Causes for Celebration and Regret (posted 11/10/25)

Tomorrow is Veterans’ Day, and since I won’t have a column tomorrow, I’ll say thank you to all veterans a day early.  Of course we should all be thanking veterans every day, but we’re humans and fallen, and we often take veterans, like many good things – good health, forgiveness, living in a great country in a good time – for granted.   

But as someone who never served, I’ve always been a little in awe of those who have.  So thanks, all of you.

I also want to give a quick shout-out to Frederick Beal Jr., who is an exemplary American.  And not just because he has been hitting my Tip Jar regularly and hard.  Thanks!

It’s especially good to remind ourselves of some of the best among us, when much of the political news tends toward the depressing, even among those of us who are wired for optimism, whether cautious or otherwise.   

Trump’s re-election and first 9 months back in office have been invigorating.  But how can you not be given pause by Tuesday’s results, with people like bloodthirsty Jay Jones, flat-affect Spanberger, and Comrade Mamdani winning with ease?

In fact, I also may have spoken too soon about Jacob “Low-T” Frey being the lesser of two evils after he won the Minneapolis mayor race over Somali Omar Fateh.  Because when Frey gave his acceptance speech, he opened by speaking Somali for almost a minute.

On the one hand, it’s impressive to learn a foreign language.  On the other hand, for those of us who like the traditional “e pluribus unum” American ideal, pandering to every immigrant group in ways that ultimately encourage fragmented tribal identities over assimilation to an American identity is troubling.

If by “troubling” I mean “a terrible step in the wrong direction.”  Which I do.

Exhibit A in that trend would be to represent a city that is 80-90% native-born American and English-speaking, and to engage in a significant political address in a foreign tongue that none of those citizens understands.    

The same debilitating trend can be seen in many blue cities – where the push for mass migration, illegal and legal – is clearly intended to import a voting base that will keep leftists in power forever.  Bo-Zo(hran) Mamdani got around 32% of the votes from those born in New York, but over 60% of those born outside of America, and Democrat politicians in NYC brag that their public schools teach students in over 100 different languages.

That’s not something to brag about!  Because it’s not xenophobic to say that the language of the United States is English.  You can speak another language as a second language – my wife and I are working on Norwegian and German right now, respectively – but a country can’t function if its citizens can’t speak with and understand each other.

And a city’s politics can’t be healthy when its elected officials engage in clan-based appeals that most of its citizens literally cannot understand! 

Add that to the “List of Things I Never Thought Anyone Would Ever Have to Say Out Loud,” right below, “Men and Women are Different,” and just above, “You Shouldn’t Cheer When Someone You Agree With Murders Someone For Disagreeing With Him.”   

Turning to more positive news, Nancy Pelosi announced that she’s retiring from Congress (finally!) next year, even though she’s only 2149 years young. 

The only questions now are: 1. How many mummy and/or mummy-adjacent jokes can I cram into this column before she trails her burial wrappings out the door?  and 2. Now who will represent the Nile River Valley in 2026?

One good bet: Just like Nancy, the winning candidate next time will probably put out half of his/her campaign ads in hieroglyphs.  (I don’t have a “hieroglyph” button in my software, so I’ll have to translate the winning message: “Bird. Sun. Two guys with coyote heads.  Cat. Tut head. Baboon. Two women with gold headdresses facing each other.  2026!”)

In other good news – I guess – it looks like as I write this that the government shutdown might be over.  And while I wouldn’t bet on it, I hope that this 40-day detour to Pointless-ville will get some Republicans to focus on three issues the shutdown brought to the fore:

1. Why on earth are over 40 million people in America on SNAP?  There has been no multi-year drought or natural disaster, and clouds of locusts have not ravaged all of our crops. However, a plague has struck our land that is worse than either of those: big government leftists have descended upon us with an idea to help the poorest among us, which then ballooned out of control.

FDR started food stamps in 1939 but it ended four years later, when WWII had done what FDR couldn’t do: ended the Great Depression.  And immediately, bodies of the starved dead piled up like cordwood all over the continent.

HA! I kid.  Actually, Americans sailed along for 20 years without food stamps OR mass starvation.  Unexpectedly!

Until another leftist genius, LBJ, got into office and said, “Our food supply isn’t broken. Let me spend a few trillion dollars to fix it, thereby creating armies of morbidly obese dependents who will have to vote for us, because they will literally die if we’re not there to pour Count Chocula down their gullets 24/7.” 

Or words to that effect.

And 60 years later, we have managed to NOT learn the lesson that everyone who lives in heavily wooded bear country already knows: if you continually feed the bears, they’ll lose the ability to feed themselves.  And then they’ll tear hell out of your community.

I know what you’re thinking.  “Martin, I can’t believe you got screwed out of People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive award AGAIN!  You were robbed!  Also, don’t you think it’s very demeaning to compare human beings to big dumb animals like bears?”

First, I was as shocked as you are, and I don’t want to talk about People Magazine ever again. 

Second, before you say that it’s not fair to compare people to bears, did you see any of the MSM propaganda “news” stories highlighting vulnerable SNAP recipients?

They featured one sad character after another, complaining that they won’t have anything to eat starting on November first, and how will they survive without SNAP?  You know that the media were trying to depict a life-threatening crisis by putting on the most sympathetic, tear-jerking “victims” of SNAPlessness they could find.

And yet.  I hesitate to criticize people’s appearance, so how can I put this? 

Those stories were full of people from light heavyweight to cruiserweight to heavyweight… and then grizzly, and Kodiak.  These folks could burn their foodstamps for heat and then go into a cave and hibernate, and when they came out in April, they would be in the best shape of their lives.

And we’d have saved $50 billion.   

But seriously, the “S” in “SNAP” stands for “supplemental.”  And the program began as an attempt to provide a few essentials – bread, beans, rice, milk, butter, potatoes, meat – to a few people who really needed it.  And like every other federal program, it metastasized into a corrupt, harmful cluster-chuck (schumer).

The GOP should carry out a common-sense campaign to reign in SNAP spending: limit it to essential food only (no more junk food or expensive stuff); root out the fraud and abuse (prosecute re-sellers of SNAP benefits/vouchers); stop it from going to any illegals (feed them all, right until they’re put on a plane, boat or bus back to their home countries).

2. All of the Dem screaming about necessary health insurance subsidies only prove that Obamacare is a total disaster.  The GOP needs to broadcast that message everywhere and constantly: the Dems promised you a solution in their ironically and cruelly named “Affordable Health Care  Act.”  Conservatives told you that it would only make healthcare more expensive, and it absolutely has. 

Now the GOP needs to highlight its worst failings – many of the subsidies are going to people making between 100% to 400% of the federal poverty level, and there are readily available charts and graphs that show the steep increase in healthcare costs following the passage of Obamacare.  Get those out there!

It’s going to be tough to fix that broken program with everything else on our plate – thanks, Democrats! – but we need to highlight the nature of the problem, and propose an alternative that undoes what Obamacare screwed up. 

3. One common theme in both the SNAP and Obamacare debacles also helps shore up the necessity for continued deportation of illegals: even if many of them are otherwise not criminals or bad people, millions of them are using resources (SNAP and “free” health care among them) that are intended for American citizens. 

We should be using the left’s inflammatory, angry rhetoric against them.  Every time they hold a press conference or release a TikTok or stage a virtue-signaling protest about how poor and working-class Americans are suffering, we need to fire right back:

Yes! Because you’re giving the resources that should be going to them – billions in food, housing, education and health care — to illegal immigrants!  

We need to shout that into every microphone, camera and social media post we can.

And for God’s sake, don’t shout it in Somali!

Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!

I Want to Shake the Dust of this Election off my Feet! (posted 11/7/25)

After a few days to digest Tuesday’s bad election results, I’ve got no dramatic new insights to offer, other than that the turn back toward normalcy and common sense represented by the 2024 elections apparently did not involve the blue states.  Because those folks have just covered the field in front of them with thousands of rakes, and now they can’t wait to get stompin’!

You know an election was bad when it involved a frozen zombie like Spanberger, and Jay Jones – now the top law enforcer in Virginia, despite his openly expressed opinion that the children of his political opponent are “little fascists” and his dreaming of literally murdering them and their dad – and neither of them was the worst winning candidate.

That “honor” has to go to commie Mamdani, whose closing pitch was even worse than the rest of his execrable campaign.  If you didn’t see it, he invented an Aunt out of whole cloth (I was going to say “out of Kente cloth,” but I don’t know if that comes from Uganda, and didn’t think that reference was worth the time to look it up), and then pretended to fight off tears as he told a story about his pretend Aunt. 

It turns out that Aunt Zabunga (or whatever – if he can make up her existence, I can make up her name) was one of the real victims of 9/11, because after peaceful adherents of the Religion of Peace™ peacefully attacked our country and destroyed the WTC – peacefully – good ol’ Auntie Quango could no longer take the subway out of concern that some New Yorkers might see her hijab and give her the stink eye. 

Let that sink in.  You might have thought that more sympathy should be given to another 3000 New Yorkers who had to stop taking the subway – not because they were self-conscious about their foreign outfits, but because they’d been gruesomely murdered by hateful jihadi freaks.

