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Three Political Requiems: Biden’s Campaign, His Gaza Pier, and Jamaal Bowman’s Comical Last Hurrah (posted 7/1/24)

We have gathered here, first, to mark what looks like the death of Biden’s campaign.

Watching the left’s reactions to his debate self-immolation has been as entertaining as you’d expect. Just a few months ago, Joe Scarborough bloviated that, “This version of Biden – intellectually, analytically – is the best Biden ever!” (And “F” you if you don’t agree!)

On Friday morning Scarborough looked like he had just watched the litter of cats that he’d raised and bottle-fed from birth get run over by a giant riding mower in front of his wife and children. All he could do was mutter about how surprised he was by Biden’s performance, and how he needs to go.

Lefty actor Michael Ian Black (Who?) from that one show you never saw, had this great quote: “What sucks is, if you listen to Biden’s WORDS, they’re great. But there’s not enough breath left in him for the words to reach your ears.”

Yeah, that’s the ticket! His words were GREAT! Words like “mumphlpanditurgg,” “shughelfup,” “zzzzz,” and “six handicap!”

Good lord!

The transcript of everything he said at the debate would read like a movie scene we’ve all watched: The fourth male lead – stricken by dengue fever, German shrapnel, or an arrow shot by Liz Warren’s war party (#neverstopmocking) – writhes in a medium close-up and rambles incoherently as a nurse wipes a wet cloth over his brow, until he suddenly stiffens, opens his eyes wide and says, “Pa! Is that you, Pa? I did my best! I did… my… gurgrlelelughhhhhhhh.”

And yes, Joe Biden actually said that last word, at minute 24, shortly after muttering that no soldiers died on his watch.

A few days before the debate, one MSM empty head said, “So Biden can’t walk so well. Neither could FDR.” Which is a good comparison… if you’re a thoroughly corrupt liar. Say what you will about FDR, but at least he could conduct fireside chats until late in his presidency.

The closest Biden could come would be a fireside shat! (Boom! Low-brow poop joke when you least expect it!)

One of the funniest news bites I came across was that Rob “Meathead” Reiner co-hosted a Hollywood “watch party” for the debate. Then, after two days of what the Breitbart story called “conspicuous silence” – HA! – he finally tweeted about the debate, admitting that it had been “a disaster” for Biden.

But he still stuck to his guns – and yes, his guns are less reliable than the one Alec Baldwin used on that movie set, and no, it’s not “too soon” for that joke (Because: Alec Baldwin) – calling Biden “a good, decent man.” Then he said a bunch of stuff about how Trump is orange Hitler and the world is coming to an end and blah blah blah.

I’ll admit that I wasn’t paying attention anymore, because I was savoring the image of Meathead and a bunch of rich Hollywood leftists – and no, they weren’t necessarily ALL addicts, trust-fund kids or pederasts; probably just a majority of them – sitting around a glitzy fundraiser, and slowly deflating as they watched their hero decomposing on stage.

I picture Babs Streisand, DeNiro and Meathead, with party hats on their heads and noisemakers in their mouths, all hyped up for the big event. And then Brandon staggers out and mumbles his way through his first several servings of word salad. Cut back to the celebs, their jaws dropping in horror, and their noisemakers falling onto their laps.

The schadenfreude cherry on top of that exploding poison sundae is that the “party” was supposed to be a Biden fundraiser! Rumors that after “Dr.” Jill helped Joe painfully down the longest three stairs you’ve ever seen in your life at the end of the debacle, the Hollywood elite raised 4 dollars and an expired Blockbuster rental coupon, have not been confirmed.

The general tone of the MSM aftermath was half Monty Python (“This president is no more. He’s ceased to be. He’s gone on to meet his Maker. THIS… is a late president!”) and half Shakespeare (We come not to praise Joe Biden, but to bury him.) And wholly delicious.

By the way, I just re-watched that classic Python dead parrot sketch, and saw a detail that I’d forgotten, and which ties it in perfectly with the Biden debacle. As the scene opens, John Cleese (carrying the dead parrot in a cage) calls the clearly male store clerk “Miss.”

When the guy says, “What do you mean, Miss?” Cleese looks at him in momentary confusion, and then says, “Oh I’m sorry, I have a cold.”

And just like that, a benevolent God has given me another moment of bliss. Because I must have seen that clip a hundred times, but the experience of watching it today included two more tie-ins to our present, bizarre moment: gender confusion, and somebody making a blatant mistake and blaming it on a cold!

If only Joey Gaffes had thought of that.

Oh wait…

At some level, I do feel bad for Biden’s self-humiliation. On the other hand, think how bad it would be for him if he had lived to see it!

But for the corrupt national Dems and the MSM stooges who have been foisting Biden on us like a bunch of mad-scientist taxidermists for four years, I have no pity. You built this Frankenstein’s monster, you shot him full of amphetamines and kept re-starting his heart with the crash pads, and now you own him.

However, I think we all need to do our part to try to keep Joe in the race. In fact, I’m urging all of you to stop avoiding pollsters like the plague. (The natural reaction of all conservatives, and of most smart people generally.) If anyone calls you or emails with a request to give political feedback, take the opportunity.

Tell them that you love what Biden’s doing, and you’re offended by those who would suggest that our great Democrat standard bearer should step down. You’re behind him 100%, and he needs to keep fighting until he wins in November!

Then hang up quickly, before you either burst out laughing, or begin audibly retching.

My second requiem is for Biden’s Gaza Pier. As I wrote last month, the pier was built – for only a third of a billion dollars! – to get desperately needed food into Hamas-istan. It was open for about a week before moderate seas damaged it. It was towed to Israel, fixed, then deployed again.

Annnnddddd… some breezy conditions and a bad weather forecast forced its removal. When it was finally deployed again, another bad weather forecast meant that more American resources were spent on dismantling it. Again!

News reports now suggest that it will likely not be put back in place. Because it proved to be a stupid, stupid, stupid idea. (I’m reading between the lines on that last part.)

On the bright side, during the few days when it was in place, it did allow delivery of a few tons of food…which was immediately stolen by Hamas, then sold to desperate Gazans to raise money for more Jew-killing stuff.

To recap: Biden spent almost $300 million – money which could have purchased huge packs of desperately needed flamethrowing robot dogs to release on the Democrat convention in Chicago! – on a boondoggle that lasted six weeks, and provided zero supplies to the alleged civilians it was intended to serve.

So let’s lower the Stars and Stripes to half staff for the passing of yet another brilliant Democrat foreign policy boondoggle. Pointless pier, we hardly knew ye!

Finally, I’d be remiss if I didn’t also mark the political passing of Jamaal Bowman, who got gloriously hammered in a Dem primary in the Bronx just last week. You may remember Bowman as the token male member of the Squad, or as the rabid Jew-hater who denied the gang rapes that Hamas thugs recorded themselves committing, or as the moron who thinks you pull a fire alarm to open a door.

But he’s so much more than that! In fact, if he’s not everything that’s wrong with the Democrat party, he’s emblematic of most of it: fraudulent credentials, racial arsonist, unimpressive and unserious and dishonest right down to the bone.

He holds an Ed Doctorate – the same degree that notorious elder-abuser “Dr.” Jill Biden has. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather share a degree with Dr. Kevorkian or Dr. Mengele than with those two. (Okay, that was a bit much. I retract the analogy. But just barely.)

He put his degree (in his case, his “duh-gree”) to work by founding the Cornerstone Academy for Social Action, where he curated a “Wall of Honor” that featured black people he thought students should look up to. People like Clarence Thomas, Thomas Sowell, Glenn Loury and Tim Scott.

HA! I kid! Bowman’s ideas of praiseworthy black people included loony anti-Semite congresswoman Cynthia McKinney (so dumb she lost her seat to Hank “Guam is capsizing!” Johnson), and the husband-and-wife team of radical murderers Mutulu and Assata Shakur (parents of Tupac, who died young of terrible parenting).

Bowman was also a leading advocate against standardized testing. When I looked into the quality of Bowman’s Cornerstone Academy, I found out that it was a mess.

