if the first step toward recovery is acknowledging that you have a problem, the second step has to be regaining your sense of humor.  It looks like some of them might be achieving step 2.

Now if they can just get working on that first step…

Finally, one more sobering note. 

Many people get furious when we suggest that making DEI hiring or election choices is foolish.  To counter their anger, serious conservatives can advance the hypothesis that the issue is often a simple math problem.

For example, when a terribly incompetent president – hypothetically – says that his vice presidential pick and his Supreme Court pick are both going to be black women, he has made a mistake.  Because black people are 13% of the population, and half of that number are women.  So he’s starting with an arbitrarily restricted applicant pool of only 6.5% of the population from whom he could otherwise choose.

Or, we could make a more succinct yet equally convincing argument, by showing a video of African-American female Philadelphia mayor Cherelle Parker leading excited residents in a cheer for the city’s football team, which has advanced to the NFC championship game.

Shouteth the mayor, “E-L-G-S-E-S!  Let’s go birds!” 

Oof!  “Eagles” is only two syllables.  It’s got six letters, and the mayor missed two of them.  Some wise guy immediately started making t-shirts with a Philly team motto printed on it: “Fly, ELGSES, Fly!”    

It’s not like the Philly mascot has an especially obscure or complicated name.  They’re not the Philadelphia Phainopepla, or the Philadelphia Common Paraque.  (Look ‘em up!)  I’m beginning to be grateful that she didn’t try to spell out “Philadelphia,” because you know she would have started with an “F.”    

And if any of you out there think that my extensive research doesn’t pay off, you’re wrong.  Because when I was looking up tough-to-spell bird names to make my hilarious point about the bonehead Philly mayor, I came across the Plain Chachalaca (rhymes with “Boom Shakalaka!”).  Which I’m sure Parker couldn’t spell, but could definitely chant. 

And no one in their right mind would prefer, “Eagles! Eagles! Let’s go birds!” to “Philly, Philly!  Plain Chachalaca!!”

By the way, the last Republican mayor of Philadelphia left office 73 years ago. Democrat voters outnumber Republicans 7-to-1, and they elected brainiac Cherelle Parker to lead them. 

UNEXPECTEDLY!

Inauguration Reactions (posted 1/22/25)

I know that many of you, like me, are likely in your refractory period after what had to be the best MLK Day/Inauguration Day ever! 

I don’t know if this is truly the beginning of a new golden age.  But I do feel like I can see what can be, unBidened by what has been!  (Hat tip to some anonymous memester.)  And that is pretty sweet!

Of course, Biden left the stage while littering DC with a flurry of blatantly corrupt, last-minute pardons for many of his co-conspirators.  Which is a perfect way for him to exit, because it leaves a bad taste in everybody’s mouth, and really hamstrings the Democrats who had been getting ready to mount their high horses and proclaim how evil blanket pardons are, as Trump prepared to pardon the J6ers.

The fact that all of the pardons not given to hard-core murderers already in prison are “pre-emptive” pardons is unprecedented, too.  I think it was unlikely that Trump would have prosecuted many of the pardoned people, if any.  Just as he made a big deal out of threatening to jail Hillary in the ’16 campaign and didn’t do it after he won, he might have decided to spend his time and political capital on getting his agenda done, rather than fighting those old battles. 

But as the Bible says, “The wicked flee when none pursueth.”  (Some translations have it “the guilty flee” or “the evil flee.”  All would apply to Biden’s sleazy henchmen, IMHO.)  

That’s not to say that at least investigating the Biden family, the J6 star chamber, and Fauci, Milley et al wouldn’t have been fully justified.  It might have brought justice to some bad actors, and also served as a deterrent to others tempted to follow their corrupt path. And after everything that the left establishment has done to misuse the law to go after their political enemies, it would be delicious indeed to see them get some of their own medicine, especially since they richly deserve it.

Either way, though, our spokespeople – official and unofficial – need to keep Biden’s pardons holstered and ready, and make sure that the public is fully aware of the way the corrupt Dems acted.  We should hang these pardons around the necks of Schumer and Schiff and the whole rotten lot of them. 

One odd pardon I didn’t hear about until later: Leonard Peltier, whom the MSM calls “a longtime jailed Native American activist” who was America’s “longest serving political prisoner.”  Other people – without a set of political blinders on so thick and large that they could fit on Hillary “Clydesdale Ankles” Clinton with a simple cinching device – call him the Indian double-murderer of two FBI agents.  (And this was back when FBI agents weren’t the kind of corrupt pervs who rummage through Melania’s underwear drawer and raid little old Catholic ladies who pray outside of abortion clinics.)

I’ll bet Lizzie Warren insisted on Peltier’s pardon, just out of good ol’ fashioned Indian solidarity.  (#wemustneverstopmockingher) 

In addition to all of the good things that happened, I also enjoyed the “driving our enemies before us and listening to the lamentations of their people who use she/her pronouns” part, too.

It was satisfying to watch Biden have to sit there and listen to Trump roast him.  And after all of Biden’s scandalous actions, record low poll numbers, and the triumph of his most hated rival, I’m sure that the entire Biden family is grateful that they got most of their wish, that Joe didn’t live to see this.     

I loved Carrie Underwood’s acapella rendition of “America the Beautiful.”  Especially with the comedic enhancement of watching Biden “singing” in the background, his eyes blank and his mouth barely moving.  You just know he was singing, “The Wheels on the Bus go Round and Round,” or “Itsy Bitsy Spider,” or something like that.

It was also great to see Kamala there, a pained expression on her face and cheap box wine on her breath.   

But it was also nice to hear about those who skipped the festivities.  AOC wouldn’t attend because “I don’t celebrate rapists.”  (Except for Biden with Tara Reade, or Slick Willy with Juanita Brodderick, etc., not to mention woman harassers and beaters like Doug Emhoff, and even woman killers, like Ted Kennedy and a bunch of the convicts whose sentences Biden just commuted).

Nancy Pelosi didn’t attend because she was busy in the subterranean crypt beneath her pyramid –surrounded by her organs arrayed about her in their individual canopic jars – working on rehabbing her recently broken hip.  

Michelle Obama didn’t attend because she didn’t want to miss linebacker practice for the AFC championship game. 

Even though the leftist foot-soldier protestors weren’t out in the kind of force they achieved in the female-genitalia-hat rally in 2017, although they made up for their small numbers with impotent, imbecilic rage.  Or at least they tried.

An Al Jazeera story told the sad tale: “Dozens of people gathered at a park near central Washington, DC to protest a wide range of issues, from the environment to Pro-Palestinian rights, as Donald Trump was sworn into offices.”  (Dozens!)

Yes, it was a bingo card of delusions, fringe causes, lost causes, bad causes, and bad faith.  If you had “don’t deport illegal criminals,” “more partial-birth abortions,” “fight the sun monster!” “kill all the Jews,” “workers of the world unite,” “regular sex is icky,” and “Boo, Orange Hitler” … that’s a bingo! 

