A Final Visit to Psychology Corner with Dr. Simpson (posted 10/10/25)

This will be the last in a series of columns on the political implications of various psychological phenomena.  Today’s topic is the idea of suggestibility/conformity, commonly referred to as peer pressure.  Recognizing that humans are social creatures, and that successful functioning of society requires some amount of conformity to group norms, psychologists devised experiments to analyze this concept. 

Two of the most famous of these were the Asch Conformity Experiments, and the Stanford Prison Experiment.  The former seemed pretty benign, and even humorous or ridiculous, while the latter was equally as creepy as the “learned helplessness” dog-shocking experiments I wrote about in Wednesday’s column. 

In the 1950s, Solomon Asch conducted a number of experiments that showed the strength of the pressure to conform to group behavior.  One of the best known of these – which was also featured on an episode of the “Candid Camera” show – involved a test subject walking into an elevator filled with people who are in on the experiment.

Instead of facing the doors of the elevator like normal people, the participants all turned and faced the back of the elevator.  The test subject very often ended up mimicking them, and either turning to face directly backwards, or at least turning parallel to or tangentially away from the sliding doors.

At Stanford, researchers devised a role-playing experiment involving dividing a group of college students randomly into two groups: prisoners, and prison guards. The experiment turned so creepy so quickly – the “guards” became callous and even sadistic toward the prisoners, and the “prisoners” became subservient and blindly obedient – that it had to be terminated after only six days. 

Like much academic research, these experiments in part “proved” common sense ideas that were largely known.  (Providential warnings about the danger of running with a bad crowd and folk sayings like “birds of a feather flock together” have been around forever.)  And like the other psychological tendencies I’ve written about, pressure to conform happens in all groups, and on both sides of the political aisle.         

For example, when I was refreshing my memory on the Asch conformity experiments, one contemporary example came immediately to mind: virtue signaling.  Every group – social, religious, ethnic, political – believes in certain virtues, and signaling to the group that you possess those virtues is a quintessentially conformist act, for good or ill.

And I acknowledge that this is true of both conservative and leftist political communities, though it has become a more significant/trendy topic for discussion on the left in recent years.

Right-wing virtue signaling – though it wasn’t often called that – traditionally involved clear displays of either patriotism or religiosity.  Most honest conservatives really are patriotic about America…but cynical RINOs will happily wear a flag pin on their lapels, and cynical GOP businessmen will fly ginormous American flags over their car dealerships to ingratiate themselves with their red state/conservative customer base. 

And conservatives are markedly more religious than their lefty counterparts; in America that usually means they are Christian, but it is often accompanied by embracing the Old Testament and “Judeo” part of “Judeo-Christian” too.  But slick GOPers have also been known to put Bible verses in their advertising and in their shops to court Christian customers.

Lefty virtue signaling is very well known.  Smug yard signs (“In this house we believe: science is real, no human is illegal…”) and suicidally naïve bumper stickers (“CoExist,” man!) tell you the story even when the owner isn’t there to do the preening in person.   

Of course, as a conservative, I think that right-wing virtue signaling is generally more benign than the left-wing kind, in large part because it involves causes that are ACTUALLY virtuous, like love for America, and for God. 

While not flawless (of course!), America really is a great country, and on balance, really has been a force for good in the world.  The Founding Fathers were an amazing group of people with big brains, big hearts and big balls (shout out to that DOGE kid!), and they did impressive things.  While their flaws were common to all nations – toleration for slavery, for example – their virtues were rare, and deserving of our patriotism.   

And being as Christlike as you can really IS a noble and salutary endeavor, because Jesus is the best and highest example of a Man. (I might even go so far as to call Him the way, the truth and the life.  But I’m biased.)

So aligning yourself with the Shining City on a Hill, and the God who died on one, is a wise choice.  Additionally, doing so comes with a powerful built-in disincentive to become proud and arrogant, since Christ also warned against signaling our own virtue to create a public display.  (See Matthew chapter 6 if you are so inclined, where He criticizes performing acts of righteousness in front of others for the sake of being noticed.)

Compare that to leftist virtue signaling, which IMHO usually involves signaling something that is not actually virtuous — socialism, class envy, racialism and identity politics are NOT morally admirable causes – or else is done dishonestly.

Examples of the former: Proclaiming that there is no difference between a man and a woman, or  that one can become the other.  (That’s not virtuous – it’s just stupid.)

Pretending to believe Palestinian reports (which means Hamas reports, i.e. lies) that Israel is committing genocide in Gaza.  (That’s an insult to the memories of IDF soldiers sacrificed in the process of minimizing civilian deaths, as well as an insult to our intelligence.)  

Preaching hatred of white folks, or financially successful people, or females who object to being slapped by the phalli of “trans” “women” in their locker room. (Shame on you all!)   

Examples of the latter: Claiming that climate change is going to wipe out all human life, and thus that having a big carbon footprint is participating in Gaia-cide…while you have a YUGE carbon footprint from your multiple mansions and private jet flights to Davos. 

Claiming that you are an ally of noble “undocumented” immigrants…while you tossed the actual illegals whom DeSantis flew to your Martha’s Vineyard retreat onto departing buses like John Wayne heaving anonymous extras out onto a dusty street through saloon windows or swinging doors. 

As I was writing this, I came across one more great example: a video clip of the leftist, rapping moron who calls himself “Bad Bunny,” who inadvertently provided a great example of a leftist, virtual-signaling Saturday Night Live audience proving themselves to be a bunch of braying, conforming sheep last weekend.

Needless to say, I only saw the one clip, and not the entire episode of SNL hosted by Bad Bunny, for many reasons.  First, he followed in the footsteps of leftist idiots giving themselves ridiculous names like “Destiny” and “Charlamagne Tha God,” and of imbecilic rappers who give themselves ridiculous names like 4Xtra, Megan thee Stallion, and Dum-azz and the Holes.

(Okay, I made that last one up.  But it’s no dumber than the others.)

He’s also an America-hating moron who raps in Spanish.  I’ve heard a few snippets of French rap and Spanish rap, and they are even worse than rap snarled in English.

Yikes.  I just searched “German rap” and listened to an agonizing 30 seconds of two “songs.” And I stand by my total disdain.  I would have thought that nothing could be worse than listening to rapid-fire use of the N word (“Who you callin’ narwhal, narwhal? Narwhal, please!”) But it turns out that throwing in some rolled “r”s and Germanic phlegm somehow increases rap’s terribleness!

And Bad Bunny is such a hypocrite that he wouldn’t even pick a Spanish rap name for himself, since he’ll make a lot more money from a low-IQ English-speaking audience as “Bad Bunny” than he would as “Malo Rabbit-o.”  (I’m NOT looking up the Spanish translation of that idiot’s name!  I quit that after I learned that Willie Brown’s old side-chick was “Que Mala.”)  

Where was I?  Oh yeah.   

B-squared started off his monologue touting his upcoming gig as the Super Bowl half-time-ruiner, before going into several sentences of Spanish.  The studio audience applauded wildly, and then he switched back to broken English: “Eef  joo di-unt unnerstand what I jus’ said, joo have four mon to learn.”

Yes.  Let’s all spend the next four months slaving away on Rosetta Stone so that we can be prepared to appreciate the sub-literate yapping of Culo Rabbit-o during the Super Bowl.  Idioto!

What struck me was that I know that most of that audience doesn’t understand Spanish, and yet they applauded like a bunch of trained seals.  (And that’s an insult to trained seals, since they can do a lot of charming stunts, what with the ball-balancing and the clapping and that weird barking that they do.)

It reminded me of something that nagged at me, until I finally placed it.  A few months ago, the great Shane Gillis hosted the ESPY awards, and he played an amazing prank on the woke audience.  He said, “Four-time WNBA all-star Brittany Hicks is here.  Give it up for Brittany,” and pointed to a black woman in the room, who waved while the entire crowd applauded enthusiastically.

And then Gillis pulled the rug out: “I’m joking around.  That’s my friend’s wife.  I knew none of you knew WNBA players.” The crowd got very quiet, and he said, “That’s crazy, that you clapped for that.”      

Ahhh!  That is chef’s-kiss perfect!  An entire auditorium full of virtue-signaling wokesters, falling all over themselves to cheer for the black female athlete they all LOVE in the sport they definitely support and watch ALL THE TIME…

Annnnddd… they just pantsed themselves on camera, revealing their utter hypocrisy.  Just like those morons at SNL, applauding for Malo Pendejo Rabbit-o rambling in a language they pretended to understand. 

Here’s a few final thoughts to start your weekend:

Although the Asch experiment proved that people are susceptible to the pressure to conform, it also revealed some contrary points.  First, not everybody succumbed.  Over various trials, 5% of subjects conformed all of the time, 75% of participants conformed at least some of the time, but around 25% never conformed. 

Many follow-up experiments also showed that young people have the highest rates of conformity, which sounds right: the young are more impressionable, and more subject to peer pressure.  It also helps to explain why way more of those under 25 identify as or support LGBTQ identity, support the “Palestinians” over Israel, find political violence acceptable, and vote for Democrats.

I know: not very encouraging.

On the other hand, the most heartening finding to me was the power of one lone, non-conforming person.  In an elevator in which everybody faced backwards, the pressure on the subject to face backwards was great.  But if just one other person faced the right way, almost all test subjects would face the right way.   

I take some comfort in that, and I think it explains a lot of the turnaround in this country over the last handful of years.  Not too long ago, relatively few college students would openly call themselves conservative, or say that men can’t become women, or stand up for Jewish students on campus, or criticize feminists, or BLM, or mask mandates. 

We’ve still got a long way to go, and the leftist elites in legacy media, and public and higher education are still fighting hard, even in retreat. 

But a relative handful of influential conservatives and non-leftists have pointed out that the Emperor has no clothes.  They’ve faced the front of the elevator, and many people have watched them, and listened to them, and followed their example.

Call it the Charlie Kirk effect.

Let’s all do our best to build on it.

Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!

Continuing Our Stroll Through Political Psychology (posted 10/8/25)

In previous columns I discussed projection and habituation.  Today’s psychological topic is learned helplessness, which can be seen as a negative and maladaptive type of habituation.  It is a state that results when a people’s past experiences teach them that their decisions cannot change their situation, so they adopt a helpless passivity.

