Some Thoughts on Exploding Drug Boats, and Political Violence in America (posted 10/17/25)

Today I’ve got a little light-hearted mockery, followed by more serious thoughts about political violence in America.

I’ll start with the kind of violence I can really get behind: that targeted at cartel drug-runners.  I love the language of a RedState story on the fate of a Venezuelan drug smugglers’ boat on Tuesday.  The headline said, “Trump Reports Another Intercepted Drug Boat.” 

Yes! If by “intercepted” you mean “blown into small chunks of speed boat, cocaine, and filet of drug trafficker.” The War Department (love that name!) called it a “lethal kinetic strike.”  The word “lethal” is doing a lot of work there, because “kinetic” is something I heard a lot in physical therapy after I’d partially torn my meniscus. 

And that therapy involved neither cocaine nor rapid-onset biological disassembly of my body.

Pete Hegseth’s announcement of the latest kinetic ka-boom channeled Clint Eastwood quite nicely: “The message is clear: if you traffic drugs toward our shores, we will stop you cold.”

Which raised two questions for me:

1. Is Pete trolling the drug cartels with this?  Because from what I saw of those gang members’ transnautical experience – in which something that had been assigned “boat” at its launch instantly changed its orientation, and identified as “ball of fire” – seemed anything but cold.  In fact, I’m guessing the last words of those thugs were something like, “AIIEEEE!  Estoy en fuego!”

2. In the history of Petes, have there ever been two Petes more opposite than Fightin’ Pete Hegseth and Maternity-leave-Takin’ Pete Buttigieg?  (Not since pacifist rabbi Adolf Hersch and another Adolf H….)

Okay, now to more serious business.

In the five weeks since Charlie Kirk was killed, we’ve all spent more time than we ever wanted to spend thinking about political violence.  I’m sure my thoughts on the topic are no deeper than the next guy’s, but I feel like enough time has passed that I might be able to share some ideas without just dropping F bombs like a maniac.  So here goes.

I don’t think the main problem with political violence is the lone-wolf d-bags.  Those exist on both sides of politics, and in all religious, ethnic and social groups.  As infuriating and damaging as they can be, they are found in every human society, and they are not the core issue.

The real problem is violence that is sanctioned by the mainstream of any social or political group, because such sanction reveals a widespread social sickness that threatens the entire nation.  And that kind of violence – socially-sanctioned, approved by the mainstream – exists almost entirely on the left in the United States in recent years.

I would point to 3 leftist groups who have sanctioned violence:

1. Culturally elite non-politicians: These include actors such as Robert DeNiro — who has repeatedly fantasized about physically assaulting Trump, as well as screaming (literally: screaming) about what a dictator, Nazi, punk, coward, etc. he is – and Johnny Depp, who delivered the dead-pan, not-joking rhetorical question, “When was the last time a president was killed by an actor?”

(Ironically, the answer is, “That time when racist Democrat John Wilkes Booth murdered Republican President Lincoln.”  So, great company you’re putting yourself in, dumb-arse!)

And singers like Madonna, who openly confessed that she was thinking about bombing the White House, along with many third-rate no-talent rappers and pop wailers. 

And some of the biggest influencers and talking heads, including podcasters and streamers, as well as MSNBC and traditional media hosts.  Probably the closest thing the left has to Charlie Kirk – at least in terms of views and followers – are Hasan Piker and Stephen “Destiny” Bonnell, and both of them have openly and explicitly called for the death of conservatives.  (See my 9/29 column at Martinsimpsonwriting.com for examples.) 

2. Culturally elite politicians:  It’s hard to think of any Democrats in the House, Senate or previous White House as “elite.”  But their positions – congressman, senator, president, even SCOTUS justice – are elite, and their rhetoric has explicitly opened the door for violence, if not explicitly called for it.

(This example is the closest of the three to being bi-partisan, because our side engages in some of this too.  I’ve got to call balls and strikes, and Trump’s many references to the “enemy within” or its equivalents are not helpful.  Still, though I’m biased, I do think the Dems have been so much worse, and have acted as enemies, at least to the government (when run by GOP) and law enforcement.) 

And though the Dems point to generic calls to “fight” or “target” vulnerable Dem House seats, those figures of speech are ubiquitous on both sides of the aisle.  But has any GOP pol ever gone to the steps of SCOTUS the way Schumer did, bellowing an explicit warning to sitting justices that, “You’ll reap the whirlwind!” and “You won’t know what hit you” if you interpret the law in a way that disagrees with them?

Has any GOP congressman ever matched the level of incitement reached by Maxine Waters – with that raccoon perched on her head above that terrifying mudslide of a face — yelling that any Dems who see GOP pols in public places should, “Get in their faces, and push back on them, and tell them they’re not welcome there!” ?

3. Huge, organized groups in person, and thousands of “respectable” everyday citizens online:  We’ve all grown accustomed to mob violence carried out by Antifa, BLM, and anti-ICE/ pro-illegal groups.  But what was so shocking after Charlie Kirk’s murder was the huge number of people who appeared to be sane, functioning citizens, but who then revealed themselves to be sickening, hate-ridden monsters.

When you think of people videoing themselves being vulgar, giddy and gleeful over a bloody assassination, you think of seriously disturbed drifters and dregs of society, videoing themselves in their parents’ basements, or their squalid homeless camps, or a dilapidated single-wide.  And there were some of those.

But there were many more apparent normies.  They came from all walks of life, with the professions of teachers (K-12), college professors, and those in medicine (doctors and nurses), being well represented, as well as therapists and businesspeople, and even a few in intelligence and the military! 

And all of the anecdotal videos are backed up by multiple, widely-reported polls that reinforce what we’ve all come to know in a way many people didn’t want to believe: leftists are MUCH more likely to support political violence. 

So it’s no coincidence that this stuff happens routinely on the left, and is vanishingly rare on the right!

Did ANY mainstream GOP pols, cultural elites or media talking heads express approval of Tim McVeigh’s bombing?  Even though the attacks on Democrats in recent years – Gabby Gifford, the MN politicians, Paul Pelosi, the arson attack on Josh Shapiro’s house – were NOT carried out by right-wingers espousing right-wing ideology, have ANY mainstream GOP or conservative figures celebrated or excused any of those attacks?

All of which brings me back to where I started: even with the lone-wolf killers, the leftists among them are not scary because they are crazy.  They’re scary because they sound like “normal” mainstream lefties.

Charlie’s killer did not say that his dog or the fillings in his teeth told him to kill.  The murderers of Christian children in Nashville and Minnesota did not say voices in their heads gave them their orders.  The guy who shot Steve Scalise at the GOP baseball practice didn’t say that he was Napoleon, taking vengeance on the Bilderbergers.  

Nope.  Scalise’s shooter was a Bernie bro and campaign volunteer whose social media was full of typical anti-conservative hatred. Both “transgender” child-killers  left manifestos lambasting “transphobic” conservatives.  Charlie’s killer called him a “fascist,” just like 95% of the mainstream Dem pols and media talking heads have been doing for years. 

As disturbing as the normalized violent impulses from the left are to me, I am heartened by how rare and non-influential such violence on the right really is. 

Remember, the last time a “right wing” group came together and killed a person, it was a decade ago, and the group was the white nationalists in Charlottesville.  In that case, the most high-profile white supremacists in the country got together – and “high profile” is an oxymoron in that sentence! (The only one I could name is Richard Spencer, and I’d bet you couldn’t find 1 in 100 Americans or conservatives who have even  heard of him.) 

Those racist “leaders” put out nationwide calls for 4 months to publicize the Charlottesville rally, using all of their social networks and means of reaching their faithful band of followers.  And after all of that, they produced a group of how many tens of thousands of idiots? 

Not tens of thousands at all.  Not even thousands.  The best estimates I can find – and those were from “mainstream” (i.e. center-left or farther left) sites – were that “around 100 people” showed up.  THAT’S the high point of supposedly right-wing hate groups who have been spotted in America for the last 40 years or so, since the last vestiges of the Klan – a group with a Democrat lineage, inconveniently enough – were dismantled by federal law enforcement, using RICO, in the 1990s). 

And THAT’S what Biden and the Dems have been calling “the greatest existential threat to America” today. 

It was a ridiculous lie, and in their heart of hearts, even the Dems don’t believe it.  But DEI is collapsing, the transgender fever has broken, the hostages have been freed in Israel, and the leftist agenda is disintegrating like a Venezuelan drug boat in our Navy’s gunsights, so it’s just about all they have left.

Bless their hearts.   

Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!

A Few Thoughts on What Motivates the Dems (posted 9/3/25)

As you read this, I’m once again on my way up to Tennessee and then to Illinois.  This time, I’ll be seeing mom and sis in TN on the way up and back as always, but I’ll also be attending my first high school reunion ever, up in Illinois. 

This is our 45th year reunion, and I figured I better get up there and see as many people as I can while there are still this many of us left!  I’ll also hang with the cousins for a day or two afterward.

So I won’t have a column on Friday, and probably not on Monday either.

Today I’m bringing you an idea that I’ve just consciously realized, though I think I’ve had it in the back of my head for a while now.  But so far, I think I had mistaken the Democrats’ second most prominent reason for opposing Trump.

Two columns ago, I wondered in writing why more Dems don’t just admit when one Trump decision or policy actually works, if for no other reason than to look reasonable, and to keep their powder dry for a time when one of Trump’s more controversial policies is vulnerable to some strategic criticism. 

I think we can all agree that the first and main reason that explains their resistance to his every move – from mob protests, to stalling tactics in Congress, to illegal local court rulings – is their Stage-4 Metastatic Trump Derangement Syndrome.  As much as they hate conservatism and the GOP, they hate Trump with the burning fury of a thousand suns.

He’s their Great Orange Whale, and they will pursue him with an obsessive fury that cannot be assuaged.  Ahab’s famous last words, as he realizes that his hunt has become suicidal – “From hell’s heart, I stab at thee; for hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at thee.” – are directed at Moby Dick. 

But do those words not sound as if they could come from the mouths of any of dozens of d*cks in the Democrat party?  (And I’m not just talking about Dick “nobody ever calls him Richard” Durbin and Richard “everyone secretly calls him Dick” Blumenthal.) 

