Looking Back at April (posted 5/1/19)

As April comes to an end, I thought I’d write about a bunch of more or less random things that I’ve noticed but haven’t written about this month.

First, our main stream media have once again really covered themselves in (bias-drenched) glory – for the 378th consecutive month!

(I decided quasi-randomly to start counting from October of 1987, when – with MSM help – Senior Dirigible from Massachusetts and Aquatic Homicide Aficionado™ Ted Kennedy led the first Borking of a Supreme Court nominee.  But one could easily start counting earlier than that.)

You may remember that when a white supremacist murdered 50 Muslims in Christchurch, New Zealand in March, it was a worldwide story.  And well it should have been.  But you may also remember that the news coverage was not shy about mentioning several facts.  For example, the victims were Muslims.  (Not “Ramadan worshipers.”) The killer was a white racist guy.  And therefore probably a member of a rising, terrible movement of Trump supporters that is a huge threat to all of humanity.

Upon hearing of that incident, I went to my hat closet and sorted through my collection: cowboy hat, sombrero, Martacus-style Roman helmet, old-timey leather aviator helmet with goggles.  And finally… my tall, pointy wizard hat that I use for all of my prognosticating.

I put it on and meditated for a moment, and then predicted that the shooter would turn out to be a loser lone wolf whose only friends would be other anonymous losers in sicko internet chatrooms.

Six weeks later… turns out he was a lone-wolf loser with no friends outside the dark web.  Respect the wizard hat, people!

So then Easter comes along, and there is a coincidental attack on “Easter worshippers” in Sri Lanka.  (Whom you can recognize by the giant bunny statues in their houses of worship, which are topped by gigantic rabbit ears with bells inside.)

Or, as Ilhan Omar tweeted, “Some other guys did something else, and now Muslims are being oppressed again.”

And immediately, the MSM leapt into action, marshalling their forces to devote wall-to-wall coverage to…  Lori Laughlin’s decision to plead not guilty in “Getting-my-dumb-kids-into-USC-gate.”

The MSM’s hot take on the story?  “Well, there weren’t that many deaths, all things considered.  And it was probably just a lone wolf, who was likely a white nationalist, and definitely not connected to any organized group.”

Compare that to my initial impression, arrived at as I sat cross-legged on my library floor, wearing my wizard hat: I bet it’s going to be a bunch of guys – heavy on “Muhammad”-adjacent names – carrying out a coordinated attack under the orders of some hateful weird-beard leader of one jihadi caliphate or another.

And what do you know?  The perpetrators were 7 moral dwarves, operating as part of a coordinated jihadi operation, at the behest of a creepy, bearded lunatic.  Also, none of them were named either Nigel or Alan.

Though one survivor, oddly enough, was called Jussie Muhammad.  Apparently he was ambushed by some Sri Lankans in white face, who put a noose around his neck and stole his Subway sandwich, only for him to escape, and live to tell his heroic tale.  True story.

But that wasn’t the only bit of the religion beat that the MSM screwed up in April.  When Notre Dame caught fire, news-weasels around the country said, “Good!  Football is an evil manifestation of toxic masculinity.”  When a Catholic janitor walking by in the hallway explained their mistake, they turned on a tv, just in time to hear it reported that a priest ran inside and retrieved several sacred items, including “the body of Christ.”

Intrepid New York Times reporter – and, I’m guessing, not a Biblical scholar — Elian Peltier garbled that into a report that the priest rescued “a statue of Jesus.”

Well done, NYT.  Now we’ve got to add “Christianity” to the list– which already includes “history, economics, biology, logic, fairness, truth, science, objectivity and basic math” – of topics about which you idiots know NOTHING!

Speaking of knowing nothing, rich socialist Bernie Sanders got his house slippers caught in his dentures when in a New Hampshire town hall, he boldly came out in favor of letting convicted felons vote.  Not after they’ve served their sentences and had their civil rights restored, but while they are still in jail.

A normal human in attendance then did a double-take, and asked if that should apply even to evil people like the Boston bombers.  (Or, as Ilhan Omar refers to them, “Two guys who did something, and now people stare at me every time I tell them the Jews have hypnotized them.”) Bernie doubled down: Yes, let Osama bin Weinstein Manson-Bundy vote!

