Month: November 2024

The Democrats’ Double-Standard on Cabinet Picks (posted 11/25/24)

Okay, now God is testing me.  Because there are too many stories in the news for just one man to possibly cover.  And even though I have the strength of 10 men, there is – tragically – only one of me.  

So today I have to postpone talking about many hilarious stories. 

Stories such as Rob “Meathead” Reiner checking himself into a “facility” to try to cope with his post-election, TDS-induced blues.  (Which I am not making up.)

Or the story of one of the assistants to Alvin Bragg – the slimy New York DA who divides his time between trying to jail Trump for crimes against humanity and making sure that as many dangerous illegals flood the streets of NYC as possible – gets mugged by… wait for it… a many-times-deported illegal!  (Also not making this up.)

Or the story of a Chicago Democrat who has tracked down the biggest disaster in his crumbling city: racist traffic cameras.  (Not made up.)

Or the story of the dimwits on the View being so unhinged that they had to read 5 legal corrections about slanderous comments they’d made – in just one week! (You can’t make that up.)

Or the story about the TDS-suffering actress (Rachel Zegler) who has been struggling to turn Disney’s big-budget “Snow White and the Seven Dwarves” into “Woke Snow Brown and One Little Person plus Six Normal-Sized People.”  Disney spent the last year re-shooting after disastrous preliminary screenings and Zegler’s equally disastrously off-putting woke comments, only to have Zegler unleash another post-election tirade to the effect of, “I hate our potential audience, and hope none of them come to see this film!”  (Disney wishes that one was made up.) 

I hope to be able to come back and revisit some of these stories in all of their hilarious detail. But today I’d like to focus on another story: the gratifyingly quick roll-out of Trump’s picks for key posts in his administration.

Of course the Democrat leadership and the MSM talking heads – but I repeat myself – are trashing most of them, and vowing to oppose their confirmation.  Which will have the same effect as stamping their little feet and holding their breath, except for being less entertaining.   

If you have lefty friends who start railing about Trump’s picks, ask them this question: “How many of Biden’s political picks can you even name?”  Sure, they’ll probably remember Que Mala.  (Did you know that she was raised in the middle class, and contrary to public opinion, did NOT fall out of a coconut tree?) But after that, not so much.

To the extent that they recall anyone, it will usually be due to some scandal.  For example, who was that bald freak with the super-red lipstick and all of the stolen ladies’ luggage?  Or the military guy with the weird “dress-like-a-dog” fetish?  Ooh, or that dude who dressed like a homely woman going to the worst-ever costume party as Captain Kangaroo?    

When your lefty friend can’t name any Biden choices, humor them by naming those people, and then ask how impressive they’ve been.  For example, the Transportation Secretary is Mayor Pete.  He has no background in transportation at all, no degree in any related field, but during his confirmation he talked about how he’s always liked trains.  Seriously. 

The real reason he was hired was because he was in the primaries, and he’s gay.  So the obvious thing to do was to give the gay guy who likes choo choo trains a cabinet position.  And then look the other way when he takes maternity leave to rest up and recover from the enormous physical strain of not giving birth to the baby that he didn’t conceive, carry or deliver.  Because spoiler alert, even the most effeminate of dudes can’t have babies.    

Oh, and also, nevermind about that deadly train wreck in Ohio that he dropped the ball on.

Go down the list.  Merrick Garland is a corrupt, partisan hack, and would easily be the worst attorney general in the last 40 years, if Obama hadn’t picked Eric “Steadman the Wingman” Holder and Loretta Lynch, thus making a competitive medal-stand for the “Worst AG” finals.

Secretary of Defense is Lloyd Austin, who was in office during Biden’s unbelievably botched flight from Afghanistan, and who disappeared for several weeks to get surgery without telling anyone.

Secretary of State is Antony Blinken, who has never met a foreign conflict he can’t make worse, including giving aid and comfort to Hamas and constantly trying to bully Israel.  And so on. 

Meanwhile, Trump picks RFK Jr. to lead HHS, and the left loses their Schiff.  I recently read Maureen Callahan’s new book on the Kennedys and their treatment of women, so no Kennedy is great in my book.  But RFK has been very involved in health and nutrition issues, was right about the dangers of big pharma and Fauci’s vax mandates, and is not the anti-vax loon the Dems are claiming he is.

Still, the lefties are howling, “He’s not even a doctor, and has no formal medical training at all!”  I was just about to predict that next they’ll be banging their well-worn credentialism drum, boasting about how all recent Democrat presidents picked only docs who went to prestigious Ivy-League med schools.  

So I looked it up.  And let me ask you: of the last 6 HHS heads appointed by Democrat presidents, how many of them do you think got their medical degrees from one of those top schools? 

Would you believe zero?  In fact, would you believe that they earned zero medical degrees among them, at ANY school? 

That’s right.  Jimmy Carter appointed 2 lawyers for that post.  Clinton picked Donna Shalala (a poli-sci PhD); Obama chose Kathleen Sebelius (BA and MA in non-medical fields) and Sylvia Burwell (2 BAs in non-medical fields).  And Biden (RIP) appointed Xavier Becerra, a lawyer who doesn’t know a rectal thermometer from a regular one.   

So the Dems can zip it on RFK Jr., even though they won’t. 

As they won’t about the rest of Trump’s picks, who are generally very strong, and capable of bringing much-needed changes to their various posts.

However, I do think that Trump has made at least one lousy pick so far (not counting Gaetz), and that’s his choice of Lori Chavez-DeRemer for Labor Secretary.  I saw that CO linked to a story about her yesterday, which tells me that most of you know the basics about her background.

For the record, I’m not against private sector unions. But I agree with FDR and the influential early union bosses who didn’t think there should be public sector unions, since by definition they bargain with their own allies against the taxpayers.  (E.g. Chicago unions put Chicago mayors in office, getting sweetheart deals from the mayors who are then indebted to them, and they stick taxpayers with the bill.)

You don’t have to look very closely to know that DeRemer is not on the conservative side.  She’s one of only 3 House Republicans to vote for the PRO Act, a Big Labor bill that originated in California (strike 1) and pushed to get rid of secret ballot votes in union elections (strike 2), in favor of so-called “card-check” procedures that allow corrupt union bosses to intimidate their members into voting their way (strike 3). 

She’s also a big favorite of one of the worst people in the country, teachers’ union boss Randi Weingarten, who cheered Trump’s pick of DeRemer.  You don’t have to be Socrates to understand that when your worst enemies are celebrating one of your choices, that was a bad choice.

On the other hand, there’s no reason to over-react.  If DeRemer were to get confirmed, and she tried to pull any underhanded tricks to undermine Trump’s agenda at the behest of Weingarten or her minions, I’m confident that Trump would fire her in a minute. 

But why put yourself in that position in the first place? 

Regular readers know that I was a DeSantis guy – and still admire him and think he’d make a great president – but that I’ve voted for Trump three times, and I’m ecstatic that he won, and can’t wait until January.  His overall picks are great, and I’ve never looked forward to a presidential term like I’m looking forward to this one!

That being said, I’m a conservative, and wherever MAGA overlaps with conservatism, I’m super-duper-ultra-MAGA.  Where it doesn’t, Trump is still my guy, but I’ll support efforts to get him to steer his course back toward conservatism.    

Having said that, I’d like to pose an uncomfortable thesis to CO nation about DeRemer: If you had looked at her background last week, you’d say that she was a deep-state, RINO corrupticrat in the pockets of the sleazy, student-neglecting teachers’ unions.  And you’d be right. 

But after Trump has picked her, and you hear me cogently point out her Weingarten-y-ness, are you tempted to get your back up and call me a RINO (which is blasphemy, as Dr. Allan Lichtman could tell you!), and deny that she’s a bad pick? 

I think we need to aggressively support Trump against the bad-faith attacks of the Left.  But when he’s wrong about something, we need to be able to say that and debate it, without triggering internecine battles that make us look like the Democrats who are tearing themselves apart right now.  

Okay, rather than end on that down note, I’d like to give Trump his due as an amazing troller; his McDonalds and garbage truck stunts were great, and a perfect counter-move to Kamala’s inauthentic and over-cautious timidity.

I hope he continues trolling the left right up until inauguration day.  In fact, I’d love to see him get up to take the oath of office, but at the last minute tell the crowd that instead of putting his hand on the King James Bible, he’d like to be sworn in with his personal copy of Project 2025, which he will begin implementing immediately afterward.

And then do the goofy Trump dance when Imhotep Pelosi loses her dentures and Chuck Schumer has a heart attack.

I’d also like to see him follow Sherry Meyers’ advice and announce a surprise cabinet pick: Grandma Squanto Warren to head up the Bureau of Indian Affairs. 

#wemustneverstopmockingher

Hamas delenda est!

I’m Punching Up, at Elitists, From Now On (posted 11/22/24)

Okay, I’m not going to make fun of non-famous, non-influential, everyday leftists recording themselves losing their minds over the election any more.  Because it has just gotten sad.  And it’s actually sobering to see how many truly troubled and malfunctioning people are out there.

In a way, I can empathize with their situation, because the 2020 election was a horrific experience for me, as was Obama’s win in 2012, and the red-wave-less midterm in 2022.  It was nauseating to watch my country choose such feckless leaders and self-destructive policies in each of those elections.

But do you know what I – and CO, and CO nation, and pretty much all conservatives – didn’t do in any of those years? 

Record humiliating self-own videos during which we alternatingly cried, broke things and screamed obscenities, followed by vowing to leave the country, followed by ranting about how all Democrat voters were Nazis, followed by recording threats of violence against our fellow Americans who made the mistake of voting for Democrats. 

The flood of hysterical leftists who lost their minds in 2016 caught me by surprise.  The crazy ladies screaming at the sky, the beta males bawling so hard that their mascara was hopelessly smeared, the hordes of women who paraded around the mall with hats intentionally meant to resemble female genitalia.  In public!

But what has surprised me even more – and the trend has accelerated in this election cycle – is the number of seemingly high-functioning professionals who have shown themselves to be as emotionally dysregulated and mentally unstable as the marginalized fringe-dwellers making ridiculous TikTok videos.

There are a ton of truly disturbed teachers out there, for example, with dozens of high-profile cases of career-ending rants.  Examples include a male Moreno Valley, CA teacher hollering and swearing to his class about how he hates the patriarchy and “treasonous rapist and coward” Trump, and a self-recorded rant from a teacher in Connecticut threatening Trump voters with putting them “on a stretcher, gone forever” – and then later crying after getting fired.       