But according to failed rapper and soon to be failed mayor Mamdani, you’d have been wrong.  Because what about made-up Auntie Dukele, who came here all the way from Wakanda, just to be given the side-eye by bigoted New Yorkers whose loved ones were freshly dead downtown? 

(By the way, Tucker Carlson just defended Zohran from criticism that he is antisemitic, calling it “propaganda.”  Ugh!  First Tucker rhetorically fellated Putin in an obsequious Moscow interview, during which he pretended to accept a Potemkin subway station and grocery story as real.  Then he nodded along as a “historian” explained that Churchill was really the villain in WWII, and that the Nazis have gotten a bad rap.  Then he gave a softball interview to slimy bigot Nick Fuentes.  And now he claims that despite refusing to call for Hamas to lay down their weapons, or to condemn his old favorite phrase of “globalize the intifada,” Zohran is actually a huge fan of the Hebrews.

That’s it.  Tucker is officially dead to me.  I won’t say that you have to agree with me… but if you don’t, I may have to give you the kind of look that I’d give Auntie Bombiki if she wore her hijab to a 9/11 remembrance service.)

Anyway, it looks like NYC may be lost.  And since Trump has gotten a handle on the southern border – I read today that this was the 6th straight month with zero illegals released into the country! – I say we get to building a wall around New York City.

Just before it’s done, we’ll take a convoy of heavily armored SUVs on a quick rescue run through the city, laying down covering fire as we pick up Jamie Galioto and any other COers who are trapped in the Bid (Red) Apple, before racing back out and dropping the portcullis behind us. 

Then we come back in two years, bury all the dead, and start over. 

The closest thing I could find to good news in this election was that at least the horrible leftist who won the mayor’s race in Minneapolis wasn’t quite as horrible as the horrible leftist he defeated. 

The contenders were the incumbent Jacob Frey, and his challenger Omar Fateh (D) – Somalia.  You may remember Frey – or as I call him, Wussy McPussington – as the leftist beta boy who groveled and surrendered when the mostly peaceful mob sacked his city after George Floyd – Patron Saint of Recidivism and Junkies – died as a result of crime-us interruptus.

In the other corner was Omar, the guy who held Tom Hanks hostage in Captain Phillips, and who promised to bring to the Twin Cities the sound, efficient government and cultural thriving that we all associate with… Somalia.  It may have been a red flag that many of his campaign ads were in – I’m not making this up – Somali. 

Because nothing says “successful assimilation” like a Minnesota campaign ad composed of a series of clicks and whistles, ending in “November 4th!”       

If I were his campaign manager, I’d make all of his ads with him just staring at the camera, pointing at his eyes, and saying, “Look at me, Minneapolis.  I’m the captain now.”  Just to see how many Minnesotans would get the Captain Phillips reference.

If I were Pussington’s campaign manager, I’d first treat him like the Godfather treated Johnny Fontane. (I’d slap him and shake him, and say, “You can act like a man!  What’s the matter with you, crying like a woman?”) Then I’d put out two ads. 

The first would feature Frey saying, “Sure, I’ve got less testosterone than a pillow fight between Sydney Sweeney and Margot Robbie, and I hid behind a couch crying as BLM thugs trashed our city.  But at least I’m not the creepy guy from the country where the main occupation is “pirate,” and I won’t make you listen to that caterwauling call to prayer 5 times a day. For now.” 

The second one would feature a black screen with white lettering saying “Just say ‘Feh’ to Feteh” while the Minnesota Vikings’ lame fight song played in the background.

Then I’d grab my bag of Frey’s cash, take off my wig and fake beard, and hop the first freight train out of town.  Because I’d be ashamed to be associated with any of the leftist governance in Minnesota.

It’s a sad state of affairs when the best you can say is that at least the town will remain Minneapolis-St. Paul for a few more years, before it inevitably becomes Mogadishu-St. Paul. 

Good luck with all of that, Democrats.    

Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!

I’ve Returned, With a Few Election Thoughts (posted 11/5/25)

I’m back from Maine, just in time for a horrible election showing.

I’m speaking, of course, of my incomprehensible loss – again! – in yet another People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive competition.  This time I was runner-up to some British actor nobody’s ever heard of, in another instance of “always the bridesmaid, never the bride.” 

Or in my case, “always the People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive Runner-Up, never People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive.”  And I’m getting pretty darn sick of it.

Sure, it’s some consolation that my smokeshow wife tells me that even as an elderly gentleman, I still have the kind of smoldering good looks that, when I’m out in public and make momentary eye contact with a member of the fairer sex, swooning and an arousal-based loss of consciousness regularly ensues.

Okay, she’s never said that in so many words. 

Or in any words even approaching those. 

But after many decades of marriage, I can read her thoughts flawlessly at all times.  (Because you know husbands are GREAT at that.) And I’m pretty sure that that’s what she thinks.

Anyway, by now the main point here is clear: the sexiest man jury at People magazine is composed solely of members of the LGBTQ+ community and those with late-stage macular degeneration.  So don’t bother nominating me again next year, because I’m out!

Okay, enough tomfoolery.  This election really sucked.

Not because blue candidates won in blue states.  Like the Good Book says, “As a dog returns to his vomit, so a blue-state voter returns to his folly.”  So despite our hopes that it would be otherwise, this isn’t a surprise.

But the depressing part is who won, and by how much. 

Spanberger is a cowardly, robotic husk who couldn’t even look Winsome Earle-Sears in the eye when called to give a defense for her terrible policies.  Jay Jones fantasized about murdering his political opponent, and about watching that man’s children die in their mother’s arms.  And Mamdani is a nepo baby neophyte who combines the most deadly ideologies of the last century, communism and jihad.  Mikie Sherrill lied about her bad behavior in the service, and is lying about it still.

Plus she’s a woman called “Mikie,” for which there is no excuse. 

And yet they all won, going away.  Jones, at least, was supposed to be in some trouble, as you might expect for a bloodthirsty scumbag running in an election less than 2 months after his similarly violence-loving political co-religionist murdered Charlie Kirk.  But it looks like Jones still won by 4 or 5 points. 

To make things worse, three Dem judges in purple PA were up for retention votes, and the voters kept all three, even though that same electorate voted for Trump last year.  And in California – see the dogs and their vomit reference above – went through with Ken-Doll Newsom’s  crooked gerrymandering scheme.

Unexpectedly!

I haven’t had time to think through much of this, having just been traveling, but my initial thoughts are:

1. I hope Democrat voters get what they are asking for – good, hard, and sans lubrication.

2. I wish the damage they’re about to do – especially in NYC – could be contained to themselves.  But as always, there will be a lot of collateral damage, including the fact that Florida is about to get more crowded.

3. We need to make Mamdani the face of the Democrat party.  Because thanks to a benevolent God, the rest of America isn’t New York City, politically speaking.  And we should hang that smirking, incompetent, anti-Semitic commie around the DNC’s neck, as the city descends into an ever-more dysfunctional, Dinkins-ian morass of filth, crime and red ink.

4. We need to gerrymander every red state in the country, ASAP.  The Dems have mastered that strategy, and we need to fight fire with fire, or surrender the midterms before they’ve even begun. 

I’ll be back with a regular column in the next day or two.  In the meantime, and as always…

Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!

I’ve Detected an Imbalance of Stupid and Smart Ideas in Our Politics (posted 10/29/25)

As you read this I’ll be on another trip, this time to Maine to see an old friend.  So I won’t have a column on Friday or possibly Monday, but after that I plan to hit the ground running, and power through to Thanksgiving with the wealth of mock-worthy material I trust that the Dems will be giving all of us.

Today my thoughts have turned to the amount of stupid points that lefties routinely argue for, vs the number of smart points that conservatives routinely argue for. 

By saying this I do NOT mean that GOPers or conservatives are necessarily smart.  (I could point to literally thousands of examples of the opposite, each one of them a tiny, irritating thorn in my side, politically speaking.)  Nor that leftists are necessarily stupid.  (I could point to literally a dozen examples of the opposite.  Or at least a handful, since Harry Truman and Daniel Patrick Moynihan are dead, and Dave Rubin is now a conservative.  But I know a few guys personally, and Fetterman’s healing brain has moved him some distance from the Home Plate of Stupid that the rest of nationally elected Dems are clinging to like grim death.) 

By “stupid points” I just mean nonsensical claims that an orthodox leftist has had to argue for and defend during this century.  A few examples will suffice: 

Men can become women, and vice versa.  (I’m not sure exactly how that’s supposed to work.  But I think turning slowly in a circle while clicking your heels together three times and repeating, “I’m a real boy, Geppetto!” is involved.) 

Taking guns away from law-abiding citizens will decrease crime.

Putting career criminals back on the street with a stern talking-to will convert them to quasi-Amish, non-violent gentlemen.

Discriminating on the basis of race today and in the future on is the fairest way to respond to racial discrimination that happened before you were born.

Electing a socialist, jihad-enthusiast mayor of NYC will make NYC a heaven on earth.

Confiscating money from people who work hard and giving it to people who don’t work will make hard workers work harder, and non-workers become self-supporting hard workers.  (And no productive person will ever move out of your greedy blue state.  The end.) 

