Tag: Politics

What a day, CO nation! Trump won the electoral college, and he won the popular vote.  He even won white suburban women.  And more blacks and Hispanics than any other GOP candidate in history!

We’ve got the Senate, and most hopefully the House too, if only by a bit.  It’s going to be a great Thanksgiving, and a happy Christmas.  Our long national nightmare is just about over! 

I slept about 3 hours last night, and I’m still feeling a little bit hungover, but not in a bad way.  I’d say the issue is about 10% bourbon, 50% relief, and 40% schadenfreude.  And now that I’m retired and don’t have to go into work, I’m going to try to keep nursing all three of those into and through this coming weekend, at least!

Here’s my soundtrack for the last 16 hours: “Here Comes the Sun” (because you have to have some Beatles) Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah (from when Disney was Disney), “I Should Have Known It” (Because: Tom Petty.  Also, that guitar lick, the bald brother on drums, and the message to the Dems: “It’s over now you see?  It’s the last time you’re gonna hurt me!”).

And Ray Charles and the Voices of Jubilation Singers doing “Oh Happy Day.” Because: Ray Charles in a leisure suit/tux, a Yamaha keyboard, and a crowd of dashikis backing him up.  As a Christian, the lines, “Oh happy day, oh happy day, when Jesus washed my sins away,” are always going to resonate with me. 

Also, is it a coincidence that “when Jesus washed the Dems away” also fits the rhyme scheme there?

It is not.

At the beginning of the night, I was so nervous that I took Cassie the Wonder Dog for her evening walk earlier than usual.  Then, when some of the early returns were not looking so great, I took another long walk. 

Then I walked the floors a lot while I was on the phone and/or texting with a cousin, an old buddy from grad school, and even the great and powerful CO himself.   (My favorite line of his was when he described the atmosphere on MSNBC as “Shakespearean despondency filtered through a membrane of bitterness!”) 

So I managed to get my 6000 daily steps in.  And then 14,000 more!

And sometime around 11 o’clock, when it was clear that things were going our way, I began to relax, and started with the celebratory bourbon.  Around 2:00 a.m., after Pennsylvania was called and Trump had won, I took another long walk, during which I prayed and whistled and smelled some very nice, late-flowering night-blooming jasmine in the neighborhood.

I walked past some of the Harris/Walz and “We love abortion!” yard signs in the surrounding blocks.  I stopped next to them, in case Cassie needed to relieve herself.  But because she’s too classy for that – and also a female – she declined to raise a leg on them.  

I considered doing that myself, but because I am too classy for that – and also because I’d gone before I left the house – I refrained.

And now I’ve spent the whole day flipping back and forth between news channels and making the rounds of my favorite websites, soaking in the good news, and savoring the defeat of those bad actors who sorely needed defeating. 

There’s so much news out there that we’ll all be digesting it in the coming days, so I thought I’d just do a little freestyle rambling about what has caught my attention so far…

I love that the Obamas have been smacked down and thwarted!  Some black commentators on the lefty channels criticized Barack for scolding black males for not coming out for the Empty Pantsuit.  His creepy invocation of the “fine people on both sides” lie on the eve of the election richly merited the comeuppance he got.  And Michelle’s angry closing speech repulsed everyone who wasn’t already in her camp.

But Barack’s a dishonest racial arsonist, and liars gonna lie.  And the Scowling Wookie’s gonna scowl!  And it availed them nothing!  HA!

Even though the popular vote is electorally irrelevant, I’m really glad that Trump won it.  The Dems made a big deal in 2016 about the “unfairness” of him winning the election despite Hillary getting more votes than him.  And for low-info voters who don’t understand the electoral college, I can understand their frustration.

But with Trump winning the popular vote, they can’t lie about how they “really won,” or his victory wasn’t legitimate.  (Even though many of them still will.)  

Their white-hot hatred of Trump makes their defeat even sweeter!  They’ve been calling him a Nazi moron and a misogynist half-wit fascist, not to mention a Satanically evil yet cartoonishly incompetent buffoon, while at the same time a grave threat to democracy.  They say he’s a rapist and a convicted felon, and the worst president in our country’s history.