The most unexpected examples, though, are the truly elite people who have shown themselves to be either emotional basket-cases, or else incapable of calmly perceiving reality and logically analyzing basic arguments. Three of these have stood out to me.

The first is Dr. Laura Helmuth, who got a PhD in cognitive neuroscience from Berkeley and worked at prestigious jobs – Science Editor at the Smithsonian, and then at WAPO – before becoming editor-in-chief of the 175-year-old Scientific American.

Yet on election night, she posted a series of tweets that could have been written by the looniest of the dysfunctional drama queens on TikTok.   She expressed, “Solidarity to everybody whose meanest, dumbest, most bigoted high-school classmates are celebrating early results because f–k them to the moon and back.”  She also apologized that her generation is “full of f**king fascists,” before slandering her home state of Indiana, which she left because of how “racist and sexist” it is. 

Before she resigned a few days later, she tried an unconvincing apology, claiming that, “I respect and value people across the political spectrum.”  Except for the mean, dumb, fascist, racist and sexist bigots, I guess. 

The second example is historian Heather Cox Richardson, who appeared on Jon Stewart’s podcast The Weekly Show.  I’d never seen his podcast, but wanted to see how his smarminess would be affected by the electoral beating, and she put on a world-class exhibition of point-missing and lie-repeating. 

She talked about how great our economy is now, but uninformed Trump voters just don’t know it.  She said that wages went up for working people under Biden, as if she didn’t understand what inflation is, or that it outpaced nominal wage gains. She said that people think that eggs cost too much, but she knows the real reasons: grocery stores have been price gouging, and there was a bird flu. 

But anyone familiar with grocery stores knows that they have amongst the skinniest profit margins of any business – usually around 1-2%.   And the bird flu?  Yes, I know that there was a bird flu and that several million chickens were killed on factory farms. 

But was there a cow flu that I don’t know about?  Because I am an ice cream addict, and the cost of my addiction has doubled in the last 4 years.   And was there an outbreak of popcorn weevils, because my popcorn is up about 60%?

 And was there a metastasizing elephantiasis affecting interest rates that has caused 30-year-mortgage rates to double under Biden?   Or a pandemic affecting the central nervous systems of millions of third-world residents, causing all of them to simultaneously experience a severe case of restless leg syndrome, such that they all found themselves walking thousands of miles up to and across our borders?

These are not low-IQ people, yet neither of them can bring themselves to consider that their premises are 180 degrees wrong.  They use all of their brain power to overlook the obvious – Que Mala is a hollow bag of cliches and word goulash, data shows that most people were better off under Trump – and manufacture self-flattering lies to explain Trump’s win.

Speaking of which, my favorite example is Allan Lichtman, the academic previously heralded as the “Nostradamus of Pollsters.”  I’ve previously written about him and his “13 Keys” that can supposedly predict any election’s outcome.  Lichtman was quite cocky pre-election, when he explained that his keys proved that Kamala would win.

Thus Nostradamus became Nostra-dumb-ass.

On Wednesday he went on Piers Morgan’s tv show with fellow leftist Cenk Uygur, and if you haven’t seen it yet, you must!  Lichtman goes first, and he gives two reasons why he missed this prediction:  1. The way the “spineless, cowardly Democrats openly and visibly trash[ed]” Biden, and 2. The huge amount of “disinformation” (he points to Elon as the chief culprit), which fooled the voters about the reality of the culture, the economy, and illegal immigrants. 

Of course the professor knew about both of those when he made his calculations.  Also, he makes the classic self-justifying move: the voters were wrong about reality, not him.

Cenk wasn’t having it.  He said that he had debated Lichtman before, and that Cenk was right and Lichtman and his keys were wrong.

Which was true, but absolutely the wrong thing to say.  Because an academic hates nothing more than clear statements of fact which destroy his own theory.  So Lichtman performed the clearest and most concise distillation of academic hubris I’ve ever seen.   

He snapped, “That’s a cheap shot and I won’t stand for it!”  When Cenk repeated the obvious point that Lichtman’s predictions were wrong, the prof hollered and waved his arms, saying, “I’ve only been a professor for 51 years, published 13 books.  How many books have you published?” 

Which is a double-strength shot of trying to cover up a painful truth with irrelevant credentialism: “Sure, a monkey throwing darts at battleground states on a map would have been more accurate than my predictions.  But just look at my curriculum vitae and the books I’ve written!  I’m a ‘DOCTOR,’ dammit, just like Dr. Jill!” 

Cenk responded succinctly.  “Okay, but brother, you got it wrong!  Preposterously and stupidly wrong!”  (By the way, anyone writing a post-mortem on this election now has the title: “The Democrat Campaign, 2024: Preposterously and Stupidly Wrong.”)

That caused Lichtman to regress back to middle-school, where I’m guessing he spent a lot of time stuffed into a locker: “Don’t call me stupid! I admitted I was wrong.  I don’t need YOU to call me stupid!”  (But apparently he does, because the whole nation has been calling him stupid for two weeks, and it doesn’t seem to be sinking in yet.)

(Also, nice Fredo Corleone impression, Doc: “I’m not stupid.  Not like everybody says.  I’m smart, and I want respect!”)

Cenk then reminded us that he’s no genius either, telling Lichtman that “[he] needs a big glass of shut-up juice.”  Which sounded as moronic in real life as it reads on your screen. 

Lichtman then folded his arms and talked over Cenk, saying, “I will not stand for personal attacks, for blasphemy against me.”

And Cenk closed us out with the only logical reaction: “Blasphemy against you?  Who the hell are you, Jesus Christ?  You loser!”

I opened this column saying that I wouldn’t make fun of normal, mentally fragile people who freaked out about this election any more, and I want to stick to that.  But arrogant and credentialed elitists who can’t think their way out of a wet paper bag are fair game! 

When they’re not dropping F bombs in tweets like a drunken bar-fly, they’re denigrating Trump voters and proclaiming that anyone who disagrees with them is blaspheming against the great god Marx and all of his righteous disciples.

They deserve all the scorn we can heap upon them, and I can’t wait until January!

Hamas delenda est!

Good News out of Cali, Mika & Joe Beclown Themselves, & Josh Shapiro Hurts Himself (posted 11/20/24)

As we celebrate a fortnight since the election that may have saved America, more good news continues to ripple through the land, like aftershocks from the most pleasurable earthquake ever. 

For example, I’d overlooked the good election news out of California, which shouldn’t be that easy to do, since there’s generally not that much of it.  But it’s worth remembering that CA took a turn toward Trump, just as the other big blue states did, even though it makes for a good news/bad news story.

Over the last several decades, CA Dems had voted in a bunch of soft-on-crime numbskulls to carry out soft-on-crime policies, which was bad news.  Then they reaped what they had sown – spikes in shoplifting, car theft, robberies, assaults and other assorted violence – which was good news, since they got what they voted for… good and hard.

Then two weeks ago they partially reversed course, which is very good news.  Voters tossed out crime-enabling bonehead San Francisco mayor London Breed, as well as crime-embracing Soros puppet and cartoon villain LA District Attorney George Gascon, who lost by over 20 points.

Oakland’s Mayor Sheng Thao spent her time in office defying the stereotype that Asians are smart. News reports called her “a far-left progressive who just a few years back supported slashing the police budget, reimagining what policing should look like, and investing in unarmed ‘violence interrupters’.”

I love that term!  By “violence interrupters” she meant well-meaning social worker types, but Oakland residents probably knew them by a more common-sense term: “bullet-absorbing good-for-nothings.” 

(“Violence interrupter” would be a better name for a shotgun, or maybe a WWII bomber.  You point the former at a Biden voter who’s attacking you, or you fly the latter over Hiroshima – post-Pearl Harbor, Rape of Nanking and Bataan Death March – and boom!  Violence interrupted.)

Anyway, Sheng Thao got the heave ho on November 5th. 

So did Prop 47, the brilliant “Please Feel Free to Shoplift up to $950 Worth At a Time” law that Californians passed ten years ago.  On Tuesday they replaced that with Prop 36, the “Never Mind – Shoplifting’s Illegal Again” law. 

Sadly, my old home state of Illinois is still governed by J.B. Pritzker (D-irigible), and he’s not done with the stupidity yet.  A few days after Trump’s victory, Pritzker doubled down on his trans fanaticism.  He’s already required that boys who say they’re girls can play on girls’ sports teams and use their bathrooms, and he’s used Medicaid funding to pay for horrific gender surgeries on minors.

Most people are assuming that Trump will not allow Medicaid funds to continue being misused in that way.  However, even though Illinois is broke and getting broker, Governor Goodyear is declaring Illinois essentially a sanctuary state for gender-confused people looking to carve themselves up.  I’m guessing that he’ll be putting Illinois taxpayers on the hook for those surgeries from now on.

I’m no psychiatrist, but I will humbly suggest that it is much easier, psychologically speaking, for a governor to be okay with mentally distressed guys cutting off their junk if he has not seen his own junk in decades. 

#putdownthatgiantturkeyleg

#pushawayfromthetable

Meanwhile, lefty media types are roasting Morning Joe and Mika, after they went to Berchtesgaden – which Whoopi assures me is German for “Mar-a-Lago” – for a meeting with Trump.   

I don’t know if you all are history buffs, but not since the Molotov-Ribbentrop pact have I seen commies so eager to meet with a Nazi before.

Their decision to obsequiously seek an audience with Trump after they’ve spent years calling him a fascistic, dictatorial, Hitlerian, existential threat to America perfectly illustrates the bind that the leftists have put themselves in. 

They know he’s not Hitler.  But now he’s going to spend four years not just being NOT Hitler, but being a veritable un-Hitler.  In fact, he’ll be 99% less Hitler-y than Joe Biden and Obama and Merrick Garland and Imhotep Pelosi and most of the top Dems have been for the past 4-12 years.   

And boy, will that make the leftist elites look increasingly dishonest and/or hysterical!  Thankfully, the internet is forever, and we’ve got hundreds of hours of their apocalyptic posturing that we’ll be able to hang around their necks like a Pritzker-sized albatross with a Hitler mustache.     

Speaking of albatrosses around hypocritical Democrats’ necks – and how’s that for a seamless transition? – the creepy attempt to steal the Pennsylvania Senate seat should come back to haunt Josh Shapiro. 

Shapiro had been about the only Democrat who came through this Schiff-show of an election with his reputation untarnished.  Most of the others looked like either evil schemers (“Joe Biden is sharp as a tack, and Trump is Orange Hitler who called white supremacists ‘fine people’.”) or complete morons (“We’ve got a billion dollars, the public doesn’t care about inflation or the border, and every voter does what Queen Latifah and Bruce Springsteen tell them to!”)

