Portland in flames, a Black Panther gets shot, Israel counter-punches, and cats defy death to escape Illinois (posted 5/28/21)

Today it’s going to be two sad stories, and then two happy ones.

In the first sad story, we go to Portland, Oregon.  Or as I call it, the terrible Portland.  (A dear friend lives in Portland, Maine, which is as beautiful as the one in Oregon is stupid.)

May 26th marked the one-year anniversary of the death of career criminal and meth enthusiast George Floyd, and the Portland progressives commemorated it appropriately, by rioting and destroying things.  Again.  

The details are grimly familiar.  Black-clad Biden voters put on their gas masks, started many rounds of sub-literate chanting, and trashed the place.   They attacked cops and first responders by throwing various things at them, including frozen water bottles, glass bottles, and metal spikes.  Some fired mortar-style fireworks at cops, and they also left metal spikes in the street to try to prevent firefighters from putting out the blazes they started.

Oh, did I not mention that in addition to being racial arsonists, they are also actual arsonists too?  Yes, like some of their socialist forebears in the 1930s, they love themselves some night-time incinerations. 

In fact, some of the human flaming dumpsters set fire to actual dumpsters and pushed them up against the Multnomah County Justice Center to try to burn it down.  Two of them tried to pry open the doors and get inside.

By the way, you may remember that many Dem “elites” are still outraged that several hundred boneheads broke into another government building on January 6th.  Those people were stupid, and their actions were wrong.  But they behaved more like drunken frat boys than terrorists, dressing in ridiculous costumes and posing for selfies and stealing a speaker’s podium as if it were their rival frat’s mascot. 

They didn’t kill or even seriously injure anyone, but false claims to the contrary were made by Brian Stelter and various other leftist Karens in our MSM.  Or at least I think that’s what Stelter said, as his voice was muffled by the yoga pants he’d somehow managed to pull up over his big dishonest thumb of a head.

One of those invading knuckleheads – an unarmed woman with no criminal record who went about a buck fifteen soaking wet – forced her way through a window, and a cop shot and killed her.  You’ve never heard his name, or anything about the circumstances of his use of deadly force, because no public trial or inquisition has been made into that shooting. 

Now I’m a big supporter of law enforcement in general, and without knowing more of the details, I’m not going to throw that nameless cop under the bus.  And while I don’t think that being a stupid vandal is a capital offense, I also believe in the doctrine of “play stupid games, win stupid prizes,” whereby engaging in stupid vandalism greatly increases your chance of catching a beating or a bullet, even if such a result is not, cosmically speaking, “fair.”  

And if the left is going to justify the principle that anyone who tries to break into government buildings – I would expand that to private property too – is risking getting shot, why can’t that apply to the tens of thousands of leftist thugs who have been destroying our cities for a full year now?

Don’t you think that if the first of the two jackasses in Portland who tried to force their way into that Justice Center caught a bullet in the face, the rest of them might have been a little less enthusiastic about continuing the assault? 

But lest we get to feeling that our country is leading the world in bad-faith racial arsonists – I’m not saying that we’re not on the medal stand — I have another sad story from our mother country of England that shows that the leftist anti-whitey virus might be capable of trans-Atlantic spread.

This story is about a photogenic black British lady in her late 20s named Sasha Johnson who was shot in the head while at a party.  And let me start this story by noting that even though she’s apparently a hateful racist, she doesn’t deserve to die for that, and I hope that she recovers, and that this experience might prompt her to do some soul searching and a re-appraisal of her toxic belief system.

In the meantime, if you look her up online, you can find various video clips that provide insight into who she is.  She calls herself the “Black Panther of Oxford,” and is on the far political left.  She is very fond of the “F” word, not so much of white folks.  She loves a good chant — the more stupid and vulgar, the better. 

She apparently has some disposable income, judging by the amount and quality of fashionable accoutrements she is usually decked out in, from the tip of her black leather beret down to her camouflage pants, including multiple Africa-centric pins, pendants and jewelry in between. 

Wait a minute.  Let me do a little journalistic digging, because maybe such a big fan of all things African was actually shot in Kinshasa, or Mogadishu.

Nope, London.   Hmmm.

Anyway, she is very much NOT fond of cops, whom she enjoys incorporating into her chants, along with the non-friend “F” word.  She thinks they need to be defunded, and she is not shy about grabbing a microphone and sharing that deep thought with the world at the drop of a goofy black beret.

So cut to a week or so ago, when she gets shot in the head.

