Donald Trump is a confident/arrogant guy, and is no stranger to narcissism. I’ve written before that I think most presidents and presidential candidates are full of themselves, and as presidential egos go, I’d much rather have the transparent, cartoonish Trumpian flavor, as opposed to the deadly serious kind of Obamian hubris. (Trump might want to see his name everywhere in big gold letters, but at least he didn’t say – in public, and not ironically – that his election would cause the oceans to recede and the earth to heal.)
But when it comes to real, unmitigated self-love taken to self-parodic levels, Trump has been outdone recently by two leftist egotists: The Skateboarding Doofus and AOC.
Beta’s big moment came when he was caught up in “charity-gate” – as no one but me is calling it. As the bumbling lefty candidates have started to release their tax returns, they have lived down to the stereotype of socialists who are profligately generous with other people’s money, but downright Scroogian with their own.
Decades ago it came out that Richie-Rich Gore had given almost nothing to charity, as had Bill Clinton, who actually wrote off old pairs of underwear that he donated. (I am not making that up. And can you imagine any worse luck for a down-and-out person who is reduced to accepting used underwear from a charity? The poor guy gets a pair from the future Rapist-in-Chief, wears them for a day, and then is rushed to the nearest hospital with a near-fatal bouillabaisse of venereal diseases the likes of which medical science has never seen.)
Beta was right in there with the rest of his moralizing, stingy co-religionists. But it wasn’t how little he gave — $1167 out of earnings of $365K in 2017 – that made him an early contender for Narcissist of the Year.
It was his reaction when a voter called him on it. He said, “I’m doing everything I can right now, spending this time with you, not with our kiddos, not back home in El Paso, because I want to sacrifice everything to make sure that we meet this moment of truth with everything that we’ve got.”
Got it? His presence is the real gift, you dolts! In fact, he tells you what he thinks of you: to “spend time with you” is akin to “sacrificing everything.”
Try that the next time the IRS audits you: “Sure, I may have paid almost no taxes. But I’m wasting my valuable time talking to you idiots. Isn’t that WAY more important than trivial facts like how much I may or may not have paid in actual dollars?”
But as bad as Beta was – and this is a phrase I fully expect to be saying many, many times in the future – AOC was even worse!
Or better, depending on your point of view. I prefer “better.” Because what could be better than a big-headed juvenile making a self-flattering opposite-day video that predicts a future in which all of her ideas are implemented, and prove to be brilliant!
If you haven’t seen the video yet, you must find it and watch it. Otherwise, you will believe that Ol’ Uncle Martacus is putting you on, with more of his exaggerated sarcasm. But I swear to you that I am not making this up.
Her video is a literal cartoon, entitled, “A Message from the Future, with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.” Future AOC opens by thinking back to when she first got elected, with a little self-congratulation about being part of the most diverse congressional class ever. She then glides through a list of future accomplishments straight out of an under-educated leftist’s dream journal: the Dems win the Senate and White House in 2020, then launch a decade of huge government legislation. A smart grid is built, “every building in America” is retrofitted, bullet trains are built and run everywhere.
Then AOC introduces us to the character of Ileana, a young girl who could only exist in the notebook doodles of a dreamy C- student who wants to run for her junior high class president so she can bring about world peace.
Ileana gets out of college – no mention of her degree field, though the smart money is on a major in Women’s Studies with a minor in Social Justice Puppetry – and her first job is with “Americorps Climate, restoring wetlands in Louisiana.” She moves through a few other jobs, one of which is being a solar plant engineer” – apparently that Social Justice Puppetry curriculum really gives you some diverse job skills – before making a career as a teacher. Did I mention that in AOC’s fantasy world, teacher salaries skyrocket?
But even that lofty achievement is not enough for ambitious young future AOC – er, I mean, Ileana. Because she eventually runs for public office (due to a new program that provides public funding for political campaigns) (by the way, still not making this up!) and reaches the apotheosis of human excellence: “she now occupies the seat that I once held,” says future AOC.
But that’s not all, because AOC next pronounces, in the most sincere voice I’ve ever heard her use, “I could not be more proud of her, a true child of the Green New Deal!”
It’s very telling that the person AOC is most proud of in her whole life is a pretend doppleganger of herself from the future.
In good leftist fashion, AOC’s fairy tale bounces from one hideously expensive government plan and benefit to another, while not ever devoting a single syllable to how any of it would be paid for, or by whom. It’s just welfare and boondoggles, all the way down.