But Shapiro had dodged a bullet by not being picked by the Cackler to be her partner on the political Hindenburg that was her campaign.  And he had the great advantage of being compared to Tampon Tim as Harris/Walz exploded and plunged to the ground. 

People said that Shapiro was popular in PA and would have won the state for Harris, and that he was smarter than Walz (duh!).  He also got some victim points – which is like bitcoin for leftists – because he’d been passed over because of anti-Semitism.

Overall, he had navigated the 2024 disaster and come out without a scratch.

Until now.  Because after the PA election was called for McCormick, Bob Casey went old-school Democrat, and started cheating with both hands and in plain sight.  When the vote count had clearly gone against him, he refused to concede.  (Remember when that was election denying, and treason, and disqualifying, and Not Who We Are?)

As things got more desperate, a panel of three Democrat officials openly admitted that they were counting illegitimate ballots – ones without signatures, dates or security envelopes, as the state’s laws clearly require – in blatant violation of a recent PA State Supreme Court ruling.    

One sleaze ball county commissioner said, in front of cameras, “I think we all know that precedent by a court doesn’t matter anymore in this country.  People violate laws anytime they want.  So, for me, if I violate this law, it’s because I want a court to pay attention.”

Democrat officials in several other counties went along with the same illegal strategy, and counted more illegal ballots.  The totals in the reports I read suggest that around 1,000 – 2,000 such ballots were involved.    

The optics of this cheating are obviously terrible for the Dems, especially since they impeached Trump – and Fani Willis has tried to jail him – for what they falsely claim is the exact type of cheating they are now doing, in broad daylight!     

And throughout all of this, Josh Shapiro has stood by silently, giving his tacit approval to Casey’s sordid machinations. 

Forget for the moment how morally wrong Shapiro’s behavior is, and consider how weapons-grade stupid it is!  Casey is trailing by around 26,000 votes, so there’s zero chance that there are enough illegal votes to change the outcome.  And it’s not like Casey’s seat would tip the balance in the Senate anyway!  It’s the 53rd GOP seat, and is therefore only marginally helpful.    

But beyond that, during such a long, nasty campaign, one of the few advantages the Dems had over Trump was that many voters thought they respect “our sacred democracy” more than Machiavellian Trump does.

And now Shapiro has squandered that by acting like a corrupt machine politician – an old-timey NYC Tammany Hall grifter, or a sleazy Chicago alderman winning with the cemetery vote! 

I’ve written before about the terrible bench the Dems have for the 2028 presidential race.  Everyone who ran in the 2020 primary is tainted. 

Mayor Pete disgraced himself with the maternity leave and train derailment; Bernie is 112 years old; Grandma Squanto is a laughingstock because of her vaudeville red-face routine (#wemustneverstopmockingher), and the rest were beaten by the ghost of Joe Biden.

Their governors (Hochul, Whitmer, Ken-Doll, Pritzker) are horrific, their senators are pathetic, and AOC has nothing going for her but a juicy booty (her words, not mine). 

The only nationally known Dem left standing on 11/6 was Josh Shapiro, and now he’s beclowned and besmirched himself.

How bad off are the Democrats today?  The first post-election poll of Dem voters asking who they’d support in 2028 came out yesterday.  Only 6 people made the list, and the bottom 5 only got between 4% – 8% each.

The clear front runner, at a dominating 41%?  I swear to you I am not making this up…

Kamala freaking Harris!

Now if you’ll excuse me, the dopamine and laughter are making me light-headed, so I have to lie down.       

Hamas delenda est!

More Dems Behaving Badly, & Questions About Trump’s Legal Options to Change the System (posted 11/18/24)

I’m not going to spend this entire column making fun of all of the lefties who are entertainingly distraught in this blessed post-election period, even though I definitely could.  Because there are so many of them. 

But I will start it that way!

Megan Rapinoe – the scowling, whining, America-hating, soccer player – is so upset that Trump won that she has sworn off heterosexual sex forever!  Which is pretty easy for her, since she is a lesbian. 

(It may also be pretty easy for her since all of the straight males on the planet – plus that guy who’s stuck on the space station until Elon can rescue him – had already told her, “NOPE!” before she went down Sapphic Street.)

(Worst children’s television program ever, by the way!) 

You may remember Rapinoe from that time when she was walking through soft grass in an unoccupied part of a soccer field, and somehow tore her ACL, ending her professional career, and simultaneously causing me to spit-take a mouthful of coffee all over my Wonder Dog when I read about it online. 

(Cassie was upset with me until I showed her the story.  But when she read it – yes, she’s a literate Aussie Shepherd – she snickered like Muttley in those old cartoons, and all was forgiven.)

Moanin’ Megan rationalized Trump’s victory by saying that it’s not surprising that Americans voted for him, since America “was founded on slavery and inequality.” 

Oooookay, Megan. But it could have been worse — at least we weren’t founded on soccer.

Speaking of unhappy white ladies, Grandma Squanto Warren (#wemustneverstopmockingher) is red in the face over Pete Hegseth’s being nominated for Sec Def.  She ignored his military experience and sneered that he is “a Fox & Friends weekend co-host.”  She also established her own military bona fides by claiming that, “All three of my brothers served in uniform.” 

First, knowing people who wore the uniform doesn’t make you a military expert.  Second, I wouldn’t brag that your brothers wore a loincloth, moccasins and a feathered head-dress, because while that may have been a “uniform,” it’s the one your people wore when they fought AGAINST our country, Liz!

The Translucent Tecumseh also trashed Trump’s other picks, including Elon and Vivek.  Hopefully someone from the transition team has told her that since our red wave trumps her (non) red skin, she can take her complaints, cram them in her powder horn and smoke them!

The election results continue to ripple through elitist lefty circles, causing financial as well as emotional distress.  Ratings throughout the legacy media are in free-fall, with waves of layoffs on the horizon at CNN, MSNBC and the networks. (“What will become of our heroic ‘truth to power speakers’?” cry their literally dozens of remaining viewers.)  

The upper echelons at the FBI are running around like headless chickens fearing the axe that they richly deserve, and the Pentagon is full of woke, armchair generals frantically trying to scrub their official media of all references to the DEI and CRT priorities that they’ve used to warp and weaken our military. 

Many despondent lefties have announced that they’re leaving X, including Don Lemon and Stephen King, while at the same time, some major advertisers are starting to return.

Speaking of trades that benefit our side, we really crushed it in the political cross-overs portal this time around!  We picked up Joe Rogan, Elon, Tulsi and RFK Jr., and we were able to dump Cryin’ Adam Kinzinger, Bill Kristol, David French, and several Cheney draft choices to be named later. 

In my evaluation of Trump’s early picks last week, I mentioned that Matt Gaetz is the only one I didn’t like.  But then I heard that when his AG nomination was announced, people in the CNN hallways were crying and hugging each other — which makes me wonder whether I’ve been too hasty.  But even if he doesn’t make it through confirmation, we’ll always have blubbering CNN staffers to thank him for!

Okay, let’s move on from lefties reaping the whirlwind – which makes me happy – to signals about Trump’s next moves, which make me even happier.  I’m so glad that Trump is actually going to try to use DOGE to eliminate government departments.  As a career academic, I LOVE that the Department of Education seems to be first on the chopping block.   

I know that there will be a lot of push-back, though.  Too many people have been conditioned to believe that cutting a department or its budget means harming whatever that department supposedly protects: cutting the EPA means our environment will be harmed; cutting OSHA will mean workers getting mangled; cutting Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms means that our children will be packing heat while chain-smoking and binge drinking.

Similarly, too many people will hear, “cut the Department of Education” and will think, “they’re cutting education!”  We will need a smart, disciplined educational push (ironically) to ease low-info voters’ minds about it. 

We can start by laying out the history – the Ed department wasn’t set up by George Washington in 1776, but by Jimmy Carter in 1979 – and then roll out the statistics.  I just did a little bit of research (it’s a cliché because it’s true: Simpsons are working dogs, not show dogs) and found the following info, which I suggest we use in a video presentation.

It should start with a slow, circling drone shot of a gigantic building, with a voice-over from Clint Eastwood: “This is the LBJ Department of Education Headquarters in Washington, DC.  It is 7 stories tall, and contains 643,000 square feet, but zero classrooms.  Of the 4,147 departmental employees, 2900 work in this building. None of them are classroom teachers.” 

“The average salary in the department is $137,881, which is almost 200% higher than the average American worker’s salary.  So the total salaries of those employees are over half a billion dollars a year, not counting benefits and pensions.  The tax dollars paid to the bureaucrats in this one building alone totals almost $400 million.”

Then we could go into the bigger picture.  Every state already has its own educational authority that is responsible to the state’s citizens.  The public has input and control over budgets, and what books can be bought and used, and whether there are charter, magnet or private schools, and homeschooling.  There are also county and local boards of education.  

If the parents in San Francisco want to spend CA taxpayers’ money on gay porn in the library and drag queen story hour, they can. If taxpayers in NYC want to take money away from standard English instruction and redirect it to teaching in Hmong and Urdu and 37 other languages, they can.  But if you live in a rational state, they shouldn’t dictate that to you.  And they don’t. 

So if we already have 50 states with state- and locally controlled schools, why do we need another layer of bureaucrats at the federal level?

The presentation could end with a variation on the excellent, “Are you better off now than you were 4 years ago?” gambit:

“Before Jimmy Carter, there was no federal department of education.  Back then, X percent of American kids could do math or read at grade level.  Now we spend 5X as much money as we did then, but X-minus-47% of American kids are performing at grade level.  Back then American kids ranked in the top 10 of all nations’ children.  Today we are 126th.  Our kids do worse than the Micronesians, the Macronesians, the Javanese, and the Guam-bats, all of whom spend an average of two chickens and a bag of brown rice per capita per annum on their children’s education.”

“Can we honestly say that our kids are getting a better education today than they were 50 years ago, or that we’re getting a good ROI for the billions we are spending?”

Then the lights could come up in a House conference room, where Jim Jordan and Josh Hawley would face a line-up of five edu-crats whose attendance was compelled by subpoenas.  You know what they’d look like: sweaty and shifty, with unnatural hair colors and multiple piercings, sitting behind name plates listing their worthless degrees, inflated titles, and idiotic pronouns (including “Huh?” and a shrug emoji).

None of them could make a cogent defense, and they’d all end up babbling about patriarchy and systemic racism and white nationalism.  And 89% of the public would approve the elimination of the federal Department of Education the following week.    

