Pelosi is Leaving, & Who Can Identify a “Delusional Maniac” in DC? (posted 11/18/22)

Now that the GOP has at least secured a narrow majority in the House, I can finally ease up on my medicinal bourbon consumption.  (It turns out there’s a fine line between “problematic” and “medicinal.” Who knew?)

As the worst-case scenario gloom – i.e. the prospect of the Dems still controlling both houses of congress – has lifted, my thoughts have turned to family, Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I’ve been making good progress on converting my old garage into an organized, air-conditioned and heated workshop, and my conversational German practice has been going well.

I’ve also been cheered by generous CO nation member and all-around good egg Ivy Shafer, who hit the tip jar on my web page hard this month.  So thanks, Ivy!

Of course I’m still paying some attention to politics, and looking for silver linings in this early winter of our national discontent.  

One such glimmer of hope came today.  After lo these many centuries in power, Imhotep Pelosi has finally announced that she is stepping down in January.

So when the blessed day arrives and she hands over the gavel, her face an expressionless amalgam of botulinum toxins and the mysterious results of the embalmer’s art, she will turn and shamble over to a seat in the house chamber, trailing a strand of her burial cloth behind her.

Because of course she’s not leaving the House.  I mean why would she, after a mere 2342 years in power?

So the innocent residents of Washington (if there are any left) will still have to be frightened by the frequent cries of tourists who accidentally encounter her: “Aiieeee!  The mummy walks among us!  Kill her with fire!”  

To make things more complicated, when the Fetter-Biden lumbers out to take his oath, I fully expect new shrieks of, “Aaiiieee!  The monster has escaped the castle.  Get the pitchforks and torches!”

I saw a headline on RedState this week that brought with it a sobering realization.  It read, “Delusional Maniac Teases Run Against Trump in 2024.” 

Sadly, I was quickly able to make a dozen reasonable guesses as to whom the titular maniac in that headline might be.

By the way, for my money, Titular Maniac is hands down the worst of the 70’s sexploitation slasher movies.

(I know, that one was beneath me.  But dammit, it made me laugh when it popped into my head.  And after that midterm I’ll take laughs from wherever I can get them.)

My first instinct was that the delusional maniac in question was probably Liz Cheney.  But then I thought of ex-president of the world Stacy Abrams.  Then Gretchen Whitmer.  Then Gavin Newsom, Joe Biden (RIP), and Que Mala.

Asa Hutchinson – the actual delusional maniac in this story – wouldn’t even have made my top 30 list of Washington no-talent imbeciles likely to believe him/herself worthy of a presidential run. 

Again, it’s not a good sign for our country when someone calls one of our high-profile national politicians a delusional maniac, and we cannot even narrow down the list of pols that that label could apply to.

Finally, as regular readers know, I love a running joke.  In general, I think if a joke is funny the first time, it gets really tired the fourth or fifth time around.  But if you stick with it and keep hammering it, it starts becoming funny again. 

Thus the familiar lines I return to again and again, ad hilarium.  (That’s right.  Not “ad nauseum.”)  #wemustneverstopmockingher.  The Cadaver in Chief.  Imhotep Pelosi.

In that vein, I’ve been ending most of my columns for the last several years with a mock suggestion of “Avenatti/ Dullard du Jour, 2024.” 

It’s been my small way of reminding everyone that a few years ago, a bunch of the Dems and MSM talking heads became temporarily priapic over the transparently phony Creepy Porn Lawyer, touting him as a potential presidential candidate, despite his evident unfitness to do anything but pander to hateful leftists and steal from gullible porn stars.

But now that Avenatti is in the can for four years, I’ve given up on his chances to top the Dem ticket in ’24.  But thankfully, at least one prominent lefty has put forth a worthy successor to pick up Avenatti’s banner of terribleness.   

I give you MSNBC’s Katie Tur.  As in, “Katie Tur said something really insightful today.”

Said nobody ever.

Katie and superannuated hack Andrea Mitchell (Oh how I miss Rush, and his distinctive, nasal pronunciation of “Andrea Mitchell!”) were so giddy with the non-red-wave mid-term results that they got out over their straight-jackets with some presidential candidate speculation.

Sorry, that’s “skis.”  They got out over their skis.

Honest mistake.

Tur stated “Fetterman, as a nominee at some point for president” could be a possibility. “I know there’s some variables, obviously, but I just, you know, what he did in the super-red, deep-red parts of Pennsylvania… it makes you wonder about his future.” 

Yes Katie, we all should wonder about his future.  As in, will he ever regain cognitive and speech functions enough to do an even minimally competent job as a senator in the future?

But Mitchell, who is old enough to know better – and to BE better, for that matter – went right along with Tur, pointing out that after spending “a lot of time covering this race, and with Pennsylvania politics, going back some decades,” she was impressed with the way Fetterman performed.  She pointed out that he did better than both Trump and Biden in PA.

The former point should be a wake-up call to PA voters, and the latter is a well-deserved insult to Biden.

So as we begin to look toward the 2024 campaign (shudder), I give you…

Fetterman/Katie “the terrible” Tur, 2024!