zohran-mamdani – Martin Simpson

The World can be a Pretty Predictable Place, When it Comes to Mamdani & Aussie Jihadis (posted 12/22/25)

As strange as the news often is, the world usually makes sense to me.

When a crime is committed, it’s usually by someone you most expect. If it’s a crime of violence, the perp is usually a young male with a long list of prior arrests. If an arrest involves a female who is throwing a cringe-inducing fit and making a scene, she’s going to turn out to be someone who hates her dad, would never vote conservative, and whose hair is not the color God made it.

If you tell me you saw a guy walking down the street with prominent face tattoos, I’ll have two initial questions. “Was he Jelly Roll?” and “Was he Mike Tyson?” If the answers are no, that guy is in a gang, or has done time in prison, or has a very low IQ. Often, it’s all three.

If you tell me that there was a high-profile, violent crime and that the perp reportedly screamed something right before all hell broke loose, I’m going to tell you what he did NOT scream: “Jesus loves me, THIS I KNOW!” or “That government is best which governs LEAST!” or “This is MAGA COUNTRY!”

I am too respectful to all groups to say what the person was almost certainly screaming. But it’s exactly what you are thinking right now. And it rhymes with, “Ballahu Bakbar!”

That is just a round-about way of saying that I have not been surprised by the start Mamdani is getting off to in NYC, or by the evil shooting on Bondi beach in Australia last week.

A few weeks ago Mamdani was looking to appoint someone “to advise him on the criminal justice system.” And he picked… wait for it… a convicted criminal!

Because of course he did. After all he really doesn’t like cops, and one of the first goals he articulated was to release as many criminals from New York jails as possible. In September, he criticized Eric Adams for putting more criminals in jail, and said that he’d like to release enough criminals to get down to 4000, or maybe 3700 people in jail. He didn’t say anything about releasing innocent people, or those wrongly incarcerated; he just wants more of them out and on the streets.

And if that’s your goal, why not pick a criminal to advise you on crime?

The convict in question is named Mysonne “Dirty” Linen. (Okay, I gave him the middle name. But it was sitting right there, and it would take a more mature man than me to not swing at that slow pitch over the middle.) And he did 7 years in prison in the early 90s for armed robbery.

I know what you’re thinking. Even though it was thirty years ago, and NYC hadn’t descended into the extreme soft-on-crime insanity in which it is now wallowing (and you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!), how many robberies would a criminal have to commit to end up doing 7 years?

The answer, according to the reports I read, is “a string.”

Perfect!

But after getting some blowback about that call, Mamdani realized he needed to get his act together, appointment-wise. So he did an extensive search, and on December 17th he announced with great fanfare his pick of Catherine Almonte Da Costa for Director of Appointments. Because as he said on that day, this is a “new era,” and Da Costa is “joining us…to bring top talent into this administration.”

Annnnndddd…she’s gone.

That’s right, the New Era lasted ONE DAY! Because when he did his extensive vetting, Mamdani missed something that the Anti-Defamation League came up with in 27 seconds, i.e. a bunch of 2011-12 social media posts from Da Costa opining on “rich Jewish peeps,” and “money hungry Jews smh.” (For those who don’t know social media abbreviations, “smh” doesn’t mean “stupid moronic hater,” but “shaking my head.”) She also pointed out that “the Far Rockaway Train is the Jew train.”

Gee, who could imagine that a guy who tied himself in knots to avoid rejecting the Jew-hating genocidal credo “globalize the intifada” would pick an anti-Semite to put in charge of picking his appointees?

Buckle up, NYC, because you’re about to get what you voted for – good, and hard, and glazed with incompetence, and served with a side of anti-Semitism and whitey hatred.

Even less surprising than the motley crew of miscreants and boneheads with whom Mamdani is staffing his administration, is the story behind the vicious attack on the unarmed Jews celebrating the first day of Hanukkah on Bondi beach in Australia.

Let’s connect the obvious dots. First, think through your rolodex of religions – start with Amish and go all the way through to Zoroastrians – and I think I can guess which letter you’re going to stop on. (I worked my way through college as a mentalist, billed as the “Mysterious Martini.” You may have seen me with Johnny Carson, when I was telling audience members the name of their first childhood pet, and which card was theirs.)

So I’m going to say…the letter “M.” And no, I’m not talking Methodist, or Maronite.

