It’s Monday, so let’s get through the Bad News first:
You may have noticed that last Friday was bland tending toward grim, since I didn’t write a column that day.
Though I am loath to mention this – since it goes against my stoic disposition and my “tough as a two-dollar steak” nature – I am still plagued by the pinched nerve that has affected the left side of my neck and my left shoulder, and rendered my left arm largely useless, except that it is setting me up to never again take a functioning and pain-free left arm for granted again, once I get past this.
How weak is my left arm right now? So weak that I’m not sure I could win a fist fight with Imhotep Pelosi, if she was disciplined, and kept jabbing and moving to my left. (Not that I’m not willing to try it, if anybody happens to known her trainer, and would like to set-up a pay-per-view. I have the feeling that if I could catch her with just one right jab, she’d go down like a laundry basket full of burial wrappings. And even if she managed to catch me with a shot to my jaw, I think there’s an even chance that her desiccated mummy fist might crumble into powder. Then it wouldn’t be long until the announcer called out, “Down goes Botox! Down goes Botox!”)
Whenever anyone gets sick for more than a few days, time seems to slow down. Right now, it feels to me like that last time I was pain-free, both of my girls were toddling around the house being adorable little prodigies, and Cassie the Wonder Dog was still Cassie the Wonder Pup. But who’s counting?
Okay, I am. And today is day 18 with not much relief. But the good news is that I’ve got an MRI scheduled this afternoon. I’ve already had an x-ray and CT scan, but we just need to confirm that it’s not a bulged disc, and then I’ll start getting PT that will hopefully do the trick.
In the meantime, I’ve been juggling steroids, muscle relaxants, Gabapentin, tylenol, lydocaine patches and Oxycodone. I’ve been careful to use as little as possible of the latter, since I have a healthy fear of addiction. Because my nightmare scenario would be to start down the slippery slope that ends in me becoming a noxious Hunter Biden figure, using the fortune I gain from crooked deals with Chicom corrupticrats to buy duffle bags full of coke which I would then sniff off of the bare behinds of Eastern European hookers.
And I’ve checked, and my smokeshow wife is pretty strongly opposed to me doing that. So…yeah.
Anyway, while I’ve been struggling through a personal situation that would kill a lesser man, our country has also been going through some rough spots, too.
For example, while it’s still early, it still looks like the GOP will almost certainly lose the House in November. We shouldn’t give up, but by the same token, we should be moving forward with urgency on every front, to get as much done in the next 10 months as is humanly possible.
So far the GOP isn’t acting as urgently as it should. After a lot of pressure, Jon Thune is apparently going to put the SAVE Act up for a vote, which I was hollering about in my last column.
Unfortunately, he seems to be doing so half-heartedly, and he’s not going to use the so called “talking filibuster,” i.e. forcing the Dems to stand up and blab on the Senate floor, which would force them into terrible optics, and produce the raw material for many GOP ads at the least.
Also, I’m frustrated that we’re getting ourselves into a familiar situation with weaker than necessary candidates, this time in Texas. John Cornyn has been too much of a RINO, but instead of a disciplined conservative candidate, Texas voters have chosen Ken Paxton to go into an expensive run-off with Cornyn.
I’m not a Texan and don’t know Paxton well. From what I’ve read, he talks a good game and is something of a Trumpy figure, but I’ve also read that he’s been embroiled in several scandals that will hurt him in a general election. I’m hoping that the MSM may have exaggerated those scandals. Maybe any readers here who are from Texas can enlighten the rest of us re: Paxton?
Turning to good news, whichever GOP candidate wins the Texas primary will be facing James Tallerico, who – hard though this may be to believe – might be a worse candidate than Jazzy Crockett! He’s apparently created hours of great videos that expound his idiosyncratic theology. (How’s that for a polite adjective?)
He believes that God is non-binary, that Jesus is a big fan of abortion, and that we should leave our borders wide open to any and all illegals. I can’t see that playing very well in 2026, especially in Texas. Also, he’s got a SFPI (Simpson Face Punchability Index) of 96, and the more he talks, the higher his SFPI goes.
In other good news, I’m optimistic that our destruction of Iran’s mullahcracy is going to end pretty well, and pretty soon. While even a shortish conflict this close to a mid-term muddies the political waters, I think we’ve struck when the opportunity was there to decapitate Iranian leadership and then destroy their ability to keep the Mideast destabilized and on the verge of war.
It’s been great to see our military work in tandem with the Israelis, and to see our enemies make all the wrong moves. By striking every other country in the Middle East, the Iranian jihadist loons have invited a united front against them, and by having their proxies in Hezbollah get involved and attack Israel, they’ve invited the Hebrew hammer that is now pounding the already weakened Hezbies in their own territory.
This feels like the time to go all in, and take out an evil force that has worked against us and against a stable Middle East for almost 50 years. I’m hoping this ends similarly to the first Godfather, when Michael confronts Carlo: “Barzini’s dead. So is Phillip Tattaglia. Moe Green. Stracci. Cuneo. Today I settle all family business.”