The concept originated in some very depressing animal experiments, which I don’t like to think about, since I like most dogs more than many people.  The short version is that dogs in a partitioned cage were given electric shocks that affected both sides of the cage, so that moving to the other side wouldn’t help.  After enough of that, even when the other side of the cage was not electrified, the dogs wouldn’t attempt to move in order to escape the shocks. 

What does that teach us, other than that some psychologists should be put in cages and randomly shocked?

Heartbreakingly, once the dogs learned that their decisions made no difference, their will was broken, and though they could easily escape the shocks by crossing the cage, they would no longer take those simple steps. 

Clear similarities to human behavior abound.  Sometimes external forces can push people toward learned helplessness.  A society that is racist or sexist or religiously bigoted can tell you that nobody of your race or gender or religion can ever get an education, or be financially successful, or amount to much.   Bad or abusive parents or spouses can tell you that you’re stupid or worthless.  Many people give up after they are told that – and experience that – often enough.

Sometimes internal forces can do the same.  An instinctively pessimistic person will look for obstacles and problems rather than opportunities or solutions, and you tend to find or notice what you are looking for.  Since there are always plenty of obstacles around – and plenty of people to agree that they cannot be overcome (or just that YOU cannot overcome them) – it can be very easy to hunker down and stop trying.  

Self-sabotaging behavior creates a self-fulfilling prophecy, which then reinforces the pessimism and helplessness.  If I tell myself I’m the kind of dummy who doesn’t do well in school, I don’t study very much (because what’s the use?), and then I fail the test.  Which proves that I’m stupid and destined to drop out. 

The end result is often depression, substance abuse, and a self-reinforcing spiral of negativity and failure.  As I once heard a fellow Midwesterner say of someone in this condition, “He’s got a lot of quit in him.”

The best path out of learned helplessness usually involves a combination of strategies to create positive habits.  Cognitive therapy can help, as can setting defined goals, become more consciously grateful, and learning to be more optimistic.  (There’s a reason CO started a site focusing on optimism!) 

As a Christian, I also find that it helps to meditate on the fact that God made me in His image.  So I have that going for me!

It also helps to think about inspiring people who overcame negative circumstances.  Take JD Vance, for example.  His early life had “learned helplessness” written all over it: absent dad, addict mom, raised by eccentric grandparents in Appalachian poverty, the deck stacked against him six ways to Sunday.

Never did the phrase “white privilege” sound so hollow and ridiculous.  (Spoiler alert: it usually is, especially when being wildly exaggerated by naïve elitists who’ve never been within 100 miles of a holler or a trailer court.)

What picture of himself would society paint for a young JD?  Toothless hick, Hillbilly, white trash.  Bound for a life of coal mining or a Dollar Store or prison, with stops at bar fights and corn-liquor-involved DUIs along the way. 

(By the way, racial slurs are supposed to be bad, right?  But can you think of a more insultingly dehumanizing term than “white trash?”  Anybody in polite society would sooner cut their own tongue out than be caught using the N word, but you can call poor whitey “trash” in any faculty lounge or posh dinner party, safe in the knowledge that you’ll get knowing nods or condescending smiles all around.)  

So what does all of this have to do with my usual focus on politics and culture?  A lot actually.  Learned helplessness is devastating to individuals, but it can be very useful to politicians. Especially if those politicians are leftists, skilled at inculcating and profiting from the anger, pessimism, and depression of most lefties.

(Side-bar, chicken-and-egg question:  Does leftism make people depressed and angry, or are depressed and angry people naturally drawn to leftism?  Discuss amongst yourselves.)

Such leftist pols cleverly set up an ecosystem of identity politics in which the most valuable currency is victim status.   (“Victim” is practically a synonym for someone with learned helplessness.)  Then they set about trying to convince voters that they are all powerless victims trapped in a cage built by evil conservatives, even as they themselves are the mad scientists conducting a heartless political experiment.

They see some black and brown people, and they hit them with a relentless sequence of rhetorical “shocks” to teach them to see themselves as impotent:  Amerikkka is a racist society, built on slavery and stolen land and immigrant labor.  The leading cause of death for black men is being shot by white cops while unarmed and black, and for brown people it’s being “disappeared” by Gestapo ICE agents.  The white power structure has been keeping you down for 400 years, and it’s never going to stop.    

They see women and they pull out the verbal cattle prods: The patriarchy has been brutally oppressing women for 4000 years.  Sexism is in the air you breathe and the language you speak, and men want to force you all into handmaid costumes.  All heterosexual sex is rape, and it’s called “the battle of the sexes” because brutish men are going to fight you to the death, and beat you if you don’t submit.

They see poor people and they attach the connected electrodes of communism and socialism to their cage: Capitalism is the evil force beneath all of your troubles, and capitalists are voracious slave-masters who will exploit you for their bloodthirsty greed and profits until you are worked to death in their infernal mills, factories, and cubicles.

They see sexual eccentrics and they attach the electrified nipple clamps of gender re-education: All of those hetero-normative cisgender bullies want you to conform to their Aryan beauty standards and engage only in pregnancy-producing sex in the missionary position because their small, bigoted minds can’t appreciate the appeal of your many piercings and body-modifications, your unidentifiable genitalia, and your erotic squirrel and raccoon outfits.  They prudishly refuse to accept that you can be healthy at any weight, and want to body shame you out of their ignorance of how good transgressive sex can be, especially when it requires the deployment of a forklift and a complicated system of chains and pulleys to lower you onto each other.

Okay, sorry about that “nipple clamps” thing and that last image.  Got a little carried away there, and it’s too late for a trigger warning.  So mea culpa.

Anyway, you can see the results in the generational dependence among those who have listened to the left’s siren song.  They’ve been in that cage for a long time, and they’ve learned that they can’t get themselves out.  They get their housing, their food, their education, their health care, and their spending money from the government, and they’ll crawl over broken glass to vote for the party who promises to keep taking care of them in their box.    

You can also see it in the mostly younger people – whose depression has turned into anger – in the nihilistic riots of Antifa and BLM, and in the pro-Hamas thugs on campuses, and in the murderers of Charlie Kirk, and of the Christian kids in Nashville and Minneapolis. The armies of the left have been miseducated in thousands of Skinner Boxes on campuses and chatrooms, and they’ve internalized all the wrong lessons.

They see America, capitalism, free markets, stable families, and the Judeo-Christian West as oppressive forces.  They see themselves as oppressed victims, powerless in the face of a threatening, fascist omni-enemy, cowering in the corner of a small box…

Until some manipulative, authoritarian leftist leaders come forward and promise them a way out, and a moral crusade that directs their anger at a demonized enemy, and recasts their insurrectionist violence as a noble, anti-Nazi “Resistance.”

They don’t have to feel guilty when they’re assaulting cops and shooting at ICE agents who are just doing their jobs, enforcing our democratically passed laws, and wanting to go home to their families at the end of each day.  Because they’re ACTUALLY bravely stopping the Gestapo from rounding up and killing salt-of-the-earth, undocumented Americans.  

Meanwhile, we conservatives are offering them a very different way out of the Skinner Box they have been manipulated into.  We’re telling them the truth, that America is not a capitalist dictatorship, and that there is no white, patriarchal “system” that is hell-bent on keeping them down.  That this is still a land of opportunity, and that their fate is in their hands.

We’re trying to show them that the left has lied to them about the cage they’re in, and that it’s not really electrified, and that the door is open.  They can walk out any time they want, and breathe the free air, and take advantage of the possibilities and opportunities all around them. 

We’re praying that they’ll do it, for their own good, and for America’s.       

Hopefully in time for the mid-terms.  

Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!

Welcome to Psychology Corner, with Dr. Simpson (posted 10/5/25)

In a continuing series of columns featuring psychological themes, today’s topic is habituation – the process by which an organism decreases its response to any stimulus after repeated or constant exposure.

Disclaimer: I’m not a real doctor.  Unless you consider “Dr.” Jill Biden a real doctor, in which case I am the wisest, most esteemed doctor in the world, by comparison.  If you’d like to review my extensive experience with psychology, you can read my column from last Friday, now up at Martinsimpsonwriting.com.  (Summary: I’ve watched Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting and several episodes of Frasier, and I dated a few crazy young women in college – alcohol and some deceptive attractiveness was involved – before I met my smokeshow wife in grad school and became the paragon of mental health that you see before you.)

Where was I?  Oh yeah.     

Like most psychological phenomena, habituation is often functional, helping one to navigate through daily life.   For example, if you couldn’t “tune out” a loud air conditioner in your room, you’d go crazy.  If you’re in a stuffy apartment, or standing near flatulent Fang-Fang-banger Eric Swalwell, going “nose blind” to bad odors is a good thing. 

I experienced habituation from a very young age.  When I was a kid, we moved to a house that backed up to railroad tracks – the Simpsons were never far from being in a country song, as regular readers may remember from Uncle Bob’s wild ride driving a tractor with flaming tires out of a smoking barn a few months ago. 

Anyway, dad parlayed his great real estate instincts into buying a house with a train track in the back yard, and as it happened, a train came through every night at about 2 in the morning.

Because of course it did.

For the first week there, I woke up every night.  Within a month, the train never woke me up again.  

It’s a flexible phenomenon.  Big city dwellers are habituated to street noises and ambulances.  If they’re living in a one-party, Democrat-run city, they are quickly able to block out constant gunshots and pained screams of, “I’m dying!  Why do we keep voting for this sh*t?!  F**k Pritzker!” followed by agonized death rattles. 

Put that same urbanite in a rural setting – if he manages to get out past the feral violent mobs bred by leftist crime policies – and the quiet will keep him awake all night.

But sometimes, habituation becomes a dysfunctional strategy; people get used to negative circumstances, and come to accept them as normal.  When I was a kid, almost all the adults I knew smoked, and so did everyone in the movies, so when my parents gave us candy cigarettes as treats, we thought nothing of it. 

I’m not making that up, you youngsters who don’t know how good you have it, and won’t stay off my lawn.  We’d get little white candy sticks with a red tip on them, and we’d pretend to smoke them, as we prepared for an adult life of looking very cool, and then having a lung removed. 

We were habituated.

Today, poor benighted souls who live in Dem-run cities drive past miles of filthy tents, walk past hundreds of supine junkies, and hop over mounds of dirty syringes that they don’t really see.  They walk through wisps of vomit smells and clouds of slightly dissipated urine stench that they don’t really smell.  And to them, that’s just a normal Tuesday.   

They’re habituated to leftist rule.    