Whenever I find myself being frustrated by problems in my life, I remind myself that as a conservative, I can walk out of my house every morning knowing that my path is made easier because I have the bracing wind of reality at my back, rather than blowing in my face and impeding my progress.

My leftist friends, on the other hand, have to face each day knowing that as soon as they step out of their house, they will be greeted with a brisk groin-kick from reality.  Then – as they are writhing on the ground, wishing that they could instantly change their gender to female because that would relieve the aching in their battered cojones – the real world will begin administering a volley of rib kicks and face slaps, followed by a rear naked choke.

(Which as I understand it has nothing to do with sexual innuendo, but rather is a forceful wrestling hold.  But either way, it doesn’t sound pleasant.)

Okay.  This bizarre column opening brought to you by Knob Creek 9 Bourbon.  Because this nation didn’t run on Kentucky coal mined by stone-cold sober people.  Knob Creek 9.  (Drink responsibly.) 

(Yes, I’m trolling to try to get a sponsor for this column.  Because my daughter’s tuition at Exeter isn’t going to pay itself, people.)

Where was I?  Oh yeah.  Stupid points and smart points.

Consider the dilemma of leftists who have tried to argue that people on their side are the good guys, and conservatives are Satan’s minions. 

They’ve got to argue that violent right wingers shot Joe Biden in the ear, and tried to shoot him again on a golf course (which means that he’d have to be capable of walking upright around a golf course).  And that a violent right winger shot up a congressional Democrats’ softball practice, and that a violent right winger murdered the leftist equivalent of Charlie Kirk. 

They also have to argue that Antifa doesn’t exist.

Seriously.  That’s a real thing that has happened.  Just do a quick search, and you can find many prominent leftists repeating the robotic talking point: “Antifa doesn’t even exist.  It’s just an idea.  Or maybe not even that.  Antifa is just a figment of your imagination. Like a smart Jasmine Crockett, or a Native American Lizzie Warren (#neverstopmocking), or an Adam Schiff with a normal-sized, human neck.”

They have to argue ridiculous premises such as that the great “Libs of TikTok” is a dishonest, right wing propaganda site…when its content is just showing videos voluntarily posted to the web by lefties.  No AI; no distorted, out of context, second-hand quotes.  Just pure, 180-proof, leftist c-r-a-z-y.

(And that stuff is nothing like the smooth taste of Knob Creek 9 Kentucky bourbon.  Available in small or large batch.   Warning: Don’t drink Knob Creek 9 when watching Libs of TikTok, lest you involuntarily waste some of that sweet brown liquor in a reflexive spit-take when some multiply-pierced gender-indistinct person in a furry suit tells you that his/her/its pronouns are zippity/zoo/zam… and also that JD Vance is weird.)

My two recent favorite, self-induced stupid points were earned by Governor Goodyear Pritzker’s performance in his interview with Bret Baier last week, and Abigail Spanberger in her debate performance against Winsome Earle-Sears a few days earlier. 

Pritzker brazenly claimed that Chicago is a super-safe, crime-free city, despite bodies hitting the ground there faster than picked-clean comically-oversized turkey legs at a catered poker game featuring Pritzker, Jerry Nadler, Michael Moore and Rosie O’Donnell.

Saith the (D)irigible, “We are not in the top 30 [cities] in terms of our murder rate…Our murder rate has been cut in half over the last four years, and every year it’s gone down by double digits.” 

Then Baier put up a map with a graphic showing the top 10 cities for per-capita murder rate, proving that Chicago is the deadliest.  Unexpectedly!  (Also: D’oh!)

Spanberger did even worse, putting in the strangest debate performance I’ve ever seen.  Her opponent is Winsome Earle-Sears, who confronted her about Spanberger’s support for allowing gender-addled males in females’ bathrooms and locker rooms. Which is a position with a huge stupid quotient: no sane people are for it, but the far-left Dem base demands it. 

So Spanberger didn’t know whether to pull a fire alarm and escape in the confusion, or dramatically throw down a smoke bomb and disappear before the air cleared.

Instead, she just stood there expressionless – staring straight ahead with a frozen, tight-lipped half grin – while Sears repeatedly asked her whether she’d allow a disordered male into her own daughters’ bathrooms.  “Would you do that, Abigail?  Abigail?  Helloooo?”

It was bizarre!  Spanberger looked like a catatonic mental patient, or maybe a psychopathic villain in a Super Max prison, ignoring the outside world while she plotted an elaborate escape plan that would culminate in setting off a string of dirty bombs in every large city in the Western hemisphere.

Or possibly getting Commie Mamdani elected mayor of New York. 

You wouldn’t have thought it could get any worse for her…but then a holder of a Black Belt in Stupid tried to ride to her rescue. 

On Morning Joe, Mika Zherbivore-izhinszki (I’m not wasting 10 seconds to look up the spelling of her ridiculous name) jumped all over the mention of the Dems having lost with two women candidates in recent presidential elections.

Because Mika knows sexism when she sees it.  “Other countries have no problem electing women!” The clear implication being that backward Americans won’t tolerate no gyno-American politicians, no-how!      

Except that – and here I have a huge advantage over Ketanji Jackson, since I know what a woman is – Winsome Sears is female!  So Mika’s point is that whoever votes for a conservative woman against a liberal woman is a sexist. 

Not only that, but Sears is a black woman, while Spanberger is pigment-challenged enough that she could be a sibling of the subject of the late 1960’s Procol Harum hit, “Whiter Shade of Pale,” i.e. Liz Warren (#wemustneverstopmockingher)  

And if leftist racial identity politics has taught us anything, it’s that blackness is just as powerful a qualification for high office as femaleness.

Except if you’re a conservative, apparently.  In which case your conservatism cancels out both your gender and your race.

Because: Science!

Have a good Halloween, everybody, and don’t forget…    

Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!

Architecture Corner, Featuring the Obama Library & the Trump WH Ballroom (posted 10/27/25)

I read a story in the Babylon Bee that the ominous Obama Library in Chicago will soon be completed – they phrased it as “it’s almost fully operational” – and I realized what any sane Chicago Democrats should have said several years ago, when the Bamster was commandeering acres of land and promising not to use too many public funds for this monstrosity: “It’s a trap!”  

Am I suggesting that Chicago Democrats look like squid-creatures and sound like a phlegmy Bernie Sanders?  

Well, I am not NOT saying that.  But I was being hyperbolic, because I said “any sane Chicago Democrats.”

And that’s only Larry, who lives on Cermak Road in Berwyn.  And he just looks very tired and beaten down.

Anyway, here’s a cautionary note to Larry, and every other resident of Chicagoland: you’ll know that Obama’s flak-tower of an architectural middle finger is almost completed.  Because that’s when the eye of Sauron will flame into malevolent life atop the structure…and by then it will probably be too late to flee.

Speaking of architecture, I’ve noticed the Dems’ totally rational and appropriate reaction to Trump adding a ballroom to the east wing of the White House… and Great Googly Moogly, are these people desperate for something to lose their minds over!   

They’re all howling about the unthinkable sacrilege of Trump altering a single stone or timber of the East Wing, which was hand-built by George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and ten other signers of our Declaration of Independence!   And I guess they have a poi—

Hold on.  My crack research staff has just handed me a laminated sheet of information about the East Wing.  Which, it turns out, was first erected (insert your own Bill Clinton joke here) in 1902. 

Wait a minute.  I was born in a year starting with “19,” and I went to public school before leftist goofballs infested our schools, so I know that none of the Founding Fathers were still around then.  So let me read a little further…

Okay, hold on to your top hats. Because the East Wing was originally used “as an entrance for guests during large social gatherings,” and its “primary feature was the long cloak room with spots for coats and hats.” 

Oh, the sacred coats and hats of people born in the same century as me!  Won’t SOMEBODY think of the coats and hats of people born in the same century as me?!!

Reading further… the East Wing was expanded into a two-story building in 1942. 

What the–? My dad was alive then!  Sure, he wasn’t to live in a house with indoor plumbing for another 4 years, but still, that just means that the Simpsons were poor, not that it was old timey days, from whence existing, august buildings must be preserved at all costs.

Okay.  Upon further reading, it turns out that the East Wing has basically been an office building for many decades.  And that it has never had the historical resonance and importance of the central White House, or even of the West Wing.  (There’s a reason that when some Hollywood libs wanted to make a series about the important goings on in the WH, they named it “The West Wing,” rather than the East Wing.)

“Yeah, but still,” say some shameless partisan lefties. “Nobody should be able to just make big alterations to the White House, willy nilly!” 

I guess they mean, except when FDR added a theatre to the East Wing in 1942.  Or when the West Wing was added, or when Truman oversaw a massive, near-gut renovation of much of the WH.  Or when Jackie O added a Rose Garden, or when Nixon added a bowling alley, or when Obama added a basketball court.

Try to bring any of that up to your average MSNBC talking head, and they’ll likely jam their fingers in their ears and say, “What gives Trump the right to replace a structure that was built when Martin Simpson’s dad was still doing his business in a hole in the backyard of his family’s shanty in Marseilles, Illinois?  Is nothing sacred to that barbarian?” 