I envision Trump sitting down with the 17th Ayatollah in line. “Khamenei’s dead. So are his top 47 commanders. The Council of Experts. Khamenei’s half-wit son. Today I settle all American business. I’ve got a plane ticket to Russia right here. You can fly up there, and Putin will set you up in your own dacha, with all of the goat-mistresses you want. But don’t tell me you don’t know where the rest of your drone factories and missile batteries are.”
Then, five minutes later, as the top weird beard is driven toward the airport, a special forces guy in the back seat loops a garrotte around his neck and he kicks the windshield out during his death throes.
And some anti-jihadi Persian guy becomes interim leader, knowing that the Americans will be back if he ever starts getting an itchy nuclear trigger finger.
Plus, how can you not love the ridiculousness of the cardboard Ayatollah?! We basically had the same thing with Biden, so it’s nice to see an enemy have to suffer what we’ve already gone through.
Perhaps the best news of the last few days was the conviction of 9 violent antifa criminals for their attack on an ICE installation and shooting of a cop last July in Texas. They were all found guilty on a raft of terrorism-related charges. The leader of the group will get a minimum of 20 years to life in prison, and the rest of them will serve a minimum of 10 years, and a maximum of 60 years.
Another 16 or so defendants are facing charges in Texas, and this is great news. I’ve already seen a video montage of Democrat politicians and media talking heads insisting that antifa doesn’t exist, or that it’s just a bunch of disorganized, well-intentioned protestors. By the fall, we should have a lot more convictions to tout, and those mid-term ads will write themselves.
Another silver lining is the way the corrupt legacy media has been providing tons of new examples of their own dishonesty. Of course, they barely gave 10 seconds of coverage to the big, organized antifa convictions in Texas, and they’ve also continued their fine tradition of pretending to not understand what is behind the recent attacks on the Old Dominion ROTC class, or the attack on the synagogue in Michigan.
Happily, both attackers were quickly killed. In Virginia, an ROTC cadet rushed the murderer and stabbed him to death. (Yes, an ROTC stud can get away with bringing a knife to a gunfight, and win!) In Michigan, the jihadi creep rammed his truck into the building, then jumped out with a gun, ready to commit mass murder, when a security guard shot him immediately.
As both stories of attackers screaming, “Allahu Akbar!” unfolded – and also in NYC, when two jihadis threw IEDs at people protesting Mamdani — the MSM went with their usual playbook, with the old, “We don’t know, and may never know, the motive in this attack.”
Sure, Jan. It’s yet one more attack on a synagogue, or on anti-Muslim protesters. How can we ever guess who the perp is?
I know that one of the principles of real journalism – as distinguished from the dishonest propagandistic narrative creation of the MSM – is to not report anything before you can verify it.
But since they don’t do that, I’ll bet that I – a humble, hilarious genius with no journalistic training – could out-scoop/guess them on a regular basis. I will modestly estimate that about 92% of the time, my initial reports would be more accurate than any big, expensively funded legacy media source staffed to the gills with the cream of the crop of our leftist J-schools.
Because they guess in one direction without any supporting facts – “Who knows who could have motivated this attack on a Jewish school, or a pro-choice pregnancy center, or an ICE facility? We suspect white supremacists in all cases.”
Whereas my guesses in the aforementioned examples would be, “hateful jihadists in alliance with violent leftists; hateful pro-abortion leftists; and hateful leftist antifa members, with a dusting of gender dysmorphic trantifa-ists, respectively.”
In fact, before the first details of crimes in the latter two categories came out, I could posit a predicted demographic categorical breakdown of the law-breakers that you could safely bet your mortgage on:
Gender: 67 % AWFLs; 23% low-T beta males; 10% trans-adjacent.
Sexual preference: Who Cares/Not Interested 97%; Your Guess is as Good as Mine 3%
“F”-able breakdown: Totally Un-F-able, 90%; “F”able only after 5 drinks, 3%; “F”able only after 5 drinks and hallucinogens 7%
Ethnicity: 85% white; 2% super-duper Liz Warren white (#wemustneverstopmockingher); 5% black (with an over-representation of Somalis); 7% Hispanic (85% of which are here illegally) and 1% Canadian (which fall between white and super-duper white, racially speaking)
Hair color: blonde 7%; dirty-blonde 16%; brunette 31%; color not found in nature 46%
College degree holders: 87%
Percentage of those degrees in social work, education, nursing, psychology or grievance studies: 98%
Facial piercings over/under: 3.5
IQ: under 80 IQ, 82%; 81-100 IQ, 16%; above 100 IQ, 2%.
Those are my predictions, and I’ll stake my crystal brain against the legacy media’s J-school crystal ball any day.
And now… on to my MRI!
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Martin Simpson 
Wishing you a quick and correct diagnosis, along with a proper care plan and fast recovery. Pain sucks.
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