Another detail that makes sense: in a country that prides itself on not letting citizens have guns to protect themselves:

1. One of the few guys in the country who was allowed to have guns – and he had 6 of them, enough for him and his evil son to split the murdering duties! – was a Muslim immigrant whose son had earlier been investigated for ties to ISIS, and who had an ISIS flag in his car when he went out to kill Jews.

(Just for comparison, when my dad and I went out to do some father-and-son stuff, it was to fish, or to have a catch, or to go to a pancake breakfast at our church. But not the jihadi family. They bonded over their hatred for the Juden.)

2. It took forever for someone to show up and stop the killing. Reports I’ve read say that the shooting went on for at least 10 minutes, and possibly for 15. Just sit and look at a clock for 15 minutes. Maybe you could start the timer when the first boat hits Normandy Beach at the beginning of Saving Private Ryan, and try to get a rough count of the number of American soldiers the national socialist soldiers shot during that 10-15 minutes. That’s an unimaginably long time.

For one more comparison, a year or two ago some jackass went into a Church of Christ in Texas on a Sunday morning and started shooting worshipers. His kill count was not 15, with more than 40 injured – as was the case in “gun free” Australia – but 2. That’s a result of the killer in America opening fire in a decidedly NOT gun free zone, where the first return shot was sent his way in…I am not making this up…6 SECONDS!

Jack Wilson was in church that day, and he was strapped, as they apparently say in Church of Christ circles. He fired just one warning shot into the murderer’s head, and it was very effective. The killer fell to the floor and quickly stopped breathing, presumably so that Jack Wilson wouldn’t shoot him anymore.

Another detail: “at least 2” church members drew weapons, but Jack was the first guy on target. And that was enough.

Are you listening, Australians?

On the bright side, many people have pointed out that the guy who jumped the second terrorist and took his gun was also a Muslim, and we should appreciate that. And I agree. It’s good to remember that many Muslims are good people, even as we can acknowledge that Islam is not compatible with a Western democracy.

But we also shouldn’t fool ourselves, because no sooner than we start singing the praises of the Muslim hero who jumped the gunman, we are reminded of a larger problem: all those Muslims back in jihadi-land, and how they reacted.

The Daily Mail reported that the story of his heroism was printed in the Ramallah News, which is apparently one of the most popular news outlets in “Palestine.”

Annnnnddddd…the majority of “Palestinian” Arabs “overwhelmingly condemned him for saving Jewish lives.”

Unexpectedly!

And before the soft-headed amongst us think that it was just one or two idiots in the comments section, NOPE! Of the thousand comments on the article, 75% condemned the hero, with lots of wishes that the bullets had killed him, and promises that Allah would “chop [him] to pieces.” They basically sounded like a bunch of malevolent Democrats after Charlie Kirk was murdered. (And before, too!)

In their defense, they were following their religious worldview, which commands them to make war against unbelievers, teaches that Jews are the worst enemies of their faith, and etc.

And you don’t have to be the Mysterious Martini to predict their actions, which are consistent with that worldview. And it’s a worldview very different from Jack Wilson’s, who said that the killer who came to his church “put me in a position that I would hope no one would have to be in. But evil exists, and I had to take out an active shooter in church.”

Yes, you did. And well done.

As for the Aussies, I think they might be too far gone. After watching their police cower and do nothing for a very long time while jihadi murderers shot into a crowd of helpless, unarmed people, their prime minister immediately vowed to…toughen their gun laws even more, to ensure that the next time some law breaker attacks, the law-abiding citizens will remain defenseless.

I’d suggest he look at the areas in America where the gun laws are the strictest – like Chicago, and DC, and Baltimore – and look at the death toll in those open-air firing ranges, except that he’s obviously allergic to facts and logic.

How bad is it? Cassie the Wonder Dog – my great Aussie shepherd – has asked me to file paperwork to renounce her breed. From now on, she is going to identify as an American shepherd.

Hamas (and Trantifa) delenda est!

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I’ve Returned, With a Few Election Thoughts (posted 11/5/25)

I’m back from Maine, just in time for a horrible election showing.

I’m speaking, of course, of my incomprehensible loss – again! – in yet another People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive competition. This time I was runner-up to some British actor nobody’s ever heard of, in another instance of “always the bridesmaid, never the bride.”

Or in my case, “always the People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive Runner-Up, never People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive.” And I’m getting pretty darn sick of it.