First, that seems a little unnecessarily and personally insulting.  Because we Simpsons were just as God made us. Sure, we were working dogs and not show dogs.  And yes, we put the “lump” in “lumpen proletariat.” But that’s no reason to look down on us, you fancy, elitist lefties, with your electric garage door openers and your flush toilets!

Second, I’d go a little easy on the “White House is sacred” theme, if I were a Democrat.  Because too much of that talk might make normal folks think of some answers, once you’ve asked, “Why can’t Trump treat the WH with the kind of reverence that past Democrat presidents have treated it?”

You mean like when JFK used the WH swimming pool (and Jackie O’s bedroom) to gain carnal knowledge of teenage aides (not to mention pimping them off to his cronies)?  Or when Bill and Hill installed a cash-operated turnstile in the Lincoln bedroom, selling a night there for donations from rich leftists?

And that’s not to mention the oral-service cubby that Bill installed under the Resolute Desk, nor the firehouse pole that he installed for half-naked interns to slide down and disappear just before Hillary stomped into the Oval Office.

Hey, wait a minute.  Something just occurs to me.  You don’t think that the Dems think that Trump wants to do with the ballroom what their past presidents have done with the White House? 

Has no one told them that the “ball” in “ballroom” doesn’t mean what it meant for JFK and Slick Willie? 

Yikes!  They would have to be pretty dumb to believe that, right?  On the other hand, in the last three elections, these people voted for Cankles McPantsuit, Joey Gaffes and the Cackler.  So…

It’s all starting to make sense.  Leftists see the old walls coming down – and by “old” they mean “from 1942” – and if their TDS has already advanced to a similarly devastating point that Al Capone’s syphilis reached late in his life (look it up), they assume that Trump is running around in a bulldozer, wearing a hardhat emblazoned with “Make America Great Again,” destroying American tradition just for the joy of it. 

Which is a ridiculous fear.  Because we all know that that’s YOUR thing, lefties. When you’re not burning American flags or trying to remove big chunks of the Constitution, you’re tearing down statues of Founding Fathers, and Grant and Lincoln.  (When we tear something down, it’s not historic, and we’re going to replace it with something better.)  

Anyway, have no fear, because the Translucent Tecumseh – Elizabeth Warren herself – is on the case!  (#wemustneverstopmockingher)

One might think that Liz would be mad about the new ballroom because until now, large gatherings at the WH have been held outdoors, in tents.  (Insert your own “Liz Warren loves teepees” joke here).

Or possibly that she’s angry that taxpayer dollars will be spent on a facility that Trump will enjoy himself.  Except that he has arranged for the renovations to be funded by private donors, at no expense to the public.  And except for the fact that the ballroom will be used by subsequent presidents – leaders like Presidents Vance, DeSantis and Rubio, God willing – and will no doubt come to be an accepted, useful and even admired facility in the future.

But never mind all that. Because Liz has her deerskin dress over her head about this, and is not to be deterred.  (#neverstopmocking)  She has vowed to “launch an investigation into the contracting and approval process” for this unconscionable improvement to the White House. 

And never mind that she is in the minority party, and as such has as much chance of launching a canoe as an investigation. (#neverstop)

And never mind that the last time she conducted an investigation, she only succeeded in proving that she was 99.99% Caucasian, and therefore whiter than my smokeshow Norwegian/English wife, who is known throughout north Florida for both her alabaster skin and her complete ignorance of how to use a tomahawk or a bow-and-arrow.  Just like Wampanoag Warren.  (#neverever)   

So good luck with your investigation, Lizzie!

Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!

Road Trip, One of Charlie Kirk’s Antagonists Gets Some Karma, and the Wilks Family Deserves Praise (posted 10/24/25)

It’s good to be back home, and back in the friendly environs of CO Nation.

My trip north went well.  Since I wanted to stop and see my mom and sister in Tennessee, and to go up and hang out with the cousins in Illinois, I drove for the nearly 2500-mile round trip. 

That gave me time to catch up on some podcasts and listen to a few books on cd along the way.  I’m listening to CS Lewis’ That Hideous Strength for the first time in a long time, and it’s as gripping and weird as I remembered. 

And I was able to make the entire trip without being killed by an intoxicated illegal behind the wheel of a semi who bought his CDL for 5,000 rupees from Ken-Doll Newsom in California.  So I’ve got that going for me. 

Regular readers will remember that my mom has Alzheimer’s, and in August my sister and I finally had to move her into a memory care place in TN, near Rhonda’s home.  After a rough transition and a lot of struggles all around, we checked out a couple of more places, and have arranged to move her into a place that we think will be a better fit for her shortly.  Those of you who have gone through this know how fraught the process can be, and we have learned some hard lessons.

When I got to Illinois, the cousins and I drove up into Wisconsin, and enjoyed some cool weather and beautiful fall foliage.  On my way back south I stopped by Ottawa, Illinois to spend a contemplative hour at my maternal grandparents’ grave, which is beneath a maple in a pretty cemetery beside the Illinois river.  

Since we don’t have much of a fall here in Florida, I really appreciate October up north, which always evokes nostalgia and childhood memories of Halloween, diving into piles of leaves, and hayrack rides, followed by hot apple cider and maybe some roasted marshmallows.

Of course I didn’t have the chance for all that on this trip.  But I felt lucky to be able to spend some time on a cool, sunny autumn afternoon talking to my grandparents.  (I don’t know whether they can hear me, but I know where they are, and I suspect that they do.)

As usual during travel, I only caught bits and pieces of the news, but it seemed to be a continuation of the foolishness and absurdity that we’ve gotten used to. 

I saw that the usual suspects got together for the second annual “No Kings” extravaganza, and that they’re now 2-for-2.  Last year and this year they loudly and self-strokingly demanded that we not have a king.  And for the second year in a row, we don’t have a king.  So…mission accomplished!

(Please don’t anybody tell them that the reigns of Emperor Haile Selassi Obama and Sir Auto Pen are the closest we’ve come to having a king in nearly 250 years. They are so satisfied with themselves, and they can’t maintain that if outside reality intrudes into their bubble.)

I also saw that the big blue cities are still hell-bent on self-destruction.  Commie Mamdani appears to be on a glide path into the mayoralty of NYC, with his campaign slogan of, “Flee Now, Productive Citizens, Inshallah!” 

And another lefty with more than a dusting of Somali “Allahu akbar” is set to edge out Jacob “Wussy McPussington” Frey as mayor of Minneapolis.  Poor Minnesota!  Jazz Hands is their Governor, brother-marrying jihadi Ilhan Omar is one of their House reps, and Amy Klobuchar is one of their senators.

And now Mogadishu-St.Paul is going to be stumbling toward sharia law.  Well done, Gopher Staters!

But elsewhere, there’s a lot of good news happening.  Red states continue to do pretty well, and Trump continues to troll the eminently troll-able.  Especially entertaining were AI presentations of Trump and Melania in royal robes and crowns on “No Kings” day, as well as Trump in a Top Gun situation, dropping a few metric tons of fecal matter on the kind of protestors who have been spewing the same at us for many years now. 

I also have two other heartening stories.  The first comes from Oxford, England, where regular readers may remember that a Nigerian-Brit creep named George Abaraonye (whose name is not worth spelling correctly again) was elected the president of the Oxford Union back in June.  Because: DEI.

He had been one of the students Charlie Kirk debated there in the spring.  Charlie had been polite and respectful, and mopped the floor with Georgie, intellectually speaking.  Alabastard, on the other hand, acted like a total douche.  His conduct and arguments were as unsightly as his appearance.  (He wore slippers, sweatpants and a black t-shirt to an Oxford debate!) 

So when Charlie got murdered by a leftist spouting mainstream leftist talking points, Abalone checked all the boxes to establish himself as the quintessential leftist a-hole. 

First he posted a tweet celebrating the assassination.  (Check.)

Then, when he began to get blowback over his egregious behavior, he lied like a coward, claiming that he had posted one terrible tweet “in a moment of shock.”  (Check). 

It then turned out that he had posted other similarly awful tweets a bit later.  Because of course he did. (Check.)

In subsequent weeks, more and more influential figures began to protest Abhorrent’s hateful behavior.  Prominent speakers who had been scheduled to debate at the Oxford Union began cancelling.  Members of Parliament began criticizing Oxford, and the university finally published a condemnation of George, with the weak-sauce “his views don’t represent us” ploy.

So G. Abominable played the victim, claiming that his hateful remarks were “shaped by the context of Mr. Kirk’s own rhetoric” and whining that he had now become the target of “racist comments and threats.”   (Check.)

Finally, on October 18th, the Oxford Union took a no-confidence vote on Acrimonious.  They needed a two-thirds vote to oust him as president, and they got 5% more than that.

After checking another leftist box – Abysmal smeared his opponents, claiming that a vote against his hateful arse was “a victory for hate” – he completed the leftist Bingo card by…wait for it…becoming an election denier.

Check and mate!

His supporters pitched a fit, accusing the voters of “procedural sabotage and intimidation,” after which Appalling then did what we in the States call “pulling a Stacy Abrams.”  He defiantly declared that he was “still president-elect.” 