Finally, I’d love to see the new administration move on the following three ideas, and I am seriously requesting anybody in CO nation with legal or governmental experience to comment on whether and/or how these might be accomplished:

1. I’d like to see a strong push for national voting standards – for elections of president, senators and House members — including mandatory voter ID and election integrity safeguards, much more limited mail-in ballots, no more ballot harvesting or unsupervised drop boxes, etc.   Could that be done, and if so, would it require a constitutional amendment, or what?

2. I’d also like to see Trump use the power of the purse or federal law to end the practice of creating sanctuary cities or states.  Many blue states/cities are pledging to resist deportation efforts by ICE, and to shelter illegals.  Can they legally do that?  If so, could Trump and Congress impose financial sanctions on them – cutting off federal funds of various types (social services, education, welfare, etc.) until and unless the cities comply?  Could Congress go through the courts (up to the SCOTUS) to force compliance, or would it take a constitutional amendment?

3. I’d also love to see birthright citizenship ended.  I know that this one is probably a pipe dream, but I think it would be popular, especially after the last 4 years of outrageously open borders. 

My understanding is that automatic birthright citizenship was pretty much assumed in our country’s first century, for logical reasons: we occupied an enormous continent, and growing our small population was an important goal, so anyone born here was automatically granted citizenship. 

After the Civil War, the 14th amendment formally granted birthright citizenship to those born here as a way to ensure that former slaves would automatically be citizens.  But there were always exceptions, such as that children born on US soil to diplomats from other countries were not given citizenship. 

Especially in the last 50 years or so, as we’ve had a growing number of illegal immigrants – and a profligate welfare system that incentivizes them – it seems increasingly stupid for us to continue to grant birthright citizenship to anyone born to people who are here illegally.  That’s obviously drawn pregnant illegals to cross the border and give birth to “anchor babies,” who are then used to bring over whole families through chain migration. 

That practice also gives the opportunity to bad-faith lefties like AOC et. al. to wail about “family separation” that would result if we deported the illegal parents while allowing the citizen/infants to stay.  Common sense would suggest that we end the practice, thus removing a huge incentive for illegals to risk coming here during late pregnancy.

Does anyone in CO nation know whether or how we could attempt to end birthright citizenship? 

Even though I’m only a lowly Roving Correspondent, can I suggest that CO could put up a post on these last 3 topics to start the discussion for anyone who is interested?     

Hamas delenda est!

The Dems Face a Dilemma, & I React to Trump’s Picks (posted 11/15/24)

I’m finishing up this five-column week – yes, in case you missed it, I posted a new column yesterday afternoon – with a few thoughts on three subjects: the early indicators that the Dems aren’t learning their lesson; the many positive signs for a strong start to Trump’s upcoming term, and a quick reaction to Trump’s personnel picks so far.

After the whipping the Democrats just took, they are in disarray.  The power in their party still seems to belong to the extremists, who are dead-set on mis-interpreting why they lost.  They look at data showing that Trump won more women and minorities than any GOP candidate ever, and that almost every state – and every major blue city! – moved toward him in the election, and they see… wait for it… sexism, racism and bigotry everywhere!

They are incapable of looking into a mirror, or considering that they might be wrong about anything.  Their central messages were widely rejected from coast to coast, but they conclude that they just weren’t able to get their messages out!

Which means that they are likely to have a bloody internal war in the near future, and just like a hiring decision between two excellent Vietnamese candidates, it’s going to be a Nguyen-Nguyen situation for us.  (Boom!  Terrible dad joke when you least expected it!)

If the delusional radicals win, their party will go even farther left, and get stomped in the next several election cycles.  But if the few moderates/centrists they still have come out on top, the country will benefit from having two sane parties again.

On our side, I’m thrilled that Trump’s win demonstrates that we’ve learned the lessons of 2020 in ways that have set us up well for future cycles.  Charlie Kirk and others chased ballots, encouraged early voting, and used podcasts and smart social media to circumvent and further erode the power of the dying, hysterical MSM.  (Sure, some of that succeeded because of how existentially awful Que Mala was.  But still.)  We also had lawyers and observers everywhere, and were able to greatly curtail the amount of Dem cheating.

One other looming advantage for us is the change in the electoral college that is almost certainly coming after the 2030 census.  Between correcting for errors in the 2020 census, and the continuing trend of migration from blue states to red ones, we’ll likely have around 10 more electoral college votes assigned to red states from blue ones starting in 2032.  (If those had been in place last week, Trump could have lost MI, WI and PA and STILL won with 278 electoral college votes!)   

Trump is also benefiting from the experience of 2016-2020.  I think that even he was a little surprised to win in 2016, and without prior political experience and connections, he was slow to staff up, and the Dems effectively conspired to slow him down and hamstring him with investigations, the Russia hoax, etc.

This time he’s got a stronger team around him, he knows what to look out for, and we’re hitting the ground running.  He made a lot of bad personnel picks last time, but so far every pick he’s made – starting with JD instead of Pence! – is a clear improvement over the first term.

My favorites so far are Homan as Border Czar (about whom more in a minute), Elon and Vivek at the new DOGE, and Marco as Sec State.  I didn’t know anything about Susie Wiles a week ago, but I’ve read up on her, and I like everything I’m seeing. 

I also don’t know enough about Stefanik, Hegseth, or Mike Waltz to have a strong opinion, though what I know is positive.   I like Lee Zelden a lot.  I’ve got some questions about RFK Jr. and Tulsi, and am not happy with Gaetz.

I love Homan for the border, though!  You might recognize him from when he was Dennis Franz on NYPD Blue, or possibly Michael Chiklis on The Shield.  He’s got the best attributes of a gruff NYC cop, including an aggressive, tolerate-no-BS demeanor.

If you haven’t seen it yet, you should watch AOC and Pramila Jayapal trying to question him before congress.  In both instances they recreate the stories you see every so often when some dimwit jumps into a tiger enclosure in a zoo and ends up getting pummeled like they were on a date with Doug Emhoff.  (I love the part where zoo officials yank them out, usually with all of their limbs, most of their blood and half of their clothes.) 

I’m hoping that Elon is using Starlink to beam video of Homan’s congressional testimony – with appropriate local subtitles – into every country from which illegals are coming.  He’s got to be worth about a third of a border wall by himself!

I’m generally okay with RFK Jr., pending how he does during confirmation and on the job.  I know he’s been labeled anti-vax (in general, not just re: covid) and kind of kooky.  But I think he brings a needed skepticism (if not antipathy!) to the medical establishment that, if kept disciplined, will be a useful corrective to the Fauci-esque arrogance and corruption.  I’m not thrilled that he was a lifelong Dem until 10 minutes ago (like Tulsi), though he was helpful to us in the election, and if his repudiation of the Dems is authentic, I’m all for welcoming people from the other side who wise up and come over, to sin no more.

Tulsi has impressed me this last year – she’s smart, her military background and love of country are obvious plusses, and leaving the Dem party (after demolishing Que Mala in the 2019 Dem primaries) was a service to the nation.  She appears to have really gotten her mind right lately.

On the other hand, she too was a life-long Dem, and that’s always going to be worrisome to me.  Ideally, our big appointments would have a long record of demonstrated conservatism behind them.  (On the other hand, I was worried about Trump in 2016 for similar reasons: he was a life-long pro-choice Democrat, had worked hand-in-glove with the sleazy NY leftist/Dem power structure for decades, etc.  But he’s obviously come around, so I think Tulsi has that possibility too.)  So I guess I’m cautiously optimistic about her, just like RFK.

I don’t like Gaetz though.  He acted like a selfish attention-seeker in the GOP house wars, IMHO, and I was not convinced by his argument that he went after McCarthy out of conservative principle rather than personal rivalry and spite.   His defenders will say that McCarthy was a RINO traitor and deserved his over-throw, and I would agree that he wasn’t conservative enough for me.  (But neither is almost anyone, including Trump, Gaetz, most of the GOP House and Senate, etc.)

On the other hand, Trump supported McCarthy for Speaker, so if you’re a consistent always-Trumper, I think that means that Gaetz is a RINO too.  (I think that’s the transitive property in action, but I was never that good at math.)  And the fact that Gaetz (and his handful of unimpressive backers) scuttled McCarthy by siding with all of the terrible Dems in congress was not great.  (As a general principle, I’ve always believed that if you ever find yourself being cheered by Ilhan Omar, AOC, Rashida Talib, Hakeem Jeffries et. al., you’ve taken a very wrong turn in life.)

And that he did so while having no plan for a more conservative replacement – who, as it turned out, doesn’t seem to have existed – was very dumb, and self-destructive to our cause.

It’s also a red flag for me that he quit the House one day before they were to release a report on the sex allegations against him, apparently in an attempt to keep that report under wraps.  Don’t get me wrong: any report or investigation that was put together by the corrupt Dems is NOT dispositive to me.  I don’t trust them, and I’d like to hear the evidence, and Gaetz’s side of the story.

By the same token, I expect much better (and a higher standard) from our side than the Dems have held themselves to.  I think it would probably be smart to air that report and allow Gaetz to defend himself against it as part of his confirmation hearings.  (If it looks like BS, I’d love to see us confirm him, just as a groin-kick to the Democrats!)

Last, and least importantly, Gaetz has a SFPI (Simpson Face Punchability Index™) of 8.8.  So that’s not good. 

Overall, I think that Trump deserves his picks, and it looks like he’s off to a very good start, but at this point Gaetz feels like an unforced error to me.

Finally, even before the news came out that Bob Casey is trying to cheat to win the Senate seat he just lost to Dave McCormick – and how sweet is it that we’re on top of it, and suing and ready to expose that corruption to the whole country! – I love it that Casey wouldn’t give up.

Remember back to last Monday, when refusing to concede an election was treason, and a disqualifying attack on our sacred democracy which merited a long jail sentence, if not execution? 

I do.  But just barely.  Because every time I start to remember it, I’m hit with another incoming wave of dopamine as I lie on a metaphorical beach with my MAGA hat down over my eyes to protect them from the dazzling sunlight of a glorious dawning of four years of American recovery. 

But I haven’t forgotten about the Dems completely.  Because as the old 80s song said, “The future’s so bright, I’ve got to throw shade!” 

I think I’ve got that lyric right, but between the bourbon and the dopamine, who knows?

Have a great weekend everybody! 

Hamas delenda est!

Three Categories of Dems Suffering After the Election (posted 11/13/24)

As I am writing this, it has been exactly one week to the hour since the Trumpzilla stomped through the battleground states, crushing the pollsters beneath his mighty orange feet, scattering the he/shes and the Whoopies and the Joys, and trampling out the vintage where the shenanigans and graft were stored! 