I’ve previously thought that the Democrats’ second reason for opposing Trump at every turn was the one they have shouted from the rooftops: they believe that all of his policies are so wrong-headed and certain to end in failure, and they are doing everything they can to prevent the damaging outcome of those policies. 

I still think that some Dems believe that.  But I used to think that nearly ALL Dems believed it, either because they don’t know any better, or because they’ve been seduced or brainwashed by the pleasures and self-satisfaction of believing yourself to be one of the good guys, on the right side of history, fighting against dark forces. 

But I now think that the elites and the smartest people in the Democrat party and legacy media are opposing Trump for the opposite reason. 

They are not trying to stop him because of how disastrous his policies will be; they are trying to stop him because of how successful his policies will be, if he is allowed to carry them out. 

I guess that should have been obvious, because as conservatives, the common sense behind conservative policies seems obvious. 

If you lower tax rates and allow people to keep more of what they earn, they’ll work harder and earn more, and pay more taxes.  (Duh!) If you harshly punish crime you’ll get less of it, and if you don’t you’ll get more of it.  (Duh!)  Men can’t become women, and women can’t become men, and people who come here illegally are illegals.  (Duh X 3!)

The Dems have worked very hard at pushing their party line that all of our ideas are untrue, to the point that many of their foot soldiers believe it, despite all evidence to the contrary.  But their party leaders have to know better at this point.  Because they’ve been proved wrong too many times, and it’s become a pattern that the professional politicians amongst them cannot be unaware of. 

Dems screamed all through 2024 that the border crisis – after denying that it existed for the previous three years, when all PWFE (People With Functioning Eyes) knew that it existed – could not be fixed, and the border not secured, without “comprehensive immigration reform,” a massive, complicated set of laws and regulations that would take many months to create and debate and pass, and many more months to implement.

Annnndddd…Trump closed the border in 27 minutes, and it worked like a charm.  

The same thing has happened with crime.  The left said that if we could defund the police and allow “the people” to police themselves, the result would be Edenic.  So they gave over Seattle and Portland to CHAZ and CHOP and The People’s Republic of Meth, and got chaos, violence and filth. 

Some radical lefties protested Trump’s moving the National Guard into DC, claiming that it would exacerbate tensions and lead to increased violence there.

Annnnddddd…NOPE!

Also, Dems – and a few oddball conservatives (or ex-conservatives?) like Tucker Carlson –warned that if Trump tried to take out the Iranian nuke facilities he’d be launching WWIII, that Russia/China/India and the rest of the BRICS nations (whoever they are) would align against us and plunge the region into violent chaos, killing millions, including the US troops that would have to be on the ground to try to stop the slaughter.

Annnndddd… Trump took out the nuke facilities with one strike, following on 11 days of previous Israeli strikes that took out Iranian air defenses, surface nuke facilities, and every Iranian military leader above the rank of Cannon Fodder, First Class.

Thus tempting me to seek a patent on a line of t-shirts (playing off the Israeli victory in the Six-Day War) featuring Trump’s famous mugshot over the words, “12 Days, B*tch!”

The four long years of Biden and the last 7 months of Trump II have shown that the Dems’ most powerful foe isn’t Trump, or the GOP.  It’s reality.  Because their plans keep running into Reality, and so far, Reality is undefeated.

The “Inflation Reduction Act” spiked the rate of inflation.  The campaign against Trump’s re-election based on “defending democracy” was crushed by democracy, in the form of the popular vote.  After accepting tent cities and filth in LA for years, Ken-Doll Newsom showed that it could all be easily cleaned up, when he cleaned it up in a few days before the ChiCom big wigs came for a visit.  

Annnddd…then it returned to an intractable problem again, once the commies left.

Trump showed that he can clean up DC, and that he could close the border, and that he could take out the Iranian nuke threat with one stroke.  By using DOGE-like efforts and cutting many billions of DEI and other wasteful spending, he is proving that nobody outside of USAID and the many hundreds of leftist NGOs they’ve been feeding will miss them.  Closing down the Department of Education will save us billions and cost our children’s actual education nothing.

Not all of Trump’s actions will be successful, of course.  And not every Democrat plan is doomed to fail. 

But as conservatives, Reality provides a nice tailwind for us, helping us along.  For the Dems, it’s a ferocious headwind to struggle against, forcing all of them to bend forward until they’re almost crawling, and threatening to toss them tumbling backwards, arse over teakettle. 

All of them except for JB Pritzker. 

Because if I can take a page from the Democrats’ hysterical handbook of smears, that Hippopomatic Hitler is huge!

Hamas delenda est!

When it Comes to Crime, Many Democrat Chickens are Coming Home to Roost (posted 8/22/25)

I’ve been writing about crime a lot lately. 

And I’m not done, because as I’ve said in earlier columns, crime – what causes it, how to punish it, how we should balance the rights of criminals vs. law-abiding citizens – is one of several key issues (along with taxation and how the courts should view the Constitution, maybe?) that most clearly distinguishes conservatives from liberals.

While I think there are weighty, even philosophical issues at stake re: crime – to what extent does free will play a role when people are brought up in a debased criminal environment; in what circumstances can rehabilitation work for some criminals – the vast majority of crime raises much more basic questions.

Questions like, “How stupid is the average criminal?”  (Spoiler alert: Very, very stupid. Thankfully.)  or “Why are nationally elected politicians, and especially Democrats, so comically inept at it?” 

Taking the first question first, I can usually get some much-needed comic relief from the hilariously pathetic bungling of most criminals. 

If you’re a regular reader, you’ll remember stories about dip-Schiffs who crawl under a car on a sloping driveway and use a rusty, wobbly bottle-jack to lift it so they can steal its catalytic converter…only for it to fall on them and crush their dumb arses.

Unexpectedly!

Or the stories about rappers who confess to their crimes in their terrible “music” videos, or post social media pictures of them flashing a stolen pistol with a clearly visible serial number on it.

Or the story about the rapper 4XTRA, who recorded a video flaunting his possession of illegal M1000 fireworks, and shortly after a brilliant monologue about his plans for them – “You think I won’t blow schiff up wit’ dese, my narwhal?  Don’t friend with me, Imma blow a motherfriendin’ narwhal UP!” – that crazy narwhal blew two of his mother-friending fingers off. 

(I’d say, “Cue the sad trombone,” but no rappers play the trombone.  And I don’t think you can make a sad record-scratching sound on a turntable.)

In the movies, criminals are slick professionals.  They create elaborate distractions to draw away the police, and devise multiple pre-planned escape routes.  They wear disguises, and stash different clothing near the crime scene to change into.  They have multiple sets of identification papers in various aliases, and they stay off law enforcement’s radar.

In real life, criminals get prison tattoos that advertise their gang affiliations and their past crimes, so that cops can recognize them from a block away.  (“I’m a Gangster Disciple and I’ve killed 9 people, all of whose gang names I’ve inked on my body.”)  Even before they go to prison, they get a prominent tattoo on their face or neck, so that if they’re ever in a line-up – spoiler alert: they will be! – they can be easily identified.

And it’s always something memorable, like “Born to Lose,” or “No Regerts!”

Movie criminals drive non-descript panel vans with a magnetic business sign and multiple sets of plates that can be quickly switched out, or else fast cars that they drive up a ramp into the back of a semi-truck, or a hidden garage within a mile of the scene of the crime. 

Real criminals drive 100 pounds of meth and six illegals from the Texas border to New York in a car with two mis-matched doors, one working headlight and two broken taillights.  And a gaudy adhesive memorial stretching across the rear window that says, “RIP Chuy!  MS-13 Forever!”  And they don’t have insurance or registration, but they do have an expired Guatemalan driver’s license. 

And they speed and change lanes without signaling for the entire trip.

And their car is full of pot smoke, as if it were 1981 and they were Kilmar and Chong.  Or possibly Cheech and Kilmar.

Sure, those mouth-breathing low-life criminals provide us some easy laughs.  But what about the high-level masterminds, those who reach the peak of their profession, and should therefore have their criminal act together?

Nope!  I give you three quick examples: New York Attorney General Letitia James, Federal Reserve Governor Lisa Cook, and CA Senator Adam Schiff.

On the surface, Tish James might appear to be fairly smart.  She has three degrees, including a Master’s from Columbia and a JD, and she managed to get herself elected to multiple public offices, culminating in the top enforcer spot in New York state. 

Alas, degrees are often not worth the paper they’re printed on, and the majority of voters in New York state are imbeciles.  And Tish James is as dumb as a bag of hammers. 

Because she publicly went after Donald Trump on flimsy charges that he had committed mortgage fraud.  Other than wrongly listing a NYC penthouse of his as having 30,000 square feet when it was only 11,000 – an easily proven error on his part – her whole case came down to his valuation of Mar-A-Lago.  He said it was worth a ton of money, and Tish said it was worth $28 dollars and an expired bus pass. 

Yes, she managed to get a verdict against him from a transparently corrupt far-left judge, and a judgement for half a billion dollars, which was just thrown out by an appeals court as ridiculously excessive.  The judgment itself will almost certainly be overturned too, because James’ valuation of Mar-A-Lago was laughably low; Deutsche Bank assessed Trump’s properties and net worth to be sufficient collateral for his loan; and he paid that loan back with interest. 

But all of that is beside the point, because James made one of the most crucial blunders of morons: she falsely accused someone of doing what she was actually doing herself. 

She claimed that Trump was able to get lower interest rates on his loans by lying about the property he was borrowing against.  But she has a long history of doing exactly that, involving several mortgage applications and mortgages on which she perjured herself to receive preferable interest rates.  Most brazenly, in August 2023 – when she was going after Trump – she lied on a mortgage application in Virginia, claiming that house as her principal residence when it was not, and when NY law required her to live in NY to be AG.

Lisa Cook made the same corrupt move.  In the summer of 2021 she bought a home in Michigan by swearing on mortgage documents that it was her principal residence.   Two weeks later, she bought a condo in Atlanta, claiming that IT was her principal residence.  Unless it turns out that she has a third “principal residence” somewhere else, it looks like the Michigan place is her actual residence, since she is renting out her Atlanta condo. 

