So December is off to a great start. There are already at least 3 stories that would each be the top story of a less action-packed month. Consider:
1. Trump declares Jerusalem to be the capital of Israel, and announces that we’ll be moving the US Embassy there. The usual suspects go nuts. Democrats and media talking heads say that this is a reckless act that will upset the utopian status quo in the normally bucolic Eden that is the Muslim world. Various Palestinian terrorist groups promise “Days of Rage” protests. (As opposed to their previous days of rage: Monday through Friday, and every other weekend. They usually spend the other weekend cleaning, oiling and reloading their AK 47s and sharpening their scimitars.)
I get that the Arab street will be upset. I think we can all identify with the dissatisfaction one feels when the targets of one’s genocidal rage have a good day. But the Dems and MSM really should be ashamed of themselves. As soon as the news leaked, they lit their hair on fire and ran screaming about how no responsible president would ever contemplate such a radical move.
Never mind that there is video tape of Bill Clinton, George Bush, Barack Obama (and for all I know, speech transcripts from William Henry Harrison) proclaiming that Jerusalem is the capital of Israel, and promising to move our embassy there. The “Jerusalem Embassy Act” was passed overwhelmingly by both houses of congress in 1995, and while Bill Clinton gave the idea lip service (sorry for the phrasing), he didn’t sign it, probably because it was “intern interviewing season” and he was otherwise occupied when it came across his desk. Which an intern was likely crouching under at the time.
But now that a president is actually making good on that perennial promise, it’s a radical new idea that will bring about Armageddon.
In archaeological news, some clay tablets have just been discovered, dated to around 3000 years ago. They tell of an uprising among the Palestinians – they were called “Philistines” then – outside of Israel’s capital, some town called “Jerusalem.”
2. Speaking of Armageddon, that’s what Nancy Pelosi said will be the result of the GOP tax cut. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I am not making that up.
During a press conference, the apparently partially embalmed California Democrat was being questioned by a reporter, who in an unexpected fit of reasonableness, said, “Democrats talk about this bill often in very apocalyptic terms. But isn’t what is really going on is that many people are getting a very modest tax cut… but it’s not the end of the world?”
In the hands of a reasonably competent leftist politician, that’s what’s called a “softball.” The proper way to respond is something like this: “We obviously shouldn’t exaggerate the danger of this proposal. But that doesn’t mean that it won’t do real damage, to working people, people of color, people who want to be identified by pronouns that have not yet been invented, blah blah and etc.”
How did Madame Tussaud’s wax-figure Pelosi respond? Behold:
“No, it IS the end of the world. The debate on health care is life death.” [For the record, I think she might have meant “life OR death.” On the other hand, she seems a little zombie-like herself, so maybe “life/death” is a state that she understands in a way that we don’t.] “This is Armageddon.” [Did I mention that I am not making this up?] “…There’s really a very hard way to come back from this. They take us further, more deeply into debt.” [Seriously. Not making this up.] “What can you do but raise taxes?”
Did you get that? Back when she was the Majority Leader and her party controlled the White House and congress, Pelosi helped run up as much debt in 8 years as the country had previously run up in 230 years. But now she’s deeply concerned about debt. And her last sentence – “What can you do but raise taxes?” – has coincidentally been the motto of her party for the last century or more.
Well, you’re thinking, at least the rest of the Democrat establishment would not go over the unhinged cliff with Dame Pelosi, right?
Extremist spokes-dirigible Michael Moore responded to news of the tax cut by saying, “The Republican Party is the enemy of the American people…. The coup is underway!” He may also have said something about the 1%, capitalism and fascism, but his words were muffled because he was speaking while simultaneously devouring a foot-long sandwich and a turkey leg.
Pelosi’s fellow mummy Bernie Sanders said that the GOP is “looting the treasury,” and the New York Time editorial board agreed, calling the tax cut an “historic tax heist.”
Nice word choice, NYT. I know that we all love the familiar tropes of a great heist movie: the diverse group of specialists getting together over a set of blue prints to plan the job, the musical montage playing as they prepare their weapons and assemble their vehicles and put on their disguises, the tense sequence in which they defeat elaborate security measures and escape with the contents of the enormous bank vault, only to distribute the cash to all of the bank customers who rightfully own it.
What’s that you say? No heist movie ever ends with the bank customers getting to keep their money?
Exactly. Nancy, Chuckie, Obama, Hill-dog, et al: let’s try this one more time – letting people keep more of what they earn is NOT “theft,” or a “heist,” or “looting.” It’s a tax cut for taxpayers. You idiots!