Yes, the dopamine is still rolling through my veins, like the terrifying bouillabaisse of STDs in Bill Clinton’s!

So naturally, the soundtrack for today’s column is the manic “One Week,” from the pop band Barenaked Ladies.  If you haven’t heard it, you should listen now.  It’s an upbeat sprint with machine-gun-fast lyrics, a few of which fit perfectly with this glorious election.

I’m thinking specifically of the chorus, which I will subtly tweak here: 

“How can I help it if I think you’re funny when you’re mad?

Trying hard not to smile, though I don’t feel bad.

I’m the kind of guy who laughs at leftist funerals,

Can’t understand what I mean?  You soon will.

You came in cocky, with a hate-filled mania,

But I just heard that Donald Trump took Pennsylvania!”

If any of you in CO nation feel the creative juices flowing, feel free to tweak some of the lyrics and put them in the comments.  Here’s one more example, from the start of the fifth verse:

“Top commie Xi feels like a Chinese chicken,

Wants to take Taiwan but now the clock is tickin’

Thought he’d be okay with Harris in there,

‘cause there’s no there there,

But now it’s Trump and that’s a problem.”

Okay, enough frivolity.  In my next column I’m going to cover some of the good news that is coming out of the Trump camp, and which bodes well for the next four years.  But I’m not quite done with celebrating the obnoxiousness of the frustrated lefties and the fits they are still throwing about the election.

I’ve grouped these into three categories.  The first is the sad-sack, street-level Democrat foot soldiers.  They believed all the lies and propaganda they’ve been fed, and I actually feel sorry for them.  Most of them seem to have either had a rough childhood, or else they’ve been spoiled rotten, or they’ve been raised by some really sub-par, politically poisonous parents. 

I’m holding out hope that some in this category can still turn things around for themselves, if they can just accept and learn the lessons from the beating that reality just gave them last week.      

Perhaps the best examples of these are the far-left gender feminists who recorded hysterical videos and shaved their heads in protest of Trump’s election.  If I could just talk to them, face-to-face, I think I could explain the hilarious yet painful reality they’re going to face between now and the middle of February or so.  I would say something like this…

You’ve bought into the ginned-up hyperbole in media, Democrat and academic circles that Trump’s supporters are a threatening patriarchal army of storm troopers, and you’re the brave resistance, fighting the good fight from your romanticized underground.  You really believed that they are going to be coming for you, kicking in doors and dragging you off, forcing you into those idiotic Handmaid Tale outfits and breeding you against your will.

And now you’re going to spend the next two months commiserating with other paranoid lefties, re-shaving your head and putting on 25 pounds from binge/grief eating and preparing for the lowering of the Orange Curtain (so much worse than the Iron Curtain of your socialist co-religionists!) over your imagined Amerikka.

And then, a couple weeks after the inauguration, you’ll discover that no one has come for you.  You shaved your head, quit your job at the vegan bookstore, got a few more piercings and a Planned Parenthood solidarity tattoo on your right butt cheek, stopped paying the rent on your apartment (since you’ll soon be in a camp) and braced yourself for the ominous knock at your door. 

But nobody came.  Not on the first day of “Trump II: the Re-Trumpening.”  Not during the first or second week.   

And then you’ll stagger out into the street, bloated and bleary-eyed from crying yourself to sleep, blinking in the sunlight and running your hand over the ugly stubble on your stupidly shaved head.

And you’ll see happy and optimistic citizens, walking around with purpose as they begin to enjoy a newly liberated America, with an economy that’s picking up and civil rights that are being protected.  As if it were morning in America again. 

Because it is!

And it will start to dawn on you: We don’t hate you.  We don’t even know you.  Your angry social media manifestos and your slam poetry meant to overturn the capitalist system has had no impact, other than making you unnecessarily miserable.

The patriarchy isn’t afraid of you, or obsessed with controlling you.  It doesn’t care about you one way or the other, because it’s not really a thing.   You’re not a member of an exciting, transgressive new gender, because there are still only the two.    

You’re just a gullible goofball who fell for the lies of the most hateful, oppressive grifters to appear in America since the Democrat slaveholders were defeated by Lincoln and his Republican armies in the 1860s.

If you can accept that realization, and get through the shame, and repent – renouncing the leftist devils and all of their evil ways – we’d love to have you join us as we do our best to undo the damage of the last four years.        

(By the way, on your imbecilic charge of GOP “Nazism”, I am begging you to read just a little bit of history.  The acronym “Nazi” refers to a party of “German socialist workers.”  Hitler opposed international socialism NOT because he was a conservative/right-winger, but because he was a xenophobe who wanted a German NATIONAL socialism.  Do you see the through-line there?  Hitler vs. Stalin was a socialist-on-socialist battle royale.)

The second category is the professional class: organizers, bureaucrats and academics.  You may have seen the best example of this group: the video put up by a lefty woman named Arlene at 5:00 on election day.  Search for it under “Dr. Arlene Political Analyst.”

She laughs and smirks her way through telling the story of a lowly store clerk she encountered that day, when she was buying champagne to celebrate Kamala’s certain win that night.  When the clerk looked skeptical, Arlene explained to him – in 180-proof condescension – that Kamala was definitely going to win.

It all comes down to “reproductive rights” you see, and the abortion-loving women of America were going to dominate the ballot box.  In fact, Que Mala was going to sweep all 7 battleground states, plus Iowa!  When the poor male dullard still seemed skeptical, she said, “I’m a political analyst, and I’m telling you right now, she’s winning this election.”

Then she rubbed it in: “You do realize that you’ve wasted your vote, right?”  And then she cackled more obnoxiously than Kamala, which I wouldn’t have believed possible. 

If you watch the video, don’t forget to watch the sequel, which she recorded after Trump stomped Kamala.  Because her reaction is chef’s-kiss perfect.  The cackle and smirking are gone, but she has figured out why her flawless prediction was off. “There is one fundamental thing that you cannot account for when you are using data to predict the outcome of an election.  You can’t factor in the impact of racism and misogyny.” 

Unexpectedly!

I am afraid that there is less hope for this woman and the others in her category, because once you’ve acquired advanced degrees and achieved this level of narcissistic arrogance, it’s going to take a planetary extinction-level event to have any chance of piercing the reinforced shell of your immense self-regard with even a tiny bit of reality.

(By the way, this woman temporarily broke the SFPI© (Simpson Face Punchability Index).  The maximum score possible should be a perfect 10, but when I entered this video, the reading was 12.5.  I’ve got my engineering team working on the problem, but so far it seems like the extreme level of smugness overwhelmed the Index.)

The third and most rarified category of wrong-headed lefty is made up of the top of the pyramid, those who hold the most respected positions at the top of our supposedly elite cultural institutions.

The archetypal example here is the august membership of the NY Times Editorial Board.  This crazy cabal put out a 10-minute video last week entitled, “The Worst Version of a Trump Administration,” and it’s as wildly and irrationally apocalyptic as any of the crying leftist mental-patient TikTok videos. 

Each genius recorded his or her doomsday predictions, which are presented sequentially.  And each one is more unhinged than the last.  One white lady with a schoolmarm vibe warns that Trump will send troops into “neighborhoods like my own to round up undocumented immigrants… and set up a network of camps.” 

One of them solemnly fears his promise “to become a dictator on day 1.”  Another one says, with a straight face, that Trump might bomb Mexico. 

Something called “M. Gessen” – birth name “Masha,” but a non-binary “they/them” who is either a very homely woman, or a very frail and still homely man – says Trump will essentially destroy our institutions.  (On second glance, it/they appears to have a beard, but it’s the thinnest, wispiest beard imaginable, and seems to whisper “see what taking male hormones can do?”  So your guess is as good – and as gross – as mine.)

Charles “Boy Does He” Blow says that Trump’s policies are “democracy ending.”

Again, these are not the kind of rando-s you might expect to see on a “womyn’s TikTok forum,” or the lost and wandering souls milling around outside a methadone clinic.  They are the editorial board of the NEW YORK FREAKING TIMES!!

These are the people who generate and disseminate the paranoid fantasies that filter down to the professional category – providing them with the building materials for their arrogant self-image – and down to the foot-soldier category, trapping them in their unsophisticated, self-imposed misery.

I picture a carved sign over the NYT boardroom reading, “Abandon all Hope, Ye Who Enter Here,” because there must be a special place in hell for those who do this much damage to their society. 

I am almost convinced that they have to know that the cartoonish depiction of the unspeakable horrors of the coming Trump term is false.  How could they not? 

But then if they do know, how can they record this idiocy, knowing that they’re going to be exposed as either liars or fools?  This isn’t like global warming doomsday scenarios, when people saying America will be underwater in a century will be long dead before their predictions are disproved. 

These people will still be here in four years (with the possible exception of M. Gessen, who does not look well) when their paranoid fantasies will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are morons.

Let’s all save that video, and meet back here right before Christmas of 2028, when we can drink to the memories of P-Nut the Squirrel, Fred the Raccoon, and the disgraced members of the NYT Editorial Board.

Hamas delenda est!

Things are Getting Better, & How Did Kamala Burn Through that much Cash? (posted 11/12/24)

The good feelings in the aftermath of Trump’s election are coming from two sources at once: the immediate positive results from a radical shift in direction, and the sweet schadenfreude of watching our opponents receive their much-deserved comeuppance.

The exuberance flowing from the former feels like we’ve been suffering from a long and miserable illness, and the fever has finally broken.  It reminds me of when Reagan won in 1980.

I was a callow youth of 18 when Reagan was elected, and because I was one of those strange young males who was interested mostly in sports and girls (and sure, tons of reading), I didn’t pay much attention to politics.  But I followed the biggest issues in the news, and in the subsequent years, as I got into politics, I came to admire Reagan, as right-thinking people do.

And I loved the way that this optimistic leader brought such a change of outlook to America.  Carter’s tired, leftist defeatism and malaise burned off like a fog after the sunrise, and though it took 18 months for Reagan’s economic policies to start bearing fruit, the mood changed immediately.

Carter didn’t seem to have much faith in the nation, and his defenders said that his grim struggling was mostly because the presidency had become too burdensome for one man to shoulder.  Then Reagan entered, and said, “Hold my jar of jellybeans and watch this.”  He clearly loved the country, and his outlook had more optimism than caution to it. 

The most obvious change came in foreign policy, when the Islamic fanatics in Iran who had been holding our hostages for over a year released them immediately.  From there Reagan started cheerfully opposing the soviet socialists, and began the pushback that would cause the USSR’s collapse shortly after he left office. 