Again, the brazen stupidity of her fraud is hard to understand.  She’s a governor of the powerful Federal Reserve, which is charged with setting national interest rates that control mortgage rates, and she committed mortgage fraud?! 

A masked crack head who robs a convenience store and then immediately removes his mask in front of a security camera is not acting any dumber than a mortgage regulator cheating on her mortgages!   

Even better was her response when called on it.  Here’s what an honest and innocent person would say:

“These charges are false.  I did not lie on any mortgages, ever.  I’m immediately releasing both of the mortgages and applications in question, and they prove that I didn’t claim both properties as my principal residence, which would be fraud.  I demand an apology.”

Here’s her statement:

“I have no intention of being bullied to step down from my position because of some questions raised in a tweet.  I take any legitimate inquiries about my financial background seriously and am compiling accurate information to address them.”

Really, Lisa?  You’re “compiling accurate information?”  That shouldn’t be hard, since all you’d have to do is hold up the second mortgage and application, and point to the many spots in the documents where you identified the Atlanta condo as NOT your principal residence, but a rental or a second home. 

What’s that?  That’s not what the documents show? 

Keep compiling, sweetheart.

Finally we come to Adam Schiff, one of the sleaziest corrupticrats in Washington, DC. 

Schiff did manage to avoid the temptation to get a tattoo of his nickname (“Pencil Neck”) inked onto…well, his pencil neck.  But sadly, he was unable to resist the siren song of fraudulently obtained lower interest rates, just like Cook and James.

In 2003 Schiff bought a house in Maryland that he declared as his principal residence.  In 2009, he bought a condo in CA, which he identified as his principal residence, and for which he took a homestead exemption on his CA state taxes.  In 2020, after falsely claiming two principal residences for over a decade, he finally declared his Maryland house as his second residence. 

Last month, a Fannie Mae financial crimes investigation concluded that Schiff had engaged in “a sustained pattern of possible occupancy misrepresentation” on five Fannie Mae loans over the years. 

I don’t know what that “possible” is doing in there, because you can’t have two “principal residences,” and he clearly claimed that he did. 

To top it off, the DOJ has now found that he’s been paying a 3% interest rate on both properties, well below any legitimate second home mortgage rate at any time when he financed or refinanced both properties. 

Did I mention that he also failed to disclose his mortgages on required annual financial disclosure forms until 2011?  Or that he’s now accused of wire fraud, mail fraud, bank fraud and making false statements to financial institutions? 

If I did, it’s only because it’s hard to make all of those points when you’re giggling uncontrollably. 

Looking back, Tish James ran for AG on a repeated promise to get Trump, and when she’d gotten her corrupt judgment against him, she gloated about how she was looking forward to foreclosing on Trump Tower and Mar-A-Lago and everything else Trump owns.  And with the possible exception of James, nobody cut more ethical corners in pursuit of Trump than Schiff did.

I guess it’s true what they say – it’s always the ones you most suspect. 

Ironically, the one truthful thing that Pencil Neck and Tish James said over the last several years – and they said it a lot! – might now be coming back to haunt them:

“No one is above the law!” 

In the words of Nelson Muntz…

HA HA!

Hamas delenda est!

Three Tales, About Three Stooges (posted 7/18/25)

I missed a WAPO op-ed last week. 

Actually, I think I’ve missed every WA-PO op-ed since late May of 1972.  Because that’s when I turned 10, and officially became too wise and world-weary to trust anything I read in the WAPO. 

But I saw this opinion piece, one week late, because it made its way into my news feed as a great example of MSM imbecility.  You may have seen it too.  It’s the one titled, “I’m a clown.  Donald Trump is not one of us.”

It appeared over the picture of a guy in a bowler hat and a red nose, and my first thoughts were: “I thought Ted Kennedy was dead,” and, “Where’d he get that bowler hat?”

But no, the piece wasn’t written by the late drunken weather balloon from Massachusetts.  Its author is an actual clown named Tim Cunningham, and the op-ed is one long, unfunny joke to the effect that we shouldn’t call Trump a clown, because being a clown is a noble profession, and should be taken way more seriously than a fascist like Trump. 

I’ll bet that Jeff Bezos is just thrilled with his management team’s efforts to restore the Washington Post’s credibility. 

But I’ve got news for Mr. Cunningham.  Trump is not a fascist, and clowns are mostly not funny. 

How un-funny are clowns?

Three of the most famous clowns in the world were John Wayne Gacy, Jerry Lewis in that Holocaust movie (look it up), and that super-creepy guy who lived in a sewer and had a disturbing affinity for frightening children.

No, not Joe Biden (RIP).  Although if you’ve seen any of those photos of him sniffing the hair of traumatized kids, that’s an image that will stay with you.  Also, he did that one trick where he pulled a bowel movement out of his hat.

The Pope was expecting a rabbit, and was not pleased.

Also, rumors that Biden once tried to make a very simple balloon animal, and the secret service had to intervene because he nearly strangled himself have not been confirmed.  

I’d love to have been a fly on the wall at the WAPO editorial meeting when they came up with the idea of asking a leftist clown – of all people! – what he thinks about politics.  Because who needs a Marxist Abbott and Costello when we already have the comic stylings of Crockett and the Booty in congress? 

(Yes, I know: that would be a great name for a wacky FM “Morning Zoo” DJ team.  And in a sane world, that would be the most prestigious job that Jasmine and AOC could aspire to.)  

Speaking of beclowning oneself, did you catch Grandma Squanto’s attempt to dunk on Trump on Wednesday?  She tried to play the corruption card against Trump.  (By the way, have you ever seen a Democrat pack of cards?  All four queens are scowling gender feminists, so naturally, all four kings are suicide kings.  And the Jacks can all turn into Jills, somehow.  And there are still four suits, but diamonds are “corruption,” hearts are “weird sex stuff,” clubs are “sexism,” and “racism” is….  I’m not saying.)    

You could say that Lizzie’s attempt at a card trick blew up in her own face, as if someone had rigged her peace pipe with an exploding charge, like a Dakota (Sioux) Daffy Duck.  (#wemustneverstopmockingher)

In an X post, she presented a chart listing six entities and how much they donated to the Trump library.  Above the chart she wrote, “Government should work for the people, not whichever giant company or foreign government can dump the most money into the president’s future library.”

Never mind that most of the billionaires who donated in 2020 gave to the Democrats, or that Cackling Que Mala was given $2 billion to blow (phrasing) in a few months. 

Just look at Lizzie’s six categories.

She doesn’t even bother to try in the last one; the “Who” is “other special interests” and the amount listed is “unknown millions.”  Which is brilliant!  “I accuse you of taking…some money, from…somebody.” 

But the other five are hilarious.  See if you can spot the pattern:

Paramount/CBS News gave $16 million.  Meta gave $22 million. Disney/ABC News gave $15 million. X gave $10 million.  And Qatar gave $400 million (Jet)

The Qatari jet was not given to Trump, but to the United States, and if the gift ever does happen, the jet will act as Air Force One, and then go to his library.  He will never have any private use of it at all. 

(I still don’t think that he should accept the jet, but it is not personally enriching corruption like – oh, I don’t know – [begin Kinison filter] HAVING YOUR HOOKER-BANGING ADDICT SON COLLECT BAGS OF CASH FROM THE CHI-COMS!  OHH!  OHHHHH!  [end Kinison filter])

The remaining four examples were not bribes, happily given by fat cats wanting to buy Trump’s favor.  They were ALL lawsuit settlements, grudgingly handed over to their hated nemesis by corrupt MSM power players who had slandered him so blatantly that they stood to lose many millions more if they had gone to court, where Trump would have beaten them like Cuddly Kilmar beat his wife. 

If I thought Elizabeth Warren was capable of feeling shame, I might say, “Boy, is her face red!”  (#wemustneverstop)  But I’ll just leave it at, “Nice forked tongue, Lizzie.  (#mockingher)

Finally, Scott Jennings continues to be the only reason to ever watch CNN, and as of Tuesday, he has run his record to 147-0 in his battles against hapless leftist panelists.  The latest contender was Democrat Strategerist Julie Roginsky, with an attempted assist from host Abby Phillip. 

The on-screen chyron defined the topic this way: “The Debate: US Inflation Rises as Trump’s Tariffs Push Up Prices.”  That subject should offer Ragin’ Roginsky a chance to score at least a few minor points.  I mean sure, when Biden took Trump’s 1.5% inflation rate up to 9% in 14 months, CNN probably called that “a barely noticeable bump,” whereas an increase of .2% from May to June under Trump gets WWIII-level headlines.

So how does Roginsky kick aside a chance for a tiny victory and grab hold of defeat with both bony hands?  When Jennings suggests that the current small increase is no reason for panic, she says, “When we were promised on August 15th last year that the price of eggs, the price of bacon, of apples—”

Obviously at this point she was going to say, “would be down.”  But once he heard “eggs,” Jennings jumped in, as one does when an opponent makes a mistake.  Because of all the things she could cite, she chose the one grocery item that was hyped in the news before the election and inauguration, and that everyone knows has dropped in price. 

So Jennings says, “The price of eggs are down.”

If that segment had been a fencing competition, a little buzzer would have sounded, and a ref would have announced a strike.  Or a stab.  Or whatever they call it when one fencer skewers the other’s thorax.  (Perhaps I shouldn’t have used the fencing analogy, since I obviously don’t know much about it.) 

But apparently Roginsky’s thorax is as numb as her skull, because she offered a meaningless rebuttal.  “Year over year, eggs are up 27%.” 

Jennings shook his head as if he didn’t think she’d really said that, and replied, “Since he took office, they’re down.”

And Roginsky insisted, “Year over year!” 

Think about that.  Roginsky thought that she could score a point by saying that since last July 15th, egg prices have gone up.  But since Joe Biden was still the president for six more months – during which egg prices nearly doubled – she surely couldn’t be dumb enough to claim that Trump was responsible for the increase in egg prices when he had no ability to influence egg prices, could she?