Some of the peace-loving weirdos even set up their own fake guillotine. 

You may remember that when Trump supporters put up a fake gallows, that was an insurrection and an attack on democracy meriting many years in jail.  But when Holocaust enthusiasts and communists put up a fake guillotine, that’s just righteous civil disobedience.

Remember when Sarte said, “Hell is other people?” 

These are the people he was talking about.  

But so many good things were happening, too.  The executive orders were great: reversing all of Biden’s EOs; marshalling forces to close the border and start deportations; offering reinstatement and back pay for soldiers expelled over the vax mandate; yanking security clearance from the 51 liars who pretended that Hunter’s laptop was Putin’s; killing DEI, just to name a few.

And after using dozens of pens to sign those beautiful bits of legislative goodness, a commentator noted that Trump started tossing pens to the crowd like rock stars tossing guitar picks. 

(Speaking of which, my wife happens to have two picks from Rick Nielsen after a great Cheap Trick concert in the early 80s.  I suspect that she might not have been available for me to sweep off her feet in 1986 if Robin Zander would have had the good sense to make a play for her back then.  His loss was my gain.)

It was also good to see Melania (giggity giggity), who looked amazing.  (Unexpectedly!)  That hat shouldn’t work, but it did.  If you had asked me on January 19th, “Martin, would you like your first lady to look like a femme fatale spy/gangster whose eyes you could never see?”  I would not have been enthusiastic.

But now I am extremely enthusiastic. 

Also, watching the Prez doing his goofy YMCA dance with that sword?  Say what you will about Trump, but that guy is confident in his masculinity.

Because anyone who can pick the gayest song of all time – “Tiptoe Through the Tulips” doesn’t count, because c’mon – and appear on stage while the Village People gyrate to that anthem, and then later dance to that song while wielding an actual sword?   (And you don’t have to be Bob Freud – grandson of Sigmund – to appreciate the work that that sword is doing there.)

THAT’s a man who is comfortable in his own heterosexual skin.  (I was going to say “a man comfortable in his own foreskin,” but I’m too highbrow for that kind of juvenile humor.) 

On a personal note, a funny thing happened here at stately Simpson manor on inauguration day.  Our house is within half a mile of the Swamp – the good one, where the Gators play – and when we’re not at the games, we can hear the game being called, and Tom Petty’s “Won’t Back Down” being played at the end of the third quarter.

(By the way, if I can be forgiven a little hometown pride, Gators are well-represented in Trump circles.  New AG Pam Bondi, new SecState Marco Rubio, and new Florida Senator (taking Rubio’s place) Ashley Moody are all UF grads.  You’re welcome, nation.)

But we’re also on a tree-lined, dead-end three block street, with the houses on our block all owned by regular adults and families, rather than rented by college students. So our neighborhood is generally pretty quiet.  But there are rentals one block behind us, and all day Monday there was a huge party going on in the backyard of a house two doors down.  Judging from the loud music and the soft roar of conversation, around several hundred college kids were there.

I was almost getting annoyed – or as annoyed as I could get on that day of days – until I heard the song that turned it around for me.  You guessed it: YMCA. 

The kids are all right, CO nation.  Or at least some of them.   (I can’t speak for FSU students, many of whom probably would have behaved similarly, except that they can’t spell “YMCA.”) (Also, I’m pretty sure Liz Warren claims to be a Seminole.)

#neverstop

Merry Inauguration Eve! (posted 1/20/25)

I’m writing this on Sunday night, so I haven’t basked in Trump’s inauguration yet.  But I do have plenty to write about, mostly celebrating the departure of the outgoing wretched hive of scum and villainy one more time, in preparation for the dawn of a new day.  So let’s just jump in.

It would have been extremely disorienting if Biden and the Dems would have become rational and conciliatory during the last days of Biden’s maladministration (half malady, half administration).  However, we didn’t have to deal with that disorientation, since none of the Dems (except for Strokey McFetterman) have learned a thing from their beautiful electoral beat down, and Biden is staggering right through the tape in full jackass mode. 

He tried to sell off the border wall, pardoned his derelict son (and many other undeserving felons as well), gave medals to a series of mostly ne’er-do-wells and rarely-do-wells – When will George Soros do well?  Ne’er! – and claimed that “the red states have really screwed up their economies.”

Which is why there are wagon trains of U-Hauls fleeing blue states to red ones, all bunched up like they were going through hostile, Warren country (#wemustneverstopmockingher), watching behind them for any greedy Dem tax authorities (thinly disguised as vultures) following along, hoping to prey on any stragglers who fall behind. 

But perhaps the best example of Biden’s toxic combination of hubris and cognitive rot was his pompous declaration that the ERA is now the 28th Amendment to the Constitution. 

That bit of absurdity launched a thousand memes.  Comparisons were made to Michael Scott stepping into the middle of the office and hollering, “I declare BANKRUPTCY!”  J.D. Vance took a hilarious shot, to the effect of, “As long as we’re just declaring sh*t, I declare that Pete Rose is now in the Baseball Hall of Fame.”

A roomful of partisan fools cheered wildly for Biden’s faux declaration, but it obviously had as much real-world effect as if he’d put out a statement on White House stationery declaring, “1, 2, 3, 4, I declare a thumb war!”

I will still feel some suspense until Trump takes the oath, expecting that Biden will drop one more tranche of unjustified pardons, these to cover Liz Cheney and the other masterminds behind the J6 show trial, and God knows who else. 

One thing I don’t feel any suspense about?  Biden announcing the cure for cancer that he promised.  Because he may have beaten Medicaid, but he certainly didn’t beat cancer. 

Or dementia.  To which he lost a unanimous decision sometime in 2021.

Having said all that, Biden did accomplish one thing that I’d have not thought possible.  He’s made the nation even happier that Trump is taking over.

On a more somber note, we lost the great Bob Uecker last week.  Since I was already trying to fight back my giddiness amidst the euphoria of the run-up to Monday, I watched Major League again this weekend, as my own fond tribute to the Uke.

My favorite part of re-watching the movie was seeing all of the fans dressed up in their Lizzie Warren costumes, with headdresses and rubber tomahawks and banging on tribal drums and all the rest.  (#wemustneverstopmockingher)  It was a bittersweet reminder of a time when common sense was way more common, and most people had a sense of humor.

Just seeing that goofy Cleveland emblem again, with the cartoon Indian smiling broadly, did my heart good.  I hope that the good people of Cleveland – in what is now a reliably red state – will rise up at some point during the next four years, and ditch their idiotic, woke mascot of the “Guardians” and reclaim the Indians!

Also, I’m sick of so many people in our nation’s capital thinking that they’re our commanders.  The Washington football team will always be the Redskins to me.  (Or possibly – after a few shots of Scotch or Bourbon – the Fightin’ Warrens.) (#neverstop)

Finally, I don’t know if you saw the nauseating video of terrible Attorney General Merrick Garland leaving his building for the last time on Friday.  But if you haven’t, you should.