I thought about habituation when I saw Pete Hegseth’s speech to the assembled military brass last week.  Strong militaries thrive on functional, positive habituation.  Quality training and discipline teaches soldiers to heighten their situational awareness, while at the same time shutting out negative distractions like fatigue, pain, and emotional stress. 

Under our previous Cadaver in Chief (and several administrations before his), many elements of our military had become habituated to maladaptive behavior patterns.  Bureaucrats and social justice warriors in uniform undertook idiotic pursuits such as understanding white rage, promoting DEI, and encouraging LGBTQ recruits to join, and focused more on fetishes than fighting.  They produced recruiting videos featuring soldiers in drag, and others with a “the corporal has two mommies” theme.

They emphasized privates, more than training privates, and corporals, and sergeants.

When Hegseth came in, all service branches had been missing their recruiting goals for quite some time.  Unexpectedly!  And he has the tough job of re-habituating some of our military personnel. 

He pledged to rip out the politics, and to focus on high standards that everyone would have to meet.  “No more identity months, DEI offices, dudes in dresses, no more climate change worship, no more division, distraction, or gender delusions, no more debris….We are done with that sh*t.” 

In what a good psychologist might consider a rough translation of the kind of cognitive behavioral therapy needed to counter-act negative habituation, Hegseth said, “It’s nearly impossible to change a culture with the same people who helped create or even benefited from that culture…. An entire generation of generals and admirals were told that they must parrot the insane fallacy that, ‘our diversity is our strength.’  Of course, we know our unity is our strength.”

If you haven’t read the transcript of his speech, you owe it to yourself to do so, because it was such a bracing dose of the truth, and a roadmap to a renewed, functional military, after years of watered-down social experimentation.

Hegseth has only been in his position for 8 months, but all of the services have already reached their yearly recruiting goals.  Unexpectedly!  

Because it’s Monday, I thought I’d leave you with a couple of feel-good news stories to start your week.

It’s been fun watching the good guys start winning again in Portland and Chicago, as Trump has deployed some National Guard troops in to protect ICE agents and facilities against the violent hoards of “mostly peaceful” protestors.  Once again, the Dems have jumped onto the “10” side of a 90/10 issue.

I can’t see this ending well for them, because video is coming in daily, and showing who the good guys and the bad guys are.  And that’s going to be an easy call for most Americans.

When the antifa thugs surrounded and rammed an ICE vehicle in Chicago, agents shot Miramar Martinez, an evil hag with a history of doxxing federal agents and inciting violence against them.  Tragically, she survived the shooting, but was later arrested at a nearby hospital she had driven to for treatment. 

One of the other drivers in the attack, Anthony Ruiz, was also arrested.  Looking at his and Miramar’s mug shots puts you in mind of a dumber and less charismatic Charlie Manson and one of his homelier groupies. 

Meanwhile, in Portland another antifa idiot got a little hilarious justice, but hopefully has a lot more coming to him. Or possibly her. 

Let’s just go with “it.” 

It’s a weirdo named Seth Todd, who identifies itself online as Apollo Toad, “just a lil gay non-binary toad and proud Antifa terrorist.”  (Wait ‘til it finds out from leading Democrats that Antifa doesn’t exist, and is just an idea!)  Todd’s pic looks like either an effeminate dude or a unsettlingly butch gal; either way, you can understand why it attends protest events dressed in an inflated frog costume.

(Let’s just say that there are no princes, or princesses, or pronoun-less prince-adjacent creatures lining up to kiss this frog.) (The judges would also have accepted, “This is one froggy that’s not likely to go a-courtin’.”  Or at least not successfully.)

So Todd is toddling around outside the ICE facility with a clot of other miscreants and ne’er-do-wells and wastes of their parents’ tuition money, when a cop notices that the back of the frog costume contains a round vent with a fan drawing air into it.  So the cop gives the air vent a very hearty shot of pepper spray.

And in about three seconds, that frog started hopping like it’d never hopped before! 

I can only hope that an hour later – it’s eyes still burning and the frog costume ruined – it finally made it back to where it had parked.  Only to find that it’s car had been…wait for it… toad!

I’m here all week, people.  Happy Monday!    

Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!

Psychology Corner, + A Jihadi Named “Jihad” Can’t Stab His Way Out of Trouble (posted 10/4/25)

When I first got to college, and before I embarked on the lucrative path of majoring in English, I briefly considered majoring in psychology.  Until I learned that most psych majors – and virtually all psych professors – were as crazy as outhouse rodentia. 

That’s been my “lived experience,” anyway.

But I’ve still retained a fascination with the way the mind works, and various psychological phenomena.  My forays into thinking about politics quickly showed me how much cross-influencing goes on between psychology and politics.  (And I’m not just referring to the way that political extremists of various stripes all seem to be primarily an amalgam of various psychological dysfunctions.)

Of course I’m biased, and think that conservatives as a group are generally mentally healthier than leftists, mostly because operating with the truth at your back is a lot more conducive to life success than swimming upstream against truth, normality and the way our Maker set things up.

(Sometime soon I’m going to write about happiness studies that consistently find that conservatives are much happier than leftists.  Even though my first instinct was that such studies should be gathered in a volume called, “Duh!: A Collection of Studies Proving Things that Everybody Already Knows,” the details proved interesting, IMHO.)

After taking a few classes and reading around a lot, I think I can recognize many psychological maladies common on the left.  I’ll save some for future columns, but for now, here are two that come to mind:

1. Projection, the tendency to criticize your opponents for behavior that you actually display, is a big one.  The entire left is a pack of Pavlov’s dogs when it comes to accusing us of doing exactly what they actually do.

The most virulent whitey-haters you’ve ever seen are constantly calling us “racists” for saying such offensive things as, “Can we just stop fixating on race, and judge one another by the content of our character and not the color of our skin?”     

The same group of miscreants who spent four years using the FBI, CIA, DOJ, KGB, IRS and the Fish and Wildlife Service to go after Trump in an illegitimate effort to bankrupt him and cause him to die in jail, are now hollering “YOU’RE WEAPONIZING THE GOVERNMENT!” because the GOP is investigating Pencil-Neck Schiff and Joe Biden’s autopen.

The cabal of censors who kicked Trump off of all social media, and canceled anybody who suggested that masks might not stop covid and men can’t become women are screeching about “FREE SPEECH!” because Disney took Jimmy Kimmel’s unfunny screech-fest off the air for a few days.

The excuse-making, riot-justifying leftists who have created a permission structure for the 95% of political violence that comes from their side is clutching their pearls over the “tidal wave of right-wing violence” that is as real as Wakanda, Jasmine Crockett’s tough childhood in the ghetto, and Grandma Squanto’s full-blood Commanche maw-maw.  (#wemustneverstopmockingher)

And never forget: NOBODY IS ABOVE THE LAW!  (except for Creepy Comey, Letitia James, Tony Fauci, Lisa Cook, Hillary Clinton, Hunter Biden…)

2. This one’s a throw-away, and you’d think it would be beneath me, unless you’ve read my columns before.  But it’s one of Freud’s most controversial diagnoses: p*nis envy. 

As a college kid, I thought this one was hilarious, probably cause of an argument I saw a friend have with his girlfriend – alcohol was involved – in which he suggested that she was suffering from PE.  (Life lesson learned, vicariously: don’t offer that diagnosis to a lady unless you’ve taken a few steps back and covered your crotch with both hands first, especially if your reflexes have been slowed by a pitcher of beer.)

I wasn’t impressed by Freud, and I didn’t think PE was even a thing.  But then I saw the White Guys for Kamala… and I started looking around.  And saw Ken-Doll Newsom.  And Lil’ Davy Hogg, and Cryin’ Adam Kinzinger.   

And I thought hey, maybe Freud wasn’t wrong about EVERYthing.  But he missed one important detail, since he thought PE was a condition affecting females.  But at least when it comes to Dems, I’m not seeing it.  Because their women…don’t seem the slightest bit interested.

Michelle Obama, on the other hand, seems quite happy with hers.  So…

Okay.  If this is the first column of mine that you’ve read, right about now you might be saying to yourself, “This guy is hard to figure out.  Is he a borderline smart dumb guy, or a very dumb smart guy?  I mean, he used ‘rodentia’ correctly…but then the juvenile p*enis jokes?  What gives?” 

If that’s what you are thinking, watch me pull out of this skid by turning to one of my strong suits, which is foreign policy and international diplomacy.

For that we’ll go across the pond to England, where, since it was just Yom Kippur, there was a knife attack outside a synagogue in Manchester.  (Unexpectedly!) The murderer has been identified, and you’ll never guess which violent, Jew-hating religion he hails from.  (And if you said, “Mamdani-ism” or “Ilhan-Omarian,” or “Democrat,” you get half-credit.)

Here’s a clue.  His name, which I swear to you I am not making up, is “Jihad Al-Shamie.”  My Arabic is a little rusty, but I think that translates to, “Jihadi the Shameful.” 

Fortunately, Mr. Shameful has now been given the new middle name of “ex-“ because British cops arrived and helped him win the mosque-temperature challenge.  When the Bobbies got there, he’d stabbed at least five people, killing two, and was in the process of trying to stab a window to get into the synagogue. 

You read that correctly.  He was stabbing a window. 

Because for shameful jihadis, the answer to every question about how to behave in any given situation is always the same: stab!  Stab your way into every problem, and then stab your way back out.  If at first you don’t succeed, stab, stab again.  Stab outside the box. Stab a cold, stab a fever.  When in doubt, get to stabbin’.     

Which actually works pretty well if you’re practicing jihad in a Dem-run crime-ridden American city, where after your mass stabbing attack you’ll likely be confronted by a social worker with an armful of good intentions and a notebook full of phony gender pronouns. 

And THAT’S a situation from which you can definitely stab your way out.

Unfortunately for Stabby McShameful, the British cops who showed up were the rare ones who bring guns to a stab-fight.  As a NY Post story put it, “[The cops] gave him a couple of warnings, he didn’t listen, so they opened fire.  He started getting back up, and they shot him again.”

YES!  Cracking job, guv’ner!  Or whatever the few native Britons say in such an instance. (As best I can tell from recent reports, what they mostly say in London lately is, “Allahu akbar!”)

In other news of the Jews, I was glad to see Trump’s Peace Plan for Gaza.  It’s not the Simpson Peace Plan for Gaza, which I’ve cribbed from the Manchester plan: “Give them a couple of warnings, and when they don’t listen, open fire.  If they get back up, shoot them again.”