Don’t call her Shirley.  But you can certainly call her dumb.  Because that IS what she was claiming.  And Jennings’ response was the only sane one: since Trump took office and had the chance to influence egg prices, they’ve gone down.  

This is the kind of dispute that could be solved in 5 seconds by looking up egg prices, which reporter Joe Concha did (but CNN didn’t).  And it turns out that the national average price of eggs (according to TradingEconomics) when Trump took office was around $6.60 a dozen.  Because Biden needlessly killed 4 million chickens in his last days in office – and because dead chickens lay surprisingly few eggs, for you city slickers out there – the price climbed to a little over $8 in the first week of March.  Since then, it has plunged to $2.89 this week. 

So Jennings was right.  But Abby Phillip – noticing that Roginsky had suffered a serious thorax poke – put that weird fencing strainer thing on her face and rushed in to help her slow-witted friend.

To wit, “Let’s not fight over statistics here.”  Oh good, maybe Abby knows a chicken’s hind-end from a hole in the ground—  “She’s right, year over year, they’re up significantly.”

Good lord! 

Since a good thorax-piercing apparently cuts off blood flow to the brain, Roginsky stepped on the same rake again, in this quote which I could not make up, no matter how much bourbon I drank:

“Let’s be clear.  He promised three things: the price of eggs, bacon and apples were going to go down.  I can quote him, it was on August 15th of last year…. All of them are up.  They’re up year over year, and that’s a fact.” 

Yes it is.  An utterly irrelevant fact. 

As she pushed on and doubled down on the year-over-year thing, Jennings was finally exasperated enough to say, “You are literally lying—”

And then the tide of imbecility rose up all around the table, with several people saying, “Whoa!” and Abby jumped in again, unknowingly taking another skinny fencing sword in the soup-strainer mask: 

Abby:  Before you accuse her of lying, I literally just went over this.  She is correct that year over year—

Scott (speaking slowly and emphatically): Since Donald Trump took office, what’s happened to the eggs?

Abby: Oh my god, do you not understand—   

After more insane crosstalk that lasted for the longest minute of your life, Abby accused Jennings of derailing the conversation, and ended it this way: “I think people have the ability to understand the difference between the price of eggs today and the price of eggs a year ago today. Versus what you would prefer to talk about, which is the price of eggs when Donald Trump was inaugurated.  You’re just talking about two different time horizons.”

YES!  He “would prefer to talk about” the relevant time horizon, rather than one that holds Trump responsible for what Biden did as president.

Whatever else you can say about that segment, it’s clear that Jennings foiled them again.  (Boom!  Late, game-saving proper fencing reference.  Because I looked it up, and a fencing stick is called a “foil.”) 

Whatever CNN is paying Scott Jennings, it’s not enough.

And whatever they’re paying Julie Roginsky and Abby Phillip, it’s way too much.

So… 

Roginsky/Phillip, 2028!

Also,

Hamas delenda est!

Florida vs. Blue States — It’s a Rout!(posted 7/16/25)

Today’s hump-day column will be a Florida-centric one, starting with a little gushing over the founder of the CO Nation feast himself, the great and powerful CO, who has been doing an excellent job curating and commenting on an interesting variety of stories lately.

As I’ve started writing more columns, I’ve taken less time to comment on the stories and columns – and the comments – here, but everybody has been hitting the ball hard lately!  The COSIE’s offerings have been great – and not just because of the awesome Aussie pics – and Christopher Silber keeps breaking down economics and Chinese history in columns that make me feel smarter after reading each one.  The Correspondent for Thinly Researched Conspiracy Theories doesn’t write often enough for my taste, but each posting is a gem. 

In an online world that sometimes seems to consist mainly of Temu ads, porn, and fighting characterized by the bad manners born of keyboard courage, this site continues to be a refuge, with the comforting ambience of a virtual corner pub.  I’m very grateful for the opportunity to hang out here and crack wise!

I have one more request of CO, and that is for him to post a review of the Elvis Costello concert he went to a few days ago.  I’ve been a huge fan of Elvis since the “My Aim is True” days, but have never seen him live.  So please assuage my jealousy, and allow me to live vicariously through your account of the evening.

Okay, since I’m a “count your blessings” kind of optimist, CO’s recent post about the amazing roll that Florida is on lately got me thinking. 

You remember the bullet points: The #1 economy for the third consecutive year; #1 in new business formation; fewest state workers, lowest per capita debt, second-lowest per capita spending, law-and-order policies; lowest in-state tuition; no state income tax, etc. 

Fortunately for us, we don’t take all of this for granted, because televisions and computers exist.  And each day we can use them to check on how things are going in the blue cities and states in this great nation.  And… yikes!

Comparing Florida to blue states is enlightening, and allows for some healthy, Nelson Muntzian “Ha-Ha!” gloating, with a side of soul-restoring in-your-face-y “I told you so!”

For example, I lived in my beloved home state of Illinois for my first 24 years, and have been in Florida for the last 39.  Florida’s financial success and growth is the mirror opposite of what’s been going on in Illinois.  They’ve got a state income tax and higher property taxes, but their infrastructure is deteriorating.  They’ve got a greedy D-irigible for governor, and we’ve got a lean, mean D-Santis.

They’ve welcomed in hordes of illegals, and they’ve spent $2.5 billion – with a “b” as in “bonehead” – on them in the last three years, and their state debt is amongst the worst in the nation.  Chicago public schools just announced that they’re staring at a shortall of $750 million (with an “m” as in “moron”), and will have to make deep cuts to their already atrocious system. 

Florida grabs our illegals and flies them to Martha’s Vineyard.  And then we laugh and laugh at the rich white liberals panicking and giving the noble brown folks the bum’s rush right off of their precious island.

The most obvious counterpart to Florida is California, and there too, the big picture is obvious.  Florida is economically health and vibrant, while California is stagnant and covered in feces and the bodies of homeless people, some of whom may have actually been dead since February.

Florida cops fight crime; California cops fight for their lives.   Florida is building; California watches their buildings burn down.  

Florida’s main immigrant group is plucky Cubans who came legally, and will punch you in the face if you say something nice about communism.  California’s main immigrant group is (mostly) entitled Mexicans who came illegally, and will punch you in the face if you say something nice about America.

We prepare for hurricanes, and when one knocks a bridge down, we rebuild it in 72 hours.

Californians drain their reservoirs and allow homeless addicts to make campfires among their native kindling plants, and when entire zip codes burn to the ground (unexpectedly!), they issue permits to rebuild…to the great-grandchildren of the owners, just in time for the tri-centennial celebrations in 2076.   

Both states have a Disney park.  When covid hit, Florida’s Disney World closed for less than 4 months, and re-opened to a blizzard of headlines along the lines of “Reckless Red State Re-opens ‘Disney Dachau’ Despite Raging Epidemic that Will Kill Us All!” 

Meanwhile, CA’s Disneyland was closed for over a year, while they watched people enjoying Florida’s Disney World, and waited for the pile of bodies stacked up like cordwood that never materialized.

Both states took on an ambitious high-speed train project.  Florida built the Brightline to connect Miami and Orlando (with a stop near the CO compound and world headquarters).  The project broke ground in mid-2014, with a few parts of the route opening in 2018 and the entire line being finished by September of 2023.  It was largely privately financed, and cost $6 billion.

California’s high-speed rail project was talked about since the 1990s, and was approved by voters in 2008, with the goal of linking San Francisco and Los Angeles by 2020 for an estimated cost of $33 billion.  But CA politicians all held their hands out, and CA environmental activists all stuck their feet out, and it was decided that Phase 1 would join the small inland towns of Bakersfield and Merced, neither of which most Californians had ever heard of, except for those who had heard the song “Streets of Bakersfield.” (Buck Owens and Dwight Yoakam did it best.) 

By the time Trump took office this year – five years after the line was supposed to have been completed – the estimated cost had ballooned to $128 billion, with an estimated completion sometime in the 2030s.  At this point, a grand total of zero feet of track has been laid, for the low, low price of… wait for it… $7 billion dollars!

So if you’re counting on your abacus at home, that sums up the difference between the prudent, conservative governance in Florida and the Marxist/Leninist Schiff-show that is Democrat rule in California:

The citizens of Florida got a high-tech train joining thriving population centers in 9 years and at the cost of $6 billion dollars.

Meanwhile, the likes of Haircut Newsom and Big Mouth Bass took 17 years and only one billion more dollars to provide Californians with no tracks laid between two towns that nobody wants to go to anyway.

Newsom/Mamdani, 2028!  

Also…

Hamas delenda est!

I See Some Bad Things on the Horizon for the Dems (posted 7/11/25)

Yes, faithful readers, your eyes are not deceiving you: you are reading my fifth consecutive daily column.

I know: a five-column week is an impressive achievement.  It’s like shooting under 60 in one round of a golf tournament, or throwing back-to-back no-hitters in the MLB.  Or the Bears drafting a quarterback who doesn’t rip the hearts out of Bears fans and stomp on them with inexplicably sharp cleats by the time Halloween rolls around and we’re eliminated from the playoffs.

Would I be able to do this if I weren’t semi-retired?  No. 

Would I be able to do it without your faithful readership, which I might even describe as verging on adoration, if my instinctive modesty didn’t restrain me?  No. 

Would I be able to do it if I didn’t have the strength of ten men, because my heart is pure?  No way.

Okay, enough of that.  It’s Friday, baby, so where my narwhals at?

Today I’m focusing on some escalating bad behavior from mainstream Dems in the congress and the MSM that is not going to end well for them.  I’m talking about their increasingly unhinged and violent rhetoric aimed at ICE agents who are just doing their jobs and enforcing our immigration laws.

The Dems are in such an impenetrable bubble that they really do seem to think that the public is on their side, and that the Cuddly Kilmar doll is going to be a big seller this Christmas.  (You pull a string on his back, and he says, “MS-13 forever, homes!” and “My old lady had that beating coming, your honor.”)  (Unregistered car filled with illegals he was caught trafficking sold separately.)