UNEXPECTEDLY!

Out of all New York schools – which are totally controlled by Dems, and thus pretty lousy – Bowman’s school ranked in the bottom 13%. His students would likely be pretty dissatisfied with that. Except that only 24% of them scored as minimally proficient in math, so they have no idea what that means.

So it’s great to watch Bowman go. But it was even better to watch the way he went out, with a hilariously cringy (and futile) get-out-the-vote rally featuring AOC, who bounced on stage to a vulgar Cardi B song, waving her fists and hollering like a hype man at a rap concert.

Okay, I couldn’t decipher the lyrics of the Cardi B song – I’m not her target demographic, being an old Caucasian guy with great musical taste – but since all of her songs are vulgar, I’m sure this one was too.

Unfortunately for AOC, she chose to speak rather than twerk the whole time. Because her juicy booty (her words, not mine) is her strong suit (yes, I’m too classy to say “her best asset”), and speaking logically is decidedly NOT, she missed that opportunity.

Then Bowman took the stage, and tried to out-stupid AOC, which is no mean feat. But he might have succeeded, dancing around and screaming out some “F” bombs. At one point he picked up a stool and shook it over his head for some reason, swearing and ranting like a black “Nature Boy” Ric Flair, only with less dignity. (You’re welcome for the timely pro wrestling reference from 30 years ago.)

Then “professional useless person” Bernie Sanders (hat tip to Ben Shapiro) wandered up and did his commie schtick.

It was telling that their big rally – with three “top draws” among the Democratic left (talk about damning with faint praise!) – in their deep-blue Bronx home, drew a pathetically small crowd. The MSM feeds were cropped just to show the first few rows of people in front of the stage… because a wider angle would have shown a lot of empty grass.

When AOC first jumped on stage, she did the ol’ “cup your hand behind your ear” routine to get the crowd to roar, saying, “I can’t hear you!” To which someone nearby could have said conversationally (because there was no reason to shout), “That’s because there are very few of us here.”

The optics raised painful comparisons to Trump’s giant rally in the Bronx just a few weeks back. Yes, that ultimately doesn’t mean much in the Bronx, which hasn’t voted Red since Imhotep Pelosi was a young girl in the Valley of the Kings.

Except that Trump shouldn’t be able to draw thousands of excited people in the Bronx, and AOC should be able to bring out at least a thousand, just from those who want to hear her brand of socialist crazy and get a glimpse of her juicy booty in person. (Do I have to keep saying it? “Her words, not mine.”)

To those who say it doesn’t matter that one Dem instead of another gets that seat, I offer a version of WF Buckley’s dictum: if there can only be a Dem representing a deep blue district, it should be the least insane Dem available.

Or as the Babylon Bee said, in the Bronx, “Hamas lost a House seat to the Dems.”

Hamas delenda est!

Post-Debate: Dems & MSM Should Pay a Price for Lying about the Shape Biden was in (posted 6/28/24)

Wow. What does one say after last night?

Over the last several days, I’d written up a few ideas for today’s column, figuring that I’d include them alongside some debate reaction. But now I think I’ll save them for a future column, because I’m sure that this debate is going to suck up all the oxygen in the room.

Oxygen which Joe Biden desperately needed during the debate, apparently. Because that guy came out more cadaverous than usual, which is truly saying something!

What happened to the drug cocktail his team has had him on in previous outings? I figured he’d start out a little hot and a little punchy, and then his energy level would drop off precipitously after 30 minutes or so.

But apparently the chemists and necromancers at the DNC mixed up the prescription bottles backstage. Instead of filling Joe’s pre-debate syringe with cocaine-infused Red Bull — advertising tagline: “It puts the high OCTane in Octagenarian!” – they gave him 3 ml of “medically induced coma.”

After the first two minutes, I already couldn’t believe my eyes. His voice was weak and wavering right out of the gate, and he made one mistake after another. He tried to hit Trump on Afghanistan (!), which is Biden’s first glaring scandal that sent his poll numbers into a tailspin from which they’ve never recovered.

He said he “beat Medicare,” claimed that there are “a thousand trillionaires in America,” talked about women raping their sisters, and muttered his way to the end of one sentence about the border, giving Trump his best one-liner of the night, “I really don’t know what he said at the end of that sentence. I don’t think he knows what he said either.”

I can’t believe that Biden even went back to the old lie that Trump had called Nazis at Charlottesville “very fine people.” Especially since left-wing “fact-checking” site Snopes just published a high-profile admission (a few days ago!) that Trump was NOT talking about Nazis or white supremacists. Meaning that everybody who pays even passing attention to politics knows that Biden was lying.

He even lied about small and insignificant things (as is his wont), claiming that as Vice President he had a golf handicap of 6. Trump had fun with that, and for good reason.

For comparison, I am several decades younger than Joe Biden, and have been hacking my way around golf courses on and off for many years. I average around 3-4 pars per round, and can drive the ball reasonably well, though my short game feels like a punishment from an angry Old Testament God.

And not to brag, but I can make a nearly full turn on the ball, I can walk on a fairway without wearing clown shoes to keep me from face-planting, and I have never soiled myself on a fairway or a green. (What happens in the rough, stays in the rough.) And I never go off into a fugue state in which I stare blankly into the distance until a friend has to lead me back to the clubhouse.

And I’m around a 16 handicap!

The idea that in his early 70s, Joe Biden was a 6 handicap is less believable than that he whipped Corn Pop with a candlestick in the conservatory, then finished at the top of his law school class, before having high tea with Nelson Mandela at Selma.

Trump made the same point (“I’ve seen your swing.”), before saying, “Let’s not be children.”

When you’ve allowed Donald Trump to take the high ground as the adult in the room, you have lost the debate!

It got so bad that halfway through, Biden mouthpieces claimed that Biden had a cold! Which is as desperate as it gets, since any real illness would have been disclosed before the debate, even if only to lower expectations.

I’m sure that announcement created a clear mental picture for savvy viewers. When your own flaks watch the first ten minutes of your “performance” and then leap up and rush to the nearest computers and microphones, you don’t want to hear them say, “He’s got a cold! And long covid, and short ebola, and mid-range pleurisy! And possibly mesothelioma! Plus the studio lights have triggered his light sensitivity, and also his peanut allergy, for some reason.”

The spin afterwards was even worse, if that’s possible.

Most post-debate spin rooms produce rote propaganda as predictable as the sunrise over Liz Warren’s tribal hunting grounds (#neverstopmocking): “Our candidate knocked it out of the park, especially when he made point 1, 2 or 3, and our opponent made one mistake after another.”

Last night, for the first time in modern political history, the main topic coming out of the DEMOCRAT press was, “Should we force him off the ticket immediately, or wait until Monday?”

Holy cats!

If this was a fight, they’d have stopped it in the middle of the first round. If Biden was a racehorse, they would have dispatched him with a merciful rifle shot after he fell in the first turn and snapped all four fetlocks.

As glad as I am that Biden’s collapse is finally too obvious for the MSM to hide, the problem now is that the debate happened early enough that the Dems will likely be able to push Joe aside and bring in someone else.

In a column posted on March 8^th, (you can find it now on Martinsimpsonwriting.com) I predicted this result, and never has my prognosticating brilliance been more of a burden! If this debate was the dam-break moment, and all of the polls turn decisively against Biden, I’m assuming the Dems will shortly begin the fraught process of finding another leftist for the top of their ticket.

I hope that we’ll respond in a few ways:

1. We should enjoy the sweet schadenfreude of watching leftist hacks squirming, panicking, and firing within their own tent. Dumping Joe leaves them with Que Mala, who is the only human in this hemisphere with worse numbers than his. So they can’t move her up to the top spot.

But she’s the VP because of her race and gender, and dumping her too should produce some angry black female leftists – a potent combination if ever there was one! And if the Dems try to keep her as VP but move some pale, empty haircut (I’m looking at you, Ken-Doll Newsom) in front of her, that won’t help.

Pass me the popcorn.