There is a more contemporary example of that Reagan-esque “morning in America” feeling.  Or in this case, “morning in Argentina.”  Javier Milei became the president there, and many saw him as a Trumpy figure.  He was brash and bold, and to the wild hair he added the craziest mutton-chop sideburns since Mungo Jerry.  (Boom!  Obscure pop culture reference ripped from the headlines… of 1970.)  

Milei introduced a pro-free-market package of policies that included government austerity, and tearing through the national bureaucracy like a chainsaw.  And in a very short time, he’s achieved incredible economic and quality-of-life gains for the Argentinian people.

A week out from Trump’s election, I’m already getting some Reagan-with-Mungo-Jerry-sideburns vibes.  Just as the Ayatollah released our hostages in 1981, the government of Qatar – which had been sheltering some top Hamas kleptocrats for over a year now – suddenly (within 48 hours of Trump’s victory) announced that they were kicking those creeps out of Doha. 

I wonder why?  Do you think it has anything to do with the fact that Biden’s attitude has been, “Qatar should mediate negotiations between Hamas and Israel that will go on for 47 years with no resolution,” and that Trump’s new offer is, “We’re giving the IDF lots of weapons and letting them off the chain, and they’re going to start dropping buildings and handing out ballistic enemas in Qatar the way they have been in Gaza and Lebanon”?

Coincidentally, the value of the Iranian currency has dropped, Hamas is putting out peace feelers in the press, and hostile world leaders know that they will soon be dealing with a confident US leader leaning into “peace through strength,” rather than a shuffling corpse or a cackling fellatrix pushing “peace through appeasement.”

Meanwhile at home, the NYC Mayor just announced that he’s stopping the insane policy of providing $18,500 welfare payments to illegals in his city, and the mostly corrupt top brass at the the FBI and elsewhere in DC are scrambling to find other employment before the orange broom begins to sweep clean.   

The schadenfreude from our opponents’ shell-shocked disarray continues to come hard and fast, too.  Suddenly no one on the left will admit to ever having had anything to do with Joe Biden or Kamala Harris.  Except for the dope on CNN who says Que Mala should be appointed to SCOTUS!

I can just hear their debates now:

Que Mala: I was raised in the middle class—

John Roberts: You can’t begin every dissent with, “I was raised—”

Que Mala: I’m speaking.  Will you let me speak?

Alito: This case is about contested rights over fisheries in coastal waters—

Que Mala: These fisherpersons have hopes.  They have dreams.  They have—

Thomas: Aspirations?

Que Mala (glaring at him): I didn’t just fall out of a coconut tree.

Roberts: What?  Nobody said—

Que Mala: I’m speaking!

And, scene.

One of the funniest developments of the last week has been finding out that the political party of hugely wasteful government spending programs blew through a shockingly high mountain of cash in their failed campaign.

Unexpectedly!

Kamala raised a billion dollars – “billion” with a “B!” – and somehow ended up $20 mil in the hole!  It turns out every sleazy celebrity who posed as a close personal friend and committed leftist was charging the Dem campaign for their appearances.  Creepy Oprah – who is literally a billionaire – reportedly charged Kamala $1 million to “interview” her for the cameras.

Sure, I’d listen to Kamala’s inane word salad for a million bucks.  But not if I had Oprah’s money!

And the rest of the Dem brain trust weren’t much smarter than Kamala.  Because they poured just under half a billion dollars ($495 mil) into 5 Senate races – two defending Dems in MT and OH, and three going after GOP seats in MO, TX and FL.  And they went 0-for-5 in those races!

If you’re keeping score at home, the GOP spent around $500 million and won the White House, the Senate and the House, while the Dems spent over 3 times that much.  And all they achieved with all of that cash was to kill P-nut the Squirrel and Fred the Raccoon, and to make all of the women (including those assigned male at birth) in the “main-stream media” cry like toddlers and throw hilariously entertaining tantrums. 

One added bonus: the elite Left now has $1.5 billion less to spend on the next election cycle!

Speaking of added bonuses, our cup continues to runneth over – after all the joy that hath cometh in the morning! – because our leftist betters seem to have learned zero lessons from their epic beatdown.

Ken-Doll Newsom has called a special legislative session to beef up CA’s resources to fight Trump on environmentalism, abortion, and immigration, and Jabba the Pritzker in IL and Schumer and Hochul in NY are calling for similar efforts.  In reality, that means that taxpayers in those states will have more of their money wasted.  Post-Dobbs, abortion is handled completely by the states already, and they are free to spend state dollars on green boondoggles to their hearts’ content.    

In Massachusetts, Grandma Squanto is on the warpath too, vowing the same kind of “resistance” to the legitimately elected government of our nation.  She’s setting up a pitched battle of cowboys and Warrens (#wemustneverstopmockingher) along the same lines as the other blue governors. 

Because their deep and abiding love of our sacred democracy requires them to fight the voters’ express preferences tooth and nail, of course.

I’ll leave you with one more bit of good news.

Oops, two: my daughter Katie is fully recovered, and has already been back to nursing for two shifts.  Thanks again for all the thoughts and prayers for her!

Second, MSNBC went into the weekend trying to give their benighted viewers some hope for the future in the form of a story headlined, “Five Democrats in prime position to be face of the party in 2028.” 

(Please feel free to insert your own “faces only a mother could love” joke here.)

The line-up is as follows:

CA’s Ken-Doll

MI’s Gretchen “Wicked Whitmer of the Mid-west” Whitmer

IN’s Mayor Pete

PA’s Josh Shapiro

MD’s Governor Wes Moore

The first three are well-known and well-loathed, due to their records of failed governance.  Their best attributes seem to be their identity-politics box checking: Whitmer is female (sort of), Pete is gay (and likes choo choos), and Newsom is sort of non-binary, due to his featureless plastic genital region.

But after this election – in which Trump got record high (for the GOP) vote percentages from blacks, Hispanics, suburban women, native Americans, Jews and even Amish! – the bloom may have gone off the identity-politics rose.

So the front runners would have to be Shapiro and Moore.  The former because all we know of him is how he compares to Tampon Tim Walz (and clearing that bar means literally nothing), and the latter because he is completely unknown.

Shapiro’s Jewishness is likely to hurt his chances amongst the jihadi element of the Democrat base, but Moore is black.  So he is the defacto Dem to beat, because of anti-white racism, and his totally unknown status.

I know it’s a little early for the Polymarket to start cranking up for 2028. 

But I’ve gotta say, I like our chances so far.

Hamas delenda est!

The Happiness Continues (posted 11/11/24)

It’s still sinking in, guys!  It’s five days later, and the relief and the joy – which, it turns out, doesn’t just cometh in the morning, but also the next day, and the next day, and at Thanksgiving, and at Christmas and most definitely in January! – is still sinking in!

My six-day (and counting!) experience of waves of happiness has reminded me of one of my favorite jokes from the late great Norm MacDonald (man, I miss that guy, along with Sam Kinison!).  You can find it online, and Norm tells it way better than I can write it, but it’s about LSD:

“They warned me that you’ve got to be careful with that LSD, because you can have flashbacks.  Ten years can go by, 20 years, 30 years, and then you’ll have a flashback.  And I thought hey, that sounds like a good deal.  You’re telling me that I buy a drug, and I eat it and get high, and then 20 years later, I get high again?  I like to stretch my drug dollar.”  Then he goes on to bemoan the fact that he’s never actually gotten a flashback.  

Well, this Trump victory over Que Mala and all the forces of darkness is giving me what Norm was looking for with his foray into LSD.  Because I got a hat-trick of dopamine, serotonin and endorphins hit me on Tuesday night, and the giddy flashbacks have been coming in quasi-orgasmic waves ever since.  If I were still teaching, my productivity would have dropped off a cliff!

Fortunately for all of us, my vocation now is writing about politics and mocking leftists, so I am a pig in slop.  A Hunter in a brothel!  A Pritzker in a Krispy Kreme factory!!

All of these happiness neurotransmitters are hitting me like the discovery of drugs hit the Beatles, and I feel like I’m ready to get into the studio and knock out the political commentary equivalent of Abbey Road every day for a month!    

In fact, right now I’ve got 4000 words drafted, which is two and a half columns, and I’ve got notes for that many more.  This is likely going to be another 4-column week, at least! 

So all of you who say my columns are too long, and you’re tired of winning, it’s just too much winning… Suck it, Trebek!  The bodies of our political enemies litter the field before us, and it’s time to trample the wounded and hurdle the dead.  (Rhetorically speaking, I mean.)  And to savor the lamentations of their men who identify as women!

Whoo.  Let me catch my breath.

While I do that, the soundtrack for today’s column is a cover of the Beastie Boys’ “Sabotage” by a group called “Brass Against.”  It’s a three-minute adrenalin dump that I’ve been listening to compulsively since Wednesday.

The song captures my paranoia, anxiety and anger about the way the Dems rigged the 2020 elction, and the way I feared they were going to sabotage us again this time.  “Brass Against” is 9 people with the usual players (vocalist, drummer, guitar), but also a great horn section (2 trumpets, 2 trombones, a sousaphone and baritone sax), and their cover is great.  They’ve got the same dirty guitar of the original, and the female vocalist has the same nasal NY Beastie Boys tone, but that brass, though!

Turn it on, and blast it.  And when you get to 1:40, wait for things to crescendo into the cacophonous wall of sound and primal scream that goes on for 30 seconds – THAT’s what I felt when they called PA for Trump!

Okay. If I smoked, I’d be lighting one up right now.  Since I don’t, let’s just move on.

So one of my favorite stories this week appeared in the NY Post, and it covered a TikTok posted by Tim Walz’s daughter after the election.

I know what you’re thinking: That skipping dipsh*t fathered a child?!

Apparently so.  And she’s 23, and named Hope Walz.  (If her middle name isn’t “Less,” I am very disappointed.) She’s got a nose ring, and is the type of angry, narcissistic goofball who has no qualms about recording and posting a whiny video of herself being hilariously wrong about politics.

Unexpectedly!

She’s eating Sponge Bob mac-and-cheese on a couch (as normal adults do), and wants us to know that she’s heartbroken and angry, and that she doesn’t think too highly of Trump and Vance.  She says that she’s grateful to be her, and glad “that she’s on the side of love, hope, joy and progress.” 

Wow!  A leftist white lady who thinks that she’s just aces, and looks down on everybody who disagrees with her?  The hell you say!

She does get one thing right, though.  “This country does not deserve Kamala Harris!”

Amen, sister, and thank God!

An extra bonus I got from reading that story?  I learned that Trump beat Harris and Walz in Walz’s home county in Minnesota.  HA!  