Many Democrats are in the throes of anger, and convinced that it’s the righteous kind.  Axios interviewed a dozen Democrat House members who anonymously reported that their voters are getting more and more heated.  One said that, “our own base is telling us that there needs to be blood to grab the attention of the press and the public.” 

Another reported that his constituents are saying that “civility isn’t working” and to prepare for “violence…to fight to protect our democracy.”  A third said that “people online have sent me crazy sh*t, told me to storm the White House and stuff like that.” 

(Because insurrection is (D)ifferent when they do it.)  

Of course, this is the predictable result of Democrat elites ramping up hatred on their side in recent years.  By last November, their supporters didn’t think Trump could ever win, or that if he did, it would be through some illegitimate trickery.  So when he swept the swing states, won the popular vote, and beat Que Mala in the electoral college like Kilmar tuning up his wife because she looked at him wrong, they didn’t know what to do.  

The same boneheads telling them to “fight for democracy” – until democracy worked, and swept Trump into a second presidential term – have now gone back to the Extremist Handbook of Inflammatory Slogans and recycled “Conservatives are Nazis and ICE is the Gestapo!” 

They have no idea that they’re racing down F**k-Around Street with the pedal to the metal, and they’re fast approaching Find-Out Avenue.  And that intersection is strewn with spike strips and Jersey barriers, and both sides of the cross street are lined with empty prison buses.  The seat belts in those buses come with complementary handcuffs, and in front of each bus is a squad of Homan’s Heroes®.  And those guys are there to do calligraphy and jail rioters.

And they’re all out of fountain pens.

Okay, that got a little weird at the end.  Annnndddd…I’m pushing away the glass of Knob Creek 9 until I finish this column.

Anyway, the lefty activists have been asking for trouble, and now they’re starting to get it.  More and more stories are coming out about imbeciles interfering with ICE and getting arrested or worse.     

On Tuesday four morons were caught after they put out devices that spiked the tires of ICE vehicles.  Their mugshots send the clear, non-verbal message we’ve all come to expect in these situations: “My prospects for ever having sexual congress with a decent woman are slim and none, and slim has left the building.”

A day earlier, at a Border Patrol station in McAllen, TX, an idiot armed himself and dressed up in tactical gear and attacked border patrol agents and local police.  He managed to wound one of them before they shot him a lot, and he quickly took the pavement temperature challenge.  Because: Texas.

Or, as a Breitbart story put it, “Cops Neutralize Attacker.” 

I love the use of the term “neutralized” here.  You almost never hear it outside of thriller novels or movies, or IDF after-action reports, which regular readers know are my favorites.   “We neutralized that Hezbollah leader’s eyes and hands in our pager attack three weeks ago.  And we just neutralized the rest of him with a missile strike on a goat pen where he was having a conjugal visit.  Shalom, and thank you for your attention to this matter.”

Ten radical freaks ambushed an ICE facility on the Fourth of July, wounding one agent before escaping, frustratingly un-shot.  But they were soon arrested, and their chances of being home in time to find a Cuddly Kilmar under their Christmas tree are not good.

Just yesterday a Texas Constable arrested a 22-year-old Mensa member named Serio Olivares (tragically, an American citizen), whose dad owns a business where ICE agents arrested some illegals.  As the agents were about to leave, Serio arrived and confronted them, damaging one of their cars.  When they left, he pursued them, driving recklessly, until they stopped and arrested him. 

The local “liberal Democrat district attorney’s office” would not press any more serious charges than misdemeanor traffic violations, so the constable is contacting the Feds to bring more serious interference with federal agents charges. 

My favorite part of the story is that Serio is a serial offender.  Unexpectedly! 

Because last November, he was charged with interfering with an officer’s public duties – sound familiar? – but that charge was later dismissed, in a deal in which he pled to one felony charge.  In March he was given diversion after cocaine possession and unlawful carrying of a gun – C’mon, Texas!  You’re letting me down here – on the condition that he not commit another crime within one year.

Right now Serio is staring intently at a calendar, trying to do some basic calculations.  I’d love to be there when he figures out that from March to July is four months.  And I’d REALLY love to be there 10 minutes later, when he realizes that four months is less than one year.  

Which means that he can still serve two years on the earlier coke charge, in addition to whatever sentence the Feds are going to give him for his latest stunt.

To paraphrase the Captain in Cool Hand Luke, “What we’ve got here is a failure to cogitate.”    

If the Dems keep this up, one of their unstable foot-soldiers is eventually going to kill an ICE agent, and they are not going to enjoy what comes next.

In the meantime, I’m praying for our cops, border patrol and ICE agents, and bracing for more winning, and the lefty activist tantrums that come with it.

Hamas delenda est!

Reading the SCOTUS Case that Allows Trump to Act As President Again (posted 7/7/25)

I’ll be back with another column covering the ongoing foolishness in our politics tomorrow or Wednesday, but today I have to ask you to bear with me, because I’ve written an uncharacteristically serious column about the SCOTUS ruling in Trump v. Casa, Inc.  That’s the one dealing with the dozens of universal injunctions by district court judges who have been trying to stop Trump’s every move.  

The underlying case was about Trump’s EO ending birthright citizenship for the born-in-America children of illegals, which I’m afraid he might well lose, though he shouldn’t, IMHO.  But the ruling in Casa settled what should have been an obvious point: the US government can’t function with 677 de facto presidents, i.e. district court judges who can stop any executive decision for months or years at a time.

I’ve read the whole decision – written by Amy Coney-Barrett – including the concurrences by Thomas, Alito and Kavanaugh and the dissents by Sotomayor and Jackson, and I’d encourage anyone who is interested to read it, too.  As I discovered when I read the abortion and second amendment cases several summers ago, SCOTUS decisions are unexpectedly understandable, even for non-lawyers. 

I read this one over the Independence Day weekend, which seemed appropriate, given how grateful I am for our independence and for this ruling! 

I’ve found that I can just skip over the citations and look up only the legal terms that aren’t self-explanatory, and I was surprised at how much the justices’ writing reveals their intelligence, discipline and character.  The best writers and thinkers on our side are Thomas and Alito, IMHO.  On the other side, I think the general consensus is that Kagan is the smartest, Sotomayor is mediocre, and Jackson is embarrassingly bad.

After reading this case, I think Sotomayor did a little better than I expected, and Jackson was as bad as I expected.  And I thought Barrett wrote a much stronger originalist argument than I’d expected, and not just because she mercilessly took Jackson’s bizarre rambling apart.

Barrett starts the majority opinion – the initial summary of which is only around 2000 words –at the nation’s beginning, noting that “Universal injunctions are not sufficiently analogous to any relief available in the court of equity in England at the time of the founding.”  She then moves forward in time, claiming, “Nor did founding-era courts of equity in the United States chart a different course.  If anything, the approach traditionally taken by federal courts cuts against the existence of such a sweeping remedy.”

She addresses the counter-arguments, noting that “respondents claim that universal injunctions are the modern equivalent of the decree resulting from a ‘bill of peace,’” but then cites a bunch of precedents to show why that analogy does not hold.  She closes by summarizing the points on which the government must prevail, and demonstrating that they do so, while noting that this doesn’t mean that they will ultimately win on the underlying birthright citizenship question.  The key sentence in her conclusion, IMHO: “When a court concludes that the Executive Branch has acted unlawfully, the answer is not for the court to exceed its power, too.”  

The full 6500-word opinion that follows traces the history of universal injunctions, pointing out that they “were not a feature of federal-court litigation until sometime in the 20th Century,” and that they have been exploding since W’s term, when over three-quarters of them have been issued.  (And we all know that the explosion of injunctions in the first four months of Trump II has drastically added to that statistical imbalance.) 

Her closing: “The universal injunction was conspicuously nonexistent for most of our nation’s history….  Had federal courts believed themselves to possess the tool, surely they would not have let it lay idle.” 

Thomas uses a citation-heavy 1200 words to emphasize the need for judicial restraint that this ruling supports.  Then Alito’s concurrence anticipates the activist left’s next counter-moves to try to get around this clear ruling.  He warns about an expanded view of third-party standing (plaintiffs who aren’t affected by an issue arguing on behalf of others) and class-action filings.

On the former, he says, “Left unchecked, the practice of reflexive state third-party standing will undermine today’s decision as a practical matter.”  On the latter,“Today’s decision will have very little value if district courts award relief to broadly defined classes without following Rule 23’s procedural protections for class certification.”  (Rule 23 forces plaintiffs to meet specific requirements to achieve a class-action suit, which activists hate, as you might imagine.)

Alito warns that lower courts “should not view today’s decision as an invitation to certify nationwide classes without scrupulous adherence to the rigors of Rule 23.”   “Lax enforcement of the requirements for third-party standing and class certification would create a potentially significant loophole to today’s decision.” 

Many on the left are already talking about trying both of these tactics, thus proving Alito’s point.  Hopefully his warning will rein in most lower courts from trying these end-around moves, though I imagine the most lawless of the activist judges will go for it anyway, being constrained by neither law nor ethics, as they obviously are.

Sotomayor actually lays out a pretty convincing argument that birthright citizenship is constitutional.  She relies mostly on the fact that it has been a long-standing precedent, which is ironic, since she and the other “living constitution” supporters only seem to value precedent when it leads to their favored political conclusions.  (They made a big deal about the 50-year precedent of Roe v. Wade being overturned, for example, but they had nothing to say about the nearly 200-year precedent of abortion not being in the constitution, until the Roe court “discovered” it in 1973. Not to mention the nearly 250-year precedent that the court shattered in Obergefell, when they “discovered” gay marriage hidden in the constitution.  Probably right next to the right to abortion, as well as the pre-emptive prohibition from ever electing Trump president.)

 The most striking characteristics of Sotomayor’s argument are her nakedly partisan tone and how consistently she calls for more power for her court.  She claims that the English equity courts “unlike this court” “constantly declined to lay down any rule that shall limit their power and discretion.”  She says that those older courts “[kept] injunctive relief flexible,” as opposed to the originalists on this court, who want to “freeze in amber” the precedents that they cite.  She takes a final shot at the conservatives, saying that unlike the equity courts she claims “delight[ed] to do justice, and not by halves,” this court only wants to do justice “by piecemeal,” which results in “strip[ping] federal courts of authority” and causing a “diminution of judicial power.”    