Okay, Georgie. 

Thank God Biden’s ghost is not still president, or George would come here illegally, the Dems would declare him a citizen, and he’d be their next nominee for President. 

Finally, I want to give a shout-out to an unlikely group: the family members of a black criminal shot dead by a white cop. 

On October 9th, Elijah Wilks, 26, was shot by a plainclothes cop who had been on his way to work.  The police told the Wilks family that Elijah had driven recklessly, cut off the cop and caused a minor collision, then stopped his car, got out and pistol-whipped the cop once with a handgun, after which he pointed the gun at the cop. The cop shot him, killing him.

The Wilks family initially said they didn’t believe the cops’ narrative, and demanded to see the dash-cam footage from the cop’s car.  The police showed them the video, which corroborated the police account.

Now this is a story we see every day in America, and it always seems to unfold the same way.  The family cries racism, proclaims their family member a saint who was brutally killed for no reason, and engages a racial arsonist like Al Sharpton. 

Sometimes they do this because they’ve imbibed the racial hatred of leftist propaganda.  Sometimes they see a big payday that can be gained from spineless authorities who are terrified of racism charges, bogus or not.  And sometimes, I’m sure, they do it because they honestly think their family member was innocent.

But in this case, the Wilks family rose above all that.  After they watched the dash cam video, they gave a press conference.  They had hired an attorney named “B’Ivory LaMarr,” who violated the Simpson Rule of Odd Apostrophes, to wit, “Never Trust a Man with an Odd Apostrophe in his First Name.”

But B’Ivory is B’atting .1000, because he announced, “I don’t think I’ve ever given a press conference and said this, but we will acknowledge that we do believe that this officer-involved shooting is justified.”

Elijah’s aunt said that her nephew “made a decision that he should not have made, and that’s just something we have to live with.”

And LaMarr concluded with, “Our hearts and our prayers go out to the off-duty officer.  I’m sure that he’s going through a healing process.”

Seriously, I nearly teared up when I read those words.  I can only imagine how painful it is to lose a family member like that.  And I’d guess that your grief is made even worse when mixed with anger at him, when you discover that his death is entirely his own fault, and the result of his own stupidly reckless behavior. 

At a terrible moment like that, and despite all of the toxic anti-whitey and anti-cop hatred you’ve been immersed in, I admire your ability to tell the hard truth, and to extend your sympathy to the man who was forced to kill your loved one. 

B’eautiful job, B’Ivory, and good on you, Wilks family!  You’ve earned some peace, after Elijah’s death.

Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!

Some Thoughts on Exploding Drug Boats, and Political Violence in America (posted 10/17/25)

Today I’ve got a little light-hearted mockery, followed by more serious thoughts about political violence in America.

I’ll start with the kind of violence I can really get behind: that targeted at cartel drug-runners.  I love the language of a RedState story on the fate of a Venezuelan drug smugglers’ boat on Tuesday.  The headline said, “Trump Reports Another Intercepted Drug Boat.” 

Yes! If by “intercepted” you mean “blown into small chunks of speed boat, cocaine, and filet of drug trafficker.” The War Department (love that name!) called it a “lethal kinetic strike.”  The word “lethal” is doing a lot of work there, because “kinetic” is something I heard a lot in physical therapy after I’d partially torn my meniscus. 

And that therapy involved neither cocaine nor rapid-onset biological disassembly of my body.

Pete Hegseth’s announcement of the latest kinetic ka-boom channeled Clint Eastwood quite nicely: “The message is clear: if you traffic drugs toward our shores, we will stop you cold.”

Which raised two questions for me:

1. Is Pete trolling the drug cartels with this?  Because from what I saw of those gang members’ transnautical experience – in which something that had been assigned “boat” at its launch instantly changed its orientation, and identified as “ball of fire” – seemed anything but cold.  In fact, I’m guessing the last words of those thugs were something like, “AIIEEEE!  Estoy en fuego!”

2. In the history of Petes, have there ever been two Petes more opposite than Fightin’ Pete Hegseth and Maternity-leave-Takin’ Pete Buttigieg?  (Not since pacifist rabbi Adolf Hersch and another Adolf H….)

Okay, now to more serious business.

In the five weeks since Charlie Kirk was killed, we’ve all spent more time than we ever wanted to spend thinking about political violence.  I’m sure my thoughts on the topic are no deeper than the next guy’s, but I feel like enough time has passed that I might be able to share some ideas without just dropping F bombs like a maniac.  So here goes.

I don’t think the main problem with political violence is the lone-wolf d-bags.  Those exist on both sides of politics, and in all religious, ethnic and social groups.  As infuriating and damaging as they can be, they are found in every human society, and they are not the core issue.

The real problem is violence that is sanctioned by the mainstream of any social or political group, because such sanction reveals a widespread social sickness that threatens the entire nation.  And that kind of violence – socially-sanctioned, approved by the mainstream – exists almost entirely on the left in the United States in recent years.

I would point to 3 leftist groups who have sanctioned violence:

1. Culturally elite non-politicians: These include actors such as Robert DeNiro — who has repeatedly fantasized about physically assaulting Trump, as well as screaming (literally: screaming) about what a dictator, Nazi, punk, coward, etc. he is – and Johnny Depp, who delivered the dead-pan, not-joking rhetorical question, “When was the last time a president was killed by an actor?”

(Ironically, the answer is, “That time when racist Democrat John Wilkes Booth murdered Republican President Lincoln.”  So, great company you’re putting yourself in, dumb-arse!)

And singers like Madonna, who openly confessed that she was thinking about bombing the White House, along with many third-rate no-talent rappers and pop wailers. 

And some of the biggest influencers and talking heads, including podcasters and streamers, as well as MSNBC and traditional media hosts.  Probably the closest thing the left has to Charlie Kirk – at least in terms of views and followers – are Hasan Piker and Stephen “Destiny” Bonnell, and both of them have openly and explicitly called for the death of conservatives.  (See my 9/29 column at Martinsimpsonwriting.com for examples.) 

2. Culturally elite politicians:  It’s hard to think of any Democrats in the House, Senate or previous White House as “elite.”  But their positions – congressman, senator, president, even SCOTUS justice – are elite, and their rhetoric has explicitly opened the door for violence, if not explicitly called for it.

(This example is the closest of the three to being bi-partisan, because our side engages in some of this too.  I’ve got to call balls and strikes, and Trump’s many references to the “enemy within” or its equivalents are not helpful.  Still, though I’m biased, I do think the Dems have been so much worse, and have acted as enemies, at least to the government (when run by GOP) and law enforcement.) 

And though the Dems point to generic calls to “fight” or “target” vulnerable Dem House seats, those figures of speech are ubiquitous on both sides of the aisle.  But has any GOP pol ever gone to the steps of SCOTUS the way Schumer did, bellowing an explicit warning to sitting justices that, “You’ll reap the whirlwind!” and “You won’t know what hit you” if you interpret the law in a way that disagrees with them?

Has any GOP congressman ever matched the level of incitement reached by Maxine Waters – with that raccoon perched on her head above that terrifying mudslide of a face — yelling that any Dems who see GOP pols in public places should, “Get in their faces, and push back on them, and tell them they’re not welcome there!” ?

3. Huge, organized groups in person, and thousands of “respectable” everyday citizens online:  We’ve all grown accustomed to mob violence carried out by Antifa, BLM, and anti-ICE/ pro-illegal groups.  But what was so shocking after Charlie Kirk’s murder was the huge number of people who appeared to be sane, functioning citizens, but who then revealed themselves to be sickening, hate-ridden monsters.

When you think of people videoing themselves being vulgar, giddy and gleeful over a bloody assassination, you think of seriously disturbed drifters and dregs of society, videoing themselves in their parents’ basements, or their squalid homeless camps, or a dilapidated single-wide.  And there were some of those.

But there were many more apparent normies.  They came from all walks of life, with the professions of teachers (K-12), college professors, and those in medicine (doctors and nurses), being well represented, as well as therapists and businesspeople, and even a few in intelligence and the military! 

And all of the anecdotal videos are backed up by multiple, widely-reported polls that reinforce what we’ve all come to know in a way many people didn’t want to believe: leftists are MUCH more likely to support political violence. 

So it’s no coincidence that this stuff happens routinely on the left, and is vanishingly rare on the right!

Did ANY mainstream GOP pols, cultural elites or media talking heads express approval of Tim McVeigh’s bombing?  Even though the attacks on Democrats in recent years – Gabby Gifford, the MN politicians, Paul Pelosi, the arson attack on Josh Shapiro’s house – were NOT carried out by right-wingers espousing right-wing ideology, have ANY mainstream GOP or conservative figures celebrated or excused any of those attacks?

All of which brings me back to where I started: even with the lone-wolf killers, the leftists among them are not scary because they are crazy.  They’re scary because they sound like “normal” mainstream lefties.

Charlie’s killer did not say that his dog or the fillings in his teeth told him to kill.  The murderers of Christian children in Nashville and Minnesota did not say voices in their heads gave them their orders.  The guy who shot Steve Scalise at the GOP baseball practice didn’t say that he was Napoleon, taking vengeance on the Bilderbergers.  