Sure, it’s some consolation that my smokeshow wife tells me that even as an elderly gentleman, I still have the kind of smoldering good looks that, when I’m out in public and make momentary eye contact with a member of the fairer sex, swooning and an arousal-based loss of consciousness regularly ensues.

Okay, she’s never said that in so many words.

Or in any words even approaching those.

But after many decades of marriage, I can read her thoughts flawlessly at all times. (Because you know husbands are GREAT at that.) And I’m pretty sure that that’s what she thinks.

Anyway, by now the main point here is clear: the sexiest man jury at People magazine is composed solely of members of the LGBTQ+ community and those with late-stage macular degeneration. So don’t bother nominating me again next year, because I’m out!

Okay, enough tomfoolery. This election really sucked.

Not because blue candidates won in blue states. Like the Good Book says, “As a dog returns to his vomit, so a blue-state voter returns to his folly.” So despite our hopes that it would be otherwise, this isn’t a surprise.

But the depressing part is who won, and by how much.

Spanberger is a cowardly, robotic husk who couldn’t even look Winsome Earle-Sears in the eye when called to give a defense for her terrible policies. Jay Jones fantasized about murdering his political opponent, and about watching that man’s children die in their mother’s arms. And Mamdani is a nepo baby neophyte who combines the most deadly ideologies of the last century, communism and jihad. Mikie Sherrill lied about her bad behavior in the service, and is lying about it still.

Plus she’s a woman called “Mikie,” for which there is no excuse.

And yet they all won, going away. Jones, at least, was supposed to be in some trouble, as you might expect for a bloodthirsty scumbag running in an election less than 2 months after his similarly violence-loving political co-religionist murdered Charlie Kirk. But it looks like Jones still won by 4 or 5 points.

To make things worse, three Dem judges in purple PA were up for retention votes, and the voters kept all three, even though that same electorate voted for Trump last year. And in California – see the dogs and their vomit reference above – went through with Ken-Doll Newsom’s crooked gerrymandering scheme.

Unexpectedly!

I haven’t had time to think through much of this, having just been traveling, but my initial thoughts are:

1. I hope Democrat voters get what they are asking for – good, hard, and sans lubrication.

2. I wish the damage they’re about to do – especially in NYC – could be contained to themselves. But as always, there will be a lot of collateral damage, including the fact that Florida is about to get more crowded.

3. We need to make Mamdani the face of the Democrat party. Because thanks to a benevolent God, the rest of America isn’t New York City, politically speaking. And we should hang that smirking, incompetent, anti-Semitic commie around the DNC’s neck, as the city descends into an ever-more dysfunctional, Dinkins-ian morass of filth, crime and red ink.

4. We need to gerrymander every red state in the country, ASAP. The Dems have mastered that strategy, and we need to fight fire with fire, or surrender the midterms before they’ve even begun.

I’ll be back with a regular column in the next day or two. In the meantime, and as always…

Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!

The Self-Inflicted Wound that is Zohran Mamdani (posted 7/2/25)

When I left off yesterday, I was just getting to the new leftist blunderkind, the likely future mayor of New York City, Zohran Mamdani.

And I know what you’re thinking: “Zohran” is a good name for a Mongol raider, or a Martian emperor, or perhaps something from Pfizer that you can use to treat your dermatitis. (“Ask your doctor about extra-strength Zohran. Side effects may include racial tension and economic palpitations, and in rare situations, rectal bleeding and civilizational collapse.”)

But it’s not a good name for a New York City mayor. And unfortunately, his name is the least objectionable thing about him. He’s a 34-year-old trust-fund socialist Muslim Jew-hater who’s never had a real job. He graduated from Bowdoin (unexpectedly!) with a degree in Africana studies (unexpectedly!) where he also co-founded the school’s chapter of “Students for Justice in Wakanda.”

Sorry, that should be “Students for Justice in Palestine.” Got my non-existent countries mixed up there.

Since graduation, he’s followed a career path of being a professional useless person, in such positions as volunteer, activist and agitator. You know your resume is thin when the most prominent job you’ve held is “failed rapper.”

And by the way, how the hell does someone fail at rapping? Lose your rhyming dictionary?

I mean, I’m almost as white as Liz Warren (#wemustneverstopmockingher), and even I can rap.

Here you go:

Zohran’s bad, he makes me mad,

my dog is sad, no one’s glad.

