Thoughts on LA, SCOTUS, and Joe Biden’s Autopen (posted 6/9/25)

Well, LA’s on fire.  Again. 

And this time, as in the past, the Woke Avengers team assembled.  Led by Gavin the Haircut and Karen “Absentee Woman” Bass – plus an assortment of anonymous, mediocre DEI hires who have never done an honest day’s work in their lives – they leapt into action. 

Annnddd… did nothing for 36 hours, at least.

Well, that’s not fair to the Big Mouth Bass, because she released an outraged statement saying, “We will not stand for this!” 

Unfortunately, by “this” she didn’t mean hordes of violent thugs rioting and attacking ICE agents enforcing our laws.  No, the “this” for which she won’t stand is…wait for it…ICE agents enforcing our laws.      

I’m not making that up.  Even though Bass tried to walk that idiotic statement back within about 12 hours, the damage had already been done. The Bass had taken the bait, and been hooked on her own stupidity.  And like another fish-faced far-left mayor (I’m looking at you, Lori Lightfoot…and that’s not easy), this might finally cause her to be reeled in.  Because she appears to have just been flipped to her dorsal side, and prepared for a political grilling that she probably won’t survive. 

But hey, it’s LA.  So maybe she’ll get a “catch and release” parole.   Angelenos sure seem to like doing that with violent illegals.

(They said, “Hey Martin, I bet you can’t come up with 8 juvenile fish-related insults in a story on riots in a Democrat city.” And I said, “Hold my bourbon and watch this.”)

Two bits of good news can come out of this debacle.  First, the pro-illegal-immigrant Left is showing who they are (again!), and that belies nearly everything they’ve said about illegal immigration for the last several decades.  It’s hard to make the case that the vast majority of illegals love America and just want to assimilate and contribute when thousands of them are attacking American law enforcement, burning American flags, and flying the Mexican flag.    

Second, Trump has learned from his past mistakes.  In 2020 he allowed antifa and BLM leftist mobs – and a school of a-political scavenging looters swimming in their wake (bonus fish reference!) – to run roughshod in dozens of leftist cities around the country.  He didn’t call out the National Guard, maybe because he figured that if leftist mayors and governors were content to let their cities burn and would fight any help he tried to give, they could reap what they’ve sown. 

But Trump 2.0 means bidness.  He’s firing as many swamp creatures as he can, blasting away at Ivy League Jew-haters like a truckload of explosive de-groining pagers, and hammering the left with EOs like Sonny Corleone tuning up Carlo with that garbage-can lid.  (If you haven’t watched the Godfather frequently enough to get that reference, begone!)

And this time around, the TWA (Triumvirate of Whoop Ass) – Trump, Hegseth and Hulk Homan™ (plus their chick sidekick in too much makeup and a too-tight costume, Kristi Noem, God bless her) – are going to make the violent radicals WISH the worst thing they had to deal with was some Rooftop Koreans!

Let the mass arrests begin, and the mass deportations accelerate!

Hey, speaking of fish out of water (boom!), I’ve got to give the most unexpected shout-out ever to – prepare to deploy your smelling salts – the three leftist SCOTUS justices!  Each of them wrote a clear and logical (i.e. conservative) UNANIMOUS ruling last Thursday, and I couldn’t be more shocked if I’d been flipping through the channels and came across AOC cogently explaining the Theory of Relativity!

Kagan wrote Smith & Wesson vs. Mexico, finding that of course S&W can’t be held responsible for what violent scumbags do with their product, so mind your business – along with your cartels and fentanyl – Mexico! 

Sotomayor wrote Catholic Charities vs. Wisconsin, finding that of course you can’t discriminate against a religious charity just because you’re a Christophobic bigot.

And perhaps most surprising of all, Ketanji Jeanne-Pierre (HA!) wrote Ames v. Ohio Youth Services, finding that of course discrimination is unconstitutional, even if it’s “reverse” discrimination against whitey or straight people. 

I’m flabbergasted, and don’t know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt.  But just in case this is a sign of the End of Days – and how could it not be? – please get yourself right with Jesus, pronto!

Finally, going from the most unexpected story ever, to perhaps the most expected story ever, I give you the latest in the Joe Biden auto-pen controversy. 

Last week Biden refuted the contention that others had signed many official documents for him without his knowledge, due to his well-documented descent from low IQ hack to confused, to dementia-ridden, to full-blown, stage 4, cuckoo-fried-chicken status.

When his forthcoming statement was announced, many observers watched with bated breath, wondering whether his voice would be steady, his posture upright, and his delivery graceful.

Annnnddddd… he released a written statement instead.

Because obviously the best possible way to refute an accusation that you are too far gone to make a clear statement, so someone else had to produce writing on your behalf, is to…produce a statement written by someone else on your behalf.

Brilliant! 

How do I know for certain that Joe Biden didn’t write “his” statement? 

Because I am a professional student of the written word, with a mind like a steel trap and keen insight into all matters linguistic.

If you don’t believe me – and to quote St. Greta the Self-Righteous, “How dare you?!  You have stolen my dreams with your empty words!” – here is Biden’s laughably phony statement:   

“Let me be clear: I made the decisions during my presidency.  I made the decisions about the pardons, executive orders, legislation, and proclamations. Any suggestion that I didn’t is ridiculous and false.”

And now, here is how that statement would have appeared, IF Brandon had actually written it himself:

“Let me be Claire.  I made the incisions in my presh-dentsy.  I made declensions about pardons, execrable borders, luhsshlation and presti… prestidigi…  Come on man!  Any digestion that I didn’t is raddish and face.  I mean…rhombus and pulse.  You know, you know the thing.   Ummm… uhhh……………………………………………………… We finally beat Medicare.”

And, scene.

Hamas delenda est!

Three Biden Cover-Up Stories (posted 5/30/25)

Today I need to start by thanking you for all the very nice birthday wishes and funny, warm comments.  I love this online family that CO created, and for nine birthdays now, you all have made it much more fun to fight my creeping senescence.  I haven’t been this happy since I saw Ras Baraka open for Bob Marley at Reggae-Fest ’79!

Unless it was when I saw Creeping Senescence open for Metallica at the Rosemont Horizon in ’86.  I’ve still got a little tinnitus from that one.

Anyway, one of the pleasures of a road trip is being cut off from most of the news of the day, and I feel like I should enjoy that more often. But by the same token, one of the satisfactions of being back home is that you can catch up on what you missed when you were gone.  (And realizing how much you are happy to have missed!)  

I’ve been able to zip through 10 days’ worth of podcasts on high speed this week, and it sounds like some of the biggest stories were a trifecta of revelations about Joe Biden: the audio tapes of Hur’s Biden interview were released, Biden’s prostate cancer diagnosis was revealed, and Jake Tapper’s book came out, outlining the shocking discovery that Biden was out of his gourd for his entire presidency.

Unexpectedly!    

I’ve read a bunch of excerpts of the book and listened to Megyn Kelly’s solid interview of Tapper and his co-author, and it’s both fascinating and ridiculous.

The behind-the-scene details were the fascinating parts: Biden’s staff planned to put him in a wheelchair after he won re-election, but had to keep him tottering around in those waffle-stomper shoes until then.  During debate prep, ol’ Joe would just get up and wander out and sit by the pool.  He once waved around an ice cream cone to show Joe Scarborough the sword fighting moves he used to defeat Corn Pop in a duel.

Okay, I made that last one up.  But it was still believable, right?

Everything else about the book is ridiculous.  A bunch of professional politicians, media figures and “journalists” sat for interviews in which they beclowned themselves by either pretending that they had no idea that Biden was cuckoo fried chicken, or admitting that they gaslighted everyone about his dementia. 

Sam Harris, a famous atheist with an undeserved reputation for being super smart, managed to combine the worst of both gambits on a recent podcast. 

He started by playing dumb: “[Biden] clearly understands the issue as well as he ever did.  He’s just not a fluid speaker, and less and less fluid by the hour.  Right.  That is what I assumed was true.  Because of how effective this cover up was, I no longer believe that to have been true.  I think it’s quite possible that he was just checked out to a degree that I did not suspect at the time.” 

Got that?  Sherlock Harris is just now beginning to suspect what all of the millions of us PWFE (People With Functioning Eyes) knew in 2019, if not before. 

We assembled such data points as: shook hands with a ghost; mixed up his wife and sister; tripped over a sandbag; mangled the “all men are created equal” quote; tripped over a sandwich; went straight from hollering Grandpa Simpson to Creepy Whispering Guy; tripped over a grain of sand; pooped on the Pope. 

And we connected those dots. And they formed a flat line on an EEG.   Which Sam Harris could not decode.

But a few minutes later he gave the game away by admitting that he would prefer a diminished Biden if the alternative was Trump.  Or as the Breitbart headlined summed up his argument, “Harris: Would Rather Have Biden ‘In a Coma’ than ‘Evil’ Trump.”

Well, we got four years of Biden in a coma, and that was more than enough, Sammy.

The story of Biden’s metastatic prostate cancer diagnosis only adds more incriminating evidence to the Biden cover-up scandal.  At first the MSM tried to act like this was a surprising new development, but many cancer doctors almost immediately came forward to say that it takes at least 5 years – and more likely 7 to 10 – for slow-growing prostate cancer to spread to the bones.

Then some poor hack suggested that many men are no longer screened for prostate cancer after they turn 75, since they’re more likely to die of other causes before their prostate kills them.  So Biden probably wasn’t even aware he had it. 

Annnnddddd… then PWFBs (People With Functioning Brains) all pointed out that sure, maybe Gus, the retiree on the local HOA board, might not get PSA tests after 75.  But you know who Gus isn’t?

<engage Kinison filter> THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES AND THE LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD!! OH!! OHHHH!!!!  <end Kinison filter>       

Nobody is going to believe that Biden has had cancer since at least age 74, and that he “served” as “president” from age 78 to 82, and nobody on the White House medical staff knew it.  Especially after it came out that the most prominent side effects of the drug commonly used to treat prostate cancer are problems with balance/heightened risk of falling, and mental fogginess.  

(If you look up “heightened risk of falling” and “mental fogginess” in a dictionary, you’ll find Joe Biden’s picture beside both entries.)

Finally, where does Robert Hur go to get his reputation back?   After he interviewed Biden as part of the investigation of Biden’s illegally keeping classified documents, he got flak from all sides, because his conclusion – Biden was guilty, but a jury wouldn’t convict him because he was an elderly man with a bad memory – satisfied no one.