Nope.  Scalise’s shooter was a Bernie bro and campaign volunteer whose social media was full of typical anti-conservative hatred. Both “transgender” child-killers  left manifestos lambasting “transphobic” conservatives.  Charlie’s killer called him a “fascist,” just like 95% of the mainstream Dem pols and media talking heads have been doing for years. 

As disturbing as the normalized violent impulses from the left are to me, I am heartened by how rare and non-influential such violence on the right really is. 

Remember, the last time a “right wing” group came together and killed a person, it was a decade ago, and the group was the white nationalists in Charlottesville.  In that case, the most high-profile white supremacists in the country got together – and “high profile” is an oxymoron in that sentence! (The only one I could name is Richard Spencer, and I’d bet you couldn’t find 1 in 100 Americans or conservatives who have even  heard of him.) 

Those racist “leaders” put out nationwide calls for 4 months to publicize the Charlottesville rally, using all of their social networks and means of reaching their faithful band of followers.  And after all of that, they produced a group of how many tens of thousands of idiots? 

Not tens of thousands at all.  Not even thousands.  The best estimates I can find – and those were from “mainstream” (i.e. center-left or farther left) sites – were that “around 100 people” showed up.  THAT’S the high point of supposedly right-wing hate groups who have been spotted in America for the last 40 years or so, since the last vestiges of the Klan – a group with a Democrat lineage, inconveniently enough – were dismantled by federal law enforcement, using RICO, in the 1990s). 

And THAT’S what Biden and the Dems have been calling “the greatest existential threat to America” today. 

It was a ridiculous lie, and in their heart of hearts, even the Dems don’t believe it.  But DEI is collapsing, the transgender fever has broken, the hostages have been freed in Israel, and the leftist agenda is disintegrating like a Venezuelan drug boat in our Navy’s gunsights, so it’s just about all they have left.

Bless their hearts.   

Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!

Who Are the Real Insurrectionists?(posted 10/14/25)

There is a lame tradition – at graduations, in some pedestrian columns (not mine, shut up you haters!) – of giving a dictionary definition of a well-known term as an introduction. “Webster’s defines ‘graduation’ as a ‘ceremony marking the end of a period of study,’ but it is actually the beginning of a whole new journey into a new phase of life…”

Well, I’m going to risk following that lame tradition to make an argument about a contentious political term that the left has been using as a weapon in recent years. The same way they’ve used “Nobody is above the law!” – but are now running from that claim, now that it turns out that all Democrat bad actors would very much like to remain above the law, thank you very much.

That term is “insurrection.” And here – brace for the lameness – is the definition, from the American Heritage dictionary:

“1.The act or an instance of open revolt against civil authority or a constituted government.

2. A rising against civil or political authority, or the established government; open and active opposition to the execution of law in a city or state.

3. A rising in mass to oppose an enemy.”

The Democrats have been calling January 6th an insurrection every day for years, and using it as a cudgel with which to beat all conservatives. They held sham congressional hearings over it – with no GOP members chosen by the GOP, which has been the accepted practice in such hearings, for obvious reasons – and repeated it endlessly, everywhere.

During a four-year period in which they had zero accomplishments and plenty of disasters – the Cadaver and the Cackler at the top of government, the humiliating and incompetent withdrawal from Afghanistan, 9% inflation and trillions of extra debt, a wide-open border, mentally disordered males in every women’s room, etc. – the Dems have turned the “worse-than-9/11 insurrection of January 6th” into the sole reason to vote for them.

Of course, all conservatives have acknowledged that to the extent a minority of those involved in January 6th were destructive, and got violent with the police, they should be condemned, and charged and punished according to the law. And we don’t condone the bad actions that day.

At the same time, the left’s wild exaggerations and lies about January 6th required rebuttal, which we’ve done, if for no other reason than to shoot down the ridiculously exaggerated comparisons to 9/11 and Pearl Harbor.

To wit: the whole thing only lasted a few hours; of the roughly 1500-2000 people who were there, only around 10-15% did anything violent at all; the majority of the protestors were middle-aged or senior citizens with clean records, who walked around inside the capitol taking selfies for a half hour or less and then departed peacefully. Even the ones who fought with cops brought no weapons, and they killed or seriously injured zero people.

(I’m not 100% sure about the “serious injury” part. But considering that the MSM wildly exaggerated every single aspect of that day – including breathlessly reporting that the MAGA-nauts brutally murdered 5 cops, when the actual number, again, was zero – I’d bet my house that no cops were seriously injured that day. Because if they had been, they’d be the most famous cops in history, and we’d all know their names the way we know George Floyd or Trayvon Martin.)

I guess if you really stretched the formal definition hard, you could say that the minority of January 6ers who fought with cops engaged in some insurrectionist – I would say insurrectionist-adjacent – behavior. I don’t think you can call a very short-lived, unarmed struggle with a small number of cops “an open revolt against civil authority” to be taken deadly seriously.

I suppose you could call it “a rising…[in] active opposition to the execution of the law,” in the sense that the ostensible goal was to prevent Biden from taking office, as far-fetched and delusional as that aim was.

But as to the third part of the definition, I don’t see how you can call a few hundred unarmed people – out of a nation of 330 million – brawling like drunken, idiotic frat boys for several hours a “rising in mass to oppose an enemy.”

Now compare that to the gigantic, repeated, months-long, nationwide orgy of violence and destruction of property committed during the BLM and Antifa protests/riots/vandalizing loot-fests of 2020, and the sustained and violent anti-ICE protests and attacks this year.

Not one nationally prominent Democrat (with the possible exception of Fetterman?) or MSM talking-head propagandist that I’m aware of has called ANY of those mob attacks acts of “insurrection.”

But let’s go back to our tripartite definition. Could these events be reasonably called “act[s] of open revolt against civil authority or constituted government?”

Obviously! The insurrectionists are openly defying our immigration laws and multiple federal agencies (ICE, Border Patrol, DHS), and opposing the well-precedented legal use of the National Guard to protect and safeguard federal property and agents.

Could they also be called “open and active opposition to the execution of law in a city or state?”

Same answer. And it’s not just happening in “A” city or state, it’s happening in MANY cities and states all across the country. And it’s happening with the open support of governmental officials on the local, state and national levels.

In my late, great home state of Illinois, Brain-dead Brandon (mayor of Chicago) and Governor Goodyear, (D)irigible, are both defying federal authority as we speak. And Mayor Brandon has declared areas of the city “ICE-free” zones.

On the one hand, that is likely to be as successful as declaring Chicago a “gun-free zone.” (How’s that working for you, Brandon? What’s that? I couldn’t hear your reply over the incessant chatter of small arms fire and bodies hitting the ground.) But on the other hand, trying to ban federal agents enforcing federal law clearly violates the supremacy clause, among other constitutional strictures.

Finally, and obviously, they clearly represent groups “rising in mass to oppose an enemy.” It’s hard to know precisely how many different people have participated in this years-long insurrection, because many of them are serial offenders, participating in dozens or even hundreds of separate riots in separate cities and states. But the numbers of perpetrators are obviously well into the hundreds of thousands, and likely into the low millions.

(Put your shoes back on and take my word for it, AOC: that’s a lot more than the several hundred bad actors on January 6th.)

But let’s get beyond the letter of the law in the definition above. Everybody can easily tell the difference between seriously threatening insurrections and momentary tantrums by tiny groups of marginalized people with no chance of overthrowing the government.

Consequential insurrections with even a tiny chance of success always involve armed perpetrators, recognized leaders among the rebels, serious organization, a plan for an end game, and strategic, coordination actions to get there (ex: taking control of armories, communication facilities, or other significant government facilities; arresting or taking hostage key government figures, etc.).

Does any of that sound like what happened on January 6th? None of those boneheads were armed. The closest thing they had to a leader was a bi-polar weirdo in a horn-hat whom nobody knew. (The logical leader for a real insurrection would have been the president who stood to retain power… but Trump never coordinated or communicated with the J6ers, and in fact explicitly told them only to protest, and to do that peacefully!) (Which would make him the Worst. Insurrection leader. Ever!)

They had no organization, no plans for an end game, and no strategic plans to gain control over any location or assets more consequential than Imhotep Pelosi’s ceremonial gavel.

But the leftist insurrectionists pass all of the tests required to be considered a serious threat. They are obviously armed with everything from slingshots, clubs and various deadly throwable objects (cans of soup, pavement, frozen water bottles) to cars (used to ram agents and their vehicles) to fireworks, handguns and long guns. They’ve murdered at least 27 people, and have badly injured literally thousands of others.

They have recognized leaders, and an organizational structure composed of associated national networks and coordinated local cells, like the 10-creature team who lured ICE agents out of a facility in TX with fireworks, and then ambushed and shot at law enforcement, striking one in the neck.

They obviously coordinate, with some supporters providing housing near ICE facilities, some providing political cover, some gathering and disseminating intelligence (including doxxing individual ICE agents and broadcasting the locations and movements of law enforcement who are carrying out their legal and constitutional roles). Others provide them with funding, and also with legal support. (One such idiot was the Vice President, who used the power of her office to solicit funds to bail out violent insurrectionists who had been arrested!)