He stepped out of the elevator into a marble hallway, which was lined on both sides with applauding sycophants, cheering his awful tenure.  And this display went on and on, as he got handshakes and fist bumps as he moved along.  (Tragically, nobody faked a fist bump, then slipped a pair of handcuffs on him.)

There were young people and old in that crowd.  Some were taking video.  One older lady was in a wheelchair, and some staffers brought their kids.  (I’m guessing these are the types who have fought hard to make sure those kids have easy access to child porn in their school libraries.  So maybe it’s a good thing that they took them out of school to come to work with mom or dad and cheer for the corrupt old guy who – thank God! – will at least never be on the Supreme Court.)

I swear to you, one guy in the line was banging on a cowbell as Garland took what should have been his walk of shame.  I’m not making that up.  A cowbell!

To paraphrase the great Bruce Dickinson (as played by Christopher Walken) – He puts his pants on one leg at a time.  But once his pants are on, he makes gold records! – we all have a fever, and the only prescription is no freakin’ cowbell! 

Because just like there should be no crying in baseball, there should be NO cowbell in DC send-offs for corrupt politicians.  It’s a cliché because it’s true.

Many smart folks on X tagged the video with the same message: get this video to Trump, so he can make sure that every person in this video is fired by Monday night.  I might go even farther.  I think everyone in the video should be taken to the local police precinct and subjected to extensive interrogation, with an eye toward some kind of charges.

All of them.  Roll grammy in her wheelchair right into the interrogation room with the one-way mirror.  Split up the couples into separate rooms, so they can’t get their stories straight ahead of time.  Put the kids in juvie, just until they can be cleared. 

And throw cowbell boy into solitary for at least 60 days before you start his interrogation!

Not a joke.  I’m being serious here.  And guess what?  Here’s the deal.  End of quote. (That was my Biden impression.  Admit it: you threw up a bit in the back of your mouth.  That’s how good my impressions are.)  There will be plenty of open cells to hold those Garland co-conspirators, as soon as all of the jailed non-violent January 6th protestors are pardoned by close of business on Monday.    

Remember people, JOY cometh in the morning.

And finally, today, on the third Monday of January in the year of our Lord 2025…it’s THIS morning!

The Entertaining Confirmation Clown Show, & a Guy Caught For Child Porn is Exactly Who You’d Expect (posted 1/17/25)

I’m hoping that at least a few of you in CO nation, as you’ve been watching the confirmation hearings this week, have thought to yourself, “Wow, I hope Martin is watching this, because they are giving him a target-rich environment of mock-worthy shenanigans.” 

And holy cats, is that an understatement!  This has been a “can’t-stop-watching-it” disaster epic like I haven’t seen since Joe Biden visibly decomposed in that debate.  It’s got everything you want in a classic freak show.  The bearded lady.  (I’m not specifying which.)  The Amazing Neckless Senator.  The white Indian.  (#wemustneverstopmockingher)  The chinless wonder.  The Incredible Oblivious Man.  The Strong (smelling) Man.  (Proofreading note: confirm that Swalwell was in the room before I go with this one.)

With this number of eyeballs on a telegenic 100-clown-car pile-up, I think potential advertisers who didn’t arrange to sponsor it left big money on the table. How did Big Methadone not pay for the tv rights to this?!

I picture a big banner at the back of the room, and chirons on the bottom of tv screens: “The 2025 Nomination Hearing/Witch Hunt Extravaganza.  Brought to you by Methadone.  “When Heroin is No Longer working, but You’re Not Ready for Sobriety Yet.  Methadone!”

Of course it wouldn’t be a high-profile DC event without far-left weirdos interrupting the proceedings.  But every time one of them starts hollering incoherently like the homeless cat lady on the Simpsons, I find myself asking the obvious question: Are tasers broken? 

If not, and if you must allow emotionally unstable people in, just position a security guy behind each of them, with a taser out and hovering about six inches from the back of their necks.  And as soon as they start the gibberish, see which security guy can get his assignee to do the best “salmon jumping upstream to spawn” impression.  Monetary awards to the winners.

And it’s not like the protestors are hard to spot, guys.  We all know the tell-tale signs:

Crazy eyes

Wild, fly-away Bernie Sanders hair

General dishevelment

A terrorist dishrag (you say “keffiyeh,” I say “terrorist dish rag”) around their necks

Carrying a small cardboard sign riddled with misspellings and out-of-place exclamation marks

Odd pink clothing that suggests either someone in an impoverished Third-World traveling circus who couldn’t afford traditional clown costumes, or the gayest Nazi you’ve ever seen in your life. 

If anybody comes in who checks three or more of those boxes, pre-position the security crew’s taser squad, and prepare to light them up!  And if they accidentally tase Bernie Sanders – hey, he checked the first three boxes – I think we can all live with that. 

Because the Democrat senators are generally only half a standard deviation less crazy than the protestors.

It’s hard to even pick which senator put in the worst performance.  Grandma Squanto and Kirsten Gillibrand were over-the-top annoying, as were many others.  But if pushed, I’d say that the three who were definitely on the medal stand (in the Horse’s Arse floor event) were Schiff, Hirono and Blumenthal.  Hegseth and Bondi made all three of them look ridiculous.  

The visuals alone, when Crazy Mazie was interrogating Pam Bondi, were brutal.  Bondi looks like Pam Bondi, while Hirono looks like a troll who found some talking points under a bridge and shambled up to a microphone to read them.   

One highlight was when Hirono bizarrely asked Bondi if she had ever “made any unwanted sexual advances” to anyone.  (I yelled the line she should have used at my tv: “UNWANTED?  No.”)

She and Hegseth both ran circles around Dick “nobody calls him Richard” Durbin and Richard “everybody secretly calls him Dick” Blumenthal.  The latter is a particular enigma to me, because for years he falsely claimed to have served in Vietnam, and yet he eagerly launched one thinly disguised attack after another at Hegseth, an actual combat veteran.  (Schiff did something similar, brushing it off when Bondi nailed him about how he’d been censured for making the same kind of dishonest statements he was throwing at her.)   

Which brings up a fundamental question of human psychology: How can some reasonably functional people be either completely oblivious or so lacking in shame that they can blithely expose themselves in ways that would humiliate a normal person?

I think I’m pretty normal.  ([engage Moe Howard voice] Quiet, you!) And as a normie, I share most people’s tendency to remember negative feedback and criticism more than compliments.  As a professor,  I’d generally get very high ratings from students, with lots of comments like “This is the funniest professor I’ve ever had” and, “If it wasn’t for our age difference, I’d throw myself at him shamelessly.” 

But all of those blur together, while the relative handful of negative comments stick in my mind.  For example, from November of 2006: “I agree with People Magazine that George Clooney deserved to narrowly beat out Dr. Simpson for “Sexiest Man Alive.” 

