Well, the elections last week certainly didn’t go the way I would have liked. Kentucky elected a Dem governor, and Virginia’s state government went solidly Dem, too. I can’t pretend to have followed these elections real closely. As part of my “life is too short to spend too much of it on following politics” philosophy, I try to restrict my political attention span to those issues which might directly affect me (national elections and those in my home state and town).
What little I’ve read suggests that the GOP KY governor was very unpopular (MSM message: It’s a referendum on Trump!), and the VA elections have been increasingly shaped by a burgeoning population of immigrants, and government workers in the DC ring counties (MSM message: It’s a referendum on Trump!)
(By the way, the only election that was NOT a referendum on Trump, according to the MSM: that time when Trump won the presidency.)
But I wish my fellow citizens in VA good luck with their choice. And because they don’t have my sweet, prognosticating wizard hat — which I keep in my climate-control hat-storage unit, between my high school football helmet on one side and my Martacus-style Roman centurion helmet on the other – I’d suggest that they look to Detroit, Baltimore and San Francisco for a preview of their bright future under leftist governance.
In other words, stock up on your fecal shovels and those inversion table things that allow you to be suspended upside down, so that your wallet and all of your change will fall out on the ground, to be snatched up by your greedy local pols.
(By the way, I saw the Fecal Shovels open for the Sex Pistols in 1975. Killer show!)
In sports news, the World Series was played a week or two ago. Unfortunately, since they scheduled it during football season, I had to miss all of the games. Still, the late, great Charles Krauthammer was one of my heroes, and he loved the Washington National, so I’m glad that they won.
Speaking of blindingly obvious left-wing media bias – and though you didn’t know we were speaking of that, we were — how about that MSM coverage of the World Series? It seems that Trump went to see one of the games, and received a lot of booing, along with some cheering. So naturally, Brian Stelter ran and leapt into the “Giant-Dishonest-Human-Thumb-mobile,” raced it across town to CNN headquarters, and sprint-waddled in front of the cameras to gleefully crow about Trump’s getting booed. The rest of the MSM – Squinty, Snarly, Butch-Cut, and even Dan Rather, who’d wandered into a coat closet in a Radisson and started babbling into a coat hanger that he thought was a microphone – followed suit. They could barely contain their excitement.
Several days later, the Nationals win, and go to the White House, and one of their star players puts on a MAGA hat and makes the kind of fawning, pro-Trump speech that all of the other athletes aimed at Obama for 8 solid years.
The total number of minutes that the entire MSM devoted to the pro-Trump baseball story? Think of AOC’s IQ. Then subtract 27.
That’s right: zero.
And on the topic of zeroes, Kamala Harris seems to have stabilized her support in the primaries. But don’t worry: she’s got a plan to get herself back up into the 2s and 3s. And then — if Deval Patrick is flying with Michael Bloomberg on his private jet, and that jet ingests a flock of Canadian geese and then plunges into a high school gym in Iowa where all of the other Democrat candidates are debating, and the jet fuel ignites and burns the gym to the ground – Kamala Harris will be ready to make her move!
Her latest exploitative publicity stunt was to appear on MSNBC’s ironically named program “Live” (reaching an audience in the dozens) in the wake of a high school shooting in CA to push for a gun law that would have had no effect whatsoever on the shooting that she was there to exploit. But at least she made a cogent, clear-headed, logos-filled argument on the topic.
HA! I kid. She made the kind of cringe-inducing fallacy-laden emotional screed that we’ve come to expect from her: “I have looked at autopsy photographs. I have hugged the parents of murdered children. This has to stop being a partisan issue, an intellectual issue, an ideological issue. I dare the people that stand on circumstances. I dare them to look at the autopsy photos of their babies, I dare them, and then vote their conscience.”
How many kinds of wrong are there in that short quote? Let me count:
- She’s looked at some gross autopsy photos, which I guess proves that she has a higher tolerance for the grotesque than the rest of us. But I think we already knew that, because during the crucial part of the job interview that got her her first high-profile political job, she looked at the naked body of creepy old Democrat power-broker Willie Brown. So… yikes.
- She said she doesn’t want this to be an intellectual issue. You don’t say.
- She also hates when gun control becomes a partisan or ideological issue. If only the evil, deplorable, Nazi right-wingers could just stop with their fascist partisanship!!
- If I weren’t so emotionally mature, I’d double-dog dare her to look at all of the autopsy photos of people killed by criminals because they lived under arrogant far-leftists who restricted their access to a handgun that they might have used to defend themselves.
But I am too emotionally mature for that. So I’ll just quietly continue working on my draft of a haiku to commemorate that happy day when Kamala drops out of the race.
Finally, though the impeachment circus has barely begun, it’s already produced at least one towering, brain-dead quote for the ages. I refer, of course, to the work of Illinois Democrat congressman Mike Quigley. If you were watching the hearings with the sound off to prevent yourself from instinctively plunging any handy sharp instrument into your ear drums, he’s the one who looks like Garrison’s Keillor’s dim-witted second cousin.
When Adam “Mr. Mackey” Schiff (Mmmmkay?) had called his first two “star” witnesses, and all of their “evidence” turned out to be fifth-hand or worse (“I heard from a S’Barro’s janitor who got it from an Uber driver who once drove Donald Trump’s accountant’s secretary’s step-mom that Trump was out to get Joe Biden.”), Sophocles Quigley leapt in to shore up the case.
Thus spake the Quigler: ““Hearsay can be much better evidence than direct evidence.”
“YES!” said O.J. Simpson.
“Exactly!” said Harvey Weinstein.
“That’s what I’m talking about!” said Bill Cosby
“It’s like Vernon Jordan said, I never had sexual relations with that woman!” said Bill Clinton. Then Hillary smashed a lamp over his head, screaming, “If it weren’t for you and the Macedonians, I’d be president right now! CAW, CAW!!”
In any sane world, the people running and covering this circus would be mortified by the kind of naked partisan stupidity represented by Quigley’s statement. Listen to it again, and contemplate how long it would take you to come up with something as intensely stupid as “Hearsay can be much better evidence than direct evidence.”
This is the best I can do, and none of these are even close:
A plastic blow-up doll can be much better than a real woman.
A vegan soy patty can be much better than a hamburger.
A soccer match can be much better than a football game.
Jeffrey Epstein definitely killed himself.
Clearly, we are not living in a sane world anymore.
So…
Avenatti/Quigley 2020!
Martin Simpson 