We’re already 5 days into October, so it’s past time for a “Best of September” post.
Item 1. Trump’s 9/17 speech to the UN. The smart set MSM types all had their dresses over their heads about how outrageous his comments were, and how unpresidential, and how rude. I found myself mostly agreeing with them, and yet coming to the exact opposite conclusion. Which is: he’s speaking to the wretched hive of scum and villainy that is the UN – it’s metaphysically impossible to be rude enough to those people.
Here’s the part where I give my spiel on Trump: didn’t vote for him in the primary, half of what he says makes me slap my forehead, not a consistent ideological conservative, etc.
And yet. We all know what a president is supposed to sound like at the UN. Just like Obama sounded, according to the MSM. And I’ll agree that he had a glib, superficially smooth delivery. But what he said was either bland, multicultural boilerplate – the community of nations is just peachy, we must respect other country’s belief systems, only by working together can we be successful and just — or awful, leftist America-bashing: we’re deeply flawed, we have too often been arrogant, dismissive, even derisive, etc.
Compare that to Trump’s message: we’re paying way too much for the UN, we can’t allow the Iran nuke agreement to give cover for their jihadi leaders to get nuclear weapons, and we are celebrating the 230th anniversary of our constitution, which is the best constitution ever, believe me.
Yes, yes, and hell yes.
And then he called Porky Nork “rocket man,” and warned him that we’ll destroy him if he gets froggy with his nukes. (And by the way, thanks loads, Bill Clinton, for giving us the deal that ensured that the Norks wouldn’t get nukes… right until the minute that they got nukes. Nice job, Handsy McGroperton!)
Admit it: you laughed when you first saw that “Rocket Man” line. Rachel Maddow and Mika and the Mensa members on the View, on the other hand, were horrified! How could he be so disrespectful to a foreign leader?!
Yeah. The foreign leader who has his rivals executed in barbarous ways, and has starved and enslaved millions of his countrymen, and has been firing missiles over and around his neighbors in recent months. Plus his haircut is a crime against humanity, and he had Hans Blix killed by a shark in a giant aquarium.
I just love the image of dozens of translators sweating into their collars as they tried to decide how to translate “rocket man” into their various languages in a way that would make sense.
Item 2. On September 27th, Michelle Obama addressed a conference in Boston, during which she helpfully lectured the millions of women who voted for Trump last November. She said, “Any woman who voted against Hillary voted against their own voice.”
And that might be true, if you are a woman whose voice sounds like this: “What difference, at this point, does it make?!! CAW, CAW. Why am I not 50 points ahead, you might ask! CAW. Hey, sweetheart, stop tricking my husband into exposing himself and sexually assaulting you! CAW, CAW, CAW.”
I know that as you read those words, you heard her voice in your head, and for that I apologize. Nobody deserves that.
But seriously, Michelle, please keep lecturing us about how we are too stupid to know what’s best for us, and how any gyno-American who voted against Hillary betrayed the sisterhood. We get it. You think we’re all Nazis, and sexists and deplorables and the rest. I’m sure that that smug condescension is going to work just great for you in 2020.
In other great Michelle-related news, she said that she’s writing a book, which is about – and I’m not making this up — “being her authentic self.”
Ugh. I’m going out on a limb here, and guess that it might also include some stirring passages about “speaking my truth,” or “building bridges instead of walls,” or having “the courage to speak truth to power?”
Let me suggest that if you were thinking about getting rid of your knitting needles — now that you’ve used them to gouge out your eyes after seeing those Antifa-member mugshots last week — hang on. I’m sure Michelle’s book will be available in an audio version.
And those knitting needles can also be used to pierce your ear drums, too. So, you’re welcome.
Item 3. Speaking of fine literature, Melania Trump was asked to help celebrate National Reading Day by choosing some children’s books to donate to one school in each state. She picked some Dr. Seuss books that she has enjoyed reading with her son.