And I’m not glad to see it because I think it will bring peace to Gaza.  But step one is for Hamas to release all the hostages and surrender, which Hamas will never do.  (Because: Hamas!) 

When Hamas refuses, the Trump plan skips the rest of the steps and goes straight to the last step (which, if anybody had asked me, should have been the first step): Cry havoc, and let the IDF off the leash to mow through the terrorists the way JB Pritzker, Michael Moore and Rosie O’Donnell mow through a 40-foot-long, food-laden table at the International House of Pancakes.

And lo and behold, no sooner had I finished the shameful Jihadi story in the NY Post, than I saw another story about Hamas’ top military leader in Gaza, a dullard named Ezz al-Din al-Hadad.  (Arabic translation: “A waste of two hyphens.”)

Of course, “top military leader in Gaza” isn’t what it used to be, since the top six layers of military leadership in Gaza are gone, having been on the receiving end of the ol’ “kosher ka-boom” in the last couple of years.

So now they’re down to Ezzy al-Osbourne, who used to clean the latrines and manage the goat brothel for Hamas.  By the way, his picture in that story pretty much debunks the “Gazans are starving” narrative, all by itself.  Ironically enough for a Muslim, he looks a little…porky.

Anyway, he’s already calling for Hamas to reject Trump’s plan, because he wants to keep fighting. Perfect!  Bibi will give his guys a short speech which amounts to whatever is Hebrew for, “Saddle up!” 

And then Izzy can assemble his arsenal of stabbing implements and weapons-grade body odor, and the IDF can gather their war planes, tanks, drones, Uzis and big-arse Desert Eagle pistols.  

Annnndddd…then Ezzy will get to join Hasan Nasrallah and Yahya Sinwar in whichever circle of hell where all the rectal pitch-forking goes on. 

Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!

For Preventing Presidents Hillary and Kamala, I Salute Trump (posted 10/1/25)

On this first hump day of October, I want to spread good cheer by reminding everyone that within the last decade, America twice narrowly avoided catastrophe, when two of our worst politicians came way too close to the White House.

As much as I get frustrated by Trump shooting his mouth off in self-defeating ways, and as much as I wish he were a more disciplined and consistent conservative than he is, he prevented both Hillary and Que Mala Harris from being president.  And for that, I will always appreciate him, and rank him as one of America’s greatest presidents.

I took one for the team yesterday, and watched an excerpt of an MSNBC interview with Hillary.  (I don’t like to throw the word “hero” around loosely, but… you’re welcome.)

Here’s what Hillary had to say: “Caw, caw, CAW. CAW CAW CA—”

Ugh.  Sorry. I tried to listen to it, but I can’t make out anything above her fingernails-on-a-chalkboard screeching.

So here’s a transcript of what she said:

“We – and I include myself – we have GOT to stop demonizing each other.  Now, I think most of that, right now in our country’s history, is coming, you know, from the right, coming from people who want to dominate.  They want their point of view.  You know, writing out slavery from history, that doesn’t make it go away!  We’ve got to stop with the finger pointing and the scapegoating.  We can have legitimate disagreements.  I mean, how do you provide quality affordable health care to everybody….  That’s what we should be doing.  But we have to do it in the truth-based reality that we are living in.   You know, facts and evidence have to matter again.  And then we can start having good debates.”

Oh, I love that so much!  It reminds me of the great quote from snarky Mary McCarthy, when asked her opinion of playwright Lillian Helman: “I can’t stand her.  I think every word she writes is false, including ‘and’ and ‘but.’”

Hillary opens with a rare rhetorical feat, creating an oblivious-projection sandwich.

Her first sentence says we have to stop demonizing each other, and her fifth sentence says we have to stop finger pointing and scapegoating.  And in between are three sentences of 100% demonizing, finger pointing and scapegoating!  Could she possibly be any less self-aware?

And she can’t even demonize right!  She accuses the GOP of wanting to “dominate” and “have their point of view,” which is the main goal of all political parties, all the time, everywhere.  And she accuses us of “wanting to write slavery out of history,” when hers is the party of slavery, the Klan and Jim Crow.   

Then she rolls out a time-tested political cliché, calling for “good, legitimate debates” while demonstrating the kind of bad faith that precludes any such debates.

She wants to talk about how we can provide “quality, affordable health care,” even though she was cheerleading at Obama’s side as he rammed through the “Affordable Health Care Act”  fifteen years ago!  So, mission-accomplished, right?  What’s to disagree about?

She’s also all about “truth-based reality.”  You know, like when she abandoned all of those brave Americans to get murdered in Benghazi, and then when we tried to find out the truth about that, she raged, “What difference at this point does it make?! CAW! CAW!”

And she really, really wants “facts and evidence” to “matter again!”

You know, facts.  Like “I never sent or received any classified emails on my private server.” Or “I remember landing under sniper fire.”

And evidence!  Oh, how she just adores evidence.   

Like Monica’s blue dress.  And incriminating emails on a hard drive that she destroyed with bleach bit. And the receipts from when she paid to create the phony Steele dossier.

Election night 2016 was one of the happiest political nights ever, right up there with election night 2024!

Speaking of which, Kamala Harris has written a terrible book about her terrible 107-day campaign to try to become a terrible president, a fate from which a loving God saved this nation.  I have only read excerpts from that book, because I owe it to you all to protect my national treasure of a brain from the devastating damage that slogging through it would cause.

But even though I’ve only seen excerpts, I can confidently say that Que Mala did not actually write her book.  Because the sentences in those excerpts included grammar and punctuation that allowed me to recognize them as English sentences.

On the other hand, from what I could tell, the “thoughts” in the book are hers.  Because they are ridiculously deranged.  She claims that Biden was healthy enough to serve as president, but is also angry that he “selfishly” decided to run for president again. 

She says that she couldn’t pick mayor Pete as her VP because he is too gay, but then she picked the most flamboyant straight man who ever flounced his way across a stage, like a sign-language interpreter on peyote who only speaks “jazz hands.”

One of the book’s main theses (rhymes with…) was that if she had only had more time to campaign, she would have won. 

Because if there’s anything we know about Que Mala, it’s that she really grows on people, and becomes more and more impressive, the more you are exposed to her.

I’m sorry.  The sarcasm in that last sentence was so thick that I may have just given myself carpal tunnel syndrome by forcing myself to type it.      

Fortunately for me, I’m a doctor. (Of English.) And I also had a grandmother who was wise in the ways of folk medicine.  And I clearly remember her advice: Starve a cold, feed a fever, and eat ice cream and drink bourbon for carpal tunnel syndrome.  So I’ve got this, people. 

Where was I?  Oh yeah.

If you think the 107 days of Que Mala’s candidacy were long, consider this: her memoir is 300 agonizing pages!  300! 

I would rather be kicked into a bottomless well by King Leonidas than read those 300 pages. (“THIS…IS…GIBBERISH!!”) (I’ll take “timely Sparta references” for $100, Alex.)

By comparison, the four Gospels are around 300 pages, and they have parables, and beatitudes, and Jesus’ words, in sweet red lettering! 

Shane, a great novel, is only 176 pages.  Strunk and White’s Elements of Style – and, perhaps second to the gospels, Kamala REALLY needs to read that book – is less than 100 pages!

I know what you’re thinking: “Martin, there is NO WAY that Kamala’s horrific book could be any worse.”  

Au contraire, meine Freunde.  Because the sadists at Simon and Schuster have found a way to make it torture your ears, as well as your brain.  They’ve released…(dramatic pause with ominous music playing very quietly in the background)… an audio version!  [begin Kinison filter] NO! MAKE IT STOP!! GIVE ME SOME KNITTING NEEDLES SO I CAN RAM THEM INTO MY EARS! OH!  OHHHHH!!!  [end Kinison filter]

Quick quiz: Who would be the worst possible choice of all humans who have ever lived to hear reading an audio book?

  1. Stephen Hawking, with that weird robot voice.
  2. RFK Jr., with that dysphonia thing he’s got happening.
  3. Cankles McPantsuit (“Chapter 1. Caw, Caw, CAW….”)

Okay, that was a trick.  Because Simon and Schuster chose to have Kamala Harris’s Geneva-Convention-violating, crime-against-humanity of a book read by…wait for it…and I swear I am not making this up… Kamala Harris!

Ugh! Can you imagine listening to that nasal, cackling, vocal-fry of a droning aural assault on your senses for its entire running time? 

Which is ten merciless hours?!

On second thought, I’d like to buy one copy. 

And put it just outside of arms’ reach outside the bars of the Utah prison room on the day when Charlie Kirk’s murderer is facing the firing squad, ten hours before the triggers are scheduled to be pulled.  And take away his pillow, and any cloth items that he could use to hang himself.

And hit “play.”

Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!

Wondering About the Line Between Free Speech & Incitement to Violence (posted 9/29/25)

Like most Americans, I’ve been thinking a lot about free speech and its limits lately.  I wrote about hate speech a couple of columns ago, and from the comments, it sounds like most of us are on the same page about that: “hate speech” is a slippery and politicized idea that usually boils down to “speech that I hate.”  As such, hate speech laws should have no place in American politics. 

All of the lying that the elite left has done about Charlie Kirk – before and after his murder – has made that point obvious.  Most of us already thought that the next edition of the DSM would have to make room for Trump Derangement Syndrome, but I think that KDS (Kirk Derangement Syndrome) might be an even more virulent mental disorder.  Because if THAT guy could be accused of hate speech, who among us could go unscathed by that same accusation? 

Would ANY nationally prominent leftists be left standing, were that standard enforced?  Everybody who has called half the country Nazis or fascists would be out instantly.   And that’s what, 95% of them, right off the top?

That’s not to say there’s no place in a healthy society for “consequence culture.”  Normal people wouldn’t want their kids being “educated” by evil trolls who celebrated Charlie’s killing.  Nor would they want to be treated by doctors or nurses who did that, or patronize any businesses whose owners or employees did that. 

The exception to free speech protection is speech that “incites violence or poses an immediate threat to public safety.”  I’m going to read some SCOTUS precedents to get a better idea of what that looks like, but I’ve come across two much-discussed examples that I think might in the running, and I’d like to see what CO nation thinks of these.