2. We should immediately start beefing up our oppo research files on whoever the likely replacements are. The best thing the Dems have going for them is that many people still dislike Trump and are looking for an alternative, and if that alternative is not well known, they might be able to squeak through in November.

3. We have to hammer the obvious fact that the problem wasn’t Biden, but the national Dems who have been lying about him. Last night he was terrible, but it was only a difference of degree, and not of kind, from his performances over his entire presidency beginning when they had him campaign from a basement four years ago.

They’ve insisted since 2020 that he’s mentally sharp and healthy as a horse. When his infirmity has become even more obvious in recent months, they’ve taken one dishonest line after another:

Behind closed doors he’s sharp as a tack.
He just passed his physical with flying colors.
Hur’s report finding that Biden is not competent to stand trial was a lying slur!
He wasn’t wandering off at the G-7; he’s just fascinated by parachutes.
Every fund-raising video he’s made for months has at least a dozen jump cuts to try to hide that they need that many takes to be assemble 30 seconds of usable footage.
Those videos that factually show him doing and saying things are actually “cheap fakes!”
As recently as last week, Dem spokes-weasels were insisting that Obama didn’t help him off-stage because he was “frozen” and confused at that fund raiser.

Those lies were always obvious to us, but the MSM tried their hardest to help the Dems hide the truth, as they hoped to whistle past the graveyard – and never has that metaphor been more apt! – and drag Joe’s carcass across the finish line – ditto – in November.

Assuming that they sub him out, we should be ready with ads showing the voters that the problem wasn’t just Biden, or even primarily Biden, but the dishonest Dem hacks who have been perpetrating this “Weekend at Bernie’s” farce for four long years.

Just have an Eastwood-esque voice-over announcer say, “The Democrats have thrown Joe Biden under the bus, and are now saying that they’ve got a great new candidate for you. They swear that s/he is fully capable of being the next president.

But that’s what they’ve been telling you about Joe Biden for the last four years.”

Then play a montage of top Dems insisting that Joe is at the top of his game, interspersed with some of his “greatest hits” gaffe reel, ending with some of his worst flubs from the debate.

End with the Eastwood VO: “If they’ve been lying to you about Joe Biden, how can you trust what they’re saying about NEW CANDIDATE NAME now?”

Let’s enjoy their discomfort at being caught, but then pivot to make them pay over the next four months for their elder abuse and the Potemkin Presidency they’ve foisted on all of us!

Hamas delenda est!

PWFEs Threaten Dem Electoral Success, & in Florida, Hostage Taking Doesn’t Pay (posted 6/21/24)

Before I get started, I want to thank readers for the kind comments on “my visit with mom” column on Monday. I feel a little sheepish at the remarks on what a good son I am though, for two reasons.

First, we’re lucky that mom’s personality has not changed, as I’ve seen happen with some Alzheimer’s patients, whose demeanor deteriorates as the condition progresses. But mom is still her adorable self, so I’d have to be a Hunter-Biden-level d-bag to not love her back and treat her well!

(Regular readers may remember a story that sums up mom, from after a small stroke she had last year. She was still unsteady on her feet when she came home, so Rhonda told her that she was going to sleep in her bed with her the first night, in case she needed to get up in the middle of the night. Mom was a little confused, but said, “Okay.” Then, a minute later, she asked, “Did you have a bad dream?”

That’s our mom, crushing it at motherhood, whether at 25 or 85!)

Second, my sister and her husband live with mom, and have since they sold their house and mom sold hers shortly after dad died. They bought a house together, and they’ve been with her full-time, so they deserve the real credit for helping her and caring for her. To the extent that that can be a burden – and it is often one of the joys of life, too – they have come through.

So I feel lucky to be able to stay with her as often as I can, both to give them some time away and to spend precious time with mom. But I also feel a bit like a divorced, non-custodial dad: I get to be the “fun one” who takes the kid to Disney (pre-grooming, pre-leftist Disney) and buys her presents and then leaves the day-to-day work to the custodial parent.

Still, I didn’t get a chance to respond to the comments on Monday’s column, and I do appreciate them.

And now, onto the usual shenanigans…

As in many past elections, the Democrats’ chief obstacle this November is going to be PWFE. Which, of course, stands for “People With Functioning Eyes.”

It’s a time-honored tradition for the Dems to be selling some version of “believe what we tell you, and not your lying eyes.”

Remember when Bill Clinton would be doing a campaign photo op at a BBQ restaurant, and he’d be proclaiming how much he loved CAW CAW and he didn’t have sex with “that woman,” but you’d notice that as he was talking, he was squeezing the butt of the nearest waitress?

Or when they told us that Obama was a post-racial Light-Bringer, but you noticed that he was a smirking narcissist who hated whitey?

Or when they told you John Kerry had gravitas, and that Pelosi was a canny operator, and that Liz Warren was an Ojibwe Princess?

But you noticed that Kerry was one of those tree-people from Lord of the Rings, and Nancy Pelosi was the mummified remains of Nancy Pelosi, and Liz Warren was as white as the lead singer of an Edgar Winter cover band performing a Pat Boone medley in a hockey arena in Stockholm?

(#wemustneverstopmockingallofthem)

Those were your pesky functioning eyes, making trouble for the Dems.

But this year, the PWFE are a threat to the leftist narrative on more fronts than usual.

This cycle, they’re telling you that crime is actually down, but you’re watching that report on CNN in your hospital room, because you can’t change the channel, because you’re in a full-body cast, because you forgot to run serpentine to your car in a parking lot, and were thus set upon by a bunch of criminals who beat you to within an inch of your life.

They’re telling you that inflation is under control and that Bidenomics is working, but you’re at a diner eating a breakfast that you had to take out a HELOC to pay for, and you’re looking at the prices at the gas station across the street and wondering if there is a skateboarding commute in your future.

They’re telling you that the border is secure, but as you channel surf, you keep seeing what you think is a panoramic scene of an endless column of weary Jews trudging out of Egypt in The Ten Commandments. But then you look closer, and see that it’s Arizona, and there are zero Jews in the crowd. In fact, many of them are demanding iPhones and debit cards in Spanish, and others are muttering about “death to the infidels.”

And the guys who jumped you in the parking lot were speaking every language BUT English, and one of them was wearing an “I [heart] MS-13!” t-shirt.

They’re even telling you that their plans to spend billions on wiping out homelessness are working wonderfully. But you can’t help but notice that Go-pro video of the streets of every blue city looks like a cross between footage from Revenge of the Living Dead and a casting call for extras to play the close friends/meth-y hookers in an upcoming biopic about Hunter Biden.

But perhaps the Dems’ biggest challenge with PWFE during this election year involves their candidate for president. Whom, your functioning eyes are telling you, appears to be possibly dead.

Or at least dead-adjacent.

Lefty hacks have been trying to counter that accurate impression of Biden’s public deterioration. Their first talking points were that whatever Joe looks like in public, behind closed doors the guy is sharp as a tack. You should see him! He speaks five languages, knows all the state capitals, the guy is aces!

But even sycophantic lefty late-night hosts ridiculed that idea, and they had to give it up.

So now the brain-trust at the DNC has come up with the most ridiculous gaslighting effort ever, focused around their newly coined phrase “cheap fakes,” which they use to describe video of Biden that evil Republicans have somehow manipulated to make him look bad.

Of course, the term is a variation on “deep fakes,” which are actually a thing. It turns out that if some tech geek/evil sorcerer has a sample of someone’s voice and image, they can create a fraudulent video of that person appearing to do or say offensive things. (I’m not sure how computers work.)

I fully expect them to unleash such fake videos of Trump as an October surprise. Sure, they will later turn out to be fakes, but not until after the election, when they hope it will be too late to undo the damage. (Just like the bogus 34 “felony convictions” will certainly be overturned… after the election.)

But while deep fakes are real, and troubling, “cheap fakes” don’t exist. And pretending that they do is incredible stupid, even for a party with AOC in it.