The GOP rightly said that if Biden was too mentally incompetent to stand trial, he was too mentally incompetent to be president.  But that logical point was drowned out in an epic Schiff-storm of Democrats and MSM empty heads screaming that Hur was dishonest, incompetent and corrupt.  

They said that it was gratuitous and unprofessional to even bring up Biden’s memory, ignoring what everybody knew: Biden had kept records that he never had any right to take, and he kept them in at least three different locations, one of which is a super-safe and secure location.  I.e. in a limp cardboard box partially closed with duct tape, beside a Corvette in an unlocked garage through which Hunter’s parades of hookers would regularly wobble, on precariously high heels.

So if Hur couldn’t give a reason why he wasn’t going to prosecute Brandon, he would have had to prosecute Brandon. 

But last week, after over a year of the Democrats smearing Hur, the recordings of the Biden interview were released, and they were even worse than Biden’s debate performance.  Among other revelations, it turns out that Biden DID forget when his son Beau died – a fact he repeatedly denied.

Biden had also ranted to the press about Hur bringing up Beau, barking, “Who the hell does he think he is?!”  But the tapes show that it was not Hur but Biden who brought up Beau, in a vain attempt to figure out when he had taken some of the documents.

In other words, it was a “they said/Hur said” situation, and they were lying.  (Unexpectedly!)

If the Republicans are smart, they will investigate and archive all the details of the outrageous, gaslighting coverup the Dems orchestrated.  Because when any Dems who were anywhere around Biden try to run in 2028, the ads will write themselves:

Cut from the Dem in question praising Biden (“Behind the scenes he’s sharp as a tack.  He’s the best Biden ever!”) to any random video of Biden slurring, falling up stairs, or losing his train of thought.  Then cut from a clip of that Dem attacking Hur’s report for lying that Biden is too old or has a bad memory, to a painful excerpt of his halting fumbling for an answer.

Then fade to black, and the Voice-Over tag line:

“They lied to you then.  They’re lying to you now.”         

Hamas delenda est!

On Lawfare, Rule of Law and SCOTUS, Part 2 (posted 5/8/25)

I appreciate the many thoughtful comments on the first part of my debate responses to my lefty friend.  Here’s the second (and final part), though I’ve got a few thoughts to post on Friday, asking what many of you asked yesterday: Have any lefty acquaintances of yours ever become conservatives, and if so, did debates with conservatives influence their decision?

“I hadn’t really thought about this until the last 6 or 7 years or so, but there is only one part of our entire federal government which has no explicit checks on it, and that is SCOTUS.   

The legislative checks the executive, by passing legislation and over-riding presidential vetoes.  The executive checks the legislative through the veto, and the president controls foreign policy and the executive branch (though dozens of partisan leftist judges have said that that’s over now, if they have their way). 

The judicial branch checks the legislative and executive branches, and appellate courts check district courts, and SCOTUS can check appellate courts.  But as it stands, there is no means by which anybody – not the legislative, the executive, or lower courts – can check SCOTUS.  It is the highest court, and by definition it dictates what “the rule of law” means, based solely on how it interprets the constitution.  

That was not always the case.  In fact, SCOTUS first introduced that idea (by inference from the constitution) giving themselves that power in 1803 (in Marbury v Madison), and since the executive and legislative didn’t object or stop them, that never-voted-on arrangement hardened into the law of the land.  

Theoretically, the legislative can check SCOTUS by passing constitutional amendments.  But since post-Marbury, SCOTUS is the final authority on the constitution, in reality, it could just declare that a recent, legitimately passed amendment is actually unconstitutional, thus nullifying it.  (That’s basically what SCOTUS does every time it overturns a precedent.)

But in the real world, we know that that’s not completely true.  Because if it were, any 5 SCOTUS judges would be de facto dictators over us all.  I’ll give you two quick examples to illustrate the concept through absurd analogies.  Say you’ve got a SCOTUS with 5 far-right justices, and they say that by proposing a unitary executive, the constitution meant that the president has all the powers of a dictator.  So Trump IS a dictator from this day forward, and can declare himself president for life, abolish the right of leftists to vote, etc.

(I know: that’s actually very close to what some on the far-left believe right now, in their TDS fever dreams!)

Or consider the opposite: a SCOTUS with 5 far-left judges declares that hidden in the “emanations and penumbras” of the constitution is the never-heretofore-detected entitlement of all Americans to a utopian socialist scheme of free food, shelter, health care and education from the cradle to the grave.   (That’s actually pretty much how we got abortion as a “constitutional right.”  The Warren court “discovered” a right to privacy in 1965 in Griswold, and then eight years later, the Burger court piggy-backed – citing only “emanations and penumbra” – on that ruling to “discover” a right to abortion in Roe that no Founder or American citizen had ever found in two centuries of reading the constitution.) 

And since those entitlements would require a quasi- or fully totalitarian government to declare farmers, construction workers, doctors etc. to be indentured servants, and coerce them into growing the crops, building the housing and giving the medical care that those new “entitlements” demand – which is what happened in every socialist/communist state to a greater or lesser degree – SCOTUS could declare that we are henceforth a communist country, and personal freedom has been abolished.

What those absurd examples tell us is that the only real check on SCOTUS’s power is the large-scale consent of the voters.  Because while SCOTUS has no theoretical checks on its power, it also has no enforcement mechanisms for its rulings.  The executive and legislative have police, courts and military power to enforce their laws on people, and they do so regularly.  SCOTUS has nothing, unless the executive and legislative voluntarily subject themselves to its rulings, and then force them on the people.

This has happened multiple times, the most famous being when Lincoln suspended habeas corpus for four years during the Civil War.  The Taney court said he couldn’t legally do that, and told him to stop it. And he said, “I’m a Republican president, and I’m going to defeat the Democrats and free their slaves, and I’m not going to let your rulings stop me, so suck it, Trebek.”  Or words to that effect.

The concept underlying this idea was probably best stated by Andrew Jackson, when he forced the movement of Indians on the Trail of Tears, despite the Marshall SCOTUS ruling that that action was unconstitutional.  Jackson allegedly (and it appears, likely apocryphally) said, “John Marshall has made his decision, now let him enforce it.”  Whether Jackson actually said that or not, those words did capture his attitude – and what actually happened – when nobody enforced the SCOTUS ruling, and the Indians got screwed. 

Many commentators on both sides regularly accuse presidents on the other side of blatantly defying the court.  Many conservatives and independents said that Obama’s DACA and DAPA actions, for example – unilaterally changing immigration law without legitimate legislation from congress – were blatantly unconstitutional.  And Obama agreed, admitting dozens of times in public that he couldn’t legally do that without action from congress…right up until he did it!  (I don’t like that guy!)  SCOTUS eventually allowed a 5th circuit ruling saying DACA and DAPA were both unconstitutional to stand – which again, Obama and everybody else knew had always been the case.

But Obama – and Biden after him, on all the examples I gave you in my last email – both defiantly said, “The constitution says X, but let somebody enforce it.”  In all those cases, SCOTUS eventually did slap them down, and they only then stopped defying the law.  But by then, they’d gotten what they’d wanted, and nobody was able to reverse their illegally gotten gains: Biden won the midterms (in part) by illegally pushing student debt transfer to the taxpayers, and he forced millions to take an experimental vaccine against their will, and he forced landlords to take losses and give free rent to tenants for 8 months before he belatedly stopped.  And over a decade since Obama knowingly defied the constitution to keep illegals here through DACA and DAPA, many millions of them are STILL here.

And like psycho kids who kill their parents and then ask for mercy from the court because they are now orphans (!), the Democrats are now insisting that the DACA and DAPA illegals must be allowed to stay, since they’ve been here so long, and have now established roots in America.  (That takes some balls!) 

Which brings us to today, and the hundred-plus legal actions against Trump, and the troubling possible outcomes of them.  The lefties are saying that every action that Trump takes is creating a “constitutional crisis.”  Conservatives and some independents are saying that the lawfare being waged against every presidential action is essentially giving 677 local judges the power to totally paralyze the executive branch – a result that has never happened before, and was never contemplated in the constitution – and is what’s causing a “constitutional crisis.”

I think there’s a chance that these will become self-fulfilling prophecies.  I’m hoping that SCOTUS rules correctly, and allows Trump to do what all presidents before him have done: control budget and personnel in the executive branch; enforce immigration and civil rights laws as written, etc. 

But if SCOTUS doesn’t do that, I think Trump – or most presidents, really – could possibly follow the examples of Lincoln and Andrew Jackson, and say, “Roberts has made his ruling, now let him enforce it.”  And then that would REALLY be a constitutional crisis. 

The reason I think that could happen is the crucial difference between now and the earlier examples: Trump would have the consent of the majority of the governed.   It’s true that Biden and Obama both eventually did submit to the SCOTUS rulings.  But they only violated the law in the first place because they knew that they couldn’t have gotten what they wanted legitimately, because the majority of the public was against what they wanted to do.  And they only belatedly submitted in the end because they’d gotten what they wanted, and because public outrage would have produced the crisis that their continuing lawlessness would have justly brought down on them.

Trump, on the other hand – and I know you hate his guts, and think he’s wrong about everything – is doing everything he ran on, and that the majority of the voters want.  (In fact, even though he’s always been a divisive figure personally – because of his tendency toward assholery! – achieving personal approval ratings of 50/50ish at best, his major campaign promises all received majority polling approval.) 

During the campaign, he clearly laid out the agenda that the dozens of leftist mini-president judges are now thwarting.  He said he would close the border and build a wall; deport the illegals, fight DEI, etc.

I’m not saying that popular approval means everything, and that the majority should get everything it wants.  (At one time, majorities in the south wanted slavery, majorities approved of mistreating Indians, and of FDR penning up Japanese Americans, etc.)

But I think the far left of the Democrat party – and their partisan judges – are effectively arguing that majority will means NOTHING, if it goes against their own political preferences.  The people may have voted to enforce the border, protect women, cut bureaucracy, and all the rest, but they can pound sand, because a few dozen local judges know better. 

And that’s NOT the way our system is supposed to work, or has ever worked!

It’s not about Trump, man!  It’s about us, and what we voted for.  (And by we, I don’t mean just conservatives, but also the independents who won him the election, and the higher number of blacks, Hispanics, married women, and young people than any Republican president has won in over 40 years!)  Those of us who loathed Biden – and those who gave him a chance, but quickly soured on his nasty, incompetent governing and obvious mental deficiencies – weren’t happy, but we didn’t riot for months like antifa and BLM, and we didn’t try to assassinate him.  Most of us thought the election had been rigged, but we couldn’t prove that it had been stolen, so that’s the way it goes.  He won a narrow victory, so he got to set the agenda, and we had to live to fight another day. 

