How Heavy Medication Can Help you Watch Politics (1/27/20)

I’m just on the tail end of a killer flu. Fortunately, I have the strength of 10 men, because my heart is pure, and so I think I’m almost over it.  But while in the grips of heavy doses of Nyquil, a Z-pac and some doctor-recommended, purely medicinal scotch, I had some fevered sleep experiences.

The kind of troubled sleep that – if I were of a poetic bent – might have resulted in me waking up with a fully formed poem in my head.  (“In Xanadu, did Kubla Khan, a stately pleasure dome decree…”)

But because I’m more inclined to politician-mocking, I kept dozing and waking, but no matter how much time had passed, Mr. Mackey from South Park was still yammering on tv.  “Trump is bad, mmmkay?  And his phone calls?  Those are bad.  And we can’t let voters decide who gets to be president, because that would be bad, mmmkay?”

(And okay, there was one bout of troubled sleep from which I woke with this going through my mind:  “In Washington, did Adam Schiff, a mock-trial dumpster fire decree…”)

Now that the fever has broken, I realize that those were only partly delusions.  Because Pencil-Neck has apparently been on tv all week, telling the same stale lies with the same bug-eyed expression that has earned the House Dems a popularity rating right down there with heat rash and Cats: the Movie!

Since CO and many COers have already dissected the Dem’s sham-peachment performance in detail, I thought I’d piece this column together from some notes I wrote on various other stories over the last week or so.

Sure, I wrote these notes on a yellow pad as I slipped in and out of consciousness and a high fever, so they might not be as cogent as I might wish.  But I’d still stack them up against anything that Nadler or Schiff said in the past week:

1.I saw that the MSM spent approximately 1000 hours warning all of America that the 2nd amendment rally in Virginia last week was going to be a flashpoint attracting neo-Nazis and white supremacists from all over.  “This will make Charlottesville look like a walk in the park!”  “These gun nuts will be marching down the street like a cross between Yosemite Sam and Al-Qaeda, firing six-guns and AK-47s into the air.  Run for your lives!”

Net result: 0 disturbances, 0 vandalism or crime, 0 shootings.   Total hours of MSM news time devoted to the totally peaceful results: 0 hours.

I was a little surprised that there weren’t any incidents there, just because I figured there would be some lefty or ANTIFA troublemakers infiltrating the proceedings, and firing off a few shots that the media could then blame on 2nd amendment supporters.

But then I remembered that the marchers were all carrying.  So the first evil jerk who opened fired would be like the evil jerk who opened fire in that church in Texas recently.  (If you haven’t seen the video – and if so, is there something wrong with your television, son? – one armed deacon put him down with a head shot in about 3 seconds, and his body was then surrounded by three other parishioners with pistols.  God bless Texas!)

Also, keep beating that “the Nazis are coming!” drum, MSM.  Just because you’ve been laughably wrong the last 327 times in a row, doesn’t mean you will be again, right?

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: you could fit all of the neo-Nazis in America in an average community college gym, and the bleachers wouldn’t be completely full.   It’s hard to believe that the MSM can’t see how stupid they’re making themselves look.  They’re the Boy Who Cried Himmler, and nobody is listening anymore.

2. Speaking of people who are oblivious to how they come across to everyone else, Hillary cantered her way back into the public eye this week. First, because she’s being sued by Tulsi Gabbard for calling her a Russian agent.  (Would it be lookist of me to point out that Gabbard seems a little too easy on the eyes to be a leftist politician?  She’s not the least bit mummy-like or equine, which I’ve come to assume are pre-requisites over there.)

Second, because she tore into Bernie, sneering that “he’s never gotten anything done, and nobody likes him.”   The latter charge is pretty rich, considering that within the last 20 years, Hillary has taken over first place in the “Least Liked Leader in the History of the World” competition.  (Good news, Ivan the Terrible and Vlad the Impaler – you’re both off the hook!)

The former charge has the benefit of being true, but I see that as a good thing: I’d rather that our socialists get nothing done.  Because when socialists accomplish a lot, it ends in gulags and poverty and starvation and mass executions.