That was 18 years ago, and it still stings.

But these people can stand up in front of God and everyone and say the most self-mortifying things.  Blumenthal should be ashamed to show his face in public within a mile of a veteran.  Schiff and Hirono should hide their faces everywhere, on general principle. 

Meanwhile, Democrats outside the hearings were making themselves look just as bad.  Biden gave a truly pathetic goodbye address, filled with lies from beginning to end, stitched together with self-pity.  But the pouting didn’t stop there, as “Dr.” Jill bad-mouthed Nancy Pelosi, and KJP gave one final petulant press briefing.

Also, there’s bad news for those of you who wanted a bulky, run-stopping presence in the middle during the inauguration: Michelle Obama has announced that she won’t attend, because she’s “not a phony.” 

Which is a nice touch, since her phony husband will be attending.  (I’d guess that Barry would be pretty upset about that, and might even stand up to her.  Until he thinks about whether he really wants her to beat his scrawny, hypocritical arse and grind his bones, like the giant in Jack and the Beanstalk.)

Also, Imhotep Pelosi isn’t going, either.  She did make it to Trump’s 2017 inauguration, wearing some tasteful burial wrappings and that frozen Botox half-scowl of hers.  Sources say that this will be the first inauguration she will miss since she started her attendance streak at the deification ceremony of Cheops the Unsteady in the Valley of the Kings in 2563 BC.  

One of my favorite examples of leftists gnashing their teeth has to be the press’ reaction to the shake-up in the White House press room, moving the terrible MSM outlets toward the back of the room, and the “new media” up front.  I don’t think that move would have been necessary if the MSM had just been hostile to Trump, because a skeptical and questioning media is necessary in a democratic republic.

But they haven’t been that.  They’ve been instinctively and thoroughly dishonest and biased, which is not tolerable in a free country’s media.  They’ve been supine boot-lickers for leftists, selling one big lie after another (Joe Biden is super compos mentis, the laptop is Russian disinfo, etc.), and deranged slanderers of everybody with an R beside their name.  (While only 55% of them deserve it!)

A secondary, but still great reason for the reshuffling: the whole point of a press corps is to get information out to the public.  So it’s illogical to give prime press room real estate to the legacy media, whose plummeting viewership and readership means that the info they spin and distribute will go largely unseen. 

Plus there’s the schadenfreude-tastic optics of watching the arrogant MSMers being marched to a back corner, from where they have to jump and wave their hands and yell, in the usually vain hope of being called on. 

If I were Trump I’d double-down and troll them even harder.  I’d try to make the back of the room look as much like a musty, far corner of a basement as I could.  I’d install a wheezy old boiler, and dump off a bunch of used sports equipment and damp bags of pesticides, and have White House aides spread fresh dust around every morning. 

And spiders.  Lots of spiders. 

Finally, I’ll close with one more story from Schadenfreude Corner:

Darrin Bell is a far-left cartoonist who produces tired, lame and lazy cartoons.  Many of them communicate the wildly creative and original implication that Republicans are Nazis, and that Trump is a Nazi.  For that kind of brilliance, he was awarded a Pulitzer prize, and an NAACP Image Award (he’s black) in 2024.

At least two of his cartoons had mocked the GOP contention that sexually grooming children is happening, and that it’s bad.  One had an elephant opening his trenchcoat in front of toddlers, labeling him as a groomer.  But what he revealed to the kids was a sign around his neck reading “bigotry.” Get it?  Conservative bigotry is the real threat to children.

In another, a rage-distorted, split-faced white male – MAGA hat wearer on the left, Nazi on the right – screams “Groomer,” presumably at the sane, moral lefties who just want to include child porn books in school libraries.  As healthy, salt-of-the-earth types do, I guess.

Well, on Wednesday the 15th, Darrin was arrested for… wait for it…possessing and distributing over 100 videos of child pornography.  UNEXPECTEDLY!

Providing yet more proof of two time-worn adages: 

1. Every accusation is a confession, and

2. It’s always the ones you most suspect.

Put the champagne on ice, because Monday is coming, people!

Lefties Aren’t Giving Up, But They’re Not Winning – Especially in Florida (posted 1/10/25)

Well, it’s only 10 days until this madness ends, and the comic buffoonery just keeps coming at us.

Grandma Squanto, for example, is riding scout on some of Trump’s cabinet nominees, especially Pete Hegseth.  She got out front with a 33-page letter detailing all of her many objections to him.  For example, she’s really freaked out by his scary Christian tattoo, taking her cue from some nitwit who associated the tat with “right-wing extremism.”  Which, I’m pretty sure, is just another word for “Christian” in her mind. 

She wrote, “We cannot have a [SecDef] whose fellow servicemembers feel concerned enough about to report as a potential insider threat.”  Got that?  One quivering, low-T military desk-rider got his/her gender non-binary onesie over its head because of Pete’s icky tattoo, and now he can’t be in the defense department.

I’ve heard of a “heckler’s veto” before, but this is the first time I’ve seen a “hysteric’s veto.”  That’s not the way you run a military, Liz.

I get it, though.  The defense department is very triggering for her.  (Or I guess in her case, very “bow-stringing”?) (#wemustneverstopmockingher)  After all, her ancestral people have a pretty lousy win-loss record against the US military. 

I mean sure, they won at the Little Big Horn, but other than that…

Warren also has her deerskin panties in a bunch (#neverstop) because of Hegseth’s criticism of DEI idiocy in the military.  “I think we all know that the Founding Fathers wanted above all that we should judge each other by the color of our skin.  Which, as you can clearly see in my case, is a glorious, deep red.”  (#nevernevernever)

Okay, I made that quote up.  But I think I accurately conveyed the gist of her ridiculous argument.

Meanwhile, the used-to-be-funny Jon Stewart has tacitly admitted what terrible candidates Brandon and Que Mala were, but he still felt obligated to praise how virtuous she was when she presided over the Ceremonial Stating of the Obvious, i.e. the certification of Trump’s victory. 

Steward couldn’t resist taking a shot at Trump in the process, saying how smoothly democracy can work when “you don’t act like a little bitch when you lose.” 

Um, Hillary Clinton and Stacy Abrams are probably watching, Jon.  As well as the dozens of Democrat congresscreeps who protested and came out against certifying that Trump had won in 2016.  Have a little empathy for crying bitches everywhere, why don’t you?

On the anny-tray front (I’m still not sure that the FB “fact-checkers” have really been disbanded), I’ve got two stories, one from California and one from Florida.  And the ending of these stories tells you a lot about why people have been moving from the former to the latter.

California first.  The firefighting policies and personnel in LA have received a lot of attention this week, since the city appears to be burning to the ground.  You’ve probably already heard about the head of the LAFD – a sapphic gal named Kristen Crowley – on account of the glowing press she received for becoming the first LGBTQ person to hold her position.  You won’t be shocked to learn that she’s a big fan of DEI.

