Leftist women of color are really letting the Democrat team down lately.
I know that such a statement can be triggering, especially coming from a pale male like myself. But hear me out, because I have something you’ll never hear in a Nancy Pelosi press conference, or a cluster-gab on the View, or a teleprompter-assisted mutter-fest from the late Joe Biden.
And that something is called “evidence.”
Exhibit A: Chicago mayor and life-size troll doll in a fright wig, Lori Lightfoot.
She’s been terrible on spending, awful on managing city resources, and a racial arsonist. And she’s presided over more murders than John Wick after the bad guys killed his dog. (The stats for the holiday weekend in Chicago: 51 shooting incidents, 68 people hurt, 8 killed.) (That’s not counting the Highland Park atrocity – just a weekend in Lightfoot’s Chicago.)
Lightfoot gave a stirring speech on Independence Day. I couldn’t hear all of her fine words over the sounds of sirens and gunshots in the background, but a transcript has her saying, “The toxicity in our public discourse is a thing I think we should all be concerned about.”
Of course, literally one week earlier, after SCOTUS said — and my Latin may be a little rusty here, “Ixnay on the aby-killing bay.” — Mayor Lightfoot responded with the kind of well-reasoned eloquence we’ve come to expect from her type.
To wit, “F*** Clarence Thomas!!”
A few media outlets picked up on the subtle disparity between screaming obscenity one week and decrying toxic public discourse the next. One source even suggested that she might be, and I quote, “two-faced” on the issue.
It’s an old joke, but I’ll say it anyway: If Lori Lightfoot had two faces, do you really think she’d go with THAT one?
Exhibit B: Karine Jean-Pierre
Biden’s spokeswoman continues to play the hapless, sapphic Titanic to Peter Doocy’s iceberg in WH press conferences.
She started her tenure – it seems like just 10 years ago, doesn’t it? – by pointing out that her skin is darker than Lizzie Warren’s (#wemustneverstopmockingher), and that she likes the ladies. And it was all the press corps could do not to hoist her onto their shoulders and parade her out into the Rose Garden chanting, “KJP! KJP!”
Alas, the frenzied celebration of melanin and scissoring couldn’t last, and eventually questions had to be asked and answered. And then… yikes!
At first she tried the strategy of listening to a question, then flipping through a notebook full of talking points for 5 minutes, and then reading – literally just reading – a response that had nothing to do with the question.
When that didn’t seem to work so well, she changed it up, by listening to a question, then flipping through said notebook for 10 minutes, then saying, “I’ve got nothing new for you on that.”
And now she’s just pleading ignorance.
I’m not kidding.
In the last two weeks, she reported that she hadn’t heard that Macron told Biden that the Saudis have no more oil to pump, and that she hadn’t heard that Biden’s Secretary of the Treasury said that Putin’s invasion was NOT the primary cause of the gas price spike, and that she hadn’t heard Biden’s phone message to Hunter that he was “in the clear” during one of the latter’s Chicom scandals.
To think that I spent years staring at my shoes, while telling teachers that the dog ate my homework or that I was really sick, when I could have just been telling them that I had not heard of the Mayflower Compact or the Pythagorean theorem, and that I’d need to get back to them on the issue of Manifest Destiny.
Or better yet, I could have just spoken from the heart on how much I like girls! After which I’d close with, “I’d like my “A,” now, and to be carried out into the hallway while the faculty throw rose petals in my path and chant, “Simp-son, Simpson!”
Exhibit C: Speaking of ladies who like the ladies, basketball player and Russian detainee Brittney Griner has given Biden one more thing to worry about. (And he keeps forgetting about the other ones already!)
Before her Russian trip, Griner had the lefty talking points down pat: America is a racist hellhole; the national anthem is offensive; I didn’t land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on me, etc. But a little taste of Russian hospitality may be causing her to re-think things, if her letter to the White House can be believed.
But she didn’t help her cause when she showed up for a recent Russian court appearance wearing a Jimi Hendrix t-shirt.
I’m no lawyer, but I did recently read a Supreme Court case, and I know many Latin words, such as voir dire, ipso facto, and habeas corpus. (The latter phrase came up just recently, when one of Biden’s worried aides called for a mirror to put in front of his mouth during a trip on Air Force One, whispering, “Check for signs of life. I think the Big Guy might be a habeas corpus.”)
So I think I’m qualified to give Britney a little legal advice: As a general rule, it’s probably not a great fashion choice to show up for a trial on drug charges wearing a shirt emblazoned with the picture of one of the most famous drug takers and overdosers in history on it.
Maybe a sensible, dark skirt-and-blouse combo instead?
Exhibit D: Rhode Island Democrat State Senator Tiara Mack.
This is the Mensa member who posted a campaign video of herself twerking, upside down, in a thong bikini. (And yes, that’s the first time the words “campaign video,” “twerking” and “thong” have ever appeared in the same sentence.)
If you haven’t seen that video yet, DON’T. Because I’ve already taken the hit for you, and there’s no reason that, like your humble Roving Correspondent, you too should have to wake up in a cold sweat and experience PTSD over a local Rhode Island political race.
So I’ll just try to paint a word picture, and spare you the risk of needing to therapeutically gouge out your eyes:
The Rhode Island state senator is a woman of color. When it comes to body type, I will say only that Sir Mix-A-Lot would approve. (He cannot lie, and other brothers can’t deny.)
She is wearing a tiny thong that answers the physics question, “How much stress can you put on a piece of fabric before it loses structural integrity and snaps off, producing the sound of a rifle shot, and possibly putting out the eye of an innocent bystander?” (Spoiler alert: the answer is “not one bit more pressure than this, right here.”)
She assumes a posture in which her head is in the sand, and her exposed behind is out in the open for all to see.
This is commonly called, “the Democrat in an election year” position. Or alternatively, “Downward facing Dem.”
Then, she twerks.
What is it with Democrats? They’ve chosen as their party’s mascot animal the lowly ass. (Not that the GOP elephant is a lot better. Is this the best both parties could do, in terms of animal iconography? Were there no majestic lions or magnificent Cassie the Wonder Dogs available when they were choosing mascots?)
And their female pols seem to be at their most effective when they rely on their derrieres.
Chi Com honey trap Fang Fang used her politburo posterior to get info out of flatulent leftist Eric Swallwell. Tiara Mack has twerked her way into national politics. And AOC has never been more compelling than when she slapped the words “Tax the Rich” across her tush and wiggled it for the cameras.
However, I don’t want to be accused of either sexism or racism.
So I will stipulate that leftist white women (Nancy Pelosi, Liz Warren, Hacky Psaki), leftist black men (Spartacus Booker, Eric “Steadman” Holder), and leftist white men (Chuck Schumer, Adam Schiff) have also risen to the top of their party’s politics by making the biggest possible arses of themselves.
Which is why their potential dream ticket is…wait for it…
Avenatti/Kim Kardashian 2024!