Today I’ve got a couple of lighter stories, and a few post-caucus thoughts on the state of the election.
First up, the great conservative humor site Babylon Bee continues to impress. They ran into a little controversy this week with a joke they posted about Vivek after he dropped out of the race. It was a silly and harmless joke, but apparently a lot of conservatives got upset enough to give the Bee some grief about it.
Which is really annoying, because we’re supposed to be the folks with a sense of humor. It’s the humorless leftists who are always getting triggered, pulling their non-binary onesies over their heads and running for safe spaces when a somebody tells a joke involving ethnicity, gender, or pretty much anything.
(I remind you of this oldie: Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb. A: THAT’S NOT FUNNY!)
In his response to the critics, the Bee’s CEO Seth Dillon confirmed my positive impression of him: “Some of our readers have expressed concern about this report, suggesting it did not meet the high journalistic standards they’ve come to expect from us. We want you to know that we’ve listened to you. We’ve heard your voices. And they are stupid.”
Perfect!
Of all the things that should not be taken too seriously, jokes are right up there near the top.
For example, here’s a humor test: a Breitbart story yesterday reported a survey from the Federal Reserve Bank of New York with the headline, “Factory activity in New York suffered an unexpected collapse in January.”
The story goes on to fill in the gory details: the index of business conditions plunged 29.2 points in January to a negative 43.7, and a drop of 58.2 points over two months. (Numbers below zero indicate worsening conditions.) Those stats are the worst since April of 2020, when the economy was decimated by the sudden pandemic lockdowns.
Don’t see the humor in that? It’s in a subtle word choice from the headline: “unexpected.”
Okay, so I’m no Norm MacDonald. But I find the absurd to be funny, and nothing is more absurd than a bunch of leftists foisting economy-crippling policies on a state, and then calling the resulting cripple-ation (cripple-osity? cripple-tude?) “unexpected.”
It would be like saying, “Dems Prevent Cops from Arresting Criminals; Crime Unexpectedly Skyrockets.” Or, “Newsom Tries to Fiscally Rape Productive Taxpayers; Productive Taxpayers Unexpectedly Flee California.”
Or, “The DNA Test Results for Blonde, Blue-eyed Liz Warren are in: She’s Unexpectedly Categorized as Super-Duper-Blindingly White.” (#wemustneverstopmockingher)
In another feel-good story, Bilal Nofal has been eradicated.
I know what you’re thinking, and no, “Bilal Nofal” is not a super contagious virus that we’ve discovered a cure for. Although come to think of it, you should have probably always maintained at least 6 feet of distance from Bilal Nofal.
Because Nofal was a top Hamas spy chief, “in charge of investigating suspects of espionage.” That means he sadistically tortured people he suspected of helping the Jews.
I use the past tense because on Tuesday the IDF was flying a plane over Nofal and then – yada yada yada – he experienced a SBAMD.
If you’re not up on your military acronyms, that’s a Sudden Ballistically-Assisted Molecular Disassembly.
Also, since it’s never “too soon” to mock a dead terrorist scumbag, here’s a fun fact: Bilal Nofal’s name can be disassembled and reconfigured (just like his body was on Tuesday) (HA!) into the anagrams “albino fall” and “anal fob ill.”
(Cue the NBC “The more you know” theme music.)
Ooh, I’ve got one more. If only CO would make me the honorary headline writer for Cautious Optimism, I would title the above story as follows:
“Anal Fob Ill F**ks Around with the Jews; Unexpectedly Finds Out.”
And here’s one more feel-good story, this time from Missouri, where a burglar named Darren Venneman was plying his trade of breaking into houses on Strawberry Lane in Qulin last Saturday night.
Unfortunately for him, the homeowner was a Second Amendment enthusiast, who responded by shooting him five times. In other words, Venneman got ventilated on the mean streets of Qulin, Missouri.
If by “mean streets” you mean… Strawberry Lane, I guess? Yeesh.
Venneman was airlifted to a hospital, but died of his wounds. The local sheriff says that the homeowner won’t face charges, since he acted in self-defense.
Because: Red State!
But even in common sense red states, people still have to endure the scourge of the media. And local media seemed to sympathize with the burglar, calling his death “tragic” and “untimely” and an “unforeseen tragedy.”
Though it sounds to me like his death was extremely timely, in that he broke in and was immediately – you might even say “punctually” – shot.
Also, “unforeseen” is close enough to “unexpected,” and thus worth a Simpsonian “HA-HA!” (As in, “Moron Breaks into Gun Owner’s House, is Unexpectedly Shot.”)
Nonetheless, the media story ends by expressing condolences to Venneman’s friends and family, saying, “May they find strength and support during this difficult time.”
But judging from local commenters’ reactions to the local news story posted on Facebook, the community is coping with their grief just fine.
Sample comments include, “Excellent! Good for that homeowner!” and, “Try that in a small town!!” and, “This is how we thin the herd.” and, “Bet he won’t do that again.”
Indeed. God bless Missouri!
Finally, I congratulate the always-Trump contingent of CO nation after the first caucus; the polls were accurate, and Trump’s margin of victory in Iowa was impressive.
I’m still a DeSantis supporter, and while I’m not surprised at the depth of support for Trump among the base, I’m disappointed that I won’t get to see RDS give Biden the old SBAMD in November. (Not least because I think Biden would have been forced to debate RDS at least once, and that would have been a blood bath for Brandon! I know that Trump would destroy Biden too, but by refusing to debate in the primary, he’s given Biden’s handlers the excuse to refuse a debate in the general, which he will absolutely do.)
DeSantis is a fighter, but absent a meteor strike in the next month or so he’ll have to withdraw, and Haley is farther to Trump’s left than Trump is to DeSantis’ left, and thus she’s not an option for me.
So the base has made its choice, and the die has been cast, and we must win in November, so when RDS suspends his campaign, I’ll be getting back on the Trump train with both feet.
I’m really hoping that the optimism of the super-MAGA segment of CO nation (and the entire nation) is justified. I’m more worried than that, for reasons I’ve mentioned elsewhere, but I also see some positive signs, too. The bogus lawfare cases against Trump seem to be crumbling on several fronts, and polls indicate that a lot of people (though not as many as should!) see those cases as illegitimate.
Trump still has his strengths, and if we can keep Biden from dropping out, Trump’s biggest weakness (his historically bad, underwater disapprove/approve numbers of -15 points) should be trumped by the fact that Biden is the only other pol in recent history with the same, -15 number.
And Biden’s all-around terribleness should ensure that number doesn’t get any better, and will likely get even worse!
And Trump’s numbers in Iowa remind us that you’ve got to give it to him: the man is a human tornado!
I want to see him drop out of the sky and destroy a bunch of MSM empty heads, then skip a few miles before descending and turning the DNC headquarters into kindling, then skip up again and come down on Biden’s White House and level the place.
Would I like it if he could also discipline himself, and maybe avoid dropping down and taking out some grade schools and orphanages, and some conservative subdivisions full of people who don’t love him but will support him, too?
Absolutely. And if he could say at least two or three smart and funny and true things for every counter-productive one, that would be another bonus.
His speech on Monday and his interview on Wednesday were steps in the right direction: “We’re going to make this country so successful again, I’m not gonna have time for retribution. And remember this, our ultimate retribution is success.”
Yes! More of that, please! Hamas delenda est!
Martin Simpson 