Let’s visit Schadenfreude Corner today.
First up we’ve got Andrew Dudum, the CEO of something called “Hims and Hers Health Inc.” Last week, after watching pro-Hamas idiots defiling our campuses, Andrew thought he’d do a little virtue signaling online.
So he released a public message saying, “If you’re currently protesting against the genocide (sic) of the Palestinian (sic) people & for your university’s divestment from Israel, keep going. It’s working. There are plenty of companies and CEOs eager to hire you, regardless of university discipline.” He included a link to apply for a job with his company.
Annnnddddd… his stock dropped 8% and he reportedly lost $210 million.
Unexpectedly!
The next day another entrepreneur reported that when he logged on to Hims and Hers to cancel his order, the customer service queue was deluged with people doing the same.
So the brave CEO did what smart leaders always do: posted a long, meandering non-apology apology. I’ll just quote the first three sentences, because they establish the tone:
“The last few days have been a disheartening reflection of just how divisive a time we live in.”
Ah yes, those damned divisive times! Breaking into your social media account and posting stupid comments encouraging anti-Semitic boneheads to keep protesting a genocide that doesn’t exist, on behalf of those who are quite philo-genocidal. What havoc will those divisive times cause next?
“I’d like to clarify a few things because my words have been misconstrued by some.” Translation: I’d like to obfuscate the clear meaning of my earlier words, which have been accurately construed by people who know how to read.
“I in no way condone nor support acts or threats of violence, antisemitism, or intimidation …[blah blah blah].”
Got that? He doesn’t condone or support all the bad stuff the Hamasniks have been doing on campus.
But he’ll gladly hire you if YOU do.
This is a great reminder that we should all be pulling our support from companies who hate us and are working against our interests. Bud Light was the best example, but we should also take advantage of the information these colleges are giving us.
Now all of us know that we should never send our kids to any of the schools who have allowed these protests to drag on, negotiated with the protesters, and then gave them no consequences once they did arrest them.
If you’re hiring people, do extra vetting of anyone who graduated from any of these schools. If you are donating to any of these schools, stop it. If you are an alumni, contact them and let them know that you’ll never give them another dime, and that you’ll be bad mouthing them to anyone even considering donating or sending their kids there.
Along those lines, I was glad to see a story in the Free Beacon about a letter that 13 federal judges have sent to Columbia, announcing that none of them will be hiring any more Columbia law grads as law clerks, unless and until the school takes concrete steps to increase penalties on anti-Semitic faculty and students who illegally discriminate, and to support viewpoint diversity in the faculty and administration.
Yes! More please.
I had never heard of Andrew Dudum’s company, so I didn’t think I had ever bought any of his stuff. But I looked it up, and found that he ships all kinds of medications that you can order online. Their info specifically mentions ED meds.
Which makes sense. And I now have greater respect for Dudum as a businessman.
Because if he’s trying to market to the low-T crowd whose idea of a mating ritual involves draping a terrorist tablecloth over your shoulders and screaming horrific Jew-hating poetry while surrounded by a herd of blocky gender-studies majors who believe in neither deodorant nor personal grooming, he has nailed his target demographic!
Plus it’s a win-win for him, because even if his customers’ downstairs plumbing worked well under normal conditions, a quad full of their female comrades would go a long way toward creating an erection-free zone, even for the healthiest among us.
If I had to put myself in their Birkenstocks (and please don’t make me do that), I’d guess that I’d need a set of beer telescopes (beer goggles would not be strong enough) and a supply of little blue pills to buzz-saw my way through like Michael Moore with a comically over-sized bowl of M&Ms if I were to have any chance of surviving an encounter with any of those scowling harpies.
But we should also be doing the inverse of boycotting, i.e. buying stuff from companies who side with us. Since all of the Hamasholes are pushing to have their schools divest from Israel, we should look for products made in Israel.
Since I’m not Jewish, that’s a little tough for me. I don’t wear a yarmulke, and never had a dreidel, but this is almost enough to get me to buy the latter. (And those cynics among you can just save your warnings about how Big Dreidel has been colluding with Big Torah to control the market in all kinds of Judaica. I’m not buying it!)
But I’m a fan of the second amendment, so perhaps I will check out a future Uzi or a Desert Eagle purchase. Because Christmas (and Hanukkah) is coming. And come to think of it, I would LOVE to have a mini Iron Dome over my house.
Man, I’ve already got a flamethrower, so if I pick up an Uzi and an Iron Dome, I will be ready for the future invasion of Florida by the zombified Biden voters who I assume will be heading here when their disastrous politics cause the final collapse of Chicago, NYC, Baltimore, Philly et al.
My favorite campus protestor story of the last several days comes to us from Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland. A bunch of mouth-breathers there had painted pro-terror graffiti on a wall, and the school hired some painters to come in and paint over it.
Apparently the protestors heard about this, and a small group of them stood in front of the wall to prevent their hateful messages from being painted over. It was a classic, “blue-collar vs worthless-d-bag” standoff.
Of course the best response would have been the timeless classic: deploy the flamethrower robot dogs!
But because no university administrators have the guts to implement some strategic thermal discipline, we had to settle for the second-best outcome: the blue-collar guys spray-painted right over the protestors!
Unfortunately, some accomplices gave the others plastic face shields just in time, so nobody ended up with a dramatic, culturally-appropriating white-face. But they all received a nice coat of paint from head to toe. I can only hope that the painters were using an epoxy, or at least an oil-based paint.
I’ll close with yet another story of the great things happening at the University of Florida, where researchers have helped develop an innovative strategy for fighting mosquitos, which was recently pilot-tested in Los Angeles. The strategy involves irradiating lab-raised mosquitos, and releasing tens of thousands of them into a targeted area.
According to the story, “These mosquitoes are all male and have been sterilized by the radiation, so the hope is that they will find wild female mates and impregnate them with dead-end sperm, rendering the resulting eggs worthless.”
And today’s column comes full circle, by applying the lessons we’ve learned from the pro-Hamas campus protests to the world of insects. Because we are looking at the same basic story as that of the protestors and young leftists generally: lots of aggressive (and aggressively unpleasant) females, and lots of sterile males.
Even before I read this story, when I watched video of the non-peaceful protestors disrupting schools and ruining graduations, I swear that the phrases “dead-end sperm” and “worthless eggs” spontaneously ran through my mind.
Though to be fair to the sterile, irradiated male mosquitoes, they are probably not stupid enough to think that they can become female mosquitoes. Or that Liz Warren is anything but a very, very white lady. (#wemustneverstopmockingher) (also, #sterilemalemosquitoforMAsenator.)
So at least the sterile male mosquitoes have that going for them.
Hamas delenda est!
Martin Simpson 