Well, now it’s another day, and we played by the rules, and we won.  Convincingly, if narrowly in the popular vote.  But now we’re told that we can’t get what he ran on, because it makes the other side mad?   To quote Dr. Evil, “How about NO!” 

I think that defying the will of the majority of the people in that way is dangerous, and I think that what Schumer illegally threatened to do to judges who defied his will could eventually happen to the far left: they’re sowing the wind, and they might end up reaping the whirlwind. 

I REALLY don’t want that to happen, and because I’m fundamentally an optimist, I don’t think that it will.  But the Boasberg-types on the district courts are playing with fire.

To wrap up (finally! 😊), I think a healthy fear of the kinds of tensions I’ve just summarized is part of what underlies the conservative/originalist view of the constitution and SCOTUS: judges should be humble, and do their best to rule based on what the constitution says, regardless of their own political preferences.   (Thus conservative judges often vote against their own politics, as when Scalia upheld flag burning, even though he repeatedly said that he’d love to see it outlawed, etc.) 

The progressive judicial view, on the other hand, is “the living constitution” theory, which holds that since society is always evolving, SCOTUS should be willing to change our laws to reflect that evolution.  (Sarcastic jerks like me call this the “just make shit up” approach. 😊) And they don’t mean to do that through constitutional amendments, the way the mostly conservative, genius Founders set things up – which is very difficult to do, b/c it involves that pesky “respecting democracy” stuff — but through fiat, by the diktat of 5 legislators in robes.

Two quick examples of that: Before Roe, the entire nation was working through the issue of abortion on a traditional, consent-of-the-governed, federalist basis: conservative states were passing laws to make abortions harder to get, and liberal ones were making them easier.  But then SCOTUS stepped in and short-circuited the democratic process, and dictated a poorly reasoned and controversial new “law of the land,” forcing it down on all 50 states.

The Obergefell decision in 2015 did the same thing with gay marriage.  Laws on that issue were being proposed, debated and voted on in many states. (And, infuriatingly to progressives, usually being voted down, even in deep-blue CA.)  Then SCOTUS stepped in, “discovered” that the Founders and the constitution had always wanted gay marriage everywhere, and forced that decision on all 50 states. 

Interestingly, I think the intervening years have proven that even though both of those decisions were arrived at in an unconstitutional and wrong way, one of them has the democratic approval of the voters, and the other does not.  Obergefell is the former: society was evolving toward more tolerance of gay marriage, and many if not most states would likely have approved it by now anyway.

(In fact, even in 2015, a reasonable, democratic compromise was being worked out.  “Civil union” laws were being passed that stopped discrimination against gays in relationships – not recognizing their marital rights in divorce or inheritance, or their right to ‘next of kin/spousal privileges’ in health care situations, etc. – without coercing the majority into calling that “marriage,” when marriage had never meant that before.  That seems like a reasonable, compassionate way to work out some differences without screwing with people you disagree with.  And it was interrupted by an arrogant court who acted like a legislature – a fundamental breach of our Founding and constitutional law – and created a new law.)

How do I know that Obergefell has democratic approval, despite the legally illegitimate way it was forced on us?  Because even though it’s only 10 years old, and many millions of Americans still don’t accept the validity of calling gay unions “marriage,” there have been no serious challenges or widespread social unrest over it.  The country has accepted it and moved on.

The Roe court did the same thing – legislating from the bench in a way that invalidated the many state legislative debates about abortion that were going on, and dictating to the entire nation by making up a new, foundational law that had never existed before.  But the reaction was the opposite of that to Obergefell: that law was fought over and challenged constantly for 50 years, with no signs of passions diminishing.  Every January, millions of Americans protested in frigid temps in DC in the March for Life, which mourned the anniversary of the Roe decision.  And finally, after half a century, a quasi-originalist/conservative court undid the Roe mistake (IMHO), in Dobbs.

I know that most progressives are still outraged because they think that Dobbs “banned abortion.”  But of course it did nothing of the sort!  It just sent abortion back to the states, where it belonged.  And the enthusiasm for abortion rights in most blue states has given Dems a lot of electoral victories over the GOP in the last 3 years, and by some counts, there are more abortions happening now that there were before Dobbs.  (Which I find depressing, as democratic outcomes often are.)

The result of Dobbs can best be summarized in a political cartoon I saw in its aftermath: an  angry pro-choice crowd is confronting the SCOTUS justices.  Their screams are in a speech bubble: “5 judges should not be allowed to dictate abortion law!”  And a thought bubble over the 5 quasi-originalist judges says, “That’s exactly what we just said!” 

So I think Dobbs resulted in a just outcome: conservative states in which voters believe that abortion after viability – or 15 weeks, or 6 weeks, or whatever the voters decide – is infanticide-adjacent have banned later term abortions, with the big 3 exceptions.  Progressive states, in which voters believe that a baby is part of the mother’s body rather than a separate entity, or at least that a mother’s choice supersedes those of a fetus/zygote/tissue mass/baby (?), have passed laws that allow abortion – in 9 states plus DC, right up until the moment of birth!  (I almost can’t believe that that is true, but in AK, OR, CO, NM, MN, MI, MD, NJ and VT, if a doctor can get a scalpel into a baby’s skull before it crowns out of the birth canal, that killing is totally legal!)

As a conservative, and a sinful, flawed follower of Uncle Jesus, I appreciate our federalist system, which allows me to not violate my conscience on this issue.  I am free to (and will) never live in a blue state that would force me to tolerate (and pay for) abortions after viability, which I believe is murder. 

Similarly, progressives are free to never live in a red state governed by laws passed by troglodyte, evil, patriarchal fascists like me (in their view 😊) who would prevent them from aborting their babies at will.

In this fallen world, I think that is the best possible outcome we’re likely to ever get.  Especially when the alternative is to allow arrogant judges to force everyone to violate their consciences based on those judges’ whims, and/or whoever controls the White House and congress on any given day.” 

Tim Walz Thinks He Can Talk to Regular Guys, & a Greek Lady Blows Herself Up (Posted 5/5/25)

I’ve got a hodge podge of stories for you this Monday, starting with the results from Friday’s semi-final round of the April Moron of the Month competition.  This vote was the closest so far, with Chris Van Halen edging out the broke baristas and Grandma Squanto to move on from the southern division.

So the competition has come down to four finalists, in reverse chronological order: 

Chris Van Hollen in his role as a dim-witted Juliet with a school-girl crush on brooding, gang-banging wife-beater Kilmar “Romeo” Garcia

Michelle Obama for her performance as a narcissist, and also a bitter, angry, black woman upset by the stereotype of black women as angry and bitter  

Elie Mystal, a racist, public “intellectual” who apparently thinks the constitution was written after 1965, and

Jasmine “Lashes” Crockett, another thick-as-a-whale-omelette racist who thought she was taking the moral high ground by arguing that we should allow illegals to stay here because… wait for it… we need them to be our slaves! 

If you need to refresh your memory on the finalists, you can see their nominating write-ups in four of my April columns, available at Martinsimpsonwriting.com.  Get your votes in this week, and I’ll announce the winner on Friday.  

Among the many worthy contestants I could have written about as April MOM contestants was former VP candidate Tim Walz, who recently gave a speech at Harvard (because of course he did) that touched on why Que Mala chose him as her VP pick. 

You’ve all heard his explanation: “I could code talk to white guys watching football, fixing their truck, doing that, that I could put them at ease.  I was the permission structure to say, ‘Look, you can… vote for this.”

Or maybe we can’t.

I don’t claim to be King of the White Guys with pickup trucks who like football – though I am a member of the Ruling Council – but phony phrases like “code talking” are just the kind of idiotic language that we laugh at during our Council meetings. 

The word “code” implies some mysterious language, shared by a small in-group that is opaque to the larger world.  It calls to mind secret writing in invisible ink, Enigma machines, or Navajo code-talkers who outfoxed our enemies in WWII by using their obscure dialect that no outsiders could understand.

But men are almost half of the population, and we’re not particularly mysterious.  A thousand hack comics have done a thousand cliched bits about the limited set of interests – in addition to the aforementioned football and pickup trucks – that most men have: ancient Rome, World War II, action movies, women with a .7 waist-to-hip ratio and who like men, and 2-3 items from the following list: fishing, hunting, MMA, booze, cigars, and guns. 

Even when it comes to politics, we’re pretty predictable.  Give us lower taxes, law and order, free speech, merit-based rules, men kept out of women’s sports and spaces, and the right to shoot criminals who try to victimize us, and we’re good. 

Did you notice some of the stuff NOT on that list?

Jazz hands, crazy wives, tampons in men’s bathrooms, struggling to load a shotgun as if you’d never seen a shotgun before, and abandoning your National Guard unit right before you’re supposed to deploy with them to a war zone.  

Oh, and you know what NO pick-up driving, football-watching white guy would EVER seek from a theatre-kid, Temu Midwestern guy weirdo in a million years? 

“Permission” to vote the way we want to.

Which leaves only one thing we agree with Tim Walz about: he’s a knucklehead.

From Greece comes a new entry in the “Stupid Criminals” category:  

I have not kept up on a lot of current events in Greece, but apparently they’ve got a problem with crime, just like everywhere else.  Some of that problem comes from radical leftist groups who think that using violence to achieve their political ends is justified. 

Unexpectedly!

One such group calling itself Revolutionary Class Struggle – I hereby subtract 10 points for lack of originality – has recently decided to start bombing public buildings such as train stations.  One of their suspected members, a 38-year-old woman with a criminal record, carried out another bombing last Saturday morning.  

Her target was a bank building’s ATM.  She was apparently a firm believer in the old Greek saying, “Αν θέλετε κάτι να γίνει σωστά, κάντε το μόνοι σας.”  (“If you want something done right, do it yourself.”)

Because she took the bomb to the bank herself.  Unfortunately for her, just when she got to the site, she experienced the heartbreak of premature detonation.  She was carrying the bomb in her hands when it went off, and was so badly wounded that she was rushed to a nearby ancient amphitheater, where she died dramatically on stage.

Just kidding.  She was taken to a hospital and died there.  

No security video from the ATM has been released, but I’m guessing it sounded something like this:

“iii laos, enomenos, den mporei pote na ittithei – mpoum!”