He oughta be mayor of Islamabad.

Beeyotch!”

Now go watch one of Zohran’s old rap videos, and tell me my rap wasn’t just as good.

In fact, tomorrow morning I’m going to take a whack at writing my Grammy acceptance speech. And while I can’t tell you exactly what that will entail, I can tell you the last lines right now: “Shout out to Tom Petty, Rest in Power! Thank you for your attention to this matter.”

Just kidding. If any of you ever hear me say, “Rest in Power,” you have my permission to shoot me in the face with whatever firearm is closest to hand.

Anyway, Zohran is terrible in many ways. As someone has noted in the past, NYC is already Sodom, but with Soviet Economics. And ZM said to himself, “Why not go for the trifecta and throw some Jew hatred in there too? See how that goes?”

Z’s long history of anti-Semitism is already causing some deliciously entertaining leftist-on-leftist infighting in Democrat circles. A deranged HuffPo article on Senator Kirstin Gillibrand calling out Zohran’s bigotry featured someone named Sanjana Karanth (gesundheit) turning the dishonesty dial up to 11.

She described Gillibrand’s accurate statements as “a shockingly racist tirade” and “the lie that Mamdani endorses rhetoric that endangers Jewish New Yorkers, without mentioning the anti-Muslim hate rising alongside anti-Semitism.”

Yes. Karanth (Bless you. Do you need a tissue?) makes a great point, because we are all aware of the tidal wave of hatred directed toward Muslims in America.

Such as the Jewish massacre of 11 peaceful Muslims worshiping at the Tree of Life synagogue, and the evil Egyptian rabbi who just lit a bunch of peacefully protesting Muslims on fire in Boulder, and the Torah-studying villain who shot that young Muslim couple outside the Capital Jewish Museum in DC last month, and—

No, wait. My crack research staff tells me that those were all attacks and murders of Jews. I would recount the hundreds of recent hate-crime attacks on Muslims in America, but when I asked Siri for that list, she just laughed at me until I had to turn her off. So my bad.

Zohran has repeatedly called for “globalizing the Intifada.” Of course Zohran, his apologists, many Islamists, and Sanjana Karanth have a conveniently ahistorical response, pointing out that “intifada” just means “struggle.”

Regular readers know that since I retired I am working on learning German, and it just so happens that I know the German word for “struggle.” Which is “Kampf.”

As in, “Mein Kampf.”

Which is NOT comforting, Zohran! Especially since I’m sure that Hitler’s manifesto – if translated into Arabic – would be a big seller among Zohran’s co-religionists. And “Mein Intifada” does not sound any better than the original!

Even in a party lousy with anti-Semites, Zohran has distinguished himself. Or as the great Babylon Bee put it, “Hamas Claims Responsibility for NYC Mayoral Primary.”

But Zohran the Merciless doesn’t just hate Jews. He hates whitey and rich people too! Like most innumerate socialists, he’s promising the world to poor people: free buses, free healthcare, nearly free grocery stores (Yay, USSR!), and rent control forever! Ironically, the majority of the poor and black voters went for Cuomo, while it was the woke white college graduates who went strongest for Zohran. Unexpectedly!

Or, as the Babylon Bee also put it, “Dems Discover Innovative Strategy of Promising Free Stuff to Stupid People.”

Zohran was dumb enough to say that he specifically wants to raise taxes on those in “richer and whiter neighborhoods,” and crunchy granola AWFLs were dumb enough to say, “Thank you sir, may I have another.”

Thus proving that racists who hate minorities are dead wrong. Because there is nobody on God’s green earth dumber than a white, leftist, blue-city resident at the ballot box.

But the suicide-vest cherry on this intifada sundae is that Zohran has vowed that NYC is going to defy ICE deportation efforts. After referring to the recent arrest of an illegal at Federal Plaza by ICE agents, Mamdani vowed that “those days are going to come to an end when I’m the mayor.”

Oh man, I am hoping that we can get this fight on pay-per-view!

In one corner, it’s wimpy Zohran with his history of accomplishing nothing and nearly crying when he talks about mean tweets he’s received (he really did that), as he enters the ring waving copies of his grievance studies diploma and Mao’s Little Red Book.

In the other corner we have Hulk Homan™, with his bulldog head, Popeye forearms and gravelly voice, who almost certainly has chunks of MS-13 gang members in his stool, and who enters the arena waving a copy of the US code saying that illegals can be deported forthwith.