But while Sotomayor makes typical “living constitution” arguments that tend toward giving courts the power to “legislate from the bench,” Ketanji Jean-Pierre goes flying right past Sotomayor in her truly awful dissent.  I would warn anyone not to read Jackson immediately before the sober clarity of Thomas or Alito, because doing so could give you the bends.

If Sotomayor sounds like a partisan guest on PBS, Jackson sounds like an unhinged MSNBC host and a high school sophomore had a baby, and that baby was elevated to SCOTUS purely for DEI reasons.  Because: yikes!

She comes out of the gate hot – hot, and stupid! – by slandering the conservative majority, saying “The Court’s decision to permit the Executive to violate the Constitution…is an existential threat to the rule of law.” 

That’s three partisan MSM talking points in one sentence, and things don’t get any better from there.  She constantly begs the question by assuming that Trump’s EO is obviously unconstitutional throughout, even though SCOTUS has agreed to take that contention up in the fall term.  Her tone is by turns emotional (she talks about her disillusionment, fear and frustration), heavy on the kind of lefty talking points she started with (describing the court as endorsing “a rule-of-kings governing system”) and light on relevant citations and concrete argument.

In fact, she disdains the originalists’ analysis of whether universal injunctions have analogous precedents in the English courts and the Founders’ Judiciary Act of 1789 as “a mind-numbing technical query.”  (Many sane lawyers would call it “establishing foundations.”) She also calls it “legalese” and “a smokescreen!” 

She uses inappropriate phrases such as “…(wait for it)…” as if she were me, writing my juvenile mockeries of self-important leftists, rather than a SCOTUS justice!  She also seems to not understand the roles of lower courts and SCOTUS any more than she understands what a woman is, because she chides the originalist SCOTUS members for their “dismissive treatment of the solemn duties and responsibilities of the lower courts.” 

First, if the partisan lower courts had been taking their duties and responsibilities seriously, we wouldn’t be in this mess!  Second, they’re LOWER courts, you dunce!   The job of the higher court is to evaluate and often reverse the lower courts.  How does someone who went to law school not know that?   

By the end – and despite her rejection of English law and our early court decisions which originated from it – she approvingly cites Hypothetical Interplanetary Law.  To wit, “A Martian arriving here from another planet would see these circumstances and surely wonder: ‘What good is the constitution, then?’”

Good lord.  I guess if an imaginary ET doesn’t like our constitution, we should just dissolve it and then re-establish ourselves as Ketanji-land?

Barrett’s backhanding of Jackson’s ridiculous blathering is unusually scathing, and yet still not nearly scathing enough.  She calls Jackson’s argument a “startling line of attack that is tethered neither to these sources nor, frankly, to any doctrine whatsoever,” and points out that it “[waves] away attention to the limits on judicial power as a “mind-numbingly technical query.” 

And she finally does the judicial equivalent of coming off the top rope to slam a metal folding chair over Jackson’s 10-cent head in what has to be one of the most brutal dismissals in SCOTUS history:  “We will not dwell on Justice Jackson’s argument, which is at odds with more than two centuries’ worth of precedent, not to mention the Constitution itself. We observe only this: Justice Jackson decries an imperial Executive while embracing an imperial Judiciary.”

So that leaves us with the smartest of the 3 liberal justices, Elena Kagan, who didn’t write in this case.  And her silence is deafening.

Because in a talk she gave in 2022, Kagan forcefully pointed out the danger of district court judges issuing universal injunctions, saying, “It just can’t be right that one district judge can stop a nationwide policy in its tracks and leave it stopped for years that it takes to go through a legal process.” 

In fact, she specifically condemned the practice of “judge shopping” to get those injunctions   She mentioned that when Trump was president, lefty plaintiffs went to the liberal northern district of California, and when Biden was president, righties went to a conservative district in Texas.

She was obviously right about that, since out of the 95 US court districts, 5 leftist districts have issued something like 35 of the most important 40 universal injunctions against Trump.  So Kagan is vindicated, and her clear stance against universal injunctions stands as a brave example of a justice not being swayed by her own personal political partisanship.

Oh no, wait.  In Trump v. Casa, Inc she voted against the position she had taken just three years ago, and by not writing a dissent, she gave no reason for the change.

I’d like to say, “I wonder why,” but we all know, don’t we?  When universal injunctions are hampering a Democrat president, they are very bad.  But when they are hampering a Republican president, they magically become extra super-constitutional and good.

Because on the high court – just as in Congress, and governors’ offices, and mayors’ offices – it’s (D)ifferent when they do it. 

Hamas delenda est!

The Self-Inflicted Wound that is Zohran Mamdani (posted 7/2/25)

When I left off yesterday, I was just getting to the new leftist blunderkind, the likely future mayor of New York City, Zohran Mamdani.

And I know what you’re thinking: “Zohran” is a good name for a Mongol raider, or a Martian emperor, or perhaps something from Pfizer that you can use to treat your dermatitis. (“Ask your doctor about extra-strength Zohran.  Side effects may include racial tension and economic palpitations, and in rare situations, rectal bleeding and civilizational collapse.”)

But it’s not a good name for a New York City mayor.  And unfortunately, his name is the least objectionable thing about him.  He’s a 34-year-old trust-fund socialist Muslim Jew-hater who’s never had a real job.   He graduated from Bowdoin (unexpectedly!) with a degree in Africana studies (unexpectedly!)  where he also co-founded the school’s chapter of “Students for Justice in Wakanda.”

Sorry, that should be “Students for Justice in Palestine.”  Got my non-existent countries mixed up there. 

Since graduation, he’s followed a career path of being a professional useless person, in such positions as volunteer, activist and agitator.  You know your resume is thin when the most prominent job you’ve held is “failed rapper.”   

And by the way, how the hell does someone fail at rapping?  Lose your rhyming dictionary? 

I mean, I’m almost as white as Liz Warren (#wemustneverstopmockingher), and even I can rap.  

Here you go:

Zohran’s bad, he makes me mad,

my dog is sad, no one’s glad. 

He oughta be mayor of Islamabad.    

Beeyotch!”

Now go watch one of Zohran’s old rap videos, and tell me my rap wasn’t just as good. 

In fact, tomorrow morning I’m going to take a whack at writing my Grammy acceptance speech.  And while I can’t tell you exactly what that will entail, I can tell you the last lines right now: “Shout out to Tom Petty, Rest in Power!  Thank you for your attention to this matter.”

Just kidding.  If any of you ever hear me say, “Rest in Power,” you have my permission to shoot me in the face with whatever firearm is closest to hand.   

Anyway, Zohran is terrible in many ways.  As someone has noted in the past, NYC is already Sodom, but with Soviet Economics.  And ZM said to himself, “Why not go for the trifecta and throw some Jew hatred in there too? See how that goes?” 

Z’s long history of anti-Semitism is already causing some deliciously entertaining leftist-on-leftist infighting in Democrat circles.  A deranged HuffPo article on Senator Kirstin Gillibrand calling out Zohran’s bigotry featured someone named Sanjana Karanth (gesundheit) turning the dishonesty dial up to 11.

She described Gillibrand’s accurate statements as “a shockingly racist tirade” and “the lie that Mamdani endorses rhetoric that endangers Jewish New Yorkers, without mentioning the anti-Muslim hate rising alongside anti-Semitism.”

Yes.  Karanth (Bless you.  Do you need a tissue?) makes a great point, because we are all aware of the tidal wave of hatred directed toward Muslims in America. 

Such as the Jewish massacre of 11 peaceful Muslims worshiping at the Tree of Life synagogue, and the evil Egyptian rabbi who just lit a bunch of peacefully protesting Muslims on fire in Boulder, and the Torah-studying villain who shot that young Muslim couple outside the Capital Jewish Museum in DC last month, and—

No, wait.  My crack research staff tells me that those were all attacks and murders of Jews.  I would recount the hundreds of recent hate-crime attacks on Muslims in America, but when I asked Siri for that list, she just laughed at me until I had to turn her off.  So my bad.     

Zohran has repeatedly called for “globalizing the Intifada.”  Of course Zohran, his apologists, many Islamists, and Sanjana Karanth have a conveniently ahistorical response, pointing out that “intifada” just means “struggle.”

Regular readers know that since I retired I am working on learning German, and it just so happens that I know the German word for “struggle.”  Which is “Kampf.” 

As in, “Mein Kampf.” 

Which is NOT comforting, Zohran!  Especially since I’m sure that Hitler’s manifesto – if translated into Arabic – would be a big seller among Zohran’s co-religionists.  And “Mein Intifada” does not sound any better than the original!  

Even in a party lousy with anti-Semites, Zohran has distinguished himself.  Or as the great Babylon Bee put it, “Hamas Claims Responsibility for NYC Mayoral Primary.”

But Zohran the Merciless doesn’t just hate Jews.  He hates whitey and rich people too!  Like most innumerate socialists, he’s promising the world to poor people: free buses, free healthcare, nearly free grocery stores (Yay, USSR!), and rent control forever!  Ironically, the majority of the poor and black voters went for Cuomo, while it was the woke white college graduates who went strongest for Zohran.  Unexpectedly!

Or, as the Babylon Bee also put it, “Dems Discover Innovative Strategy of Promising Free Stuff to Stupid People.”

Zohran was dumb enough to say that he specifically wants to raise taxes on those in “richer and whiter neighborhoods,” and crunchy granola AWFLs were dumb enough to say, “Thank you sir, may I have another.”

Thus proving that racists who hate minorities are dead wrong.  Because there is nobody on God’s green earth dumber than a white, leftist, blue-city resident at the ballot box.

But the suicide-vest cherry on this intifada sundae is that Zohran has vowed that NYC is going to defy ICE deportation efforts.  After referring to the recent arrest of an illegal at Federal Plaza by ICE agents, Mamdani vowed that “those days are going to come to an end when I’m the mayor.”

Oh man, I am hoping that we can get this fight on pay-per-view! 

