Regular readers know that I’m usually a happy warrior type, with a glint in my eye, a smile on my face, pep in my step, and junk in my trunk.
Well no, not that last one. (I’m no AOC.) I got carried away there. Just the other ones.
But is it just me, or is almost everything about our politics today just freaking exhausting? Everywhere I look I see either morons, or reasonably smart people hell-bent on doing moronic things.
If it wasn’t for my unrelenting commitment to excellence in snarkery, I’d be too exhausted to even give you examples. But here goes.
I already mentioned that Joe Biden (RIP) couldn’t get the name “LL Cool J” right in a public speech last week. But I think I buried the lede there, because what is the “president” of the United States doing discussing LL Cool J in a public speech, anyway?
Well, he was presenting some kind of award that the Congressional Black Caucus Foundation gives out based on skin color and leftist ideology. So you know THAT wasn’t a huge time waster.
But before he even got to mangling the rap name of Ladies Love Cool James, Biden said something even dumber.
Side bar: Yeah, that’s what “LL Cool J” stands for. And I’m embarrassed to admit that I did know that without looking it up. Which means that I’ve been storing one less Bible verse or Shakespearian couplet or Thomas Sowell quote in my crystal brain than I could have, because one neural connection was reserved for that idiotic LL Cool J fact.
Now let’s never speak of this again.
Anyway, Biden introduced his presentation with the following sentence, which I am not making up: “Two of the great artists of our time representing the groundbreaking legacy of hiphop in America…”
That sentence fragment is already all kinds of wrong. The idea that hiphop in America has created a “groundbreaking legacy” is more than a stretch. But the further idea that the mortal remains of Joe Biden knows anything about hiphop is even more far-fetched.
(And you’ll never convince me that as he mumbled his way through rehearsals with the teleprompter Biden didn’t refer to hiphop as “flipflop,” “slipslop,” or “cornpop” at least once each.)
And calling LL Cool J a “great artist?” C’mon, man.
I mean, I like “Goin’ Back to Cali” as much as the next guy.
Or, as Joey Gaffes calls it, “Camelback to Mali”… er… I mean,“Back Pack to Maui.” No… anyway… you know the thing.” (And don’t get him started on, “Mama Said I’ve Got Gout!”)
[Long, loooonnnggg pause.] Anyway…
That was the Biden impression I’ve been working on. It’s better with the visuals, when I let that word die off in a sad, air-coming-out-of-a-deflating-tire kind of wheeze, then turn and shake hands with someone who isn’t there, trip over a sandbag, and fall down a short flight of stairs like a desiccated, octogenarian human slinky.
And, scene.
Or take New York Democrat Congressman Jamaal Bowman. Please. (Spoiler alert: the extra “a” in his first name does not stand for “awesome.”)
If you haven’t watched the news for a week, you’re probably asking, “Martin, who is this idiot?” (By the way, if I were ever to write a regular column focused just on analyzing members of congress, the title of that column would definitely be, “Who is This Idiot?”)
Well, Bowman is the latest in a long line of “Stupid or Liar” contestants from congress. Because when the Democrats were trying to delay a House vote, he pulled a fire alarm in a government building. Then – imagine his surprise! – a fire alarm went off.
He obviously didn’t know that there are cameras in the building. Brilliant! (Though in his defense, there apparently aren’t any cameras in the White House to catch random presidential offspring when they litter the West Wing with bags of cocaine, so who knew?)
He then tried to claim that he was trying to get through an emergency door to get to the House floor faster. (In his defense, if the sprinkler system had gone off, he could have built up speed and then flopped onto his belly on the marble floor, using it like a huge slip ‘n’ slide to launch him into the voting area.)
He was finally reduced to arguing that he didn’t know how fire alarms, or doors, or congressional votes work. (In his defense… Nope. I’m out. I’ve got nothing.)
Ooh, except that he’s a lying moron. Great job, voters of New York!
But sadly, it’s not just leftists whose shenanigans are exhausting me. Because a small group of House Rs — seeing that Biden is flailing around with historically horrific poll numbers, and knowing the old saw that “when your opponent is hurting himself, don’t interrupt him” – said, “Hey, let us interrupt Biden and get the focus off of him, by throwing out our Speaker!”
I can’t claim to closely follow the daily machinations of the House, mostly because life is too short to seek out things that you know are going to irritate you.
But I thought that McCarthy did a reasonably good job, considering the fractious GOP and the slim majority he had to work with. He did more conservative things than I first expected him to do, and he’s been much better than other GOP house speakers in the last several decades.
I know: saying that someone is more effectively conservative than Paul Ryan and Weepy John Boehner is like saying a woman is the most attractive Democrat in the House.
(Yes, we get it AOC: you’ve got a juicy booty – your words, not mine – which makes you the uncontested winner on your side. But you’ve edged out gals like Maxine Waters, Rashida Tlaib, and Imhotep Pelosi. So… congratulations?)