Translation: “The people, united, can never be defeat—Boom!”

Followed by: “och!  ta car mou!  metaniono amesos gia tis apophases mou!”

Translation: “Ouch!  My hands!  I immediately regret my decisions!”

You may be wondering, “Martin, do you think your old Greek professor would be proud of you using English-to-Greek translation software to make fun of a leftist Greek terrorist getting blown up by her own bomb, instead of translating Aristotle, or the New Testament?”

Fine.  You got me.  I’m a complicated man, and though I love Greek philosophy and the New Testament, I’m also not above enjoying a little Three-Stooges-style illustration of the “you reap what you sow” verses.   

Especially when it comes at the expense of a would-be terrorist who apparently knew as little about bombs as Tim Walz knows about shotguns.

And just like the citizens of California, and New York, and Illinois, and other blue states and cities all over the world, that Greek gal learned a valuable, universal lesson: leftist plans tend to blow up in your face!

Okay, that’s it for my Monday column. 

Over the next several days, I’m going to post a few columns that are unusual for me.  I’ve been corresponding with several lefty friends, and one of them challenged me on the question of rule of law, and what I think of Trump’s defying SCOTUS in getting Kilmar back from El Salvador.  I gave him my thoughts, but also pointed out the many ways that Biden (and Obama) have defied the rule of law and the courts.

I then got to thinking about the nature of SCOTUS, and the ways in which its past and recent actions could potentially lead to an actual “constitutional crisis” – unlike the faux ones that the left imagines every time Trump does something they don’t like.

The result is several columns’ worth of my more-sober-than-usual thoughts on the courts.  I’ll be interested in seeing what many in CO nation think of those, and especially what any lawyers here may add, in terms of corrections and explanations…

Hamas delenda est!

The Final April Moron of the Month Nominees (posted 5/2/25)

Now that May is here, it’s time to complete the April Moron of the Month nominations.  For this final round, we have three nominees from the southern division.  Next week I’ll put the four “winners” from all divisions up to a full vote of CO Nation.

Our first nominee today arose during the raging debate about whether Trump should be allowed to do what all presidents before him were allowed to do – i.e. deport people who came here illegally.  In their zeal to jump on a political grenade, and thus cling like grim death to the 5% side of a 95-5 political issue, the Dems scoured the countryside to find what I’ve called “a self-detonating hero.”

First they picked Mahmoud Khalil, the pro-Hamas activist at Columbia.  But since he was here on a student visa, he wasn’t a good pawn for the Dems who were trying to scare Americans that American citizens could be deported next.  So they went looking for an innocent, sympathetic American citizen whom Trump’s Gestapo illegally deported…annnnnndddd… they couldn’t find one. 

Because they’re lying, and Trump isn’t deporting squeaky clean seminarians who are also American citizens. 

So they eventually landed on Kilmar Abrego Garcia and said, “Close enough.  He’s married to an American citizen and has a couple of citizen kids, so we’ll call him a ‘Maryland father’ and lean in on the pathos.”

This struck many elected Dems as a great idea, and one of them elbowed his way to the front of that low-IQ pack.  This man, and today’s first nominee, is Senator Chris Van Hollen, a man so bland that even a political junkie like me could not have recognized his face or his name a month ago.  (And I remember that Senator Flat-Top from Montana who just lost was named Jon Tester.)

If you had put a gun to my head in March and said, “Tell me who Chris Van Hollen is or I’ll blow your head off!” I would have immediately started flop-sweating and guessing. 

“Um, the black guy who’s reasonable about 10% of the time?” (No, that’s Van Jones.)

“Uh, the great Irish singer?” (That’s Van Morrison.)

“Okay… that space thing?” (You mean the Van Allen Belt?)

“The classical pianist?” (That’s Van Cliburn.)

“Just shoot me already!”

And, scene.

Anyway, this mediocre man took one look at Kilmar the tattooed wife beater (allegedly) (but c’mon!), and saw his big chance.  He ran in front of the cameras and began to pontificate.  “Donald Trump’s midnight kidnapping and subsequent illegal deportation of my constituent Kilmar cannot be allowed to stand!  I am going to go to El Salvador myself, and demand to see him!”

And the reporters all looked at each other.  Then one said, “And you are?”

And Van Hollen drew himself up to his full height – probably 5’5”, though I haven’t checked – and said, “Senator Chris Van Hollen!”

After a long moment of blank stares, one reporter pointed to him and said, “Ooh!  Were you the drummer, when Eddie was shredding on the guitar and Roth was the front man?!”

“Um, no.  That was Alex Van Halen.  I’m Chris Van Hollen.”

And the reporters gave a disappointed groan.  “Awwww.”

But they soon realized that they might be able to use what’s-his-name to hurt Trump, if it turned out that Kilmar had been tortured in El Salvador.  So they encouraged his delusions of relevance, and followed him south. 

You know the rest.  Van Hollen flew to El Salvador, bloviated for the cameras, and eventually got to go on a dream date with everyone’s favorite Maryland man.  

They stared deep into each other’s eyes, while Van Hollen stroked Kilmar’s hand — although that may have been to try to cover up the gang tattoos – while Kilmar whispered in a throaty Spanish accent, “My turn-ons are long walks on the beach, giving my wife a pop when she gets a little mouthy, and human trafficking.  My turn-offs are the rule of law and Hulk Homan™.”

It was a PR disaster.  (Unexpectedly!)

Within two weeks, Van Hollen went from total unknown, to vaguely recognizable opportunist, to political poison.  When several elected Dems with ten-cent heads followed in his footsteps and flew to El Salvador a few days later, the party leaders had a fit.  Hakeem Jeffries had to make a humiliating public statement: No more going to El Salvador, you morons.  

Our second nominee is an old favorite: the Pale Pawnee, the Translucent Tonkawa, the Land o’ Lakes Butter Maiden come to life… Grandma Squanto Warren!  (#wemustneverstopmockingher)

She might have qualified based on one tweet alone, from April 21st.  She was responding to Trump’s announcement that student loan repayment was going to re-start, after 5 years of using covid as an excuse for embracing dead-beat borrower status. 

This was one of Trump’s most popular actions, and a smart politician would have kept her powder dry on this one.  Or I guess in her case, her arrows quivered?

But not “Ghost Dances with Entitlement.”  She fired off this tweet: “This decision is all about punishing student loan borrowers.  Instead of lowering costs, Trump wants to take money out of your grandma’s Social Security check.”

What can you even say about that?  Other than, “Shameless!” and “Feh!”  Insisting that borrowers pay what they owe is “punishing them?”  And why drag grandma and her social security check into this?

But that wasn’t Warren’s low-light of the month.  Because that came in the podcast interview she did with a guy named Sam Fragoso — and if you haven’t seen it, you should. 

Fragoso comes across as a non-threatening presence – he’s got the vibe of somebody who might be halfway through a transition, and I’m not sure which direction he’s going in.  But he has enough integrity to at least push back when Warren is obviously lying.

The topic was Biden’s mental condition, and when Fragoso asked if she regretted saying that “Biden had a mental acuity” and “a sharpness to him,” Lizzie tried.  After an awkward pause, she said, “I said what I believed to be true.”

When Fragoso gently followed up, “Do you think he was as sharp as you?” it caught her by surprise.  She let the mask slip for a moment, and almost laughed at that absurd idea, before salvaging a careful, “I…said that… I had not seen a decline.”

A few seconds later, she gave it the old war-path try: “The thing is… he… Look. He was sharp, he was on his feet, I saw him, live event—”

Fragoso once again showed more integrity than the MSM hacks she is used to dealing with, because he interrupted her with a little sarcasm: “Senator, ‘on his feet’ is not praise!  He can speak in sentences is not praise.”

And Liz visibly crumbled, shaking her head and grimacing guiltily.  “All right.  Fair enough, fair enough.” 

Her surrender couldn’t have been more clear if she had recited the last lines of her ancestor, Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce’s famous surrender speech: “Hear me, my chiefs; my heart is sick and sad.  From where the sun now stands, I will fight no more forever.”

Of course, she’s a phony politician, and her interviewer is sympathetic to the leftist cause.  So when she followed with the lamest rhetorical escape attempt – saying, “The question is… what are we going to do now?” Fragoso said okay, and let her move on to talking about how the Dems are going to resist Trump. 

But for that brief, shining moment, she looked as dumb as she had when she proudly announced that her DNA test proved that she was Native American

.0000023 % Native American!

My final nominee is a departure, in that it is not an individual, but a group: the baristas who work at a small, upscale chain of Minnesota coffee shops called Café Ceres. 

Last fall, the coffee-slingers at all four locations voted to unionize, and then started a six-month negotiation.  Though they ended up earning in the range of $25-30 an hour with tips, plus 80% coverage of their insurance premiums, that was not enough.  They also demanded “a role in managing the business” including deciding where the chain sourced its milk, and the right to wear pro-Hamas pins at work. 

Annnnddddd…the owners said screw it, and closed the business.  (Unexpectedly!)

To which the only reasonable response is one firm blast from the sad trombone (Wah, wahhhh!), followed by a chorus of, “Ha! HA! HA HA!  HA HA HA!”

The denouement of this episode of “FAFO Comes to Breakfast” was a hilariously tone-deaf and delusional press release from the entitled workers, after they discovered that the real minimum wage is zero:

“We bargained with the company for 6 months, fighting them each step of the way to include immigration protections, fair wages, healthcare, and to secure DEI values…. We’re devastated…. We’re now faced with the harsh reality of finding new work and making last minute plans to stay secure.” 

You mean that your employer wasn’t eager to put up with your stupid DEI values, just for the privilege of trying to manage a group of surly employees who “fight them every step of the way?”   The hell you say!

They’ve got one thing right, though: they are now facing harsh reality. 

And if they can actually look in a mirror, and learn from this experience – throwing the pro-Hamas pin in the trash would also be a good move – it might not be too late for some of them to avoid that particular circle of Dante’s Inferno that they had been heading for.

I’m speaking, of course, of the Circle of the Bitter, Entitled, Leftist Cat Ladies.

Because as their former employers and boyfriends who dodged that bullet warn anyone willing to listen, “Abandon all hope, ye who enter there!”

Okay CO nation, place your votes…

…and Hamas delenda est!

My Report Card on Trump’s First 100 Days (posted 4/30/25)

Though I got too busy to respond to the comments on Monday’s column, it’s clear that Michelle Obama has advanced out of the semi-finals in the Moron of the Month competition.  And let me thank you all for your votes, and your kind comments.