Naturally, she hired an Assistant Fire Chief (and, I’m not making this up, head of the DEI Bureau) who is a rotund African-American woman named Kristine Larson.  In a recent video, she stated one of the common, patronizing tropes of DEI enthusiasts: that when people call for a firefighter (or cop, or presidential candidate), they “want someone that looks like you.” 

Does anyone really believe that? What if you’re a wheelchair-bound Indonesian octogenarian lady and your house is burning down?  Are you hoping to see a wrinkly firefighter roll up and over your threshold in her wheelchair, completely out of breath, so that you can both have a nice chat about pronouns while you burn to death in your wheelchairs together?

I know what you’re thinking.  “Martin, she could not possibly say anything stupider than that!” 

Au contraire, mon frere.  Because Larson then said, “Hold my nasal cannula, and watch this.”

And she raised the obvious objection that any sentient mammal would have when faced with someone advocating choosing firefighters not because they are physically capable of fighting fires, but because of the color of their skin and the nature of their genitalia.

She imagines a citizen saying, “Is she strong enough to do this, or you couldn’t carry my husband out of a fire?”  In a sane world, she’d pause for a minute, then began to sweat and blush, and say, “Holy crap.  That’s a great question!  My position on this has been embarrassingly stupid.  I hereby resign from my job.”

But this isn’t a sane world.  It’s Los Angeles.  So what Kristine Larson really said was, “To which my response is, ‘He got himself in the wrong place if I have to carry him out of a fire.’”

That’s a real thing that she said.  If people are trapped in fires, the Assistant Fire Chief thinks that they’ve gotten themselves into the wrong place.  And she’s very disappointed in them. 

I have no words.   Except, “Idiot!”  And, “Moron!”

And, “Great job, Democrat voters of LA and California!” 

So LA has hired and given power to this woman, and her similarly wokified boss, and who knows how many others like her.  And LA is now the World’s Biggest Dumpster Fire™. 

UNEXPECTEDLY!

Meanwhile, in Florida, an equally gender confused oddball posted an obnoxiously creepy celebratory video about how he had tricked the evil state of Florida into giving him a driver’s license that listed his sex as female.  He explains that he “lost” his driver’s license, and then took in his passport that identifies him as a woman, thus forcing them to give a replacement license that says he’s a woman.

Just from watching the video, you know the kind of rich fantasy life this guy has, because he also becomes giddy at the thought that Ron DeSantis must be running around in a rage and defecating on himself because his will has been thwarted by this stalwart gender warrior.

First, that’s Joe Biden you’re thinking of, and he’s going to be gone in 10 days!

Second, the state of Florida’s reaction was 24-karat gold!  When some people in Florida’s DMV saw this guy’s video, they quickly sent him a letter thanking him for bringing to their attention the loophole he had exploited, and notifying him that his incorrect license had been invalidated.  They pointed out that they are now investigating other such cases, and will ensure that nobody else is able to follow his example.  The letter also hinted that he might be looking at charges, since falsely claiming that you’ve lost your license in order to get a fraudulently altered replacement would be considered a felony.

The envelope also contained his new, valid driver’s license, which correctly identifies him as a male.  To which any compassionate person can only have one reaction.  Which is… HA! HAHA! HAHAHAHA!

Actually, since it’s a new year, and one of my resolutions is to become a kinder and gentler Martin, I will honestly say that we should pray for confused people like this guy.  If he’s got actual gender dysmorphia, that’s got to be a horrible illness, and we should hope that he gets the treatment that he needs. 

Even if he’s just following some kind of social contagion, he still has to be deeply unhappy, as anyone who dedicates his life to fighting against reality is bound to be.  His obnoxious and disturbing behavior aside, it’s pitiable that he’s placed so much emphasis on getting official documents that wrongly label him, as if that has any effect on the reality of who he is. 

Really.  Can you imagine getting giddy with childish excitement when you temporarily trick some state agency into confirming your dishonest statement about yourself on a document?  That would be like a childless man ordering a “World’s Greatest Dad” mug from Amazon, and then shrieking and running around like he just won the lottery when he unwrapped it beside his mailbox. 

So as much as I might initially enjoy watching his celebratory video, followed quickly by learning his getting a karmic beat-down, I feel bad for the poor, deluded guy.  Because I’ve got news for him: getting bitch-slapped by conservative reality doesn’t make you a woman. 

Just ask Tim Walz, Jon Stewart, Robert DeNiro, Michael Moore, Rob Reiner, or Justin Trudeau.

Okay.  Justin Trudeau might be the exception that proves the rule. 

10 days left, people!

Satisfying Certification, Terrible Medal of Freedom Choices, & a Few Suggestions for Trump (posted 1/6/25)

My good mood throughout the month of January continues today, when Que Mala will have to grit her teeth and preside over the certification of the election of Donald J. Trump (the “J” is for “Joke’s on you, sleazy Dems”), a ceremony I expect to be blissfully cackle-free. 

It’s supposed to be snowing in DC tomorrow, which could provide a great visual backdrop, since falling snow often lends drama and beauty to an event.  (As those of you who have been well-raised may remember from Wilbur Marshall returning a fumble for a touchdown in blowing snow when the Bears beat the Rams for the NFC Championship on January 12th, 1986.  Obviously.)

I’d love to see Trump and his entourage re-create Jimmy Stewart’s ecstatic jog through snowy Bedford Falls at the end of It’s a Wonderful Life.  He’d come down the capitol steps doing that ridiculous Trump dance, then shout at the over-sized buildings lining the streets.  “Hello, Department of Whatever! Get ready for budget cuts!” before stopping outside of Schumer’s office and banging on the window.  “Happy Certification Day, Mr. Potter!  I mean, Mr. Schumer!”

And then he’d get to the White House Oval Office (because Biden wandered off and left the door open), where everybody would pile in around him.  JD, Elon, Melania, the whole crowd.  And then someone’s phone would ring, and JD’s daughter would say, “Teacher says, every time a bell rings, Hunter snorts a line of coke off a hooker’s behind.”

Okay, that got away from me there at the end.  But you get the idea: everything is looking up!

However, even amidst the joy of the long-overdue departure of Biden and the Bidenettes, ol’ Brandon is doing everything he can to quash my good mood.   

For example, I’m a lot less happy about the Presidential Medal of Freedom I’ve got hanging in my closet, now that Joey Gaffes has started handing out them to people he thinks deserve them.  (I already put my Nobel Peace Prize in a shoebox when Yassar Arafat won one.  And don’t get me started on the voting irregularities involved in the People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive contest!  Sure Clooney looked okay in 2006, and Hugh Jackman in ’08.  And I get it, Chris Hemsworth was Thor.  But for me to get bumped down to runner-up not once, not twice, but thrice?!  Bah!)

Where was I?  Oh yeah.    