And yet, when the American public looked at him, and then at Kamala, they said, “We’ll take felon, rapist, Satan-Hitler, please.”

There hasn’t been a popular democratic choice so humiliating since the 15^th century, when Romanians – faced with the choice of living under the rule of Ottoman Muslims or local prince Vlad the Impaler, model for Bram Stoker’s Count Dracula – chose Vlad!

Got that, Democrats?  We’d rather elect Orange “Don the Impaler” Dracula than the Cackler and the Knucklehead!        

Also, how great is it that in a year when the entire Democrat party pinned their hopes on a titanic uprising among women voters – whom they assured us were super-motivated to retain the right to kill their children up until their second trimester in kindergarten – Donald Trump became the president who defeated BOTH of the “first female president” candidates? 

I haven’t seen anyone beat two women that badly since that tranny Algerian guy in the Olympics! (Which the leftist commentariat supported by the way, so spare me the “we care about women!” talking point.)

Ooh, that reminds me of a story about that guy, which I swear I am not making up.  A French hospital released a report on Monday claiming that he’s got XY chromosomes, internal testicles and a “micro-penis.” 

Now that I’ve written that, I can’t give you the pop quiz question I thought of last night after my second bourbon:

Who reportedly has internal testes and a micro-penis?

A.  Algerian “female” boxer dude

B. Tim Walz (when Minnesota still hadn’t been called by 11:00 p.m.)

C. Doug Emhoff (when Que Mala found out about the nanny)

D. Poor Adam Kinzinger  

Answer: Yes.

One other activity I’m enjoying today is revisiting all those who predicted that Kamala would win this election.  Even some members of CO nation – you know who you are! – seemed confidently pessimistic that Orange Man was no match for the tag team of Empty Woman and the Meretricious Media.   

Wrong celebrities are even more fun.  Old Snakehead Carville promised that Kamala would whip Trump.  Whoopi Goldberg – I loved her in Ghost (“Molly, you in danger, girl!”) and when she was the Predator in that Schwarzenegger movie – introduced Kamala for her fateful interview on The View as “the next President of the United States!”

But the most entertaining errors come from the pollsters who botch their predictions.  Kamala fans got a confidence boost from Ann Selzer’s poll for the Des Moines Register on Sunday that showed Trump losing Iowa by 3 points.  That pollster and poll are “the gold standard,” we were told.

And then… Trump wins Iowa by 13.  So close! 

I could throw a dart at a board, even after three bourbons, and land on a number closer to the real vote total than that!  I mean sure, I might miss the dartboard the first time or two.  But that third throw would come closer than 16 points off! 

But my favorite inaccurate pollster story this time involves academic nerd Allan Lichtman, the very confident inventor of what he calls the “’13 Keys’ System.”  His keys don’t relate directly to a specific candidate, but to general election conditions, such as whether the incumbent party candidate is the sitting president, or there is a strong short-term economy. 

He claimed that his keys have predicted the election winner in 9 of the last 10 presidential elections, and he confidently predicted a Kamala win on 11/5.  He argued with Nate Silver, who saw a tied contest but said his “gut” told him Trump would win.

Lichtman had me worried, so after Trump won I looked back at his system more closely, and identified my mistake.  It turns out that three of his keys were actually keys of coke. 

So I guess that one’s on me.

Finally, I love the long odds that Trump overcame to win this. 

After the bitterness of 2020, and earning the anger of many of us for his undisciplined pique that cost us control over the Senate with the two Georgia losses in January of 2021, Trump launched the most unbelievable comeback in American political history.  He had already persisted through sham investigations and two sham impeachments, and then he shouldered through a wave of lawfare cases and ridiculous verdicts that would have doomed a normal candidate, followed by surviving two assassination attempts, and then out-working his opponents at an age when most of us are retired or dead.

I mean, the guy was driving a garbage route ten days ago, and now he’s the incoming leader of the free world!  Only in America!  

Hamas delenda est!