In one corner, it’s wimpy Zohran with his history of accomplishing nothing and nearly crying when he talks about mean tweets he’s received (he really did that), as he enters the ring waving copies of his grievance studies diploma and Mao’s Little Red Book. 

In the other corner we have Hulk Homan™, with his bulldog head, Popeye forearms and gravelly voice, who almost certainly has chunks of MS-13 gang members in his stool, and who enters the arena waving a copy of the US code saying that illegals can be deported forthwith.

Not since Mike Tyson in his prime took on that malnourished pre-teen suffering from asthma, spina bifida, rickets and childhood macular degeneration…

And just when I thought I couldn’t respect Zohran less, he took a page from the playbooks of Cankles McPantsuit (“Ah ain’t noways tie-uhd.”) and Que Mala (“Ya bettuh thank ah union membuh!”), and got caught adopting different accents to pander to different crowds. 

Videos of him from his rapping days and also more recently show him doing an Indian accent so pronounced that he made Apu from the Simpsons sound like Professor Henry Higgins.  During an interview, a New York reporter called him out on the issue.  Unexpectedly!

No, this time I’m being serious.  Because this time, it really WAS unexpected! 

Zohran said – in perfectly unaccented English — “New Yorkers, more than they hate someone they disagree with, hate someone they can’t trust.”  (By the way, you had us at “they hate.”)     

The reporter said, “On the issue of trust, you’ve adopted different speaking accents in different scenarios.  Is there one that’s real and one that’s affected?”

He lamely replied that, “There are different parts of my life.  Here in New York City, this is how I speak.”                     

Ugh.  Will the Democrat base never learn?  Normal people like authentic people.  One of the greatest compliments you can hear about a celebrity is “he’s the same person when the cameras are off as when the cameras are on him.”   

Even if a politician or celebrity has some rough edges, we like to know that he or she is not a phony.

For example, I’d bet my house that grade school Tom Homan was exactly the same as Tom Homan now, only smaller.

I picture him playing basketball at recess, when a tough kid from a different school hops the fence and grabs the ball from a smaller kid and starts shooting baskets.  And young pre-Hulk Homan confronts the kid.

 “If you know the Playground Rules, you’ll know that rule 7a is that nobody who doesn’t attend this school can play on this playground.  Now I’m going to give you to the count of 3 to get back on the other side of that fence.  1…” 

And on “2” he head butts the kid into next week, then picks him up and tosses him over the fence like a Martha’s Vineyard liberal tossing the illegals whom DeSantis flew there onto the first bus out of town.   

And Donald Trump sounds like Donald Trump, for good and ill, wherever he is.

Close your eyes.  Trump at the supper table, when he’s 8 years old…  

Well, you’ve got to open your eyes. Because I’m writing this, and you’re reading it.  But you know what I mean.

Trump at supper, age 8:

“Mom, this was a fantastic meatloaf.  Fantastic!  Nobody’s ever had meatloaf like this.  Other people say that meatloaf is their least favorite meal.  They’d rate it at the bottom of all foods, if it even got a rating at all.  And yet, this one was terrific!  Frankly, you have made meatloaf great again.”

The same guy, 70 years later, meeting with the Pope:   

“Hey, your Holiness, I want to apologize for our last guy.   I know you’re too righteous to say it, but I’m not: he was our worst president, even before he came here and sh*t on the guy before you, pardon my French.  Just a disgrace.  Anyway, I’d appreciate it if you’d put in a good word for me with the Man Upstairs, because I am surrounded by the lowest IQ Democrats ever.  Just between you and me, they don’t know what the f**k they are doing, you know?  Hey, do you still get to ride around in the Popemobile?”

And, scene.   

So let’s recap.  Trump is five months in, and he’s got the highest approval ratings he’s ever had.  Groceries, gas and inflation are down, and the border is closed.  The right track-wrong track numbers are up, military recruitment is up, and Iranian nuke sites and scientists are up. 

As in “blown up.”

The stock market has recovered, the BBB appears poised to pass, Trump is handing out EOs like Joe Frazier handing out naps, and  SCOTUS is slapping down leftist judges’ TROs like Macron’s wife slapping Macron.  Harvard is trembling, Rosie has fled to Ireland.  And Trump is in the process of crushing his enemies, seeing them driven before him, and listening to the lamentations of their men who identify as women.

And the Democrats are about to elect a cosplaying Communist jihadi who couldn’t run a lemonade stand to run NYC straight into the ground, a process which should be well underway about the time people are going to the polls in next year’s midterms.

To paraphrase an optimistic Elwood Blues talking to Joliet Jake right before the iconic car chase, it’s 17 months to the midterms, we’ve got a full tank of gas, a half a pack of EOs, things look dark for the Dems, and we’re wearing sunglasses. 

So we’ve got that going for us.

Hamas delenda est!

The Left is Not Handling All of This Good News Well (posted 6/30/25)

I virtually “met” CO many years ago – that’s a story for another day, but I can tell you that it was reminiscent of the Three Wise Men finally making it to Bethlehem.  Although CO is not exactly the baby Jesus, and I was just one lone wise man.  More of a wise guy, really.  But as Bogey said at the end of Casablanca, it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. 

I wrote my first column for CO’s site on December 9th, 2016.  You can find it, along with the rest of my archives here at Martinsimpsonwriting.com.  (And don’t miss the prescient “future conservative SCOTUS” joke in that first column, which was written before I’d acquired my conical purple wizard hat that allows me to see the future.)  

Since then I’ve written 683 columns – this one makes 684 – and I’ve had an acceptance speech for the Nobel Prize in Literature just gathering dust in my desk, tragically unused, for most of the last 8 years.  And yes, I wrote it in a comedic Donald Trump voice, which I’m sure would go over great with the Nobel crowd in Stockholm. 

Oh okay, if you insist, I’ll give you an excerpt from it, featuring the first few paragraphs and the last lines:

“I’d like to thank God, CO and every member of CO Nation, and I’d also like to thank the European elites who hand out these awards.  But I can’t, because many people say that you’ve turned these awards into the fake news of awards, giving them to every leftist lunatic who ever put pen to paper.  They’ve become totally fake.  Fake awards! 

But still, you’re doing a tremendous thing tonight, though frankly, it’s embarrassing that it’s taken you so long.  So embarrassing.  I mean, I get it.  I stand before you as a representative of the greatest country in the world, a man with a wit as sharp as my gaze is steely and my jawline is firm.  And you’re looking around at each other glumly.  Look at Hans over there!  So glum.    Your men are simpering and your women are ugly, and your nonbinary children are cowering in a corner, hoping that you won’t let Putin conquer your countries and enslave them.  Sad.”

[Jump cut to the end of the speech]   

“…like nobody’s ever seen before. 

Now please, go back and read through my body of work, and learn its lessons.  Otherwise, people are going to think that you just don’t know what the f**k you’re doing.  Thank you for your attention to this matter.”  

And, scene.

I say all that to say this: in the nearly 9 years I’ve been writing on this site, I don’t know that there has been a week packed with more good news (other than the weeks featuring the epic losses of Hillary and Que Mala) than this past one.  And now I’ve got such an embarrassment of riches to write about that I don’t know what to do.   I’ve been writing three columns a week, but I could write three columns a day this week, and still barely scratch the surface!

I see two broad categories of good-news stories: those involving big wins for our side, and those involving hilariously entertaining, schadenfreude-infused tales of various leftists melting down in theatrical glory.

So I’m just going to jump in and start celebrating and mocking, and see if I’ve got the gas in the tank for another 5-column week. 

I’ll start with a guy whose name I’d never heard before, possibly because he’s a columnist for USA Today.  Which is a paper that people fold over their heads and press tightly against their ears if they’re stuck in an airport where CNN is playing on every tv. 

His name is Rex Huppke.  After I saw the column I’m about to tell you about, I researched him a bit, and the first thing I came across was a column he wrote last weekend, right after Trump took out Iran’s nuke sites.  Instead of waiting a few days, lest intervening events make him look very stupid – a phenomenon that I’m guessing he experiences quite often – he opened up on our “dumb president.”

He predicted a coming “quagmire in the Middle East,” and after a few hundred words of dire warnings that have already been proven to be as smart as Jasmine Crocket with a concussion, he ended by saying that if the bombing proves successful “it’ll be dumb luck.  But if it leads to disaster, it’ll be exactly what anyone paying attention to these reckless hucksters predicted.”

Wow.  Nicely done, Huppster.  You tried for the old “heads I win, tails you lose” trick, and yet you still managed to lose.  How does it feel to have the dumbest guy around be proven smarter than you and all of your egghead co-religionists in the MSM? 

Unexpectedly!

But that’s not why I’m writing about Wretched Rex now.  Because after that disastrous column a week ago, Huppke took another swing at it…

One. Week. Layter.   

This time, he wrote about the SCOTUS ruling saying that public schools can no longer force grade school kids, against their parents’ consent, to learn all about how they can change their sex (in a textbook called, “Science, Schmience,” I’m guessing).   This ruling gave Rex what he thought was a very clever column idea. 

As we say in the South, “Bless his heart.”

In an op-ed titled, “Thanks SCOTUS!  It’s now my right to prevent my kid from learning about Trump,” Huppke argues that SCOTUS preventing kids from being indoctrinated in the LGBTQ+ religion is analogous to allowing kids to opt out of any school lessons discussing US presidents of whom Huppke doesn’t approve.

(Did I mention that Huppke’s email address is @bluesky?  Because of course it is.)

Seriously.  Because Trump has made boorish comments about genitalia grabbing and illegal immigrants, and was found liable for sexually assaulting a mentally unstable woman in a transparently bogus civil verdict that will definitely be overturned eventually, Huppke believes that his kids should be prevented from learning anything about Trump and his presidency.   

Think about that for a second.  If children were kept from learning about any US presidents whose behavior offended Rex’s tender sensibilities, our history textbooks would be as short as AOC’s attention span.   

(If I were delivering this next part as a speech, this is where I’d take a drink of water and a very long inhale before running down the following list…)

No Washington or Jefferson (who owned slaves), nor any other presidents before Lincoln, since they all at least tolerated slavery.  Lincoln suspended habeas corpus and said some unkind things about black folks.  Grant was a horrendous bully, since he gave the Democrats of his day wedgies and swirlies, and then took their slaves away and freed them.