They were also determined enough to cost literally billions of dollars of damage in just the second half of 2020: $2 billion in insured damage, and likely that much more in uninsured . And that’s not counting the costs of paying for what is likely millions of man-hours of LEO time and overtime, not to mention the costs of trying, convicting and housing those who end up in jail. Or the clean-up costs of public buildings, highways, court-houses or other government facilities and private businesses.

And they have won victories. They forced kangaroo trials that failed in many places (against Kyle Rittenhouse in WI, for example) but succeeded in others (against Derek Chauvin in MN). They set up temporary lawless zones like CHOP, even though those ended in disaster. (UNEXPECTEDLY!) More importantly, they have cowed state and local officials in many insurrectionist cities and states.

What is a “sanctuary city” if not a place where insurrectionists defeated law-abiding citizens and seized control over their public infrastructure and government, in open rebellion against our democratically established democratic republic?

I always like to apply the double-standards test to all political issues, and something tells me that the lefties who love designating “sanctuary cities” when it comes to our immigration laws would not be so happy with conservatives declaring their cities and states as sanctuary areas.

For example, I for one would love to declare my hometown a sanctuary tax-law city. If Dem mayors can declare LA, Chicago and NYC to be ICE-free zones, how about we declare half the country IRS-free zones? We demand that the IRS stay out, and we won’t obey any tax laws within our state or city borders. Starting tomorrow our gas stations will stop collecting gas taxes (gas is now $1.50 per gallon!), our grocery stores will stop collecting taxes on food, snacks, beer, cigarettes, and sombreros for use in comic videos mocking Hakeem Jeffries and Chuck Schumer.

Also, we could create and distribute an app to allow citizens to track IRS agents or other tax collectors who come into our cities. We will also form mobs – and if we can’t get there, we will lionize such mobs – to surround, obstruct, attack and possibly shoot at such agents. Because everyone knows that people who enforce tax laws are Nazis and fascists.

That’s absurd of course, because we’re the ones who obey laws and pay more than our fair share, and we are disgusted by the idea of murdering people who disagree with us.

I hope the violent left has enjoyed their victories, because now we’re turning the tables on them, and helping them to reap that which they so eagerly sowed. They lectured us about how “no one is above the law,” and now we’re proving them right. (Ask Letitia, and Fani, and Comey, and Pencil-Neck, etc. how they feel about that.)

And since they screamed that insurrectionists deserve the harshest of punishments?

Coming right up, comrades!

Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!

Celebrating Liberated Hostages & Response to Trump’s Success (posted 10/14/25)

This isn’t one of my usual columns, just some random thoughts on this happy day, when Trump did what other presidents couldn’t, and brought at least some temporary peace to the Middle East. 

I just spent 20 minutes watching videos of Jewish families being reunited with their loved ones who had been held for two years by evil animals in Gaza. I don’t know a word of Hebrew, but I didn’t need to.  I think these videos are going right up there in my pantheon of feel-good videos to watch now.  (Joining military members surprising their families after being deployed, people with cochlear implants hearing for the first time, dogs greeting their owners after a long time away, and election nights 2016 and 2024.)

I hope we all learn the lessons of the process that led to this day.  Lessons like, “Don’t appease terrorists.  Maim them with explosive pagers, kill their leaders (even if they’re hiding out in Qatar or Iran), and ignore the UN and spineless anti-Semitic politicians and college kids, here or abroad.” 

And whatever you do, don’t elect a morally confused leftist who can’t tell good from evil as your president.

I hate to say it, but I think that when the joy of this moment has passed, Israel is going to have to do some hard thinking about their strategy of giving up thousands of jihadi terrorists every time Jewish hostages are taken.  I can’t blame them for wanting their loved ones back, and it says good things about the depth of their love that they are willing to give up so much to rescue their people.

But strategically, it has backfired in the past, and it’s almost guaranteed to do so again in the future.  It incentivizes evil people to take hostages, and makes a mockery of the Israeli judicial system, since giving terrorists harsh sentences means nothing, when they can be set free every time more Jews are kidnapped.

For evidence, I point to the famous case of Gilad Shalit, an Israeli soldier taken hostage in 2006, and ransomed by Israel five years later in exchange for 1027 Palestinian criminals and terrorists, including 280 who were serving multiple life sentences for terrorist acts.

Among those were terrorists who participated in bus bombings and other massacres; many had more than one life sentence, and one had 36!  One of those scumbags, with 4 life sentences, was Yahya Sinwar, who became the head of Hamas and chief architect of the October 7th terrorist attack.   

Which means that rescuing Gilad Shalit partially contributed to the deaths of thousands of Jews since October 7th, and over 100 more Jews being taken hostage and subjected to death or torture for two years.   That’s a very hard truth to say or to hear, and I don’t know what the solution is, but I don’t think it involves continually trading thousands of violent and guilty men for handfuls of innocents, whose numbers are only going to grow in the future.

(I feel like I should point out that the Jews don’t have our frustratingly self-sacrificial “new” testament.  Normally I am very grateful for the Gospels and all the rest, but I have to admit that there are times when it would be a relief to just have the OG “eye for an eye” rule still in place and operational.  And post October 7th would definitely be one of those times!)

But such thoughts are for another day.  Today is a day for celebrating, and basking in the relief and joy of families reunited, and a national wound salved in Israel.

Not to mention a time for enjoying the schadenfreude-tastic spectacle of our leftists grinding their teeth and rending their garments in frustrated outrage over watching Trump be lauded as an international hero!  Oh, shoot it straight into my veins!

I can’t help but think of Tolstoy’s line, “Every happy family is alike; every miserable one is unhappy in its own way.” 

And boy do our seething leftists have a thousand ways of being miserable today!  Most of them decided on trying to ignore this international triumph.  Lefty streamers and talking heads who can’t quit yammering about how Trump is a moron, and responsible for the ongoing disaster in Gaza, have suddenly gone radio silent.

Many other sour souls – like a certain Barry O, who never met a foreign crisis that he didn’t inflame – felt duty bound to put out a positive statement, but then – hilariously enough – couldn’t bring themselves to mention the Orange Elephant in the room who brought about the spectacular deal that they are grudgingly praising. 

But the idiots occupying the deepest circle of the Democrats’ Dantean Inferno are those who ridiculously tried to take credit for Trump’s accomplishment, which was only achieved because he did the exact opposite of everything they did.

Grandma Squanto cast a certain fetching Indian maiden in the starring role (#wemustneverstopmockingher), beginning her comment – which didn’t mention Trump – with self-congratulation: “For two excruciating years, I have called for the return of the hostages brutally kidnapped on October 7th and held in Gaza.”

Yes. And for two excruciating years, your nagging produced exactly nothing.  Because if foreign policy results were achieved by sending out a super-white harpy to obnoxiously hector people, Hillary Clinton would have achieved world peace when she was SecState. 

Sidebar: JD Vance proves once again that he’s got a black belt in trolling, with this reaction to Lizzie Warren’s tweet: “The president told me he did this on Indigenous People’s Day in honor of you!”  Perfect!

Speaking of incompetent SecStates, Tony Blinken laughably claimed that Trump’s 20-point peace plan for Gaza was based on one developed by the Biden administration! 

Which is weird, because every Biden plan had only 9 points: 1. Try to make it down the stairs intact. 2. Watch out for that sandbag.  3. Look at the picture cards the nice girl gives you when taking questions in a press conference.  4. If the teleprompter goes down, fake a stroke and Roomba your way off stage.   5. Don’t ask if any dead people are in the room.  6. Don’t talk to any dead people in the room.  7. Don’t do that creepy whisper.  8. Or that frightening yell.  9. Don’t poop on the Pope.    

And on his best day ever, Biden went 2-for-9. (And that’s spotting him 1 on the vast majority of occasions when the Pope wasn’t present to be pooped upon.)

Speaking of Corn Pop’s nemesis, in addition to not knowing whether he’s afoot or horseback, Joey Gaffes might actually believe that he had something to do with Trump’s triumph: “The road to this deal was not easy.  My administration worked relentlessly to…end the war.” 

But even Joe had to give Trump credit for “getting a renewed ceasefire deal over the finish line.”  

As if Biden had engineered a drive down to the one-yard line and left it to Trump on first-and-goal, rather than playing for 50 minutes, throwing 4 picks, lining up behind the left tackle instead of the center, then falling and breaking his hip, after which Trump was called in, down by 4 touchdowns with 10 minutes left, and somehow pulled off a miracle.

You’ve got to love those Dems!

On a more somber note, a substantial plurality (if not an outright majority) of the elite left has revealed their true selves, and it’s been an ugly sight.  First, Charlie Kirk got murdered, and not only could they not at least feign sadness, they openly celebrated.

And now, after years of theatrically beating their breast over the terrible “genocide” happening in Gaza, it took them three days after the announcement of a settlement to even grudgingly put out the most tepid acknowledgment of the horrific tragedy’s end.

Which means that either they never gave a damn about the “Palestinian” lives they pretended to agonize over, or they never believed that a genocide was happening in the first place.  Or both. 

The smart money is on both. 

Think about what they’ve shown to the world!  When a good man was murdered, they gloated, and when a terrible war was ended, they pouted.