Any fan of AOC who criticizes Trump for his ego ought to be ashamed of themselves, not least because they can fall for such a facile, juvenile, self-flattering exercise as this cartoon. Anybody over the age of 4 could come up with such a self-aggrandizing fantasy about the future.
In fact, here’s one I just wrote about myself:
“As I look back from 20 years in the future, I smile to think of how my plans have all come to fruition. In the summer of 2019, everything started going my way. First, People magazine contacted me with the news that they’d made a counting error, and I actually had defeated Idris Alba for Sexiest Man of the Year. When Donald Trump read my tweet about forcing all social media to stop discriminating against conservative writers and sites, the CO membership quickly topped 10 million viewers. These viewers soon overwhelmed my Tip Jar, making me an instant billionaire.
I spent part of my fortune on starting a think tank which I called The Simpsonian. I collaborated with Thomas Sowell and Victor Davis Hanson on a few position papers, which were widely read, and then implemented. By July, the Democratic party realized the error of their ways and began to dissolve, and prosperity broke out immediately. We retired our national debt by Labor Day, and my wife began adoringly referring to me as #hilariousgenius.
Elizabeth Warren’s husband called a press conference in which he announced that I was right, and we all should really never stop mocking his ridiculous wife. A red wave swamped the hideous Dem candidates in 2020, and Grandma Squanto was sent packing. AOC lost, along with the fresh leftist faces of 2018; Ilhan Omar was last seen wandering the streets of Minneapolis, screaming about how the Jews had hypnotized the voters of Minnesota.
And now I can’t go out in public without a crowd of people hoisting me onto their shoulders and carrying me around joyously, chanting “Simp-son, Simp-son! I spend most of my time accepting the thanks of a grateful nation.”
See. Not that hard.
But while Trump was out-done on the narcissism front, he held onto his title of King of the Trolls.
After the Mueller report exposed the collusion hoax, he posted a pic of himself with the Game of Thrones logo, changed to read “Game Over.” He also ran an ad featuring Ilhan Omar’s insulting “somebody did something” speech along with images of the aftermath of 9/11, setting off paroxysms of guilty howls on the left and in MSM newsrooms (but I repeat myself).
But his crowning achievement was his proposal to release all of the illegal immigrants into the Dems’ sanctuary cities.
My theory is that Trump and his cabinet were sitting around the Oval, watching Cocaine Mitch put the Green New Deal up for a vote in the Senate – sending the Dem hypocrites running for cover and resulting in a vote that came up 60 short of the 60 required for passage.
Cheering broke out all around, and Mike Pence said, “No one will ever top that!”
And Donald turned to an aide and said, “Get me a beer.”
The room went quiet, and someone whispered, “But I thought that he never drinks?”
The aide returned with a beer, poured it into a glass, and handed it to the president. He looked around him at all of the shocked faces, and then gestured to Pence. “Hold my beer, and watch this.”
Then he picked up the red bat-phone that I assume he keeps under a clear glass dome, and said, “Get me the guy in charge of the border, and the one in charge of sanctuary cities.”
The move is so freaking beautiful because it forces the Democrats’ hands in multiple ways:
It would put the burdens created by an influx of illegals most heavily on their districts, which is only fair, since they are the ones doing as much as they can to create the influx.
As soon as they protest the move, it reveals the utter hypocrisy of the moral preening that they’ve been doing for years. They’ve postured as loving, charitable souls who want nothing more than to take care of the noble illegals, but at the first suggestion that they might actually have to pay or care for them themselves, they squeal like stuck pigs.
Their protests also reveal them as absolute liars. (Surprise!) For years – and especially since Trump’s election – they’ve insisted that all illegals are the salt of the earth, a collection of saintly, productive citizens who rarely use the welfare system, and pay far more in taxes than they cost in support.
The only rational response from them – if they truly believe what they pretend to – would be to welcome all of the illegals whom Trump could drop off for them. Soon they would have full employment and giant mounds of tax money to pay for an amazing array of public services and infrastructure.
The fact that they’re reacting like Trump is threatening to deposit a pillaging horde of TB-infected mongols on their doorsteps tells you all you need to know about their character and honesty.
But I don’t think Trump goes far enough. Instead of just bussing the illegals to Nancy Pelosi’s district, I think he should bus them to her estate, which I understand is luxurious, and also surrounded by a wall.
I’m sure that that wall was built by a previous owner, who was racist, and xenophobic, and Not Who We Are. I’m also sure that Trump can agree to join hands with Nancy and the illegals to tear down that wall.
Let the festivities begin!
Martin Simpson 