Biden handed out more of the awards last week, and sure, not all of them went to bad people.  I mean, Michael J. Fox and Magic Johnson are okay, and Denzel Washington is great.

But consider these “winners” who have received the award from Biden’s cold, dead hands:  Cecile Richards (Planned Parenthood boss who presided over 3 million abortions during her tenure); Lionel Messi (pro soccer player); Hillary Clinton (sexual-harassment-enabler and hideous shrew); Bill Nye (propagandist for non-scientific drivel); and George Soros (real-life Bond villain and vile hater of democracy and all things good). 

I know what you’re thinking, because I’m thinking it too.  How low can Biden go?  A pro SOCCER player?!

HA!  I kid.  But if I told you that I’ve made a list of 5 reprobates, and the LEAST objectionable one on the list was a pro soccer player, you’d know how bad that list is.

But let’s not get caught up in the malicious thrashings of the Biden administration’s death throes.  Let’s look at just a few of the good things we can expect to see starting January 20th:

1. A clear message is going out to all hostile nations that there’s a new sheriff in the White House.  There is a specific way I’d like that message sent, but I know it’s not going to happen.  Still, picture this scenario:

Xi Jinping is having a birthday party for one of his granddaughters in Beijing, and one of the balloons gets loose and floats upward.  The girl cries out, and Xi starts to reassure her that he’ll get her another balloon.

But before he can, a drone rises from behind a nearby treeline, and a brief chatter of machine gun fire pops the balloon.  Everybody scatters, and Xi’s security knocks him to the ground and covers him, as his cell phone rings.  He answers it. 

“Hello Xi, this is President Trump.  Let me explain what just happened.  That was our drone that shot down what I’m sure you’re about to tell me was your granddaughter’s balloon. And maybe it was.  But the last time you launched a balloon, the very stupid man who used to be our president let it float all the way across our country, spying the whole time.  Well those days are over, my diminutive friend.”

“I’m announcing a new policy right now.  I call it my ‘Shoot Down All the Chinese Balloons’ Policy, and it’s going to be fantastic.  People are already saying it’s the best balloon policy they’ve ever heard of.  The people love Trump, and they love this new policy.”

“Also, I’ve heard that you’ve gotten very angry when some of your people pointed out that you look like Winnie the Pooh.  So I’m going to call you Winnie the Ping from now on.  Or possibly Winnie Ji Ping.  I’ll run it by JD and Melania, and let you know.”

“In the meantime, no more balloons, Winnie.  I mean it.” 

And, scene.

2.  Before the election I wrote a policy wish list for Trump, and it included getting rid of birthright citizenship.   Since the election he’s brought that topic up, so I’m hoping he’s got some lawyers studying it and coming up with a plan as we speak.

3. I’d also like to see him mandate the use of E-verify in all states by all employers, using whatever means at hand to enforce it.  This is a federal service that’s been around for almost 30 years; employers can use it to verify a job applicant’s legal status to work in the US.  Right now only 10 states have made it universal and mandatory, while 11 others require it only from government contractors.  Trump should require it in all 50 states. 

According to Gateway Pundit, a 2016 study found that illegal immigration rates fell by as much as 50% in the states that require all employers to use e-verify.  The current estimate is that around 75% of illegals are in the labor force, and if they are forced out of jobs, they’ll self-deport, as over a million did in the 2008 recession. 

Incentives shape behavior, and the ability to work here incentivizes illegal immigration. I’m no lawyer, but I think Trump can use incentives to deploy e-verify nationwide.  I’d use the model the Feds did with the 55 mph speed limit: states who wouldn’t enforce the limit received no federal highway funds.

I’m hoping Trump takes that approach with sanctuary cities and states, and with e-verify: if you won’t cooperate on enforcement, we’ll redirect some of your social spending money to bring in Tom Homan to do the job you’re refusing to do.  And if you try to stop him, he’ll arrest and charge you. 

I’ve got some more ideas, which I’ll post later in the week. Tren de Aragua delenda est!

The Dangerous Temptation of Self-Flattering Lies (posted 1/3/25)

I know that the start of a new year is actually just a date on the calendar, without any magical significance of its own.  And I know that we can always, at any time of year, pause and take stock of what has gone well or poorly in the past, and resolve to make changes in behavior and direction accordingly. But it feels more natural to do all of that at the beginning of January.  

And this year more than most, I’m savoring a real feeling of renewal.  I’m looking forward to the new year in ways that I haven’t since the darkness of the Biden term descended upon us like a plague of morose fatalism mixed with the constant, dull ache of societal dissolution, accompanied by gastric distress and existential angst.

It seemed like every time I turned around, there was a demented old man shaking his fist and screaming at me as he repeatedly tripped over things that are normally un-trip-over-able. And homely men pretending to be homelier women at that time of the month. And a dyspeptic old white lady pretending to be a Cherokee princess (#evenin2025wemustneverstopmockingher), and Nancy Pelosi (#Aiiee!themummywalksamongstus).

And always, ALWAYS – from KJP and the legacy media and every national Dem (except sometimes Fetterman) – the lying about everything, which insulted our intelligence and challenged our gag reflexes. 

And now, all of that is set to go into remission for a while, and I couldn’t be happier. 

In fact, I’ve probably watched 30 hours of online videos of various lefty talking heads gloating before the election about how Que Mala was going to stomp Trump and all of his evil minions, and then whining and crying in the glorious aftermath.  And not just because it is great fun.

Okay, mostly because it is great fun.  To watch the arrogant get humbled, the certain get confounded, and the hateful get Hillary-slapped by reality?  That feels so good that it just might cure cancer. 

And because I love Shakespeare and all edifying drama, I often watch those videos thinking of one of our great thespian’s greatest filmed moments (Arnold as Conan, of course), when asked what is best in life: “To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their men who identify as women.”     

But beyond offering hours of schadenfreude-tastic good times, those videos have reminded me of a more serious point, too.  Because those videos demonstrate the baffling inability of so many reasonably intelligent people to answer the two questions that they seem desperate to answer:     

Why did Kamala lose, and why were we so wrong about that outcome?

The many partial answers are as painful as they are obvious: Que Mala was a terrible candidate.  Biden/Harris’ policies were far-left, and therefore produced terrible results.  (Unexpectedly!)  Most Americans don’t want open borders, and the crime, costs and chaos that come with them.  Most Americans know that chromosomes exist, and that putting on some ruby slippers and clicking your heels three times while making a wish doesn’t change that.

I could go on.  So I will.

Most Americans saw through the leftist gaslighting on virtually every subject for four years.  They also remember that Trump was president already, and that he wasn’t a Hitlerian fascist who destroyed the world.

Almost Biden’s entire cabinet and administration – and this goes double for his celebrity endorsers – had SFPI (Simpson Face Punchability Index™) numbers that would tempt the most Quaker-adjacent pacifists among us to wade in and start handing out naps like Mike Tyson at the height of his powers.