However, when I mentioned that I am not going to succumb to the requests to post nude selfies on my website in a desperate attempt to boost my subscriber count, some of you – a hurtful number, to be honest – insisted that you wouldn’t want that anyway.

Jennifer England Land was typical, posting, “Here for the words not the nudes.”

Nice try, Jennifer, but I know all about reverse psychology, and I’m not going to fall for your sneaky ploy.  I’ve spoken with your husband, and we both agree that you need to take a cold shower and focus on the political humor. 

Now if I can just repeatedly snap my fingers and remind everyone in CO nation that my eyes are up here, I’ll continue with my report card on Trump’s First 100 Days.   

To celebrate the fact that the Cubs have not yet been mathematically eliminated from this year’s playoff race, I’m going to say that I think Trump is batting around .750 right now, which is the best since Reagan by a long shot, and roughly .749 better than Biden.   

(It’s hard to assess a comparable batting average for Reagan, because the political game was so different in the 1980s.  We weren’t the brokest nation in history, owing $36 trillion; there were only two genders, and a “tranny” was in your car, rather than in a library reading books to toddlers; and the national Democrats hadn’t completely taken leave of their senses.) 

I’ll break down the good Trump and the bad Trump, starting with the bad, in the spirit of following a little medicine with a whole lot of sugar.  If any of you are always-Trumpers, you might want to skip the next few paragraphs.  Or better yet, you might want to read them, and get some constructive criticism from an ally who really wants to see him succeed.  

I think that Trump has only made three wrong moves of any consequence so far.  The most important is his flawed tariff roll-out, because it has potentially the biggest impact, since perceptions of the economy tend to bleed over into overall perceptions of an administration.

In the past Trump has used the element of surprise to his benefit before, especially in a military context.   “Is he going to take out Soleimani, or the top guy in Iran, or Putin?  Who knows?  But maybe.  So they better mind their business.”  But economic unpredictability doesn’t work as well, and needlessly screws with the kind of free-market investors and businesses whose lives conservatives should be making easier rather than harder.  

It’s unsettling that Trump seems to regard trade deficits and non-reciprocal tariffs as equivalent –they aren’t – and that he has unnecessarily treated our allies as harshly as he has our enemies, by hitting everyone with tariffs, including those who have little or no tariffs against us.

Having said all that, I think he’ll adjust course, and we’ll end up with at least marginally better deals with almost all nations within a year or so.  But when we need to get so much done in a very short time, our speed and efficiency is hampered, and everything is made harder when markets are roiled and the public is more sour about the overall economy than they had to be.

I think his second mistake was his handling of Ukraine, though I see that as a quasi-push.  He’s way better than Biden, and we needed to put Zelensky in time out and stop shoveling mountains of cash into Ukraine with no accountability.  But saying that Ukraine started the war is a lie, and a dumb one. 

Zelensky has a lot of flaws, and the Ukraine is corrupt and flawed too.  But Putin is an evil, mass-murdering KGB thug, and he started the war.  Going softer on him than you do on Ukraine hurts the chances for peace.  And going from promising, “I’ll end the war on day 1,” to “If Putin doesn’t come to the table, we’re walking,” is not a good look – and it’s what Putin wants anyway!

Trump’s third mistake is a result of his first: he contributed to the election loss of the solid conservative Pierre Poilievre in the Canadian election on Monday.  I’ve seen some conservatives blast claims that Trump is responsible, but they are only partially right.  Ultimately, of course, Canadian voters are to blame if they reject a good conservative for a lousy leftist one.

But several months ago, Poilievre was up by 20 in the polls, and an almost certain winner.  Trudeau and the liberals had been in power for 10 years, and had produced terrible results.  (Unexpectedly!) Trump or no Trump, the liberals’ chances of victory were improved by Trudeau’s resignation, and the fact that Mark Carney came in and did the two things most likely to produce a leftist victory: he reversed an unpopular leftist policy (axing a “green” gas tax) and shamelessly lied about his agenda.

But it wasn’t just Trump’s tariff battle that hurt Poilievre; his bluster about making another country our 51st state would arouse a sense of patriotism and resentment in the citizens of any nation, and it did here.

I love having Milei in Argentina and Bukele in El Salvador, and it would have been great to have a third strong conservative running a country in this hemisphere, especially in the closest country to us, geographically and financially.   And while this will hurt Canada worse than us, it’s still a senselessly missed opportunity. 

Okay, assuming the always-Trump contingent of CO nation has restrained themselves from burning me in effigy… I don’t just LIKE everything else Trump has been doing – I LOVE it!

Closing the border and deporting Biden’s 10 million illegals was the most serious challenge facing him, and Trump has been knocking both of those out of the park.  Hulk Homan™ is a superhero, and Stephen Miller is a dead-eyed killer of would-be troll journalists.  And the Democrats are earning their record low ratings by spooning with the worst tattooed gangbanging thugs they can find. 

Government waste and corruption had come to seem like an inevitable fact of life, but DOGE is making great progress, and will hopefully continue to apply to it the most powerful antidote of all: public exposure.

As an academic, I’ve been tortured for years by the blatant bias and arrogance of the smug left that has dominated our universities since before I was born.  But in just a few short months, Trump has fired volley after volley at the Ivory Towers, and now he is rolling the most ominous of his siege engines into place: federal dollars and the tax exemptions without which the anti-Semitic and anti-American narcissists inside cannot hold out for long!

Trump’s biggest weakness in his first term was inexperience, especially when it came to picking good personnel, and understanding how deeply embedded the human ticks of the deep state were in every government agency.  Now he knows so much more about both, and has upped his game immeasurably.

Just about every cabinet member and appointee has been a clear improvement over those in his first term, and he’s made innovative use of the weapons that the Dems left for him.  Rather than having to create something like DOGE from scratch, he repurposed Obama’s “Department of Governmental Efficiency.”  What had been a lie and distraction in Obama’s hands is now a battle axe in Trump’s, and he’s been cleaving dead weight from the bureaucracy like Arnold in a Conan movie.  

He similarly repurposed Biden’s CBP One app, which was formerly used to facilitate illegal entry into our country, and is now being used to warn and encourage those illegals to self-deport.  He also transformed the forgotten Roosevelt Reservation – a narrow strip of land along our southern border from the Pacific to Texas, established by TR in 1907 – into a “national defense area.”   This had two fantastic effects: it allowed the use of our military to supplement civilian border control forces, and it added enhanced criminal penalties for those who cross it illegally.    

The good news is coming in so many areas that it’s hard to keep up with.  Bobby Kennedy’s MAHA is off to a good start; the pulling back on counter-productive solar and wind farms and the ramping up of oil, natural gas, nuclear power and even cleaner coal is all great.  Getting rid of DEI and corrupt NGOs won’t just save us money, it will prevent the damage that that money was doing. 

On so many fronts, the “FA” phase is over, and the glorious “FO” phase has begun!

I’m still frustrated by how many delays are being caused by the illegitimate lawfare going on all over the country. But as the Dems and their arrogant, far-left judges keep going farther and farther, they are (hopefully!) only speeding up the day when a maddeningly reluctant SCOTUS is forced to move.  And since I’m an optimist, I have to believe that we’re going to win most of the battles ahead of us: the president has to be the one in charge of the executive branch, and the supremacy clause has to mean that federal enforcement is going to trump illegal sanctuary city efforts, and civil rights and Title IX rules have to trump the Jew haters on campus and women haters in women’s sports and spaces.

During the 47 years of the Biden administration, I constantly had to limit my exposure to current events, because it was so depressing to see the damage the left was doing to my country.  But now I can’t wait to get to the computer in the morning, and start scrolling through the mostly good news of the day, and good omens for the future.

Because I really do expect that as we head into mid-summer or so, the good news stories are going to start cascading.  The first trade deals are going to start to be signed, which will settle and then encourage the markets.  New manufacturing will either ramp up or start – chip-making in AZ, car-making in IN, power plants to replace failing solar and wind and to meet demand everywhere.

The court rulings are also going to start to come out, and those should have an excellent snowball effect.  There are probably a dozen TROs stopping Trump from cutting spending and firing unnecessary employees in multiple executive departments, and another dozen saying he can’t withhold federal funds to enforce federal laws, and many dozens saying he can’t deport illegals without years-long trials-of-the-century for each illegal.   If and when SCOTUS finally rules correctly on one case in each area, each precedent will cause many lawfare dominoes to tumble. 

The principle of “pour encourager les autres” – for the encouragement of others – will magnify each win, and create more momentum.  The two radical judges now facing charges after committing pro-illegal felonies, the various morons who have gotten caught vandalizing Teslas, the jihadi-enthusiasts on student visas who have now been kicked out – all of those are cautionary tales to all but the dumbest of the troublemakers.

Perhaps most importantly, when millions of illegals see the NGOs and sanctuary programs that used to support them ramping down, and ICE ramping up, and their countrymen getting caught and deported, they’ll start to self-deport. 

If we can settle some of the tariff uncertainty and continue the progress in so many areas, I think that although our House and Senate majorities are very thin, there’s even a decent chance we can avoid the historic pattern of a president losing the House and/or Senate in the midterms! 

If all of that happens, plus our wandering CO returns to us, our future will be bright indeed!

I leave you with two last thoughts:

No means no, Jennifer.

…and…

Hamas delenda est!

“Self-Detonating Heroes” are Plaguing the Dems (posted 4/21/25)

I hope everybody had a great Easter, or Passover, or regular spring weekend.

My theme today is the addition of a new category of stories for this and future columns: The “Democrats’ Backing the Wrong Horse” stories.  In some of these, the elite left chooses as “villains” those who are later vindicated or otherwise come out on top.  Examples would include Kyle Rittenhouse, Daniel Penny and the Covington school kids, as well as Trump himself, who overcame lawfare, the Russian hoax and two assassination attempts to win a second non-consecutive term.

But there’s another sub-category that is on my mind today – probably because I’ve spent much of this last week contemplating an actual Sinless Victim (He is risen! Best. Happy. Ending. Ever!) – and that’s the faux victim.  I’m calling these guys the Democrats’ “Self-Detonating Heroes.”  

These are typically chosen for their credentials as righteous sufferers at the hands of the left’s preferred bad guys (cops, conservatives, white people, Americans, etc.), and their stories usually fit the pattern known in journalism as “too good to check.” 

You’ll recognize the common tropes: honor student gunned down by cops for no reason.  Palestinian social worker blown up by genocidal IDF for no reason.  Peaceful protestor arrested for no reason.  Noble immigrant deported for no reason.