The first comes from a popular leftist streamer named Hasan Piker, Cenk Uyger’s nephew, and a hugely popular streamer on Twitch, and also an angry, hateful leftist, IMHO.  Two particular quotes of his have been making the rounds in the wake of Charlie’s murder. 

I’ve seen the first one but haven’t been able to find any context for it, so take that into account as you read it.  (I’ve substituted a different “f” word for his favorite one.)

“I’m sick and tired of it.  Left-wingers, liberals, you need to be friending showing your opponents’ guts.  You need to be gutting them.  You need to be shanking these motherfrienders and letting their friending intestines just writhe on stage…. Slice ‘em up!  Slice ‘em and dice em’!” 

Piker says that the second one came from 2019, during a conversation about landlords in Berkeley who had decided not to rent their properties out.  (I saw a discussion elsewhere about landlords not being willing to rent their places to homeless people on city grants, but I don’t know if that’s the context here.)

“Kill those motherfrienders!   Murder those motherfrienders in the streets.  Let the streets soak in their friending red capitalist bloods (sic) dude.”  

In both of these videos, Piker appeared to be totally serious.  He was shouting and shaking his fists.  When he talked about gutting people, he made a stabbing motion with one hand.  There was no comical voice, or winking or sarcastic tone.  He came across as an enraged radical, totally sincere in his beliefs.

After Charlie was murdered and an Aussie news presenter asked him about the “kill the landlords” quote, he showed himself to be a total wuss, probably because he got some legal advice.  He waved away any assertion that his authentic-appearing rants were actually authentic.

He said, “My insincere statements don’t reflect on any of my beliefs whatsoever,” and repeatedly called his statements “obviously insincere” and “obviously hyperbolic.”

The second example comes from another popular leftist political streamer, a very unhappy dude named Stephen Bonnell II.  He has given himself the stupidly self-aggrandizing name “Destiny.”  Which I won’t use, because it’s ridiculous. 

Simpson’s First Law of Names: if you give yourself an inflated name, you’re a gigantic douche.  Examples include “Charlamagne tha God,” whose real name is Lenard Larry McKelvey.  And I sort of get it, because who wants to be called Lenard Larry, especially when your dopey parents managed to spell “Leonard” wrong?

But his nom de stupid is even worse!  It’s composed of three words, the first two of which are misspelled, and the third is blasphemous.  (So good job, Lenny!)  The offense is compounded by naming himself after a truly great Medieval character, Charlemagne. (His name is cool in at least three languages, since Charlemagne is French for Charles the Great, and his Latin name was Carolus Magnus.)         

First Corollary to Simpson’s First Law of Names: If you EARN a great name, you’re immune from charges of douchiness.  See the original Charlemagne.  Also, Alexander the Great and William the Conquerer, who were great and a conqueror, respectively. 

Sidebar: I remember that years ago, Dennis Miller (one of my comedy heroes) had a bit about the first time that Gordon Sumner showed up to the pub with his friends and said that from now on, he was going to be called “Sting.”  Miller mocks the idea, but apparently Sting was one of the rare people cool enough to pull that off.   Lenny McKelvey and Lil’ Stevie Bonnell are definitely not. 

(Even I am not.  I called myself “Martacus” as a joke, to poke fun at Cory Booker for calling himself Spartacus, and that has caught on around here a bit.  But only as a funny, self-referential goof that no one would take seriously.)

Anyway, Steve Bonnell is a big influencer on the left, and also something of a broken person.  But I repeat myself.  He’s allegedly had a disordered private life that has included allegations of bisexuality, revenge porn and two quickly failed marriages, the second of which he proudly touted as an “open” marriage to a Swedish gal… which ended when she publicly cuckolded him and left him for another guy.  Unexpectedly! 

(I know: I’m a stick-in-the-mud, 19th-century Roving Correspondent who has not kept up with the times.  But isn’t the whole point of an “open marriage” – which is to say “not a marriage” in normal-speak – that you both try to bang anything that stands still long enough?  And yet it ended badly?  Imagine that.) 

But I digress. 

After Charlie Kirk’s murder, Bonnell went on Piers Morgan’s program, and said many stupid and hateful things that do not constitute incitement of violence.  He denied that Charlie’s killer was a leftist motivated by leftism to kill him. (D’oh!) Piers asked him that if that is eventually proven, “Would you condemn that?” 

Bonnell showed who he really is: “I won’t condemn anything until the President of the United States [says that all of us need to calm down].”  Moments later, he said, “Leftists and Democrats have been condemning and turning down the temperature for a decade.  Donald Trump can’t go on tv and say all of us need to calm down.”

So obviously, Bonnell is a delusional idiot. But here is where he may have crossed a line.  On his own podcast five days after Charlie was murdered, Destiny said, “You need conservatives to be afraid of getting killed when they go to events, so that they look to their leadership to turn down the temperature.”

He also said, “If you [conservatives] wanted Charlie Kirk to be alive, Donald Trump shouldn’t have been president for his second term.” 

Clearly, both of these morons illustrate the vast moral gulf between us and them.  Hatred and anger spills out of them, as they sneer and swear and insult anyone who disagrees.  I only spent an hour looking through some of their videos to write this column, and I feel like I need a shower. 

Compare them to Charlie Kirk, whose default setting was humor and compassion and the desire for dialogue.  By now we’ve all heard the half-dozen comments of Charlie’s – cherry picked from thousands of hours of his speeches and debates – and the best they could come up with was that small number of out-of-context but logically defensible statements, and the time when he called a career violent criminal a “scumbag.”  (Fact check: true.)

Charlie at his “worst” was a million miles away from the bitter malevolence of Piker’s and Bonnell’s calls for pain, violence and death to be visited on their political opponents.

My gut instinct has been to reject calls for the government to pursue and charge people for political speech, no matter how wrong-headed or offensive their speech is.  But as the left has gotten more and more violent these last 5 years, I’m taking a second look at that question.

Both Piker and Bonnell have millions of low-IQ, socially failing leftist followers, many of them with more than a dusting of mental illness.  When Piker tells them directly to kill landlords and to disembowel their political opponents, does that constitute incitement?  When Bonnell implicitly tells them that they need to make conservatives afraid for their lives, and blames Charlie’s murder on the people who elected Trump, does that constitute incitement?

What do you think, CO nation?

Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!

Schadenfreude Reigns, as Leftist Franken-chickens Come Home to Roost (posted 9/26/25)

The theme for today’s column is that the chickens are coming home to roost for many leftists.  And these aren’t just regular chickens, which are flightless, sometimes good at tic-tac-toe, and always delicious.

No, these are a hellish hybrid – developed in Chinese labs with funding from Tony Fauci – formed by cross breeding chickens, vultures, and rabid weasels, in ungodly experiments intended to bring out the worst in all three creatures’ DNA. 

We’re talking about chickens that will peck your eyes out with no provocation, and overly aggressive vultures who will circle and try to feed on those who aren’t quite dead yet. (Like Joe Biden, or Imhotep Pelosi, or Jimmy Kimmel’s career.)  And weasels that have rabies, and a maniacal taste for human flesh.   

Experts are still debating what to name the resulting Faucen-steinian creatures.  “We-chick-tures” and “chick-vult-sels” have been suggested, but I’m leaning toward  “chick-wea-tures.” 

But no matter what you call them, they can fly, peck and bite, and their saliva is so full of rabies that you might mistake it for the saliva of Jasmine Crockett.  (Rumors that these benighted creatures also cannot conjugate the verb “to be,” despite having gone to expensive private prep schools, have not been confirmed.)

And the sky is now dark with them!  Fortunately for us, they only feed on their leftist creators.  So if you see a flock of these things descending on a clot of antifa protestors or a herd of grievance study majors, or circling a vegan café or Mamdani rally, my advice is to open some popcorn, and enjoy the carnage.

Okay, I’ll admit it.  Rather than my usual judicious sipping, I gave myself a heavy pour of the Knob Creek 9 before I started writing this evening.  Still, I stand behind that weird opening.

Anyway, the first wave of roosting chick-wea-tures have landed on the many hateful leftists celebrating Charlie Kirk’s murder who have lost their jobs as a result.  You almost have to feel sorry for them – I said “almost” – because they obviously had no idea that posting videos of their evil celebrations would come back to bite them. 

And why should they?  They’d been freely spouting the most vile hatred for years, with no repercussions.  So now they’re posting weepy Tiktok videos whining that hypocritical conservatives are supposed to disapprove of “cancel culture.” 

First, if they were at all self-aware, they’d realize that such a claim cuts both ways.  They were happy to perpetrate cancel culture against us for years, so they have no grounds to object because they’re getting their own back. 

And it’s not like we’ve changed our position; we aren’t now pushing cancel culture – only consequence culture.  We’re not trying to get people fired for a tweet they posted in high school, or to get them banned from social media or de-banked because they were right about covid, or said that chromosomes don’t exist and people can change their sex.

We’re just publicizing their repulsive tweets and videos, and as a result, normal, decent people are repulsed by their behavior, and don’t want to employ them, or work with or for them, or get medical care from them, or trust them to teach our children.

Another wave of chick-wea-tures roosting on their creators has involved numbskulls posting transparently false tweets, and instantly getting ratioed into next week.  On Monday I mentioned “JoJo from Jerz” who posted that conservatives would NEVER vote for a resolution to honor slain MN Dem Melissa Hortman… only to have thousands of readers post the unanimous GOP vote for that exact resolution in June.

The same pattern has happened with every political murderer they’ve wrongly said was a Trumpster, from Paul Pelosi’s hammer attacker (a schizophrenic hippie) to Hortman’s killer (a crazy who says he killed to help Jazz-Hands Wolz), to Charlie’s murderer, of course.

As soon as that assassination happened, thousands of lefties launched thousands of chick-wea-tures into the air, urging them to attack Turning Point and the Trump administration.  They touted the killer’s religious, conservative family and white skin as proof that he was a Christian nationalist MAGA-head. 

When word leaked about what was on the bullet casings, the flock turned and began to circle the lefty ghouls, who started to sweat.  When reports that the killer was living with a boyfriend pretending to be a girlfriend pretending to be a raccoon, one desperate leftist influencer actually posted a short video of the “roommate” snowboarding, claiming that the video proved that he obviously was NOT trans.

Now I’m not up on the athletic proclivities of eccentric sexual subcultures, but even so, I think I would have heard of some transitive property whereby 100% of the members of such a group either do or do not engage in a specific sporting activity. 