1. The Washington Post’s schadenfreude-tastic self-destruction.  The paper’s value has been on a long skid downward, and since Bezos bought it, it’s lost tens of millions of dollars per year.  So Bezos prevented the leftist lunatics in the WAPO newsroom from endorsing Que Mala, and the spoiled kiddies threw a temper tantrum.

In response, Bezos wrote an Op-Ed containing actual common sense: “The hard truth [is that] Americans don’t trust the news media,” and, since “endorsements create a perception of bias… ending them is… the right [decision].”  (Of course he’s still a bubble-dwelling lefty: he warned that if the MSM completely collapses, people will continue turning to unvetted, irresponsible, misinformation-prone conservative podcasts and websites…such as the ones who DIDN’T fall for Russia-gate, laptop-gate, mask-gate, vax-gate, etc. and etc.)

And then the kids in the newsroom flopped on the floor, kicking their tiny feet and holding their breath.  And mirabile dictu, so did a ton of the WAPO’s propaganda-dependent subscribers; 200,000 of them canceled their subscriptions, cheered on by many celebrities and other high-profile dullards.

So if the WAPO keeps shoveling out their steady stream of dishonest pap, they will continue their doom spiral downward into a Biden-esque, flatlined state, until the plug is mercifully pulled, once Bezos will no longer throw good money after bad.  OR, they can try to go cold turkey and start printing true journalism… and get there much more quickly, as all of their dead-end readers flee.

Beautiful! 

Even though Bezos is actually trying to do the right thing, he and the MSM are now reaping what they’ve been sowing for years.  It’s a blue-on-blue circular firing squad, and I’m not sure my supply of popcorn is going to hold out.

2.  Kamala crammed an awful lot of self-contradictions into her big speech on Tuesday night:

“This election is about the future,” followed by, “But January 6th, though!”

“It’s time to turn the page,” followed by, “I can’t think of any changes to make from my time with Biden!”   

“We must stop pointing fingers and come together,” followed by, “But Trump is a tyrant!  Everybody point your finger at him and yell, ‘Tyrant!’”

(You’ve heard of the “Thrilla in Manilla?” This speech should’ve been called, “Back-flips on the Ellipse.”)

But my favorite part came literally seconds into the speech.  After months of insisting that crime is way, WAY down, she begins her speech.  But she is immediately drowned out by cascading sirens, presumably from cop cars chasing criminals and ambulances racing crime victims to area hospitals.

The only way that audio backdrop could have been improved upon?   Gunshots and despairing screams of, “Oh God, why are all these horrific crimes happening even though we’ve elected only Democrats in DC for the last century?!” 

(And then, from a lonely CO Nation member on the edge of the crowd, “Unexpectedly!”)

3. The GOP’s trolling of the Dems over garbage-gate has been a thing of beauty.  Trump arriving in Green Bay in the garbage truck, then giving a speech in his fluorescent garbageman vest?  Chef’s kiss!

But for my money, Tom Cotton – one of my favorite senators – won the internet by posting two side-by-side pics, one of Trump doing the fries at McDonald’s and the other of him in the garbage truck.  His caption?  “The Biden-Harris economy is so bad that seniors have to work two jobs just to make ends meet.”  Bold move, Cotton!

4. Joe Biden’s covert strategy of “Project: Undermine the Cackler”

Kamala: DeSantis won’t take my calls, and he’s badly mishandling this hurricane!

Three… minutes… lay-tair… Biden: I just spoke to DeSantis, and he’s doing a great job!

Kamala:  Trump is an evil fascist because he MIGHT jail his opponents in the future!

Three… minutes… lay-tair…   Biden:  We’ve got to lock him up!

Kamala:  A no-name comedian at MSG compared Puerto Ricans to garbage. That’s Hitler talk!

Three… minutes… lay-tair…  Biden: All Trump voters are garbage!

Man, that garbage story is – ironically – the gift that keeps on giving!  I’ve loved watching the MSM twisting in the wind over it. 

