December is here, Jack Dorsey Steps Down, & Canada’s Lizzie Warren (posted 12/6/21)

This is my favorite month, and I’m already in the holiday spirit.  I’m looking forward to my yearly listening to Frank Muller’s reading of A Christmas Carol, my copy of Andrew Klavan’s new mystery When Christmas Comes should arrive on Tuesday, and I’m drafting our annual Christmas letter. 

Will I be mentioning that my daughter saved someone’s life last month?  What do you think? 😊

I’ll also mention my driving trip from Chicago to LA on Route 66 with two cousins back in May.  If you’re new to this site and are interested, you can read my travel diary from that trip on my page at Martinsimpsonwriting.com.  (Scroll down to the bottom right and you’ll eventually find the Route 66 entries.)  

This morning I’ve got a handful of small observations about our fractured yet still great society.  So in no particular order…

There’s now a total of one reason to watch the NBA: player Enes Kantor, who came to the US from Turkey, and just got his American citizenship last week.  If you watch Tucker, you saw the brief interview with him last week, and I saw that the lovely and talented COSE mentioned another interview he did this weekend.  

This guy loves and appreciates this country, takes rhetorical shots at the Chicom dictatorship every chance he gets, and is the polar opposite of whitey-hating narcissist LeBron James.  

Plus, he’s changed his name to “Enes Kantor Freedom,” which is a refreshing change from goofs like Ibram Kendi, who started life as Henry Rogers, but then decided that guilty, low-IQ white folks weren’t likely to listen to lectures on authentic African-ness from a guy named “Henry Rogers.”

I haven’t watched the NBA since the Jordan dynasty ended, but if Freedom’s Celtics ever play LeBron’s Lakers, I’d at least record that, and then watch and savor every minute if the Celtics win.

Jack Dorsey stepped down from Twitter to spend more time on beard maintenance, and to develop his second career as an escaped mental patient impersonator.  Wall Street sent him a great vote of confidence in his leadership: Twitter’s stock price jumped 10% when his departure was announced. 

I love that: You are such a liability that just the act of you walking out the door adds billions of dollars to the company’s net worth!

It’s not necessarily good news though, because his replacement is a bigot with a name that looks like it was produced by overturning a Scrabble board and then randomly turning over letters: Parag Agrawal.

He’s got a few quick strikes against him.  (I mean, other than his name being the sound you make when you’re choking to death on a chicken bone.)  He’s Weird Beard’s handpicked successor.  Last year he scoffed at the idea that Twitter should be sensitive to the First Amendment rights of its users.

And he also produced this hateful quote: “If they are not gonna make a distinction between muslims and extremists, then why should I distinguish between white people and racists.”

Look, Galapagos Narwal (I’m not going to waste time looking back up three paragraphs to check his ridiculous name), “Muslim” isn’t a race, and there are racists in every human group, so it’s actually racist that you would single out one race to denigrate as having a particular causal connection to racism.   

Also, it’s traditional to end a question with a question mark. For example, “How much did creepy racist Pagan Wallaby’s mom hate him to give him that hideous name?”    

So it looks like, “Meet the new doofus, same as the old doofus,” at Twitter.

(By the way, if any of you are trying to put a garage band together and would like permission to use “Galapagos Narwhal” as your band name, you’ve got it.  Just mention me in the liner notes, if those exist anymore.)

Don’t be shocked, but the MSM continue to beclown themselves in Wisconsin. 

After a solid year of smearing Kyle Rittenhouse with lies about him and what happened in Kenosha, they have worked overtime for the last 2 weeks to not tell the truth about the racist, murderous BLM fan who drove through the parade in Waukesha.  The comparisons are so instructive!

Within a few hours of the Kenosha shootings, the empty heads all over the MSM were calling Rittenhouse a white supremacist, and the aggressor who went to Kenosha to kill black civil rights protestors.  (And somehow managed to put shots into 3 white criminals, instead?)  They dug through his social media looking for evidence of white nationalist racism, and the worst thing they could find were posts supporting cops.

So naturally, the Daily Beast immediately ran a headline calling him a “Blue Lives Matter fanatic.” 

But turn to the case of Darrell Brooks and the coverage is just a tad different.  Several MSM pieces referred to his murder spree as “an accident,” and many outlets repeatedly said some variation on the theme that it was “caused by an SUV.” 

And suddenly, Stephen King’s recent unhinged, leftist rantings all make sense.  In his early novel, Christine, an evil, possessed car goes around murdering people.  Obviously, Darrell Brooks got himself one of those possessed SUVs.  Sure, maybe he should have taken precautions after the SUV ran over his baby mama a week before Waukesha, but hindsight is always 20/20.