TR hunted, Wilson was a racist, FDR undoubtedly called the people he put in camps “Japs.”  Ike killed a lot of people, and Truman dropped a couple of bombs that were even more offensively penetrative than the MOP (stop snickering).  JFK banged every female within arm’s reach, LBJ said the n-word more often than he said hello, and Richard Nixon was Richard Nixon.  Reagan whipped the Dems’ co-religionists in the USSR and Nicaragua, and Clinton repeated JFK’s sexual crimes, while adding perjury to the mix.  W was Bushitler, Obama deported 3 million angels in human form at our southern border, and Biden raised Hunter and used him as his bag-man/cut-out with the Chicoms.    

The only president who might possibly pass the Huppke Standard of Non-Offensiveness might be William Henry Harrison, who died in 1841 after serving only 30 days in office. (History Note: This was too long ago for that stunt to be called, “Pulling a Biden.”)   

On the other hand, I’m sure that once the leftist cancel squad has a chance to examine those fateful 30 days, they’ll find that Harrison allegedly told one of his cronies that women would let him “grab them by the bustle,” or else he called some of the Native Americans he fought against in Tecumseh’s War a “whiny bunch of Liz Warrens.”  

(Supplemental Historical Note: This was long before they had hashtags. But we have them now.  So #wemustneverstopmockingher )

Ironically, Huppke has probably out-smarted himself – thus creating this SCOTUS argument which future legal scholars will probably refer to as the case of “Half-wit v. Half-wit” – with his call to ban teaching anything about Trump’s presidency in K-12 public schools. 

Because ANYTHING taught about Trump in public schools run by leftist teachers’ union activists would be such hateful and farcically dishonest propaganda that Huppke is unintentionally doing those future schoolchildren a great favor.

Besides, they’ll be able to learn plenty about Trump’s accomplishments at the colossal Trump Presidential Library (which at this pace will be solely funded by billions of dollars won in defamation suits against various MSM propaganda outlets), as well as the plaques and carved speeches on thousands of Trump statues and monuments across the nation, and from the documentaries playing on whatever television networks replace the desiccated media husks that once were PBS and NPR.

(I exaggerate for comic effect.  And in the hopes that Rex Huppke will somehow see this column, causing the top of his head to blow off in a fit of narcissistic rage.)

See what I mean?  I just produced 1500 words of cathartic bliss, and I’ve barely even scratched the surface of all the great things that happened last week.  So assuming I have the time – I may be spending many hours in a doctor’s waiting room if this condition that has already lasted way more than 4 hours doesn’t subside – I’ll be back with another column tomorrow.

Hamas delenda est!

They Won’t Accept Success: Tucker and the Left’s Reaction to Taking Out Iran’s Nukes (posted 6/27/25)

It’s been interesting to watch the reactions to Trump’s bombing of Iran, especially since there are very few things that we agree on as a nation.  Our recent election results have all been within a handful of points of 50/50, and the job approval ceiling for the last several presidents appears to be right around 50%.

In that context, you’d think the 12 Day War in Iran – assuming that the fighting is now over –would seem to be an extreme outlier, since there has rarely been such a one-sided modern battle. 

Israel’s all-time record victory in the Six-Day War in 1967 will likely never be topped.  (One of my all-time favorite t-shirts is a white one with the blue Star of David on it, and the words, “Six Days, B*tch.”)  And even the first Gulf War took a little over a month. 

So the speed of this victory, along with the moral lopsidedness of the combatants – no one but Iran’s ruling theocratic dictatorship and their terrorist clients could side with them – is also unusual in most conflicts among states.  You would have to be a totally deranged lunatic to side with the mullahs over Israel and us.  (Ladies and gentlemen, I give you… Keith Olbermann.)

I wrote in a previous column about Israel’s stunning successes against Iran before this war, and then during the lightning-strikes and coordinated strategic destruction of military targets, along with decapitating the cream of the Iranian military commanders and nuclear scientists.  It’s amazing to think about how much they’ve accomplished in a year!

They decimated Hezbollah with the brilliant pager plot, along with targeted strikes on all of their top leaders, and did the same to Hamas with their relentless attacks on the terror forces of October 7th.  They contributed to the weakening of the Assad regime in Syria by eliminating much of their navy and air force, and when Assad fled, Israel wisely flew strikes that took out most of their remaining ships, planes, missiles and chemical weapons, so they wouldn’t fall into the hands of Assad’s successors.

They also took out much of Iran’s air force over the last year, and in the early hours of their attacks this month, they took out the rest, along with the leaders who would have organized a military response and possible counter strikes.  Their successes meant that our bombing run against Iran’s nuke sites posed fewer risks than it otherwise would have.

All of this put the Democrats in a very tough position, partly because too many elite Dems and their activist base really dislike America, and partly because successes of one party always make for bad politics for their competitors.  I mean, if Biden’s program – allowing millions of illegals into the country, spending like a meth addict with a trust fund, forcing dudes into girls’ sports and lockerrooms, imposing draconian covid mandates and lockdowns on healthy people – had succeeded, our election prospects last year would have been dismal.

Having said all that, it was so entertaining to watch all of the hysterical reactions from Never Trumpers and the left during the lead up to our bombing.  Particular favorites in a crowded field were the articles and speeches of David Frum and Chuck-you Schumer, which aged like milk left out in the summer sun.      

Frum published an article in the Atlantic (motto: Wrong About Everything Since 1857) entitled, “What Iran Knows About Trump: The Mullahs of Iran Join the Bet that Trump Always Chickens Out.”  I’m going to see if I can get the Atlantic to publish my companion piece to Frum’s.  I’m calling it, “What David Frum Knows About Trump… Could Fit in a Thimble.”  Frum also tweeted that, “’Two Weeks’ is what Trump says when he’s backing away from a commitment he did not mean.”

What makes those even funnier?  They both appeared on June 21st, the very day that Trump was rocking the Iranian Casbah (sing it with me, “Khameni don’t like it…”) instead of chickening out, as Frum-py knew he would. 

Schumer got in earlier, but just as stupidly.  He put out a video a few weeks ago warning that Trump was going to fold to the mullahs, and make a secret deal.   “If Taco Trump is already folding, the American public should know about it,” he croaked.   

He sneered that Trump was “gonna sound tough in public and then negotiate a side deal that lets Iran get away with everything.”  And give him credit, because he was half right:  Trump did sound tough in public. 

But then he dropped the Massive Ordnance Penetrator, or MOP.   

And before you can ask, I looked it up, and that is NOT gay slang, no matter how much it sounds like it.  (Still, the next time my wife asks me to get the mop, I’m going to chuckle and give her my Grouch Marx eyebrow wiggle, even though she won’t get it.) (I mean the comedic reference, not the…  Ahem.  Perhaps I’ve said too much.)

By the way, I assume that everyone has noticed Schumer’s obvious physical decline.  He was briefly taken to the hospital a day ago for a breathing scare, but he was losing it long before that.  He’s getting more and more hunched-over every time I see him; right now he’s got the posture of a jumbo shrimp, or possibly the letter “c,” and that gives him a creepy Nosferatu-ian vibe when he crouches over a podium and hollers at us while glaring from over the top of his glasses.

Do any politicians ever just retire anymore? 

Unfortunately, Tucker Carlson has continued his precipitous slide from being a smart and insightful guy into either a dumb hack, or a dishonest one.  Shortly before Trump gave the mullahs the MOP (stop snickering), Tucker was on Steve Bannon’s podcast raving about the apocalyptic consequences if Trump did anything to Iran.

He said it would signal “the end of the American Empire” and of Trump’s presidency, and predicted that we’d lose thousands of soldiers in another Iraq situation.  And he mocked the idea that the argument isn’t between those who want to use quick strikes to prevent Iran from getting nukes, and those who want to rely on drawn-out negotiations (which, spoiler alert have been tried and failed miserably for the last several decades). 

Nope.  For Tucker, “The real divide is between those who casually encourage violence and those who seek to prevent it – between warmongers and peacemakers.”  That sounds like something that could have been written by Bernie Sanders, AOC, or the ghost of Howard Zinn. 

Speaking of AOC (she of the juicy booty, according to her), she and half the Democrats in Congress ran to microphones or X and immediately started calling for the impeachment of Trump (again!) and decrying his horrific, unconstitutional act of bombing without getting congress’ permission first. 

Apparently no one has told them that every president since HW Bush has done that, or that Obama dropped thousands of bombs without congress’ permission in just the last several months of his reign of terro—I mean, administration.

But I didn’t need to study for years about geopolitics to support the bombing of Iran’s nuke sites.  Because I informed myself by reading an article on Twitchy about 20 actual laws in Iran, and that was enough. 

A small sampling of illegal activities in Iran: apostasy (leaving Islam), blasphemy, homosexuality and adultery can all get you the death penalty.  You can’t criticize the chief Weird Beard, or drink alcohol, or dissent online.  Women can’t sing or dance in public or go to stadiums, and they have to wear pup tents or beekeeper outfits. 

You can get up to 74 lashes for holding hands or kissing in public, and any same-sex relationships – even if, and I am quoting, they are “non-penetrative” – will get you “lashes, prison or worse.”  (I’m no relationship-ologist, but if your sexual relationships are non-penetrative, I’m pretty sure you’re doing something wrong.) (But hey, you do you.)

However, I didn’t even need to read about any of those laws, because they had me at # 19:  Dog ownership is banned, because dogs are “unclean.”   (Cassie the Wonder Dog is beside my desk as I write this, so I’m typing very quietly.)  Which is truly offensive, not to mention ridiculous.

I’ve seen those mullahs’ lice-y looking beards, and I’ve read about their goat brides – not to mention the goat chlamydia outbreaks that routinely sweep through the Iranian leadership – so I don’t think they should be throwing any stones about cleanliness from inside their glass mosques.    

Am I saying that the Iranians deserved a devastating bombing campaign because of the way they treat dogs?

I’m saying we should have that conversation.

And I’m also saying yes.    

Hamas delenda est