Not since Mike Tyson in his prime took on that malnourished pre-teen suffering from asthma, spina bifida, rickets and childhood macular degeneration…

And just when I thought I couldn’t respect Zohran less, he took a page from the playbooks of Cankles McPantsuit (“Ah ain’t noways tie-uhd.”) and Que Mala (“Ya bettuh thank ah union membuh!”), and got caught adopting different accents to pander to different crowds.

Videos of him from his rapping days and also more recently show him doing an Indian accent so pronounced that he made Apu from the Simpsons sound like Professor Henry Higgins. During an interview, a New York reporter called him out on the issue. Unexpectedly!

No, this time I’m being serious. Because this time, it really WAS unexpected!

Zohran said – in perfectly unaccented English — “New Yorkers, more than they hate someone they disagree with, hate someone they can’t trust.” (By the way, you had us at “they hate.”)

The reporter said, “On the issue of trust, you’ve adopted different speaking accents in different scenarios. Is there one that’s real and one that’s affected?”

He lamely replied that, “There are different parts of my life. Here in New York City, this is how I speak.”

Ugh. Will the Democrat base never learn? Normal people like authentic people. One of the greatest compliments you can hear about a celebrity is “he’s the same person when the cameras are off as when the cameras are on him.”

Even if a politician or celebrity has some rough edges, we like to know that he or she is not a phony.

For example, I’d bet my house that grade school Tom Homan was exactly the same as Tom Homan now, only smaller.

I picture him playing basketball at recess, when a tough kid from a different school hops the fence and grabs the ball from a smaller kid and starts shooting baskets. And young pre-Hulk Homan confronts the kid.

“If you know the Playground Rules, you’ll know that rule 7a is that nobody who doesn’t attend this school can play on this playground. Now I’m going to give you to the count of 3 to get back on the other side of that fence. 1…”

And on “2” he head butts the kid into next week, then picks him up and tosses him over the fence like a Martha’s Vineyard liberal tossing the illegals whom DeSantis flew there onto the first bus out of town.

And Donald Trump sounds like Donald Trump, for good and ill, wherever he is.

Close your eyes. Trump at the supper table, when he’s 8 years old…

Well, you’ve got to open your eyes. Because I’m writing this, and you’re reading it. But you know what I mean.

Trump at supper, age 8:

“Mom, this was a fantastic meatloaf. Fantastic! Nobody’s ever had meatloaf like this. Other people say that meatloaf is their least favorite meal. They’d rate it at the bottom of all foods, if it even got a rating at all. And yet, this one was terrific! Frankly, you have made meatloaf great again.”

The same guy, 70 years later, meeting with the Pope:

“Hey, your Holiness, I want to apologize for our last guy. I know you’re too righteous to say it, but I’m not: he was our worst president, even before he came here and sh*t on the guy before you, pardon my French. Just a disgrace. Anyway, I’d appreciate it if you’d put in a good word for me with the Man Upstairs, because I am surrounded by the lowest IQ Democrats ever. Just between you and me, they don’t know what the f**k they are doing, you know? Hey, do you still get to ride around in the Popemobile?”

And, scene.

So let’s recap. Trump is five months in, and he’s got the highest approval ratings he’s ever had. Groceries, gas and inflation are down, and the border is closed. The right track-wrong track numbers are up, military recruitment is up, and Iranian nuke sites and scientists are up.

As in “blown up.”

The stock market has recovered, the BBB appears poised to pass, Trump is handing out EOs like Joe Frazier handing out naps, and SCOTUS is slapping down leftist judges’ TROs like Macron’s wife slapping Macron. Harvard is trembling, Rosie has fled to Ireland. And Trump is in the process of crushing his enemies, seeing them driven before him, and listening to the lamentations of their men who identify as women.

And the Democrats are about to elect a cosplaying Communist jihadi who couldn’t run a lemonade stand to run NYC straight into the ground, a process which should be well underway about the time people are going to the polls in next year’s midterms.

To paraphrase an optimistic Elwood Blues talking to Joliet Jake right before the iconic car chase, it’s 17 months to the midterms, we’ve got a full tank of gas, a half a pack of EOs, things look dark for the Dems, and we’re wearing sunglasses.

So we’ve got that going for us.

Hamas delenda est!