Also, like Jacob Marley at the beginning of A Christmas Carol, Joe Biden was dead to begin with.

And yet, even with that gigantic Bingo card full of winning answers staring them right in the face, most of the leftists who are trying to figure out why Que Mala lost – with the partial exceptions of Van Jones and Bill Maher, and maybe a handful of others – are failing completely. 

Because they cannot resist the most powerful force in human psychology: the comforting balm of self-flattering answers that demonize your opponents, while holding yourself blameless.

Rather than acknowledging what a black hole of spineless vapidity Kamala was, they blamed the sexism and racism of American voters for rejecting her.  (How do they explain why Trump was on track to beat Biden even more lopsidedly, despite Brandon’s corpse-y pallor and maleness?  They don’t.)

Rather than admitting that the open-border disaster was ongoing and obvious, they insisted that the border was secure, and anyone objecting was racist.

Rather than admitting that the “Inflation Reduction Act” produced skyrocketing inflation, they said that Trump had left Biden an economic mess (with his 1.5% inflation).

They cheered, “You go, girl!” when ranny-tay “f*male” Olympians were winning pole vault competitions without using a pole.

Their mental blinders are so restrictive that they can’t see who Trump really is, or who conservatives are, or who they themselves are.

I’ll cite one specific example: a NYT op-ed this week from eccentric bloviating oddball James Carville.  (I remember Rush calling him “Snake Head” 30 years ago, and at age 80, Carville has only gotten Snake-Headier.  The man is difficult to look at.  Although I’ve got to admit that that thick gumbo accent of his is kind of fun.)     

Carville says that in his pre-election certainty that Trump would lose, he forgot his own message from the Clinton days, that “it’s the economy, stupid.”  That over-simplification already overlooks so much else that was obviously at play this year (the border, weakness abroad, lefty disdain for traditional America, wokeness, etc.), but he doesn’t even see his pet issue clearly. 

He brags that inflation is “subsiding,” gliding right past the fact that things cost almost 25% more now than they did four years ago, and that even though inflation has dropped from 9 to 3%, that’s still twice as high as when Trump left office. 

Instead, he focuses on a common self-flattering explanation: “perception [of the economy] is everything,” and the Dems “have flat-out lost the economic narrative.”  No, Sneaky Snake, you guys didn’t lose the economic “narrative” – you damaged the economy!

It’s an argument that crops up over and over again: “our policies are great, but people just don’t understand how great they are.”  Which means that either the people are too stupid to recognize your superior ideas (simultaneously flattering to you, and insulting to the people), or the evil conservatives have fooled them (through misinformation, disinformation, or possibly hypnosis). 

Either way, the voters and the GOP are deeply flawed, but the Dems are just fine the way they are. 

Carville is equally wrong about the Dems’ negative focus on Trump – which Carville himself was hissing and frothing about until around 9:00 on election night.  But now he says that the voters didn’t care about Trump’s “indictments…[or his] anti-democratic impulses.” 

Again, the only interpretation of that issue that will make Serpent-Boy and his political co-religionists feel good about themselves is to assume that the indictments, convictions and Trump’s “fascism” have all been substantiated, and the voters are morally deficient enough to be unbothered by them.  

After eight decades on the planet, Carville apparently still cannot conceive of something that most average people instinctively know: the lawfare, indictments and convictions against Trump were transparently illegitimate, and the Dems are the ones who have been “anti-democratic.”

Trump is no more a fascist than AOC is a Mensa member, or Jussie Smollett is a victim, or James Carville is a warm-blooded mammal. 

Here’s the rub, though, as Shakespeare said. (Or was it Arnold?) It’s easy for me to mock the lefties for having this preening, self-justifying arrogance, especially after the blessed electoral butt-kicking that they just received.

But the truth is that this tendency is a part of the human condition, and we fall into it too.  If we don’t always do it all of the time, we all do it some of the time, and we are all susceptible to it most of the time. 

If I don’t get the promotion, the boss is an idiot.  If I try day-trading stocks and lose my shirt, the market is corrupt.  If a few students give me bad teaching evaluations, it must be because they are dullards who don’t appreciate hilarious genius professors.  If a woman turns me down for a date (this never happened, but I’m saying hypothetically), she must be a lesbian.

Sometimes those assumptions are true.  After all, there are bad bosses, crooked businesses, dimwitted students and lesbians in the world. 

But it’s also possible that we’re wrong.  And when we are, we need to recognize it, and avoid the self-flattering – and self-defeating – posture the lefties have adopted since 11/5.  The red flag to look for?  If every single thing that happens – in our personal life, career, or politics – 100% confirms our priors, we’ve taken a wrong turn. 

As the Dems stagger into 2025, they are providing us with an invaluable example.  They’re learning all the wrong lessons, and studiously avoiding looking at what they’ve done wrong, and how it has led them to their sorry current state. 

Let’s resolve that in this new year, we will learn from the mistakes they’re repeating.  Because doing that is a lot less painful than learning from our own mistakes.

And, sure, a lot more entertaining, too. 

Hamas delenda est!

A Great Graduation, & Positive Signs as the End of the Year Approaches (posted 12/19/24)

I had a great early Christmas with the family, watching my daughter’s graduation and catching up with everybody last weekend.  The best part may have been the most unSimpson-like experience of having VIP seating!

Every year the university gives one Freshman a specific scholarship that pays all expenses (tuition, dorm, food) for all 4 years, plus a six-week study-abroad course in Oxford.  Regular readers may remember that my little sarcastic astro-physicist daughter won that scholarship four years ago. 

She had an amazing time in Oxford, right up until she got a concussion from getting hit in the head by a metal pole while punting past C.S. Lewis’ Magdalen College rooms on the Thames.  (If she had been eating a crumpet while humming “God Save the Queen” during the experience, that would have been the most British thing any American has ever done.)

When my wife picked up our tickets for the graduation, we found out that the scholarship winner’s family gets VIP seating, in the second row center, right behind the spouses of the school’s big shots in the front row, and in front of the faculty. 

My wife got teary eyed when they lead us to the seats, which was sweet to see.  But I just felt like Jed Clampett driving his jalopy up the circular driveway in Beverly Hills.  (How did we get here, and when will someone realize their mistake and ask us to leave?)    

The ceremony was very nice, and we had some good family time for several days afterwards.  We got home yesterday, and I’m going to be heading back down to the Gulf coast to visit a cousin of mine for a few more days, before returning this weekend to get ready for Christmas.  I’ll have one more pre-Christmas column on Monday.

Meanwhile, I thought I’d touch on the continuing stream of green flags I’m seeing in the wake of Trump’s re-election.  (As opposed to red flags – warning signs that something is going wrong – I’m trying to make “green flags” – indicating the opposite – a thing.)

