The last half of February was a target-rich environment of leftist shenanigans, from the Dems’ vaunted memo dropping (and then sinking without leaving a ripple), to leftist Olympians mouthing off and then under-performing. But two stories — one that no one noticed, and the other that we can’t stop talking about — most caught my attention. Both happened on Valentine’s Day.
First, Elizabeth Warren gave me a sweet, sweet present. She spoke at the National Congress of American Indians (am I wrong to have never heard of this group before?), and steered into the skid of her ridiculous, oft-told fairy tale that she is Native American. She reaffirmed her transparently false family story – grammy was part Indian, granddad’s family didn’t like that, so they eloped.
This story has been extensively researched – and extensively debunked – and the smart thing would have been for Warren to let that old story get older. But she hasn’t learned the old Clinton scam: grope and then force yourself on the interns, and then claim they are all trailer trash who are lying.
No, wait. Not that Clinton scam. The other Clinton scam: start a phony foundation to sell influence to a Star War’s bar scene full of miscreants, ne’er-do-wells and jackanapes, making millions doing it.
No, wait. Man, you need a score card to keep the Clinton scams straight. Let me go through my Clinton Scandal rolodex: sell missile technology to the Chicoms, put an illiterate bouncer in charge of going through the private FBI files of your political enemies, rent out the Lincoln Bedroom like it was a mob-controlled hot pillow joint in Hell’s Kitchen, spread STDs far and wide like a priapic Johnny Appleseed (but instead of Granny Smiths, you’re tossing gonorrhea in your wake)…
Got it: this is the scam where you lie and dodge and fight in the courts to delay news of your terrible behavior coming to light. Then, when the scandal is ultimately proven, shrug your shoulders and call it “old news,” and say that it’s time to move on.
THAT’s the old Clinton scam that the Nordic Cherokee has not learned. She used fake Indian ancestry to get an affirmative action job at Harvard, and launch her academic and later political career. And she contributed a few alleged Indian recipes for Oklahoma Crab Bisque to a cookbook called (I’m not kidding) Pow Wow Chow. (This clever recipe would definitely fool anyone who has never seen a crab, or been to Oklahoma, or is otherwise unable to look up either crabs or Oklahoma.)
But that’s done. It’s in the past. Or it would be, if she wasn’t stupid enough to bring it up again in front of the National Congress of American Indians!
Look, Liz, you’ve got to face facts. You’re the least convincing Indian since Cher put on a bedazzled loincloth with a ginormous headdress and sang Half Breed. (Watch that on Youtube right now, if you haven’t seen it.) Or since an entire cast of buckskin-wearing vaguely ethnic extras made the tv show F-Troop (Youtube. Right now!) Larry Storch, who was supposed to be a white soldier, was a more convincing Indian than you.
Remember Iron Eyes Cody, the Indian who cried over litter in commercials? (Youtube, I tell’s ya!) He was not an Indian. He was an Italian guy named Vito Lucchese Siciliano, or something like that. But at least he had dark skin and dark eyes, and changed his name to “Iron Eyes.”
You’re blonde, and blue eyed, and you look like a New England WASP who is none too pleased that the help is getting a little chatty as she dusts the cherry wood harpsicord that great-great-great-grandfather brought over with him on the Mayflower. And your name is ELIZABETH! First it was Elizabeth Herring, and then you married some sap named Warren.
And you know what no librarian has ever said, when surrounded by a semi-circle of bright-eyed four-year olds, on a faded carpet near the circulation desk? “Gather round, kids, and I’ll tell you story of when the noble Sauk Herrings went on the war path against the fearsome Chickasaw Warrens!”
You’re a doddering old white lady, Liz, and you’re as phony as a Clinton wedding vow, and we will never stop mocking you.
Right now, some of you are probably thinking, why is Martin still on the warpath (HA!) against Forked-Tongue Warren? I didn’t hear anything about her talk to the wigwam convention.
That’s because the same day Lizzie was addressing the Indians, a lunatic was murdering school kids in Florida.
This is such a sad story, and I’m sure you’re all sick to death of it by now. So I won’t dwell on the details, other than to say the obvious: this kid presented more red flags than a May Day parade in Moscow. Consider: 39 previous police calls to his house, his own mom met with the police about him, he had violent and threatening social media posts going back several years, and many people saw something and said something to the local FBI. Who promptly dropped the ball, and didn’t follow up.
