I was on the road for much of the last week, and was able to follow the news just enough to pick out a few of my favorite things from the last half of October.
You know how if you condense coal under enough pressure, it turns into a diamond? Well I have a theory that if you did the same thing with a block of a wood – if you exerted such enormous forces that it was forced into a tiny, infinitely dense sliver of super-thick wood – you would not end up with a glossy piece of wood-colored jewelry sure to impress your romantic partner.
You would end up with the cerebral cortex of Don Lemon.
What follows is a quote from Lemon, which I swear to God I am not making up. He said it in front of a television camera, while apparently sober, on October 29th: “We have to stop demonizing people and realize the biggest terror threat in this country is white men, most of them radicalized to the right, and we have to start doing something about them.”
Now if you listen to the speech of garden variety idiots – say a drunk in a bar just before closing time, or an ancient Roman who had been drinking water laced with lots of lead, or someone driving a Prius with “Coexist” and “I’m With Her” bumper stickers on it – you’ll notice those folks contradicting themselves a lot.
They’ll say something like, “Gender doesn’t exist,” and five minutes later they’ll say, “Men are terrible, and women are great.” Or they’ll say, “Homophobia is evil,” and ten minutes later they’ll say, “We can’t judge Muslims for throwing gays off buildings, because they come from a different culture.”
You can probably make a rough judgment about the intelligence of those people by how much time lapses between their contradictory statements. Because you’d have to be a real dope to push two of those statements together without noticing that they contradict each other, right?
Again, Don Lemon: “We have to stop demonizing people and realize that the biggest terror threat in this country is white men…”
Translation: We must not demonize. Have I mentioned that white men are demons?
Even that paraphrase can’t capture Lemon’s physics-defying stupidity. Because there is at least a period separating those two sentences. But in his version, there is only the humble coordinating conjunction “and” between his two contradictory statements.
Speaking of racism-revealing coordinating conjunctions – and to all those who thought I wouldn’t be able to deftly deploy a grammatical-parts-of-speech transition, BOOM! – have you heard the latest gaffe from the Indiana Senate debate?
It seems that Democrat Joe Donnelly is inexplicably leading in his reelection campaign, and he had a debate last week. Of course, the moderator asked him how he would promote diversity. (Because that’s the best way to uphold and advance the greatest experiment in democratic self-government in the history of the solar system: create a giant Excel spread sheet and fill it with a count of the genitalia and skin colors of all job applicants. Thanks, you SJW jerks!)
Donnelly said — and again, this is a real quote – “Our state director is Indian American, but he does an amazing job. Our director of all constituent services, she’s African American, but she does an even more incredible job than you could ever imagine.”
Afterwards, many people pointed out to Donnelly that “but” is a coordinating conjunction which connotes contrast, so his comments seemed to be racially insensitive. He didn’t seem to get that, so I came up with a few examples of my own, to try to explain the error of his ways:
- My friend is an Asian female, yet she is not a terrible driver.
- My boss is Irish, but I’ve never seen him passed out drunk in a puddle of his own vomit.
- My cousin votes a straight Democrat ticket, yet he can dress himself and is relatively high functioning.
Some of you are probably thinking, “C’mon, Martin. You’re too smart, and insightful – and dammit, ruggedly good-looking too – to think that Donnelly said something truly offensive. It was obviously just an innocent slip of the tongue.”
To which I would say, “Thanks, thanks — and aw, shucks, these are just the chiseled features and strong jawline that God gave me – and I could almost give Donnelly a pass.”
But then I remember 2012, when Mitt Romney said that he had “binders full of women” and the Democrats and the media (but I repeat myself) pretended to believe that The Cleanest Man in Utah™ commonly deployed handcuffs and restraints and other devices favored by those of a Clintonian persuasion when working with members of the fairer sex. And I’d declare that all Democrats have officially given up their “innocent slip of the tongue” passes.