Naturally her “friend-the-police” comrades called Uber, the BBC, the ASPCA, Rowan Atkinson (somebody had connections), and CarMax.  

Oh no, sorry.  According to the fake earpiece through which I’m not being fed information, her anti-capitalist, anti-white, anti-cop fellow numbskulls actually called the pasty white British cops.  Who arrived in capitalism-provided cars, trailed by capitalism-provided ambulances, and saw to it that she was transported to get advanced, capitalism-provided medical care.   

Boy, if she survives and recovers from her injuries, she is going to be ticked off that her activists-in-arms buddies called the pale patriarchals to rescue her!

Well, at least she’ll be comforted that the racist white conservatives who shot her will be brought to justi-

What’s that, fake earpiece?  The cops arrested the four a-holes who were shooting up the place, and they are mouth-breathing gang members the same color as Sasha’s snazzy beret?

Cue the sad trombone, playing “The Ballad of the Disappointed Whitey Haters” in E major.

By the way, how does our execrable MSM – in this case CBS – headline the story?

“Leading anti-racism protester shot.”

As always, Shakespeare said it best: “Methink’st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee.”

But enough of that grim stuff.  Let’s turn to one country that has learned the value of NOT allowing violent morons free reign in their society: Israel. 

I don’t need to rehearse the details for any of you: terrorist Hamas starts murdering Israeli civilians, Israel defends itself by using targeted strikes against terrorists, the world press and the Dem jihadi-lovers in Congress condemn Israel.  Of course.

While that is a sad and all-too-predictable story, I want to celebrate the feel-good story of this conflict, which is the amazing trick the Israelis played on Hamas terrorists. 

Hamas gets tons of aid money from gullible (and often malevolent) leftists around the world, and rather than waste it on frivolous things like infrastructure, education, or improving the lives of their people, they spend the lion’s share of it on buying weapons and building miles of tunnels in which to conceal those weapons and their own lunatic fighters.

Probably on hookers and opium and bee-keeper outfits for their women, too.  But mostly on tunnels and weapons.

The terrorists are usually protected from Israeli strikes because they hide among women and children – as big, strong, brave men are wont to do.  So Israel staged a phony invasion.  They positioned some armor and troops near the West bank, and leaked their imminent ground invasion to track down the terrorists.

When the media reported that the invasion was beginning, most of the terrorists went into the tunnels, so that they could pop out and ambush the Israelis. 

And the Israelis, who knew where the tunnels were, bombed the hell out of them, killing hundreds of terrorists without putting their own soldiers in danger.  In effect, the jihadis took millions in foreign aid, used them to dig their own graves, and then crawled down into them to wait. 

And then the IDF said, “Surprise, mother frienders!”

I love a story with a happy ending!

Speaking of which, if you haven’t seen the video of the black cat in Chicago who jumped out of the fifth story of a burning building yet, drop everything and watch it.

I don’t know the story behind it other than that what I just told you, but it looks like a cross between a metaphor and an Aesop’s fable come to life.

The burning building is a metaphor for the way that leftists have ruled Chicago and Illinois for decades.  They are lousy people with worse ideas, and they are burning down their own home.  The cat is a stand-in for the sensible Illinoisans who have had enough.

The cat launches himself away from the building, extending all four limbs and sailing downward like the offspring of a flying squirrel and a… well, a falling cat, I guess.

The shrieking onlookers are the brainwashed Chicagoans who have succumbed to learned helplessness:

“Why is he leaving the safety of that towering inferno, which is only on fire because of racism?”

“He should wait for the government workers’ task force that is working on a plan to put that fire out by early this fall.”

“Does he have a permit to jump out of that building?”

“He’s not wearing a mask!  That’s dangerous!”

But the intrepid cat soars outward and down, clearing a concrete wall by inches, and landing on the grass.  He bounces once – like a boss! — and then trots away, unscathed.

The other residents turn their attention back to the burning building, shouting, “Don’t worry!  Stay where you are!  Higher taxes and more gun control are on the way to save you!”

And THAT, my friends, is the story of how CO and the COW leapt from a skyscraper on Lake Shore Drive, narrowly escaping the grasping, incompetent claws of Pritzker and Lightfoot (worst 70’s cop show ever), and landed – like a pair of bosses — safely in Florida.

Where they were met by Ron DeSantis, me, and Cassie the Wonder Dog.  And we all shared a glass of a brown liquid, as we looked back at Illinois, where the skies are darkening with black cat-flying squirrel hybrids, making their escape!

Happy Friday everybody!

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