I’m enjoying watching the members of the legacy media still staggering around, their beaks knocked around to the side of their dazed faces like Daffy Duck after he held a bomb that went off.  They’d done everything they could to knock Trump off the political stage, and after his amazing win, they still haven’t figured out if they’re afoot or horseback.

The dullest of them – the competition is stiff – can’t seem to understand that they might be held accountable for their most egregious breaches of journalistic ethics.  Hostile Sunny Hosten has inadvertently started a popular regular feature on The View: the daily reading of the legal notes.

This happens whenever she sprints through the infield of stupidity, into the outfield of cluelessness, across the warning track of dipsh*ttery, and leaps the fence of legal liability, landing on her empty head.  In the booth, network lawyers shriek like the clipboard guy when Ron Burgundy confidently read the teleprompter telling the residents of San Diego to go friend themselves.  (“Oh! Great Odin’s raven!”)

When they come back from commercial, Sunny has to read corrections of her slanderous blatherings, forced on her by ABC so they don’t get sued into oblivion.  (“Matt Gaetz didn’t sexually assault an entire tour group on the House floor.”  “RFK Jr. hasn’t promised to give polio to every toddler in America.”  “Pete Hegseth didn’t shoot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.”)

It’s great fun to watch her force the words out; she tries to read them robotically, but she can’t help grimacing.  The miserable look on her face communicates the corresponding and unending immiseration way deep, deep down in the tiny, compressed cinder of malice where her soul used to be. 

Not to be outdone by Sunny, ex-Clinton hack and pretend journalist George Snuffleupagus climbed up onto a stack of dictionaries so he could look Nancy Mace in the eye during an interview last spring, and then repeatedly tried to shame her for supporting Trump, whom he repeatedly and creepily said had been found liable by a jury for rape.  (This despite the fact that the jury had replied “No” to the first question on the jury form in that sham trial, which was, “Do you find Trump liable for rape.”)

This week his network gave Trump $16 million and a formal apology to settle his defamation suit against them.  George reportedly threw himself on the floor and kicked his tiny feet when he heard that news. 

Luckily for him, ABC must have some real dullards in charge, because they just signed Snuffy to a new, multi-year contract.  Which is good news for the future Trump presidential library, to which the $16 mil of ABC’s settlement has been earmarked.  That thing is going to have more funding than CO’s HQ compound by the time Trump finishes his second term!

It’s stunning that even as the MSM is suffering one mortifying and hilarious defeat after another, many of them seem incapable of learning their lesson.  A great example of that is the clump of biased lefties running Politifact, which fancies itself a “fact-checking” outfit.

Every December they choose a “Lie of the Year.”  I appreciate the magnitude of their challenge this year, since it’s been filled with a cloud of gigantic lies from January 1st to 30 seconds ago.  One would think that contenders for the title would be chosen based on the prominence of the person telling the lie, the overall importance of the lie, and maybe the frequency with which it was told.

By those standards, even in a year as saturated with dishonesty as this one, two big lies would have to top the list.  In second place, I’d put Joe Biden’s repeated promises that he would never, never EVER pardon Hunter, which easily meets all 3 criteria.  It was said by the leader of the free world, it was repeated a dozen or more times in high visibility settings, and since it was used as the basis of hundreds of Dem attacks on Trump (“The moral gulf between Biden righteously accepting the rule of law and not pardoning his son and Trump’s lawlessness is huge!”), it had a huge impact on the election.

But for me, the winner would have to be the omnipresent lie – from every MSM outlet, Democrat official and Dem political analyst/talking head/propagandist – that Joe Biden was in fabulous shape, and totally mentally fit.  Every prominent leftist told it, thousands of times, and it was so patently false that it beggars description. 

And when it was dramatically revealed in the disastrous debate, it imploded an incumbent president’s campaign and forced him out of the race, thereby becoming a contender for the biggest, most consequential lie of this century so far.

So which of those did Politifact choose?  Neither. 

They chose Trump’s claim that the Haitians in Springfield, OH were “eating the pets!”

Okay, Trump was a presidential nominee, and he repeated it a handful of times, mostly when MSM reporters asked him about it, so it could potentially be a contender.  But it may have been a murky combination of exaggeration and lie, because some ducks in city parks were eaten by Haitians, and there were multiple – unconfirmed – accounts of the illegals eating more than just ducks. 

Compare that to the “I won’t pardon Hunter” and “Joe Biden is compose mentis” lies.  Even the most fanatical Democrat can’t dispute that Joe pardoned Hunter, or that Joe is physically and mentally compromised.

But let’s assume that it’s false, and while the Haitians ate the ducks, they didn’t eat the dogs.  In typical Trumpy fashion, the prez used a clumsily (even stupidly) phrased attempt to get at a larger truth: unvetted millions of Third World illegals flooding into small communities create a variety of problems.

I don’t even think you can say that that lie had any important impact.  To the extent that it highlighted the negative impact arising from illegal immigration, at most it added to a perception already held by the vast majority of Americans.  For Politico to choose that lie as more significant than Biden’s top 5 or 10 lies is ridiculous.   

The MSM really has backed themselves into a corner.  If they stick to their propagandistic, leftist ways, their audience will continue to be tiny, and made up of emotionally dysregulated weirdos working on manifestos drawn directly from the DSM-5. 

But if they try to veer back to the political middle, even those weirdos will abandon them.  When Mika and Joe went crawling to Mar-A-Lago to beg the Mango Mussolini to talk to them, almost half of their audience abandoned them.  And that’s 11 people they cannot afford to lose!

CNN has hired intelligent conservative Scott Jennings to try to bring a little viewpoint diversity to their network, which is a risky move.  Just by being not-insane, he has been routinely reducing their far-left panelists to howling rage, and making them look even more ridiculous than they already did. 

That makes for intermittently good television, but how can it possibly work, given the bone-deep bias in the DNA of all of those shows?  Either the new “conservative” hires will quickly acclimate and move to the far left, making their hiring pointless (e.g. Jennifer Rubin and other formerly “conservative” hires at the WAPO or NYT, or the only attractive one on the View), or else they will remain conservative… and mow through the leftist pap on those shows like Sherman through Georgia!

More green flags for January arise from the super satisfying reversals of fate for so many of Trump’s cabinet and governmental nominees.  Medical experts like Jay Bhattacharya and Marty Makary who had been slandered by the Fauci pro-maskers and “vaxes 100% stop the spread” types will now head up medical oversight agencies. 

Border hawks like Tom Homan who were sidelined and frustrated by open-border jerks will now oversee the border. Tulsi and RFK Jr. were dissed and banished from the Democrat party and will now be in positions of authority. 

Of course, the biggest reversal is Trump’s himself, since he went from targeted (literally) “felon” and pariah back to the top of the government.  I can’t help but think of Uncle Jesus’ musings on “the last shall be first and the first shall be last.” 

Am I saying He was thinking of this election cycle? 

In the words of an obscure and failed politician whose name I can’t recall, I’m saying that we should have that conversation.

Hamas delenda est!