They tried to suggest that the GOP has edited or cut video of Biden to give the false impression that he’s a doddering old man. But everyone has copies of entire videos, and they immediately played them – unedited – in what turned out to be full-color, panoramic, high-def Doddervision™.

By now, the Dem talking heads can’t even offer a rationale for what they’re saying. The sapphic Kewpie-doll spokesperson just shakes her curls and waves her arms and repeats, “Those videos don’t show what the bad-faith GOP says they show.”

Disturbing cartoon character James Carville grimaces and sneers and says, “Come ahwne son, yuh can’t bleeve them rotten Reepublic-uns and their lahs about Joe Biden! He’s fit as a fiddle, and they-uh goin’ round sayin’ he old and feeble? That dog won’t hunt! They just a bunch of lah-ers, thas whut they are. Joe Biden cud go f’teen rounds with Mike Tyson any day and twice on Sundy, ah’ll tell you whut! These ain’t the droids you lookin’ fur!”

And then you watch the video, and notice that Biden has the stiff gait (and giant shoes) of Frankenstein’s monster, and the vacant stare of Frankenstein’s monster, and the youthful vigor of Imhotep Pelosi.

And the verbal dexterity of Frankenstein’s monster.

It’s desperate, and it’s not going to work. Because of PWFE.

Let me end on a more positive note, with a story from my regular category called “Celebration of Excellence.”

This one happened in Florida in February, and you can find it on the great website of the ex-cop who calls himself Donut Operator. It’s the story of a recidivist criminal in Fort Myers – his mugshot looks like the rare combination of aggressive-looking and pot smoker – who decided to rob a bank in what Donut rightly calls “the least f**king around state in the country.”

This guy’s bank caper doesn’t go well – unexpectedly! – and he ends up facing a dozen cops in flak vests. He’s got a knife and is holding two hostages, and pulls them very close, and stands between them.

While one cop talks to the Biden-voting (I’m guessing) perp and tries to get him to give up, a sniper uses a fellow cop as a tripod to balance his gun on, just in case. (Belt and suspenders, people.) Unfortunately, the criminal is wedged between the hostages, and there’s a computer monitor in the sniper’s line of fire.

But a computer monitor, for that sniper, is just like the truth for a leftist.

Irrelevant.

So when the bad guy puts the knife against his female hostage’s throat, the sniper puts a round through the computer monitor. And then, microseconds later, through the bad guy’s forehead, just above and between his eyes.

Annnndddd… down goes bad guy! Down goes bad guy!

Weirdly, the computer still had a functioning blue screen… with a neat bullet hole in the middle of it.

Florida gave the sniper an award for that shot – see the “least-f**king-around state” comment above – and the hostages were unharmed.

Still, the bank robber did lose his life. So we should all probably say a prayer…

for the computer monitor.

Hamas delenda est!

My Week in Tennessee, & Good News From Other Nations (posted 6/17/24)

As you read this, I am on my way back home, after a great visit with my mom. (To see a pic that captures her essence, see the main page of this site, where she is wearing a party hat and laughing, and I am wearing a stylish turkey hat, even though it’s not Thanksgiving.)

We drove many hundreds of miles on tiny, winding roads through the beautiful, gently rolling landscape of south central Tennessee, and ate at a bunch of small-town diners.

We saw the burial site of Meriwether Lewis (we could use more guys like him today) on the Natchez Trace Parkway, tried to chew two of the hardest gumballs in Christendom that came out of a machine in a county courthouse in Pulaski, and drove through many tunnels of trees on roads that made me wish I still had a motorcycle.

It was sunny every day, but we didn’t do much walking, because it was hotter than Florida. Seriously, it was in the mid-90s every day. It’s almost enough to make me think that Al Gore was right about global warming.

But then I remember that that guy couldn’t pick the winner of a one-horse race, and he couldn’t tell the truth to save his life. And he’s no more a scientist than Lizzie Warren is a Cherokee. (#youknowthething) (#neverstopneverstoppingmockingher)

One of the advantages of traveling with mom is that she doesn’t remember that I’d taken her to some of these places before. She continually said, “I’ve never seen this place before; it’s really pretty.” She was always right about the second part, and in a way, she was right about the first part, too.

I took along a Bluetooth speaker, and we listened to a lot of George Jones, who was always her favorite. She remembered that he had a problem with alcohol, and asked how he was doing with that, and I had to break it to her that he died ten years ago. He made it to 81, but when she asked me if he died because of booze, I told her that it probably didn’t help.

And yes, the next song of his that came up in the rotation was “If Drinkin’ Don’t Kill Me.”

We got to laughing, and I told her that she was probably only still around because she laid off the sauce when she turned 70. (She’s a sweet little Baptist in good standing, and has never taken a drink, as far as I know.)

We did a lot of wandering, and I had to constantly reassure her that I knew where we were. (Because of my phone’s GPS, I wasn’t really lying.) We traveled such scenic lanes as Yokley Creek Road, Cathey’s Creek Road, and even Sheboss Road. Which, it turned out, was gravel.

All in all, we had a good time together. She would lose track from time to time, but she was still the mom, and she asked me if we were lost and if we had enough gas, and told me when I was driving too fast.

And because I’m still a juvenile at heart, I’d drive a little faster, and honk for no reason, and tell her that we were about to run out of gas and die of starvation on lonely Sheboss Road.

Every time I saw rolls of hay in a field I’d point and loudly say, “Hay!” And every time she’d fall for it, and call me a jerk, and then punch me in the shoulder and laugh like when she was young, and dad was still alive, and they were both amused and exasperated by their goofball son.

She’s already forgotten most of this, and I know we won’t have her with us much longer, but this week did my heart a lot of good. And I hope that when she wakes up again after this life is over, she remembers this week as well as I do.

As you might guess, I’ve only caught bits and pieces of the news over the last 5 days. But I did catch the WNBA story on the CO site about classless Angel Reese’s latest dirty play against Caitlin Clark.

It occurs to me that – after the three joyless Joys (Behar, Reid and Gray), and the angry Whoopi (Goldberg) and darkly malicious Sunny (Hostin) – we now have a new contender for most ironic name.

Because whatever else she is, Reese appears to be far from an Angel.

Following the good news from Israel I wrote about on Friday came the grim news of 8 IDF soldiers killed in a recent battle. In a way, that bitter loss is another testament to Israel’s goodness, because those young men were only lost because of risks Israel is taking to minimize deaths among Gazan civilians.

It’s a heartbreaking price to pay, and one that I think nobody has a right to ask for. I hope that the Jewish state will ignore its critics – including those in the UN and here – and do whatever it needs to do to wipe out Hamas.

To end on a more positive note, I’d like to praise two other foreign leaders who are shining examples of what we need more of in our country: Argentina’s Javier Melei and Canada’s Pierre Poilevre.

In only six months in office, Melei has brought an amazing amount of drastic and wildly successful changes to Argentina. He has the most purely conservative agenda in this hemisphere, cutting government (he moved to eliminate 9 of 18 ministries on his first day in office) and deregulating the economy to an unprecedented extent.

Recent stratospheric Argentinian inflation rates have dropped dramatically, and early results of his governance have been very positive. He’s up against a long record of corruption and incompetence, and his ultimate success is far from certain. But he’s acting boldly, and doing the right things.

And all while displaying a self-deprecating sense of humor, and rocking the sweetest mutton chops since the Civil War!

Meanwhile, in Trudeau’s dysfunctional Canada (aka, America’s evil Top Hat), Pierre Poilevre has been giving a master class on how to kick journalist arse and advance conservative policies that could turn that benighted polity around.

Yes, he’s got a problematic name, a toxic mix of hard-to-pronounce and French, which needs to be changed forthwith. I looked it up, and of course “Pierre” translates to “Peter,” and “Poilevre” translates to “rabbit pelt.” So there’s no help in trying to Anglicize his name. Better to just start from scratch and pick out a strong, impressive moniker.

I suggest “Martin Reagan,” but I’m open to suggestions.