They first gave us a raft of good “Republicans Pounce” headlines (i.e., whenever a story is truly bad for the left, the MSM focuses not on the bad facts, but on the GOP reaction to those facts…which is always unfair and sleazy, according to the MSM).

Time’s headline said, “WH attempts clean-up after Biden appears to call Trump Supporters ‘garbage’.” So I guess now “Appears” = “you watched him say that.”  Politico and others referred to “outrage” and “a firestorm” on the right, always moving the focus from the dehumanizing comments to the right’s reaction to them.

How much does fate seem to want to humiliate Que Mala?  Over the last 4 years, roughly 98% of Biden’s sentences have been so slurred, garbled or otherwise defective that they could be understood by neither God nor man.

But the ONE TIME that the late President manages to excrete a grammatically correct and clearly understandable sentence, that sentence turns out to be a rhetorical torpedo aimed to strike perfectly amidships against the rusty starboard side of the sinking USS Cackler! 

Here’s Biden’s statement, verbatim: “…Puerto Ricans in Delaware are good, decent, honorable people.  The only garbage I see floating out there is his supporters.  His, his, his demonization [slur][slur] seen as unconscionable…”

The Dem MSM hacks, bathed in flop sweat and desperately going over the video like it was the Zapruder film, came up with their own “magic bullet” theory: the phantom apostrophe.  (Worst Star Wars sequel ever, by the way.)

You are probably saying to yourselves, “Oh, if only we had an English professor to provide a quick grammar refresher!”  Fortunately for you, I am here to save the day.  So let me get my white board and my marker out…

Okay.  The desperate MSM weasels are arguing that when Biden said “supporters” he didn’t mean to use that word as a second noun that is equivalent to the first noun (“garbage”) in a sentence whose syntax is clearly comparative. 

He instead meant that word to have an apostrophe after it, indicating possession; thus the Scranton wizard meant to say that “the garbage [he sees] is the supporters’ [garbage].”

That meaning is possible but not likely, for two reasons:

First, there are less ambiguous ways to indicate possession here, e.g. “The only garbage belongs to his supporters,” or “The only garbage comes from his supporters,” or “The only garbage is that of his supporters.”

Second, the much more common syntax to indicate possession puts the noun doing the possessing BEFORE the thing/quality being possessed. 

For example: 

“AOC’s juicy booty” (her words not mine)

“Michelle Obama’s prominent Adam’s apple” (that one’s a two-fer, with “Adam” possessing his “apple”)

“Tim Walz’s inept shotgun skills”

“Kamala’s room-temperature IQ” or

“Liz Warren’s laughably non-existent Indian heritage” (#wemustneverstopmockingher)

So the much more likely interpretation is that Biden was saying exactly what he appeared to be saying: “Trump’s supporters are garbage.”

Especially since that reading fits in perfectly with a years-long pattern of top Democrats slandering GOP/Trump voters with pejorative terms: deplorables, bitter clingers, fascists, Nazis, sexists, racists, bigots, homophobes, xenophobes, threats to democracy, etc. and etc.

Kamala’s closing argument is clear: “Joy has left the building; Trump is Hitler; most Americans are garbage.”

Fellow CO-ers, let’s wear their scorn proudly, and shout it from the rooftops: “We are the garbage CAN people, not the garbage CAN’T people!”

Go vote! Hamas (and Harris/Walz) delenda est!

I wanted to start your Monday morning off with a comprehensive take on the events of the last three or four days, but every day lately is filled with too many stories that need mocking, or celebrating, or head scratching.  And I’m only one man.

One roguishly adorable, snark-filled robot-flamethrower-dog of a political-commentary-spewing man. 

First there’s the Democrats self-immolating like the Kamala campaign had given them all the rhetorical equivalent of the Hezbollah Pagers Gift-Pack.  Michelle Obama praised Kamala in the most ham-fisted way possible, and Elmer Fudd Walz claimed that holding an event at Madison Square Garden makes you a Nazi.  (I’ve always suspected that Patrick Ewing and Billy Joel were SS-types, with their many appearances at MSG, but now there’s proof!)

And Que Mala herself tried out a brand-new fake accent: southern preacher!