Which makes sense. Because as long as phantom Russian hookers might be allegedly peeing on hotel beds somewhere in the Eastern bloc, you can’t waste valuable man hours (no offense) on trivial things like powder keg loons threatening school massacres. Priorities, people!
Ugh. Rather than re-hash the tragic story of that day, I’ve got a few thoughts about the aftermath, when CNN hit a new low, even for CNN.
I’m referring, of course, to last Wednesday night’s Howling Mob Straw Man Bonfire– er, Town Hall Meeting. The whole thing was sickening, from Jake Tapper’s egging on the knuckle-dragging no-nothings in the crowd, to Sheriff Scott “Barney Fife’s less competent cousin” Israel’s dishonest blame-shifting, to the way that Dana Loesch and Marco Rubio were ambushed and abused by screaming morons.
I do see a silver lining in that town hall, though. I think it is likely to be a moment of bracing clarity, when the bad-faith gun grabbers showed their true, and truly ugly, colors. After watching that, everyone but the farthest left slice of the population knows two things:
- There are some really angry, ignorant and bullying people in this country who are determined to take all guns away from law-abiding citizens if they can ever get the power to do so.
- You cannot count on law enforcement – even well-meaning and well-led law enforcement, which the Parkland police and local FBI office clearly were not – to protect you when a bad guy with a gun goes on a rampage.
I can’t think of a better motivational advertisement for the 2nd amendment and the NRA than showing any given two-minute segment from that town hall debacle.
And while a couple of the smug, uninformed kids (whom CNN is busy turning into celebrities) may be truly grating, you’ve got to cut them at least a little slack because of their youth and naivete and (I assume) terribly under-performing parents. Not so with Scott Israel, the new front runner in “America’s Worst Sheriff” competition.
By the way, the Jewish state has just released a statement, which I quote in its entirety: “The State of Israel would like to clarify that we are in no way related to Sheriff Scott Israel. Really. His last name is a total coincidence. Wait. Okay, it turns out he is Jewish. But he’s not a resident of the State of Israel. And we’ve got some of our best people working on having him convert to something else. Anything, really. Scott, if you’re watching, Episcopalian might be the way to go. Also, we’ve heard good things about Zoroastrianism. So, in conclusion, and to summarize: Scott Israel — NOT an Israeli. Thank you.”
That reminds me: I am NOT related to famous running back and wife-murderer OJ Simpson, or creepy Fusion GPS co-founder Glenn Simpson. (Any resemblance to either Bart or Homer are also completely coincidental.) But I may be a distant relative of Ulysses Simpson Grant, because he was a bad a** Republican who whipped some slave-holding Democrats and looked mighty fine in a greatcoat, sitting on a horse.
Where was I?
Oh yeah, colossal hypocrite and non-Israeli Scott Israel. The guy had the gall to pander to the crowd and go after Dana Loesch, but from the minute that televised would-be lynch mob ended, one damning fact after another about Israel (the terrible sheriff, not the nation) has come to light. His department was called to the shooter’s house dozens of times, his armed deputy stood outside the school, etc. His reputation is in tatters, and if there’s any justice, he’ll soon be fired and driven from polite society
Hey, I just got another great idea. (“ANOTHER one?” I can hear the sarcastic among you saying.) (I’m not going to dignify that with a response.)
Every state should have a “most infamous Democrat” associated with it, just to remind citizens of every state how bad that party is. In fact, maybe some CO readers would like to nominate a high profile Dem candidate from their state?
I’ll start: from California, how about malevolent multi-millionaire mummy (ahhh, sweet alliteration) Nancy Pelosi? From Pennyslvania, depraved abortionist Kermit Gosnell. From Illinois, two nominees are battling it out: Rahm “dead-shark-eyes” Emmanuel, and Dick “no one ever calls him Richard” Durbin. From Colorado (specifically South Park, CO), Adam “Mr. Mackey” Schiff (m’kay?). From Massachusetts, the afore-mentioned Pale-Faced Pocohontas Warren (never. stop. mocking.).
Until recently, Florida was most ably represented by cowboy-pimp-hat-wearing moonbat Frederica Wilson. But step aside FW, because there’s a new Sheriff in town: Scott Israel.