A very small number of these stories are valid, but those are the rare exceptions.  When most people hear the initial report, they’ve learned to start an internal countdown to the moment when the story blows up.

The honor student shot by cops… (3…2…1…)… had gotten out of jail (again!) 14 hours ago, was driving a stolen car, and fired at cops with a stolen gun.

The “Palestinian social worker”… (3…2…1…)…was a Hamas member who had murdered several Jewish hippie girls at a music festival, and was wearing a suicide vest.

The “peaceful protestor” … (3…2…1…) … recorded himself setting fire to a police station.

The “noble immigrant” … (3…2…1…) … had been deported twice before and was carrying a duffel bag full of fentanyl and burner phones.

The beauty of these stories is watching the whole rotten scheme blow up in the Dems’ faces, over and over again, without them learning the lesson.  No matter how unlikely the tale, and how often similar tales have left them with gunpowder-blackened faces and burnt-off eyebrows before, they take the bait again.

“Hey, a disgruntled black activist at a super-liberal university says someone spray painted the N word on her dorm room door?  Stop the presses!   Or refresh the website, or whatever.”

Annndddd… she sprayed the slur on her own door.

“Wow, some rednecks hung a noose on a black NASCAR driver’s garage?  Swarm!”

Annnddd… it’s a looped rope used to pull down a garage door.

“Listen to this: some evil nerd hacked into Joy Reid’s computer and posted a bunch of homophobic slurs to frame her!  Alert the FBI!”

Annnddd… Joy Reid posted a bunch of homophobic slurs, because she’s an evil, lying moron.

Perhaps the archetypal example of a leftist Self-Detonating Hero story is happening right now, and stars “Maryland father” Kilmar Abrego Garcia.

As usual, the Dems should have had their heads on a swivel with this guy.  But once again the bait was too tempting, and when the Trump administration admitted that he’d been “wrongly deported” to the Salvadoran Super Max prison, the left was all over the story like white on Liz Warren. 

(#wemustneverstopmockingher)

The first red flag should have been Kilmar’s name.  There’s an old Latin phrase – “nomen est omen” – which roughly means that a name can be a sign.  (Famous examples abound, e.g.  once you’ve heard “Anthony Weiner” and “Charles Blow” you know everything you need to know about those dudes.)

Sound out “Kilmar” and you’ve got “kill” and “mar” (meaning “to spoil, harm or injure something or someone.”)  So, yeah.  His best friends were probably “Stab-lacerate Gonzalez” and “Punch-injure Herrera.”

If I didn’t know any better, I’d suspect that some devious spy in Trump-world must have searched the records of thousands of illegal gangbangers, and then chose Kilmar as their trap for the Dems.  They looked over his bio, and then hustled him onto the plane to El Salvador, then disregarded President Boasberg’s direct order to turn the plane around.  They did all this knowing the left’s penchant for a sympathetic, underdog David figure, especially when he’s facing off against the orange Goliath!  

So the Dems ran to the cameras and bet big on their new Salvadoran thoroughbred.  “Kilmar is a loving husband to an American citizen, and a father to two American kids, and probably a devout Catholic, as far as you know.  And sure, he’s got a couple of tattoos, but one of them is probably Christ on the cross (it’s very blurry in pictures, so we’re not 100% sure about that).  And he had a judge’s order that he NOT be deported!”

“Ooh, look, his broken-hearted wife is stepping up to the microphone.  Listen as she speaks in a wavering voice about the saintly man whom the Trumpian stormtroopers kidnapped off the street and then sent to Auschwitz II, trampling all of the constitutional rights that he definitely has as practically an almost American citizen!  Oh, now she’s crying!  Are you proud of yourselves, conservative bullies who ripped this loving family man away from his family?  He has kids.  American citizen kids!  Won’t somebody think of the children?!”

And then the Mar-a-Lago Mata Hari (old timey spy reference for $100, Alex) began to release successive tranches of details about Kilmar… 

And now, I will put on my conical, purple wizard hat and magically take you into the conference room where the Democrat brain trust was gathered to discuss strategy in the middle of last week.  I’ll keep their identities secret, and refer to them only as Democrat Operatives (DO) 1-6.

DO 1: This is going great!  The walls are closing in on Trump now!  American voters are suckers for a clean-cut immigrant like Kilmar.  By the way, get somebody at MSNBC to double-check his name.  All of those Hispanics have a crazy long chain of names, and a lot of them have a “Jesus” somewhere in there. 

DO 2: Ooh, that would be great!  We could put the word out that all of our reporters should start calling him “Jesus” between now and Easter.  The Catholics would eat that stuff up!

DO 1: Good idea.  And somebody line up some soft-focus photo shoots and interviews with his American wife and kids.    

DO 3: I don’t know, Hakeem.  I’ve heard a story that he had some suspected gang affiliations in the past.  Maybe we shouldn’t over-play our hand on this.

DO 1: Come on.  “Suspected” means nothing. Just more anti-Hispanic racism from the right-wing fascists.  I mean, he hasn’t had any due process at all!  I’m sure that if they had any evidence, they would have put it before a court and-  (He sees DO 4 with his hand up.)  What?

DO 4: Actually, he had an immigration court hearing, and the judge found evidence that he was associated with MS-13.

DO 1: SCHIFF! 

DO 5: What?

DO 1: I’m not talking to you.  It’s just an expression.  Look, it was probably a crooked Trump judge, lying about Kilmar’s gang ties.  We need to insist that the case be appealed to another judge, so—

DO 6:  Actually, it was appealed to a different court.

DO 1 (pause): And?

DO 6: The appeals court agreed.

DO 1: SCHIFF!

DO 5:  Are you using my name as a swear word?

DO 2:  Get over it, Pencil-Neck.  The adults are talking.

DO 5: Adults?  Shouldn’t you be at the kid’s table, Hogg!

DO 1: Shut up.  Let’s not get hung up on those alleged gang ties.  The main thing is that another judge wrote an order saying that he can’t be deported.  So Trump broke the law.

DO 3: Actually, that order in 2019 said that he CAN be deported, but just not to El Salvador.

DO 1 (rubbing his temples): Fine.  But he was deported to El Salvador.  We’ll emphasize that. 

DO 6:  Yes!  He got that deportation hold in 2019.  I’m sure he’s kept his nose clean for the last 6 years, because the Feds would have deported him to somewhere else if he’d gotten in trouble.

DO 3:  Actually, he was stopped in 2022 for speeding and driving without a license.

DO 1: SCHIFF!  Did they take him to jail and tow the car?

DO 3: No. The cop gave him a warning for the expired DL.

DO 2:  Wow.  He must have been one of ours.

DO 1: Anyway, the main point is that he obviously didn’t have anything suspicious in the car with him.  Why don’t we just say he was profiled for “Driving While Brown?”  (He notices DO 3 making a face.)  What now?

DO 3:  He had 8 other guys in the car with him, and they’d been driving for three days, from Texas to Maryland.  And…they didn’t have any luggage.

DO 5: SCHIFF!  (Everyone looks at him.) Now you’ve got me doing it!

DO 1: Okay, let’s not panic.  Lots of poor people don’t have luggage.  They were probably going up north to rejoin their families, or maybe meet some church sponsors who vouched for them. 

DO 3 (looking down):  They all gave Kilmar’s address as their own.  And DOJ just announced that he was picked up for questioning at Home Depot with other MS-13 members.  And Trump just showed a picture of his hands, and he’s got…

DO 1: Don’t say tattoos!

DO 3 (hesitates):  Tattoos.   

DO 2 and 4: SCHIFF!

DO 1: Tell me that they’re at least of his kid’s birthdays, or his wife or his mom’s names.

DO 3: They’re MS-13 tattoos.

DO 1,2,4 and 6: SCHIFF!

DO 2: Okay, forget all that.  We’ve still got his wife.  She’s crying her eyes out on tv.  And since she says that he’s a good man and husband, and since we must believe all women, he has to be a good man and husband. That’s the transitive property, I think.

DO 5: No, the transitive property is when a dude decides that he wants to be a woman, so he spins around and clicks the heels of his ruby slippers together, and says, I’m really a woman, I’m really a woman.

DO 2:  No, that’s the trans property.  I’m talking about the math thing, the transitive property.  It’s from algebra, I think, and –

DO 5: Who are you trying to kid, Davy?  You look like you’re still taking algebra!

DO 2: Pencil neck!

DO 5: Toddler!

DO 1: Everybody shut up!  (He notices an aid come in and hand a piece of paper to DO 3, then step back out.)  We’ve got the loyal, crying wife, and she’s vouching for him.  Our women voters will eat that up, and… (Noticing DO 3 looking extra pale.)  What is it, Liz?

DO 3: DOJ just released a domestic abuse claim the wife filed against Kilmar in 2021.

DO 1, 2, 4, 5 and 6: SCHIFF!

DO 1:  Okay, anybody can have a bad day.  They had an argument, things got a little heated.  We’ve all been there.  But they talked it through and worked it out, and it never happened agai—

DO 3: She filed again six months later.

DOs (all): SCHIFF! 

DO 1 puts his head on the table in front of him.

DO 1 (after a long pause): So we’ve got a bad-driving, human-smuggling, wife-beating, gang-banging illegal alien.  Is that about it?  (Nobody will meet his eyes.)  Okay, so we’ve got to say that it’s not about Kilmar, it’s about due process, or something.

DO 2:  So we shouldn’t call him “Jesus” now?

DO 1: Shut up, Hogg.  Nancy, get Van Hollen on the line.  We’ve gotta stop him from flying down there and making us all look like idiots. 

DO 3: He’s already there.

DO 1 (too defeated to even swear):  Can we at least stop him from meeting with Kilmar?  He’ll be giving Trump a photo-op to hang around our necks for the mid-terms.

DO 3: He’s already met with Kilmar.

DO 1 (mumbling): Of course he has.

DO 2:  Wait, this might still work.  Kilmar is going to look haggard and starved from being in that concentration camp prison.  Maybe he’ll even have some bruises or broken bones! 

DO 1 (perking up):  Yeah!  We can have Spielberg make an ad for us, interspersing shots of Kilmar with shots from Schindler’s List.

DO 2 (excited):  And we can CGI Trump’s head onto that Nazi commander, shooting at Jews down in the camp below him!  We can call the ad, “CECOT’s List.”

DO 1 (seeing DO 3 looking at her phone, and shaking her head): What is it?