To show you how clueless I was, until recently, I naively thought it was possible that 100% of soccer players are gay.  Boy was my face red when I learned that it was only 92%!  (HA! I kid because I love.) 

Anyway, did that lefty goofball really expect us to accept a snowboarding video as dispositive proof that the killer’s “roommate” was only a roommate?  If the great film Apocalypse Now has taught me anything – and it has – it’s that Charlie don’t surf!   But now I’m supposed to believe that Tranny don’t snowboard?  Come on, man!

Then, two days ago, a sniper shot several illegal detainees at an ICE facility, and the usual lefties had their flocks in the air immediately.  “See?  Another violent right-winger, gunning down innocent undocumented victims!  Attica!  Attica!”

Annndddd… it turned out that the sniper intended to kill ICE agents, except that he was as bad at sniping as he was at thinking. 

The first clue was that he left a bullet casing engraved with “ANTI ICE.”  The second was that he left a handwritten note saying that he hoped that his attack “will give ICE agents real terror.”

Annndddd…Gavin Newsom, AOC and a thousand other elite lefties who have been calling ICE the “gestapo” and urging people to attack them were suddenly running in circles, slapping at the beaks and claws and tiny sharp teeth of their unholy creations assaulting their heads and upper bodies. 

And the hilarious, satisfying news just keeps coming.  Fani Willis’ career is in tatters, Letitia James is facing fraud allegations, and James Comey has just been indicted for obstruction and lying to congress.   Sauron Soros is under investigation for using corrupt NGOs to fund terrorist groups and, and Antifa itself is in the same boat, after years of organized violence and criminality on a massive scale.   

Abigail Spanberger, Dem candidate for VA governor, is now being hoist on her own petard (where the chick-wea-tures can feed on her flailing stupidity) because of her earlier support for allowing disordered males into women’s locker rooms and bathrooms.  Inconveniently for her, a “trans woman” who is also a registered sex offender (Unexpectedly!) and was recently caught nude and pleasuring himself in a high school girls’ locker room (Unexpectedly!) is now on trial in Arlington. 

His case is getting a lot of attention, partly because his legal strategy has included petulantly requesting that the judge force the prosecutor to stop “misgendering” him.  By calling him “him.” 

In another case of “you can definitely judge a book by its cover,” his mug shot looks exactly like you’d expect it to look.  Also, the name of this super-creepy sex offender who insists that he’s not male is – and as God is my witness, I am not making this up – “Richard Cox.” 

If this were a South Park episode or a bit on Gutfeld, they would not dare name a male pervert who thinks he’s a pervertress “Dick Cox.”  (And if any of you even thought of a joke involving the chances of the VA jury allowing Dick Cox to get off in this trial, or of his getting his comeuppance, I am VERY disappointed in you.)

How would you like to be Spanberger about now?  With the election less than two months away, and Virginia still being a blue state, Richard Cox has now reared his ugly head (stop it!), to make the polls closer than they should be.  (And if the VA GOP isn’t busily printing “Spanberger/Dick Cox ’25!” bumper stickers right now, they’re leaving money on the table!)

Finally, no column about self-inflicted leftist wounds would be complete without mentioning the latest tale of Trump recommending – based on multiple respectable medical studies – that pregnant women not take Tylenol, because of the potential risk of neurological damage, including autism, to their babies.

So, of course, a bunch of TDS-suffering pregnant liberal women take to TikTok, posting videos of themselves guzzling Tylenol, just to spite Trump.  Good lord!  If it wasn’t so sad that their unborn children might pay the price for their idiocy, it would be hilarious. 

Some high-minded conservatives have suggested that Trump use the power that these numbskulls have given him over their behavior for their own good, but putting out a Truth Social proclaiming that he wants all leftist women to get abortions immediately. 

Within three months, Planned Parenthood would go out of business!

But I am much more juvenile than many of my fellow conservatives.   (You probably haven’t noticed.)  So I found myself thinking that Trump should release the following video:

“I want to speak directly to the liberal lunatic ladies out there.  I’ve heard rumors that many of you are thinking about defying me and my fantastically successful agenda – so fantastic! – by getting face tattoos that say either “MAGA” or “TRUMP ’28!”  Frankly, that is a terrible idea, and I’m appointing Tom Homan and Matt Gaetz to head up a task force to find ways to make it illegal.  I’m going to sign an Executive Order tomorrow afternoon, and I will then fast-track that to SCOTUS.  I’m calling it “The Trump Forces Ugly Liberal Women to Maintain Tattoo-free Faces Act.”

In conclusion, as your favorite president – and frankly, your daddy – I explicitly forbid you to get a Trump face tattoo.  Thank you for your attention to this matter.”

Within a month, our blue cities and states would be lousy with blue-haired, dim-witted, snarling mini-Mike Tysons.  And young men who are looking to find a good woman to marry and start a family with would be able to spot the blue-haired red flags a mile away.

You’re welcome, America.  And have a good weekend. 

Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!

The Good, the Bad, and the Moron of the Month Nominees (posted 9/24/25)

On this hump day, I want to mention a few highlights from Charlie’s memorial service and from the week that Trump is having, and offer a couple of contenders for “Moron of the Month.”

I only watched excerpts from Charlie’s memorial so far – it’s all still too raw for me, so when I find myself getting too sad or too angry, I turn to other things – but I liked what I saw.  There were some politics, of course, but more faith, and I’m sure that’s a balance that Charlie would approve. 

Both testaments were well represented by the speakers.  Marco Rubio, JD Vance and Erika Kirk had the New Testament covered.  I continue to be more and more impressed by Marco and JD, and they both did what one of my old pastors used to say was his main job: preaching Jesus Christ, and Him crucified.  I’ve known about JD’s faith before, but I didn’t know Marco had that in him, so good on both of them.

And of course Charlie’s widow showed stunning grace when she forgave Charlie’s killer, while some of us are still looking into how one might volunteer to be a government rifleman in Utah for any future executions that might come up.  (I for one wasn’t asking for a friend.)

But the OG testament also had a few proponents.  Stephen Miller gave a barnburner, dishing out the brimstone on the malevolent leftists who cheered Charlie’s death with his, “You are nothing!  We are the ones who build; you can do nothing!” oration.

On his podcast, Michael Knowles shared that a non-Jewish friend of his, after Miller spoke, leaned over and said, “Man, the Jews can REALLY do that Old Testament stuff!” 

But the best Old Testament touch came from Trump, in probably the most controversial moment of the night.  I am far from an always-Trumper, but I believe that most of Trump’s detractors only pretend to be offended by him when he’s clearly joking. 

Trump’s delivery was perfect when he said, “He did not hate his opponents, he wanted what was best for them.  That’s where I disagreed with Charlie.  I HATE my opponents, and I DON’T want what’s best for them, I’m sorry.  I’m sorry Erika…. But I can’t stand my opponents.”  The crowd laughed, and then Trump smiled and pointed upwards and said, “Charlie’s angry.  Looking down, he’s angry at me now.” 

That was so obviously a joke, and a self-deprecating one, and it relieved some of the tension in the room the way loving jokes about the departed often do at a wake or a funeral.  Trump’s enemies – and some Christians (who take themselves too seriously, IMHO) – might not think it was funny, or appropriate, but I don’t believe them when they breathlessly claim that he was seriously proclaiming hate.

Even beyond the memorial service, some prime Trump was served up this week.  Between blowing up a fourth boat full of drugs and gang-bangers and dressing down the wretched hive of scum and villainy that is the UN, Trump is in full FAFO mode. 

And also DGAF mode.  And also “FYATHYRIO” mode.  (Okay, that last one’s a little clunky.  But it ends with “and the horse you rode in on.”) 

I hope that Trump will just take the next step, and pull us out of the UN entirely.   They let literal terror states and commie gulag states (like Afghanistan, Cuba, etc.) sit on the Human Rights Commission, and they censure and condemn Israel more than all other countries combined.  So let’s just give them their eviction notice and one month to vacate the HQ in NYC, and then announce that Trump has commandeered the building to be his Presidential Library.  (Even if he didn’t follow through, it would be hilarious to watch the top of leftist heads blow off all over the country!)

If we need a formal association of nations to do what the UN was originally supposed to do, we can form a new one.  Call it the Justice League, or something equally guaranteed to enrage the bad guys, and limit membership to worthy allies.   If your nation is run by mullahs, commies or dictators, don’t bother applying. 

Without further ado, here are three nominees for Moron of the Month:

1. Many numbskulls compared Jimmy Kimmel’s temporary suspension to Charlie Kirk’s assassination, as equally threatening to free speech.  Georgia Democrat Senator John “he really p*sses” Ossoff was amongst the worst, calling both the murder and the suspension “completely unacceptable.” 

Good lord!  To call that an “apples and oranges” comparison is an insult to both fruit and analogies.  They’re not apples and oranges, you idiots!  They’re apples and ocelots.  Or apples and tectonic plates. 

Or apples and whatever object in the universe is the most metaphysically opposite of apples, ever!

2.  I didn’t see Rachel Maddow’s interview with Que Mala Harris about her terrible book, because I have a life to lead.  But I did see a few excerpts from it on a conservative site, because I need a daily dose of schadenfreude-tastic entertainment.  

Apparently her book trashes the entire Democrat establishment, blaming everybody but herself for her humiliating loss last year.  In one particularly fun excerpt, the human word-salad-shooter accidently said the stupid part out loud, saying that she wanted to pick Mayor Pete as her VP candidate, but she couldn’t, because Americans won’t vote for gay people.

I know what you’re thinking: So she chose that paragon of masculine straight-ness, “Jazz Hands” Wolz instead??  Brilliant!

Anyway, it was fun to be reminded of the incompetent bullet we dodged last November.  Maddow asked her about not picking Mayor Pete, and the exchange was classic Que Mala: 

Maddow said, “To say that he couldn’t be on the ticket effectively because he was gay was hard to hear.”

Harris responded, “No, no, no.  That’s not what I said, that that’s, that he couldn’t be on the ticket because he is gay.” 

Then she served up this word side-salad:  “My point in, as I write in the book, is that I was clear that in 107 days, in one of the most hotly contested elections for president of the United States, against someone like Donald Trump, who knows no floor … to be a black woman running for president of the United States and, as a vice presidential running mate, a gay man, with the stakes being so high, it made me very sad. But I, I also realized, it would be a real risk.”