Meanwhile, Trump and Vance have been colossi bestriding the earth, stomping around the campaign trail like Godzilla and King Kong, trampling MSM hacks and leftist pols as if they were tiny Japanese communists fleeing through a cardboard skyline in Tonka trucks.  (Oh look, there’s a miniscule Asian Tim Walz, struggling to load his shotgun before Trump’s ginormous foot crushes him as flat as Que Mala’s comedy video submission to the Al Smith dinner!)  

And that’s not to mention the many ways Israel has been kicking terrorist arse as if they were Doug Emhoff noticing his date getting a little too chummy with the valet.

Plus it’s been a month since I’ve even pointed out that Liz Warren is whiter than a Holiday Inn ballroom that had mistakenly double-booked a Tilda Swinton family reunion simultaneously with a Game of Thrones convention featuring a “Dress up like the White Walkers” costume contest.  (Spoiler alert: Joe Biden won, and he wasn’t even dressed up!  He just wandered in, got tangled in a red curtain, fell over a sandbag, and bam!  Ladies and Gentlemen, your new “Night King!”)  I don’t even have time to remind you that #wemustneverstopmockingher.

So okay, this is going to be a three-column week, and I better get started, because I’m falling further behind as we speak.

Que Mala has been even more of a piece of work than usual.  I don’t know what she was like way back in the day, when she sidled up to married codger Willie Brown and gave him a sultry, “I’d-do-ANYTHING-for a political appointment” stare. 

But I do know how she comes across in recent years, and it is a nightmare.  She can’t think on her feet, and she can’t give a straight answer to a question to save her life.  And the cackle parodies itself.

And her phony accents!  From Jamaican to Latino to street African-American from Selma – via Berkeley and Montreal – (“Ya bettuh thank uh union membuh!”), she’s multi-lingually phony.  But this weekend she rolled out a new character: Southern black lady preacher from Mt. Pisgah Baptist Church.

In a Philly church she said, “Weepin’ may en-duah for a night…but JOY [drawn-out head waggle here] cometh in the mornin’!”

Ouch.  I’m trying to follow Uncle Jesus over here, and I know I’m supposed to love everybody.  But could you leave the Good Book alone?  You’re giving me the creeps.

However, that wasn’t even the lowlight of the weekend for her.  She was booed and heckled at several speeches, and she made the inexplicable blunder of promising two huge celebrity performers at two different speeches: Bruce Springsteen and Beyonce.  

Now you can say what you will about Trump, but the man knows how to market.  He dominates the news with his McDonalds gig, he packs Madison Square Garden, he takes his opponent’s embarrassing moments and turns them into his own ads.  When he gets arrested on bogus charges, he takes the most badass, glowering mugshot ever, and turns it into a viral meme and hot-selling t-shirt in a few hours.

What’s Kamala’s strategy to market herself?  Promise a performance by Beyonce, and then pull a hugely self-destructive bait-and-switch.  “You came here to hear Beyonce sing?  Well, she’s going to make a 5-minute speechlet, and then I’m going to hit you with the most vacuous stump speech you’ve ever heard in your life.  How about that?  Are you ready to NOT rock?!!  HELLO, HOUSTON!!”

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! 

Good lord, how could that have possibly worked?  What could she have expected to get out of it?  A large crowd, sure.  But a large, p*ssed off crowd!   “Always disappoint your audience!” said no worthy political consultant ever.

And what good is a large crowd, if everybody in the world knows that they only showed up for the performer, and not for you?

That’s not a rhetorical question, since Kamala answered it with her Springsteen rally.   He actually did sing a couple of songs, and the crowd was clearly there for it.  Then, as soon as he was done and Que Mala took the stage, a huge portion of the crowd headed for the exits, en masse, and on camera.

By the time Kamala started flinging word goulash out into the crowd like Gallagher smashing watermelons, all of the exits were packed by people looking like they were trying to get on the last chopper leaving Saigon.    

Yikes!  That’s one hilarious optic, and the best illustration of Kamala’s campaign I can think of. 