Once the talking heads were forced to admit that someone was driving the SUV, and that he was a non-white career criminal, they suddenly became strangely incurious about the perp.  Even barely sentient hacks like the typical J-school grads populating CNN, MSNBC, et. al. could have spent 48 seconds perusing Brooks’ social media and found a long and rich history of support for BLM and hatred of all things white and white-adjacent. 

But they cleared their throats and moved on, immediately. 

Hey, remember that time when one white nationalist ran over and killed one person in Charlottesville 4 years ago, and that event has been referenced several billion times since then?  Well a black nationalist just ran over more than 60 people, killing at least 6, which — and you can check my math — is roughly 600% more than the 1 person killed in Charlottesville. 

Now put on a pot of coffee and sit down to wait for the approximately zero MSM references that will be forthcoming about that hateful, black nationalist, BLM-loving mass murderer being a hateful, black nationalist, BLM-loving mass murderer.

In a funny story from America’s Hat, it turns out that there is a Canadian Elizabeth Warren.  

The Maple Leafian-version of our own adorable Land o’ Lakes Butter Maiden (#wemustneverstopmockingher) is a medical researcher named Carrie Bourassa, who had become “the nation’s top voice on indigenous health” based largely on her faux-indigenous background.   

Even though she looks like she could possibly be Puerto Rican, or Mexican, or a light-tanning-bed-Canadian — or a mix of Russian/Polish/Czech, which it turns out she actually is — she started making more and more far-fetched claims about her heritage. 

She began to wear colorfully goofy-looking faux-native garb.  (Think a cross between Ghandi, the Dalai Lama and some Bollywood background dancers, but also carrying a few feathers, for some reason.)  And she started to claim membership in more and more tribes, including the Metis nation, the Anishinaabe, and the Tlingit.

(And if you can think of a word that sounds more like an anti-indigenous racial slur that “Tlingit,” you’re more creative than I am.) 

She opened a 2019 TEDX Talk this way: “My name is Morning Star Bear.  I’m Bear Clan.  I’m Anishinaabe Metis from Treaty Four Territory.”  Which sounds like a word scramble taken from one episode each of South Park and Star Trek the Next Generation.

Then, because Canada apparently has more sane people than Massachusetts does, she lost her government job and professorship for being a complete fraud, and a reprehensible, no-good Tlingit.  (See what I mean?  Sounds awful.)

Meanwhile, Grandma Squanto is still a MA Senator, and can make public speeches without being mocked with vigorous tomahawk chops, and someone doing a passable karaoke medley of Paul Revere and the Raiders’ “Cherokee People,” Cher’s, “Half Breed,” and Charlie Pride’s, “Kaw-Liga.”

Yes, it is “Deep-Pull-From-Lame-60’s-&-70’s-Pop-Songs Monday,” thanks for asking. 

Finally, here’s an obscure story from the crime beat.  A 21-year-old Democrat named Aaron Coleman got himself elected to the Kansas state House of Representatives and took office this January. 

I’m inferring that the Kansas Democrat bench is as thin as the national Democrat bench, because Coleman won election despite the fact that during the campaign, it came out that he had a troubling history in his school years. 

He apparently harassed a lot of girls online, told one girl she was fat and should kill herself, and blackmailed a 13-year old to send him more than the one nude picture of her that he’d gotten hold of.  When she didn’t, he sent her picture to everyone she knew.

Again: this came out DURING the campaign.  And Kansan Dems said, “He’s the best we can do!” 

Well he was arrested for DUI at the end of November.  Which was a problem, because he was out on bond for a domestic battery arrest less than a month earlier.  But it’s not what you are thinking: the battery charge was not against a stuck-up 13-year-old who wouldn’t send him nude selfies, but against his own brother, whom he allegedly “pushed, hit and spit on.”

Before you rush to judgment, consider that there are a lot of good reasons for physically fighting with a sibling: 

1.If he stole your pork chop.

2. If he was eye-balling you.

3. If he groped your girl.

4. If he rooted for FSU.

But this case proves the kid really is a Democrat: he was angry because his brother was going to get baptized! 

Of all the motives!  I mean, at our absolute worst, many of us might shoot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

But who amongst us would spit on a sibling in Topeka, just because he said, “I’m going to get baptized?”

Aaron Coleman, that’s who. 

And sadly enough, he’s still among the top 10 least obnoxious Democrats in the nation right now!

Avenatti/ Galapagos Narwhal, 2024!

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