(For the grammarians among you, that’s at least 10 interrupting prepositional phrases – I stopped counting when the migraine hit – that separate the two parts of what passes for the main thought in that sentence: “My point is, it made me very said.”)

So… she definitely did NOT say that he couldn’t be on the ticket because he is gay, but then she explained why he couldn’t be on the ticket.  Because the stakes were high.  And it would be risky. And he’s very gay.  And that makes her sad.

Oof.  It’s almost like everybody can understand why, after those 107 fateful days, she got her arse beat like it hadn’t been beaten since she and Willie Brown were role-playing “naughty cheerleader gets sent to the principal’s office” during her job interview way back in the day.

Oh, sorry.  Trigger warning.  And gag-reflex warning.

My bad.

But in case you were thinking that nobody could possibly have said anything dumber than that this month, hold on to your hat, and your nomination ballot, because I give you:

3. JoJo from Jerz, a bile-filled far-left internet-botherer (but I repeat myself) who is well known for posting very stupid and hateful things.  For example, the morning after Charlie Kirk was murdered, she posted, “Things feel very dark in America this morning.  Very, very dark.”

Sorry, that wasn’t the morning after Charlie was killed; it was the morning after Jimmy Kimmel was suspended.   Because nothing says “dark night of the soul” like a rich, hateful, unfunny comedian getting a forced week off, I guess. 

But that’s not why she’s in the running for Moron of the Month.  She earned that dishonor by trying to defend the mean-spirited and politically tone-deaf Dems in the House who voted against a resolution to honor Charlie Kirk’s life.  To do so, she followed the time-honored tradition of changing the subject from bad leftist behavior to smearing alleged (or even hypothetical) bad behavior by the GOP.

But she did it in the most hilariously self-owning, rake-stomping way possible.

Saith the jerk from jerz: “Senate Democrats should introduce a ‘Melissa Hortman day of remembrance’ and see if Republicans object to it.”  And then hit “send,” and sneered, and picked up her second box of wine of the morning, I’m guessing.  

Hortman was the little-known Minnesota Democrat politician who was murdered this past summer.  For the record, no conservatives had spent the last several years demonizing her as a fascist Nazi who deserved to die, and the nut who killed her said that he did so because Tim Walz wanted him to. 

But Jojo was holding onto a box of wine with one hand, and the slanderous lie that Hortman was killed by MAGA with the other, and she thought she had really dropped a truth and logic bomb on the hypocritical conservative scum who know damn well that they would NEVER vote for a resolution honoring a murdered Democrat!     

Annnndddd…it turns out that a resolution to honor Hortman and condemn political violence WAS introduced in the Senate in late June.

Annnndddd…nobody in the GOP protested it, or voted “present” or “nay.” 

That’s right, the GOP UNANIMOUSLY voted for the resolution! 

Because (D)emocrats (D)o it (D)ifferently.  

And we’re not like them.

Rumors that JoJo ordered a new computer that day, after the previous one was drenched in a ginormous, comical spit-take of Costco Cabernet have not been confirmed.

Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!

Erika Kirk is Better than Me, and Trump is on a Roll vs. Drug Runners (posted 9/22/25)

Reason #135 why Erika Kirk is a better person than me: at Charlie’s memorial service, she forgave his murderer.  Which is an amazing and Christ-like thing to be able to do. 

I aspire to that kind of grace, but even though I never met Charlie, and can’t possibly feel his loss anywhere near as strongly as she does, I’m not close to being there yet.  In fact, last week I did some research to make sure that Utah still uses the firing squad for executions (they do, though lethal injection is their first choice, unless they can’t obtain the necessary drugs, which is often the case).

And if that’s not the perfect execution method for this coward – in a “live by the long gun, die by the long gun” sort of way – I don’t know what is.  Utah uses 5 riflemen (one with a blank in his gun) to carry out executions, and they pin a little target over the criminal’s heart beforehand.

I’d like to see a guy accidently go to pin the target on the killer’s crotch, then go, “Oh, my mistake.  I’m sure we’ll all be aiming for your heart.”  And then wink at the guy.  And possibly lean over and whisper to him, “You know that the real-life fascists are totalitarians who kill people for speaking out against them, right?  So Charlie was the anti-fascist, and you are the actual fascist.” 

And then maybe he could show the guy his bullet, into the casing of which he had carved, “No, YOU catch, fascist!”

And if he were really cool, the rifleman could re-enact one of my favorite scenes from the great, Elmore Leonard-inspired tv series Justified.  He could hold a bullet out in front of him, and drop it into the creep’s lap, and then say, “The next one’s gonna be coming a little faster.”

I also wouldn’t be disappointed if all four initial bullets missed the killer’s heart.  Maybe one could hit each knee, and one the groin?  And how cool would it be if the fourth one took off a bunch of his ear?  Then, while the riflemen waited a while for somebody to go find four more bullets, they could have a loud conversation that my conical purple wizard hat tells me would go like this:

Riflemen (RF) 1:  Wow, what are the odds that we’d all miss his heart?

RF 2: I know, right?  And now we have to wait until someone can walk slowly to the armory and try to scrounge up some more bullets, while this guy bleeds profusely.

RF 3: And whoever shot him in the groin?  Talk about “aim small, miss small!”

RF 4:  Taking off his ear was a pretty weird shot too.  Why does it ring a bell, somehow?

RF 5 (snapping his fingers): I’ve got it!  That’s where this creep’s leftist co-religionist shot Trump, who is coincidentally also another anti-fascist.  (And then all five of them could give the bleeding coward a long, dirty look.)

And, scene. 

So…yeah.  Erika Kirk is an amazing person.  And I’ve got a lot of work to do on that “forgive your enemies” part of my faith.

In other news, I haven’t commented on a lot of good things that have been going on, since I’ve been so preoccupied with the Charlie assassination story.  I think CO and others have rightly pointed out some wrong moves that Trump has made recently, but overall, I think he’s still mostly on a roll, and I’d like to start the week off with a few of those. 

I’m really glad that Trump is now looking into using RICO laws to go after Antifa.  I’ll talk more about that in a future column, but for now I’ll just say that this is one more thing that Trump is doing that conservatives have dreamed about for years, but had given up on ever seeing come to fruition.  

Ending the federal Education Department was another one of those.  That department wasn’t in the constitution or any founding documents – it had only been created in the 1970s, for crying out loud!  And it obviously didn’t do anything worthwhile: it didn’t train teachers, or improve curricula, or raise test scores. What it did do was fill up a huge building on some expensive real estate in DC, and employ an army of six-figure educrats who produced nothing of value.

Another former pipe dream had been the defunding of NPR and PBS.  Another was building a border wall.  And now those three things are a reality, along with a lot more.

Another great recent development has been Trump’s blowing up one drug-running boat full of fentanyl after another.  There have been three of them so far, and they are awesome for many reasons:

1. They involve exciting videos with a chase scene that ends in a dramatic explosion. 

2. They represent a lot of deadly drugs that will never make it to our shores, and a dramatic lesson for would-be Venezuelan drug runners watching their buddies get blown up on tv.

3. They also gave the usual suspects on the left the opportunity to display their own moral imbecility.  The same talking heads and pols who could barely muster any concern for Charlie Kirk after he was murdered were full of grave pronouncements about the illegality and horror of those poor drug traffickers, gone too soon.  What about due process, and their now fatherless children?  Who is going to teach those youngsters the ins and outs of lethal drug running? 

Oh, won’t someone think of the future gang-banging, American-murdering children?!

4. There’s a pretty good chance that my high school Spanish is failing me.  (The main thing I remember is, “Silencio por favor, Martino.”  Which I think means, “You’re doing a great job, Martin!  Keep it up.”)  But I’m pretty sure “agua” means water.  And you can’t spell “Tren de Aragua” without “agua.” 

So unless I’m mistaken, “Tren de Aragua” means “burial at sea, under mucho agua.”  Which is perfect, because lately, the most common last words for predatory Venezuela criminals have been, “Ay, dios mio!  Glug glug glug.”   

Finally, I am all-in on Trump’s decision to change the name of the Defense Department to the War Department.  The leftist establishment reacted in two equally wrong ways: some of them said that this was the end of the world, and the rest said that it was just a meaningless semantic change, and so why was Trump wasting his time doing it?

The second group is just wrong.  Names of things are important, and often represent ideological battles lost or won.  Many times, giving something a name that sticks represents a stolen rhetorical base that shapes everything that comes afterward.

For example, both parties try to give every bill they pass a name with positive connotations.  If you call an obscenely bloated, propagandistic spending bill “The Inflation Reduction Act,” many stupid people will not notice that it inevitably causes inflation to skyrocket. 

If you name a quintessentially fascist group – one whose members form “black blocs” of armed thugs and carry out organized violence campaigns to coerce and intimidate citizens – a name like “antifa” (anti-fascist), very, VERY stupid people will cite that name to hold that group blameless.   (I’m looking at you, Don Lemon.)

I could go on and on.  “Planned Parenthood” is dedicated to wiping out parenthood.  The “American Civil Liberties Union” is hostile to the civil liberties of one half of the country.  “The View” is hosted by a bunch of arousal-killing harridans wearing ideological blinders producing a Ray Charlesian political blindness.

So yes, the War Department sends a very different message from the Defense Department.  I understand why the change was originally made: we are not the typical kind of empire that grinds its enemies underfoot, enslaves the defeated peoples, and claim their lands as our own subjugated provinces. 

We won WWII with a War Department, and afterwards, as we looked at Japanese cities that were glowing, and German cities that were smoking, we figured we’d made our point.  So we switched to “Defense Department.”

Self defense is – or at least used to be! – universally recognized as a legitimate right of all nations.  And we wanted to be thought of as a nation that doesn’t start wars, but will sure as hell end them!  Which was good, as far as it went.

But “defense” just doesn’t get the point across the way “war” does. 

Would Shakespeare’s speech by Marc Antony stir us the way it does if it went, “Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of defense!”?  Would World War I carry the same emotional weight if it were called, “The Great Defense,” or “The Defense to end all Defenses?” 

Is anybody going to read “Defense and Peace?”  Would anybody be intimidated by a cigar-chomping general growling that “Defense is hell!” 

Would Isaiah’s dream connote the same promise if he looked to the day when we “beat our swords into plowshares, and study defense no more?”

To summarize the difference between “defense” and “war:”

Joe Biden claimed to be “defending” America from drug trafficking, and that took the form of ushering unvetted traffickers across our border, with a “save the date” government form asking them to show up for a court hearing in 5 years.