And not for nothing, but I have fond memories of Springsteen’s early albums, and his singing and songwriting.  But holy cats, when did his vocal chords start sounding like Joe Biden walks?  And when did “Dancing in the Dark” turn into “Dry Heaving on the Stage?”

As hard as it may be to believe, Kamala’s surrogates continue to do as much damage to her as she does to herself, whether they are celebrities, or just everyday supporters.   

Dave Rubin had the story on Friday of a mom exposing what a Kamala-supporting teacher did in her CA classroom.  The teacher conducted a mock election in class, and she promised that if her class voted for Kamala they’d get a pizza party, but not if they voted for Trump.  The class voted for Kamala and the pizza (unexpectedly!), and the teacher followed through with the pizza.

Obviously, kids voting for “Kamala and pizza” are actually kids voting for pizza.  The same way as adult dullards going to the rally with Kamala and Springsteen were actually a bunch of adult dullards going to a Springsteen concert. 

Anyway, on a recorded call with the teacher, the mother asked, “Other classes, because they did not vote for Harris, they’re not going to get pizza?” 

And the teacher said, “Yeah.  Well they can, they just have to do what the conservatives do, and pay for it themselves.” 

Got that?  The teacher wants the kids to become future powerless, welfare-dependent wards of the state by supporting Democrats, rather than paying their own way in life like successful conservatives.  Talk about an unwitting self-own!

But the celebrity Kamala-ites were no better.  Actress Ellen Barkin jumped on the “Trump’s rally at MSG is a Nazi rally bandwagon,” demanding a boycott of the event.  The response?  Younger people said, “Ellen who?” and older people said, “Is Ellen Barkin still alive?”  And some Jews and non-Aryan types – along with, yes, some white folks – filled MSG to the rafters.

“What does Hillary Clinton think of Trump’s recent rise in the polls?” you have not asked.  But she answered anyway, doing an interview viewed by literally dozens of people on CNN, during which she agreed that appearing in MSG (like Slick Willie did in his ‘92 convention there) makes you a Nazi.      

She complained that she finds it “so distressing” that Americans would vote for Trump. 

Do you know what I find distressing, Hillary?  Your seven years of election denying, and the dishonest campaign that you ran in 2016, and the eight years you spent in the WH, attacking your husband’s legion of sexual assault victims.

And also your cankles, which are more terrifying than distressing, truth be told.  One of my ancestors was trampled to death by a draft horse in the late 19th century, and our whole family has collective PTSD about that.  And every time I see you clomping toward a microphone for an interview, I break out in a cold sweat.  So please stop triggering me, you mendacious shrew!

Speaking of which, Michelle Obama gave a speech in Kalamazoo on Saturday.  My first thought was, “What can Michelle Obama do for you at this point?”

I mean, other than if you need a fill-in for an injured middle linebacker who has the heft and belligerence to be a real presence against the ground game.  (That position is not called the “Mike Linebacker” for nothing.)

But at this point, Kamala doesn’t need to stop the run, she needs to stop the bleeding.  And how did Mitch try to do that?  By claiming that – and I swear that I am not making this up – “unlike her opponent,” Kamala has not been the one “ducking interviews or cowering in safe spaces with only fawning audiences.”

The old cliché about effective lies is that they must have at least some element of truth in them… and this one isn’t even close!  Yes, Trump has done a few interviews with friendlies lately, but he’s been interviewed by hostile lefties for years.  As opposed to Harris, who hid for 2 months, then did only the most “safe space” interviews until her campaign’s engine was smoking and all four tires were flat, and she became desperate enough to spend 20 minutes with Bret Baier.

During which she was depantsed, disemboweled and defenestrated. 

Anyway, Michelle had a couple of other arguments to advance: Trump is either a Satanic Hitler or a Hitler-esque Satan, and everyone who doesn’t vote for Que Mala is racist and sexist.

Unexpectedly!    

Okay, I haven’t had the chance to see much of Trump’s MSG rally yet, so more on Wednesday.