3. The Mueller investigation is imploding right before our eyes, with one credibility-devastating revelation after another. Comey has provided tons of evidence that Trump was completely justified in firing him – not least because he actually leaked what he hoped would be damaging information against Trump. The MSM has repeatedly reported false or inaccurate information about the investigation; for example, ABC’s Brian Ross is serving a suspension, after which he will be kept from reporting on anything Trump-related. (Hint to ABC: if you have a journalist who is so biased and/or incompetent that he can’t be trusted to report on one huge story… maybe he’s not really cut out for this whole “journalism” thing.)
Then it turns out that Mueller’s entire team was apparently hired through a “Help Wanted” blog entry on the Huffington Post, which read, “Are you a semi-employable leftist hack, unburdened by any ethics or scruples, motivated by a burning desire to destroy people with whom you disagree? Please inquire at the basement of DNC Headquarters. Ask for Bob.”
My favorite disgraced jerk in the story (so far) is Peter Strzok. This guy is a cross between Kato Kaelin and Zelig: his grimy fingerprints turn up at every point in the story. He changed the crucial description of Hillary’s mishandling of classified information: he replaced “grossly negligent” — which was accurate, and criminal – to “extremely careless” – which is what my old girlfriends called it when I rode a motorcycle without a helmet. He coordinated the interview that got Flynn on a process crime. He apparently took breaks from his partisan hackery only long enough to text his mistress about how evil Trump is, and how much of a crush he had on Hillary.
But there are two other reasons to question his judgement. First, his mistress is not particularly attractive. Which pretty much misses the entire point of having an affair, doesn’t it? If you are going to risk your marriage and your reputation for a fling, shouldn’t she be smoking hot? What is it with these leftist pervs, who don’t seem to have mastered the basics of sexual misbehavior: Louis CK, Weinstein, Conyers? If they’re not picking unattractive mistresses, they are gaining access to attractive, powerless females… and the gross men get naked and pleasure themselves in front of the women!
Don’t get me wrong. I’m very much anti-affair, and not just because my wife will be reading this. (Have I mentioned that she has the cheekbones that launched a thousand ships?) There are few more reprehensible things you can do than to betray your spouse, and I strongly urge anyone who is thus tempted to do everything possible to dampen their libido: cold showers, listening to Hillary’s cawing “Why am I not up by 50 points, you may be asking yourself?!” speech, googling photos of Lena Dunham with Kathy Griffin. Whatever it takes.
But good lord, you lecherous, male sexual harassers: you’re supposed to get the beautiful women naked, while you keep your own hideous body clothed. How hard is that? When you’ve died and gone to the sex crimes section of hell, the demon in charge of your torment is going to ask, “What are you here for? Raping a private plane-load of supermodels? Installing cameras in a sorority house shower and then blackmailing the girls? Partying with Bill Clinton and Roman Polanski?” And you’re going to have to say, “I made hot women watch me take a shower.” And he’s going to plunge a flaming pitchfork into your groin. And you will deserve it.
Where was I? Oh yeah, the second reason to question Peter Strzok’s judgement.
The silent “z.” C’mon. English is a strange and often illogical language. You can have a silent “p” (“pneumonia,”), even a silent “h” (“honor”). But you know what letter can’t be silent? That’s right: “z.”
If you don’t believe me, tell a friend that you want to go to the “oo” to see an “eebra” and he’ll look at you like you’re crazy. Tell him that your favorite part of hockey is when the “amboni” comes out and drives around. Tell him that your favorite book to read after you’ve ingested a lot of mushrooms is “Thus Spake Arathustra.” Tell him… I already used “Zelig,” right?
Okay, that’s all the “z” words I know.
The point is, I’m not buying the silent “z.” But it might be worse than that. I’ve seen some media reports which say that he pronounces his name “strok,” but others that say that he pronounces it “stroke.” If it’s the latter, I would like to nominate him for “Best Porn Star Name Ever.” (Step aside, “Buck Naked,” and hand off the baton – HA! – “Rod Johnson,” because Peter Stroke’s in town!)
But still, he’s squandering that name. The first time I saw it, I couldn’t help but think of the old Batman tv series, in which each fight scene would be punctuated by superimposed action verbs, like “Smack!” “Splat!” and “Ka-Pow!” Am I wrong that the only logical choice for when Robin clobbers the Riddler with a plugged-in lamp would be “Strzok!”
Anyway, Mr. Stroke is not to be trusted, and he’s only one reason why Mueller is crumbling before our eyes.
And Christmas is still coming!