Then I’d fight fire with fire, lefty-style: I’d point out that Donnelly apparently believes that his staffers are managing to overcome their Indian and African heritage and do good work in spite of those terrible handicaps. Is that the kind of racist whom Indianans want to represent them in the Senate? Won’t they please think of the children? Who, I feel obligated to point out, are our future?
Speaking of white leftists who say pretty racially offensive things but somehow don’t seem to pay any price for it, how about that Hillary Clinton? She was recently interviewed by someone named Kara Swisher in front of a lefty audience, and Swisher asked her what she thought of Cory Booker.
Instead of the only logical response – taking a long drink of water, then doing a volcanic spit take and howling, “Spartacus? Are you kidding me?!” – she said that she adores him. When Swisher asked how Hillary felt about Booker’s comment about when the GOP goes low, we should kick them, Hillary corrected her: Eric Holder had said that.
Then Hillary ad libbed: “I know, they all look alike.”
Now that’s the kind of joke that minority politicians could tell on themselves and get away with it. But if you haven’t noticed, Hillary is white.
I mean, she’s not as retina-searing, lacking-in-all-pigment white as Lizzie Warren. (#wemustneverstopmockingher). But she’s pretty white. She puts the CAW in “Caucasian.”
Sorry. That was beneath me. But at this point, what difference does it make?
Where was I? Oh yeah. Democrats and the infuriating racism double standard.
There’s been a lot of talk since Trump’s election of the “dog whistle” of racism, and I think that is a telling metaphor.
First, it’s species-ist, and thus extremely offensive to someone of my delicate sensibilities.
Second, it’s another way of saying “racism that is a figment of leftists’ imagination.” In the past several weeks, I’ve heard leftists say that it’s a “dog whistle” to, among other things:
- say that we shouldn’t allow people to stay here who broke our country’s laws to get here
- say that admission to our universities should depend on merit and not skin color
- say that America should be a melting pot
That’s not real racism. Real racism isn’t super subtle, and it doesn’t take preternatural listening skills to pick up on it.
For an example, take the racism of Democrats. Please.
When they ran the confederacy and fought until Lincoln and the Republicans defeated them and freed their slaves, there was nothing subtle about their racism. After they lost the war, Democrats like Nathan Bedford Forrest formed the KKK, not a group famous for the subtlety of their hatreds.
As the decades went by, Democrats passed Jim Crow laws and instituted poll taxes and fought integration tooth and nail. The closest thing to a dog whistle ever deployed by southern Democrats like Bull Connor and George Wallace and Orville Faubus was actual dogs, attacking black folks while they were simultaneously being blasted with firehoses.
No one ever had to get out their decoder rings or read any tea leaves to figure out the meaning of a burning cross on their lawn, or a “Whites Only” sign, or a lynched relative.
Now I don’t think it’s fair to tar today’s Democrat leadership with the sins of their political ancestors. But they have plenty to answer for on their own.
When Obama said that his mother feared black people because she was a “typical white person,” that was no dog whistle. When Screwy Louie Farrakhan calls Jews “termites,” you don’t have to read between the lines to get his point. (And when Obama takes a picture with him after he’s talked about evil Jews and white devils for decades?) When Pelosi and Schumer et al claim that blacks couldn’t possibly get their act together enough to procure ID to vote, that’s some 160-proof racism.
I could go on with examples for pages. Jessie Jackson calling NYC “hymie-town.” Al Sharpton – whom the MSM and fellow Democrats treated like a legitimate candidate – inciting murder with references to “white interlopers” and “diamond merchants.” Andrew Gillum’s college buddy and campaign aide caught on tape by Project Veritas last week raving about what a “cracker state” Florida is. Etc. and etc.
And what does the Left have? David Duke and dog whistles. And David Duke has as much to do with the GOP as Duke Ellington or the Duke of Earl.
If there’s any justice, the lefties won’t be rewarded for their all-around awfulness in the mid-terms, about which I’m putting together some thoughts for a column on Monday.
In the meantime, I hope that Hillary and Obama and Don Lemon all stay on the air 24/7, reminded us all of just how terrible and obnoxious they are.