Anyway, he’s been handling the horrible Canadian MSM – unbelievably, apparently as terrible as our MSM – like a boss for a long time. You probably remember his sarcastic dismemberment of an interviewer who insulted him about how critics say he’s too Trumpy, in which he called him on his bullSchiff and took him apart at the joints, all while eating an apple and without raising his voice.

Well I’ve seen a new excerpt in which he dismantles a different journalist (with a very suspicious French accent, if you ask me), who asks how he can disagree with Trudeau (who is definitely NOT Castro’s illegitimate son, so stop asking) and his plan to “create 5.8 million houses by 2031.”

P-squared starts by pointing out that, “I don’t disagree. Math disagrees.” And then he rattles off facts like they were paddles and Trudeau’s dishonest plan was AOC’s juicy booty. (Her words, not mine.)

“Trudeau is already missing his target by more than 50%; the Canadian government spends more of their housing budget on government bureaucrats than on people who actually build the houses; in the last nine years, the average rent for a one-bedroom was $973, and now it’s $2000; 1/3 of the cost of every newly built home in Ontario is government permits and taxes – that’s more than we spend on the labor to build the home.”

He summarizes: “Has [Trudeau] spent a lot of money on housing programs? Yes! He’s spent $89 billion on housing affordability and the result is that housing costs have doubled. The problem is that he’s putting money into bureaucracy. Government bureaucrats don’t build homes. Private sector builders do.”

Then he ends with his plan, which is to incentivize municipalities and regional governments to cut red tape, government fees, and permits so that builders can actually build. He would tie federal funding in each area to the number of houses built, instead of to how many government bureaucrats they hire and support.

And everyone who has been longing for common sense conservatism for years goes full Meg Ryan in the diner scene in “When Harry Met Sally.”

More, please. And please God, let’s see some of that here in the States after November.

Hamas delenda est!

Good News from Israel (posted 6/14/24)

I’m continuing to have a good visit with mom, taking her to a lot of pretty, small Tennessee towns, so today’s column will be a little shorter than usual. (You’re welcome, readers who say my columns are too long!)

Today’s theme is good news from Israel.

The IDF continues to impress, despite receiving constant, dishonest abuse from the EU’s and America’s biased MSM.

In some of the toughest urban warfare in decades – mostly due to Hamas’ continual violations of the Geneva Convention and basic morals, via hiding among civilians and storing war materiel in hospitals, schools, mosques and other civilian locations – the IDF has produced a nearly unbelievable low civilians-to-combatants-killed ratio of around 1.5 to 1.

Ratios of around 10 times that amount are pretty typical, and the Israelis have paid a high price in their own losses to fight with such restraint and precision. And yet their media coverage has continued to prove that we don’t hate the media nearly as much as we should.

Last Tuesday the IDF used a targeted missile strike to kill Taleb Sami Abdullah, a Hezbollah field commander, in southern Lebanon. On Wednesday, a bunch of Hezbollah big shots gave a bunch of threatening speeches about how they were going to kill lots of Jews, and they fired 200 rockets into Israel, which started some fires, but didn’t kill anyone.

Annnndddd…

Israel killed a top Hezbollah commander in another strike in Lebanon on Thursday.

The bad guy in question was Hashim Safi Al Din, the Hezbollah number 2 man. (And never has the adjective “number 2” been more appropriate.) Al Din was with a dozen or more other terrorists in a two-story building in Lebanon.

I’m assuming that the IDF turned that into a zero-story building, because the end result was a baker’s dozen of dead terrorists, including Al Din.

So Al Din is Al Done (HA!), and one observer noted that, “The powerful elimination worries Hezbollah members.”

I’ll bet it does.

Meanwhile, in the same week, Israeli troops discovered an entrance to a Hamas tunnel inside a child’s bedroom in Rafah. They recovered a trove of weapons and explosives from the tunnel. The operation is the latest of what Israel calls its “precise, intelligence-based, targeted operations” inside Rafah.

A few days before that, an Israeli strike took out Hamas and Islamic Jihad terrorists hiding at a United Nations school for displaced Palestinians in central Gaza. Media reports from “local officials” and “UN sources” – both common euphemisms for “anti-semitic/pro-terrorist hacks” – report that the strike killed more than 30 people, including 23 women and children. And probably soulful poets and Amish Muslims.

Israeli sources – who have not been consistently lying their arses off for 80 years straight – said that there was a Hamas compound inside the school containing 20 to 30 fighters. Many of those non-women, non-children, non-soulful poets were killed. And wise people everywhere said “good riddance to bad hummus.”

As is often the case, the great Babylon Bee summed up the leftist attitude toward Israel’s latest successes in two hilarious stories about the recent rescue of four of Hamas’s hostages:

“Gaza Health Ministry Confirms 8 Billion Dead in Israeli Hostage Rescue” and

“Ilhan Omar Calls for Day of Mourning Over Hostages Rescued.”

Hamas delenda est!

Hunter Convicted, Brihana Joy Gray Fired, Pro-Hamas Protestors are Inexplicably NOT Arrested at the White House (posted 6/12/24)

My posting today is a little later than usual because I’ve made the trek back up to Tennessee to spend a week with my mom, while my sister and her hubby take a vacation. I was unable to bring my better half along, but Cassie the Wonder Dog is with me, and we’re going to savor the extra time with mom before she turns 86 next month.

She’s still hanging in there, and though the Alzheimers continues to take its slow toll, she’s still the world-class mom who raised my sister and I, and I’m going to make some more good memories with her this week, even if only one of us remembers them!

Speaking of slow erosion, how about the state of our nation, five months before the election?

Everywhere I look there is more evidence that we don’t hate the media enough.

Exhibit A is Hunter’s conviction, which answered an intriguing rhetorical question: If you’re a Biden, exactly how guilty do you have to be in order for a Delaware jury to find you guilty? The answer is breathtakingly, obviously guilty.

But you may have noticed that the MSM were immediately ready with a take on Hunter’s verdict that was so wrong that if the Olympics introduced a new triathlon combining point missing, false equivalence and mendacity, it would have easily won gold.

They painted Hunter as a victim, trivialized his gun charges while ignoring the even more serious, daddy-implicating crimes for which he wasn’t charged, and claimed that his conviction somehow proved that Trump is wrong to say that his own conviction was illegitimate.

Taking the last point first, the gulf between the two cases isn’t just apples and oranges, it’s artificial apples and real felonies.

If Trump’s disputed bookkeeping entries had been crimes (which they weren’t) they would have been misdemeanors, and the statute of limitations would have run out on them years ago. But a corrupt DA and a corrupt judge used a tainted jury pool and even more tainted witnesses to magically create a raft of felonies out of air even thinner than Obama’s skin.

Conversely, Hunter flagrantly broke several gun laws. And oddly enough, the same Dems who for 50 years have been screaming for tougher gun laws and enforcement now think we should let drug abusing gun nuts off with a slap on the wrist. If they happen to be Bidens.

Even more oddly, the same establishment media who helped rig the last election by insisting that Hunter’s laptop was a Russian fake managed to ignore the biggest bombshell of the short trial: the FBI’s admission that it was Hunter’s all along.

Exhibit B: Ode to Joy

Last week the racist and antisemitic “journalist” Brihana Joy Gray finally got fired by leftist outfit The Hill, and like a thousand flowers in spring, the schadenfreude bloomed. You probably don’t know who she is, because why would you?

She’s the kind of charmer who spouts Hamas talking points and anti-American and anti-Semitic tropes (America is irredeemably racist, 9/11 happened partly because the US is too close to Israel, etc.). So if you did know her, you’d think that since she’s an obnoxious, black female leftist, she must be un-fireable, right?

So did she. In November of 2020 she tweeted, “Some people are so obviously mad that I can’t be fired.”

Then on 6/6/24… wait for it… she tweeted, “It finally happened. @thehill fired me.”

Immediately, the countdown to her trashing her ex-employer and playing the brave martyr card began. 3… 2… 1… “There should be no doubt that The Hill, like every other corporate news media in America, suppresses speech.”