DO 3 (holding her phone out so everyone else can see it): Trump just released this video of Van Hollen and Kilmar.  It looks like they’re meeting on a gay speed-date at a high-end hotel. 

DO 1 (moaning): Kilmar looks great!  He looks like he’s gained 5 pounds.

Everybody in the room: SCHIFF!!!

And, scene.

Tune in next week, when Hulk Homan™ releases documents proving that Kilmar helped plan 9/11, before driving across country to shoot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

Hamas delenda est!

Thoughts on Immigration, Part 2 (posted 4/4/25)

In my column on Wednesday I covered a little bit of the history of our immigration laws, and discussed the long-standing legal and common-sense concept that we have every right to decide who to allow to come into our country, and under what circumstances.  And however much our rules about immigration have developed and evolved, they’ve always included one central idea: we should allow people in who can improve and benefit America.

Hence the five categories that I quoted from the 1891 Immigration Act.  If you’re a foreigner who wants to come here, and you’re stupid, or mentally or physically ill, why would we want you here?  If you’re a criminal, why would we want to be your victims?  If you can’t or won’t support yourself financially, why would we want to work harder and tax ourselves more, just to take care of you? 

On the one hand, it’s weird to even have to say all that, because rational self-interest seems so self-evident and obvious.  If Americans don’t have the right to decide who comes into America, who does?  And if you will predictably make us dumber, sicker, poorer and more preyed-upon, why would we allow you in?

On the other hand, over the last half-century or more, we’ve developed almost a sense of shame – at the very least, embarrassment – about our strength, successes, and wealth.  It hits our ears wrong to say, to the millions who would want to immigrate to America, “What’s in it for us?”  Many schools of thought have added to this unease, some of them good, and some very bad.

I’d include the Judeo-Christian world view that is entwined in our national DNA – and which formed the ethical and political architecture of our Founders’ minds, and the scaffolding of the constitution and democratic republic they built – as the most important factor on the good side.  We were raised on stories of the Good Shepherd and the Good Samaritan, and our duty to care for the widow and the orphan, and for the poor.  We’re a generous and a compassionate people, in no small part because of a wide-ranging body of teaching from Uncle Jesus and his predecessors that, “As you’ve done to the least of these, you’ve done it unto Me.”

On the bad side, we shouldn’t underestimate how much damage has been done by leftist schools of thought, and the multitude of ways they have taught our children to hate our country and themselves. 

Multiculturalism tells us that all cultures are equally valid, except that ours is somehow worse than the primitive and the non-capitalist ones.  Socialism tells us that the wealthy are evil exploiters, rather than the creators of rising tides that can lift all boats.  Critical race theory and post-colonial studies tell us that successful first-world countries and the lighter skinned are eternal victimizers, and the rest of the world their rightly aggrieved victims.    

Put that all together and disseminate it through an insular and propagandizing educational system, and you get the modern West – wildly successful, and while flawed, the best available model for the world to follow – yet without the civilizational self-confidence to vigorously defend itself, let alone its borders.  

Which brings us to today, with tens of millions of people here illegally.  They’ve come here for good reasons and bad – some to work hard and make better lives for themselves, some to prey on a wealthy and vulnerable populace, some to take advantage of our idiotically generous and unpoliced welfare benefits.

This has been incredibly frustrating for most Americans.  Clear majorities in all polls say they want less LEGAL immigration, and giant majorities want illegal immigration stopped, and illegals deported.  And yet there have been a network of groups who have been able to engineer the recent waves of illegals coming in.

Self-interested businesses want cheaper labor.  Foreign governments and cartels and their American partners want to enrich themselves through remittances, as well as smuggling and organized crime.  Gullible and naïve church and “charitable” groups have allowed their misplaced compassion (and IMHO, often an intoxicating sense of their own virtue) to blind themselves to the damage they are doing to their own country.    

But most of those people and groups have always been here, and together have always accounted for some illegal immigration into this country.  But the driving force behind the recent flood of illegals has been the Democrat party.  Dem politicians see illegals as an army of future voters who will secure their national political majority for many decades, thus allowing them to achieve their political goals of a more leftist/socialist, and less traditionally American, country.

And the fact that an entrenched network of NGOs and other Dem organizations (which DOGE is just beginning to uncover) can enrich themselves in the process is just icing on the cake for them.

To me, the best thing about the new Trump administration so far has been the way they’ve closed the border and started deportations.  All of my usual hyperbolic mockery aside, I’ve been giddy watching the American people regain their self-confidence, to the point where they will openly support deporting illegals, unswayed by the usual accusations of racism and xenophobia. 

I love watching the elite Left – lulled into an arrogant complacency by years of hectoring us, unopposed – get completely wrong-footed when their usual attacks no longer work.  When AOC lectured Hulk Homan™ that “being in the country illegally isn’t a crime,” he rhetorically pantsed her (it’s not my fault that she has placed her juicy booty – her words, not mine – front and center in the public’s mind) by reciting from memory the relevant portions of US law that proved her wrong. 

All she could do was pull up her pants, stammer, and change the subject.  (Rumors that her panties were red, with a hammer and sickle on the seat have not been confirmed.)

The top Dems don’t know if they’re afoot or horseback on immigration, and it’s glorious to see!   After they insisted for a full year that Biden couldn’t close the border without new legislation, Trump closed it 15 minutes after being inaugurated, and everyone started glaring at those Dems, while they looked at their feet or checked their watches.

When some immigration raids began catching run-of-the-mill illegals along with the violent TDA gangbangers who were being targeted, lefty talking heads got excited.  They actually  thought that it would turn the public against deportations!  But every time they did some kind of “man on the street” interviews, the citizens said something like, “But the untargeted ones are here illegally too?” 

And before the “journalist” could say, “Well yeah, but-“ the citizen would say, “Vamanos!” or “Adios!”      

Hysterical Jamie Raskin actually gave a speech calling for the plane full of gang-bangers to be flown back here so they can have taxpayer-funded lawyers and years-long hearings to see if they get to stay! 

Keep it up, Dems, and let us know how that works for you.

I’ve got a few more thoughts on how likely it is that we’ll be able to deport the vast majority of illegal immigrants, and also on the related controversies over deporting students who were here legally on student visas or green cards.  But this column is long enough, so I’ll save those for next week.

In the meantime, I’ll leave you with a joke I saw last week…

How badly has Snow Woke bombed? (Unexpectedly.)

Someone posted a pic from the opening night’s 8 o’clock showing… and labeled it “Snow White and the Seven Audience Members.”

Have a great weekend, and don’t forget…

Hamas delenda est!

Thoughts on Immigration, Pt. 1 (posted 4/2/25)

Since the Trumpkrieg™ started on January 20th, the Democrats have taken the short end of one 80/20 issue after another, but none more important than the issue of illegal immigration. They’ve made so many illogical, specious arguments on the topic that I’ve found myself muttering to myself about this issue more than any others. 

And regular readers know that it’s never a very big jump from “muttering to myself” to “sharing with CO nation.”  So here goes.

The two most annoying leftist immigration fallacies are: acting as if there is no difference between legal and illegal immigration, and acting as if immigrating to America in the 18th century was just like immigrating here recently, or today.

The first point is too obvious to require much debunking.  To equate immigrating legally to doing so illegally is as stupid as equating having a loving relationship with your spouse to rape.  And yet if you were to watch 8 hours of MSNBC or CNN each day – God help you – you would see dozens of boneheads saying, “Except for Native Americans, all Americans are descendants of immigrants!”

Yes, Rachel Maddow.  But you can also say, “Thousands of people go into banks every week, and they leave with money.” 

But most of them go in with a photo ID, and leave with money from their own accounts.  And some of them go in with pistols and ski masks, and leave with other people’s money. 

That’s different!

The second point relies on the listener being ignorant of history.  Which – conveniently for the leftists – most people who went to leftist-run public schools are.

But just like illegal immigration is very different from the legal kind, immigrating to the US before around 1850 was very different than coming in the last hundred years or so.    

That earlier period was marked by a largely empty continent offering immigrants more danger and challenges than tempting opportunities. 

Yes, I said “a largely empty continent.”  And before you can bring up the native Lizzie Warrens living here then – #wemustneverstopmockingher – estimates are that around 4-7 million Indians lived in all of today’s US and Canada around 1492.  That comes out to between 2 and 4 humans per square mile.  And that’s before epidemics thinned that number considerably by the time Europeans got a toehold on the eastern seaboard. 

Back then, there was very little government and absolutely no social safety net.  Nor even any literal safety nets, for that matter.  (Nor seat belts, nor “no smoking” signs, nor labels on the top of a ladder warning that you shouldn’t use it as a step.)  The fledgling nation needed all of the hearty pioneers with grit, ambition and work ethic that it could get.  So it largely welcomed all comers.

And when many of them suffered gruesome deaths – from scalping-involved Warren-cide (#neverstop), being thrown from seatbelt-less saddles in multi-horse collisions, or neck-breaking falls from the top steps of ladders – the rest of the citizenry just went about their business.

Because immigrating wasn’t for whiny wusses.

By the 20th century, and especially with the growth of governmental and other financial support, the situation was very different.  The country could still benefit from hard-working immigrants, but with many areas getting more crowded and the number of would-be immigrants exploding – not to mention the powerful draw of ever-more-generous welfare programs, and newcomers who no longer wanted to assimilate – the risk-reward ratio of large-scale immigration shifted toward more caution, limits and careful vetting. 

You can discern the nation’s developing thinking about immigration by tracking the amount of legislation on the topic during the 19th century.  The Steerage Act of 1819 required that arriving boats have a manifest of immigrants on board, and that those aliens be inspected and given a medical exam before even preliminarily being allowed entry.  Multiple acts in the 1870s and 1880s banned entry to forced laborers, prostitutes and Chinese people.

The two major laws regulating immigration in that century – the Immigration Acts of 1882 and 1891, respectively – enacted increasingly more stringent restrictions on would-be immigrants.

Consider the first paragraph of the Immigration Act of 1891: 

“The following classes of aliens shall be excluded from admission into the United States, in according with the existing acts regulating immigration other than those concerning Chinese laborers: All idiots, insane persons, paupers or persons likely to become a public charge, persons suffering from a loathsome or a dangerous contagious disease, persons who have been convicted of a felony or other infamous crime or misdemeanor involving moral turpitude, polygamists, and also any person whose ticket or passages if paid for with money of another or who is assisted by others to come.”