But my sense is that McCarthy played a weak hand reasonably well; with the Senate under Dem control, and the White House in the cold, dead hands of Joey Gaffes, no slightly GOP House was going to ram through any significantly conservative legislation into law. And I generally agree with the pragmatic approach of using the leverage you have to achieve the limited possible gains, under the theory that half a loaf is better than none.
(On the other hand, I hate the constant feeling that we’re always settling for half a loaf, while Dems with less public opinion behind them either get the whole loaf, or drop down to getting 90% of a loaf!)
Re: Matt Gaetz, some of his fights in the past have yielded good results, as when he was part of the conservative caucus that made McCarthy accede to some specific demands to get the gavel. (That McCarthy was the worst of McCarthy, because it appeared that he wanted the job with as little deference paid to the conservative wing as possible. Which we should all resist!)
On the other hand, the fact that Gaetz sided with Dems to take down McCarthy without any apparent plan for a candidate to replace him seems short-sighted, to say the least. (The fact that the 8 Rs voted with over 200 Dems and against over 200 Rs – giving the Dems what they wanted – is also a prima facie red flag to me!)
But I do love that McCarthy’s first move after being ousted was to kick Pelosi and Steny Hoyer out of their “courtesy” offices. That was sweet, as was watching several MSM figures whining about it. And I guess if we end up with a more conservative and successful speaker – Jim Jordan is my favorite candidate so far – it might all work out.
But I’m not a big Gaetz fan at this point. His move against McCarthy seems motivated more by personal animus than conservative principle, and I’m getting more than enough of that kind of petty sniping from our presidential contest right now.
Speaking of which, did Trump really need to slam Nikki Haley as a “bird brain?”
I don’t really have a dog in this fight, because I’m not supporting Haley in the primaries. But she’s a reasonable GOP candidate (though as every candidate in decades except for DeSantis, she’s not nearly conservative enough for me), did a reasonable job when Trump picked her as ambassador, and I would gladly vote for her against Biden or any Dem.
That being said, is anybody on our side still just loving the 5th grade insults?
If it’s too much to ask for Trump to aim less vitriol at GOP figures than he does at the far-left Dem figures who are destroying our nation, can he at least refrain from insulting the intelligence and character of people whom HE APPOINTED! OH! OHHHH!
Sorry, I instinctively slipped into Sam Kinison mode there for a moment.
But seriously, does Trump not realize that every time he calls another of his own chosen appointees a dimwitted, evil loser he hurts his chances in the general? When he trumpets that he picked a lousy VP running mate, terrible cabinet members, awful governors, several worthless attorney generals – etc. and etc. – there are only three ways to evaluate those claims:
1. Those appointees all had some kind of split-personality psychoses, so that they were Dr. Jekyll when Trump picked them, but then immediately became Mr. Hyde,
2. Trump has worse judgment than the Bud Light PR team, or
3. He is attacking them now out of personal pique rather than conservative principle.
I think most people would probably choose #3 as the most likely option on that list, but none of them are a good look. In fact, choice 3 might be the most damaging to Trump’s prospects, given his repeated insistence that he values loyalty above all else.
And as I’ve said before on that score, I hope that he’ll raise funds – and use some of his own – to pay for the legal defense of his co-defendants in GA and elsewhere, as well as the J6 defendants who have been victimized by Biden’s corrupt DOJ.
Again, I don’t like criticizing Trump like this, and I know I’m probably angering many of the valued members of CO nation. But we all owe it to each other to tell the truth, and to call out anyone on our side who is behaving in ways that we think is going to hurt their prospects and our cause.
And it’s worth remembering that our side is producing the kind of success in red states that is causing people to flee here from the leftist blue states.
Or as Joe Biden would put it, quoting that great artist LL MNOP Cool JD Vance…
“Goin’ back to Cali? I don’t think so!”
Biden delenda est!
“Dr.” Jill Biden/ Jamaal “Four-Alarm” Bowman, 2024!
Martin Simpson 
When you sign on to a long list of promises, you should consider it as not outside the realm of possibility someone might expect you to keep a couple of them. And if you don’t, young Mr. McCarthy, people might begin to suspect that you never meant any of them, but were willing to say anything to get the job for which you were transparently lusting. Thus we arrive at the place to which we have come: you are hoist on your own petard and invited to find some other way to wear out the seat of your trousers.
I don’t have a problem with this. Those promises should have meant something, and it should not be an illustration that your word was no damn good. Even if you’re likely to lose, you move the legislation, because you said you would. I’m surprised it was only eight republicans who voted to remove you, Kevin, but then we already knew how generally worthless and feckless the republican party is. Democrats vote as a solid block, which is why no matter how stupid their proposition may be, it generally wins. And Nuthouse Pelosi, who promised to have your back, in fact did: as a handy place to shove her knife. (Which you deserve, for ever being naive enough to believe her for as much as half a second.)
Every now and then it is a good thing to have a little revolution, as Jefferson noted (well, almost noted, I’m not quoting his words, but that’s the idea).
LikeLike