THERE it is! Some meme-ster immediately dropped the hammer on her, posting a screen shot from a local news report. At the top of the screen the words, “Quote From Man Stabbed.” Below that, in quotation marks, “What are you gonna do, stab me?”

The straw that broke the Jew-hater’s back came last week, when she was interviewing the sister of a young woman kidnapped and still being held by Hamas. Gray kept trying to turn the interview toward criticizing the IDF and Netanyahu and Israel, while the woman kept turning the focus back to her poor sister.

As she made an impassioned plea for Gray to believe the Jewish women who have been abused by Hamas, Gray rolled her eyes and sighed with disgust, then cut her off abruptly. “All right, thanks for joining.”

Stay classy, BJG!

By the way, what is it with women named “Joy” being the most joyless humans on earth? From Joy Behar to Joy Reid to Brihana Joy Gray, there is no joy amongst the Joys.

Speaking of antisemitic freaks, did you see the pro-Hamas bigots launching an insurrection at the White House? I remember when coup attempts like that would send hundreds of peaceful grandparents to jail pending trial for years at a time. But apparently wearing a terrorist tablecloth on your head – you say Yasser, I say No Sir! – grants you immunity from treason charges.

The latest outrage took place on June 8^th, when mobs of pro-terror loons surrounded the White House, threw smoke bombs and chanted hateful, non-rhyming chants. Julio Rosas also reported from the scene that the protesters “formed a mob and chased U.S. Park Police and Secret Service out of Lafayette Square after officers apparently tried to arrest someone.” He noted that law enforcement was forced out of the park and retreated to “the boundaries of the protest.”

Which begs an obvious question: Are we all out of rubber bullets, belt-fed weapons and robot flamethrower dogs?

Because I’ll bet those would work in this case, and I for one would pay handsomely to watch the Pay-Per-View of lightly toasted anti-semites fleeing for their lives, before being knocked to the ground, hit with fire extinguishers, and then cuffed and stuffed into windowless vans to take them to prison.

Also, one of the most prominent banners carried by the cowardly, masked Nazi-emulators featured a quote from “Al Qassam” (which means “Hamas” in terrorist),” Jihad of Victory or Martyrdom.”

If that’s our choice, let’s go with Door #2.

Hamas delenda est!

The National Dems Have the Reverse Midas Touch (posted 6/7/24)

You don’t have to look very hard to find a story that illustrates how everything our national Democrats touch metaphorically falls apart, and in a way so obvious that if it were written in a novel, it would seem too ham-handed to be believable.

In fact, a few minutes of surfing around the net brought 3 such stories to my attention in the last week.

First there was the pier was the Biden administration’s brilliant solution to address the need for food in Gaza. Never mind that the best way to help the Gazan civilians who aren’t terrorists (however many that is) would be to support Israel fully and encourage them to destroy Hamas ASAP.

And never mind that Israelis were already letting tons of food into the Strip each day, and that Hamas was promptly stealing it all and then selling it to the starving citizens that they obviously don’t care about.

Because as is always the case with those terrorist thugs, Hamas has gotta Hamas.

I think Disraeli said that. Or maybe it was Metternich, or Von Clausewitz, or CO. I know it was one of those smart guys.

Anyway, Biden spent a third of a billion dollars to build the pier, and after a few delays it was put into place, and was used to deliver food for several days. Rumors that that food was promptly commandeered by Hamas thugs go without saying. (See Disraeli/CO above.)

Annnnndddddd… high winds and heavy seas damaged the pier and partially sunk it, along with driving aground four US vessels operating there. Three of our service members were injured, one critically, and the Israeli navy had to help us retrieve our beached vessels, and the pier was taken to an Israeli port to be repaired.

Isn’t that the Biden administration story in a nutshell?

“But what about on the domestic front?” nobody is asking. Because everybody knows.

Let’s look at one move that almost always works for the Dems: giving taxpayer money to their pet interest groups to buy their votes. In this case, it’s the student loan “forgiveness” program, which is actually the “stick working people with the bill for other people’s bad educational choices” program.

But that name doesn’t poll as well.

In an effort to boost Joey Gaffe’s image, one prominent Democrat posted a heartfelt “thank you” on X last week, in the form of a screen shot of his college debt balance now being reduced to zero.

Annnnddddd… the stunt crashed and burned like a rickety Iranian helicopter falling onto Solyndra headquarters in the middle of a Sam Bankman-Fried speech.

Because the Dem in question was St. Paul, MN mayor Melvin Carter, who makes between $130-$170K per year. Normal Americans immediately ratioed him into next week, pointing out that his employees and fast-food workers are now paying off his student loans. One wise guy commented, “So much for the rich paying their fair share.”

On top of all that, the story also reminded people of Biden’s boast that when SCOTUS blocked him from “canceling” student debt, he did it anyway. (Because nothing is more important to him than the rule of law!)

And it reinforced the old truism of Leftist economic policy: Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he’ll say, “No thanks, just keep giving me a fish every day.”

But if an immediately sinking pier and a rich guy getting money from the poor aren’t sufficiently clear metaphors for the Biden administration, I’ve got a New Jersey story for you that should do the trick.

It’s the tale of Congressional Black Caucus member Donald Payne Jr., who had a brush with death in April, suffering a heart attack and complications from diabetes that put him into a coma for two weeks.

Well, it wasn’t so much a “brush” with death as it was a “high-speed, head-on collision” with death. Because he died on April 24^th at the age of 65.

Annnndddd…

…last Tuesday he eked out a narrow victory in the Democrat primary, scraping by with 99.9% of the vote.

I’m not making that up. The Democrats had already elected a brain-dead congressman from NYC (representing Juicy-Booty Americans everywhere), and a mostly dead president, and now a completely dead congressman from Jersey.

At least now we can look forward to Biden making a campaign stop in New Jersey this fall, during which he will say, “And I want to thank Congressman Donald Payne Jr. for his support. I couldn’t win without the help of great Americans like Donald, no joke! Where are you Donald? Stand up and let us give you a round of applause!”

And at the end of that speech, will the Cadaver-in-Chief reach out and shake Donald Payne Jr.’s hand?

You’re damn right he will.

Hamas delenda est!

The Moral Confusions of the National Democrats (posted 6/5/24)

Today’s theme is moral inversion.

Not to be confused with cranial-rectal inversion, which is a common phenomenon on the left. (See: “let’s defund the police so that crime will go down,” or “if a dude puts on a pair of ruby slippers and taps his heels together while saying, “I’m a girl,” he’s a girl.)

One example of moral inversion is the way national Democrats deal with the statute of limitations, which is the legal principle setting a time limit after a crime, during which charges must be brought. It’s a reasonable rule, because as time goes by, evidence is lost, witnesses die and memories fade.

Dems have provided several great examples of why a statute of limitations is necessary. When the left wanted to stop Brett Kavanaugh from getting onto SCOTUS, activist/loon Christine Blasey Ford came forward to accuse him of raping her decades ago.

Unfortunately for lovers of distorting the constitution, Ford was a little fuzzy on the details. Details such as where it happened, and who else was there, and what town it was in, and what year it occurred.

I’m not kidding. She couldn’t remember the YEAR. Which is all you needed to hear to know that she was full of (Adam) Schiff. Because anyone who had any really bad experience in high school – never mind something as traumatic as being raped! – can tell you the year it happened.

In fact, many people recall their teenage years mainly through the disasters: freshman year was when I broke my arm; sophomore year was when my folks got divorced and Beth broke up with me; junior year I totaled dad’s car and got chlamydia; senior year I voted for Bill Clinton. Etc.

Of course, Kavanaugh wasn’t charged with a crime; the Dems were just trying to smear him to keep him off the court.

But even though Ford turned out to be a lemon (ha!), the Dems were undeterred. Last year the corrupt NY Dem party passed a law that temporarily got rid of the statue of limitations, specifically so that E. Jean Carrol ( I’m guessing that the “E” stands for either “eccentric” or “erratic”) – a fruitcake who makes Blasey Ford look almost high-functioning by comparison – could accuse Trump of sexually assaulting her almost 30 years ago.