What’s wrong with these people?!    

Never mind.  It’s a great day, and for the sake of their own pinched hatreds, they’ve banished themselves to the cold and miserable darkness. 

Meanwhile, the rest of us are inside the warm, glowing mansion, feasting and toasting and partying with the Jews, and with all people of good will everywhere.   

L’chaim, CO nation! 

But still…Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!

History: Does Part of the US Belong to Mexico? (posted 10/13/25)

This week I’ll be doing some travelling, starting on Wednesday.  I’ll go up to TN to see my mom and sister, then on up to IL and WI to see some leaves change and hang with my cousins, before visiting mom again on the way back home. 

But I’ve been noodling around with many column ideas for a while, so I’m hoping to post columns on Wednesday and Friday, and I’ll play it by ear for next Monday.

Today, as Trump appears to be on the verge of shepherding a peace deal in the Middle East that would earn him universal acclaim – even on the left, if he weren’t so orange and trumpy – I’m going to talk about his other greatest accomplishment (IMHO): his success at stopping illegal immigration and deporting the illegals who are already here.

I want to focus on one specific aspect of that struggle, which is the ideological arrogance of some of those who have come here illegally, especially those from Mexico. 

I’ll be the first to acknowledge that many Mexicans came here for a very logical reason, which is to escape the poverty and chaos of their badly run homeland in favor of the opportunities to improve their lives and future in America. That is a worthy goal, and I don’t blame anybody who wants to achieve it.

Don’t get me wrong: if they came illegally, they’ve still got to go back.  If they voluntarily self-deport, they can have a chance to be heavily vetted, and to someday potentially immigrate legally.  (If they don’t, and they force us to catch and deport them, don’t let the door flatten your sombrero on your way out.)

But I’m not talking about those Mexicans.  I’m talking about the ones who have adopted an obnoxious and false leftist ideological fantasy that much of the United States morally and legally belongs to them.  This belief has been part of the lefty/multicultural/anti-colonizing ascendency in academia generally, and Hispanic and American studies in particular.  (Common terms are the “All of Mexico” movement, and the “Reconquista.”) 

The theory is that much of the southern and western United States once belonged to Mexico, and since taking land by political conquest is immoral and illegitimate (at least when Europeans or white folks do it), a big chunk of the USA is not really “America,” and Mexicans have a right to be here and stay here.  And maybe be given the land back officially, just as some argue that black Americans should get cash reparations or else property, in a variation on the “40 acres and a mule” formula. 

As a former academic, I encountered later iterations of this aggressively misinformed concept in the form of “land acknowledgements,” those fatuous pronouncements preceding various events (graduations, conferences, etc.) bemoaning the fact that the event is taking place on land once owned by various Edenic, noble (non-white) peoples such as the Hekawi tribe or the Wakandans, from whom it was brutally stolen by Euro-whities. (Boo, whitey!  Boo!) 

Basically, the conceit is that the imaginary Elizabeth Warrens – brown gals with long black hair in braids, deer skin dresses, and cheekbones you could skin a Tatanka with – were all dispossessed by the actual Elizabeth Warrens – translucent AWFL shrews whiter than a yodeling competition in Reykjavik in January.  (#wemustneverstopmockingher)  

Phony land acknowledgments were the highest form of virtue signaling, making the scolding whiners feel morally superior while costing them nothing.  (If they believed their own BS, they’d cancel the event, insist that the venue be given to the descendants of the Apaches or whoever, and abandon their own houses immediately.)  

This ideological stance only added to the larger trend of resistance to assimilation, which has made the recent explosion in illegal immigration so much more destructive than earlier waves of immigrants.  And this is obviously a significant problem with at least a large portion of Mexican illegals – and their pale-face lefty enablers – judging from the violent protests and attacks on ICE this year, including those involving flying Mexican flags and burning the American one.

Needless to say, believers in those ideas vigorously oppose any suggestion that they should assimilate to American culture!  To the contrary, they are entitled to claim the land for themselves, after which we can be required to assimilate to their culture, if they allow us to stay.

So let’s take a little stroll down history lane, and see how well this theory holds up.

Spain started controlling parts of the Americas in 1493, and started planting cities and missions in what is now the USA in 1565 (starting with St. Augustine).  Their control of parts of America lasted for almost 3 centuries, until they started weakening in the 19th century.  They lost Louisiana to the French in 1803; they ceded Florida to the US in 1819.  And then they lost the rest to Mexico in the Mexican War of Independence in 1821, who then lost it to America in the Mexican-American War of 1846-48. 

So to the extent that most of the disputed Western territories that eventually became the site of the “Reconquista” political fight today (CA, AZ, NM, etc.) were “owned” by any nation, they were owned by Spain for 250 years, then by Mexico for 25 years, and then by the USA for the last 175 years. 

Which means that the La Raza rioters say that big chunks of the US belong to them because Mexico controlled it for only 25 of the last 450 years!  Needless to say, they don’t talk a lot about how the Mexicans “stole” it from the Spaniards before America “stole” it from them!  

Because after all, the Mexicans won their land fair and square, in a war, whereas the grifter gringos won it from the Mexicans…um…fair and square…in a war.  (What’s Spanish for “D’oh!”?)

And their case is even weaker when seen in the light of the racialist identity politics of most “educated” young lefties.  Because from what I’ve read, Mexico has a much more stubbornly persistent racially binary, privileged/under-privileged make-up than the multi-racial USA does.

A disproportionate number of the most influential/rich/politically connected Mexicans descend pretty clearly from the Spaniards who ruled Mexico for most of its history.  The descendants of Aztecs – shorter and more squat, with darker skin and flatter features – are easily distinguishable from the taller, lighter-skinned European Spaniards. 

And those guys were European colonizers to the core, and would be considered white in modern leftists’ racial taxonomy. 

But before you award the Nobel Prize for Victimology to the “native” Mexicans, hold on to your maracas.  Because if we canoe back a little farther into the mists of history, we find that those “native” Mexicans were actually the racial descendants of the Aztecs, who were very successful colonizers in their own right. 

In fact, Cortes’ conquest of the Aztecs was made possible in part by brutal Aztec treatment of their neighboring tribes, which motivated those tribes to take revenge on them by giving the Spaniards assistance and local knowledge.

Now I don’t believe in all of this racialized identity politics that the professional/academic left does.  I’m more of a conservative, merit-based/MLK guy, into judging people by the content of their character instead of the color of their skin.  But if I did buy into the racialist left’s taxonomy, I STILL wouldn’t think that the Mexican protestors should be fighting ICE and Americans. 

To the extent that they are Aztec-descended, they should be pissed at the Spanish (i.e. “white”) power structure that’s been keeping them down in Mexico.  To the extent that they are Spanish/white, they should mock the Aztec-descended Mexicans, because they are condemning the Spanish for colonizing them, while the Aztecs only had “Mexico” because THEY had colonized/genocided the previous inhabitants.

And to the extent that they are proud Mexican patriots/nationalists who don’t care about racial differences amongst them – and good for them! – they should be ashamed of themselves for whining that the Yankees “stole” Mexico from them 175 years ago, when THEY had stolen it from the Spanish 25 years earlier.  Just like they should feel sheepish because they resent being forced to speak English, when they only speak Spanish because a bunch of white Europeans forced it on them, and wiped out the native Nahuatl language.

However it would be fun, if they did manage to drive out the Americans and take over LA, to hack their phone systems with messages that started, “For Nahuatl, press one…”  And then they could suffer when some Aztec jerk who calls himself whatever is Nahuatl for “Bad Bunny” gives them four months to learn Nahuatl before he yowls out some terrible music at halftime of the Super Bowl of soccer.  (Making a horrific experience even worse!)

Illegal aliens’ fantasies of forcing American citizens to adapt to their own cultural norms is just one more reason to deport them.  Unlike earlier immigrants who admired America and were excited and eager to become Americans – like my Scots-Irish and German ancestors, and my wife’s Norwegian and British ones – too many illegals prefer their home cultures, and would rather create outposts of El Salvador or Somalia here, or live in Muslim enclaves with sharia law here. 

That is certainly not true of all immigrants, and I’m sure there are many Muslims who want to get out from under the jihadi freaks running their nations, and many Central Americans who want to escape the d-bags who have turned their countries into an oppressive hell-holes, and many others who just want to work hard and become patriotic Americans.

However, thanks to Joe Biden, many Democrats and some Republicans, we’ve got a huge mess on our hands now, and we got here by allowing millions of unvetted illegals to flout our laws.  But as the Secretary of War once said, “That sh*t is over!”

It’s going to be hard to devote a lot of time and resources to processing more would-be immigrants while we’re spending a fortune to deport the millions of illegals here now.  (Again, thank Joe Biden for that!)

When we do get back to vetting new immigrants, we’d better vet the hell out of them!  Because along with all of the good ones hoping to come for the same reason most of our ancestors came – before there was a welfare system or any social safety net, and you were expected to assimilate to American culture, instead of the other way around – there are many who want to come for the welfare benefits, and the chance to spread their own hatred of the West and American culture.

And we’ve already got enough leftists, thank you.  

Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!