But I already know one thing: I would much rather listen to Melania (giggity) and her authentic, adorable accent (“Good evening, New York Citee!  Hello, Madeeson Square Gar-den!”) than Kamala’s phony Foghorn Leghorn (“Ah say, ah say the-uh, boy, Yoo bettuh thank uh union membuh, boy!”)  

Eight days left – if you haven’t voted yet, get to it!  

Hamas delenda est!

A brief Katie update: She had another good day yesterday, and though the docs haven’t guaranteed anything, she may be going home today!  If she does, she will have spent the last 27 days in the hospital.  Thanks again for all of your very kind words, CO nation!

Moving on to the national and world events that are less important than my daughter’s health…

I loved Bret Baier’s interview with Kamala!  Before it happened, a lot of people were dissing Baier, suggesting that he’s some kind of RINO who would go easy on Harris, which never made sense to me.  (The only Fox that I routinely watch is Special Report and the first 10 minutes of Gutfeld, and I generally like Baier.) 

One can always quibble over one detail or another, but I thought Baier did to Kamala what JD did to Walz: pressed her on details and pushed her into revealing her essential emptiness.  She demonstrated the main danger of avoiding challenging interviews, which is that if you ever finally face one, you crumble.  She dodged questions, squirmed, got angry, and tried to filibuster and run out the clock

For me there were two highlights.  The first was when Baier wrong-footed her into addressing Biden’s dementia.  He started by pointing out that Kamala has accused Trump of being mentally unstable, which was bait that she bit hard on, diving into her talking points about how unbalanced Trump is.

Then Bret segued into, “When did you first notice that President Biden’s mental faculties were diminished?” clearly catching her off guard.  She furrowed her brows and paused for what seemed like a minute.  You could almost see the cartoon thought-bubble appear over her head:  “D’oh!” 

She finally said that she’s watched Biden in various contexts, and that, “He has the judgment and experience to do exactly what he has done in making very important decisions.”

Yes.  He’s made a series of horrifically bad decisions, and by now I think we all know that he has the judgment and experience to do exactly that.  Even Kamala seemed to sense the danger there, so she immediately pivoted to, “Joe Biden is not on the ballot.” 

Which begs the obvious question: If he’s so fantastically capable of being president, why did you and your party bum-rush him out of the Oval like Bill Clinton tossing out a half-naked intern when Hillary was clomping down the hallway toward him?     

The second highlight was when Baier nailed her on her previous support for making taxpayers pay for sex change operations for criminals and illegal aliens.  After he showed a 2019 clip of her advocating that very unpopular position and asked if she still supports it, her response was clearly a dodge: “I will follow the law, and it’s a law that Donald Trump followed.”

Of course she was lying.  As California AG, she lobbied to get rid of the existing law that disallowed taxpayer-funding mutilations, and as president, Trump fought in the courts against that change.  Baier countered with that info, and pointed out that as president, she would have a say in the matter, rather than having to passively “follow the law.” 

When he cited Trump’s argument that he opposed that law, poor Que Mala crowned herself with a dunce cap and launched a thousand devastating attack ads against her, saying, “You know, you’ve gotta take responsibility for what happened in your administration.”

Yes, you cackling doofus.  Yes you do.

If I were a Trump advisor, I’d start an ad with the clip from the View in which Kamala was asked what she would do differently from Biden, and said, “There is not a thing that comes to mind.”  Then I’d put together a 30-second montage of the last 4 years – thousands of illegals crossing the border, Afghanistan falling, Biden screaming through his Reichstag speech, damning stats on inflation and crime – followed by her statement that “you’ve gotta take responsibility for what happened in your administration.”   (I’m Martin Simpson, and I approve this message.)

It’s worth noting that in spite of the ridiculous obfuscation that Que Mala has become infamous for, the woman is actually capable of speaking clearly when she wants to.  Consider her aforementioned support for taxpayer-funded phallectomies (if that’s not a word, it should be) or her well-known 2019 statement that, “There’s no question, I’m in favor of banning fracking.” 