Or maybe more than 30 years ago. Because she too could not even pin down the year when the phony assault supposedly happened. At one point she said that it was definitely a specific year in the 1990s because she remembers wearing a designer dress that came out that year. Except that when someone looked it up, it turns out that the dress didn’t exist that year. D’oh!

But never mind. The Dems trashed the law, and got their false accusation turned into a civil conviction against Trump.

And then last week, the Dems found a judge and DA so corrupt that they once again broke the law by charging Trump for mis-classifying business records – misdemeanors on which the statute ran out in 2019, if they had actually happened in the first place.

But they zapped those dead charges back to life – much as they do with Joe Biden’s earthly remains before a public speech – and turned them into 34 transparently illegitimate felony convictions.

So the Dems are happy to trample the statute of limitations when it serves their purpose. But how do they regard the statute when it can be useful to them? As the most sacred of legal principles, of course.

Enter addict, dead-beat dad, and dead-brother’s-widow-jumper Hunter Biden. Among his many apparent crimes are some serious actions of corruption and bribe-taking from foreign governments, most of which implicate his corrupt dad (and our current Cadaver-in-Chief).

Those crimes would be relatively easy to prove in court, partly because of the mountain of evidence against him, and partly because a jury would have to believe many patently unbelievable things to acquit him.

Things such as that a shady Ukrainian energy company paid him $80K per month purely for his expertise in Ukrainian energy – even though he couldn’t find Ukraine on a map, and all he knows about energy is that snorting a bunch of cocaine off a hooker’s rump gives you A LOT of it.

“So Martin,” you are not asking, because you already know the answer, “when is Hunter’s devastating trial on those serious crimes going to start? I thought he was only facing relatively paltry gun and tax evasion charges.”

You’re right, of course. Because Merrick Garland – and say what you will about the Chinless Cartoon Turtle Mitch McConnell, but he kept that creep off SCOTUS! – Toobin-ed his way through the first three years of Biden’s term.

And just when he got around to considering the slam-dunk case against Hunter, wouldn’t you know it? That pesky statute of limitations had run out.

To quote the mobster who whacked Joe Pesci in Goodfellas, reporting the news to DeNiro: “That’s that. And we couldn’t do nothing about it.”

So when it’s one of their guys, they use the statute to evade the consequences of their crimes, and when it’s someone from the other side, they misuse the statute to convict on non-existent crimes.

THAT’s moral inversion.

Media figures and “journalists” are especially skilled at moral inversion. Stories about the rights of women and girls to be safe from disordered men using their showers and bathrooms are called stories about “trans rights.” Abortion is called “women’s health care.” Jill Biden is called a “doctor.”

Another recent example – which also fits perfectly into my column category of “you don’t hate the media enough” – comes from Mannheim, where a cop was stabbed to death. Two of the MSM headlines were as follows: “Officer dies after being repeatedly stabbed in attack at anti-Islam rally in Germany,” and “Officer Stabbed During Attack at Far-Right Rally Dies.”

Now if you had the miniscule IQ or the gullibility of an Ivy League grievance studies major – or of AOC, just to pick a random juicy booty (her words, not mine) out of a hat – you might jump to a conclusion. You’d focus on the key words – Germany, Far-Right, anti-Islam rally, cop gets stabbed – and figure that the Germans were reverting to aggressive form, and menacing the adherents of the Religion of Peace™

But nope! The stabber turned out to be a radical Muslim from Afghanistan.

UNEXPECTEDLY!

Also, Yay, diversity!

Tragically, the deceased officer died largely because when some Germans jumped on the terrorist who had already stabbed people, the cop and others yanked the Germans off of the terrorist, to protect him.

After which he turned on the cop – who was holding down an innocent German at the time – and fatally stabbed him in the back.

Ugh. Rather than end on that dark note, I’ll give you one final example of moral inversion, along with an example of how to think clearly.

Before I left for Colorado, the Iranian president – a mass-murdering jihadi sadist named Ebrahim Raisi – died in a hilarious helicopter crash in the mountains, along with several of his weird-beard co-religionist co-conspirators.

The guy was called “The Butcher of Tehran.” And not because he cheerfully provided the kind of tomahawk pork chops and ribeye steaks which all good meat-eaters appreciate.

So how did NBC describe him in the sub-head of their story on the crash? As “a hard-line conservative cleric.” Because of course they did. Because they suck.

And how did the Biden administration respond? By issuing a State Department statement offering its “official condolences” for the death.

To see how a government official should actually respond to the much-deserved death of a smelly terrorist leader, I refer you to Trump’s announcement of the death of ISIS chief Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, whom our special forces – and military dogs! – raided and killed.

If you haven’t seen it before, you must watch Shane Gillis’ hilarious four-minute recounting of Trump’s epic, trash-talking speech that night. The most famous line from it is that al-Baghdadi “died like a dog.” But my favorite moment is one that Gillis highlights.

Trump acknowledged that Baghdadi likely had a suicide vest on, and talked about the way our special forces guys went in through a wall with a robot and military dogs. “They used dogs… beautiful dogs.”

And then he mocked Baghdadi, praised our troops and our dogs, and then mocked Baghdadi some more.

THAT’s how you announce the death of a terrorist!

On a related note, I can only hope that the IDF is deploying dogs in Rafah right now.

Beautiful, Jewish dogs.

Hamas delenda est!

Our Colorado Trip, Trump’s Show Trial, and DeNiro’s Sad Decline (posted 6/3/24)

Let me start by saying that I’ll make this a three-column week, because I miss you all after having spent another week on the road, and not writing anything.

We all had a great week in Colorado, and crammed a lot into it. We set my daughter up in Boulder, and she was actually giddy about the natural beauty of the area, the much cooler temps and drier air, and the university, her roommates, and her mentoring professors.

We left her there on Sunday, and then met up with my two cousins, and took a whirlwind tour of national parks and beautiful scenery. We saw Pike’s Peak, the Great Sand Dunes, Royal Gorge, Canyon Lands, Mesa Verde and Arches. We drove the Million Dollar Highway and saw the picturesque towns of Durango, Silverton, and Ouray.

In Glenwood Springs we drank in the saloon beneath the room where Doc Holliday died, reportedly of TB, but possibly of Covid. (He wasn’t vaccinated, and cute little guy Rachel Maddow tells me that that’s a death sentence.)

We didn’t have time to stop by Leadville. Which was disappointing, because I was hoping to meet Kenny Koch’s brother Tim and his wife Vicki at their High Mountain Pies pizza place there. Next time, I hope.

But I did get to see a cigar store Indian at one of the mountain towns we went through, which reminded me of Lizzie Warren, and that #wemustneverstopmockingher.

As I am on most vacations, I was pretty much cut off from the news, and in the day and a half I’ve been home, I’ve tried to get caught up.

One odd thought occurred to me, as I skimmed through the coverage of the end of the Trump show trial: in recent years I’ve often imagined going back in time and showing my younger self what has become of people I used to look up to and admire, especially those who have taken shockingly horrific turns in their lives.

The all-time leader in that category is (of course) Bruce Jenner.

If I could visit 14-year-old me in my small Illinois farm town in 1976 – as I sat in front of a Wheaties box with his picture on it, reading a Sports Illustrated account of his Olympic exploits – and try to explain “Caitlyn” Jenner today, I don’t know which one of us would be more discombobulated.

(Young Martin: He cut off his WHAT?! And he’s calling himself WHO?)

But last week, another former hero is giving Bruce a run for his money in the “how far have they fallen” derby: Robert DeNiro.

DeNiro has always been one of my favorite actors. He was amazing in Godfather II, Raging Bull, and Goodfellas. He was in some great, iconic scenes: playing Russian roulette with Walken in The Deer Hunter; his slow burn as a small-time hood before shooting Bridget Fonda in Jackie Brown; as Capone with the baseball bat in The Untouchables. Even his under-rated comic turn with Charles Grodin in Midnight Run.

I know that like so many other celebrities, he’s been an irrational lefty for a long time. He’s engaged in obscenity-filled screeds about Trump at award ceremonies, and ranted ridiculous warnings about the hellscape that Trump would create if he ever becomes president.