In the same vein as poor Hope(less) Walz, I’ve been enjoying another bullet dodged by my younger, single, male brethren.  I’m talking about the trend of leftist females going online to proclaim that they’re going on a sex strike against men.  A few of them have even shaved their heads on camera, as a means of protesting the election.

Which gives me many thoughts.

Thoughts such as, “So you’re still happy with having hairy armpits and legs, but the hair on your head is what has to go?”

And, “I’m not saying these ladies are unattractive.  But when shaving your head is a lateral move, looks-wise…”

And, “I don’t think you know what motivates straight guys at all.  I mean, if someone who looks like Melania or Megyn Kelly says she’s on a sex strike, most guys are going to be flying a flag of mourning at half-mast.  (And yes, you may have just detected an extremely subtle double entendre right there.) 

But these gals?  It’s a big combo of “meh” and “whew!”

I’ve also learned another new thing when I came across these stories, many of which have the term “4B” on the screen.  And because I’m not just a pretty face and a razor-sharp wit, I buckled down and did some research to enlighten CO nation.  (It’s a cliché because it’s true: we Simpsons are working dogs, not show dogs.)

And it turns out that the term “4B” has its origins in a feminist movement that started in South Korea, and it refers to “four Korean words beginning with ‘bi’ or “no” in English:  1. Bihon (no marriage with men), 2 Bichulsan (no childbirth), 3. Biyeonae (no dating men), 4. Bisekseu (no heterosexual sexual relationships). 

If all of these TikTokers will allow me to man-splain something – because I know that feminist “4B” chicks must really love that – they could have saved themselves 3 auxiliary Bs, and boiled their cunning plan down to just the 4th B. 

Because if “bisekseu” means “no hetero sex,” that’ s going to pretty much preclude the other three Bs.  (I really hope that the Korean education system is better than ours, and that Korean women thus already understand that if there’s no hetereo-sex going on, they’re not going to have to worry about childbirth!) (Or marriage, for that matter.)

I like to think that we can all learn from everything we read, and I’ve learned a valuable life-hack from this research.  Because for most of my life, I’ve been plagued with a recurring problem: when women encounter me – in class, or on the street, or in a restaurant or store – some of them will take note of my firm jawline and dreamy eyes, and approach me flirtatiously.

If my wife is with me at such times, she’ll give them a look that communicates her ferocious Viking heritage, and they will slowly back away, trembling.  But if I’m alone, things are trickier.  That’s why I carry a collapsible metal baton that I can open with a flick of my wrist and wield defensively.  (I used to carry a pitching wedge with me at all times for this purpose, but that got awkward in some social settings.)

But now that I’ve read about the delightfully diverse Korean culture, I’ve got a new strategy.  I’ll just raise both arms in front of me, palms outward, and say in a firm and loud voice, “Bisekseu!”

I’ve already shared this brilliant strategy with CO and the other Roving Correspondents, and I’m sharing it with all of you now.  You’re welcome.

Okay, another column’s coming tomorrow, but I’ve got to leave you with my favorite unhinged leftist proposal from the last several days.  (And the competition is stiff!) 

CNN bonehead Bakari Sellers floated the idea of Biden replacing Sonia Sotomayor on the Supreme Court before Trump takes office in January.  That’s not a bad idea from the Democrats’ point of view: Sotomayor is 70 and rumored to have some health issues, so they’d love to avoid another RBG situation and put a younger far-left justice on the court before the Orange Menace takes over.

But then Bakari shows that he may have been dipping into the Bacardi.  Because his recommended replacement for Sotomayor is… wait for it… Kamala Harris!

That’s right, the woman who just definitively proved that she is not qualified to run a lemonade stand, and is the emptiest of all empty pantsuits…  He thinks SHE would be a good pick for the highest court in the land! 

Of course, Bakari is just like most of our leftist elites who expected that she’d be the next president.  They thought they’d be able to ride a wave of faux joy and smearing us as Nazis into another four devastating years in the White House.  Thank God they were so wildly wrong!

Or as the Beastie Boys might have told them, “Your crystal ball ain’t so crystal clear.”

Speaking of Nazis, on this Veterans’ Day, I’ll bet a ton of our military heroes, from those who hit the beaches in Normandy to go kick some socialist arse in 1944 all the way up to today, are celebrating Trump’s forthcoming second term along with all of us.   

Hamas delenda est!

More Delicious Fall-Out From the Election (posted 11/8/24)

I feel like we are all close enough by now that I can start this column out on a personal note. 

I have been blessed to live a life in which I’ve had more than my share of great weeks.  There was the week I closed on and married my wife – a woman so far out of my league that I still have to look up at her through a telescope, like Lord Nelson scanning the horizon from the deck of his flagship in the late 17th century.

There were the weeks in 1997 and 2002 when my daughters were born, and the week in 2013 when Cassie the Wonder Dog joined our family.  Not to mention the fourth week of January 1986, when the greatest NFL team in history (Da Bears) won the Super Bowl.

But this week isn’t even over yet, and it’s already edged out the Bears, the Wonder Dog, and one of the daughters’ birth.  (Never mind which one, because that would hurt her feelings.) (And yes, of course, I’m kidding!)

I have spent the last two days scanning the internet and flipping through channels, savoring the greatest election of my lifetime, and I haven’t even scratched the surface yet.  I’m awash in dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins, along with just the right amount of bourbon. 

I’m actually whistling to myself, like a dwarf in a Disney movie! 

In fact, I’m having physiological reactions that are probably not healthy, if they last too long.  My hilarious, over-performing brain has been competing for precious blood supply with other parts of my body, and my brain is not entirely winning, to the extent that I am experiencing intermittent difficulties in just maintaining consciousness.

Perhaps I’ve said too much. 

By the way, after I mentioned several songs that were my soundtrack for the election night and early morning, CO nation member Bruce Townshend (for whom I would much more happily yell, “Brrrruuuuuce!” than I would for Springsteen these days) suggested that I provide a soundtrack for each column that I write. 

While I’m not sure I can sustain that, I know the song that’s become an earworm over my last 36 hours.  It’s the theme song from the greatest of all live-action puppet movies, Team America: World Police.  It first popped into my head when I heard that Bibi Netanyahu quickly called Trump with congratulations, and I immediately thought about what the leaders of Iran, Hezbollah and Hamas must have thought when they found out that Trump is coming back.

Use Duckduckgo.com (not commie Google) to find that theme song, and prepare to meld your thoughts with mine.  Language alert though: it’s a cheerfully and childishly vulgar song, and if “F” bombs are beyond the pale for you, please don’t listen!   

I have been giddily watching leftist celebrities melting down since the election.  Jimmy Kimmel’s tearful reaction was especially delicious, with perfect tones of whiny, emotional narcissism throughout. (He’s more of a woman than Melania Trump is, and that’s neither an insult to her nor a compliment to him!)

He ran through a list of people for whom election night “was a terrible night,” including women, hard-working immigrants, healthcare workers, scientists, free speech fans, poor people, the middle class, seniors, etc.  Of course he didn’t mention whether the immigrants are here illegally or not, and he laughably suggested that free speech is more welcomed among his Soviet-style censoring friends than it will be under Trump and Elon.   

And his complete lack of self-awareness is clear when he frets over the poor and middle class, both of whom voted for Trump in greater numbers than ever before.

He ends perfectly: It was a terrible night for those who voted against Trump (finally, an accurate one!), and, “It was also a bad night for everyone who voted for him.  You just don’t realize it yet.”

Got that?  You – meaning the majority of the country now – are so stupid that you don’t even realize what a terrible mistake you’ve made.  Jimmy knows better, and you’ve really let him down.

Joy(less) Reid made a similarly idiotic point, saying that Kamala “ran a flawless campaign.” Her evidence?  “Queen Latifah never endorses candidates, but she did this time.”  Kamala lined up “all kinds of celebrity endorsements.” 

Yes she did.  And as we’ve all heard our whole lives, “As goes Queen Latifah, so goes the nation.”  

Yet somehow, all of that celebrity preaching – Springsteen’s caterwauling, the Avengers’ lame repartee, Bill Maher’s nasal condescension – didn’t work with regular people. 

Unexpectedly!

We’ve disappointed them all, from DeNiro, Streisand and Oprah to Michael Moore, Taylor Swift, and the harpies on the View, etc. and etc. 

“How are we ever going to get through this?” you are not asking.  Because just like me, you know that you will somehow manage to persevere in spite of the crushing disappointment we’ve inflicted on our leftist betters. 

Sorry: BECAUSE of that disappointment, not “in spite of” it.

Probably my favorite backfiring leftist outreach came from actress Julia Roberts.  She did the voice-over for a creepy ad recommending that clever, secretly Kamala-loving wives lie to their slow-witted Trump-supporting husbands, telling the hubbies that they’d voted for Trump when they’d actually voted for the Cackler.

Since everyone knows that the keys to a healthy marriage are deceiving your spouse and voting for vapid idiots, you’ll be shocked to learn that Roberts has gone through a long series of high-profile break-ups and one divorce, and is now married to a guy she messed around with when he was married to someone else.

Man, I hope that dude just voted for Trump while wearing a “White Dudes for Kamala” button!  

The drama-queen leftist politicians have been as much fun to watch as the leftist celebrities. Illinois Governor Pritzker (D-irigible) had a tough-guy warning for Trump.  “I’m a happy eater.  So you come for my comically oversized turkey leg, you [have to] come through me!”

Which I found pretty confusing.  I mean, I don’t know why—

Oh, hang on.  I got that quote wrong.  He actually said, “I’m a happy warrior,” and, “You come for my people, you come through me!” 

Which sounds more logical, but less true.  Does he think Trump is threatening the suffering people of Illinois, or that he’s ‘coming for them’?” 

Though I’ll grant you one thing: if Trump wants to get at Illinois residents and to do so he has to “go through” Pritzker, he’s going to need some sort of an armored vehicle – preferably with a sturdy cow-catcher mounted on the front of it – to get through the Round Mound of Unsound (policy).

I am especially loving watching the top Dems and their camps pointing fingers and blaming each other.  It’s often said that there’s no way to fix a problem until you’ve correctly diagnosed what caused it.  If that’s true, the Dems better prepare for a lot more losing in the near future. 

Because after watching more hours of MSNBC and CNN in the last two days than I have in the previous several years, I don’t see anybody learning any lessons over there!

Many of them are blaming Joe Biden, either for running for a second term at all, or for staying in there so late.  And of course they’ve got a point, since he deteriorated frightfully by the middle of his term.  But they’re all acting like the Democrat machine and party base were blameless in that situation.