Those are concise, grammatically understandable sentences, completely different from her usual syntactical goulash. Because in those sentences, she was telling the truth about what she really believes.

Except.  Even when she accidentally bumps into a bit of truth-telling, she still resorts to one of the most irritating figures of (dishonest) speech.

No, I’m not referring to “Let’s be clear,” which virtually always precedes a miasmic verbal fog of such suffocating vagueness that it could choke a horse. 

And no, I’m not referring to “speaking the truth,” as in “Speaking truth to power,” or “Speaking our truth,” or “Speaking the truth about American history,” etc. – which always precedes a whole bunch o’ lyin’.

I’m talking about,“We need to have that conversation.” 

If you watch Kamala’s speeches from her California days all the way through her Hindenburg disaster of a 2019 campaign, you’ll see her talking to various far-left groups or groupies. And they would invariably ask her about some proposal from the farthest left fringe: “Would you agree that every black person in America should receive $10 million in reparations?” or “Would you support immediately freeing every person of color in prison, since they are obviously the innocent victims of racist Amerikka?” or “Do you agree that we should confiscate all of the earnings of everyone who makes more than $500K per year?”   

Instead of giving the politically smart answer – “What’chu talkin’ bout, Willis?  NO!” – or the likely true answer from her heart – “YES!” – she always used the same weaselly phrase: “I think we need to have that conversation.” 

Ugh.  That’s clearly such an obvious attempt to simultaneously deceive both the low-IQ extremists in front of her (“I’m with you!”) and the sane but gullible people who are watching at home (“Don’t worry, I’m not that extreme”).

I hate that phrase, even as I must grudgingly acknowledge that it can be useful when you believe something that you might not want to openly admit. 

Okay, I’m going to need to write another column shortly, because I haven’t even gotten to half of the stories I wanted to talk about, including the karmically satisfying death of Yahoo Sinwar and the hunting prowess of Tim “Elmer Fudd” Walz. 

But I have to end with one of my favorite Florida stories, in which a bad guy is being brought to justice, and Ron DeSantis is proving himself to be a boss.  NOT UNEXPECTEDLY!

On October 9^th, as hurricane Milton was bearing down on Florida, a state trooper rescued a frightened dog who had been chained to a fence and abandoned alongside Interstate 75.  The dog was trembling and growling, standing in water that had already risen to his belly when the trooper found and freed him. 

Few things make me angrier than cruelty to animals, and this story was outrageous.  I figured that in the devastating aftermath of the third giant storm in as many months, that dog’s heartless owner would never be brought to justice.  But I live in the free state of Florida, and I’d foolishly underestimated our law enforcement and our governor.    

When a reporter asked DeSantis about the story, the guv started out perfectly, as is his wont:  “First of all, what kind of an animal would just leave a dog chained to a pole in the middle of a hurricane?” After praising the work of the FHP for rescuing the dog and expressing the confidence that many people will “compete” for the chance to give it a good home, he expressed the right amount of moral outrage.

“I hope they find the person who did it, and that person should have the book thrown at him.  We’ve got very good laws in Florida against animal cruelty.”  Then he gave a shout-out to the excellent police working dogs that will be helping in the storm.  (Insert Shane Gillis doing his Trump impression here: “Beautiful dogs. Talented dogs.”)

A short time later, DeSantis gave an update.  The dog was going to get a good home, and had been renamed “Trooper.”  Then the kicker: “I’m proud to announce that the authorities have identified the dog’s former owners, and [a state attorney] is now pursuing animal charges against the individual.” 

The creep in question, 23-year-old Giovanni Garcia, is charged with a felony that could bring up to 5 years in prison.  State officials are calling for changing the laws to allow for harsher penalties against people who abandon their animals during an emergency.

Cassie the Wonder Dog and I approve this legislation, and neither of us thinks that 5 years in jail is enough for this bum.  

Am I saying that Garcia should be chained to a post in the bottom of an empty pool, which should then be filled up with water that slowly rises over his head, killing him in the same way that he’d callously left his dog to die?

Say it with me, CO nation: 

I think we need to have that conversation.

Hamas delenda est!