As if Trump was not the president in the recent past, during the least hell-scapey administration of the last 30 years.

But his disgraceful performance at the Trump trial is a further sad step on a downward spiral. Jenner’s penectomy was less disgusting than DeNiro’s apparent lobotomy. I can’t remember the last great movie he was in, or the last time he was great in a movie. It’s all “Meet the Fockers” lately, and as the late Joe Biden used to say, “Not a joke.”

When I heard the news of Trump’s “conviction” on Thursday, it made me madder than I thought it would. In view of all of the corruption and reversible errors during the trial, I thought that I’d been prepared for that verdict.

The case was ridiculous in the first place, and not moving it to a jurisdiction where you had some chance of finding a non-Trump-hating jury pool was a bad sign. Then it came out that “Judge” Merchan’s daughter has raised millions for Dems, and he himself had donated three small amounts to Biden’s campaign and other leftist activist groups dedicated to stopping Trump.

Then the trial starts, and the star witnesses are a porn star who admits she hates Trump, and will never pay the $500K a court has ordered her to pay him, and a convicted perjurer who admits to committing a much more serious robbery against Trump than Trump was charged with in this case.

The charges are misdemeanors on which the statute of limitations has run out, the predicate crime (necessary to allow revising the old misdemeanors) is not even named until the defense has closed (!), and Trump is not allowed to call a former head of the FEC who would testify that even the original misdemeanor charges are illegitimate because Trump didn’t violate campaign finance laws.

But I keep coming back to the judge. I did a little research, and the guy earns over $200K per year and is worth an estimated $10 million, but when he decided to contribute to partisan leftist causes, he only ponied up a total of $35!

The man sold out even the appearance of his professional objectivity for less than the price for one pair of the special shoes that Joe Biden has taken to wearing in an effort to keep him from face-planting every time he walks across the White House lawn!

You can’t make this up. Our opponents are cartoonishly corrupt, and I’m just praying that most voters are half as outraged by this travesty as I am. Even though I was a DeSantis supporter, I have already been willing to crawl over broken glass to vote for Trump in November.

Now you could put that glass into a moat full of napalm and rabid piranhas and set the whole mess on fire, and it wouldn’t keep me from the ballot box. All I have to do is think about Biden, Bragg, Cohen, Stormy, “Judge Merchan” and the whole rotten lot of them, and my mind immediately goes to DeNiro’s Capone when he found out that Elliot Ness had captured one of his shipments of booze.

I paraphrase his great rant, hand gestures and all:

“I want you to find these guys and I want them DEAD! I want their families DEAD! I want their houses burnt to the GROUND! I want to go there in the middle of the night and p*ss on their ashes!”

I know. It’s a movie. And I’m not actually advocating violence.

But I would like to see all of those little Fockers get what they’ve got coming to them.

Our New England Trip, plus Biden Agrees to Debate and Butker Kicks Butt at Graduation (posted 5/20/24)

I’m back from our trip to New England, and a good time was had by all. We got to spend some time in Providence and Newport, RI, then in Cape Cod, and then in Amherst for my daughter’s graduation with a Master’s in Nursing.

The latter was a strange experience for an oldster like me, because she earned most of the degree online while working as a pediatric nurse in Denver, which doesn’t make sense to me. (The last semester involved a practicum at another Denver hospital which has a relationship with U Mass.) So when we got to town on Thursday afternoon, we all saw the campus for the first time.

We took some pics of my daughter and her husband in front of the College of Nursing building (which she’d never been in), and in front of other scenic spots on campus (which she’d never been to).

The next morning, as we arrived for the ceremony, I summoned up a fake tear and hugged my daughter, saying, “Where has the time gone? It seems like just yesterday when we drove you to campus for the first time.”

Because I’m a dad, and we tell dad jokes.

I had hoped that while we were in Massachusetts we might run into Grandma Squanto Warren, so I could do the tomahawk chop and hop around in a circle in an extremely authentic rain dance that I’ve been working on, but no such luck. (#wemustneverstopmockingher)

However, we did witness the next best thing, when the liberal white lady Dean of something or other started the graduation ceremony with a land acknowledgment.

If you’re lucky enough to not have experienced this leftist ritual, it’s when a very righteous liberal begins an event by paying lip service to the various indigenous people who once “owned” the land beneath the venue where the event is taking place.

It’s a quintessential lefty gesture, allowing them to stroke themselves and signal their virtue without actually doing anything substantive. Because I’ve noticed that these “acknowledgements” never end with, “…and so, we’re hereby donating the campus, its multi-billion-dollar endowment, and my own personal mansion to the Hekawi tribe.

“We hope this gesture makes up for the fact that our ancestors had smallpox and repeating rifles, while your ancestors were standing around with stone weapons and no immunity, like idiots.”

This particular lady said, “We are gathered here today on land that has been taken from the Pequot, the Wampanoag, the Pinta and the Santa Maria.” Or words to that effect. I wasn’t paying very close attention after I realized what she was doing.

I must have had a certain look on my face though, because my wife put her hand on my knee and inflicted a five-fingernail death-grip that would have brought a lesser man to tears. The look in her eyes said, “Don’t you dare boo, or make an arse of yourself. Our in-laws are here.”

So I leaned toward her, turned my head toward the big shot on stage, and so softly that only my wife could hear, said, “Boo! Boo, you hypocritical white lady phony land-acknowledging beeyotch! Boo!”

Because sometimes a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. But I still need two functioning legs.

Anyway, it was a good trip, but it’s also good to be home. And while I was gone, I missed most of the news.

Except that Joe Biden shocked me by offering to debate Trump twice. I had been sure that he would never agree to a debate, on account of him presiding over an indefensibly terrible presidency, and also being deceased.

Pundits said that his taking the risky step – especially since Trump had given him an easy out by refusing to debate in the primaries – is a sign that the Biden team recognizes that he is losing. Which sounds plausible.

But his embalmers were smart to insist on a set of conditions that will help him: debating on one of the corrupt, in-the-bag MSM outlets that will do everything they can to protect him; allowing no live audience who would cheer or laugh at Trump’s jokes, and gasp and flee when Biden trips over a sandbag or loses control of his bowels; keeping RFK Jr. out so that there will be no non-senile Democrat alternative on stage.

I think Trump had boxed himself into a corner by saying that he’d debate Biden anytime and anywhere, so he couldn’t then negotiate any conditions without looking hesitant. But I hate to see us once again granting the ridiculously biased MSM control over yet another round of debates.

But the thing I’m most annoyed by is letting Biden pick an unprecedentedly early debate in June, two months before the Dem convention. I’ve said it before: having Biden on the ticket is our best chance to win, and we need to do whatever we can to keep him there. But if he does terribly in June, I expect the Dems to try to push him aside and sub in another candidate at their convention.

My favorite political event of the week is the left’s outrage at Harrison Butker’s speech at Benedictine College’s graduation, because of what it tells us about them.

Over the last decade or more, the NFL’s top brass and woke media commentators have shown us that it takes a lot to make them mad. NFL players can beat their girlfriends and be deadbeat fathers to children by baby-mamas all over the country, and the NFL can’t be bothered. Mediocre, racist QBs like Kapernick can slander America, white folks and football fans, and he’s beloved on the left.

A sapphic soccer “star” can denigrate the country, straight folks and God – then play terribly and tear an ACL in a light breeze – and she’s still a media darling. Obnoxious male narcissists can beat the tar out of female athletes and break female records, and the normally male-hating leftist establishment gushes over what brave “women” they are.

But Butker said a bunch of commonsense things – abortion is abortion, Pride Month is ridiculous, covid lockdowns were a mistake, DEI stinks – and a bunch of Catholic talk, at a Catholic school, to Catholics.

And THAT is what finally made the left furious.

As a wise man once said, on his daughter’s first (and last) day at her alma mater, “Boo! Boo, you hypocritical, phony beeyotches! Boo!”

Hamas delenda est!