But Trump is waging a WAR on drug traffickers. 

And that looks a speed boat racing across the water, before being hit by a Hellfire missile and turned into a flaming wreck, while its gang-banger crew cartwheel into the water missing a few limbs, crying, “Ayieee!  Why didn’t I join Tren de dry land?!”

Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!

Three Typical Bad Ways to React to an Assassination, & Some Life Advice (posted 9/19/25)

I was about to open this column by congratulating myself for writing 5 consecutive columns this week, and proclaim myself a national treasure. 

Then I remembered that within 13 years, Charlie Kirk started several of the most successful political operations in American history, flew a billion miles while producing probably 10,000 hours of public speeches and debates, had a wildly popular podcast and radio show, landed a great wife and fathered two kids, and made himself the most influential political figure with young people in the entire country, all while educating himself on the Western canon, the Bible, and the most significant philosophical and political issues of the day in his “spare” time.

But back to me: I mocked some leftists and channeled a little Sam Kinison, and misspelled “Sydney Australia” and “champagne.”  So I’ve got that going for me. 

Anyway, I thought I’d ease into the weekend by discussing a few of the leftists whose behavior these last 10 days has been repellent, but in ways that fit very common cultural patterns.  I was going to start with Ilhan Omar (#jihadenthusiast, #getyourhandsoffyourbrother) and her terrible interview with Mehdi Hassan, but I already got to that yesterday.

If you haven’t read that column, get on it.  (I mean, drop everything, and scroll down this page to see it, or find it at Martinsimpsonwriting.com)  But I pointed out she did the very common leftist move of smearing conservatives and conservatism without offering any evidence for her slanders, or else wildly distorting what the conservative actually said.

You know the pattern.  You say, “Men can’t become women.”  And Crazy-Eyes McGender Studies howls, “So you’re for transgenocide!  You want all the transgenders genocided!!”

So I’ll move on to three examples, picked from a very crowded field of contenders, each of which illustrates one of the most common bad traits of leftism.

First up is Hypocrisy, so let me introduce you to Canadian cabinet minister Nahanni Fontaine.  Right after Charlie was murdered, she posted a vile tweet that almost reads like a parody of leftist hatred, calling him all the usual names: “racist, xenophobic, transphobic, islamophobic, sexist, white nationalist mouthpiece.”  (And a partridge in a pear tree.)  She also accused him of “standing for nothing but hate.”

So far, so typical.  In any politically healthy country, such a heartless post would mean that Fontaine blew it.  (Stupid dad joke for 100, Alex!)  But this was Canada, so nobody knew what to expect.

But even amongst the enervated castrati Canucks, there was enough outrage to produce a video compilation of Fontaine’s past self-righteous statements, which included nearly a dozen repetitions of the sentence, “When someone shows you who are they, believe them.”

This was delivered in such a tone of smug self-righteousness that gag reflexes were triggered all over America’s evil top hat, I’m guessing.

But despite the fact that Fontaine’s vile post had just definitively shown everyone exactly who she was, she tried to convince them not to believe her, by posting the most transparently false statement since Slick Willy told us that he did not have sex with that woman.

She released an “apology” that said, “Violence has no place in our democracy…. In a world too often divided, we should strive to show empathy to everyone, even those we didn’t agree with.” 

Instead of saying, “Yes, we should.  And you did the opposite of that.  So hit the snowbank,” – Or whatever Canadians say instead of “hit the bricks,” – her hypocritical and false apology was accepted, and she kept her job.

Because: Canada.

The second bad leftist trait is arrogance, and that was very well personified in the person of George Abaraonye (and that’s the last time I’ll spell his last name correctly, because it’s not worth wasting time to look it up again).  He is the incoming president of the Oxford Union, the elite debating society that I wrote about in Tuesday’s column. 

Charlie Kirk put in a very strong performance there a few months ago, which I recommend that everyone watch if you’re a fan of intellectual jousting, and one of his opponents was this George Abalone.  He was the least impressive of the Oxfordians. 

The other debaters and the audience dressed informally but normally, but Mr. Abu Dhabi couldn’t manage that.  He showed up in slippers, sweat pants, a black t-shirt and dreads(!)  He was also not particularly articulate, which one would think might come in handy if you were engaging in a…DEBATE AT OXFORD FREAKIN’ UNIVERSITY! OH! OHHH!!!

Sorry, my latent Kinison reflex has been kicking in a lot lately. 

Anyway, George Abracadabra tried to make a muddled argument about patriarchal gender roles that I think he meant as a passive-aggressive suggestion that Charlie’s traditional views are sexist and icky.  Charlie responded that males are actually denigrated in elite circles today, and challenged him about the use of the phrase “toxic masculinity.”

Abercrombie responded with a little word salad to the effect that toxicity is inherent in maleness.  When Charlie asked him why no one condemns toxic femininity, Alcazar said that comes from patriarchy’s terrible effects on women.  So both forms of gender toxicity arise from the same issue, I guess, which is that males suck. 

When Charlie asked why, if males are so all-powerful, the male suicide rate in the (feminized/feminist) West is higher than ever before, and higher than the female rate, Abbadabadoo stuttered around, and then said, “Austerity.”

So Charlie pointed out that men throughout impoverished Africa – where most are married with children but dirt poor – have wildly lower suicide rates than those of the affluent, lefty, beta-male onanists in London.  (I’m paraphrasing.)   There was no cognizable answer from slipper boy.     

Overall, George Alopecia displayed the familiar unearned, undeserved and entitled arrogance of a callow youth who’s been pampered in a left-dominated bubble his whole life.  There were several other people of color among the debaters, and they were sharp, but George had “DEI hire” written all over him. 

So you won’t be surprised to learn that when the news of Charlie’s murder broke – just a few months after Charlie had politely and respectfully outclassed George in a civilized debate – he posted two messages saying, “Charlie Kirk got shot, let’s f**king go!” and “Loool!”  

John Fetterman’s stroke turned him into a much smarter and better man.  I hope that a stone gargoyle falls off a wall onto George Apocalypto at Oxford, and does the same for him.

Finally we have the character deformation centered around Gender Madness, and for this one, the obvious candidates are Charlie’s killer and his disturbed boyfriend.

Media reports have informed us that the boyfriend “identified as a male at birth,” but now “identifies as female” and is “transitioning into a female.” 

Annndddd… strike three! 

We don’t really need to beat this dead, gender-fluid horse again, do we?  No one “identifies” as male or female at birth; they are born either male or female.  I can say that I identify as the Obama Presidential Library, but that doesn’t make me an ugly architectural monstrosity crammed with dishonest documents. 

And when you translate “a male transitioning into a female” from delusion-speak to reality-talk, it becomes “a male undergoing damaging mutilations and/or chemical interventions to transition into a male who more closely resembles an unattractive female than he used to.”

But it wasn’t sad enough that Lance was struggling with gender dysmorphia.  (By the way, he renamed himself “Luna.”  Because of course he did.) He had to throw the weird fetish of being a “furry” – someone who gets sexual gratification from dressing up in animal costumes – into the mix, too.

Now I am generally not one to judge people harshly about sexuality.  Sexual attraction is powerful, and its influence has made fools of all of us at some time in our lives.  It’s also frustratingly irrational.  In addition to the common attractions to one of several main body parts, many people are wildly attracted to more eccentric parts, for example. 

Victorian men could apparently be wildly turned on by a woman’s exposed ankle.  Some people today are enthralled by feet, which is idiotic.  (Simpson’s First Rule of Human Behavior: Any attraction that I don’t share is by definition “idiotic.”)  Shortly after I met my smokeshow wife, she put her hair up on a hot day, and I discovered that the nape of her neck is extremely alluring.

That’s not idiotic.  (See the rule explained above.)  But it is definitely irrational.  Who watches women walk by and thinks, “Mmmmm, look at the cervical vertebrae on her!”? 

Perhaps I’ve said too much.

Anyway, I was born in the late 19th century.  (Central Illinois in the 1960s and ‘70s was exactly the same as in the 1880s, but with cars instead of horses.)  So I tend toward the traditional, and am not wild about needless change.  My wife has pointed out that one of the most common phrases she’s heard from me in recent years is, “Is X broken?”

For example, when millions of phantom votes appeared in electronic voting tallies for Joe Biden, I said, “Are paper ballots broken?”  When parents started steering their young boys into playing soccer, I said, “Is football broken?”  When eccentrics started getting iguanas and Vietnamese pot-bellied pigs as pets, I said, “Are dogs broken?”

So the first time a tv news story came on about a furry convention, I turned to my wife.  But before I could say anything, she said, “Wait, let me guess,” and jumped up and started walking around the room, waving her arms and talking in a fake deep voice in a completely inaccurate impression of me.

“Is sex broken?  Does the missionary position or reverse cowgirl no longer work?  Do people have to dress up like raccoons and pandas? Are lingerie and French maid costumes no longer available?”

Or at least I think that’s what she was saying.  Honestly, I was too distracted by the slender, adorable back of her neck to follow.  

Perhaps I’ve said too much, again.

Where was I?  Oh, yeah.

Take it from 19th Century guy: Nothing good is going to come from spending your life online, developing a bunch of fetishes and making up fake genders and connecting to other confused people even more depressed and unmoored than yourself, enslaving yourself to benighted urges, and politics, and the toxic and disordered spirit of the age.  

That road leads to a life deformed by immiserating lies. Lies like, “Your country is evil, and must be destroyed to produce something better.” And “There is no God, and no moral order beyond your own desires.” And, “Why can’t a guy have a healthy, normal relationship with his boyfriend who is pretending to be a girlfriend who is pretending to be an enormous squirrel?”     

It’s not too late to reject all that.  Turn your back on racial and class hatred, and Bluesky, and the politics of envy, and politicians who feed your resentments and tell you you’re a victim. 

Get outside and touch grass, and make friends, and go to church.  Read some Thomas Sowell, and Shakespeare, and CS Lewis.  Watch some Charlie Kirk videos, and listen to some good music.  Fall in love with a good person and get married and have kids.

That’s going to take you to a very different place than those lonely rooftops in Butler, PA and Orem, UT, or those Christian schools in Tennessee and Minnesota where those lost souls gave in to their dark temptations and opened fire.    

Because the cardinal virtues aren’t broken.  But leftism and fighting reality are.

Hamas and Trantifa delenda est!