Also, is Hillary the one to point fingers about people not accomplishing anything?  I mean sure, she was Secretariat, but other than that?  She came to prominence and won a senate seat because of her husband, and in the one race she ran on her own merits, she lost to an orange caricature whom no one thought could win.

I’m sorry, my crack research staff is telling me that Hillary was Secretary of State, not Secretariat.  Honest mistake.  (Make your own joke here.  Mine:  One of them had broad, powerful flanks, tremendous ankles and did her best work in the mud, and the other one was a famous race horse…)

Third, Hillary gave an interview to the Hollywood Reporter in which she defended her association with Bill Clinton-doppelganger Harvey Weinstein.  She said, and I am not making this up, “How could we have known? He raised money for me, for the Obamas, for Democrats in general…”

Yes, how could anyone ever have known?  I mean, other than the fact that at least three influential lefties (Lena Dunham, Tina Brown, and Ronan Farrow) reportedly warned Hillary or her campaign about Weinstein.  Also, his lecherous, predatory ways were so widely known for so long, that Seth MacFarlane could make a famous joke during the Oscars in 2013 congratulating five supporting actress nominees because they would “never have to pretend to be attracted to Harvey Weinstein again.”

Of course, Hillary is the same woman who was married to Slick Willy for decades, and yet never seemed to notice that every intern leaving his office was straightening out her hair and clothing, rubbing her behind or muttering, “I can’t believe that law professor/governor/president Bill Clinton just sexually assaulted me!  If only there were a woke, powerful feminist around here that I could report this to.”

Yes, Hillary.  How could you have ever known?

3.  Either I fell asleep with F-Troop on, or Grandma Squanto is looking more and more like a bullet that our body politic has dodged.

I’m sorry – make that an arrow.  An arrow that we’d dodged.  #wemustneverstopmockingher

She stepped on several political rakes recently, the first of which was her galling open-mike confrontation with Bernie after the debate, which showed what a terrible person she really is.  It’s bad enough that she sits on this supposed bombshell until the eve of a debate and then spring it on him, but then she has the nerve to accuse HIM of lying about HER?

I love the way the dopes on CNN and MSNBC all rallied around her, saying that they believed her version over Bernie’s.  I mean, why wouldn’t you believe a white lady who claimed to be an Indian, and who claimed that her kids went to public schools, and that she was fired for being pregnant, and that she could spend 32 trillion on a bloated health care bureaucracy without any middle class payer paying a single extra cent for it?

Her next fantastic gaffe came when a regular guy confronted her several days ago, saying that he took extra jobs and sacrificed to get his daughter through college without debt, and wondering if her free college giveaway means that he’ll get his money back?  She laughed at him and said, “Of course not.”

And then he gave the most concise summary of the effects of leftist economic policy that I’ve ever heard: “A friend of mine who makes more than I do bought cars and went on vacations and didn’t save, and his kid will get to go to college for free.  But because I worked hard and did the right thing, I get screwed?”

That about sums it up.

Liz gave some interviews the next day to try to undo the damage, but if she were to win the primary, I’m assuming that she’ll get to hear that little exchange again in some totally justified attack ads.

But best of all, Warren lost the endorsement of the Sioux City Journal to Joe Biden.  Sure, on the same day she got the Des Moines Register’s endorsement.  But when the paper with “Sioux” in its name  spurns Talking Bull, you know that’s got to sting.

It would be like The Indiana Gay Times dissing Mayor Pete in favor of straight Joey Gaffes.   Or Kiplinger’s Billionaire Quarterly going for socialist Bernie over Mike Bloomberg.  Or Binder-Thrower Illustrated picking Biden over Amy Klobuchar.

Finally, I’ve also got several more notes that I’m assuming represent my fever and heavy doses of Nyquil talking. See if you can make any sense out of them:

What would happen if AOC gave a lecture during which she explained that billionaires don’t earn their money, and explaining to them how the economy works, and how they should turn their businesses over to her?

Mr. Mackey and the house Dems are screaming that they now require tons of witnesses and evidence to prove the case that they spent months insisting they had already proved?

What do Mr. Peanut and Jeffrey Epstein have in common?  Neither of them killed himself.

Avenatti/Mr. Peanut 2020!

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