Hilariously enough, when a reporter put the same question to Willie Brown’s former mistress, Kamala at first agreed.  When the reporter seemed incredulous, she hesitated, and settled for a lukewarm cliché: “I think we should have that conversation.”

Which is leftist speak for “I think we should have that monologue.  So zip it.”

Not to be outdone, Grandma Squanto (#wemustneverstopmockingher) came out in favor of letting another group vote who should obviously never be allowed to vote:  16-year-olds.

Here is a partial list of things that 16-year-olds think: Rap “music” is music.  Global warming is going to boil us all in 12 years. Texting and driving is a great idea. So is socialism. And piercings.  If you think you’re a girl, you’re a girl.

Here is a partial list of things 16-year-olds do NOT know: Don’t draw to an inside straight.  There’s no such thing as a free lunch.  Soccer is a terrible sport.  Don’t go up against a Sicilian when death is on the line. Speech that offends you is not violence.  Who fought in the Civil War.  Or World War 2.  Or any other war outside of Game of Thrones.

Oh, yeah… one more: WHO TO VOTE FOR!

It’s very telling to see which groups the Dems are trying to get to vote: Criminals. Impressionable children. Illegal immigrants.  The mentally ill and the addicted (i.e. most homeless people, who suffer from one or both conditions).

I can’t see how that could possibly go wrong.

In other news, “Plugs” Biden has finally joined the dementia of Democrats currently crowding the primary stage, which promises even more train-derailing humor in the coming months.  He launched his campaign with a video, and his very first point was a lie: the smear that Trump called neo-nazis and white supremacists at Charlottesville “very fine people.”

I know that Trump says lots of stupid things, and often those things involve being too complimentary to those who don’t deserve it, as when he flatters Porky Nork (hat tip to CO), and speaks positively of Putin.  And he expressed himself clumsily – and vaguely – in that infamous press conference.

But in that “very fine people” line, Trump was not talking about neo-Nazis and white nationalists, whom he believes should be condemned totally.

Where do I get that crazy idea, an incredulous leftist might ask?

Allow me to quote Trump in that same press conference, about two minutes after the “very fine people” line: “And you had people, and I’m not talking about the neo-Nazis and the white nationalists, because they should be condemned totally.”

Sound vaguely familiar?

Anyway, Plugs came out of the gate with a smear, and promises more of the same.  It’s going to be fun to watch the other Dems’ reactions to him, not least because after a decade of stressing intersectionality and women and minorities and gays, the two top Democrat candidates are… two old, straight, white guys!

And now, because I fancy myself an astute observer of global news and American culture, I’d like to close by touching on one story from each realm:

On April 28th, Spain held an election, and although a far-right party had some sizeable gains, Spaniards elected a socialist government.

Excuse me for just a moment while I put on my wizard hat.  Annnnndd… Two years from now, things will be worse in Spain.

Mark this date on your calendar.  And respect the wizard hat.

 

In culture news, over the weekend, one guy came out of a movie theater in Hong Kong after having just watched the new Avengers movie.  In front of a line of people waiting to get in to watch the movie he’d just seen, he started loudly revealing spoilers from the movie.

And the crowd gave him a sound beating.  (You can see a picture of someone wiping a little blood off of his big, stupid head.)

To which I say, “Good for you, unruly mob!”

Mobs have a bad reputation, and for good reason.  They’re known for mindless behavior: rioting, looting, clogging up DC while marching in ridiculous female-genitalia-evoking headgear.  Trampling each other to get into a Wal-Mart on the day after Thanksgiving to buy a tv for $7 less than they could buy that tv for one week later.

Plus, I’m a Christian, so I should be against violence on general principle.  I just enjoyed a great Easter.  (Or, as Ilhan Omar might refer to it – if she were way smarter, and me —  “Some Guy did something, and now my sins are forgiven.”) I try to practice restraint and non-violence in my day-to-day life.

But there is such a thing as the social contract.  And if small violations of that contract – vandalizing others’ property, shouting down people you disagree with, ruining a movie out of spite — go unpunished, worse things will follow.

So if we’re going to keep letting immigrants come here illegally, can I request that the next immigrants to be let in are those Hong Kong movie fans?  I saw we fill the front rows of the first Dem debate with those folks, and provide them with translators, so they can understand every stupid word that comes out of the candidates’ mouths.

Then, make like you’re in a Hong Kong movie line, and commence the pummeling!

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