It’s not like Biden descended from heaven, and they all had no choice in the matter!  Everyone could plainly see his infirmity and his “cuckoo fried chicken” mental state in 2020. 

But since Bernie scares any voters who aren’t far-left commies, and the rest of their bench looked like a bunch of dysfunctional rejects from a bottom-dwelling triple-AAA farm club, they anointed Joey Gaffes as the party nominee, then shoved him into the basement and later managed to drag him out and across the finish line that November.

Then, after his first two disastrous years – with the opened border; the wasteful geyser of trillions shoved out the door on far-left boondoggles; the bloody mess of the nightmarish Afghanistan pull-out; the screaming rant in front of Independence Hall set-dressed as the 1930s Reichstag; the raging inflation and the monumental civil rights violation of useless forced masking and vaxing – you idiots let him run again, without a primary!      

Many are blaming Que Mala, and of course they have a point too: she is metaphysically terrible, as everybody saw when she got zero primary votes and dropped out early in 2019.  When Joe picked her explicitly because she checked a few DEI boxes, they got what they deserved: a meritless DEI candidate.

Then when Joe’s decay accelerated before and during the midterms in 2022, they could have opened their party up to a traditional primary – as people who pretend to believe in “our sacred democracy” are supposed to do.  But they didn’t do that. 

In fact, they screwed the couple of people who tried to challenge his Posthumous Excellency.  They changed rules so that any votes that went to another candidate in a primary would automatically go to Biden.  As people who pretend to believe in “our sacred democracy” would NEVER do.

They boxed out Marianne “Cray-Cray Crystal Lady” Williamson, and sabotaged RFK Jr. like a bunch of cowardly Sirhan Sirhans.  The way a party which pretends to believe in “our sacred democracy” would NEVER do. 

Thus causing one more layer of sweet irony, when a spurned RFK Jr. joined forces with Trump, and possibly added enough disenfranchised Dem voters to Trump’s total that it may have made a difference in the final result! 

For once, a Kennedy got to kill his would-be political assassins!  (Too soon?)

So they used every dirty trick possible to prevent a democratic primary and crowned Joey Gaffes.  And then he did an amazing Dana Carvey impression in the debate, and panic ensued.

But even THEN, the Dems could have scrambled to put on a “shotgun primary.”  But no.  They had a DEI hire right there, and one of the many reasons that you should never hire somebody for DEI reasons is that it’s nearly impossible to ever FIRE any such person. 

So they ended up in a hilarious dilemma.  They had stuck themselves with Biden, and when he shuffled off this mortal coil, they stuck themselves with Que Mala. 

And now they’re mad at Biden for being so Biden-y, and Que Mala for being so Mala, and they’re pointing fingers at anyone other than themselves.

More please!   

Hamas delenda est!

Basking in the Election Aftermath!(posted 11/7/24)

What a day, CO nation! Trump won the electoral college, and he won the popular vote.  He even won white suburban women.  And more blacks and Hispanics than any other GOP candidate in history!

We’ve got the Senate, and most hopefully the House too, if only by a bit.  It’s going to be a great Thanksgiving, and a happy Christmas.  Our long national nightmare is just about over! 

I slept about 3 hours last night, and I’m still feeling a little bit hungover, but not in a bad way.  I’d say the issue is about 10% bourbon, 50% relief, and 40% schadenfreude.  And now that I’m retired and don’t have to go into work, I’m going to try to keep nursing all three of those into and through this coming weekend, at least!

Here’s my soundtrack for the last 16 hours: “Here Comes the Sun” (because you have to have some Beatles) Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah (from when Disney was Disney), “I Should Have Known It” (Because: Tom Petty.  Also, that guitar lick, the bald brother on drums, and the message to the Dems: “It’s over now you see?  It’s the last time you’re gonna hurt me!”).

And Ray Charles and the Voices of Jubilation Singers doing “Oh Happy Day.” Because: Ray Charles in a leisure suit/tux, a Yamaha keyboard, and a crowd of dashikis backing him up.  As a Christian, the lines, “Oh happy day, oh happy day, when Jesus washed my sins away,” are always going to resonate with me. 

Also, is it a coincidence that “when Jesus washed the Dems away” also fits the rhyme scheme there?

It is not.

At the beginning of the night, I was so nervous that I took Cassie the Wonder Dog for her evening walk earlier than usual.  Then, when some of the early returns were not looking so great, I took another long walk. 

Then I walked the floors a lot while I was on the phone and/or texting with a cousin, an old buddy from grad school, and even the great and powerful CO himself.   (My favorite line of his was when he described the atmosphere on MSNBC as “Shakespearean despondency filtered through a membrane of bitterness!”) 

So I managed to get my 6000 daily steps in.  And then 14,000 more!

And sometime around 11 o’clock, when it was clear that things were going our way, I began to relax, and started with the celebratory bourbon.  Around 2:00 a.m., after Pennsylvania was called and Trump had won, I took another long walk, during which I prayed and whistled and smelled some very nice, late-flowering night-blooming jasmine in the neighborhood.

I walked past some of the Harris/Walz and “We love abortion!” yard signs in the surrounding blocks.  I stopped next to them, in case Cassie needed to relieve herself.  But because she’s too classy for that – and also a female – she declined to raise a leg on them.  

I considered doing that myself, but because I am too classy for that – and also because I’d gone before I left the house – I refrained.

And now I’ve spent the whole day flipping back and forth between news channels and making the rounds of my favorite websites, soaking in the good news, and savoring the defeat of those bad actors who sorely needed defeating. 

There’s so much news out there that we’ll all be digesting it in the coming days, so I thought I’d just do a little freestyle rambling about what has caught my attention so far…

I love that the Obamas have been smacked down and thwarted!  Some black commentators on the lefty channels criticized Barack for scolding black males for not coming out for the Empty Pantsuit.  His creepy invocation of the “fine people on both sides” lie on the eve of the election richly merited the comeuppance he got.  And Michelle’s angry closing speech repulsed everyone who wasn’t already in her camp.

But Barack’s a dishonest racial arsonist, and liars gonna lie.  And the Scowling Wookie’s gonna scowl!  And it availed them nothing!  HA!

Even though the popular vote is electorally irrelevant, I’m really glad that Trump won it.  The Dems made a big deal in 2016 about the “unfairness” of him winning the election despite Hillary getting more votes than him.  And for low-info voters who don’t understand the electoral college, I can understand their frustration.

But with Trump winning the popular vote, they can’t lie about how they “really won,” or his victory wasn’t legitimate.  (Even though many of them still will.)  

Their white-hot hatred of Trump makes their defeat even sweeter!  They’ve been calling him a Nazi moron and a misogynist half-wit fascist, not to mention a Satanically evil yet cartoonishly incompetent buffoon, while at the same time a grave threat to democracy.  They say he’s a rapist and a convicted felon, and the worst president in our country’s history.

And yet, when the American public looked at him, and then at Kamala, they said, “We’ll take felon, rapist, Satan-Hitler, please.”

There hasn’t been a popular democratic choice so humiliating since the 15th century, when Romanians – faced with the choice of living under the rule of Ottoman Muslims or local prince Vlad the Impaler, model for Bram Stoker’s Count Dracula – chose Vlad!

Got that, Democrats?  We’d rather elect Orange “Don the Impaler” Dracula than the Cackler and the Knucklehead!        

Also, how great is it that in a year when the entire Democrat party pinned their hopes on a titanic uprising among women voters – whom they assured us were super-motivated to retain the right to kill their children up until their second trimester in kindergarten – Donald Trump became the president who defeated BOTH of the “first female president” candidates? 

I haven’t seen anyone beat two women that badly since that tranny Algerian guy in the Olympics! (Which the leftist commentariat supported by the way, so spare me the “we care about women!” talking point.)

Ooh, that reminds me of a story about that guy, which I swear I am not making up.  A French hospital released a report on Monday claiming that he’s got XY chromosomes, internal testicles and a “micro-penis.” 

Now that I’ve written that, I can’t give you the pop quiz question I thought of last night after my second bourbon:

Who reportedly has internal testes and a micro-penis?

A.  Algerian “female” boxer dude

B. Tim Walz (when Minnesota still hadn’t been called by 11:00 p.m.)

C. Doug Emhoff (when Que Mala found out about the nanny)

D. Poor Adam Kinzinger  

Answer: Yes.

One other activity I’m enjoying today is revisiting all those who predicted that Kamala would win this election.  Even some members of CO nation – you know who you are! – seemed confidently pessimistic that Orange Man was no match for the tag team of Empty Woman and the Meretricious Media.   

Wrong celebrities are even more fun.  Old Snakehead Carville promised that Kamala would whip Trump.  Whoopi Goldberg – I loved her in Ghost (“Molly, you in danger, girl!”) and when she was the Predator in that Schwarzenegger movie – introduced Kamala for her fateful interview on The View as “the next President of the United States!”

But the most entertaining errors come from the pollsters who botch their predictions.  Kamala fans got a confidence boost from Ann Selzer’s poll for the Des Moines Register on Sunday that showed Trump losing Iowa by 3 points.  That pollster and poll are “the gold standard,” we were told.

And then… Trump wins Iowa by 13.  So close! 

I could throw a dart at a board, even after three bourbons, and land on a number closer to the real vote total than that!  I mean sure, I might miss the dartboard the first time or two.  But that third throw would come closer than 16 points off! 

But my favorite inaccurate pollster story this time involves academic nerd Allan Lichtman, the very confident inventor of what he calls the “’13 Keys’ System.”  His keys don’t relate directly to a specific candidate, but to general election conditions, such as whether the incumbent party candidate is the sitting president, or there is a strong short-term economy. 

He claimed that his keys have predicted the election winner in 9 of the last 10 presidential elections, and he confidently predicted a Kamala win on 11/5.  He argued with Nate Silver, who saw a tied contest but said his “gut” told him Trump would win.

Lichtman had me worried, so after Trump won I looked back at his system more closely, and identified my mistake.  It turns out that three of his keys were actually keys of coke. 

So I guess that one’s on me.

Finally, I love the long odds that Trump overcame to win this. 

After the bitterness of 2020, and earning the anger of many of us for his undisciplined pique that cost us control over the Senate with the two Georgia losses in January of 2021, Trump launched the most unbelievable comeback in American political history.  He had already persisted through sham investigations and two sham impeachments, and then he shouldered through a wave of lawfare cases and ridiculous verdicts that would have doomed a normal candidate, followed by surviving two assassination attempts, and then out-working his opponents at an age when most of us are retired or dead.

I mean, the guy was driving a garbage route ten days ago, and now he’s the incoming leader of the free world!  Only in America!  

Hamas delenda est!