Let’s break that down.  The list starts and ends with what I think are less relevant points.  I can only guess that the concern about Chinese laborers arose from fear that they would make the rest of us look lazy in comparison, and possibly that they would screw up the grading curve in all of our classes?

The part at the end about immigrants whose passage is paid for by others seems to depend on the context.  If they had family members or solid citizens paying their way in, we should probably consider them.  But if they were funded by some shadowy character – likely named “Soros” – send them packing.

But consider the middle of that passage, which is so relevant that it could have been ripped from today’s headlines.  It lists 5 groups of people – with old-fashioned descriptions that can be easily translated to their modern equivalents – who should not be allowed into the US:

1. Stupid people – “Idiot” later had a specific, IQ-defined meaning, but the modern “stupid” is a suitable umbrella term. 

Fun fact: Psychologists once classified those with an IQ between 0-25 as “idiots,” those between 26-50 as “imbeciles,” and those between 51-70 as “morons.” 

Those groupings are still relevant today, especially if you are trying to analyze members of congress, or answer questions such as, “Is Hank Johnson a low-range or mid-range idiot?” or  “Is AOC capable of achieving imbecility?” or “Have Jasmine Crockett’s remarks about the Texas governor dropped her from moron status all the way to idiocy, or just to imbecility with a dusting of sociopathy?”

2. The mentally ill.  (See: sufferers of gender dysmorphia or auto-gynophilia; watchers of CNN, or The View; Robert DeNiro) 

3. Welfare recipients and those willing to go on the dole.  “Pauper” can just mean “broke” – a temporary state that many (even certain hilarious geniuses) of us have experienced.  And a broke person may even take welfare for a very short time.  But “a public charge” is someone who can’t or won’t support himself, and “likely to become a public charge” is a common fixture in modern America: a habitual and/or multi-generational welfare recipient.  

4. Health risks.   Remember when covid was so threatening that American citizens couldn’t leave their houses…but millions of unvetted third-worlders with hacking coughs were waved through the border like leftist celebrities being welcomed to Pedo Island by Jeffrey Epstein?  And who can read “loathsome, contagious disease” and not think of the plague, TB or the woke mind virus?  

5. Criminals.  These are commonplace, today as in the past.  If you aren’t familiar with “moral turpitude,” think “Hunter Biden.”  And we don’t have many polygamists (i.e. married to more than one person at a time) anymore, having replaced them with never-married baby mommas and dead-beat dads.

Look at that list one more time, and apply it to a sane immigration policy going forward.

Denying entry to group 4 (the health risks) should be uncontroversial to even the far-leftists among us.  If you’re still wearing a covid mask in 2025 and looking forward to your 13th covid booster… zip it, Karen!

Groups 1 and 2 – the stupid and the insane – make up at least a large plurality if not an outright majority of our current Congress.  Annnnddd… we definitely don’t need any more of those. 

And groups 3 and 5 – welfare recipients and criminals – make up the lion’s share of the Democratic base.  So that’s a hard pass. 

Coming Friday: Part 2, in which I apply the lessons above to our current deportation debates.

Hamas delenda est!

Three Leftists Make Fools of Themselves (posted 3/31/25)

Before I get started today, I want to let everyone know that I’ve made another short video – this one on the topic of our crazies vs Democrat crazies — which I’ve posted on my website (Martinsimpsonwriting.com).  You can find it under “Videos” at the top of the screen.

It’s a little different than the ones I made before, and it contains several added features: a small portrait of Cassie the Wonder Dog; a chance to see my scraggly poison ivy beard before I shave it off, and a very brief cameo from the late great Sam Kinison.  So check it out if you’re so inclined, and let me know what you think.

On to the usual political malarky. 

I’ve still got a column on immigration on tap, but I couldn’t miss the chance to mock a few of our leftist antagonists before posting that one… starting with the Good-Year Governor of my old home state of Illinois, J.B. Pritzker.

He gave a speech last week at the lefty thinktank Center for American Progress, in DC.  (He kept calling them “CAP,” and I’m sure that I’m not the only one who keep instinctively adding an understood “dunce” before the CAP.) 

He wants to waddle for president in 2028 – which would be easier for him if he wasn’t running Illinois into the ground – and his 20-minute speech and subsequent Q&A was an early step down that road.  I’d like to tell you that I watched the whole presentation, but even my prodigious will power is not inexhaustible.

But I watched most of it, and that was enough to conclude that he’s no worse than most national Democrats right now.  (You can find that description beside “damning with faint praise” in a dictionary of common sayings.)  He can speak in complete sentences, but only if they are filled with a combination of banalities and fashionable progressive lies.

He attacked Elon as a wealthy oligarch, apparently forgetting that he inherited his own billions from mommy and daddy, and used a portion of that wealth to buy a governor’s seat.  He also attacked Trump because he heartlessly withheld masks and ventilators which would have saved the lives of many people in the early days of covid, purely because Trump “[sees] people’s lives [as] a game.”

Which would have been a great point, if we didn’t already know that Trump didn’t do that, and that masks and ventilators didn’t save people’s lives any more than draconian Democrat lockdowns did.  Beyond that, Pritzker offers only glittering generalities, and dishonest insults of conservatives.

The presentation was billed as, “Pritzker Drops the Hammer on Trump and Musk for ‘Cruel and Incompetent Recklessness.’” I couldn’t help thinking that “Cruel and Incompetent Recklessness” would be a great campaign slogan for what the Dems have done to Chicago and Illinois over these last several decades. 

And I think Pritzker would do a lot better for himself if he tried dropping a fork and spoon for a change, instead of a hammer.

Speaking of dropping a hammer, I came across a social media post by Tim Miller – a former RINO and current weasel who writes for the never-Trumper site The Bulwark – which quickly resulted in him being hammered from all sides.

Miller captioned a link to Musk’s DOGE interview with Bret Baier, this way: “Prepare to be lectured to by a guy who has never pleased a woman.”

Which is doubly rich, considering that Musk has about 114 children (which presumably means that he’s pleasured at least a woman or two in time), and that Tim Miller is not exactly the kind of fella whose entry into a room results in a wave of panties automatically dropping.  And that’s before you take into account that Miller is gay. 

A more skeptical guy might ask how Miller even has the chutzpah to opine on what it takes to please a woman in the first place.  But not me.  Because I can easily imagine Miller walking toward a group of women, who all look at him and think, “Oh boy.  What’s it going to take to get rid of this creep?”

But then one of them whispers to the others, “That’s Tim Miller.  And he’s super gay.”

And just like that, all of the women in the group are pleased that he won’t be hitting on them.  So good job, Tim.  Because just by being gay, I’m sure that you’ve pleased way more than your share of women.

My favorite story of the last week was NPR’s CEO Katherine Maher testifying in front of a House committee.  Maher is a standard-issue AWFL, and exactly who you’d expect to be the CEO of NPR. Or PBS.  Or some crooked leftist NGO.

She had to face the worst situation a public official can endure: being questioned by competent people who have the facts at their disposal, when you have left an obvious paper trail proving that you are clearly guilty of everything they’re about to expose you on. 

Unfortunately for her, she doesn’t seem to have been sharp enough to realize any of that.  After posting endless tweets about her super-white New England upbringing, and how she’s woke enough to condemn her northern neighbors for their complicity in the slave trade centuries ago, I couldn’t help but think of another New England tradition: putting bad actors in a pillory in the town square. 

But this was even better.  Because it was like they locked her head and hands in place, and then GOP officials started paddling her, while the angry crowd threw rotten fruit and vegetables at her head.

Her testimony had it all, including ridiculous assertions, unconvincing confessions, and bald-faced lies.

When asked why she’d called Trump a “deranged racist sociopath,” she said that she regretted her words today.  I’ll bet she does, after November 6th!

Brandon Gill went to work on her, and it was beautiful to watch.  He asked whether she believes that “America believes in black plunder and white democracy,” which she had tweeted in reference to a book she loved called The Case for Reparations. 

Maher not only denied that she believed what she tweeted, she said she’d never read that book. Then Gill read her tweet, which said, “I appreciate the day off today to finally fully read The Case for Reparations.”

D’oh!

She also denied knowing of a book called “In Defense of Looting.”  Until…wait for it… Gill read the tweet she posting saying that she’d read that book.

When Gill asked her, “Do you think that white people should pay reparations?”

Finally, she gave a definitive answer.  “I have never said that, sir.”

And Gill brought the paddle down hard.  “Yes you did.  You said it in January 2020.  You tweeted, “Yes, the North, yes all of us, yes America.  Yes, our original collective sin and unpaid debt.  Yes, reparations.  Yes, on this day.”

Yikes.  That’s Harry-met-Sally level stuff.  Except that none of us will have what she’s having!

She finally fell back to repeatedly saying that, “My views have evolved since then.”  And eye rolling could be heard throughout DC.  

Especially when she denied that NPR is politically biased.  Which was followed immediately by Jim Jordan pointing out that in the DC area, editorial positions at NPR have 87 registered Democrats and zero Republicans.  Ms. Maher was shocked – Shocked! – to hear that.

As much fun as it was to watch Maher getting hoist on her own petard, the larger issue is that NPR and PBS should obviously be defunded, for many reasons. 

First, even if it wasn’t obviously politically biased, there is no reason to force Americans to support government tv and radio channels.  There are tv channels for every interest under the sun, from cooking to travel to Korean soccer to fishing to game shows.  And PBS’s worthwhile shows – my wife watches Antiques Roadshow, and we both like Rick Steve’s travel stuff – would be snapped up and shown on regular, free-market channels. 

Second, they are obviously biased, and that’s doubly insulting in a country that is politically divided.

Third, it’s typical of the totalitarian streak on the left that they would expect us to pay for their propaganda.  Conservatives are glad that our right to own guns is in the constitution, but we’d never expect that American lefties should be forced to buy our guns for us.  And we appreciate conservative outlets like Fox and the Daily Wire, but we’d never expect American lefties to have to pay for those.

But it’s not enough for lefties to pretend that their right to abort their children is in the constitution – they’ve got to force us to pay for those procedures, which we find morally repugnant.  

Similarly, it’s not enough for lefties to demand their own tv and radio networks.  We must be forced to pay for the whispering androgynous soy people to spread their soporific propaganda on our dime.

Finally, the one refrain you hear constantly from advocates for NPR and PBS is that government money makes up such a small part of their funding that it’s barely worth talking about. 

I think it’s time to treat them like Katherine Maher, and call their bluff.  Because if the taxpayer “contribution” is so small, I’m sure they’ll never miss it.

Hamas delenda est!