When the books arrived at a school in Massachusetts, the leftist librarian said, “We really appreciate the generous gifts for our students. Even though we have our differences with the White House, we’d really have to be petty, small-minded a-holes to politicize this totally inoffensive gesture. Thank you, Mrs. Trump. PS, love the stilettoes. I wish I could pull those off, but I’m frumpy and unattractive. And yet, it hasn’t made me bitter, and I’m not at all tempted to transfer my rage at my own disappointments into confrontational, nasty political fight-picking.”
HA! I tricked you! That’s not what she said at all.
What she said was that Dr. Seuss books are full of racism, and that the American education system is broken, and most kids are poor, and it’s all Trump’s fault. Now please shove these books up your infuriatingly attractive rear end, Melania. (Those are not direct quotes, but they capture the stunning, ill-mannered gracelessness of her response. Read it, and tell me I’m wrong – I dare you.)
Like you, my first instinct was to laugh at the absurdity of claiming that Dr. Seuss books are racist. But, because I take my awesome responsibility of reporting to CO nation seriously, I decided to do my due diligence. It’s been a long time since I read Dr. Seuss, and I have to admit that I had forgotten a lot of it. So I went to my local library.
I was shocked to find that she was right! Consider these Dr. Seuss titles that I had not remembered:
The Cat in the Pointy White Hood
Green Eggs and Miscegenation
The Grinch Who Stole Kwanzaa
One fish, two fish, red fish, white supremacist
Horton Hears a Racist Dog Whistle
So good job, leftist librarian! You keep fighting the good fight against reality, self-awareness and good manners.
Finally, Item 4. After a hurricane hit Puerto Rico, the creepy far-left mayor of San Juan, Carmen Yulin “Don’t Call me Ted” Cruz, took time out of her busy schedule of not improving the lives of her city’s citizens to criticize how Trump was to blame for the storm and the horrible response to it.
Having recently been threatened by a hurricane myself, I’m predisposed to sympathy for Puerto Ricans and the stress and hardship they are under. But I also finding myself questioning why God couldn’t have found it in His heart to drop a palm tree (or maybe a live electrical wire) on this woman’s empty head.
First, she gave a speech to the press from a warehouse-like area, during which she thundered about how her people were dying, and she was mad as hell, and not enough was being done to help.
The best thing about that speech: she was standing in front of stack after stack of pallets of supplies that had been delivered by the United States government. Press reports soon had to admit that the feds had flooded Puerto Rico with material and assistance, but the Puerto Rican infrastructure and human resources were initially unable to transport the supplies from the port to their citizens, creating a bottleneck. Which was entirely Trump’s fault, because as the mayor of a major Puerto Rican city, it’s his job to—
Oh, wait.
That evening, the totally unbiased and fair Anderson Cooper interviewed the mayor. She was wearing a shirt bearing the professionally printed words “Help Us We Are Dying.” (By the way, that was the worst name for a Led Zeppelin tour ever. The best ever? Ted Nugent, “Intensities in Ten Cities.” Take that, racist Dr. Seuss.)
Because the best use of your time and resources if you are trying to cope with a natural disaster is to mobilize your forces and have some politicized t-shirts printed up. I mean, that’s Crisis Management 101.
Her interview was a smorgasbord of stupid. Some highlights were when Anderson asked her if people really were dying, and she stuck to her guns. Yes, people were going hungry and thirsty, and old people had to be evacuated from nursing homes, and they weren’t getting dialysis, and the power wasn’t back on yet. I waited for Anderson to point out that she has been presiding over a quasi-3rd world city where that has been happening every Wednesday and on alternative weekends before any storm hit. But alas, I waited in vain.
She did mention that the US response to Haiti had been “so good, and we were all so proud,” and by comparison, the current response was much worse. For some reason, Anderson didn’t point out that the Haitian hurricane in 2016 killed approximately 600 Haitians, while as the mayor was speaking, there had been 16 confirmed deaths in Puerto Rico.
In case you are not good at math, let me help. A response that limits deaths to 600 when a Democrat is president is “so good,” and makes us “so proud.” But a response that allows the Puerto Rican death count to balloon up to 16 when a Republican is president is disgraceful, and probably evidence of a Dr. Seussian amount of anti-Puerto Rican racism.
Got that?
Martin Simpson 